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ADVENTURES 




SANTILLANE. 

i 

TRANSLATED FROM THE FRENCH OF LESAGE, 

BY TOBIAS SMOLLETT. 




LONDON : 

GEORGE ROUTLEDGE AND SONS, 

BROADWAY, LUDGATE HILL ; 

NEW YORK: 129, GRAND STREET. 

1866. 



TQ 119 7 



Ag907 



JOHN CHILDS AND SON, PRINTERS. 



THE AUTHOR'S DECLARATION. 



There are some people in the world so mischievous as not to read a work 
without applying the vicious or ridiculous characters it may happen to contain 
to eminent or popular individuals. I protest publicly against the pretended 
discovery of any such likenesses. My purpose was to represent human life 
historically as it exists : God forbid I should hold myself out as a portrait- 
painter. Let not the reader then take to himself public property ; for if he 
does, he may chance to throw an unlucky light on his own character : as 
Phaedrus expresses it, Stulte nudabit animi cogiscientiam. 

Certain physicians of Castille, as well as of France, are sometimes a little 
too fond of trying the bleeding and lowering system on their patients. Vices, 
their patrons, and their dupes, are of evei;y day's occurrence. To be sure, I 
have not always adopted Spanish maimers with scrupulous exactness ; and in 
the instance of the players at Madrid, those who know their disorderly modes 
of living may reproach me with softening down their coarser traits : but this I 
have been induced to do from a sense of delicacy, and in conformity. with the 
manners of my own country. 




GIL BLAS TO THE READER. 



Reader ! hark you, my friend! Do not begin the story of my life till I have 
told you a short tale. 

Two students travelled together from Penafiel to Salamanca. Finding 
themselves tired and thirsty, they stopped by the side of a spring on the road. 
While they were resting there, after having quenched their thirst, by chance 
they espied on a stone near them, even with the ground, part of an inscription, 
in some degree effaced by time, and by the tread of flocks in the habit of water- 
ing at that spring. Having washed the stone, they were able to trace these 
words in the dialect of Castille ; Aqui esta encerrada el alma del licenciado 
Pedro Garcias. " Here lies interred the soul of the licentiate Peter Garcias." 

Hey-day ! roars out the younger, a lively, heedless fellow, who could not get 
on with his deciphering for laughter : This is a good joke indeed : " Here lies 
interred the soul." .... A soul interred ! .... I should like to know the 
whimsical author of this ludicrous epitaph. With this sneer he got up to go 
away. His companion, who had more sense, said within himself : Underneath 
this stone lies some mystery ; I will stay, and see the end of it. Accordingly, 
he let his comrade depart, and without loss of time began digging round about 
the stone with his knife till he got it up. Under it he found a purse of leather, 
containing an hundred ducats with a card on which was written these words in 
Latin : " Whoever thou art who hast wit enough to discover the meaning of the 
inscription, I appoint thee my heir, in the hope thou wilt make a better use 
of my fortune than I have done ! " The student, out of his wits at the discovery, 
replaced the stone in its former position, and set out again on the Salamanca road 
with the soul of the licentiate in his pocket. 

Now, my good friend and reader, no matter who you are, you must be like 
one or the other. of these tw~o students. If you cast your eye over my adventures 
without fixing it on the moral concealed under them, you will derive very little 
benefit from the perusal : but if you read with attention you will find tha 
mixture of the useful with the agreeable, so successfully prescribed by Horace. 




CONTENTS. 



BOOK THE FIRST. 

Chap. I. — The birth and education of Gil Bias Page i 

Chap. II. — Gil Bias' alarm on his road to Pegnaflor; his adventures on his ar- 
rival in that town ; and the character of the men with whom he supped 2 
Chap. III.— -The muleteer's temptation on the road; its consequences, and the 
situation of Gil Bias between Scylla and Charybdis 6 

Chap. IV. — Description of the subterraneous dwelling and its contents 8 

Chap. V.. — The arrival of the banditti in the subterraneous retreat, with an ac- 
count of their pleasant conversation 9 
Chap. VI. — The attempt of Gil Bias to escape, and its success 13 
Chap. VII. — Gil Bias, not being able to do what he likes, does what he can 15 
Chap. VIII. — Gil Bias goes out with the gang, and performs an exploit on the 
highway 16 
Chap. IX. — A more serious incident 17 
Chap. X. — The lady's treatment from the robbers. The event of the great 
design conceived by Gil Bias 19 
Chap. XL — The history of Donna Mencia de Mosquera 21 
Chap. XII. — A disagreeable interruption 25 
Chap. XIII. — The lucky means by which Gil Bias escaped from prison, and 
his travels afterwards 27 
Chap. XIV. — Donna Mencia's reception of him at Burgos 29 
Chap. XV. — Gil Bias dresses himself to more advantage, and receives a second 
present from the lady. His equipage on setting out from Burgos 31 
Chap. XVI. — Shewing that prosperity will slip through a man's fingers 33 
Chap. XVII. — The measures Gil Bias took after the adventure of the ready- 
furnished lodging 36 



CONTENTS. 






BOOK THE SECOND. 

ay 

Chap. L-<Fabricio introduces Gil Bias to the licentiate Sedillo, and procures 

him a reception. The domestic economy of that clergyman. Picture of his 

housekeeper p age 4Q 

Chap. II. — The canon's illness; his treatment; the consequence; the legacy 

to Gil Bias 43 

Chap. III. — Gil Bias enters into Doctor Sangrado's service, and becomes a 

famous practitioner 46 

Chap. IV. — Gil Bias goes on practising physic with equal success and ability. 

Adventure of the recovered ring 49 

Chap. V. — Sequel of the foregoing adventure. Gil Bias retires from practice, 

and from the neighbourhood of Valladolid ca 

C hap. VI. — His route from Valladolid, with a description of his fellow-traveller 5 7 
Chap. VII. — The journeyman barber's story 58 

Chap. VIII. — The meeting of Gil Bias and his companion with a man soaking 

crusts of bread at a spring, and the particulars of their conversation 71 

Chap. IX. — The meeting of Diego with his family; their circumstances in life ; 

great rejoicings on the occasion ; the parting scene between him and Gil Bias 73 



BOOK THE THIRD. 



Chap. I. — The arrival of Gil Bias at Madrid. His first place there 76 

Chap. II. — The astonishment of Gil Bias at meeting Captain Rolando in Ma- 
drid ; and that robber's curious narrative 79 
Chap. III. — Gil Bias is dismissed by Don Bernard de Castil Blazo, and enters 
into the service of a beau 82 
Chap. IV. — Gil Bias gets into company with his fellows ; they shew him a ready 
road to the reputation of wit, and impose on him a singular oath 87 
Chap. V. — Gil Bias becomes the darling of the fair sex, and makes an interest- 
ing acquaintance 90 
Chap. VI. — The prince's company of comedians 94 
Chap. VII. — History of Don Pompeyo de Castro 97 
Chap. VIII. — An accident, in consequence of which Gil Bias was obliged to 
look out for another place 100 
Chap. IX. — A new service, after the death of Don Matthias de Silva 103 
Chap. X. — Much such another as the foregoing 105 



CONTENTS. 



Chap. XL — A theatrical life and an author's life Page 107 

Chap. XII. — Gil Bias acquires a relish for the theatre, and takes a full swing 

of its pleasures, but soon becomes disgusted 109 



BOOK THE FOURTH. 

Chap. I. — Gil Bias not being able to reconcile himself to the morals of the 
actresses, quits Arsenia, and gets into a more reputable service 1 1 1 

Chap. II. — Aurora's reception of Gil Bias. Their conversation 114 

Chap. III. — A great change at Don Vincent's. Aurora's strange resolu- 
tion 116 
Chap. IV. — The Fatal Marriage ; a Novel 119 
Chap. V. — The behaviour of Aurora de Guzman on her arrival at Sala- 
manca 135 
Chap. VI. — Aurora's devices to secure Don Lewis Pacheco's affections 141 
Chap. VII. — Gil Bias leaves his place, and goes into the service of Don Gon- 
zales Pacheco 145 
Chap. VIII. — The Marchioness of Chaves : her character, and that of her 
company 152 
Chap. IX. — An incident that parted Gil Bias and the Marchioness of Chaves. 
The subsequent destination of the former 155 
Chap. X. — The history of Don Alphonso and the fair Seraphina 157 
Chap. XL — The old hermit turns out an extraordinary genius, and Gil Bias 
finds himself among his former acquaintance 165 



BOOK THE FIFTH, 

Chap. I.— History of Don Raphael 168 

Chap. II. — Don Raphael's consultation with his company, and their adventures 

as they were preparing to leave the wood 208 



BOOK THE SIXTH. 

Chap. I. — The fate of Gil Bias and his companions after they took leave of the 
Count de Polan. One of Ambrose's notable contrivances set off by the man- 
ner of its execution 211 

Chap. II. — The determination of Don Alphonso and Gil Bias, after this adven- 
ture 217 



CONTENTS. 



Chap. III. — An unfortunate occurrence, which terminated to the high delight 
of Don Alphonso. Gil Bias meets with an adventure which places him all 
at once in a very superior situation Page 219 



BOOK THE SEVENTH. 

Chap. I. — The tender attachment between Gil Bias and Dame Lorenza Se- 
phora 220 

Chap. II. — What happened to Gil Bias after his retreat from the Castle of 
Leyva, shewing that those who are crossed in love are not always the most 
miserable of mankind. 226 

Chap. III. — Gil Bias becomes the archbishop's favourite, and the channel of 
all his favours 229 

Chap. IV. — The archbishop is afflicted with a stroke of apoplexy. How Gil 
Bias gets into a dilemma, and how he gets out 233 

Chap. V. — The course which Gil Bias took after the archbishop had given him 
his dismissal. His accidental meeting with the licentiate who was so deeply 
in his debt ; and a picture of gratitude in the person of a parson 235 

Chap. VI. — Gil Bias goes to the play at Grenada. His surprise at seeing one 
of the actresses, and what happened thereupon 237 

Chap. VII. — Laura's story 241 

Chap. VIII. — The reception of Gil Bias among the players at Grenada ; and 
another old acquaintance picked up in the green-room 249 

Chap. IX. — An extraordinaiy companion at supper, and an account of their 
conversation 25 1 

Chap. X. — The Marquis de Marialva gives a commission to Gil Bias. That 
faithful secretary acquits himself of it as shall be related 252 

Chap. XI— A thunderbolt to Gil Bias 254 

Chap. XII. — Gil Bias takes lodgings in a ready-fumished house. He gets ac- 
quainted with Captain Chinchilla. That officer's character arid business at 
Madrid 256 

Chap. XIII. — Gil Bias comes across his dear friend Fabricio at court. Great 
ecstasy on both sides. They adjourn together, and compare notes ; but their 
conversation is too curious to be anticipated 260 

Chap. XIV. — Fabricio finds a situation for Gil Bias in the establishment of 
Count Galiano, a Sicilian nobleman 266 

Chap. XV. — The employment of Gil Bias in Don Galiano's household 268 

Chap. XVI. — An accident happens to the Count de Galiano's monkey ; his 
lordship's affliction on that occasion. The illness of Gil Bias, and its conse- 
quences 271 



CONTENTS. 



Tordesillas at the drawing-room, and adjourns with them to a more convenient 

place. The story of Don Gaston and Donna Helena de Galisteo concluded. 

Santillane renders some service to Tordesillas Page 417 

Chap. XIV. — Santillane's visit to poet Nunez, the company and conversation 420 



BOOK THE TWELFTH. 

Chap. I. — Gil Bias sent to Toledo by the minister. The purpose of his 
journey and its success 421 

Chap. II. — Santillane makes his report to the minister, who commissions him 
to send for Lucretia. The first appearance of that actress before the 
court 425 

Chap. III. — Lucretia's popularity, her appearance before the king, his passion, 
and its consequences 426 

Chap. IV. — Santillane in a new office 428 

Chap. V. — The son of the Genoese is acknowledged by a legal instrument, and 
named Don Henry Philip de Guzman. Santillane establishes his household, 
and arranges the course of his studies 429 

Chap. VI. — Scipio's return from New Spain. Gil Bias places him about Don 
Henry's person. That young nobleman's course of study. His career of 
honour, and his father's matrimonial speculation on his behalf. A patent of 
nobility conferred on Gil Bias against his will 430 

Chap. VII. — An accidental meeting between Gil Bias and Fabricio. Their 
last conversation together, and a word to the wise from Nunez 432 

Chap. VIII. — Gil Bias finds that Fabricio's hint was not without foundation. 
The king's journey to Saragossa 433 

Chap. IX. — The revolution of Portugal, and disgrace of the prime min- 
ister 434 

Chap. X. — A difficult, but successful, weaning from the world. The minister's 
employment in his retreat 435 

Chap. XL — A change in his lordship for the worse. The marvellous cause, 
and melancholy consequences, of his dejection 436 

Chap. XII. — The proceedings at the castle of Loeches after his lordship's 
death, and the course which Santillane adopted 438 

Chap. XIII. — The return of Gil Bias to his seat. His joy at finding his god- 
daughter Seraphina marriageable ; and his own second venture in the lottery 
of love „o 354 

Chap. XIV.— A double marriage, and the conclusion of the history --g 

C -.«.. x-.^. — is w jir^ x^o witn the fair Antonia ; the style and manner 

of the ceremony ; the persons assisting thereat ; and the festivities ensuing 

"" I =22202 3 qcj 

M^ -' — — . 



CONTENTS. 






Chap. X. — The honeymoon (a very dull time for the reader as a third person) 

enlivened by the commencement of Scipio's story Page 363 

Chap. XI. — Continuation of Scipio's story 375 

Chap. XII. — Conclusion of Scipio's story 382 



BOOK THE ELEVENTH. 



Chap. I. — Containing the subject of the greatest joy that Gil Bias ever felt, 
followed up, as our greatest pleasures too generally are, by the most melan- 
choly event of his life. Great changes at court, producing, among other im- 
portant revolutions, the return of Santillane 392 

Chap. II. — Gil Bias arrives in Madrid, and makes his appearance at court; the 
king is blessed with a better memory than most of his courtiers, and recom- 
mends him to the notice of his prime minister. Consequences of that re- 
commendation 395 

Chap. III. — The project of retirement is prevented, and Joseph Navarro brought 
upon the stage again, by an act of signal service 398 

Chap. IV. — Gil Bias ingratiates himself with the Count of Olivarez 399 

Chap. V. — The private conversation of Gil Bias with Navarro, and his first em- 
ployment in the service of the Count d'Olivarez 401 

Chap. VI. — The application of the three hundred pistoles, and Scipio's com- 
mission connected with them. Success of the state paper mentioned in the 
last chapter 404 

Chap. VII. — Gil Bias meets with his friend Fabricio once more ; the accident, 
place, and circumstances described, with the particulars of their conversation 
together 406 

Chap. VIII. — Gil Bias gets forward progressively in his master's affections. 
Scipio's return to Madrid, and account of his journey 408 

Chap. IX. — How my lord duke married his only daughter, and to whom, with 
the bitter consequences of that marriage 410 

Chap. X. — Gil Bias meets with the poet Nunez by accident, and learns that he 
has written a tragedy, which is on the point of being brought out at the 
theatre royal. The ill fortune of the piece, and the good fortune of its 
author 41 1 

Chap. XI. — Santillane gives Scipio a situation ; the latter sets out for New 
Spain 413 

Chap. XII. — Don Alphonso de Leyva comes to Madrid; the motive of his 
HAP. X\ ^mey g severe affliction to Gil Bias, and a cause of rejoicing subsequent ' \ 
lordship's affliction _m xu*. — — - 

quences . 



CONTENTS. 



Chap. III. — Preparations for the marriage of Gil Bias. A spoke in the wheel 
of Hymen Page 313 

Chap. IV. — The treatment of Gil Bias in the tower of Segovia. The cause of 
his imprisonment 314 

Chap. V. — His reflections before he went to sleep that night, and the noise 
that waked him 316 

Chap. VI. — History of Don Gaston de Cogollos and Donna Helena de 
Galisteo 318 

Chap. VII. — Scipio finds Gil Bias out in the tower of Segovia, and brings 
him a budget of news 325 

Chap. VIII. — Scipio's first journey to Madrid : its object and success. Gil Bias 
falls sick. The consequence of his illness 327 

Chap. IX. — Scipio's second journey to Madrid. Gil Bias is set at liberty on 
certain conditions. Their departure from the tower of Segovia, and convers- 
ation on their journey 329 

Chap. X. — Their doings at Madrid. The rencounter of Gil Bias in the street, 
and its consequences 331 



BOOK THE TENTH. 

Chap. I. — Gil Bias sets out for the Asturias, and passes through Valladolid, 
where he goes to see his old master, Doctor Sangrado. By accident he comes 
across Signor Manuel Ordonnez, governor of the hospital 333 

Chap. II. — Gil Bias continues his journey, and arrives in safety at Oviedo. The 
condition of his family. His father's death, and its consequences 338 

Chap. III. — Gil Bias sets out for Valencia, and arrives at Lirias ; description 
of his seat ; the particulars of his reception, and the characters of the inha- 
bitants he found there 343 

Chap. IV. — A journey to Valencia, and a visit to the lords of Leyva. The 
conversation of the gentlemen, and Seraphina's demeanour 346 

Chap. V. — Gil Bias goes to the play, and sees a new tragedy. The success of 
the piece. The public taste at Valencia 348 

Chap. VI. — Gil Bias, walking about the streets of Valencia, meets with a man 
of sanctity, whose pious face he has seen somewhere else. What sort of man 
this man of sanctity turns out to be 351 

Chap. VII. — Gil Bias returns to his seat at Lirias. Scipio's agreeable intelli- 
gence, and a reform in the domestic arrangements 354 

Chap. VIII. —The loves of Gil Bias and the fair Antonia 356 

Chap. IX. — Nuptials of Gil Bias with the fair Antonia ; the style and manner 
of the ceremony ; the persons assisting thereat ; and the festivities ensuing 



CONTENTS. 



BOOK THE EIGHTH. 

Chap. I. — Gil Bias scrapes an acquaintance of some value, and finds where- 
withal to make him amends for the Count de Galiano's ingratitude. Don 
Valerio de Luna's story Page 276 

Chap. II. — Gil Bias is introduced to the Duke of Lerma, who admits him 
among the number of his secretaries, and requires a specimen of his talents, 
with which he is well satisfied 279 

Chap. III. — All is not gold that glitters. Some uneasiness resulting from the 
discovery of that principle in philosophy, and its practical application to 
existing circumstances 281 

Chap. IV. — Gil Bias becomes a favourite with the Duke of Lerma, and the 
confidant of an important secret 284 

Chap. V. — The joys, the honours, and the miseries of a court life, in the per- 
son of Gil Bias 285 

Chap. VI. — Gil Bias gives the Duke of Lerma a hint of his wretched condi- 
tion. That minister deals with him accordingly 287 

Chap. VII. — A good use made of the fifteen hundred ducats. A first intro- 
duction to the trade of office, and an account of the profit accruing there- 
from 290 

Chap. VIII. — History of Don Roger de Rada 291 

Chap. IX. — Gil Bias makes a large fortune in a short time, and behaves like 
other wealthy upstarts 295 

Chap. X. — The morals of Gil Bias become at court much as if they had never 
been at all. A commission from the Count de Lemos, which, like most 
court commissions, implies an intrigue 299 

Chap. XL — The Prince of Spain's secret visit, and presents to Catalina 303 

Chap. XII. — Catalina's real condition a worry and alarm to Gil Bias. His 
precautions for his own ease and quiet 305 

Chap. XIII. — Gil Bias goes on personating the great man. Pie hears news 
of his family: a touch of nature on the occasion. A grand quarrel with 
Fabricio 307 

BOOK THE NINTH. 

Chap. I. — Scipio's scheme of marriage for Gil Bias. The match, a rich gold- 
smith's daughter. Circumstances connected with this speculation 309 

Chap. II. — In the progress of political vacancies, Gil Bias recollects that there 
is such a man in the world as Don Alphonso de Leyva, and renders him a 
, service from motives of vanity 271 



H£ °LIV SD /* 



HISTORY OF GIL BLAS 

OF SANTILLANE. 






BOOK THE FIRST. 

Chapter. I. — The birth and education of Gil Bias. 

My father, Bias of Santillane, after having borne arms for a lone time in the 
Spanish service, retired to his native place.* Therehe married a chamber maid 
who was not exactly m her teens, and I made my debut on this sSe ten 
months alter marriage. They afterwards went to live at OWedo whefe m 
mother got into service, and my father obtained a situation equally adaptedto 
his capacities as a squire As their wages were their fortune, I m ght Imve tS 
my education as I could, had it not been for an uncle of mine in the lown 
a canon, by name Gil Perez. He was my mother's eldest brZer and mv 3' 
father. Figure to yourself a little fellow, three feet and a ha 2 affairs™ 
uncleTTh?!^ 11 * head *» nk dee P between his shoulders, and ?'you havemy 
uncle to the life For the rest of his qualities, he was an ecclesiastic and of 
~!!S ofnothi ng but good living, I mean in the flesh a weU as in the 
tjmt, with the means of which good living his stall, no lean one, provide! 

He took me home to his own house from my infancy, and ran the risk of mv 

Si^ U & bou^nf him " S ° bl ' iS J a kd ' " hat be'resolved to cu vate m^ 
!v!nf i t ° Ught me a pnmer ' and undertook my tuition as far as reading 
went : which was not amiss for himself as well as for me • sfnce bv teSh nf 

T,^i^:^: d ^bT : ea ; nin T- which had ^S & 

cTvJ" V? Y ff t0 ha T taUght me Latin ' to ™e expense but, alas - poor 
onlsil LttlTZ Sklm r d A 6 firSt Prind P leS ° f k in the wffi Srsl 
chaer though on a .llT ^ f ^ ™ S the m ° St ignorant memb er of the 
canons T 3 f . J6C l nvoIvm g as many possibilities as there were 

canons I presume not to pledge myself for anything like certaintv t! il 

r 6 ° rder ° f P nesth00d ^hout the troublesome ceremony T an e P xaml" 



L?I w^ f^f * herefor ^ to P Iac « me under the correction of a master so 
hatT was sent to Doctor Godinez, who had the reputation of bein™ ' ' 



GIL BLAS. 



accomplished pedant of Oviedo. I profited so well under his instructions, that, 
by the end of five or six years I could read a Greek author or two, and had no 
very inadequate conception of the Latin poets. Besides my classical studies, I 
applied to logic, which enabled me to become an expert arguer. I now fell in 
love with discussions of all kinds to such an excess, that I stopped his Majesty's 
subjects on the high road, acquaintance or strangers, no matter ! and proposed 
some knotty point of controversy. Sometimes I fell in with a clan of Irish, and 
an altercation never comes amiss to them ! That was your time, if you are fond 
of a battle. Such gestures ! such grimaces ! such contortions ! Our eyes 
sparkling, and our mouths foaming ! Those who did not take us for what we 
affected to be, philosophers, must have set us down for madmen. 

But let that be as it will, I gained the reputation of no small learning in the 
town. My uncle was delighted, because he prudently considered that I should 
so much the sooner cease to be chargeable to him. Come here, Gil Bias, 
quoth he one day, you are got to be a fine fellow. You are past seventeen, and 
a clever lad ; you must bestir yourself, and get forward in the world. I think 
of sending you to the university of Salamanca : with your wit you will easily 
get a good post. I will give you a few ducats for your journey, and my mule, 
which will fetch ten or twelve pistoles at Salamanca, and with such a sum at 
setting out, you will be enabled to hold up your head till you get a situation. 

He could not have proposed to me anything more agreeable : for I was dying 
to see a little of life. At the same time, I was not such a fool as to betray my 
satisfaction ; and when it came to the hour of parting, by the sensibility I dis- 
covered at taking leave of my dear uncle, to whom I was so much obliged, and 
by calling in the stage effect of grief, I so softened the good soul, that he put 
his hand deeper into his pocket than he would have done, could he have pried 
into all that was passing in the interior of my hypocritical little heart. Before 
my departure I took a last leave of my papa and mamma, who loaded me with 
an ample inheritance of good advice. They enjoined me to pray to God for 
my uncle, to go honestly through the world, not to engage in any ill, and above 
all, not to lay my hands on other people's property. After they had lectured 
me for a good while, they made me a present of their blessing, which was all 
my patrimony and all my expectation. As soon as I had received it, I mounted 
my mule, and saw the outside of the town. 

Ch. II. — Gil Bids' alarm o?i his road to Pegnaflor ; his adventures on his anival 
in that town ; and the character of the men with whom he supped. 

Here I am, then, on the other side of Oviedo, on the road to Pegnaflor, with 
the world before me, as yet my own master, as well as master of a bad mule 
and forty good ducats, without reckoning on a little supplementary cash pur- 
loined from my much-honoured uncle. The first thing I did was to let my mule 
go as the beast liked, that is to say, very lazily. I dropped the rein, and taking 
out my ducats, began to count them backwards and forwards in my hat. I 
was out of my wits for joy, never having seen such a sum of money before, and 
could not help looking at it and sifting it through my fingers. I had counted 
it over about the twentieth time, when all at once my mule, with head raised, 
and ears pricked up, stood stock still in the middle of the high road. I thought 
to be sure, something was the matter ; looked about for a cause, and perceivin . 
a hat upon the ground, with a rosary of large beads, at the same time heard 11S 
lugubrious voice pronounce these words : Pray, honoured master, have pity c Wit 
a poor maimed soldier ! Please to throw a few small pieces into this hat ; yo| 
shall be rewarded for it in the other world. I looked immediately on the sidj 
lordshlp e s t a l &X. < 2iS e proceeded, and saw, just by a thicket, twenty or thirty pacg 

quences J \ 



AD VENTURES A T PEGNAFL GR. 



from me, a sort of a soldier, who had mounted the barrel of a confounded 
long carbine on two cross sticks, . and seemed to be taking aim at me. At a 
sight which made me tremble for the patrimony of the Church committed to 
my care, I stopped short, made sure of my ducats, and taking out a little small 
change, as I rode by the hat, placed to receive the charity of those quiet sub- 
jects who had not the courage to refuse it, dropped in my contribution in detail, 
to convince the soldier how nobly I dealt by him. He was satisfied with my 
liberality, and gave me a blessing for every kick I gave my mule in my impa- 
tience to get out of his way ; but the infernal beast, without partaking in the 
slightest degree of my impatience, went at the old steady pace. A long custom 
of jogging on fair and softly under my uncle's weight had obliterated every idea 
of that motion called a gallop. 

The prospect of my journey was not much improved by this adventure as a 
specimen. I considered within myself that I had yet some distance to Sala- 
manca, and might, not improbably, meet with something worse. My uncle 
seemed to have been very imprudent not to have consigned me to the care of a 
muleteer. That, to be sure, was what he ought to have done ; but his notion 
was, that by giving me his mule, my journey would be cheaper ; and that 
entered more into his calculation than the dangers in which I might be involved 
on the road. To retrieve his error, therefore, I resolved, if I had the good luck 
to arrive safe at Fegnaflor, to offer my mule for sale, and take the opportunity 
of a muleteer going to Astorga, whence I might get to Salamanca by a similar 
conveyance. Though I had never been out of Oviedo I was acquainted with 
the names of the towns through which I was to pass. ; a species of information 
I took care to procure before my setting out. 

I got safe and sound to Pegnaflor, and stopped at the door of a very decent- 
looking inn. My foot was scarcely out of the stirrup before the landlord was 
at my side, overwhelming me with public-house civility. He untied my cloak- 
bag with his own hands, swung it across his shoulders, and ushered my Honour 
into a room, while one of his men led my mule to the stable. This landlord, 
the most busy prattler of the Asturias, ready to bother you impertinently about 
his own concerns, and, at the same time, with a sufficient portion of curiosity to 
worm himself into the knowledge of yours, was not long in telling me that his 
name was Andrew Corcuelo ; that he had seen some service as a sergeant in the 
army, which he had quitted fifteen months ago, and married a girl of Castropol, 
who, though a little tawny or so, knew how to make both ends meet as well as 
the best of them. He told me a thousand things besides which he might just 
as well have kept private. Thinking himself entitled, after this voluntary con- 
fidence, to an equal share of mine, he asked me in a breath, and without further 
preface, whence I came, whither I was going, and who I was. To all this I 
felt myself bound to answer, article by article, because, though rather abrupt 
in asking them, he accompanied each question with so apologetic a bow, 
beseeching me with so submissive a grimace not to be offended at his curiosity, 
that I was drawn in to gratify it whether I would or no. Thus by degrees did 
we get into a long conversation, in the course of which I took occasion to hint 
that I had some reasons for wishing to get rid of my mule, and travel under 
convoy of a muleteer. He seemed on the whole to approve of my plan, though 
he could not prevail with himself to tell me so briefly ; for he introduced his 
remarks by descanting on all the possible and probable mischances to which 
travellers are liable on the road, not omitting an awkward story now and then. 
I thought the fellow would never have done. But the conclusion of the argu- 
ment was, that if I wanted to sell my mule, he knew an honest jockey who 
would take it off my hands. I begged he would do me the favour to fetch him, 
.vhich was no sooner said than done. 

1 * 



L 



GIL BLAS. 



On his return he introduced the purchaser, with a high encomium on his integrity. 
We all three went into the yard, and the mule was brought out to show paces 
before the jockey, who set himself to examine the beast from head to foot. His 
report was bad enough. To be sure, it would not have been easy to make a 
good one ; but if it had been the pope's mule, and this fellow was to cheapen 
the bargain, it would have been just the same : nay, to speak with all due 
reverence, if he had been asked to give an opinion of the pope's great toe, from 
that disparaging habit of his, he would have pronounced it no better than the 
toe of any ordinary man. He laid it down, therefore, as a principle, that the 
mule had all the defects a mule could have : appealing to the landlord for a 
confirmation of his judgment, who, doubtless, had reasons of his own for not 
controverting his friend's assertion. Well ! says the jockey, with an air of in- 
difference, What price have you the conscience to ask for this devil of an ani- 
mal ? After such a panegyric, and master Corcuelo's certificate, whom I was 
fool enough to take for a fair-dealing man and a good judge of horse-flesh, they 
might have had the mule for nothing. I therefore told the dealer that I threw 
myself on his mercy : he must fix his own sum, and I should expect no more. 
On this he began to affect the gentleman, and answered that I had found out 
his weak side when I left it to his honour. He was right enough in that ! his 
honour was his weak side ! for instead of bidding up to my uncle's estimate of 
ten or twelve pistoles, the rascal had the impudence to offer three ducats, which 
I accepted with as light a heart as if I had got the best of the bargain. 

Having disencumbered myself of my mule in so tradesmanlike a manner, I 
went -with my landlord to a carrier who was to set out early the next morning 
for Astorga, and engaged to call me up in time. When we had settled the hire 
of the mule, as well as the expenses on the road, I turned back towards the inn 
with Corcuelo, who, as we went along, got into the private history of this mule- 
teer. When I had been pestered with all the tittle-tattle of the town about this 
fellow, the changes were just beginning to ring on some new subject ; but, by 
good luck, a pretty-looking sort of a man very civilly interrupted my loquacious 
friend. I left them together, and sauntered on without the slightest suspicion of 
being at all concerned in their discourse. 

I ordered supper as soon as I got to the inn. It was a fish day : but I thought 
eggs were better suited to my finances. While they were getting ready I joined 
in conversation with the landlady, whom I had not seen before. She seemed a 
pretty piece of goods enough, and such a stirring body, that I should have con- 
cluded, if her husband had not told me so, her tavern must have plenty of cus- 
tom. The moment the omelet was served up I sat down to table by myself, 
and had scarcely got the relish of it, when my landlord walked in, followed by 
the man who had stopped him in the street. This pleasant gentleman wore a 
long rapier, and might, perhaps, be about thirty years of age. He came up to 
me in the most friendly manner possible. Mr Professor, says he, I have just 
now heard that you are the renowned Gil Bias of Santillane, that ornament of 
Oviedo and luminary of philosophy. And do my eyes behold that very greatest 
of all great scholars and wits, whose reputation has run hither so fast before 
him ? Little do you think, continues he, directing his discourse to the landlord 
and landlady, little do you imagine, I say, what good luck has befallen you. 
Why, you have got hold of a treasure. In this young gentleman you behold 
the eighth wonder of the world. Then running up and throwing his arms about 
my neck, Excuse me, added he ; but worlds would not bribe me to suppress 
the rapturous emotions your honoured presence has excited. 

I could not answer him so glibly as I wished, not so much for want of words 
as of breath ; for he hugged me so tight that I began to be alarmed for my wind- 
pipe. As soon, however, as I had got my head out of durance, I replied, Si, 



DUPED BY A PARASITE. 



nor cavalier, I had not the least conception that my name was known at Penag- 
flor. Known ? resumed he in the same pompous style ; we keep a register of 
all great persons within a circuit of twenty leagues round us. You have the 
character of a prodigy here ; and I have not a shadow of doubt, but one day or 
other Spain will be as proud of numbering you among her rare productions, as 
Greece of having given birth to her seven wise men. This fine speech was fol- 
lowed as before ; and I really began to think that with all my classical honours 
I should at last be doomed to share the fate of Antaeus. If I had been master 
of ever so little experience, I should not have been the dupe of his rhodomon- 
tade. I must have discovered him by his outrageous compliments, to be one of 
those parasites who swarm in every town, and get into a stranger's company on 
his arrival, to appease the wolf in their stomachs at his expense ; but my youth 
and vanity tempted me to draw a quite opposite conclusion. My admirer was 
very clever in my eyes, and I asked him to supper on the strength of it. Oh ! 
most willingly, cried he : with all my heart and soul. My fortunate star pre- 
dominates, now that I have the honour of being in company with the illustrious 
Gil Bias of Santillane, and I shall certainly make the most of my good fortune 
as long as it lasts. My appetite is rather delicate, but I will just sit down with 
you by way of being sociable, and if I can swallow a bit ! only just not to look 
sulky ; for we philosophers are careless of the body. 

These words were no sooner out of his mouth, than my panegyrist took his 
seat opposite to me. A cover was laid for him in due form and order. First 
he fell on the omelet with as much perseverance as if he had not tasted food for 
three whole days. By the complacency with which he eyed it I was morally 
certain the poor pancake was at death's door. I therefore ordered its heir- 
apparent to succeed ; and the business was despatched with such speed, that 
the second made its appearance on the table, just as we ; — no : — I beg pardon ; 
— just as he had taken the last lick of its predecessor. He pressed forward the 
main business, however, with a diligence and activity proportioned to the im- 
portance of the object he had in view : so that he contrived to load me with 
panegyric on panegyric, without losing a single stroke in the progress of masti- 
cation. Now all this gave me no slender conceit of my pretty little self. When 
a man eats, he must drink. The first toast of course was my health. The 
second, in common civility, was my father and mother, whose happiness in 
having such an angel of a son, he could not sufficiently envy or admire. All' 
this while he kept filling my glass, and challenging me to keep pace with him. 
It was impossible to be backward in doing justice to such excellent toasts and 
sentiments : the compliments with which they were seasoned did not come 
amiss ; so that I got into such a convivial mood, at observing our second ome- 
let to disappear not insensibly, as just to ask the landlord if he could not find us 
a little bit of fish. Master Corcuelo, who to all appearance played booty with the 
parasite, told me he had an excellent trout ; but those who eat him must pay 
for him. I am afraid he is meat for your masters. Meat for our masters ! 
exclaims my very humble servant in an angry tone of voice : that is more than 
you know, my friend. Are you yet to learn that the best of your larder is not 
too good for the renowned Gil Bias of Santillane? Go where he will, he is fit 
to table with princes. 

I was very glad that he took up the landlord's last expression ; because if he 
ad not, I should. I felt myself a little hurt at it, and said to Corcuelo with 
some degree of hauteur : Produce this trout of yours, and I will take the con- 
sequences. The landlord, who had got just what he wanted, set himself to 
work, and served it up in high order. At the first glance of this third course I 
saw such pleasure sparkling in the parasite's eyes, as proved him to be of a very 
complying temper ; just as ready to do a kindness by the fish, as by those said 



h 



GIL BLAS. 



eggs of which he had given so good an account. But at last he was obliged to 
lay down his arms for fear of accidents ; as his magazine was crammed to the 
very throat. Having eat and drank his fill, he bethought him of putting a 
finishing hand to the farce. Master Gil Bias, said he, as he rose from the table, 
I am too well pleased with my princely entertainment to leave you without a 
word of advice, of which you seem to stand in much need. From this time 
forward be on your guard against extravagant praise. Do not trust men till you 
know them. You may meet with many another man, who, like me, may amuse 
himself at your expense, and perhaps carry the joke a little further. But do not 
you be taken in a second time, to believe yourself, on the word of such fellows, 
the eighth wonder of the world. With this sting in the tail of his farewell 
speech he very coolly took his leave. 

I was as much alive to so ridiculous a circumstance, as I have ever been in 
after-life to the most severe mortifications. I did not know how to reconcile 
myself to the idea of having been so egregiously taken in, or, in fact, to lowering 
of my pride. So, so ! quoth I, this rascal has been putting his tricks upon 
travellers, has he ? Then he only wanted to pump my landlord ! or more likely 
they were both in a story. Ah ! my poor Gil Bias, thou hadst better hide thy 
silly head ! To have suffered such knaves as these to turn thee into ridicule ! A 
pretty story they will make of this ! It is sure to travel back to Oviedo ; and 
will give our friends a hopeful prospect of thy success in life. The family will 
be quite delighted to think what a blessed harvest all their pious advice has pro- 
duced. There was no occasion to preach up morals to thee ; for verily thou 
hast more of the dupe than the sharper in thy composition. Ready to tear my 
eyes out or bite my fingers off from spite and vexation, I locked myself up in my 
chamber and went to bed, but not to sleep ; of which I had not got a wink 
when the muleteer came to tell me, that he only waited for me to set out on his 
journey. I got up as expeditiously as I could ; and while I was dressing Cor- 
cuelo put in his appearance, with a little bill in his hand ; — a slight memorandum 
of the trout ! — But paying through the nose was not the worst of it ; for I had 
the vexation to perceive, that while I was counting over the cost, this hang-dog 
was chuckling at the recollection of the night before. Having been fleeced most 
shamefully for a supper, which stuck in my stomach though I had scarcely come 
in for a morsel of it, I joined the muleteer with my baggage, giving to as many 
devils as there are saints in the calendar, the parasite, the landlord, and the inn. 

Ch. III. — The muleteers temptation on the road ; its consequences, and the 
sitnatio7i of Gil Bias between Scylla and Charybdis. 

I was not the only passenger. There were two young gentlemen of Pegnaflor ; 
a little chorister of Mondognedo, who was travelling about the country, and a 
young tradesman of Astorga, returning home from Verco with his new-married 
wife. We soon got acquainted, and exchanged the usual confidence of travel- 
lers, telling one another whence we came and whither we were going. The 
bride was young enough ; but so dark-complexioned, with so little of what a 
man likes to look at in a woman, that I did not think her worth the trouble. 
But she had youth and a good crummy person on her side, and the muleteer, 
being rather less nice in his taste, was resolved to try if he could not get into 
her good graces. This pretty project occupied his ingenuity during the whole 
day ; but he deferred the execution till we should get to Cacabelos, the last 
place where we were to stop on the road. We alighted at an inn in the out- 
skirts of the town, a quiet convenient place, 'with a landlord who never trou- 
bled himself about other people's concerns. We were ushered into a private 
room, and got our supper snugly : but just as the cloth was taken away in comes 



THE MULETEER'S TRICK AND ITS CONSEQUENCES. 7 

our carrier in a furious passion : — Death and the devil ! I have been robbed. 
Here had I a hundred pistoles in my purse ! But I will have them back again. 
I am going for a magistrate ; — and those gentry will not take a joke upon such 
serious subjects. You will all be put to the rack, unless you confess, and give 
back the money. The fellow played his part very naturally, and burst out of 
the room, leaving us in a terrible fright. 

We had none of us the least suspicion of the trick, and being all strangers, 
were afraid of one another. I looked askance at the little chorister, and he, 
perhaps, had no better opinion of me. Besides, we were all a pack of green- 
horns, and "were quite unacquainted with the routine of business on these occa- 
sions. We were fools enough to believe that the torture would be the very 
first stage of our examination. With this dread upon our spirits, we all made 
for the door. Some effected their escape into the street, others into the 
garden : but the whole party preferred the discretion of running away to the 
valour of standing their ground. The young tradesman of Astorga had as 
great an objection to bone-twisting as the rest of us : so he did as Eneas, and 
many another good husband has done before him ; — ran away and left his wife 
behind. At that critical moment the muleteer, as I was told afterwards, who 
had not half so much sense of decency as his own mules, delighted at the suc- 
cess of his stratagem, began moving his motives to the citizen's wife : but this 
Lucrece of the Asturias, borrowing the chastity of a saint from the ugliness of 
the devil who tempted her, defended her sweet person tooth and nail ; and 
showed she was in earnest about it by the noise she made. The patrol, who hap- 
pened to be passing by the inn at the time, and knew that the neighbourhood 
required a little looking after, took the liberty of just asking the cause of the 
disturbance. The landlord, who was trying if he could not sing in the kitchen 
louder than she could scream in the parlour, and swore he heard no music but 
his own, was at last obliged to introduce the myrmidons of the police to the 
distressed lady, just in time to rescue her from the necessity of a surrender at 
discretion. The head officer, a coarse fellow, without an atom of feeling for 
the tender passion, no sooner saw the game that was playing, than he gave the 
amorous muleteer five or six blows with the butt end of his halberd, representing 
to him the indecency of his conduct in terms quite as offensive to modesty as 
the naughty propensity which had called forth his virtuous indignation. Neither 
did he stop here ; but laid hold of the culprit, and carried plaintiff and defend- 
ant before the magistrate. The former, with her charms all heightened by the 
discomposure of her dress, went eagerly to try their effect in obtaining justice 
for the outrage they had sustained. His Worship heard at least one party ; 
and after solemn deliberation pronounced the offence to be of a most heinous 
nature. He ordered him to be stripped, and to receive a competent number 
of lashes in his presence. The conclusion of the sentence was, that if the 
Endymion of our Asturian Diana was not forthcoming the next day, a couple 
of guards should escort the disconsolate goddess to the town of Astorga, at the 
expense of this mule-driving Acteon. 

For my part, being probably more terrified than the rest of the party, I got 
into the fields, scampering over hedge and ditch, through enclosures and across 
commons, till I found myself hard by a forest. I was just going for conceal- 
ment to ensconce myself in the very heart of the thicket, when two men on 
horseback rode across me, crying, Who goes there ? As my alarm prevented me 
from giving them an immediate answer, they came to close quarters, and hold- 
ing each of them a pistol to my throat, required me to give an account of 
myself; who I was, whence I came, what business I had in that forest, and 
above all, not to tell a lie about it. Their rough interrogatives were, according 
to my notion, little better than the rack with which our friend the muleteer had 



GIL BLAS. 



offered to treat us. I represented myself however as a young man on my way 
from Oviedo to Salamanca ; told the story of our late fright, and ^faithfully 
attributed my running away in such a hurry to the dread of a worse exercise 
under the torture. They burst into an immoderate fit of laughter at my sim- 
plicity ; and one of them said : Take heart, my little friend ; come along with 
us, and do not be afraid ; we will put you in a place where the devil shall not 
find you. At these words, he took me up behind him, and we darted into 
the forest. 

I did not know what to think of this odd meeting ; yet on the whole I could 
not well be worse off than before. If these gentry, thought I to myself, had 
been thieves, they would have robbed, and perhaps murdered me. Depend on 
it, they are a couple of good honest country gentlemen in this neighbourhood, 
who, seeing me frightened, have taken compassion on me, and mean to carry 
me home with them and make me comfortable. But these visions did not last 
long. After turning and winding backward and forward in deep silence, we 
found ourselves at the foot of a hill, where we dismounted. This is our abode, 
said one of these sequestered gentlemen. I looked about in all directions, but 
the deuce a bit of either house or cottage : not a vestige of human habitation ! 
The two men in the mean time raised a great wooden trap, covered with earth 
and briars, to conceal the entrance of a long shelving passage under-ground, to 
which from habits the poor beasts took very kindly of their own accord. Their 
masters kept tight hold of me, and let the trap down after them. Thus was 
the worthy nephew of my uncle Perez caught, just for all the world as you 
would catch a rat 

Ch. IV. — -Description of the subterraneous dwelling and its contents. 

I NOW knew into what company I had fallen ; and I leave it to any one to 
judge whether the discover}- must not have rid me of my former fear. A dread 
more mighty and more just now seized my faculties. Money and life, all given 
up for lost ! With the air of a victim on his passage to the altar did I walk, 
more dead than alive, between my two conductors, who finding that I trembled, 
frightened me so much the more by telling me not to be afraid. When we had 
gone two hundred paces, winding down a declivity all the way, we got into 
a stable lighted by two large iron lamps suspended from the vault above. 
There was a good store of straw, and several casks of hay and corn with room 
enough for twenty horses : but at that time there were only the two which 
came with us. An old negro, who seemed for his years in pretty good case, 
was tying them to the rack where they were to feed. 

We went out of the stable. By the melancholy light of some other lamps, 
which only served to dress up horror in its native colours, we arrived at a kitchen 
where an old harridan was broiling some steaks on the coals, and getting 
supper ready. The kitchen furniture was better than might be expected, and 
the pantry provided in a very plentiful manner. The lady of the larder's picture 
is worth drawing. Considerably on the wrong side of sixty ! — In her youth 
her hair had been of a fiery red ; though she would have called it auburn. 
Time had indeed given it the fairer tint of grey ; but a lock of more youthful 
hue, interspersed at intervals, produced all the variegated effect of the admired 
autumnal shades. To say nothing of an olive complexion, she had an enor- 
mous chin turning up, an immense nose turning down, with a mouth in the 
middle, modestly retiring inwards, to make room for its encroaching neigh- 
bours. Red eyes are no beauty in any animal but a ferret ; — hers were purple. 

Here, dame Leonarda, said one of the horsemen as he presented me to this 
angelic imp of darkness, we have brought you a young lad. Then lookiig 



THE SUBTERRANEOUS DWELLING. 



round, and observing me to be miserably pale, Pluck up your spirits, my friend ; 
you shall come to no harm. We want a scullion, and have met with you. 
You are a lucky dog ! We had a boy who died about a fortnight ago : you 
shall succeed to the preferment. He was rather too delicate for his place. 
You seem a good stout fellow, and may live a week or two longer. We find 
you in bed and board, coal and candle ; but as for day-light, you will never 
see that again. Your leisure hours will pass off very agreeably with Leonarda, 
who is really a very good creature, and tolerably tender-hearted ; you will have 
all your little comforts about you. I flatter myself you have not got among 
beggars. At this moment the thief seized a flambeau ; and as I feared, "with 
zeal to destroy ;" for he ordered me to follow him. 

He took me into a cellar, where I saw a great number of bottles and earthen 
pots full of excellent wine. He then made me cross several rooms. In some 
were pieces of cloth piled up ; in others, stuffs and silks. As we passed through 
I could not help casting a sheep's eye at the gold and silver plate peeping out 
of the different cupboards. After that, I followed him into a great hall illumin- 
ated by three copper lustres, and serving as a gallery between the other rooms. 
Here he put fresh questions to me ; asking my name ; — why I left Oviedo ; — and 
when I had satisfied his curiosity : W T ell, Gil Bias, said he, since your only motive 
for quitting your native place was to get into something snug and eligible, to be 
sure you must have been born to good luck, or you would not have fallen into 
our hands. I tell you once for all, you will live here on the fat of the land, 
and may souse over head and ears in ready money. Besides, you are in a place 
of perfect safety. The officers of the holy brotherhood might pass through the 
forest a hundred times without discovering our subterraneous abode. The 
entrance is only known to myself and my comrades. You may perhaps ask how 
it came to be contrived, without being perceived by the inhabitants in the neigh- 
bourhood. But you are to understand, my friend, that it was made long ago, and 
is no work of ours. After the Moors had made themselves masters of Granada, 
of Arragon, and nearly the whole of Spain, the Christians, rather than submit 
to the tyranny of infidels, betook themselves to flight, and lay concealed in this 
country, in Biscay, and in the Asturias, whither the brave Don Pelagio had 
withdrawn himself. They lived in a state of exile, on the mountains, or in the 
woods, dispersed in little knots. Some took up their residences in natural 
caves, others in artificial dwellings under-ground, like this we are in. In pro- 
cess of time, when by the blessing of Providence they had driven their enemies 
out of Spain, they returned to the towns. From that time forth their retreats 
have served as a rendezvous for the gentlemen of our profession. It is true 
that several of them have been discovered and destroyed by the holy brother- 
hood : but there are some yet remaining ; and, by great good luck, I have 
tenanted this without paying any rent for it almost these fifteen years : Captain 
Rolando, at your service ! I am the leader of the band ; and the man you saw 
with me is one of my troopers. 

Ch. V. — The ariival of the banditti in the subterraneous retreat, with ait 
account of their pleasant conversation. 

Just as Captain Rolando had finished his speech six new faces made their 
appearance in the hall ; the lieutenant and five privates returning home with 
their booty. They were hauling in two great baskets full of sugar, cinnamon, 
pepper, figs, almonds, and raisins. The lieutenant gave an account of their 
proceedings to the captain, and told him they had taken these articles, as well 
as the sumpter-mule, from a grocer of Benavento. An official report having 
thus been made to the prime-minister, the grocer's contribution was carried to 



GIL BLAS. 



account ; and the next step was to regale after their labours. A large table 
was set out in the hall. They sent me back to the kitchen, where dame 
Leonarda told me what I had to do. I made the best of a bad bargain, 
finding the luck ran against me ; and, swallowing my grievances, set myself to 
wait on my noble masters. 

I cleaned my plate, set out my sideboard, and brought up my wine. As 
soon as I announced dinner to be on table, consisting of two good black pep- 
pery ragouts for the first course, this high and mighty company took their seats. 
They fell too most voraciously. My place was to wait ; and I handed about 
the glasses with so butler-like an air, as to be not a little complimented on my 
dexterity. The chief entertained them with a short sketch of my story, and 
praised my parts. But I had recovered from my mania by this time, and could 
listen to my own panegyric with the humility of an anchorite or the contempt of 
a philosopher. They all seemed to take a liking to me, and to think I had 
dropped from the clouds on purpose to be their cup-bearer. My predecessor 
was a fool to me. Since his death, the illustrious Leonarda had the honour of 
presenting nectar to these gods of the lower regions. But she was now degraded, 
and I had the felicity of being installed in her office. Thus, old Hebe being a 
little the worse for wear, young Ganymede tripped up her heels. 

A substantial joint of meat after the ragouts at length blunted the edge of 
their appetites. Eating and drinking went together : so that they soon got into 
a merry pin, and made a roaring noise. Well done, my lads ! All talkers and 
no listeners. One begins a long story, another cuts a joke ; here a fellow bawls, 
there a fellow sings ; and they all seem to be at cross purposes. At last Ro- 
lando, tired of a concert in which he could hardly hear the sound of his own 
voice, let them know that he was maestro di capella, and brought them into 
better tune. Gentlemen, said he, I have a question to put. Instead of stun- 
ning one another with this infernal din, had we not better enjoy a little rational 
conversation ? A thought is just come into my head. Since the happy day that 
united us we have never had the curiosity to inquire into each other's pedigrees, 
or by what chain of circumstances we were each of us led to embrace our pre- 
sent way of life. There would be no harm in knowing who and who are to- 
gether. Let us exchange confidence : we may find some amusement in it. The 
lieutenant and the rest, like true heroes of romance, accepted the challenge with 
the utmost courtesy, and the captain told the first story to the following 
effect : — 

Gentlemen, you are to know that I am the only son of a rich citizen in Ma- 
drid. The day of my birth was celebrated in the family by rejoicings without 
end. My father, no chicken, thought it a considerable feat to have got an heir, 
and my mother was kind enough to suckle me herself. My maternal grand- 
father was still living : a good old man, who did not trouble himself about 
other people's concerns, but said his prayers, and fought his campaigns over and 
over again ; for he had been in the army. Of course I was idolized by these 
three persons ; never out of their arms. My early years were passed in the 
most childish amusements, for fear of hurting my health by application. It will 
not do, said my father, to hammer much learning into children till time has 
ripened their understanding. While he waited for this ripening, the season 
went by. I could neither read nor write : but I made up for that in other ways. 
My father taught me a thousand different games. I became perfectly acquainted 
with cards, was no stranger to dice, and my grandfather set me the example of 
drawing the long bow, while he entertained me with his military exploits. He 
sung the same songs repeatedly one after another every day ; so that when, 
after saying ten or twelve lines after him for three months together, I got to 
boggle through them without missing, the whole family were in raptures at my 



THE CAPTAIN RELATES HIS HISTORY. 



memory. Neither was my wit thought to be at all less extraordinary ; for I 
was suffered to talk at random, and took care to put in my oar in the most imper- 
tinent mariner possible. O the pretty little dear ! exclaimed my father, as if he 
had been fascinated. My mother made it up with kisses, and my grandfather's 
old eyes overflowed. I played all sorts of dirty and indecent tricks before them 
with impunity ; everything was excusable in so fine a boy : an angel could 
not do wrong. Going on in this manner, I was already in my twelfth year 
without ever having a master. It was high time ; but then he was to teach me 
by fair means : he might threaten, but must not flog me. This arrangement 
did me but little good ; for sometimes I laughed when my tutor scolded : at 
others, I ran with tears in my eyes to my mother or my grandfather, and complain- 
ed that he had used me ill. The poor devil got nothing by denying it. My word 
was always taken before his, and he came off with the character of a cruel ras- 
cal. One day I scratched myself with my own nails, and set up a howl as if I 
had been flogged. My mother ran, and turned the master out of doors, though 
he vowed and protested he had never lifted a finger against me. 

Thus did I get rid of all my tutors, till at last I met with one to my mind. 
He was a bachelor of Alcala. This was the master for a young man of fashion. 
Women, wine, and gaming, were his principal amusements. It was impossible 
to be in better hands. He hit the right nail on the head : for he let me do what 
I pleased, and thus got into the good graces of the family, who abandoned me 
to his conduct. They had no reason to repent. He perfected me betimes 
in the knowledge of the world. By dint of taking me about to all his haunts, 
he gave such a finish to my education, that barring literature and science, I be- 
came an universal scholar. As soon as he saw that I could go alone in the high 
road to ruin he went to qualify others for the same journey. 

During my childhood I had lived at home just as I liked, and did not suffi- 
ciently consider, that now I was beginning to be responsible for my own actions. 
My father and mother were a standing jest. Yet they were themselves thrown 
into convulsions at my sallies ; and the more ridiculous they were made by them, 
the more waggish they thought me. In the mean time I got into all manner of 
scrapes with some young fellows of my own kidney ; and, as our relations kept 
us rather too short of cash for the exigencies of so loose a life, we each of us 
made free with whatever we could lay our hands on in our own families. Find- 
ing this would not raise the supplies, we began to pick pockets in the streets at 
night. As ill luck would have it, our exploits came to the knowledge of the 
police. A warrant was out against us ; but some good-natured friend, thinking 
it a pity we should be nipped in the bud, gave us a caution. We took to 
our heels, and rose in our vocation to the rank of highwaymen. From that 
time forth, gentlemen, with a blessing on my endeavours, I have gone on till I 
am almost the father of the profession, in spite of the dangers to which it is 
exposed. 

Here the captain ended, and it came to the turn of the lieutenant. Gentle- 
men, extremes are said to meet ; — and so it will appear from a comparison of 
our commander's education and mine. My father was a butcher at Toledo. 
He passed, with reason, for the greatest brute in the town, and my mother's 
sweet disposition was not mended by the example. In my childhood, they 
whipped me in emulation of one another ; I came in for a thousand lashes of a 
day ! The slightest fault was followed up by the severest punishment. In vain 
did I beg for mercy with tears in my eyes, and protest that I was sorry for what 
I had done. They never excused me, and nine times out of ten flogged me 
for nothing. When I was under my father's lash, my mother, not thinking his 
arm stout enough, lent her assistance, instead of begging me off. The favours 
I received at their hands gave me such a disgust, that I quitted their house be- 



GIL BLAS. 



fore I had completed my fourteenth year, took the Arragon road, and begged 
my way to Saragossa. There I associated with vagrants, who led a merry life 
enough. They taught me to counterfeit blindness and lameness, to dress up an 
artificial wound in each of my legs, and to adopt many other methods of im- 
posing on the credulity of the charitable and humane. In the morning, like 
actors at rehearsal, we cast our characters, and settled the business of the 
comedy. We had each our exits and our entrances ; till in the evening the 
curtain dropped, and we regaled at the expense of the dupes we had deluded in 
the day. Wearied, however, with the company of these wretches, and wishing 
to live in more worshipful society, I entered into partnership with a gang of 
sharpers. These fellows taught me some good tricks : but Saragossa soon be- 
came too hot to hold us, after we had fallen out with a limb of the law, who 
had hitherto taken us under his protection. We each of us provided for our- 
selves, and left the devil to take the hindmost. For my part, I enlisted in a 
brave and veteran regiment, which had seen abundance of sen-ice on the king's 
highway : and I found myself so comfortable in their quarters, that I had no 
desire to change my birth. So that you see, gentlemen, I was very much ob- 
liged to my relations for their bad hehaviour ; for if they had treated me a little 
more kindly, I might have been a blackguard butcher at this moment, instead 
of having the honour to be your lieutenant. 

Gentlemen, — interrupted a hopeful young freebooter who sat between the 
captain and the lieutenant, — the stories we have just heard are neither so com- 
plicated nor so curious as mine. I peeped into existence by means of a country- 
woman in the neighbourhood of Seville. Three weeks after she had set me 
down in this system, a nurse child was offered her. You are to understand she 
was yet in her prime, comely in her person, and had a good breast of milk. 
The young suckling had noble blood in him, and was an only son. My mother 
accepted the proposal with all her heart, and went to fetch the child. It was 
entrusted to her care. She had no sooner brought it home, than, fancying a 
resemblance, she conceived the idea of substituting me for the brat of high birth, 
in the hope of drawing a handsome commission at some future time for this 
motherly office in behalf of her infant. My father, whose morals were on a level 
with those of clodhoppers in general, lent himself very willingly to the cheat : 
so that with only a change of clouts the son of Don Rodrigo de Herrera was 
packed off in my name to another nurse, and my mother suckled her own and 
her master's child at once in my little person. 

They may say what they will of instinct and the force of blood ! The little 
gentleman's parents were very easily taken in. They had not the slightest 
suspicion of the trick ; and were eternally dandling me till I was seven years 
old. As it was their intention to make me a finished gentleman, they gave me 
masters of all kinds ; but I had very little taste for their lessons, and above all, 
I detested the sciences. I had at any time rather play with the servants or the 
stable boys, and was a complete kitchen genius. But tossing up for heads or tails 
was not my ruling passion. Before seventeen I had an itch for getting drank. 
I played the devil among the chamber-maids ; but my prime favourite was a 
kitchen girl, who had infinite merit in my eyes. She was a great bloated horse- 
god-mother, whose good case and easy morals suited me exactly. I boarded 
her with so little circumspection that Don Rodrigo took notice of it. He took 
me to task pretty sharply ; twitted me with my low taste ; and, for fear the 
presence of my charmer should counteract his sage counsels, showed the goddess 
of my devotions the outside of the door. 

This proceeding was rather offensive ; and I determined to be even with him. 
I stole his wife's jewels ; and ravishing my Helen from a laundress of her ac- 
quaintance, went off with her in open day, that the transaction might lose no- 



THE CAPTAIN ADDRESSES GIL BIAS. 13 

thing in point of notoriety. But this was not all. I carried her among her 
relations, where I married her according to the rites of the church, as much 
from the personal motive of mortifying Herrera, as from the patriotic enthu- 
siasm of encouraging our young nobility to mend the breed. Three months 
after marriage, I heard that Don Rodrigo had gone the way of all flesh. The 
intelligence was not lost upon me. I was at Seville in a twinkling, to adminis- 
ter in due form and order to his effects ; but the tables were turned. My mother 
had paid the debt of nature, and in her last agonies had been so much off her 
guard as to confess the whole affair to the curate of the village and other com- 
petent witnesses. Don Rodrigo's son had already taken my place, or rather 
his own, and his popularity was increased by the deficiency of" mine ; so that 
as the trumps were all out in that hand, and I had no particular wish for the 
present my wife was likely to make me, I joined issue with some desperate 
blades, with whom I began my trading ventures. 

The young cut-purse having finished his story, another told us that he was 
the son of a merchant at Burgos ; that, in his youth, prompted more by piety 
than wit, he had taken the religious habit and professed in a very strict order, 
and that a few yeajs afterwards he had apostatized. In short, the eight robbers 
told their tale one after another, and when I had heard them all, I did not 
wonder that the destinies had brought them together. The conversation now 
took a different turn. They brought several schemes upon the carpet for the 
next campaign ; and after having laid down their plan of operations, rose from 
table and went to bed. They lighted their night candles, and withdrew to 
their apartments. I attended Captain Rolando to his. While I was fiddling 
about him as he undressed : Well ! Gil Bias, said he, you see how we live ! 
We are always merry ; hatred and envy have no footing here ; we have not the 
least difference, but hang together just like monks. You are sure, my good 
lad, to lead a pleasant life here ; for I do not think you are fool enough to make 
any bones about consorting with gentlemen of the road. In what does ours 
differ from many a more reputable trade ? Depend on it, my friend, all men 
love two hands in their neighbour's purse, though only one in their own. Men's 
principles are all alike ; the only difference lies in the mode of carrying them 
into effect. Conquerors, for instance, make free with the territories of their 
neighbours. People of fashion borrow and do not pay. Bankers, treasurers, 
brokers, clerks, and traders of all kinds, wholesale and retail, give ample liberty 
to their wants to overdraw on their consciences. I shall not mention the hangers- 
on of the law ; we all know how it goes with them. At the same time it must 
be allowed that they have more humanity than we have ; for as it is often our 
vocation to take away the life of the innocent for plunder, it is sometimes theirs 
for fee and reward to save the guilty. 

Ch. VI. — The attempt of Gil Bias to escape, and its success. 

After the captain of the banditti had thus apologized for adopting such a line 
of life, he went to bed. For my part, I returned to the hall, where I cleared 
the table, and set everything to rights. Then I went to the kitchen, where 
Domingo, the old negro, and dame Leonarda had been expecting me at supper. 
Though entirely without appetite, I had the good manners to sit down with 
them. Not a morsel could I eat ; and, as I scarcely felt more miserable than 
I looked, this pair so justly formed to meet by nature^ undertook to give me a 
little comfort. Why do you take on so, my good lad ? said the old dowager : 
you ought rather to bless your stars for your good luck. You are young, and 
seem a little soft ; you would have a fine kettle of fish of it in the busy world. 
You might have fallen into-bad hands, and then your morals would have been 



14 GIL BLAS. 



corrupted ; whereas here your innocence is insured to its full value. Dame 
Leonarda is in the right, put in the old negro gravely, the world is but a trouble- 
some place. Be thankful, my friend, for being so early relieved from the dan- 
gers, the difficulties, and the afflictions of this miserable life. 

I bore this prosing very quietly, because I should have got no good by put- 
ting myself in a passion about it. At length Domingo, after playing a good 
knife and fork, and getting gloriously muddled, took himself off to the stable. 
Leonarda, by the glimmering of a lamp, showed me the way to a vault which 
served as a last home to those of the corps who died a natural death. Here I 
stumbled upon something more like a grave than a bed. This is your room, 
said she. Your predecessor lay here as long as he was among us, and here he 
lies to this day. He suffered himself to be hurried out of life in his prime : do 
not you be so foolish as to follow his example. With this kind advice, she left 
me with the lamp for my companion and returned to the kitchen. I threw 
myself on the little bed, not so much for rest as meditation. O heaven ! exclaimed 
I, was there ever a fate so dreadful as mine ? It is determined then I am to 
take my leave of daylight ! Beside this, as if it were not enough to be buried 
alive at eighteen, my misery is to be aggravated by being in the service of a 
banditti ; by passing the day with highwaymen, and the night in a charnel- 
house. These reflections, which seemed to me very dismal, and were indeed 
no better than they seemed, set me crying most bitterly. I could not conceive 
what cursed maggot my uncle had got in his head to send me to Salamanca ; 
repented running away from Cacabelos, and would have compounded for the 
torture. But, considering how vain it was to shut the door when the steed was 
stolen, I determined, instead of lamenting the past, to hit upon some expedient 
for making my escape. What ! thought I, is it impossible to get off? The 
cut-throats are asleep ; cooky and the black will be snoring ere long. Why 
cannot I, by the help of this lamp, find the passage by which I descended into 
these infernal regions ? I am afraid, indeed, my strength is not equal to lifting 
the trap at the entrance. However, Jet us see. Faint heart never won fair 
lady. Despair will lend me new force, and who knows but I may succeed ? 

Thus was the train laid for a grand attempt. I got up as soon as Leonarda 
and Domingo were likely to be asleep. With the lamp in my hand, I stole out 
of the vault, putting up my prayers to all the spirits in paradise, and ten miles 
round. It was with no small difficulty that I threaded all the windings of this 
new labyrinth. At length I found myself at the stable door, and perceived the 
passage which was the object of my search. Pushing on I made my way 
towards the trap with a light pair of heels and a beating heart : but, alas ! in 
the middle of my career I ran against a cursed iron grate locked fast, with bars 
so close as not to admit a hand between them. I looked rather foolish at the 
occurrence of this new difficulty, which I had not been aware of at my entrance, 
because the grate was then open. However, I tried what I could do by fumbling 
at the bars. Then for a peep at the lock ; or whether it could not be forced ! 
When all at once my poor shoulders were saluted with five or six good strokes 
of a bull's pizzle. I set up such a shrill alarum, that the den of Cacus rang with 
it ; when looking round, who should it be but the old negro in his shirt, hold- 
ing a dark lanthorn in one hand, and the instrument of my punishment in the 
other. Oh, ho ! quoth he, my merry little fellow, you will run away, will you ? 
No, no ! you must not think to set your wits against mine. I heard you all the 
while. You thought you should find the grate open, did not you ? You may 
take it for granted, my friend, that henceforth it will always be shut. When 
we keep any one here against his will, he must be a cleverer fellow than you to 
make his escape. 

In the mean time, at the howl I had set up two or three of the robbers 



GIL BLAS PLA YS THE HYPOCRITE. 



waked suddenly ; and not knowing but the holy brotherhood might be falling 
upon them, they got up and called their comrades. Without the loss of a mo- 
ment all were on the alert. Swords and carabines were put in requisition, and 
the whole posse advanced forward almost in a state of nature to the place 
where I was parleying with Domingo. But as soon as they learned the cause 
of the uproar, their alarm resolved itself into a peal of laughter. How now, 
Gil Bias, said the apostate son of the church, you have not been a good six 
hours with us, and are you tired of our company already ? You must have a 
great objection to retirement. Why, what would you do if you were a Carthu- 
sian friar ? Get along with you, and go to bed. This time you shall get off 
with Domingo's discipline ; but if you are ever caught in a second attempt of 
the same kind, by Saint Bartholomew ! we will flay you alive. With this 
hint he retired, and the rest of the party went back to their rooms. The old 
negro, taking credit to himself for his vigilance, returned to his stable ; and I 
found my way back to my charnel-house, where I passed the remainder of the 
night in weeping and wailing. 

Ch. VII. — Gil Bias, not being able to do what he likes, does what he can. 

For the first few days I thought I should have given up the ghost for very 
spite and vexation. The lingering life I led was nearly akin to death itself ; 
but in the end my good genius whispered me to play the hypocrite. I aimed 
at looking a little more cheerful ; began to laugh and sing, though it was some- 
times on the wrong side of my mouth ; in a word, I put so good a face on the 
matter, that Leonarda and Domingo were completely taken in. They thought 
the bird was reconciled to his cage. The robbers entertained the same notion. 
I looked as brisk as the beverage I poured out, and put in my oar whenever I 
thought I could say a good thing. My freedom, far from offending, was taken 
in good part. Gil Bias, quoth the captain one evening, while I was playing 
the buffoon, you have done well, my friend, to banish melancholy. I am de- 
lighted with your wit and humour. Some people wear a mask at first acquaint- 
ance ; I had no notion what a jovial fellow you were. 

My praises now seemed to run from mouth to mouth. They were all so 
partial to me, that, not to miss my opportunity ; — Gentlemen, quoth I, allow 
me to tell you a piece of my mind. Since I have been your guest, a new light 
breaks in upon me. I have bid adieu to vulgar prejudices, and caught a ray at 
the fountain of your illumination. I feel that I was born to be your knight 
companion. I languish to make one among you, and will stand my chance of 
a halter with the best. All the company cried Hear ! — I was considered as a 
promising member of the senate. It was then determined unanimously to give 
me a trial in some inferior department ; afterwards to bespeak me a good des- 
perate encounter in which I might show my prowess ; and if I answered ex- 
pectation to give me a high and responsible employment in the commonwealth. 

It was necessary therefore to go on exhibiting a copy of my countenance, and 
doing my best in my office of cup-bearer. I was impatient beyond measure ; 
for I only aspired after the honours of the sitting, to obtain the liberty of going 
abroad with the rest ; and I was in hopes that by running the risk of getting 
my neck into one noose I might get it out of another. This was my only 
chance. The time nevertheless seemed long to wait, and I kept my eye on 
Domingo, with the hope of outwitting him : but the thing was not feasible ; he 
was always on the watch. .Orpheus as leader of the band, with a complete or- 
chestra of performers as good as himself, could not have soothed the savage 
breast of this Cerberus. The truth is, by the by, that for fear of exciting his 
suspicion, I did not set my wits against him so much as I might have done. 



16 GIL BLAS. 



He was on the look-out, and I was obliged to play the prude, or my virtue 
might have come into disgrace. I therefore stopped proceedings till the time 
of my probation should expire, to which I looked forward with impatience, just 
as if I was waiting for a place under government. 

Heaven be praised, in about six months I gained my end. The commandant 
Rolando addressing his regiment, said : Comrades, we must stand upon honour 
with Gil Bias. I have no bad opininion of our young candidate ; we shall make 
something of him. If you will take my advice, let him go and reap his first 
harvest with us to-morrow on the king's highway. We will lead him on in the 
path of honour. The robbers applauded the sentiments of the captain with a 
thunder of acclamation ; and to show me how much I was considered as one of 
the gang, from that moment they dispensed with my attendance at the side- 
board. Dame Leonarda was reinstated in the office from which she had been 
discharged to make room for me. They made me change my dress, which 
consisted in a plain short cossack a good deal the worse for wear, and tricked 
me out in the spoils of a gentleman lately robbed. After this inauguration, I 
made my arrangements for my first campaign. 

Ch. VIII. — Gil Bias goes out with the gang, and performs an exploit on the 

highway. 

It was past midnight in the month of September, when I issued from the sub- 
terraneous abode as one of the fraternity. I was armed, like them, with a 
carabine, two pistols, a sword, and a bayonet, and was mounted on a very good 
horse, the property of the gentleman in whose costume I appeared. I had 
lived so long like a mole under-ground, that the daybreak could not fail of 
dazzling me : but my eyes got reconciled to it by degrees. 

We passed close by Pontferrada, and were determined to lie in ambush be- 
hind a small wood skirting the road to Leon. There we were waiting for 
whatever fortune might please to throw in our way, when we espied a Domini- 
can friar, mounted, contrary to the rubric of those pious fathers, on a shabby 
mule. God be praised, exclaimed the captain with a sneer, this is a noble be- 
ginning for Gil Bias. Let him go and trounce that monk : we will bear witness 
to his qualifications. The connoisseurs were all of opinion that this commission 
suited my talents to a hair, and exhorted me to do my best. Gentlemen, quoth 
I, you shall have no reason to complain. I will strip this holy father to his 
birth-day suit, and give you complete right and title to his mule. No, no, said 
Rolando, the beast would not be worth its fodder : only bring us our reverend 
pastor's purse ; that is all we require. Hereupon I issued from the wood and 
pushed up to the man of God, doing penance all the time in my own breast for 
the sin I was committing. I could have liked to have turned my back upon 
my fellows at that moment ; but most of them had the advantage of better 
horses than mine : had they seen me making off, they would have been at my 
heels, and would soon have caught me, or perhaps would have fired a volley, 
for which I was not sufficiently case-hardened. I could not therefore venture 
on so perilous an alternative ; so that claiming acquaintance with the reverend 
father, I asked to look at his purse, and just put out the end of a pistol. He 
stopped short to gaze upon me ; and, without seeming much frightened, said, 
My child, you are very young ; this is an early apprenticeship to a bad trade. 
Father, replied I, bad as it is, I wish I had begun it sooner. What ! my son, 
rejoined the good friar, who did not understand the real meaning of what I 
said, how say you ? What blindness ! give me leave to place before your eyes 
the unhappy condition. Come, come, father ! interrupted I, with impatience, 
a truce to your morality, if you please. My business on the high road is not to 



AN EXPLOIT ON THE HIGHWA Y. 



hear sermons. Money makes my mare to go. Money ! said he, with a look of 
surprise ; you have a poor opinion of Spanish charity, if you think that people 
of my stamp have any occasion for such trash upon their travels. Let me un- 
deceive you. We are made welcome wherever we go, and pay for our board 
and lodgings by our prayers. In short, we carry no cash with us on the road ; 
but draw drafts upon Providence. That is all very well, replied I ; yet for fear 
your drafts should be dishonoured, you take care to keep about you a little 
supply for present need. But come, father, let us make an end : my comrades 
in the wood are in a hurry ; so your money or your life. At these words, which 
I pronounced with a determined air, the friar began to think the business grew 
serious. Since needs must, said he, there is wherewithal to satisfy your craving. 
A word and a blow is the only rhetoric with you gentlemen. As he said this, 
he drew a large leathern purse from under his gown, and threw it on the 
ground. I then told him he might make the best of his way : and he did not 
wait for a second bidding, but stuck his heels into the mule, which, giving the 
lie to my opinion, for I thought it on a par with my uncle's, set off at a good 
round pace. While he was riding for his life, I dismounted. The purse was 
none of the lightest. I mounted again, and got back to the wood, where those 
nice observers were waiting with impatience to congratulate me on my success. 
I could hardly get my foot out of the stirrup, so eager were they to shake hands 
with me. Courage, Gil Bias, said Rolando ; you have done wonders. I have 
had my eyes on you during your whole performance, and have watched your 
countenance. I have no hesitation in predicting that you will become in time 
a very accomplished highwayman. The lieutenant and the rest chimed in with 
the prophecy, and assured me that I could not fail of fulfilling it hereafter. I 
thanked them for the elevated idea they had formed of my talents, and pro- 
mised to do all in my power not to discredit their penetration. 

After they had lavished praises, the effect rather of their candour than of my 
merit, they took it into their heads to examine the booty I had brought under 
my convoy. Let us see, said they, let us see how a friar's purse is lined. It 
should be fat and flourishing, continued one of them, for these good fathers do 
not mortify the flesh when they travel. The captain untied the purse, opened 
it, and took out two or three handfuls of little copper coins, an Agnus-Dei here 
and there, and some scapularies. At sight of so novel a prize, all the privates 
burst into an immoderate fit of laughter. God be praised ! cried the lieutenant, 
we are very much obliged to Gil Bias : his first attack has produced a supply, 
very seasonable to our fraternity. One joke brought on another. These rascals, 
especially the fellow who had retired from the church to our subterraneous her- 
mitage, began to make themselves merry on the subject. They said a thousand 
good things, such as showed at once the sharpness of their wits and the profli- 
gacy of their morals. They were all on the broad grin except myself. It was 
impossible to be butt and marksman too. They each of them shot their bolt 
at me, and the captain said : Faith, Gil Bias, I would advise you as a friend 
not to set your wit a second time against the church : the biter may be bit ; for 
you must live some time longer among us, before you are a match for them. 

Ch. IX. — A* more serious incident 

We lounged about the wood for the greater part of the day, without lighting 
on any traveller to pay toll for the friar. At length we were beginning to wear 
our homeward way, as if confining the feats of the day to this laughable ad- 
venture, which furnished a plentiful fund of conversation, when we got intelli- 
gence of a carriage on the road drawn by four mules. They were coming at a 
hard gallop, with three outriders, who seemed to be well armed. Rolando 



1 8 GIL BLAS. 



ordered the troop to halt, and hold a council, the result of whose deliberations 
was to attack the enemy. We were regularly drawn up in battle-array, and 
marched to meet the caravan. In spite of the applause I had gained in the 
wood, I felt an oozing sort of tremour come over me, with a chill in my veins 
and a chattering in my teeth that seemed to bode me no good. As it never 
rains but it pours, I was in the front of the battle, hemmed in between the cap- 
tain and the lieutenant, who had given me that post of honour, that I might 
lose no time in learning to stand fire. Rolando, observing the low ebb of my 
animal spirits, looked askew at me, and muttered in a tone more resolute than 
courtly : Hark ye ! Gil Bias, look sharp about you ! I give you fair notice, 
that if you play the recreant, I shall lodge a couple of bullets in your brain. I 
believed him as firmly as my catechism, and thought it high time not to neglect 
the hint ; so that I was obliged to lay an embargo on the expression of my fears, 
and to think only of recommending my soul to God in silence. 

While all this was going on, the carriage and horsemen drew near. They 
suspected what sort of gentry we were ; and guessing our trade by our badge, 
stopped within gun-shot. They had carabines and pistols as well as ourselves. 
While they were preparing to give us a brisk reception, there jumped out of the 
coach a well-looking gentleman richly dressed. He mounted a led horse, and 
put himself at the head of his party. Though they were but four against nine, 
for the coachman kept his seat on the box, they advanced towards us with a 
confidence calculated to redouble my terror. Yet I did not forget, though 
trembling in every joint, to hold myself in readiness for a shot : but, to give a 
candid relation of the affair, I blinked and looked the other way in letting off 
my piece ; so that from the harmlessness of my fire, I was sure not to have 
murder to answer for in another world. 

I shall not give the particulars of the engagement ; though present, I was no 
eye-witness ; and my fear, while it laid hold of my imagination, drew a veil 
over the anticipated horror of the sight. All I know about the matter is, that 
after a grand discharge of musquetry, I heard my companions hallooing Victor)'' ! 
Victory ! as if their lungs were made of leather. At this shout the terror which 
had made a forcible entry on my senses was ejected, and I beheld the four horse- 
men stretched lifeless on the field of battle. On our side, we had only one man 
killed. This was the renegade parson, who had now filled the measure of his 
apostasy, -and paid for jesting with scapularies and such sacred things. The 
lieutenant received a slight wound in the arm ; but the bullet did little more 
than graze the skin. 

Master Rolando was the first at the coach-door. Within was a lady of from 
four to five-and-twenty, beautiful as an angel in his eyes, in spite of her sad con- 
dition. She had fainted during the conflict, and her swoon still continued. 
While he was fixed like a statue on her charms, the rest of us were in profound 
meditation on the plunder. We began by securing the horses of the defunct ; 
for these animals, frightened at the report of our pieces, had got to a little dis- 
tance, after the loss of their riders. For the mules, they had not wagged a 
hair, though the coachman had jumped from his box during the engagement to 
make his escape. We dismounted for the purpose of unharnessing and loading 
them with some trunks tied before and behind the carriage. This settled, the 
captain ordered the lady, who had not yet recovered her faculties, to be set on 
horseback before the best mounted of the robbers ; then, leaving the carriage 
and the uncased carcases by the road-side, we carried off with us the lady, the 
mules, and the horses. 



THE ROBBERS' TREATMENT OF THE LADY. 19 

Qh. X. — The lady's treatjjient from the robbers. The event of the great design, 
conceived by Gil Bias. 

The night had another hour to run when we arrived at our subterraneous man- 
sion. The first thing we did was to lead our cavalry to the stable, where we 
were obliged to groom them ourselves, as the old negro had been confined to 
his bed for three days, with a violent fit of the gout, and an universal rheumatism. 
He had no member supple but his tongue ; and that he employed in testifying 
his indignation by the most horrible impieties. Leaving this wretch to curse 
and swear by himself, we went to the kitchen to look afte*r the lady. So suc- 
cessful were our attentions, that we succeeded in recovering her from her fit. 
But when she had once more the use of her senses, and saw herself encompassed 
by strangers, she knew the extent of her misfortune, and shuddered at the 
thought. All that grief and despair together could present, of images the most 
distressing, appeared depicted in her eyes, which she lifted up to heaven, as if 
in reproach for the indignities she was threatened with. Then, giving way at 
once to these dreadful apprehensions, she fell again into a swoon, her eyelids 
closed once more, and the robbers thought that death was going to snatch from 
them their prey. The captain, therefore, judging it more to the purpose to 
leave her to herself than to torment her with any more of their assistance, 
ordered her to be laid on Leonarda's bed, and at all events to let nature take 
its course. 

We went into the hall, where one of the robbers, who had been bred a sur- 
geon, looked at the lieutenant's arm and put a plaister to it. After this scientific 
operation, it was thought expedient to examine the baggage. Some of the 
trunks were filled with laces and linen, others with various articles of wearing 
apparel : but the last contained some bags of coin ; a circumstance highly ap- 
proved by the receivers-general of the estate. After this investigation, the cook 
set out the side-board, laid the cloth, and served up supper. Our conversation 
ran first on the great victory we had achieved. On this subject said Rolando, 
directing himself to me, Confess the truth, Gil Bias : you cannot deny that you 
were devilishly frightened. I candidly admitted the fact ; but promised to fight 
like a crusader after my second or third campaign. Hereupon all the company 
took my part, alleging the sharpness of the action in my excuse, and that it was 
very well for a novice, not yet accustomed to the smell of powder. 

We next talked of the mules and horses just added to our subterraneous stud. 
It was determined to set off the next morning before day -break, and sell them 
at Mansilla, before there was any chance of our expedition having got wind. 
This resolution taken, we finished our supper, and returned to the kitchen to 
pay our respects to the lady. We found her in the same condition. Neverthe- 
less, though the dregs of life seemed almost exhausted,, some of these poachers 
could not help casting a wicked leer at her, and giving visible signs of a motion 
within them, which would have broken out into overt act, had not Rolando put 
a spoke in their wheel by representing that they ought at least to wait till the 
lady had got rid of her terrors and squeamishness, and could come in for her 
share of the amusement. Their respect for the captain operated as a check to 
the incontinence of their passions. Nothing else could have saved the lady ; 
nor would death itself probably have secured her from violation. 

Again therefore did we leave this unhappy female to her melancholy fate. 
Rolando contented himself with charging Leonarda to take care of her, and we 
all separated for the night. For my part, when I went to bed, instead of 
courting sleep, my thoughts were wholly taken up with the lady's misfortunes. 
I had no doubt of her being a woman of quality, and thought her lot on that 
account so much the more piteous. I could not paint to myself, without shud- 

2 * 



GIL BLAS. 



dering, the horrors which awaited her ; and felt myself as sensibly affected by 
them, as if united to her by the ties of blood or friendship. At length, after 
having sufficiently bewailed her destiny, I mused on the means of preserving her 
honour from its present danger, and myself from a longer abode in this dungeon. 
I considered that the old negro could not stir, and recollected that since his 
illness the cook had the key of the grate. That thought warmed my fancy, and 
gave birth to a project not to be hazarded lightly : the stages of its execution 
were the following. 

I pretended to have the colic. A lad in the colic cannot help whining and 
groaning ; but I went further, and cried out lustily, as loud as my lungs would 
let me. This roused my gentle friends, and brought them about me to know 
what the deuce was the matter. I informed them that I had a swinging fit of 
the gripes, and to humour the idea, gnashed my teeth, made all manner of wry 
faces till I looked like a bedlamite, and twisted my limbs as if I had been going 
to be delivered of a heathen oracle. Then I became calm all at once, as if my 
pains had abated. The next minute I flounced up and down upon my bed, and 
threw my arms about at random. In a word, I played my part so well that 
these more experienced performers, knowing as they were, suffered themselves 
to be thrown off their guard, and to believe that my malady was real. All at 
once did they busy themselves for my relief. One brought me a bottle of 
brandy, and forced me to gulp down half of it ; another, in spite of my remon- 
strances, applied oil of sweet almonds in a very offensive manner : a third went 
and made a napkin burning hot, to be clapped upon my stomach. In vain did I 
cry mercy ; they attributed my noise to the violence of my disorder, and went 
on inflicting positive evil by way of remedy for that which was artificial. At 
last, able to bear it no longer, I was obliged to swear that I was better, and 
entreat them to give me quarter. They left off killing me with kindness, and 
I took care not to complain any more, for fear of experiencing their tender 
attentions a second time. 

This scene lasted nearly three hours. After which the robbers, calculating it 
to be near day -break, prepared for their journey to Mansilla. I was for get- 
ting up, as if I had set my heart on being of the party ; but that they would not 
allow. No, no, Gil Bias, said Signor Rolando, stay here, my lad ; your colic 
may return. You shall go with us another time ; to-day you are not in travel- 
ling condition. I did not think it prudent to urge my attendance too much, for 
fear of being taken at my word ; but only affected great disappointment with so 
natural an air, that they all went off without the slightest misgiving of my design. 
After their departure, for which I had prayed most fervently, I said to myself : 
Xow is your time, Gil Bias, to be firm and resolved. Arm yourself with courage 
to go through with an enterprise so propitiously begun. Domingo is tied by the 
leg, and Leonarda may show her teeth, but she cannot bite. Pounce down 
upon opportunity while it offers ; you may wait long enough for another. Thus 
did I spirit myself up in soliloquy. Having got out of bed, I laid hold of my 
sword and pistols ; and away I went to the kitchen. But before I made my 
appearance I stopped to hear what Leonarda was talking about to the fair 
incognita, who was come to her senses, and, on a view of her misfortune in its 
extremity, took on most desperately. That is right, my girl, said the old hag, 
cry your eyes out, sob away plentifully, you know the good effect of woman's 
tears. The sudden shock was too much for you ; but the danger is over now 
the engines can play. Your grief will abate by little and little, and you will 
get reconciled to living with our gentlemen, who are very good sort of people. 
You will be better off than a princess. You do not know how fond they will 
be of you. Not a day will pass without your being obliged to some of them. 
Many a woman would give one of her eyes to be in your place. 



GIL BLAS ESCAPES WITH THE LAD Y. 21 

I did not allow Leonarda time to go on any longer with this babbling. In I 
went, and putting a pistol to her breast, insisted with a menacing air on her 
delivering up the key of the grate. She did not know what to make of my 
behaviour ; and, though almost in the last stage of life, had such a propensity to 
linger on the road as not to venture on a refusal. With the key in my hand 
I directed the following speech to the distressed object of my compassion : 
Madam, Heaven sends you a deliverer in me ; follow, and I will see you safe 
whithersoever you wish to be conducted. The lady was not deaf to my pro- 
posal, which made such an impression on her grateful heart that she jumped up 
with all the strength she had left, threw herself at my feet, and conjured me to 
save her honour. I raised her from the ground, and assured her she might 
rely on me. I then took some ropes which were opportunely in the kitchen, 
and with her assistance tied Leonarda to the legs of a large table, protesting 
that I would kill her if she only breathed a murmur. After that, lighting a 
candle, I went with the incognita to the treasury, where I filled my pockets with 
pistoles, single and double, as full as they could hold. To encourage the lady 
not to be scrupulous, I begged she would think herself at home, and make free 
wfth her own. With our finances thus recruited, we went towards the stable, 
where I marched in with my pistols cocked. I was of opinion that the old 
blackamoor, for all his gout and rheumatism, would not let me saddle and bri- 
dle my horse peaceably, and my resolution was to put a finishing hand to all his 
ailments if he took it into his head to play the churl : but, by good luck, he was 
at that moment in such pain that I stole the steed without his perceiving that 
the door was open. The lady in the mean time was waiting for me. We were 
not long in threading the passage leading to the outlet ; but reached the grate, 
opened it, and at last got to the trap. Much ado there was to lift it, which we could 
not have done, but for the new strength we bor rowed from the ho pes of our escape. 

Day was beginning to dawn when we emerged from that abyss. Our first 
object was to get as far from it as possible. I jumped into the saddle : 
the lady got up behind me, and taking the first path that offered, we soon gal- 
loped out of the forest. Coming to some cross-roads we took our chance. I 
trembled for fear of its leading to Mansilla, and our encountering Rolando and 
his comrades. Luckily my apprehensions were unfounded. We got to Astorga 
by two o'clock in the afternoon. The people looked at us as if they had never 
seen such a sight before as a woman riding behind a man. We alighted at the 
first inn. I immediately ordered a partridge and a young rabbit to the spit. 
While my orders were in a train of execution, the lady was shown to a room, 
where we began to scrape acquaintance with one another ; which we had not 
done on the road, on account of the speed we made. She expressed a high 
sense of my services, and told me that after so gentlemanly a conduct, she could 
not allow herself to think me one of the gang from whom I had rescued her. 
I told her my story to confirm her good opinion. By these means I entitled 
myself to her confidence, and to the knowledge of her misfortunes, which she 
recounted to the following effect. 

Ch. XI. — The history of Donna Mencia de Mosquera. 

I WAS born at Valladolid, and am called Donna Mencia de Mosquera. My 
father, Don Martin, after spending most of his family estate in the service, was 
killed in Portugal at the head of his regiment. He left me so little property, 
that I was a bad match, though an only daughter. I was not, however, without 
my admirers, notwithstanding the mediocrity of my fortune. Several of the 
most considerable cavaliers in Spain sought me in marriage. My favourite was 
Don Ah'ar de Mello. It is true he had a prettier person than his rivals ; but 



GIL BLAS. 



more solid qualities determined me in his favour. He had wit, discretion, valour, 
probity ; and in addition to all these, an air of fashion. Was an entertainment 
to be given ? His taste was sure to be displayed. If he appeared in the lists, 
he always fixed the eyes of the beholders on his strength and dexterity. I 
singled him out from among all the rest, and married him. 

A few days after our nuptials, he met Don Andrew de Baesa, who had been 
his rival, in a private place. They attacked one another sword in hand, and 
Don Andrew fell. As he was nephew to the corregidor of Valladolid, a tur- 
bulent man, violently incensed against the house of Mello, Don Alvar thought 
he could not soon enough make his escape. He returned home speedily, and 
told me what had happened while his horse was getting ready. My dear 
Mencia, said he at length, we must part. You know the corregidor : let us 
not flatter ourselves ; he will hunt me even to death. You are unacquainted 
with his influence ; this empire will be too hot to hold me. He was so pene- 
trated by his own grief and mine as not to be able to articulate further. I made 
him take some cash and jewels : then he folded me in his arms, and we did 
nothing but mingle our sighs and tears for a quarter of an hour. In a short 
time the horse was at the door. He tore himself from me, and left me in a con- 
dition not easily to be expressed. It had been well if the excess of my affliction 
had destroyed me ! How much pain and trouble might I have escaped by death ! 
Some hours after Don Alvar was gone, the corregidor became acquainted with 
his flight. He set up a hue and cry after him, sparing no pains to get him into 
his power. My husband, however, eluded his pursuit, and got into safe quarters ; 
so that the judge, finding himself reduced to confine his vengeance to the poor 
satisfaction of confiscating, where he meant to execute, laboured to good pur- 
pose in his vocation. Don Alvar's little property all went to the hammer. 

I remained in a very comfortless situation, with scarcely the means of sub- 
sistence. A retired life was best suited to my circumstances, with a single female 
servant. I passed my hours in lamenting, not an indigence, which I bore pa- 
tiently, but the absence of a beloved husband, of whom I received no accounts. 
He had indeed pledged himself, in the melancholy moments of our parting, to 
be punctual in acquainting me with his destiny, to whatever part of the world 
his evil star might conduct him. And yet seven years rolled on without my 
hearing of him. My suspense respecting his fate afflicted me most deeply. At 
last I heard of his falling in battle, under the Portuguese banner, in the king- 
dom of Fez. A man newly returned from Africa brought me the account, with 
the assurance that he had been well acquainted with Don Alvar de Mello ; had 
served with him in the army, and had seen him drop in the action. To this 
narrative of facts he added several collateral circumstances, which left me no 
room to doubt of my husband's premature death. 

About this time Don Ambrosio Mesia Carillo, Marquis de la Guardia, ar- 
rived at Valladolid. He was one of those elderly noblemen who, with that 
good breeding acquired by long experience in courts, throw their years into the 
background, and retain the faculty of making themselves agreeable to our sex. 
One day he happened by accident to hear the story of Don Alvar ; and, from 
the part I bore in it and the description of my person, there arose a desire of 
being better acquainted. To satisfy his curiosity, he made interest with one of 
my relations to invite me to her house. The gentleman was one of the party. 
This first interview made not the less impression on his heart for the traces of 
sorrow which were too obvious on my countenance. He was touched by its 
melancholy and languishing expression, which gave him a favourable forecast 
of my constancy. Respect, rather than any warmer sentiment, might perhaps 
be the inspirer of his wishes. For he told me more than once what a miracle 
of good faith he considered me, and my husband's fate as enviable in this -respect, 



THE LADY'S HISTORY. 23 

however lamentable in others. In a word, he was struck with me at first sight, 
and did not wait for a review of my pretensions, but at once took the resolution 
of making me his wife. 

The intervention of my kinswoman was adopted as the means of inducing me 
to accept his proposal. She paid me a visit ; and in the course of conversation, 
pleaded, that as my husband had submitted to the decree of Providence in the 
kingdom of Fez, according to very credible accounts, it was no longer rational 
to coop up my charms. I had shed tears enough over a man to whom I had 
been united but for a few moments as it were, and I ought to avail myself of 
the present offer, and had nothing to do but to step into happiness at once. In 
furtherance of these arguments, she set forth the old marquis's pedigree, his 
wealth, and high character : but in vain did her eloquence expatiate on his en- 
dowments, for I was not to be moved. Not that my mind misgave me respect- 
ing Don Alvar's death ; nor that the apprehension of his sudden and unwelcome 
appearance hereafter, checked my inclinations. My little liking, or rather my 
extreme repugnance, to a second marriage, after the sad issue of the first, was the 
sole obstacle opposed to my relation's urgency. Neither was she disheartened : 
on the contrary, her zeal for Don Ambrosio resorted to endless stratagems. All 
my family were pressed into the old lord's service. So beneficial a match was 
not to be trifled with ! They were eternally besetting, dunning, and torment- 
ing me. In fact, my despondency, which increased from day to day, contributed 
not a little to my yielding. 

As there was no getting rid of him, I gave way to their eager suit, and was 
wedded to the Marquis de la Guardia. The day after the nuptials, we went to 
a very fine castle of his near Burgos, between Grajal and Rodillas. He con- 
ceived a violent love for me : the desire of pleasing was visible in all his actions : 
the anticipation of my slenderest wishes was his earliest and his latest study. 
No husband ever regarded his wife more tenderly, no lover could pour forth 
more devotion to his mistress. Nor would it have been possible for me to steel 
my heart against a return of passion, though our ages were so disproportioned, ... 
had not every soft sentiment been buried in Don Alvar's grave. But the avenues 
of a constant heart are barred against a second inmate. The memory of my first 
husband threw a damp on all the kind efforts of the second. Mere gratitude 
was a cold retribution for such tenderness ; but it was all I had to give. 

Such was my temper of mind, when, taking the air one day at a window in 
my apartment, I perceived a peasant-looking man in the garden, viewing me 
with fixed attention. He appeared to be a common labourer. The circumstance 
soon passed out of my thoughts ; but the next day, having again taken my sta- 
tion at the window, I saw him on the self-same spot, and again found myself 
the object of his eager gaze. This seemed strange ! I looked at him in my 
turn ; and, after an attentive scrutiny, thought I could trace the features of the 
unhappy Don Alvar. This seeming visit from the tombs roused all the dormant 
agony of my soul, and extorted from me a piercing scream. Happily, I was 
then alone with Ines, who of all my women engaged the largest share of my 
confidence. I told her what surmise had so agitated my spirits. She only 
laughed at the idea, and took it for granted that a slight resemblance had imposed 
on my fancy. Take courage, madam, said she, and do not be afraid of seeing 
your first husband. What likelihood is there of his being here in the disguise 
of a peasant ? Is it even within the reach of credibility that he is yet alive ? 
However, I will go down into the garden, and talk with this rustic. I will 
answer for finding out who he is, and will return in all possible haste with my 
intelligence. Ines ran on her errand like a lapwing ; but soon returned to my 
apartment with a face of mingled astonishment and emotion. Madam, ex- 
claimed she, your conjecture is but too well grounded ; it is indeed Don Alvar 



24 GIL BLAS. 



whom you have seen ; he made himself known at once, and pleads for a private 
interview. 

As I had the means of admitting Don Alvar instantaneously, by the absence 
of the Marquis at Burgos, I commissioned my waiting-maid to introduce him 
into my closet by a private staircase. Well may you imagine the hurry and 
agitation of my spirits. How could I support the presence of a man, who was 
entitled to overwhelm me with reproaches ? I fainted at his very foot-fail as he 
entered. They were about me in a moment — he as well as Ines ; and when 
they had recovered me from my swoon, Don Alvar said — Madam, for heaven's 
sake, compose yourself. My presence shall never be the cause of pain to you ; 
nor would I for the world expose you to the slightest anxiety. I am no savage 
husband, come to account with you for a sacred pledge ; nor do I impute to 
criminal motives the second contract you have formed. I am well aware that 
it was owing to the importunity of your friends ; your persecutions from that 
quarter are not unknown to me. Besides, the report of my death was current 
in Valladolid ; and you had so much the more reason to give it credit, as no 
letter from me gave you any assurance to the contrary. In short, I am no 
stranger to your habits of life since our cruel separation ; and know that ne- 
cessity, not lightness of heart, has thrown you into the arms Ah! sir, inter- 
rupted I with sobs, why will you make excuses for your unworthy wife ? She 
is guilty, since you survive. Why am I not still in the forlorn state in which 
I languished before my marriage with Don Ambrosio ? Fatal nuptials ! — alas ! 
but for these, I should at least have had the consolation in my wretchedness of 
seeing the object of my first vows again without a blush. 

My dear Mencia, replied Don Alvar, with a look which marked how deeply 
he was penetrated by my contrition, I make no complaint of you ; and far from 
upbraiding you with your present prosperity, as heaven is my witness, I return 
it thanks for the favours it has showered on you. Since the sad day of my 
departure from Valladolid, my own fate has ever been adverse. My life has 
been but a tissue of misfortune ; and, as a surcharge of evil destiny, I had no 
means of letting you hear from me. Too secure in your affection, I could 
neither think nor dream but of the condition to which my fatal love might have 
reduced you. Donna Mencia in tears was the lovely, but killing spectre that 
haunted me ; of all my miseries, your dear idea was the most acute. Some- 
times, I own, I felt remorse for the transporting crime of having pleased you. 
I wished you had lent an ear to the suit of some happier rival, since the prefer- 
ence with which you had honoured me was to fall so cruelly on your own head. 
To cut short my melancholy tale — after seven years of suffering, more enamoured 
than ever, I determined to see you once again. The impulse was not to be 
resisted ; and the expiration of a long slavery having furnished me with the 
power of giving way to it, I have been at Valladolid under this disguise at the 
hazard of a discovery. There, I learned the whole story. I then came to this 
castle, and found the means of admission into the gardener's service, who has 
engaged me as a labourer. Such was my stratagem to obtain this private inter- 
view. But do not suppose me capable of blasting, by my continuance here, 
the happiness of your future days. I love you better than my own life ; I have 
no consideration but for your repose ; and it is my purpose, after thus unbur- 
dening my heart, to finish in exile the sacrifice of an existence which has lost 
its value since no longer to be devoted to your service. 

No, Don Alvar, no, exclaimed I at these words ; you shall never quit me a 
second time. I will be the companion of your wanderings ; and death only 
shall divide us from this hour. Take my advice, replied he, live with Don 
Ambrosio ; unite not yourself with my miseries, but leave me to stand under 
their undivided weight. These and other such entreaties he used ; but the 



A DISAGREEABLE INTERRUPTION. 25 

more willing he seemed to sacrifice himself to my welfare, the less did I feel 
disposed to take advantage of his generosity. When he saw me resolute in my 
determination to follow him, he all at once changed his tone ; and assuming an 
aspect of more satisfaction, Madam, said he, since you still love Don Alvar 
well enough to prefer adversity with him before your present ease and afflu- 
ence, let us then take up our abode at Betancos, in the interior of Galicia. 
There I have a safe retreat. Though my misfortunes may have stripped me of 
all my effects, they have not alienated all my friends ; some are yet faithful, 
and have furnished me with the means of carrying you off. With their help I 
have hired a carriage at Zamora ; have bought mules and horses, and am 
accompanied by perhaps the three boldest of the Galicians. They are armed 
with carabines and pistols, waiting my orders at the village of Rodillas. Let 
us avail ourselves of Don Ambrosio's absence. I will send the carriage to the 
castle gate, and we will set out without loss of time. I consented. Don Alvar 
flew towards Rodillas, and shortly returned with his escort. My women, from 
the midst of whom I was carried off, not knowing what to think of this violent 
proceeding, made their escape in great terror. Ines only was in the secret ; 
but she would not link her fate with mine, on account of a love affair with Don 
Ambrosio's favourite man. 

I got into the carriage, therefore, with Don Alvar, taking nothing with me 
but my clothes and some jewels of my own before my second marriage ; for I 
could not think of appropriating any presents of the Marquis. We travelled in 
the direction of Galicia, without knowing if we should be lucky enough to 
reach it. We had reason to fear Don Ambrosio's pursuit on his return, and 
that we should be overtaken by superior numbers. We went forward for two 
days without any alarm, and in the hope of being equally fortunate the third, 
had got into a very quiet conversation. Don Alvar was relating the melan- 
choly adventure which had occasioned the rumour of his death, and how he 
recovered his freedom, after five years of slavery, when yesterday we met upon 
the Leon road the banditti you were with. He it was whom they killed with 
all his attendants, and it is for him the tears flow, which you see me shedding 
at this moment. 

Ch. XII. — A disagreeable interruption. 

Donna Mencia melted into tears as she finished this recital. I allowed her 
to give a free passage to her sighs ; I even wept myself for company, so natural 
is it to be interested for the afflicted, and especially for a lovely female in 
distress. I was just going to ask her what she meant to do in the present con- 
juncture, and possibly she was going to consult me on the same subject if our 
conversation had not been interrupted ; but we heard a great noise in the inn, 
which drew our attention whether we would or no. It was no less than the 
arrival of the corregidor, attended by two alguazils and their marshalmen. 
They came into the room where we were. A young gentleman in their train 
came first up to me, and began taking to pieces the different articles of my 
dress. He had no occasion to examine them long. By Saint James, exclaimed 
he, this is my identical doublet ! It is the very thing, and as safely to be chal- 
lenged as my horse. You may commit this spark on my recognizance ; he is 
one of che gang who have an undiscovered retreat in this country. 

At this discourse, which gave me to understand my accuser to be the gentle- 
man robbed, whose spoils to my confusion were exclusively my own, I was 
without a word to say for myself, looking one way and the other, and not 
knowing where to fix my eyes. The corregidor, whose office was suspicion, 
set me down for the culprit ; and, presuming on the lady for an accomplice, 



26 GIL BLAS. 



ordered us into separate custody. This magistrate was none of your stern gal- 
lows-preaching fellows, he had a jocular epigrammatic sort of countenance. 
God knows if his heart lay in the right place for all that ! As soon as I was 
committed, in came he with his pack. They knew their trade, and began by 
searching me. What a forfeit to these lords of the manor ! At every handful of 
pistoles, what little eyes did I see them make ! The corregidor was absolutely 
out of his wits ! It was the best stroke within the memory of justice ! My 
pretty lad, said his Worship with a softened tone, we only do our duty, but do 
not you tremble for your bones before the time : you will not be broken on 
the wheel if you do not deserve it. These blood-suckers were emptying my 
pockets all the time with their cursed palaver, and took from me what their 
betters of the shades below had the decency to leave — my uncle's forty ducats. 
They stuck at nothing ! Their staunch fingers, with slow but certain scent, 
routed me out from top to toe ; they whisked me round and round, and stripped 
me even to the shame of modesty, for fear some sneaking portrait of the king 
should slink between my shirt and skin. When they could sift me no further, 
the corregidor thought it time to begin his examination. I told a plain tale. 
My deposition was taken down ; and the sequel was, that he carried in his 
train his bloodhounds, and my little property, leaving me to toss without a rag 
upon a beggarly wisp of straw. 

Oh the miseries of human life ! groaned I, when I found myself in this mer- 
ciless and solitary condition. Our adventures here are whimsical, and out of 
all time and tune. From my first outset from Oviedo, I had got into a pleas- 
ant round of difficulties ; hardly had I worked myself out of one danger, 
before I soused into another. Coming into town here, how could I expect the 
honour of the corregidor's acquaintance? While thus communing with my 
own thoughts, I got once more into the cursed doublet and the rest of the 
paraphernalia which had got me into such a scrape ; then plucking up a little 
courage, never mind, Gil Bias, thought I, do not be chicken-hearted. What 
is a prison above-ground, after so brimstone a snuffle as thou hast had of the 
regions below? But, alas! I hallo before I am out of the wood ! I am in 
more experienced hands than those of Leonarda and Domingo. • My key will 
not open this grate ! I might well say so, for a prisoner without money is like 
a bird with its wings dipt ; one must be in full feather to flutter out of distance 
from these gaol-birds. 

But we left a partridge and a young rabbit on the spit ! How they got off I 
know not ; but my supper was a bit of sallow-complexioned bread, with a 
pitcher of water to render it amenable to mastication ! and thus was I destined 
to bite the bridle in my dungeon. A fortnight was pretty well without seeing 
a soul but my keeper, who had orders that I should want for nothing in the 
bread and water way ! Whenever he made his appearance I was inclined to be 
sociable, and to parley a little to get rid of the blue devils ; but this majestic 
minister was above reply, he was mum ! he scarcely trusted his eyes but to see 
that I did not slip by him. On the sixteenth day, the corregidor strutted in to 
this tune — You are a lucky fellow ! I have news for you. The lady is packed 
off for Burgos. She came under my examination before her departure, and her 
answers went to your exculpation. You will be at large this very day if your 
carrier from Pegnaflor to Cacabelos agrees in the same tale. He is now in 
Astorga. I have sent for him, and expect him here ; if he confirms the story 
of the torture, you are your own master. 

At these words I was ready to jump out of my skin for joy. The business 
was settled ! I thanked the magistrate for the abridgment of justice with which 
he had deigned to favour me, and was getting to the fag end of my compliment, 
when the muleteer arrived, with an attendant before and behind. I knew 



GIL BLAS RELEASED FROM PRISON. 27 

the fellow's face ; but he, having as a matter of course sold my cloak -bag with the 
contents, from a deep-rooted affection to the money which the sale had brought, 
swore lustily that he had no acquaintance with me, and had never seen me in 
the whole course of his life. Oh ! you villain, exclaimed I, go down on your 
knees and own that you have sold my clothes. Prythee, have some regard to 
truth ! Look in my face ; am not I one of those shallow young fellows whom 
you had the wit to threaten with the rack in the corporate town of Cacabelos ? 
The muleteer turned upon his toe, and protested he had not the honour of 
my acquaintance. As he persisted in his disavowal, I was recommitted for 
further examination. Patience once more ! It was only reducing feasts and 
fasts to the level of bread and water, and regaling the only sense I had the 
means of using with the sight of my tongue-tied warden. But when I reflected 
how little innocence would avail to extricate me from the clutches of the law, 
the thought was death ; I panted for my subterraneous paradise. Take it for 
all in all, said I, there were fewer grievances than in this dungeon. I was hail 
fellow well met with the banditti ! I bandied about my jokes with the best of 
them, and lived on the sweet hope of an escape ; whereas my innocence here 
will only be a passport to the galleys. 

Ch. XIII. — The lucky means by which Gil Bias escaped from prison, and 
his travels afterwards. 

While I passed the hours in tickling my fancy with my own gay thoughts, my 
adventures, word for word, as I had set my hand to them, were current about 
the town. The people wanted to make a show of me ! One after another, 
there they came, peeping in at a little window of my prison, not too capacious 
of daylight ; and when they had looked about them, off they went ! This raree- 
show was a novelty. Since my commitment, there had not been a living 
creature at that window, which looked into a court where silence and horror 
kept guard. This gave me to understand that I was become the town-talk, 
and I knew not whether to divine good or evil from the omen. 

One of my first visitors was the little chorister of Mondognedo, who had a 
fellow-feeling with me for the rack, and an equally light pair of heels. I knew 
him at once, and he had no qualms about acknowledging me as an acquaint- 
ance. We exchanged a kind greeting, then compared notes since our separa- 
tion. I was obliged to relate my adventures in due form and order. The 
chorister, on his part, told me what had happened in the inn at Cacabelos, 
between the muleteer and the bride, after we had taken to our heels in a panic. 
Then with a friendly assurance at parting, he promised to leave no stone un- 
turned for my release. His companions of mere curiosity testified their pity 
for my misfortune ; assuring me that they would lend a helping hand to the little 
chorister, and do their utmost to procure my freedom. 

They were no worse than their word. The corregidor was applied to in my 
favour, who, no longer doubtful of my innocence, above all when he had heard 
the chorister's story, came three weeks afterwards into my cell. Gil Bias, said 
he, I never stand shilly-shally : begone, you are free ; you may take yourself off 
whenever you please. But, tell me, if you were carried to the forest, could you 
not discover the subterraneous retreat ? No, sir, replied I : as I only entered in 
the night, and made my escape before day-break, it would be impossible to fix 
upon the spot. Thereupon the magistrate withdrew, assuring me that the 
gaoler should be ordered to give me free egress. In fact, the very next moment 
the turnkey came into my dungeon, followed by one of his outriding establish- 
ment, with a bundle of clothes under his arm. They both of them stripped me 
with the utmost solemnity, and without uttering a single syllable, of my doublet 



28 GIL BLAS. 



and breeches, which had the honour to be made of a bettermost cloth almost 
new ; then, having rigged me in an old frock, they shoved me out of their 
hospitable mansion by the shoulders. 

The taking I was in to see myself so ill equipped, acted as a cooler to the 
usual transport of prisoners at recovering their liberty. I was tempted to escape 
from the town without delay, that I might withdraw from the gaze of the peo- 
ple, whose prying eyes I could not encounter but with pain. My gratitude, 
however, got the better of my diffidence. I went to thank the little chorister, 
to whom I was so much obliged. He could not help chuckling when he saw 
me. That is your trim, is it ? said he. As far as I see, you cannot complain 
that your case has not been sifted to the bottom. I have nothing to say against 
the laws of my country, replied I ; they are as just as need be. I only wish 
their officers would take after them ! They might have spared me my suit of 
clothes : I have paid for them over and over again. I am quite of your mind, 
rejoined he ; but they would tell you that these are little formalities of old 
standing, which cannot be dispensed with. What ! you are foolish enough to 
suppose, for instance, that your horse has been restored to its right owner? 
Not a word of it, if you please : the beast is at this present in the stables of the 
register, where it has been impounded as a witness to be brought into court : 
if the poor gentleman comes off with the crupper, he will be so much in pocket. 
But let us change the subject. What is your plan ? What do you mean to do 
with yourself? I have an inclination, said I, to take the road for Burgos. I 
may light on my rescued lady ; she will give me a little ready cash : I shall 
then buy a new short cassock, and betake myself to Salamanca, where I shall 
see what I can make of my Latin. All my trouble is, how to get to Burgos : 
one must live on the road. I understand you, replied he. Take my purse : it 
is rather thinly lined, to be sure ; but you know a chorister's dividends are not 
like a bishop's. At the same time he drew it from his pouch, and inserted it 
between my hands with so good a grace, that I could not do otherwise than 
accept it, for want of a better. I thanked him as though he had made me a 
present of a gold mine, and tendered him a thousand promises of recom- 
pense, to be duly honoured and punctually paid at doom's-day. With this I 
left him, and skulked out of the town, not paying my respects to my other 
benefactors ; but giving them a thousand blessings from my heart. 

The little chorister had reason for speaking modestly of his purse, it was not 
orthodox. By good luck, I had been used for these two months to a very 
slender diet, and had still a little small change left when I reached Ponte de 
Mula, not far from Burgos. I halted there to inquire after Donna Mencia. 
The hostess of the inn I put up at was a little withered, spiteful, emaciated bit 
of mortality. I saw at a glance, by the mouths she made at me aside, that my 
frock did not hit her fancy ; and I thought it a proof of her taste. So I sat 
myself down at a table ; ate bread and cheese, and drank a few glasses of exe- 
crable wine, such as innkeepers technically call cassecoquin. During this 
meal, which was of a piece with the outward appearance of the guest, I did my 
utmost to come to closer quarters with my landlady. Did she know the Mar- 
quis de la Guardia ? Was his castle far out of town ? Above all, what was 
become of my lady marchioness ? You ask many questions in a breath, re- 
plied she, bridling with disdain. But I got out of her, though by hard pump- 
ing, that Don Ambrosio's castle was but a short league from Ponte de Mula. 

After I had done eating and drinking, as it was night, I thought it natural to 
go to bed, and asked for my room. A room for you ! shrieked my landlady, 
darting at me a glance of contempt and pride ; I have no rooms for fellows who 
make their supper on a bit of cheese. All my beds are bespoke. There are 
people of fashion expected, and our accommodations are all kept for them. 



DONNA MENCIAS RECEPTION OF HIM. 29 

But I will not be unchristian : yon may lie in my barn : I suppose your soft 
skin will not be incommoded by the feel of straw. She spoke truth without 
knowing it. I took it all in silence, and slunk to my roosting-place, where I 
fell asleep like a man, the excess of whose labours are his ready passport to the 
blessings of repose. 

Ch. XIV. — Donna Mencids reception of him at Burgos. 

I WAS no sluggard, but got up the next morning betimes. I paid my bill to 
the landlady, who was already stirring, and seemed a little less lofty and in 
better humour than the evening before ; a circumstance I attributed to the en- 
deavours of three kind guardsmen belonging to the holy brotherhood. These 
gentlemen had slept in the inn : they were evidently on a very intimate footing 
with the hostess : and doubtless it was for guests of such note that all the beds 
were bespoke. 

I inquired in the town my way to the castle where I wanted to present my- 
self. By accident I made up to a man not unlike my landlord at Pegnaflor. 
He was not satisfied with answering my question to the point ; but informed 
me that Don Ambrosio had been dead three weeks, and the marchioness his 
lady had taken the resolution of retiring to a convent at Burgos, which he 
named. I proceeded immediately towards that town, instead of taking the 
road to the castle, as I had first meant to do, and flew at once to the place of 
Donna Mencia's retreat. I besought the attendant at the turning-box to tell 
that lady that a young man just discharged from prison at Astorga wanted to 
speak with her. The nun went on the message immediately. On her return, 
she showed me into a parlour, where I did not wait long before Don Ambro- 
sio's widow appeared at the grate in deep mourning. 

You .are welcome, said the lady. Four days ago I wrote to a person at 
Astorga, to pay you a visit as from me, and to tell you to come and see me the 
moment you were released from prison. I had no doubt of your being dis- 
charged shortly : what I told the corregidor in your exculpation was enough 
for that. An answer was brought that you had been set at liberty, but that no 
one knew what was become of you. I was afraid of not seeing you any more, 
and losing the pleasure of expressing my gratitude. Never mind, added she, 
observing my confusion at making my appearance in so wretched a garb ; your 
dress is of very little consequence. After the important services you have ren- 
dered me, I should be the most ungrateful of my sex, if I were to do nothing 
for you in return. I undertake, therefore, to better your condition : it is my 
duty, and the means are in my power. My fortune is large enough to pay my 
debt of obligation to you, without putting myself to inconvenience. 

You know, continued she, my story up to the time when we both were com- 
mitted to prison. I will now tell you what has happened to me since. When 
the corregidor at Astorga had sent me to Burgos, after having heard from my 
own lips a faithful recital of my adventures, I presented myself at the castle of 
Ambrosio. My return thither excited extreme surprise : but they told me that 
it was too late ; the marquis, as if he had been thunderstruck at my flight, fell 
sick ; and the physicians despaired of his recovery. Here was a new incident 
in the melancholy tragedy of my fate. Yet I ordered my arrival to be announced. 
The next moment I ran into his chamber, and threw myself on my knees by 
his bedside, with a face running down with tears and a heart oppressed with 
the most lively sorrow. Who sent for you hither ? said he as soon as he saw 
me ; are you come to contemplate your own contrivance ? Was it not enough 
to have deprived me of life ? But was it necessary to satisfy your heart's desire, 
to be an eye-witness of my death ? My lord, replied I, Ines must have told 



30 GIL BLAS. 



you that I fled with my first husband ; and, had it not been for the sad accident 
which has taken him from me for ever, you never would have seen me moie. 
At the same time, I acquainted him that Don Alvar had been killed by a ban- 
ditti, whose captive I had consequently been in a subterraneous dungeon. 
After relating the particulars of my story to the end, Don Ambrosio held out 
to me his hand. It . is enough, said he affectionately, I will make no more 
complaints. Alas ! Have I in fact any right to reproach you ? You were 
thrown once more in the way of a beloved husband ; and gave me up to follow 
his fortunes : can I blame such an instance of your affection ? No, madam, it 
would have been vain to resist the will of fate. For that reason I gave orders 
not to pursue you. In my rival himself I could not but respect the sacred 
rights with which he was invested, and even the impulse of your flight seemed 
to have been communicated by some superior power. To close all with an act 
of justice, and in the spirit of reconciliation, your return hither has re-established 
you completely in my affection. Yes, my dear Mencia, your presence fills me 
with joy : but, alas ! I shall not long be sensible to it. I feel my last hour 
to be at hand. No sooner are you restored to me, than I must bid you an 
eternal farewell. At these touching expressions, my tears flowed in torrents. 
I felt and expressed as much affliction as the human heart is capable of con- 
taining. I question whether Don Alvar's death, doting on him as I did, had 
cost me more bitter lamentations. Don Ambrosio had given way to no mis- 
taken presage of his death, which happened on the following day ; and I re- 
mained mistress of a considerable jointure, settled on me at our marriage. But 
I shall take care to make no unworthy use of it. The world shall not see me, 
young as I still am, wantoning in the arms of a third husband. Besides that 
such levity seems irreconcileable with the feelings of any but the profligate of 
our sex, I will frankly own the relish of life to be extinct in me ; so that I mean 
to end my days in this convent, and to become a benefactress to it. 

Such was Donna Mencia' s discourse about her future plans. She then drew 
a purse from beneath her robe, and put it into my hands, with this address : 
Here are a hundred ducats simply to furnish out your wardrobe. That done, 
come and see me again. I mean not to confine my gratitude within such nar- 
row bounds. I returned her a thousand thanks, and promised solemnly not to 
quit Burgos, without taking leave of her. Having given this pledge, which I 
had every inclination to redeem, I went to look out for some house of entertain- 
ment. Entering the first I met with, I asked for a room. To parry the ill opinion 
my frock might convey of my finances, I told the landlord that, however appear- 
ances might be against me, I could pay for my night's lodging as well as a 
better dressed gentleman. At this speech, the landlord, whose name was Ma- 
juelo, a great banterer in a coarse way, running over me with his eyes from top 
to toe, answered with a cool, sarcastic grin, that there was no need of any such 
assurance ; it was evident I should pay my way liberally, for he discovered 
something of nobility through my disguise, and had no doubt but I was a gentle- 
man in very easy circumstances. I saw plainly that the rascal was laughing at me ; 
and, to stop his humour before it became too convulsive, gave him a little insight 
into the state of my purse. I went so far as to count over my ducats on a table 
before him, and perceived my coin to have inclined him to a more respectful 
judgment. I begged the favour of him to send for a tailor. A broker would 
be better, said he ; he will bring all sorts of apparel, and you will be dressed 
up out of hand. I approved of this advice, and determined to follow it ; but, 
as the day was on the point of closing, I put off my purchase till the morrow, 
and thought only of getting a good supper, to make amends for the miserable 
fare I had taken up with since my escape from the forest. 



DRESSES HIMSELF TO MORE ADVANTAGE. 31 

Ch. XV. — Gil Bias dresses himself to more advantage, and receives a second pre- 
sent from the lady. His equipage on setting out from Burgos. 

They served me up a plentiful fricassee of sheep's trotters, almost the whole of 
which I demolished. My drinking kept pace with my eating : and when I 
could stuff no longer, I went to bed. I lay comfortably enough, and was in 
hopes that a sound sleep would have the kindness without delay to commit a 
friendly invasion on my senses. But I could not close an eye for ruminating 
on the dress I should choose. What shall I do, thought I ? Shall I follow my 
first plan ? Shall I buy a short cassock, and go to Salamanca to set up for a 
tutor ? Why should I adopt the costume of a licentiate ? For the purpose of 
going into orders ? Do I feel an inward call ? No ? If I have any call, it is 
quite the contrary way. I had rather wear a sword than an apron : and push 
my fortune in this world, before I think of the next. 

I made up my mind to take on myself the appearance of a gentleman. Wait- 
ing for the day with the greatest impatience, its first dawn no sooner greeted my 
eyes, than I got up. I made such an uproar in the inn, as to wake the most 
inveterate sleeper, and called the servants out of bed, who returned my salute 
with a volley of curses. But they found themselves under a necessity of stirring, 
and I let them have no rest till they had sent for a broker. The gentleman 
soon made his appearance, followed by two lads, each lugging in a great bundle 
of green cloth. He accosted me very civilly, to the following effect : Honoured 
sir, you are a happy man to have been recommended to me rather than any one 
else. I do not mean to give my brethren an ill word : God forbid I should offer 
the slightest injury to their reputation ! They have none to spare. But, between 
ourselves, there is not one of them that has any bowels ; they are more extor- 
tionate than the Israelites. There is not a broker but myself that has any 
moral sense. I keep within the bounds of a reasonable profit. I am satisfied 
with a pound in the penny ; — no, no ! — that is wrong : — with a penny in the 
pound. Thanks to heaven, I get forward fair and softly in the world. 

The broker, after this preface, which I, like a fool, took for chapter and verse, 
told his journeymen to undo their bundles. They showed me suits of every 
colour in the rainbow, and exposed to sale a great choice of plain cloths. These 
I threw aside with contempt, as thinking them too undrest ; but they made me 
try on one which fitted me as well as if I had been measured for it, and just hit 
my fancy, though it was a little the worse for wear. It was a doublet with 
slashed sleeves, with breeches and a cloak, the whole of blue velvet with a gold 
embroidery. I felt a little hankering after this particular article, and attempted 
to beat down the price. The broker, who saw my inclination, told me I had 
a very correct taste. By all that is sacred ! exclaimed he, it is plain you 
are no younker. Take this with you ! That dress was made for one of the first 
nobility in the kingdom, and has not been on his back three times. Look at 
the velvet ; feel it : nothing can be richer or of a better colour ; and for the 
embroiderv, come now ! tell truth : did you ever see better workmanship ? 
What is the price of it ? said I. Only sixty ducats, replied he. I have refused 
the money, or else I am a liar. The alternative could not fail in one proposi- 
tion or the other. I bid five and forty : two or three and twenty would have 
been nearer the mark. My worthy master, said the broker coolly, I never ask 
too much. I have but one price. But here, added he, holding up the suits I 
had thrown aside ; take these : I can afford to sell them a better bargain. All 
this only inflamed my eagerness to buy what I was cheapening ; and as I had 
no idea that he would have made any abatement, I paid him down sixty ducats. 
When he saw how easily a fool and his money were parted, I verily believe that 
in spite of the moral sense, he heartily repented not having taken a hint from 



GIL BLAS. 



the extortionate Israelite. But reconciling himself as well as he could to the 
small profit, to which he professed to confine himself, of a pound upon a penny, 
he retreated with his journeymen. I was not suffered to forget that they must 
have something for their trouble. 

I had now a cloak, a doublet, and a very decent pair of breeches. The rest 
of my wardrobe was to be thought of : and this took up the whole morning. I 
bought some linen, a hat, silk stockings, shoes, and a sword ; and concluded 
by putting on my purchases. What pleasure was it to see myself so well accou- 
tered ! My eyes were never cloyed, as it were, with the richness of my attire. 
Never did peacock look at his own plumage with less philosophy. On that 
very day, I paid a second visit to Donna Mencia, who received me with her 
usual affability. She thanked me over again for the service I had rendered her. 
On that subject, rapid was the interchange of compliments. Then, wishing 
every kind of success, she bade me farewell, and withdrew, without giving me 
anything but a ring worth thirty pistoles, which she begged me to keep as a 
remembrance. 

I looked very foolish with my ring ! I had reckoned on a much more consi- 
derable present. Thus, little satisfied with the lady's bounty, I measured back 
my steps in a very musing attitude : but as I entered the inn door, a man over- 
took me, and throwing off his wrapping cloak, discovered a large bag under his 
arm. At the vision of the bag, apparently full of current coin, I stood gaping 
as did most of the company present. The voice of angel or archangel could 
not have been sweeter, than when this messenger of earthly dross, laying 
the bag upon the table, said : Signor Gil Bias, the lady marchioness desires her 
compliments. I bowed the bearer out, with an accumulation of fine speeches ; 
and, as soon as his back was turned, pounced upon the bag, like a hawk upon 
its quarry, and bore it between my talons to my chamber. I untied it without 
loss of time, and the contents were ; — a thousand ducats ! The landlord who 
had overheard the bearer, came in just as I had done counting them, to know- 
what was in the bag. The sight of my riches displayed upon a table, struck 
him in a very forcible manner. What the devil ! here is a sum of money ! So, 
so ! you are the man ! pursued he with a waggish sort of leer, you know how 
to — tickle the — fancies of the ladies ! Four and twenty hours only have you 
been in Burgos, and marchionesses, I warrant you, have surrendered at the first 
summons ! 

This discourse was not so much amiss. I was half inclined to leave Majuelo 
in his error ; for it flattered my vanity. I do not wonder young fellows are fond 
of passing for men of gallantry. But as yet the purity of my morals was proof 
against the suggestions of my pride. I undeceived my landlord, by telling him 
Donna Mencia's story, to which he listened very attentively. Afterwards I let 
him into the state of my affairs ; and, as he seemed to take an interest in them, 
besought him to assist me with his advice. He ruminated for some time ; then 
said with a serious air : Master Gil Bias, I have taken a liking to you ; and 
since you are candid enough to open your heart to me, I will tell you sincei-ely 
what I think would suit you best. You were evidently born for a court life : I 
recommend you to go thither, and to get about the person of some considerable 
nobleman. But make a point either of getting at his secrets, or administering 
to his pleasures ; unless you do that, it will 'be all lost time in his family. I 
know the great : they reckon nothing upon the zeal and attachment of a real 
friend ; but only care for pimping sycophants. You have, besides, another string 
to your bow. You are young, with an attractive person : parts out of the 
question, for they are not at all times necessary, it is hard if you cannot turn the 
head of some rich widow, or handsome wife with a broomstick for her husband. 
Love may ruin men of fortune ; but it makes amends by feathering the nests of 



DONNA MENCIA'S COUSIN INTRODUCED TO HIM. 33 

those who have none. My vote, therefore, is for Madrid : but you must not 
make your appearance there without an establishment. There, as elsewhere, 
people judge by the outside ; and you will only be respected according to the 
figure you make. I will find you a servant, a tried domestic, a prudent lad ; 
in a word, a fellow of my own creation. Buy a couple of mules ; one for your- 
self, the other for him : and set off as fast as you can. 

This counsel was too palatable to be refused. On the day following I pur- 
chased two fine mules, and bargained with my new servant. He was a young 
man of thirty, of a very simple and godly appearance. He told me he was a 
native of Galicia, by name Ambrose de Lamela. Other servants are selfish, 
and think they never can have wages enough. This fellow assured me he was 
a man of few wants, and should be contented with whatever I had the goodness 
to give him. I bought a pair of boots, with a portmanteau to lock up my linen 
and my money. Having settled with my landlord, I set out from Burgos the 
next morning before sun-rise, on my way to Madrid. 

Ch. XVI. — Showing that prosperity will slip through a maris fingers. 

We slept at Duengnas the first night, and reached Valladolid on the following 
day, about four o'clock in the afternoon. We alighted at the inn of the most 
respectable appearance in the town. I left the care of the mules to my fellow, 
and went up to a room whither I ordered my portmanteau to be carried by a 
waiter. As I felt a little weary, I threw myself on a couch in my boots, and 
fell asleep involuntarily. It was almost night when I awoke. I called for Am- 
brose. He was not to be found in the house ; but made his appearance in a 
short time. I asked him where he had been : he answered in his godly way, 
that he was just come from church, whither he went for the purpose of thanks- 
giving, by reason that we had been graciously preserved from all perils and 
dangers between Burgos and Valladolid. I commended his piety ; and ordered 
a chicken to be roasted for supper. 

At the moment when I was giving this order, my landlord came into my 
room with a light in his hand. That cursed candle served to introduce a lady, - 
handsome, but not young, and very richly attired. She leant upon an usher, 
none of the youngest, and a little blackamoor was her train-bearer. I was un- 
der no small surprise when this fair incognita, with a profound obeisance, beg- 
ged to know if my name might happen to be Signor Gil Bias of Santillane ? 
I had no sooner blundered out yes, than she released her sweet hand from the 
custody of the usher, and embraced me with a transport of joy, of which I knew 
less and less what to make. Heaven be praised, cried she, for all its mercies ! 
You are he, noble sir, the very man of whom I was in quest. By this introduc- 
tion I was reminded of my friend the parasite at Pegnaflor, and was on the 
point of suspecting the lady to be no better than an honest woman should be : 
but her finale gave me a much higher opinion of her. I am, continued she, 
first cousin to Donna Mencia de Mosquera, whom you have so greatly befriended. 
It was but this morning I received a letter from her. She writes me word that 
having learnt your intention of going to Madrid, she wished me to receive you 
hospitably on your journey, if you went this way. For these two hours have I 
been parading the town. From ina to inn have I gone to inform myself what 
strangers were in the house ; and I gathered from the landlord's description 
that you were most likely to have been my cousin's deliverer. Since then I have 
found you out, you shall know by experience my gratitude to the friends of my 
family, and especially to my dear cousin's hero. You will take up your abode, 
it you please, at my house. Your accommodations will be better. I wished 
to excuse myself ; and told the lady that I could not be so troublesome : but 



m . , h 

34 GIL BLAS. 

her importunities were more than a match for my modesty. A carriage was 
waiting at the door of the inn to convey us. She saw my portmanteau taken 
care of with her own eyes, because, as she justly observed, there were a great 
many light-fingered gentry about Valladolid — to be sure there were a great 
many light-fingered gentry about Valladolid, as she justly observed ! In short, 
I got into the carriage with her and the old usher, and suffered myself to be 
carried off bodily from the inn, to the great annoyance of the landlord, who saw 
himself thus weaned from all the little perquisites he had reckoned on from my 
abode under his roof. 

Our carriage, having rolled on some distance, stopped. We alighted at the 
door of a handsome house, and went up-stairs into a well-furnished apartment, 
illuminated by twenty or thirty wax candles. Several servants were in waiting, 
of whom the lady inquired whether Don Raphael was come. They answered, 
No. She then addressed herself to me : Signor Gil Bias, I am waiting for my 
brother's return from a country seat of ours, about two leagues distant. What 
an agreeable surprise will it be to him to find a man under his roof to whom our 
family is so much indebted ! At the very moment she had finished this pretty 
speech we heard a noise, and were informed at the same time that it was occasion- 
ed by the arrival of Don Raphael. This spark soon made his appearance. He 
was a young man of portly figure and genteel manners. I am in ecstacy to see 
you back again, brother, said the lady ; you will assist me in doing the honours 
to Signor Gil Bias of Santillane. We can never do enough to show our sense of 
his kindness to our kinswoman, Donna Mencia. Here, read this letter I have 
just received. Don Raphael opened the envelope, and read aloud as follows : 
" My dear Camilla, Signor Gil Bias of Santillane, the saviour of my honour and 
my life, has just set out for court. He will of course pass through Valladolid. I 
conjure you by our family connection, and still more by our indissoluble friend- 
ship, to give him an hospitable reception, and to detain him for some time as 
your guest. I flatter myself that you will so far oblige me, and that my deliverer 
will receive every kind of polite attention from yourself, and my cousin, Don 
Raphael. Your affectionate cousin, 

' ' Burgos. Donna Mencia. " 

What ! cried Don Raphael, casting his eyes again over the letter, is it to this 
gentleman my kinswoman owes her honour and her life ? Then heaven be 
praised for this happy meeting. With this sort of language, he advanced to- 
wards me ; and squeezing me tightly in his arms : What joy to me is it, added 
he, to have the honour of seeing Signor Gil Bias of Santillane ! My cousin the 
marchioness had no need to press the hospitality. Had she only told us simply that 
you were passing through Valladolid, that would have been enough. My sister 
Camilla and I shall be at no loss how to conduct ourselves towards a young 
gentleman who has conferred an obligation, not to be repaid, on her of all our 
family most tenderly beloved by us. I made the best answer I could to these 
speeches, which were followed by many others of the same kind, and interlarded 
with a thousand bows and scrapes. But Lord bless me, he has his boots on ! 
The servants were ordered in, to take them off. 

We next went into another room, where the cloth was lain. Down we sat 
at table, the brother, sister, and myself. They paid me a hundred compli- 
ments during supper. Not a word escaped me, but they magnified it into an 
admirable hit ! It was impossible not to observe the assiduity with which they 
both helped me out of every dish. Don Raphael often pledged me to Donna 
Mencia's health. I could not refuse the challenge ; and it looked a little as if 
Camilla, who was a very good companion, ogled at me with no questionable 
meaning. I even thought I could perceive that she watched her opportunity, 
as if she was afraid of being detected by her brother. An oracle could not have 



GIL BLAS TRICKED OUT OF HIS RING. 35 

convinced me more firmly that the lady was caught ; and I looked forward to a 
little delicate amusement from the discovery, during the short time I was to stay 
at Valladolid. That hope was my tempter to comply with the request they 
made me, of condescending to pass a few days with them. They thanked me 
kindly for indulging them with my company ; and Camilla's restrained, but 
visible transport, confirmed me in the opinion that I was not altogether disagree- 
able in her eyes. 

Don Raphael, finding I had made up my mind to be his guest for a few days, 
proposed to take me to his country house. The description of it was magnifi- 
cent, and the round of amusements he meditated for me was not to be described. 
At one time, said he, we will take the diversion of the chase, at another that of 
fishing ; and whenever you have a mind for a saunter, we have charming woods 
and gardens. In addition, we shall have agreeable society. I flatter myself 
you will not find the time hang heavy on your hands. I accepted the invitation, 
and it was agreed that we should go to this fine country house the following 
day. We rose from the table with this pleasant scheme in our mouths. Don 
Raphael seemed in ecstacy. Signor Gil Bias, said he, embracing me, I leave 
you with my sister. I am going presently to give the necessary orders, and 
send invitations round to the families I wish to be of the party. With these 
words he sallied forth from the room where we were sitting. I went on chat- 
ting with the lady, whose topics of discourse did not bely the glances of her 
expressive eyes. She took me by the hand, and playing with my ring, You 
have a mighty pretty brilliant there, said she, but it is small. Are you a judge 
of jewellery ? I answered, no ! I am sorry for that, resumed she, because I was 
in hopes you could have told me what this is worth. As she uttered these 
words, she showed me a large ruby on her finger ; and, while I was looking at 
it, said — An uncle of mine, who was governor of the Spanish settlements in the 
Philippine isles, gave me this ruby. The jewellers at Valladolid value it at three 
hundred pistoles. It cannot be worth less, said I, for it is evidently a very fine 
stone. Why, then, since you have taken a fancy to it, replied she, an exchange 
is no robbery. In a twinkling she whisked off my ring, and placed her own on 
my little finger. After this exchange, a genteel way enough of making a pre- 
sent, Camilla pressed my hand and gazed at me with expressive tenderness ; 
then, all at once breaking off the conversation, wished me good night, and re- 
tired to hide her blushes, as if she had been ready to sink at the indiscreet 
avowal of her sentiments. 

No one hitherto had trod less in the paths of gallantry than myself ! Yet I 
could not shut my eyes to the vista vision opened to me by this precipitate re- 
treat. Under these circumstances, a country excursion might have its charms. 
Full of this flattering idea, and intoxicated with the prosperous condition of my 
affairs, I locked myself into my bed-room, after having told my servant to call 
me betimes in the morning. Instead of going to sleep, I gave myself up to the 
agreeable reflections which my portmanteau, snug-upon the. table, and my ruby 
excited in my breast. Heaven be praised, thought I, though misfortunes have 
been my lot, I am unfortunate no longer. A thousand ducats here, a ring of 
three hundred pistoles' value there ! I am in cash for a considerable time. In- 
deed Majuelo was no flatterer, I see clearly. The ladies of Madrid will take 
fire like touchwood, since the green sticks of Valladolid are so inflammable. 
Then the kind regards of the generous Camilla arrayed themselves in all their 
charms, and I tasted by anticipation the amusements Don Raphael was preparing 
for me at his villa. In the mean while, amid so many images of pleasure, sleep 
was on the watch to strew his poppies on my couch. As soon as I felt myself 
drowsy, I undressed and went to bed. 

The next morning, when I awoke, I found it rather late. It was odd enough 



GIL BLAS. 



that my servant did not make his appearance, after such particular orders. Am- 
brose, thought I to myself, my devout Ambrose is either at church, 01 abomin- 
ably lazy this morning. But I soon let go this opinion of him to take up a worse ; 
for getting out of bed, and seeing no portmanteau, I suspected him to have 
stolen it during the night. To clear up my suspicions, I opened my chamber 
door, and called the religious rascal over and over again. An old man answer- 
ed, saying — What is your pleasure, sir? All your folks left my house before 
day-break. Your house ! How now ! exclaimed I ; am I not under Don Ra- 
phael's roof? I do not know the gentleman, said he. You are in a ready- 
furnished lodging, and I am the landlord. Yesterday evening, an hour before 
your arrival, the lady who supped with you came hither, and engaged this suite 
of apartments for a nobleman of high rank, travelling incognito, as she called it. 
She paid me beforehand. I was now in the secret. It was plain enough what 
sort of people Camilla and Don Raphael were ; and I conjectured that my ser- 
vant, having wormed himself into a complete knowledge of my concerns, had be- 
trayed me to these impostors. Instead of blaming myself for this sad accident, 
and considering that it could never have happened but for my indiscretion in so 
unnecessarily betraying my confidence to Majuelo, I gave bad language to the poor 
hannless dame fortune, and cursed my ill star in a hundred different formularies. 
The master of the ready-furnished lodging, to whom I related the adventure, 
which perhaps was as much his as mine, showed some little outward sensibility 
to my affliction. He lamented over me, and protested he was deeply mortified 
that such a play should have been acted in his house ; but I verily believe, not- 
withstanding his fine words, that he had an equal share in the cheat with mine 
host at Burgos, to whom I have never denied the merit of so ingenious an in- 
vention. 

Ch. XVII. — The measures Gil Bias took after the adventure of the ready-fur- 
nished lodging. 

After the first transports of my grief were over, I began to consider, that in- 
stead of giving way to remorse, I ought rather to bear up against my ill fate. I 
summoned back my resolution, and, by way of comfort, said to myself as I was 
dressing — I am still in luck that the knaves have not carried off my clothes and 
what little money I had in my pocket. I gave them some credit for being so 
considerate. They had even been generous enough to leave me my boots, 
which I parted with to the landlord for a third of their cost. At last I sallied 
out of the ready-furnished lodging, unencumbered, heaven be praised, with 
baggage or attendance. The first thing I did was to go and see if my mules 
were still at the inn where we alighted the evening before. It was not to be 
supposed that Ambrose would have neglected a due attention to them ; and it 
would have been well for me if I had always taken such exact measure of his 
character. I learned that he had not waited for the morning, but had been 
careful to fetch them by over-night. Under these circumstances, satisfied I 
should never see them again, any more than my portmanteau, I walked sulkily 
along the streets, musing on the future plans I should adopt. I was tempted to 
go back to Burgos, and once more have recourse to Donna Mencia ; but, re- 
garding this as an abuse of that lady's goodness, and being aware, moreover, 
! what a fool I should look like, I thought it best to forego that idea. I made a 
vow too for the future to be on my guard against women. I could have sent 
the chaste Susanna to the house of correction. From time to time my ring 
caught my eye, it was a present from Camilla ! and I was ready to burst 
with anguish. Alas ! thought I, I am no judge of jewellery, but I shall 
be, by experience of these hucksters who exchange without a robbery. I 



J 



FABRIC 10 MEETS WITH GIL BIAS. 37 

need not go to a jeweller to be told I am an ass ! I can see my own face in 
my ruby. 

Yet I did not neglect to know the truth respecting the value of my ring, and 
showed it to a lapidary, who rated it at three ducats. At such an estimate, 
though as much as I expected, I made a formal surrender to the devil, of the 
Philippine isles, the governor and his niece ; or rather, I only restored his own 
subjects to their lawful sovereign. As I was going out of the lapidary's shop a 
young fellow brushed by me, and on looking round, made a full stop. I could 
not recollect his name at first, though his features were perfectly familiar to me. 
How now, Gil Bias, said he, are you ashamed of an old acquaintance ? or have 
two years so altered the son of Nunez the barber, that you do not know him ? 
Do not you recollect Fabricio, your townsman and schoolfellow ? How often 
have we kept, before Doctor Godinez, upon universals and metaphysics ! 

These words did not flow so fast as my recollection, and we embraced with 
mutual good will. Well, my friend, resumed he, I am overjoyed to meet with 

you. Words fall short But how is this ? Why, you look like — as 

heaven is my judge, you are dressed like a grandee ! A gentleman's sword, silk 
stockings, a velvet doublet and cloak, embroidered with silver ! Plague take it ! 
this is getting on in the world with a vengeance. I will lay a wager you are in 
with some old monied harridan. You reckon without your host, said I, my 
affairs are not so prosperous as you imagine. That will not do for me, replied 
he, I know better things ; but you have a mind to be close. And that fine ruby 
on your finger, master Gil Bias, whence comes that, if I may be so bold ? It 
comes, quoth I, from an infernal jade. Fabricio, my dear Fabricio, far from 
being point, quint, and quatorze with the ladies of Valladolid, you are to know, 
my friend, that I am their complete bubble. 

I uttered these last words so ruefully, that Fabricio saw plainly that some 
trick had been played upon me. He was anxious to learn why I was out of 
humour with the lovely sex. I had no difficulty in satisfying his curiosity ; but 
as the story was a long one, and besides we had no mind to part in a hurry, we 
went into a coffee-house to be a little more at ease. There I recounted to him, 
during breakfast, all that had happened to me since my departure from Oviedo. 
My adventures he thought whimsical enough ; and testifying his sympathy in 
my present uneasy circumstances, added — We must make the best, my good lad, 
of all our misfortunes in this life. Is a man of parts in distress ? he waits pa- 
tiently for better luck. Such an one, as Cicero truly observes, never suffers 
himself to be humbled so low, as to forget that he is a man. For my own part, 
that is just my character ; in or out of favour there is no sinking me ; I always 
float on the surface of ill-luck. For example, I was in love witli a girl of some 
family at Oviedo, and was beloved by her in return. I asked her of her father 
in marriage, he refused. Many a young fellow would have died of grief ; but 
no ! mark my spirit, I carried off the little baggage. She was lively, heedless, 
and coquettish : pleasure consequently was always uppermost to the prejudice 
of duty. I took her with me for six months backwards and forwards about 
Galicia ; thence, adopting my taste for travelling, she had a mind to go to 
Portugal, but in other company — more food for despair. Yet I did not give in 
under the weight of this new affliction ; but, improving on Menelaus, thought my- 
self much obliged to the Paris who had whispered in the ear of my Helen, for 
ridding me of a bad bargain ; I therefore determined to keep the peace. After 
that, not finding it convenient to return to the Asturias and balance accounts with 
justice, I went forward into the kingdom of Leon, spending between one town 
and another all the loose cash remaining from the rape of my Indian princess ; 
for we had both of us birdlimed our fingers at our departure from Oviedo. I 
got to Palencia with a solitary ducat, out of which I was obliged to buy a pair 



38 GIL BLAS. 



of shoes. The remainder would not go far. My situation became rather per- 
plexing. I began already to be reduced to short allowance ; something must be 
done. I resolved to go out to service. My first place was with a woollen- 
draper in a large way, whose son was a lad of wit and fashion ; here was a com- 
plete antidote to fasting, but then there was a little awkwardness. The father 
ordered me to dog the son, the son begged my assistance in imposing on the 
father ; it was necessary to take one side or other. Entreaties sound more 
musical than commands, and my taste for music got me turned out of doors. 
The next service I entered into was with an old paint ei", who undertook, as a 
matter of favour, to teach me the principles of his art ; but he was so busy in 
feeding me with knowledge, that he forgot to give me any meat. This neglect 
of substance for shadow disgusted me with my abode at Palencia. I came to 
Valladolid, where, by the greatest good luck in the world, I was hired by a 
governor of the hospital ; I am with him still, and delighted with my quarters. 
My master, Signor Manuel Ordonnez, is a man of profound piety. He always 
walks with his eyes cast downwards, and a large rosary in his hand. They say 
that from his early youth, having been a close inspector of the poor, he has in- 
terested himself in their affairs with unwearied zeal. Charity draws down a 
blessing on the charitable, everything has prospered with him. What a fav- 
ourite of heaven ! The more he does for the poor, the richer he grows. 

As Fabricio was going on in this manner, I interrupted him. It is well you 
are satisfied with your lot ; but, between ourselves, surely you might play your 
part better in the world. Do not you believe it, Gil Bias, replied he ; be as- 
sured that for a man of my temper a more agreeable situation could not possibly 
have been devised. The trade of a lacquey is toilsome, to be sure, for a poor 
creature ; but for a lad of spirit it is all enchantment. A superior genius, when 
he gets a service, does not go about it like a lumpish simpleton. He enters 
into a family as viceroy over the master, not as an inferior minister. He begins 
by measuring the length of his employer's foot ; by lending himself to his weak- 
nesses, he gains his confidence, and ends with leading him by the nose. Such 
has been my plan of operation at the governor's. I knew the pilgrim at once 
by his staff ; his wish was for an earthly canonization. I pretended to believe 
him to be the saint he wished to be taken for, hypocrisy costs nothing. Nay, 
I went further, for I took pattern by him ; and playing the same part before 
him which he played before others, I out-cozened the cozener, and by degrees 
got to be major domo. I am in hopes some day or other, under his wing, to 
have the fingering of the poor's-box. It may bring a blessing upon me as well 
as another ; for I have caught the flame from him, and already feel deeply 
for the interests of charity. 

These are fine hopes, my dear Fabricio, replied I ; and I congratulate you 
upon them. For my part, I am determined on my first plan. I shall straight- 
way convert my embroidered suit into a cassock, repair to Salamanca, and there, 
enlisting under the banner of the university, fulfil the sacred duties of a tutor. 
A fine scheme ! exclaimed Fabricio, a pleasant conceit ! What madness, at 
your age, to turn pedant ! Are you aware, you stupid fellow, what you take 
upon yourself by that choice ? As soon as you are settled, all the house will be 
upon the watch, your most trivial actions will be minutely sifted. You will 
lead a life of incessant constraint ; you must set yourself off with a counterfeit 
outside, and affect to entertain a doubje set of the cardinal virtues in your 
bosom. You will not have a moment to bestow on pleasure. The everlasting 
censor of your pupil, your days will pass in teaching grammar and administer- 
ing saintly reprehension, when he shall say or do anything against decorum. 
After so much labour and confinement, what will be your reward ? If the little 
gentleman is a pickle, they will lay all the blame on your bad management ; 



GIL BLAS APPLIES FOR A SITUATION. 39 

and you will be kicked out of the family, it may be without your stipend. Do 
not tell me then of a tutor's employment ; it is worse than a cure of souls. But 
talk as much as you will about a lacquey's occupation, that is a sinecure, and 
pledges you to nothing. Suppose one's master not to be immaculate ? A 
servant of superior genius will natter his vices, and not unfrequently turn them 
to account. A footman lives at his ease in a good family. After having ate 
and drank his fill, he goes to bed peaceably, without troubling himself who 
pays the bills. 

I should never have done, my dear fellow, pursued he, were I to enumerate 
all the advantages of service. Trust me, Gil Bias, discard for ever your foolish 
wish of being a tutor, and follow my example. So be it : but, Fabricio, replied 
I, governors like yours are not to be met with every day ; and if resolved to go 
to service, I should like at least to get a good situation. Oh ! you are in the 
right, said he, and that shall be my concern. I will get you a comfortable place, 
if it were only to snatch a fine fellow from the jaws of the university. 

The near approach of poverty with which I was threatened, and Fabricio's 
apparent good case, having more weight with me than his arguments, I de- 
termined to wear a livery. On which we sallied forth from the tavern, and my 
townsman said : I am going to introduce you to a man, to whom most of the 
servants resort when they are on the ramble ; he has eaves-droppers about him 
to pick up all that passes in families. He knows at once where the servants are 
going away, and keeps a correct register, not only of vacant places, but of vacant 
masters, with their good and bad properties. The fellow has been a friar in some 
convent or other. In short, he it was who got me my place. 

While we were conversing about so singular an office of intelligence, the son 
of Nunez the barber took me into a street which had no thoroughfare. We 
went into a mean house, where we found a man about fifty writing at a table. 
We wished him good day, with quite as much humility as became us : but, 
whether it was from natural pride, or that, from a habit of seeing none but 
lacqueys and coachmen, he had got a trick of receiving his company with an 
easy freedom, without rising from his seat, he just gave a slight nod. He seemed 
surprised that a young man in embroidered velvet should want a place ; he had 
rather expected me to have wanted a servant. However, he was not kept long 
in doubt, since Fabricio said at once : Signor Arias de Londona, give me leave 
to introduce one of my best friends. He is a youth of good connections, whom 
adverse circumstances have reduced to the necessity of going to service. Have 
the goodness to provide for him handsomely, and you may trust to his gratitude. 
Gentlemen, replied Arias coolly, this is the way with you all ; before you are 
settled, you make the finest promises in the world : but afterwards, Lord help 
us ! your memories are very short. The deuce ! replied Fabricio, why you do 
not complain of me ? Have not I done the thing genteelly ? You ought to 
have done it much better, rejoined Arias : your place is better than a clerk in a 
public office, and you paid me as if I had quartered you upon a poor author. 
Here I interfered, and told Master Arias, that to convince him I was not a 
shabby fellow, I would make my acknowledgments beforehand ; at the same 
time taking out two ducats, with an assurance of not stopping there if he got 
me into a good berth. 

He seemed to like my mode of dealing. There are, said he, some very good 
places vacant. I will give you a list of them, and you shall take your choice. 
With these words, he put on his spectacles, opened a register on the table, 
turned over a few of the leaves, and began reading to this effect : Captain Tor- 
bellino wants a footman ; a hasty, hair-brained, humoursome chap ; scolds in- 
cessantly, swears, kicks his servants, and very often cripples them. Go on to 
the next, cried I, at this picture ; such a captain will never do for me. My 



4 o GIL BLAS. 



sprightliness made Arias smile, and he went on with his catalogue thus : Donna 
Menuela de Sandoval, a superannuated dowager, peevish and fantastical, is in 
want at this very time ; she keeps but one, and him never for four-and- 
twenty hours. There has been a livery in the house for these ten years, which 
fits every new-comer, whether tall or short. They only just try it on ; so that 
it is as good as new, though it has had two thousand owners. Doctor Alvar 
Fanez wants a journeyman ; an eminent member of the faculty ! He boards 
his family very handsomely, has everything comfortable about him, and 
gives very high wages ; but he is a little too fond of experiments. When he 
gets a parcel of bad drugs, which happens very often, there is a pretty quick suc- 
cession of new servants. 

Oh ! I do not in the least doubt it, interrupted Fabricio with a horse-laugh. 
Upon my word, you give me a fine character of your customers. Patience, said 
Arias de Londona ; we have not yet got to the end : there is variety enough. 
Thereupon he continued to read on : Donna Alfonsa de Solis, an old devotee, who 
lives two-thirds of her time at church, and always keeps her servant at her 
apron string, has been in want for these three weeks. The Licentiate Sedillo, 
an old prebendary of the chapter here, turned away his servant yesterday even- 
ing Halt there, Signor Arias de Londona, cried Fabricio at that passage ; 

we will stick to the church. The Licentiate Sedillo is one of my master's friends, 
and I am very well acquainted with him. I know he has for his housekeeper 
an old hypocrite, called Dame Jacintha, who is complete mistress of the family. 
It is one of the best houses in Valladolid. A very idle life, and plenty of excel- 
lent meat and drink. Besides, his reverence is an old, gouty, infirm man, likely 
soon to make his will : there is a legacy to be looked after. That is a delight- 
ful prospect for one of our cloth ! Gil Bias, added he, turning round to me, 
let us lose no time, my friend, but go immediately to the licentiate's house. I 
will introduce you myself, and give you a character. At these words, for fear 
of missing such an opportunity, we took a hasty leave of Signor Arias, who as- 
sured me, for my money, that if I failed here, he would do something as good 
for, me elsewhere. 



BOOK THE SECOND. 

Ch. I. — Fabricio introduces Gil Bias to the Licentiate Sedillo, and procures him 
a reception. The domestic economy of that clergyman. Picture of his housekeeper. 

We were so dreadfully afraid of offending against the regular hours of the old 
licentiate, that we made but a hop, skip, and jump, from the street with one outlet, 
to the prebendal residence. The gates were barred : but we ventured to an- 
nounce our arrival. A girl of ten years old, the housekeeper's professed niece, 
and slander could not gainsay the relationship, opened the door to us. As we 
asked to speak with his reverence, Dame Jacintha made her appearance. She 
was a lady of ripe person and parts, but by no means past her prime ; and I 
was particularly attracted by the clearness of her complexion. She wore a long 
woollen gown of the most ordinary quality, with a large leathern girdle, whence 
hung suspended a bunch of keys on one side, and on the other a tremendous 
string of beads. As soon as we got a glimpse of her, we made our obeisances 
with all possible reverence. She returned, our salutation with similar good 
breeding, but with an air of modesty, and eyes communing with the ground. 



INTRODUCED TO THE LICENTIATE SEDILLO. 41 

I have been told, said my fellow servant, that the reverend the Licentiate Se- 
dillo wants an honest lad, and I have one at his service with whom he will be 
well satisfied. The superintendent of the household turned up her eyes at these 
words with a significant side glance at me ; and, finding it difficult to reconcile 
my laced jacket with Fabricio's exordium, asked if it was this fine gentleman 
who was come after the place. Yes, said the son of Nunez, it is this interesting 
and engaging youth. Just as you see him, the ups and downs of this transitory 
life have compelled him to wear an epaulette : but fate will have made him 
ample amends, added he with an affected languish, if he is so happy as to be 
an inmate here, and to profit by the society of the virtuous Jacintha. The pa- 
triarch of the Indies might have sighed for the virtuous Jacintha at the head of 
his establishment. At these words, this withered branch of piety withdrew her 
penetrating regards from me, to contemplate this courteous spokesman. Struck 
with certain lines which were not new to her, in his face, I have some floating 
idea of having seen you before, said she ; but my memory wants a lift. Holy 
Jacintha, replied Fabricio, it is enough for me to have been blessed with your 
pious notice. Twice have I been under this venerable roof with my master, 
Signor Manuel Ordonnez, governor of the hospital. Ah ! just so, answered the 
lady chamberlain, I recollect ! You are an old acquaintance. Well-a-day now ! 
Your very belonging to Signor Ordonnez is enough to prove you a youth of merit 
and strict propriety. A servant is known by his place, and this lad could not 
have had a better sponsor. Come along with me ; I will introduce you to Signor 
Sedillo. I am sure he will be glad to engage a lad at your recommendation. 

We followed Dame Jacintha. The canon lived in the lower part of the 
house, in a comfortable suite of wainscotted apartments. She begged us to 
wait a moment in the anti-chamber, while she went into the licentiate's room. 
After some private parley with him, merely that he might know what he was 
about, she came to tell us we might walk in. We kenned the old cripple, im- 
mersed in an elbow chair, with a pillow under his head, cushions under his 
arms, and his legs supported on a large stool, stuffed with down. We were 
no niggards of our bows as we advanced ; and Fabricio, still taking the lead, 
not only repeated over again what he had said to the housekeeper, but set 
about extolling my merit, and expatiated in an especial manner on the honours 
I had gained in the schools under Doctor Godinez on all metaphysical ques- 
tions : as if it was necessary for a prebendary's footman to be as learned as his 
master. However that might be, it served as a tub to the whale. Besides, 
Dame Jacintha did not look forbidding, and my surety received the following 
answer : Friend, I receive into my service the lad you recommend. I like 
him well enough ; and as for his morals, they cannot be much amiss, since he 
presents himself under the wing of a domestic belonging to Signor Ordonnez. 

As soon as Fabricio saw me safe landed, he made a low bow to the prebend- 
ary, a still lower to the lady, and withdrew in high good humour, whispering 
in my ear that we should meet again, and that I had only to make good my 
footing. As soon as he had left the room, the licentiate inquired my name, 
why I had left my native place ; and drew me on by his questions to relate my 
adventures before Dame Jacintha. They were both highly amused, above all 
by my last rencounter. Camilla and Don Raphael gave such play to their 
risible muscles, that I thought old chalkstone would have burst : for, as he 
laughed with all his might, so violent a cough laid hold of him, as went very 
near to have carried him off. His will was not made. What an alarm for the 
housekeeper ! Trembling, distracted, off she flew to the good man's succour, 
and just like a nurse with a puking child, paddled about his forehead and 
tapped him on the back. Luckily it was a false alarm ; the old gentleman left 
off coughing, and the housekeeper tormenting him. When it was over, I was 



42 GIL BLAS. 



for going on with my narrative ; but Dame Jacintha, in awe of a second fit, set 
herself against it. She therefore took me with her out of the room to a ward- 
robe, where, among several suits, was that of my predecessor. This I was to 
take, and leave my own in its room, which I was not sorry to see laid up safe, 
in the hope it might be of further use. After this, we went together to get 
dinner ready. 

I knew what I was about in the art of dressing meat. Dame Leonarda, with 
whom I had served my time, might have passed for a very decent plain cook ; 
but a mere turnspit to dame Jacintha. The latter might almost have borne 
away the bell from the archbishop of Toledo's man. She was mistress of 
everything ; gravy soups, of the most delicious texture and relish ; and, for 
made dishes, she could season them up or soften them down to the most deli- 
cate or voluptuous palate. At dinner-time we returned to his reverence's apart- 
ment. While I was arranging the grand concern close by his arm-chair, the 
lady of all work crammed a napkin under the old boy's chin, and pinned it be- 
hind his back. Without losing a moment, in marched I with a stew, fit to be 
set before the first gourmand in Madrid, and two courses, to have tickled the 
gills of a viceroy, only that Dame Jacintha had touched the spice-box with dis- 
cretion, for fear of exasperating the gout. At the first glimpse of this goodly 
mess, my old master, whom I conceived to have lost the use of his limbs, made 
me to understand that his arms were exempted from the interdict. He availed 
himself of their assistance, to get clear of his pillow and cushions, and proceeded 
gaily to the attack. His hand shook, to be sure ; but somehoAV or other it 
contrived to do its duty. He sent it backwards and forwards fast enough ; 
though it brought but half its cargo to the landing-place at a lading : the table- 
cloth and napkin took toll. I carried off the soup when he had done, and 
brought in a partridge flanked by two roast quails, which Dame Jacintha cut 
up for him. She took care to make him take a good draught of wine, a little 
lowered at proper intervals, out of a large, deep, silver cup, which she held to 
his mouth, as if he had been an infant. He winged the partridge, and came 
down slap-dash upon all the rest of the dishes. When he had done cramming, 
that saint of the saucepan unpinned his napkin, reinstated his pillow and 
cushions ; then, leaving him composed in his arm-chair to the enjoyment of his 
usual nap after dinner, we took away, and demolished the remainder with 
appetites worthy of our master. 

The dinner of to-day was the ordinary bill of fare. Our canon played the 
best knife and fork in the chapter. But the supper was a mere bauble ; seldom 
more than a chicken and a little confectionary. I larded my inside in this 
house, and led a good easy life. There was but one awkward circumstance ; 
and that was sitting up with my master, to save the expense of a nurse. Be- 
sides a strangury, which kept him on the fidget ten times in an hour, he was 
very much given to perspire ; and in that event, I shifted him. Gil Bias, said 
he, on the second night, you are an active, clever fellow ; I foresee that we 
shall jog on very well together. I only just give you a hint to keep in with 
Dame Jacintha ; the girl has been about me for these fifteen years, and 
manages all my little matters ; she comforts my outward man, and I cannot do 
too much for her. For that reason, you are to know, that she is more to me 
than all my family. There is my nephew, my own sister's son ; why, I have 
turned him out of doors, only to please her. He had no regard for the poor 
lass : and so far from giving her credit for all her little assiduities, the saucy 
rascal swore she did not care a farthing for me ! But now-a-days, young people 
think virtue and gratitude all a farce. Heaven be praised, I am rid of the 
varlet. What claim has blood, in comparison with unquestionable attachment ? 
I am influenced by a give-and-take principle in my connections. You are 



GIL BIAS GAINS FA VOUR WITH HIS MASTER. 43 

right, sir, replied I ; gratitude ought to be the first thing, and natural affection 
the last. Ay ! resumed he ; and my will shall be a comment on that text. 
My housekeeper shall be residuary legatee ; and you shall have a corner in a 
codicil, if you go on as well as you have begun. The footman I turned off 
yesterday has lost a good legacy, by not knowing where to hit the right nail on 
the head. If the blockhead had not obliged me, by his ill behaviour, to send 
him packing, I would have made a man of him : but the beggar on horseback 
gave himself airs to Dame Jacintha ! Then master lazy-bones did not like 
sitting up ! I might pass the night as I could, provided he had no trouble with 
me. Oh ! the unfeeling scoundrel ! exclaimed I, in the true spirit of Fabricio, 
he was not a man to be about so good a master. The lad for your money 
should be a humble, but confidential friend ; he should not make a toil of what 
ought to be a pleasure, but think nothing of going through fire and water for 
your ease. 

These professions were not lost upon the licentiate. Neither were my 
assurances of due submission to Dame Jacintha's authority less acceptable. 
Puffing myself off for a servant, who was not afraid of work, I got through my 
business as cheerfully as I could. I never complained of my nursery. Though 
to be sure it was irksome enough ; and if the legacy had not settled my stomach, 
I should have sickened at the nature of my employment. It is true I got some ' 
hours' rest during the day. The housekeeper, to do her justice, was kind 
enough to me ; owing to the insinuating manner in which I wormed myself 
into her good graces. Suppose me at table, with her and her niece Inesilla ! I 
changed their plates, filled their glasses, never thought of my own dinner before 
they had everything they wanted. This was the way to thrive in their esteem. 
One day when Dame Jacintha was gone to market, finding myself alone with 
Inesilla, I began to make myself agreeable. Were her father and mother 
alive ? Oh ! no, answered she ; they have been dead this long, long time ; for 
my good aunt says they have, and I have never seen them. I religiously be- 
lieved the little innocent, though her answer was not of the clearest ; and she 
got into such an humour of talking, as to tell me more than I wanted to know. 
She informed me, or rather I inferred it from her artless simplicity, that her 
good aunt had a good friend, who lived likewise with an old canon. The 
temporalities of the church were under his administration ; and these lucky 
domestics reckoned upon entwining the spoils of their masters round the pillars 
of the hymeneal temple, into whose sanctuary they had penetrated by anticipa- 
tion. Dame Jacintha, as I have said before, though a little stricken in years, 
had still some bloom. To be sure, she spared no pains to cherish it : besides 
daily evacuations, she took plentiful doses of all-powerful jelly. She got her 
sleep in the night too, while I sat up with my master. But what perhaps con- 
tributed most to the freshness of this everlasting flower, was an issue in each 
leg, of which I should never have known, but for that blab Inesilla. 

Ch. II. — The canon 's illness ; his treatment ; the consequence ; the legacy to 
Gil Bias. 

I STAID three months with the Licentiate Sedillo, without complaining of bad 
nights. At the end of that time he fell sick. The distemper was a fever ; and 
it inflamed the gout. For the first time in his life, which had been long, he 
called in a physician. Doctor Sangrado was sent for ; the Hippocrates of 
Valladolid. Dame Jacintha was for sending for the lawyer first, and touched 
that string ; but the patient thought it was time enough, and had a little will of 
his own upon some points. Away I went therefore for Doctor Sangrado ; and 
brought him with me. A tall, withered, wan executioner of the sisters three, 



44 GIL BLAS. 



who had done all their justice for at least these forty years ! This learned 
forerunner of the undertaker had an aspect suited to his office : his words were 
weighed to a scruple ; and his jargon sounded grand in the ears of the unini- 
tiated. His arguments were mathematical demonstrations : and his opinions 
had the merit of originality. 

After studying my masters symptoms, he began with medical solemnity : 
The question here is, to remedy an obstructed perspiration. Ordinary practi- 
tioners, in this case, would follow the old routine of salines, diuretics, volatile 
salts, sulphur and mercury ; but purges and sudorifics are a deadly practice ! 
Chemical preparations are edged tools in the hands of the ignorant. My 
methods are more simple, and more efficacious. What is your usual diet ? I 
live pretty much upon soups, replied the canon, ~nd eat my meat with a 
good deal of gravy. Soups and gravy ! exclaimed the petrified doctor. Upon 
my word, it is no wonder you are ill. High living is a poisoned bait ; a trap 
set by sensuality, to cut short the days of wretched man. We must have done 
with pampering our appetites : the more insipid, the more wholesome. The 
human blood is not a gravy ! Why then you must give it such a nourishment 
as will assimilate with the particles of which it is composed. You drink wine, 
I warrant you ? Yes, said the licentiate, but diluted. Oh ! finely diluted, I 
dare say, rejoined the physician. This is licentiousness with a vengeance ! 
A frightful course of feeding ! Why, you ought to have died years ago. How 
old are you ? I am in my sixty-ninth year, replied the canon. So I thought, 
quoth the practitioner, a premature old age is always the consequence of in- 
temperance. If you had only drank clear water all your life, and had been 
contented with plain food, boiled apples for instance, you would not have been 
a martyr to the gout, and your limbs would have performed their functions 
with lubricity. But I do not despair of setting you on your legs again, pro- 
vided you give yourself up to my management. The licentiate promised to be 
upon his good behaviour. 

Sangrado then sent me for a surgeon of his own choosing, and took from 
him six good porringers of blood, by way of a beginning, to remedy this obsti- 
nate obstruction. He then said to the surgeon ; Master Martin Onez, you will 
take as much more three hours hence, and to-morrow you will repeat the oper- 
ation. It is a mere vulgar error, that the blood is of any use in the system ; 
the faster you draw it off the better. A patient has nothing to do but to keep 
himself quiet ; with him, to live is merely not to die ; he has no more occasion 
for blood than a man in a trance ; in both cases, life consists exclusively in 
pulsation and respiration. When the doctor had ordered these frequent and 
copious bleedings, he added a drench of warm water at very short intervals, 
maintaining that water in sufficient quantities was the grand secret in the 
■materia medica. He then took his leave, telling Dame Jacintha and me, 
with an air of confidence, that he would answer for the patient's life, if his 
system was fairly pursued. The housekeeper, though protesting secretly against 
this new practice, bowed to his superior authority. In fact, we set on the 
kettles in a hurry ; and, as the physician had desired us above all things to give 
him enough, we began with pouring down two or three pints at as many gulps. 
An hour after we beset him again ; then, returning to the attack time after 
time, we fairly poured a deluge into his poor stomach. The surgeon, on the 
other hand, taking out the blood as we put in the water, we reduced the old 
canon to death's door in less than two days. 

This venerable ecclesiastic, able to hold it out no longer, as I pledged him 
in a large glass of his new cordial, said to me in a faint voice — Hold, Gil Bias, 
do not give me any more, my friend. It is plain death will come wher he will 
come, in spite of water ; and, though I have hardly a drop of blood in my veins, 



r 



DEA TH OF S ED ILL O. 45 

I am no better for getting rid of the enemy. The ablest physician in the world 
can do nothing for us, when our time is expired. Fetch a notary ; I will make 
my will. At these last words, pleasing enough to my fancy, I affected to appear 
unhappy ; and concealing my impatience to be gone : Sir, said I, you are not 
reduced so low, thank God, but you may yet recover. No, no, interrupted he, 
my good fellow, it is all over. I feel the gout shifting, and the hand of death 
is upon me. Make haste, and go where I told \pu. I saw, sure enough, that 
he changed every moment : and the case was so urgent, that I ran as fast as I 
could, leaving him in Dame Jacintha's care, who was more afraid than myself 
of his dving without a will. I laid hold of the first notary I could find ; Sir, 
said I, the Licentiate Sedillo, my master, is drawing near his end ; he wants 
to settle his affairs ; there is not a moment to be lost. The notary was a dapper 
little fellow, who loved his joke ; and inquired who was our physician. At 
the name of Doctor Sangrado, hurrying on his cloak and hat : For mercy's 
sake ! cried he, let us set off with all possible speed ; for this doctor dispatches 
business so fast, that our fraternity cannot keep pace with him. That fellow 
spoils half my jobs. 

With this sarcasm, he set forward in good earnest, and, as we pushed on, to 
get the start of the grim tyrant, I said to him : Sir, you are aware that a dying 
testator's memory is sometimes a little short ; should my master chance to for- 
get me, be so good as to put in a word in my favour. That I will, my lad, 
replied the little proctor ; you may rely on it. I will urge something handsome, 
if I have an opportunity. The licentiate, on our arrival, had still all his faculties 
about him. Dame Jacintha was by his bedside, laying in her tears by wholesale. 
She had played her game, and bespoken a handsome remembrance. We left 
the notary alone with my master, and went together into the anti-chamber, 
where we met the surgeon, sent by the physician for another and a last experi- 
ment. We laid hold of him. Stop, Master Martin, said the housekeeper, you 
cannot go into Signor Sedillo' s room just now. He is giving his last orders ; 
but you may bleed away when the will is made. 

We were terribly afraid, this pious gentlewoman and I, lest the licentiate 
should go off with his will half finished; but by good luck, the important deed 
was executed. We saw the proctor come out, who, finding me on the watch, 
slapped me on the shoulder, and said with a simper : Gil Bias is not forgotten. 
At these words, I felt the most lively joy; and was so well pleased with my 
master for his kind notice, that I promised myself the pleasure of praying 
for his soul after death, which event happened anon ; for the surgeon having 
bled him once more, the poor old man, quite exhausted, gave up the ghost 
under the lancet. Just as he was breathing his last, the physician made his 
appearance, and looked a little foolish, notwithstanding the universality of his 
death-bed experience. Yet far from imputing the accident to the new practice, 
he walked off, affirming with intrepidity, that it was owing to their having been 
too lenient with the lancet, and too chary of their warm water. The medical 
executioner, I mean the surgeon, seeing that his functions also were at an end, 
followed Doctor Sangrado. 

As soon as we saw the breath out of our patron's body, Dame Jacintha, 
Inesilla, and myself, joined in a decent chorus of funeral lamentation, loud 
enough to produce a proper effect in the neighbourhood. The emblem of a 
life to come, though she had more reason than any of us to rejoice, took the 
soprano part, and screamed out her afflictions in a most pathetic manner. The 
room in an instant was crowded with people, attracted less by compassion than 
curiosity. The relations of the deceased no sooner got wind of his departure 
than they pounced down upon the premises, and sealed up everything. From 
the housekeepers distress, they thought there was no will; but they soon found 



46 GIL BLAS. 

their mistake, and that there was one without a flaw. "When it was opened, 
and they learned the disposition of the testator's principal property, in favour 
of Dame Jacintha and the little girl, they pronounced his funeral oration in 
terms not a little disparaging to his memory. They gave a broad apostrophe 
at the same time to the godly legatee, and a few blessings to me in my turn. 
It must be owned I had earned them. The licentiate, heaven reward him for 
it, to secure my remembrances through life, expressed himself thus in a para- 
graph of his will — Item, as Gil Bias has already some little smattering of 
lite?-ature, to encourage his studious habits, I give and bequeath to him my library, 
all my books and my mantiscripts, without any drawback or exception. 

I could not conceive where this said library might be; I had never seen 
any. I only knew of some papers, with five or six bound books, on two little 
deal shelves in my master's closet ; and that was my legacy. The books too 
could be of no great use to me ; the title of one was, The complete Man Cook ; 
another, A Treatise on Indigestion, with the Methods of Cure ; the rest were 
the four parts of the breviary, half eaten up by the worms. In the article of 
manuscripts, the most curious consisted of documents relating to a lawsuit in 
which the prebendary was once engaged for his stall. After having examined 
my legacy with more minuteness than it deserved, I made over my right and 
title to these invidious relations. I even renounced my livery, and took back my 
own suit, claiming my wages as my only reward. I then went to look out for 
another place. As for Dame Jacintha, besides her residue under the will, she 
had some snug little articles, which, by the help of her good friend, she had 
appropriated to her own use during the last illness of the licentiate. 

Ch. III. — Gil Bias enters into Doctor Sangradds service, and becomes a 
famous practitioner. 

I determined to throw myself in the way of Signor Arias de Londona, and 
to look out for a new berth in his register ; but as I was on my way to No 
Thoroughfare, who should come across me but Doctor Sangrado, whom I had 
not seen since the day of my master's death. I took the liberty of touching my 
hat. He kenned me in a' twinkling, though I had changed my dress ; and 
with as much warmth as his temperament would allow him ; Hey day ! said 
he, the very lad I wanted to see ; you have never been out of my thought. I 
have occasion for a clever fellow about me, and pitched upon you as the very 
thing, if you can read and write. Sir, replied I, if that is all you require, I am 
your man. In that case, rejoined he, we need look no further. Come home 
Avith me ; it will be all comfort : I shall behave to you like a brother. You 
will have no wages, but everything will be found you. You shall eat and 
drink according to the true faith, and be taught to cure all diseases. In a 
word, you shall rather be my young Sangrado than my footman. 

I closed in with the doctors proposal, in the hope of becoming an Esculapius 
under so inspired a master. He carried me home on the spur of the occasion, 
to instal me in my honourable employment ; which honourable employment 
consisted in writing down the name and residence of the patients who sent fol- 
ium in his absence. There had indeed been a register for this purpose, kept by 
an old domestic ; but she had not the gift of spelling accurately, and wrote a 
most perplexing hand. This account I was to keep. It might truly be called 
a bill of mortality ; for my members all went from bad to worse during the 
short time they continued in this system. I was a sort of book-keeper for the 
other world, to take places in the stage, and to see that the first come were the 
first served. My pen was always in my hand, for Doctor Sangrado had more 
practice than any physician of his time in Valladolid. He had got into repu- 



GIL BIAS IN SANGRADOS SERVICE. 47 

tation with the public by a certain professional slang, humoured by a medical 
face, and some extraordinary cases, more honoured by implicit faith than scru- 
pulous investigation. 

He was in no want of patients, nor consequently of property. He did not 
keep the best house in the world : we lived with some little attention to economy. 
The usual bill of fare consisted of peas, beans, boiled apples or cheese. He 
considered this food as best suited to the human stomach, that is to say, 
as most amenable to the grinders, whence it was to encounter the pro- 
cess of digestion. Nevertheless, easy as was their passage, he was not for 
stopping the way with too much of them : and, to be sure, he was in the right. 
But though he cautioned the maid and me against repletion in respect of solids, 
it was made up by free permission to drink as much water as we liked. Far 
from prescribing us any limits there, he would tell us sometimes — Drink, my 
children ; health consists in the pliability and moisture of the parts. Drink 
water by pails full, it is a universal dissolvent ; water liquefies all the salts. 
Is the course of the blood a little sluggish ? this grand principle sets it forward : 
too rapid ? its career is checked. Our doctor was so orthodox on this head, 
that he drank nothing himself but water, though advanced in years. He 
defined old age to be a natural consumption which dries us up and wastes us 
away : on this principle, he deplored the ignorance of those who call wine 
old men's milk. He maintained that wine wears them out and corrodes them, 
and pleaded with all the force of eloquence against that liquor, fatal in com- 
mon both to the young and old, that friend with a serpent in its bosom, that 
pleasure with a dagger under its girdle. 

In spite of these fine arguments, at the end of a week a looseness ensued, 
with some twinges, which I was blasphemous enough to saddle on the universal 
dissolvent, and the new-fashioned diet. I stated my symptoms to my master, 
in the hope he would relax the rigour of his regimen, and qualify my meals with 
a little wine, but his hostility to that liquor was inflexible. If you have not 
philosophy enough, said he, for pure water, there are innocent infusions to 
strengthen the stomach against the nausea of aqueous quaffings. Sage, for 
example, has a very pretty flavour : and if you wish to heighten it into a de- 
bauch, it is only mixing rosemary, wild poppy, and other simples, but no com- 
pounds. 

In vain did he crack off his water, and teach me the secret of composing 
delicious messes. I was so abstemious, that, remarking my moderation, he 
said — In good sooth, Gil Bias, I marvel not that you are no better than you 
are ; you do not drink enough, my friend. Water taken in a small quantity 
serves only to separate the particles of bile and set them in action ; but our 
practice is to drown them in a copious drench. Fear not, my good lad, lest a 
superabundance of liquid should either weaken or chill your stomach ; far from 
thy better judgment be that silly fear of unadulterated drink. I will ensure 
you against all consequences ; and if my authority will not serve your turn, read 
Celsus. That oracle of the ancients makes an admirable panegyric on water ; 
in short, he says in plain terms that those who plead an inconstant stomach in 
favour of wine, publish a libel on their own bowels, and make their organization 
a pretence for their sensuality. 

As it would have been ungenteel in me to have run riot on my entrance into 
the career of practice, I affected thorough conviction ; indeed, I thought there 
was something in it. I therefore went on drinking water on the authority of 
Celsus, or, to speak in scientific terms, I began to drown the bile in copious 
drenches of that unadulterated liquor ; and though I felt myself more out of 
order from day to day, prejudice won the cause against experience. It is 
evident, therefore, that I was in the right road to the practice of physic. Yet 



GIL BLAS. 



I could not always be insensible to the qualms which increased in my frame, to 
that degree, as to determine me on quitting Doctor Sangrado. But he invested 
me with a new office which changed my tone. Hark you, my child, said he to 
me one day, I am not one of those hard and ungrateful masters, who leave their 
household to grow grey in service without a suitable reward. I am well pleased 
with you, I have a regard for you, and without waiting till you have served your 
time, I will make your fortune. Without more ado, I will initiate you in the 
healing art, of which I have for so many years been at the head. Other phy- 
sicians make the science to consist of various unintelligible branches ; but I will 
shorten the road for you, and dispense with the drudgery of studying natural 
philosophy, pharmacy, botany, and anatomy. Remember, my friend, that 
bleeding and drinking warm water are the two grand principles ; the true 
secret of curing all the distempers incident to humanity. Yes, this marvellous 
secret which I reveal to you, and which nature, beyond the reach of my col- 
leagues, has failed in rescuing from my pen, is comprehended in these two 
articles — namely, bleeding and drenching. Here you have the sum total of my 
philosophy ; you are thoroughly bottomed in medicine, and may raise yourself 
to the summit of fame on the shoulders of my long experience. You may enter 
into partnership at once, by keeping the books in the morning, and going out 
to visit patients in the afternoon. While I dose the nobility and clergv, you 
shall labour in your vocation among the lower orders ; and when you have felt 
your ground a little, I will get you admitted into our body. You are a phi- 
losopher, Gil Bias, though you have never graduated ; the common herd of 
them, though they have graduated in due form and order, are likely to run out 
the length of their tether without knowing their right hand from their left. 

I thanked the doctor for having so speedily enabled me to serve as his deputy ; 
and, by way of acknowledging his goodness, promised to follow his system to 
the end of my career, with a magnanimous indifference about the aphorisms of 
Hippocrates. But that engagement was not to be taken to the letter. This 
tender attachment to water went against the grain, and I had a scheme for 
drinking wine every day snugly among the patients. I left off wearing my own 
suit a second time, to take up one of my master's, and look like an inveterate 
practitioner. After which I brought my medical theories into play, leaving them 
to look to the event whom it might concern. I began on an alguazil in a 
pleurisy ; he was condemned to be bled with the utmost rigour of the law, at 
the same time that the system was to be replenished copiously with water. Next 
I made a lodgment in the veins of a gouty pastry-cook, who roared like a lion 
by reason of gouty spasms. I stood on no more ceremony with his blood than 
with that of the alguazil, and laid no restriction on his taste for simple liquids. 
My prescriptions brought me in twelve rials ; an incident so auspicious in my 
professional career, that I only wished for the plagues of Egypt on all the hale 
subjects of Valladolid. As I was coming out of the pastry-cook's whom should 
I meet but Fabricio, a total stranger since the death of the licentiate Sedillo ! 
He looked at me with astonishment for some seconds ; then set up a laugh with 
all his might, and held his sides. He had no reason to be grave, for I had a 
cloak trailing on the ground, with a doublet and breeches of four times un- 
natural dimensions. I was certainly a complete original. I suffered him to 
make merry as long as he liked, and could scarcely help joining in the ridicule ; 
but I kept a guard on my muscles to preserve a becoming dignity in public, and 
the better to enact the physician, whose part in society is not that of a buffoon. 
If the absurdity of my appearance excited Fabricio's merriment, my affected 
gravity added zest to it ; and when he had nearly exhausted his lungs — By all 
the powers, Gil Bias, quoth he, thou art in complete masquerade. Who the 
devil has dressed you up in this manner ? Fair and softly, my friend, replied I, 



GIL BIAS PRACTISING PHYSIC. 49 

fair and softly, be a little on your good behaviour with a modern Hippocrates. 
Understand me to be the substitute of Doctor Sangrado, the most eminent phy- 
sician in Valladolid. I have lived with him these three weeks. He has bot- 
tomed me thoroughly in medicine ; and, as he cannot perform the obsequies of 
all the patients who send for him, I visit a part of them to take the burden off 
his conscience. He does execution in great families, I among the vulgar. 
Vastly well, replied Fabricio ; that is to say, he grants you a lease on the blood 
of the commonalty, but keeps to himself the fee-simple of the fashionable world. 
I wish you joy of your lot ; it is a pleasant er line of practice among the populace 
than among great folk. Long live a snug connection in the suburbs ! a man's 
mistakes are easily buried, and his murders elude all but God's revenge. Yes, 
my brave boy, your destiny is truly enviable ; in the language of Alexander, 
were I not Fabricio, I could wish to be Gil Bias. 

To show the son of Nunez, the barber, that he was not much out in his 
reckoning on my present happiness, I chinked the fees of the alguazil and the 
pastry-cook ; and this was followed by an adjournment to a tavern, to drink 
to their perfect recovery. The wine was very fair, and my impatience for the 
well-known smack made me think it better than it was. I took some good 
long draughts, and without gainsaying the Latin oracle, in proportion as I 
poured it into its natural reservoir, I felt my accommodating entrails to owe me 
no grudge for the hard service into which I pressed them. As for Fabricio and 
myself, we sat some time in the tavern, making merry at the expense of our 
masters, as servants are too much accustomed to do. At last, seeing the night 
approach, we parted, after engaging to meet at the same place on the following 
day after dinner. 

Ch. IV. — Gil Bias goes on practising physic zvith equal success and ability. 
Adventure of the recovered ring. 

. I was no sooner at home than Doctor Sangrado came in. I talked to him 
about the patients I had seen, and paid into his hands eight remaining rials of the 
twelve I had received for my prescriptions. Eight rials ! said he, as he counted 
them, mighty little for two visits ! But we must take things as we find them. 
In the spirit of taking things as he found them, he laid violent hands on six, 
giving me the other two — Here, Gil Bias, continued he, see what a foundation 
to build upon. I make over to you the fourth of all you may bring me. You 
will soon feather your nest, my friend ; for, by the blessing of Providence, there 
will be a great deal of ill health this year. 

I had reason to be content with my dividend ; since, having determined to 
keep back the third part of what I received in my rounds, and afterwards touch- 
ing another fourth of the remainder, half of the whole, if arithmetic is anything 
more than a deception, would become my perquisite. This inspired me with 
new zeal for my profession. The next day, as soon as I had dined, I resumed 
my medical paraphernalia, and took the field once more. I visited several 
patients on the list, and treated their several complaints in one invariable routine. 
Hitherto things went on under the rose, and no individual, thank heaven, had 
risen up in rebellion against my prescriptions. But let a physician's cures be as 
extraordinary as they will, some quack or other is always ready to rip up his re- 
putation. I was. called in to a grocer's son in a dropsy. Whom should I find 
there before me but a little black-looking physician, by name Doctor Cuchillo, 
introduced by a relation of the family. I bowed round most profoundly, but 
dipped lowest to the personage whom I took to have been invited to a consult- 
ation with me. He returned my compliment with a distant air; then, having 
stared me in the face for a few seconds — Signor Doctor, said he, I beg pardon 



50 GIL BLAS. 



for being inquisitive, I thought I had been acquainted with all my brethren in 
Valladolid, but I confess your physiognomy is altogether new. You must have 
been settled but a short time in town. I avowed myself a young practitioner, 
acting as yet under the direction of Doctor Sangrado. I wish you joy, replied 
he politely, you are studying under a great man. You must doubtless have 
seen a vast deal of sound practice, young as you appear to be. He spoke this 
with so easy an assurance, that I was at a loss whether he meant it seriously, or 
was laughing at me. While I was conning over my reply, the grocer, seizing 
on the opportunity, said — Gentlemen, I am persuaded of your both being per- 
fectly competent in your art ; have the goodness without ado to take the case 
in hand, and devise some effectual means for the restoration of my son's health. 

Thereupon the little pulse-counter set himself about reviewing the patient's 
situation ; and after having dilated to me on all the symptoms, asked me what 
I thought the fittest method of treatment. I am of opinion, replied I, that he 
should be bled once a day, and drink as much warm water as he can swallow. 
At these words, our diminutive doctor said to me with a malicious simper — And 
so you think such a course will save the patient ? Never doubt it, exclaimed I 
in a confident tone ; it must produce that effect, because it is a certain method 
of cure for all distempers. Ask Signor Sangrado. At that rate, retorted he, 
Celsus is altogether in the wrong ; for he contends that the readiest way to cure 
a dropsical subject is to let him almost die of hunger and thirst. Oh ! as for 
Celsus, interrupted I, he is no oracle of mine, as fallible as the meanest of us ; 
I often have occasion to bless myself for going contrary to his dogmas. I dis- 
cover by your language, said Cuchillo, the safe and sure method of practice 
Doctor Sangrado instils into his pupils. Bleeding and drenching are the extent 
of his resources. No wonder so many worthy people are cut off under his di- 
rection No defamation ! interrupted I with some acrimony ; a member 

of the faculty had better not begin throwing stones. Come, come, my learned 
doctor, patients can get to the other world without bleeding and warm water ; 
and I question whether the most deadly of us has ever signed more passports 
than yourself. If you have any crow to pluck with Signor Sangrado, write 
against him, he will answer you, and we shall soon see who will have the best 
of the battle. By all the saints in the calendar ! swore he, in a transport of 
passion, you little know whom you are talking to. I have a tongue and a fist, 
my friend ; and am not afraid of Sangrado, who, with all his arrogance and 
affectation, is but a ninny. The size of the little death-dealer made me hold 
his anger cheap. I gave him a sharp retort ; he sent back as good as I brought, 
till at last we came to cuffs. We had pulled a few handfuls of hair from each 
other's heads before the grocer and his kinsman could part us. W T hen they had 
brought this about, they feed me for my attendance, and retained my antagonist, 
whom they thought the more skilful of the two. 

Another adventure succeeded close on the heels of this. I went to see a 
huge chanter in a fever. As soon as he heard me talk of warm water, he 
showed himself so averse to this specific, as to fall into a fit of swearing. He 
abused me in all possible shapes, and threatened to throw me out at window. I 
was in a greater hurry to get out of his house than to get in. I did not choose to 
see any more patients that day, and repaired to the inn where I had agreed to 
meet Fabricio. He was there first. As we found ourselves in a tippling hu- 
mour, we drank hard, and returned to our employers in a pretty pickle, that is 
to say, so-so in the upper story. Signor Sangrado was not aware of my being 
drunk, because he took the lively gestures which accompanied the relation of 
my quarrel with the little doctor, for an effect of the agitation not yet subsided 
after the battle. Besides, he came in for his share in my report ; and feeling 
himself nettled by Cuchillo — You have done well, Gil Bias, said he, t4 defend 



THE EXCELLENCE OF WATER. 



the character of our practice against this little abortion of the faculty. So he 
takes upon him to set his face against watery drenches in dropsical cases ? An 
ignorant fellow ! I maintain, I do, in my own person, that the use of them 
may be reconciled to the best theories. Yes, water is a cure for all sorts of 
dropsies, just as it is good for rheumatisms and the green sickness. It is excel- 
lent, too, in those fevers where the effect is at once to parch and to chill, and even 
miraculous in those disorders ascribed to cold, thin, phlegmatic, and pituitous 
humours. This opinion may seem strange to young practitioners like Cuchillo ; 
but it is right orthodox in the best and soundest systems : so that if persons of 
that description were capable of taking a philosophical view, instead of crying 
me down, they would become my most zealous advocates. 

In his rage, he never suspected me of drinking : for, to exasperate him still 
more against the little doctor, I had thrown into my recital some circumstances 
of my own addition. Yet, engrossed as he was by what I had told him, he 
could not help taking notice that I drank more water than usual that pvening. 

In fact, the wine had made me very thirsty. Any one but Sangrado would 
have distrusted my being so very dry, as to swallow down glass after glass : 
but as for him, he took it for granted, in the simplicity of his heart, that I began 
to acquire a relish for aqueous potations. Apparently, Gil Bias, said he with 
a gracious smile, you have no longer such a dislike to water. As heaven is my 
judge ! you quaff it off like nectar. It is no wonder, my friend, I was certain 
you would take a liking to that liquor. Sir, replied I, there is a tide in the 
affairs of men : with my present lights, I would give all the wine in Valladolid 
for a pint of water. This answer delighted the doctor, who would not lose so 
fine an opportunity of expatiating on the excellence of water. He undertook to 
ring the changes once more in its praise, not like a hireling pleader, but as an 
enthusiast in the cause. A thousand times, exclaimed he, a thousand and a 
thousand times of greater value, as being more innocent than our modern 
taverns, were those baths of ages past, whither the people went not shamefully 
to squander their fortunes and expose their lives, by swilling themselves with 
wine, but assembled there for the decent and economical amusement of drink- 
ing warm water. It is difficult enough to admire the patriotic forecast of those 
ancient politicians, who established places of public resort, where water wjts 
dealt out gratis to all comers, and who confined wine to the shops of the 
apothecaries, that its use might be prohibited but under the direction of phy- 
sicians. What a stroke of wisdom ! It is doubtless to preserve the seeds of 
that antique frugality, emblematic of the golden age, that persons are found 
to this day, like you and me, who drink nothing but water, and are persuaded 
they possess a prevention or a cure for every ailment, provided our warm water 
has never boiled ; for I have observed"that water, when it has boiled, is heavier, 
and sits less easily on the stomach. 

While he was holding forth thus eloquently, I was in danger more than once 
of splitting my sides with laughing. But I contrived to keep my countenance : 
nay, more ; to chime in with the doctor's theory. I found fault with the use 
of wine, and pitied mankind for having contracted an untoward relish to so 
pernicious a beverage. Then, finding my thirst not sufficiently allayed, I filled 
a large goblet with water, and after having swilled it like a horse : Come, sir, 
said I to my master, let us drink plentifully of this beneficial liquor. Let us 
make those early establishments of dilution you so much regret, to live again in 
your house. He clapped his hands in ecstacy at these words, and preached to 
me for a whole hour about suffering no liquid but water to pass my lips. To 
confirm the habit, I promised to drink a large quantity every evening; and, to 
keep my word with less violence to my private inclinations, I -went to bed with a 
determine purpose of going to the tavern every day. 



52 GIL BLAS. 



The trouble I had got into at the grocer's did not discourage me from phle- 
botomizing and prescribing warm water in the usual course. Coming out of 
a house where I had been visiting a poet in a phrenzy, I was accosted in the 
street by an old woman who came up and asked me if I was a physician. I 
said yes. As that is the case, replied she, I entreat you with all humility to go 
along with me. My niece has been ill since yesterday, and I cannot conceive 
what is the matter with her. I followed the old lady to her house, where I 
was shown into a very decent room, occupied by a female who kept her bed. 
I went near, to consider her case. Her features struck me from the first ; and 
I discovered beyond the possibility of a mistake, after having looked at her 
some little time, the she-adventurer who had played the part of Camilla so 
adroitly. For her part, she did not seem to recollect me at all, whether from 
the oppression of her disorder, or from my dress as a physician rendering me 
not easy to be known again. I took her by the hand, to feel her pulse ; and 
saw my ring upon her finger. I was all in a twitter at the discovery of a 
valuable, on which I had a claim both in law and equity. Great was my 
longing to make a snatch at it ; but considering that these fair ones would set 
up a great scream, and that Don Raphael or some other defender of injured 
innocence might rush in to their rescue, I laid an embargo on my privateering. 
I thought it best to come by my own in an honest way, and to consult Fabricio 
about the means. To this last course I stuck. In the mean time the old 
woman urged me to inform her with what disease her niece was troubled. I 
was not fool enough to own my ignorance ; on the contrary, I took upon my- 
self as a man of science, and after my master's example, pronounced solemnly 
that the disorder accrued to the patient from the defect of natural perspiration ; 
that consequentiy she must lose blood as soon as possible, because if we could 
not open one pore, we always open another : and I finished my prescription 
with warm water, to do the thing methodically. 

I shortened my visit as much as possible, and ran to the son of Nunez, whom 
I met just as he was going out on an errand for his master. I told him my 
new adventure, and asked his advice about laying an information against 
Camilla. Pooh ! Nonsense ! replied he ; that would not be the way to get 
your ring again. Those gentry think restitution double trouble. Call to mind 
your imprisonment at Astorga ; your horse, your money, your very clothes, did 
not they all centre in the hands of justice ? We must rather set our wits to 
work for the recovery of your diamond. I take on myself the charge of in- 
venting some stratagem for that purpose. I will deliberate on it in my way to 
the hospital, where I have to say but two words from my master to the purveyor. 
Do you wait for me at our house of call, and do not be on the fret : I will be 
with you shortly. 

I had waited, however, more than three hours at the appointed place, when 
he arrived. I did not know him again at first. Besides that he had changed 
his dress and platted his hair, a pair of false whiskers covered half his face. He 
wore an immense sword with a hilt of at least three feet in circumference, and 
marched at the head of five men of as swaggering an air as himself, with bushy 
whiskers and long rapiers. Good day to you, Signor Gil Bias, said he by way 
of salutation ; behold an alguazil upon a new construction, and marshalmen 
of like materials in these brave fellows my companions. We have only to be 
shown where the woman lodges who purloined the diamond, and we will obtain 
restitution, take my word for it. I hugged Fabricio at this discourse, which let 
me into the plot, and testified loudly my approval of the expedient. I paid my 
respects also to the masquerading marshalmen. They were three servants and 
two journeymen barbers of his acquaintance, whom he had engaged to act this 
farce. I ordered wine to be served round to the detachment, and we all went 



ADVENTURE OF THE STOLEN RING. 53 

together at night-fall to Camilla's residence. The door was shut, and we knocked. 
The old woman, taking my companions to be on the scent of justice, and knowing 
they would not come into that neighbourhood for nothing, was terribly fright- 
ened. Cheer up again, good mother, said Fabricio ; we are only come here 
upon a little business which will be soon settled. At these words we made our 
entry, and found our way to the sick chamber, under the guidance of the old 
dowager who walked before us, and by favour of a wax taper which she carried 
in a silver candlestick. I took the light, went to the bed-side, and, making 
Camilla take particular notice of my features, Traitress, said I, call to mind the 
too credulous Gil Bias whom you have deceived. Ah ! thou wickedness per- 
sonified, at last I have caught thee. The corregidor has taken down my depo- 
sition, and ordered this alguazil to arrest you. Come, officer, said I to Fabricio, 
do your duty. There is no need, replied he, swelling his voice, to inflame my 
severity. The face of that wretch is not new to me : she has long been marked 
with red letters in my pocket-book. Get up, my princess, dress your royal 
person with all possible dispatch. I will be your squire, and lodge you in dur- 
ance vile, if you have no objection. 

At' these words, Camilla, ill as she was, observing two marshalmen with 
large whiskers ready to drag her out of bed by main force, sat up of herself, 
clasped her hands in an attitude of supplication ; and looking at me ruefully, 
said, Signor Gil Bias, have compassion on me : I call as a witness to my en- 
treaties the chaste mother whose virtues you inherit. Guilty as I am, my mis- 
fortunes are greater than my crimes. I will give you back your diamond, so do 
not be my ruin. Speaking to this effect, she drew my ring from her finger, and 
gave it me back. But I told her my diamond was not enough, and that she 
must refund the thousand ducats they had embezzled in the ready-furnished 
lodging. Oh ! as for your ducats, replied she, ask me not about them. That 
false-hearted deceiver, Don Raphael, whom I have not seen from that time to 
this, carried them off the very same night. O ho ! my little darling, said Fa- 
bricio in his turn, that will not do, you had a hand in the robbery, whether you 
went snacks in the profit or no. You will not come off so cheaply. Your 
having been accessary to Don Raphael's manoeuvres is enough to render you 
liable to an examination. Your past life is very equivocal ; and you must have 
a good deal upon your conscience. You will have the goodness, if you please, 
just to step into the town jail, and there unburden yourself by a general con- 
fession. This good old lady shall keep you company ; it is hard if she cannot 
tell a world of curious stories, such as Mr Corregidor will be delighted to hear. 

The two women, at these words, brought every engine of pity into play to 
soften us. They filled the air with cries, complaints, and lamentations. While 
the old woman on her knees, sometimes to the alguazil and sometimes to his 
attendants, endeavoured to melt their stubborn hearts, Camilla implored me, in 
the most touching tenns, to save her from the hands of justice. I pretended to 
relent. Officer, said I to the son of Nunez, since I have got my diamond, I do 
not much care about anything else. It would be no pleasure to me to be the 
means of pain to that poor woman ; I want not the death of a sinner. Out 
upon you, answered he, you set up for humanity ! you -would make a bad tip- 
staff. I must do my errand. My positive orders are to arrest these virgins of 
the sun ; his honour the corregidor means to make an example of them. Nay ! 
for mercy's sake, replied I, pay some little deference to my wishes, and slacken 
a little of your severity, on the ground of the present, these ladies are on the 
point of offering to your acceptance. Oh ! that is another matter, rejoined he ; 
that is what you may call a figure of rhetoric suited to all capacities and all 
occasions. Well, then, let us see, what have they to give me ? I have a pearl 
necklace, said Camilla, and drop ear-rings of considerable value. Yes ; but, 



54 GIL BLAS. 



interrupted he roughly, if these articles are the produce of the Philippine Isles, 
I will have none of them. You may take them in perfect. safety, replied she : 
I warrant them real. At the same time she made the old woman bring a little 
box, whence she took out the necklace and ear-rings, which she put within the 
grasp of this incorruptible minister. Though he was much such a judge of 
jewellery as myself, he had no doubt of the drops being real, as well as the 
pearls. These trinkets, said he, after having looked at them minutely, seem to 
be of good quality and fashion : and if the silver candlestick is thrown into the 
bargain, I would not answer for my own honesty. You had better not, said I 
in my turn to Camilla, for a trifle, reject so moderate and fair a composition. 
While uttering these words, I returned the taper to the old woman, and handed 
the candlestick over to Fabricio, who, stopping there because perhaps he espied 
nothing else that was portable in the room, said to the two women : Farewell, 
my dainty misses, set your hearts at rest, I will report you to his worship the 
corregidor, as purer than unsmutched snow. We can turn him round our finger ; 
and never tell him the truth, but when we are not paid for our lies. 

Ch. V. — Sequel of the foregoing adventure. Gil Bias retires from practice, 
atidfrom the neighbourhood of Valladolid. 

After having thus carried Fabricio's plan into effect, we took our leave of 
Camilla's lodging, hugging ourselves on a success beyond our expectation ; for 
we had only reckoned on the ring. We carried off without ceremony all we 
could get besides. Far from making it a point of conscience not to steal from 
a description of ladies whose names are commonly associated with rogues, we 
thought to cover some scores of other sins by so meritorious an action. Gentle- 
men, said Fabricio, when we were in the street, my counsel is for returning to 
our tavern, and devoting the night to a regale. To-morrow we will sell the 
candlestick, the necklace, the drop ear-rings, and then share the prize money 
like brother adventurers, after which every man shall tramp home again, and 
make the best excuse he can to his master. His worship the alguaziPs idea 
seemed equally bright and judicious. We returned rank and file to the tavern, 
some in the pious hope of finding a plausible excuse for having slept abroad, 
others in a desperate indifference about being turned out of doors without a 
character. 

We ordered a good supper to be got ready, and sat down to table with our 
physical and mental powers in full vigour. The relish was heightened by a 
thousand pleasant anecdotes. Fabricio, of all men in the world, having the 
happy knack of a chairman in a company of jovial spirits, kept the table in a 
roar. There escaped from him I know not how many charges of true Castilian 
wit, worth more either in the schools of philosophy or the exchange of com- 
merce than the drug of Attic salt. While we were in a full peal of laughter, 
we were made to laugh on the other side of our mouths by an unforeseen occur- 
rence. There appeared at table a man of no contemptible prowess, followed 
by two other as ill-looking dogs as ever existed. After this specimen we had 
three others, and reckoned up to a dozen, marching in by triplets. They were 
armed with carbines, swords, and bayonets. We could not mistake their office, 
and were at no loss to guess their business. At first we had a mind to be re- 
fractory ; but they beset us in an instant, and kept us under, as much by their 
numbers as by their weapons. Gentlemen, said the captain commandant in a 
jeering strain, I have been informed by what ingenious artifice you have recovered 
a ring from the custody of a lady no better than she should be. Undoubtedly, 
the device was admirable, and well deserves a civic crown ; the patriotism of our 
police will not be found wanting. Justice, with her lodgings to let for gentry of 



L 



GIL BLAS SENT TO PRISON. 55 

your description, will not be deficient in her acknowledgments for so brilliant a 
display of genius. The company to whom this introductory address was directed, 
looked a little sheepish on the occasion. Our countenances fell ; and Camilla 
had her full revenge. Fabricio, however, though pale and puzzled, made an 
attempt at a defence. Sir, said he, we did it in the innocence of our hearts, and 
of course we shall be forgiven this not immoral fraud ? What the devil, replied 
the commandant in a rage, do you call this a not immoral fraud ? Moral or 
immoral, it may bring you to the gallows. Besides that the power of restitution 
is too sacred to be assumed by the individual, you have made away with a can- 
dlestick, a necklace, and a pair of drop ear-rings : and what is worse, you have 
committed your rascalities in the livery of the law. Scoundrels dressing them- 
selves up like the pillars of morality to undermine its very foundation ! I shall 
wish you much joy if you are condemned to nothing worse than mowing the 
salt marsh. When he had impressed it on our convictions that the affair was 
even more serious than our first fears, we threw ourselves on his mercy, and 
implored him to have pity on our tender years, but his stubborn heart was relent- 
less. He rejected moreover the proposal of relinquishing the necklace, ear-rings, 
and candlestick ; nay, he was deaf to the rhetoric of my ring : perhaps because I 
offered it before too many witnesses : in short, he was the most obdurate dog of 
his kennel. He ordered my companions to be handcuffed, and sent us in a body 
to the public prison. As we were on our way, one of the marshalmen acquainted 
me that Camilla's old vixen, suspecting us not to be licensed scouts of justice, 
had dogged us to the tavern ; and having satisfied her doubts, in revenge informed 
against us to the patrole. 

We were searched in the first instance. Away went the necklace, the ear- 
rings, and the candlestick. They picked my pocket of my ring, and my ruby of 
the Philippine Isles ; without even sparing the few fees I had received in the 
forenoon for my prescriptions : so that it was plain trade was carried on by the 
same firm at Valladolid as at Astorga, and that all these reformers held the 
same creed. While they rifled me of my trinkets and money, the lord in wait- 
ing of the patrole made known our adventure to the inferior agents of legal 
rapine. The trespass appeared so audacious that the majority voted it capital. 
A few kind souls were of opinion that we might come off for two hundred lashes 
a piece, with a few years on board the galleys. Waiting his worship's sentence, 
we were locked up in a cell, where we lay upon straw, spread over our stable 
like a litter for horses. There might we have foddered for an age, and at last 
have been turned out to grass in the galleys, if on the morrow Signor Manuel 
Ordonnez had not got wind of our affair, and determined to release Fabricio ; 
which he could not do without making a general gaol delivery. He was a man 
of the first credit in the town : his interest was exerted for us, and partly by his 
own influence, and partly by that of his friends, he obtained our enlargement 
at the end of three days. But the period of delivery is always moulting time 
with gaol birds ; the candlestick, the necklace, the ear-rings, my ring, and the 
ruby, all was left behind. One could not help repeating those excellent lines of 
Virgil, beginning with Sic vos non vobis. 

As soon as we were at liberty we returned to our masters. Doctor Sangrado 
received me kindly ; My poor Gil Bias, said he, it was but this morning I was 
acquainted with thy misfortune. I was just setting about an active canvass 
for thee. We must derive comfort from adversity, my friend, and attach our- 
selves more than ever to the practice of physic. I affirmed that to be my 
intention ; and in truth I laid about me. Far from wanting employment, it 
happened by a kind providence, as my master had foretold, to be a very sickly 
season. The smallpox and a malignant fever took alternate possession of the 
town and the suburbs. All the physicians in Valladolid had their share of 



GIL BLAS. 



business, and we not the least. We saw eight or ten patients a day ; so that 
the kettle was kept on the simmer, and the blood in the action of transpiring. 
But things will happen cross ; they died to a man, either by our fault or their 
own. If their case was hopeless, we were not to blame ; and if it was not 
hopeless, they were. Three visits to a patient was the length of our tether. 
About the second, we sometimes ran foul of the undertaker ; or when we 
had been more fortunate than usual, the patient had got no further than the 
point of death. As I was but a young physician, not yet hardened to the trade 
of an assassin, I grieved over the melancholy issue of my own theory and 
practice. Sir, said I, one evening to Doctor Sangrado, I call heaven to wit- 
ness on the spot that I have never strayed from your infallible method ; and 
yet I have never saved a patient : one would think they died out of spite, and 
were on the other side of the great medical question. This very day I came 
across two of them, going into the country to be buried. My good lad, replied 
he, my experience nearly comes to the same point. It is but seldom I have the 
pleasure of curing my kind and partial friends. If I had less confidence in my 
principles, I should think my prescriptions had set their faces against the work 
they were intended to perform. If you will take a hint, sir, replied I, we had 
better vary our system. Let us give, by way of experiment, chemical prepara- 
tions to our patients ; the worst they can do is to tread in the steps of our pure 
dilutions and our phlebotomizing evacuations. I would willingly give it a trial, 
rejoined he, if it were a matter of indifference, but I have published on the 
practice of bleeding and the use of drenches : would you have me cut the 
throat of my own fame as an author ! Oh ! you are in the right, resumed I ; 
our enemies must not gain this triumph over us ; they would say that you were 
out of conceit with your own systems, and would ruin your reputation for con- 
sistency. Perish the people, perish rather our nobility and clergy ! But let us 
go on in the old path. After all, our brethren of the faculty, with all their ten- 
derness about bleeding, have no patent for longevity any more than ourselves ; 
and we may set off their drugs against our specifics. 

We went on working double tides, and did so much execution, that in less 
than six weeks we made as many widows and orphans as the siege of Troy. 
The plague must have got into Valladolid by the number of funerals. Day 
after day came some father or other to know what was become of his son, who 
was last seen in our hands ; or else a stupid fellow of an uncle, who had a 
foolish hankering after a deceased nephew. With respect to the nephews and 
sons, on whose uncles and fathers we had equalized our system of destruction, 
they thought that least said was soonest mended. Husbands were altogether 
on their good behaviour, they would not split a hair about the loss of a wife or 
two. The real sufferers to whose reproaches we were exposed, were sometimes 
quite savage in their grief; without being mealy-mouthed in their expressions, 
they called us blockheads and assassins. I was concerned at their bad language ; 
but my master, who was up to every circumstance, listened to their abuse with 
the utmost indifference. Yet I might have grown as callous as himself to 
populac reproach, if heaven, interposing its shield between the invalids of Val- 
ladolid and one of their scourges, had not providentially raised up an inci- 
dent to disgust me with medicine, which from the outset had been disgusted 
with me. 

The idle fellows about town assembled every day in our neighbourhood for 
a game at tennis. Among the number was one of those professed bullies who 
set up for great Dons, and are the complete cocks of the tennis-court. He was 
a Biscayan, and assumed the title of Don Roderic de Mondragon. His age 
might be about thirty. His size was somewhat above the common, but he 
was lean and bony. Besides two sparkling little eyes rolling about in his head, 



LEA VES DR SANGRADO. 57 

and throwing out defiance against all bystanders, a very broad nose came in 
between a pair of red whiskers, which turned up like a hook as high as the 
temples. His phraseology was so rough and uncouth that the very sound of 
his voice would throw a quiet man into an ague. This tyrant over both the 
rackets and the game was lord paramount in all disputes between the players ; 
and there was no appeal from his decisions, but at the risk of receiving a challenge 
the riext day. Precisely as I have draAvn Signor Don Roderic, whom the Don 
in the foreground of his titles could never make a gentleman, Signor Don 
Roderic was sweet upon the mistress of the tennis-court. She was a woman of 
forty, in good circumstances, as charming as forty can well be, just entering on 
the second year of her widowhood. I know not how he made himself agree- 
able ; certainly not by his exterior recommendations, but probably by that within 
which passeth show. However that might be, she took a fancy to him, and 
began to turn her thoughts towards the holy state of matrimony ; but while 
that great event was in agitation, for the punishment of her sins she was taken 
with a malignant fever, and with me for a physician. Had the disorder been 
ever so slight, my practice would have made a serous job of it. At the expir- 
ation of four days there was not a dry eye in the tennis-court. The mistress 
joined the outward-bound colony of my patients, and her family administered to 
her effects. Don Roderic, distracted at the loss of his mistress, or rather disap- 
pointed of a good establishment, was not satisfied with fretting and fuming at 
me, but swore he would run me through the body, or even frown me into a 
nonentity. A good-natured neighbour apprised me of this vow, with a cau- 
tion to keep at home, for fear of coming across this devil of a fellow. This 
warning, though taken in good part, was a source of anxiety and apprehen- 
sion. I was eternally fancying the enraged Biscayan laying siege to the out- 
works of my citadel. There was no getting a moment's respite from alarm. 
This circumstance weaned me from the practice of medicine, and I thought of 
nothing but deliverance from my horrors. On went my embroidered suit once 
more. Taking leave of my master, who did all he could to detain me, I got 
out of town with the dawn, not heedless of that terrible Don Roderic, who 
might waylay me on the road. 

Ch. VI. — His route from Valladolid, with a description of his fellow-traveller. 

I trudged on at a great rate, and looked behind from time to time, to see if 
that dreadful Biscayan was not following me. My imagination was so engrossed 
by the fellow, that he haunted me in every tree and bush ; my heart was in my 
mouth for fear at every foot-fall. But I took courage again at the distance of 
about a league, and went on more gently towards Madrid, whither I proposed 
directing my steps. I had n© attachment to Valladolid. All my regret was at 
tearing myself from Fabricio, my dear Pylades, of whom I had not so much as 
taken my leave. It was no grievance to give up physic ; on the contrary, I 
prayed heaven to forgive me for having tampered with it. Yet I did not count 
over the contents of my purse with less pleasure, because they were the wages 
of murder. In this I took after those ladies who retire with a fortune to lead 
pious lives, and think it hard if they may not fatten religiously on the hard 
earnings of their libertine profession. I had, in rials, somewhere about the 
value of five ducats, and this was the sum total of my property. With these I 
designed repairing to Madrid, where I had no doubt of finding a good service. 
Besides, I wished above all things to be in that magnificent city, the boasted 
epitome of the world and all its wonders. 

While I was recollecting what I had heard of it, and enjoying beforehand the 
pleasures it affords, I heard the voice of a man coming after me, and singing 



58 GIL BLAS. 



till he had scraped his throat. He had a wallet on his back, a guitar suspended 
from his neck, and a long sword by his side. He got on at such a rate, as 
soon to overtake me. Who should it be but one of the two journeymen barbers 
with whom I had been in gaol for the adventure of the ring. We knew one 
another at once, though we had shifted our dresses, and were in a thousand 
marvels at meeting so unexpectedly on the highway. If I testified my delight 
at having such a fellow-traveller, he seemed on his side to feel an excess of 
rapture at the renewal of our acquaintance. I told him why I had left Valla- 
dolid, and he trusted his own secret to me in return, by stating himself to have 
had a little brush with his master, on which they had taken an everlasting leave 
of one another. Had it been my pleasure, continued he, to have taken up my 
abode longer in Valladolid, ten shops would take me in for one that would 
have turned me out ; since, vanity apart, I may safely say there is not a barber 
in all Spain better qualified to shave all sorts of beards, with the grain or 
against the grain, and to curl a pair of whiskers. But I could no longer fight 
against a hankering after my native place, whence I departed full ten years 
since. I wish to inhale a little of my own country air, and to leam the present 
situation of my family. I shall be ajnong them the day after to-morrow, at a 
place called Olmedo, a populous village on this side of Segovia. 

I resolved on accompanying this barber home, and going to Segovia for the 
chance of a cast to Madrid. We began entertaining one another with indiffer- 
ent subjects as we went along. The young fellow was perfectly good-humoured, 
with a ready wit. After an hour's conversation, he asked me if I was hungry. 
I referred him to the first house of call for my answer. To stop dilapidations 
till we get there, said he, we may renew our term by a little breakfast from my 
wallet. When I am on a journey I am always my own caterer. None of 
your woollen drapery, nor linen draper)-, nor any of your frippery or trumpery. 
I hate ostentation. My wallet contains nothing but a little exercise for my 
grinders, my razors, and a wash-ball. I extolled his discretion, and agreed 
with all my heart to the bargain he proposed. My appetite waS keen and 
sharp set for a comfortable meal ; after what he had said, I could expect no 
less. We drew aside a little from the high road, and sat down upon the grass. 
There my little journeyman barber laid out his provisions, consisting of five or 
six onions, with some scraps of bread and cheese ; but the best lot in the 
auction was a little leathern bottle, full, as he said, of choice, delicate wine. 
Though the solids were not very relishing, the calls of hunger did not allow 
either of us to be dainty ; and we emptied the bottle too, containing about two 
pints of a wine one could not recommend without some remorse of conscience. 
We then rose from table and set out again on the tramp' in high glee. The 
barber, who had heard some little snatches of my story from Fabricio, en- 
treated me to furnish him with the whole from the best authority. It was im- 
possible to refuse so munificent a host ; I therefore gave him the satisfaction 
he required. In my turn I called on him, as an acknowledgment of my 
frankness, to communicate the leading circumstances of his terrestrial peregrin- 
ations. Oh ! as for my adventures, exclaimed he, they are scarcely worth re- 
cording, a mere catalogue of common occurrences. Nevertheless, since we have 
nothing else to do, I will run over the narrative, such as it is. At the same 
time he entered on the recital nearly in the following terms. 

Ch. VII. — The journey 7nan barbels story. 

I TAKE up my tale from the origin of things. My grandfather, Ferdinand 
Perez de la Fuenta, barber-general to the village of Olmedo for fifty years, 
died, leaving four sons. The eldest, Nicholas, succeeded to the shop, and 



THE JOURNE YMAN BARBER'S ST OR Y. 59 

lathered himself into the good graces of the customers. Bertrand, the next, 
having taken a fancy to trade, set up for a mercer ; and Thomas, who was the 
third, turned schoolmaster. As for the fourth, by name Pedro, feeling within 
himself the high destinies of learning, he sold a dirty acre or two which fell to 
his share, and went to settle at Madrid, where he hoped one day to distinguish 
himself by his genius and erudition. The other three brothers would not part ; 
they fixed their quarters at Olmedo, marrying peasants' daughters, who brought 
their husbands very little dowry, except an annual present of a chopping young 
rustic. They had a most public-spirited emulation in child-bearing. My 
mother, the barber's wife, favoured the world with a contribution of six within 
the first five years of her marriage. I was among the number. My father 
initiated me betimes in the mysteries of shaving ; and when he saw me grown 
up to the age of fifteen, laid this wallet across my shoulders, presented me 
with a long sword, and said — Go, Diego, you are now qualified to gain your 
own livelihood ; go and travel about. You want a little acquaintance with 
the world to give you a polish, and improve you in your art. Off with you ! 
and do not return to Olmedo till you have made the tour of Spain, nor let me 
hear of you till that is accomplished. Finishing with this injunction, he em- 
braced me with fatherly affection, and shoved me out of doors by the shoulders. 

Such were the parting benedictions of my sire. As for my mother, who had 
more the touch of" nature in her manners, she seemed to feel somewhat at my 
departure. She dropped a few tears, and even slipped a ducat by stealth into 
my hand. Thus was I sent from Olmedo into the wide world, and took the 
road of Segovia. I did not go two hundred yards without stopping to examine 
my bag. I had a mind to view its contents, and to know the precise amount 
of my possessions. There I found a case with two razors, which must have 
travelled post over the chins of ten generations, by the evidence of ^heir wear 
and tear, with a strap to set them, and a bit of soap. In addition to this, a 
coarse shirt quite new, a pair of my father's shoes quite old, and what rejoiced 
me more fhan all the-rest, a rouleau of twenty rials in a linen bag. Behold the 
sum total of my personals. You may conclude master Nicholas, the barber, to 
have reckoned a good deal on my ingenuity, by his turning me adrift with so 
slender a provision. Yet a ducat and twenty rials, by way of fortune, was 
enough to turn the head of a young man unaccustomed to money concerns. I 
fancied my stock of cash inexhaustible ; and pursued my journey in the sun- 
shine of brilliant anticipation, looking from time to time at the hilt of my rapier, 
while the blade was striking against the calf of my leg at every step, or tripping 
up my heels. 

In the evening I reached the village of Ataquines with a very catholic 
stomach. I put up at the inn ; and, as if I meant to spend freely, asked, in a 
lofty tone, what there was for supper. The landlord examined my pretensions 
with his eye, and finding according to what cloth my coat was cut, said with 
true publican's civility — Yes, yes, my worthy master, you shall have no reason 
to complain ; we will treat you like a lord. With this assurance, he showed 
me into a little room, whither he brought me, a quarter of an hour afterwards, 
a ragout made of a great he cat, on which I feasted with as famous an appetite 
as if it had been hare or rabbit. This excellent dish was washed down by so 
choice a wine, that the king had no better in his cellars. I found out, however, 
that it was pricked ; but that was no hindrance to my doing it as much honour 
as the he cat. The last article in this entertainment for a lord was a bed better 
adapted to drive sleep away than to invite it. Figure it to yourself about the 
width of a coffin, and so short that I could not stretch my legs, though none of 
the longest. Besides, there was neither mattress nor feather bed, but merely a 
little straw sewed up in a sheet folded double, which was laid down clean for 



6o GIL BLAS. 



every hundredth traveller, and served the other ninety-nine, one after another, r 
without washing. Nevertheless, in such a bed, with a stomach distended to a 
surfeit by fricaseed cat, and then raked by sour wine, thanks to youth and a 
good constitution, I slept soundly, and passed the night without being dis- 
turbed. 

On the following day when I had breakfasted, and paid the reckoning as I 
had been treated, like a lord, I made but one stage to Segovia. On my arrival, 
I had the good fortune to find a shop, where they took me in for my board 
and lodging ; but I staid there only six months ; a journeyman barber, with 
whom I got acquainted, was going to Madrid, and drew me in to set off with 
him. I had no difficulty in procuring a situation on the same footing as at Se- 
govia. I got into a shop of the very best custom. It is true, it was near the 
church of the Holy Cross, and that the neighbourhood of the Prince's Theatre 
brought a great deal of business. My master, two stirring fellows, and myself, 
could scarcely lather the chins of the people who came to be shaved. They 
were of all trades and conditions ; among the rest, players and authors. One 
day, two persons of the last description happened to meet. They began con- 
versing about the poets and pieces in vogue, when one of them mentioned my 
uncle's name : a circumstance which drew my attention more particularly to 
their discourse. Don Juan de Zavaleta, said one, will never do any good as an 
author. A man of a cold genius, Avithout a spark of fancy ! he has written 
himself down at a terrible rate by his last publication. And Louis Velez de 
Guevara, said the other, what has he done ? A fine work to bring before the 
public ! Was there ever anything so wretched ? They mentioned I know not 
how many poets besides, whose names I have forgotten : I only recollect that 
they said no good of them. As for my uncle, they made a more honourable 
mention of him, agreeing that he was a personage of merit. Yes, said one, Don 
Pedro de la Fuenta is an excellent author ; there is a sly humour in his compo- 
sitions, blended with solid sense, which communicates an attic poignancy to 
their general effect. I am not surprised at his popularity both in court and city, 
nor at the pensions settled on him by the great. For many years past, said the 
other, he has enjoyed a very large income. He lives at the Duke de Medina 
Celi's table, and has an apartment in his house, so that he is at no expense : he 
must be very well in the world. 

I lost not a syllable of what these poets were saying about my uncle. We 
had learnt in the family, that he made a noise in Madrid by his works ; some tra- 
vellers, passing through Olmedo, had told us so ; but as he took no notice of us, 
and seemed to have weaned himself from all natural ties, we on our side lived 
in a state of perfect indifference about him. Yet nature will prevail : as soon 
as I had heard that he was in a fair way, and had learned where he lived, I was 
tempted to go and call upon him. One thing staggered me a little ; the literati 
had styled him Don Pedro. This don was an awkward circumstance : I had 
my doubts whether he might not be some other poet of the name, and not my 
uncle. Yet that apprehension did not damp my ardour. I thought he might 
have been ennobled for his wit, and determined to pay him a visit. For this 
purpose, with my master's leave, I tricked myself out one morning as well as I 
could, and sallied from our shop, a little proud of being nephew to a man who 
had gained so high a character by his genius. Barbers are not the most diffi- 
dent people in the world. I began to conceive no mean opinion of myself ; and 
riding the high horse with all the arrogance of greatness, inquired my Avay to 
the Duke de Medina Celi's palace. I rang at the gate, and said, I wanted to 
speak with Signor Don Pedro dela Fuenta. The porter pointed with his finger 
to a narrow staircase at the fag end of the court, and answered— Go up there, 
then knock at the first door on your right. I did as he directed me ; and knock- 



THE JOURNE YMAN BARBER'S STOR Y 61 

ed at a door. . It was opened by a young man, whom I aske'd if those were the 
apartments of Signor Don Pedro de la Fuenta. Yes, answered he, but you 
cannot speak to him at present. I should be very glad, said I, just to say, How 
are you ? I bring him news of his family. An you brought him news of the pope, 
replied he, I could not introduce you just now. He is writing, and while his 
wits are at work, he must not be disturbed. He will not be able to receive 
company till noon ; take a turn, and come back about that time. 

I departed, and walked about town all the morning, incessantly meditating on 
the reception my uncle would give me. I think, said I within myself, he will 
be overjoyed to see me. I measured his feelings by my own, and prepared my- 
self for a veiy affecting discovery. I returned punctually to the appointed hour. 
You are just in time, said the servant : my master was going out. Wait here 
a moment : I will announce you. With these words, he left me in the anti- 
chamber. He returned almost immediately, and showed me into his master's 
room. The face struck me all at once as a family likeness. To be sure he was 
the very image of my uncle Thomas ; they might have been taken for twins. 
I bowed down to the ground, and introduced myself as the son of Master 
Nicholas de la Fuenta, the barber of Olmedo. I likewise informed him, that I 
had been working at my father's trade in Madrid, for these three weeks, as a 
journeyman, and intended making the tour of Spain to complete my education. 
While I was speaking, my uncle was evidently in a brown study. He seemed 
to doubt whether he should disown me at once, or get rid of me with some little 
sacrifice to decency. The latter course he adopted. Affecting the affable : Well, 
my good kinsman, how are your father and your uncles? Do they get on in 
the world ? I began thereupon by laying before him the family knack at propa- 
gation. All the children, male and female, called over by their names, with 
their godfathers and godmothers included in the list ! He took no extravagant 
interest in the particulars of my tale ; but leading to his own purposes, Diego, 
replied he, I am quite of your mind. You should go from place to place, and 
see a variety of practice. I would not have you tarry longer at Madrid : it is a 
very dangerous residence for youth ; you may get into bad habits, my sweet 
fellow. Other towns will suit you better ; the state of society in the provinces 
is more patriarchal and philosophical. Determine on emigration ; and when 
your departure is fixed, come and take your leave. I will contribute a pistole 
to the tour of Spain. With this kind assurance, he handed me out of the room, 
and sent me packing. 

I had not worldly wisdom enough to find out that he wanted to get quit of me. 
I went back to our shop, and gave my master an account of the visit I had paid. 
He looked no deeper than myself into Signor Don Pedro's motives, and ob- 
served : I cannot help differing from- your worthy uncle, so far from advising 
you to travel the provinces, the real thing would be, in my opinion, to give you 
a comfortable settlement in this city. He is hand in glove with the first people ; 
it is an easy matter for him to establish you in a great family ; and that is a for- 
tune at once. Struck with this lucky discovery, which seemed to settle the point 
without difficulty, I called on my uncle again two days afterwards, and made a 
modest proposal to him for a situation about some leading character at court. 
But the hint was not taken kindly. A proud man, living at free quarters among 
the great, and dining with them in a family party, did not exactly wish that, while 
he was sitting at my lord's table, his nephew should be a guest in the servants' 
hall. Little Diego might bring a scandal on Signor Don Pedro. He had no 
hesitation, therefore, in fairly turning me out of doors, and that with a flea in my 
ear. What, you little rascal, said he in a fit of extravagance, do you mean to 
relinquish your calling ? Begone, I consign you to the reptile whose pernicious 
counsels will be your ruin. Take your leave of these premises, and never set 



62 GIL BLAS. 



your foot on them again, or you shall have the reception you deserve ! I was 
absolutely stunned at this language, and still more at the peremptory tone my 
uncle assumed. With tears in my eyes I withdrew, quite overcome by his se- 
verity. Yet, as 1 had always been lively and confident in my temper, I soon 
wiped away my tears. My grief was even turned into resentment, and I deter- 
mined to take no further notice of this unnatural relative, whose kind offices 
I had hitherto been contented to want. 

My attention was henceforth directed to the cultivation of my professional 
talent ; I was quite a plodding fellow at mv trade. I scraped away all day ; and 
in the evening, by way of relief to my scraping, I twanged the guitar. My 
master on that instrument was an old Senor Escudero whom I shaved. He 
taught me music in return ; and he was an adept. To be sure he had formerly 
been a chorister in a cathedral. His name was Marcos de Obregon. He was 
a man of the world, with good natural parts and acquired knowledge, which 
jointly induced him to fix on me as an adopted son. He was engaged as an 
attendant on a physician's lady, resident within thirty yards of our house. I 
went to him in the evening, when shop was shut, and we two, sitting on 
the threshold of the door, made up a little concert not displeasing to the neigh- 
bourhood. It was not that our voices were very fine ; but in thrumming on the 
catgut, we made a pretty regular accompaniment to our duet, and filled up the 
harmony sufficiently for the gratification of our hearers. Our music was par- 
ticularly agreeable to Donna Mergelina, the physician's wife ; she came into the 
passage to hear us, and sometimes encored us in her favourite airs. Her hus- 
band did not interfere with her amusement. Though a Spaniard and in years, 
he was not possessed with jealousy ; besides, his profession took up all his time ; 
and as he came home in the evening, worn out with his numerous visits, he went 
to bed at an early hour, without troubling himself about his wife or our concerts. 
Possibly, if he thought about them at all, he might consider them as little likely 
to produce dangerous consequences. He had an additional security in his wife. 
Mergelina was young and handsome with a witness ; but of so fierce a modesty, 
that she started at the very shadow of a man. How could he take umbrage at 
an amusement of so harmless and decorous a nature ? He gave us leave to sing 
our hearts out. 

One evening, as I came to the physician's door, intending to take my usual 
recreation, I found the old squire waiting for me. He took me by the hand : 
saying that he wished to take a little walk with me before we struck up our 
little concert. At the same time he drew me aside into a by-street, where, find- 
ing an opportunity of opening his mind : Diego, my good lad, said he with a 
melancholy air, I want to give you a hint in private. I much fear, my good 
and amiable youth, that we shall both have reason to repent of beguiling our 
evenings with little musical parties at my master's door. Rely on my sincere 
friendship : I do not grudge your lessons in singing and on the guitar ; but if I 
could have foreseen the storm now brewing, in the name of charity ! I would 
have selected some other spot to communicate my instructions. This address 
alarmed me. I entreated the gentle squire to be more explicit, and to tell me 
what we had to fear ; for I was no Hector, and the tour of Spain was not yet 
finished. I will relate to you, replied he, what it concerns you to know, that 
you may take proper measure of our present danger. 

When I got into the service of the physician, about a year ago, he said one 
morning, after having introduced me to his wife : There, Marcos, you see your 
mistress ; that is the lady you are to accompany in all her peregrinations. I was 
smitten with Donna Mergelina : she was lovely in the extreme, a model for an 
artist, and her principal attraction was the pleasantness of her deportment. 
Honoured sir, replied I to the physician, it is too great a happiness to be in the 



THE JO URNE YMAN BARBER'S STOR Y. 63 

train of so charming a lady. My answer was taken amiss by Mergelina, who 
said rather crustily, A pleasant gentleman this ! He is perfectly free and easy. 
Believe me ! His fine speeches may go a begging for me. These words, 
dropped from such lovely lips, seemed rather inconsistent ; the manners and 
ideas of bumpkins and dairy-maids coupled with all the graces of the most 
lovely woman in the world ! As for her husband, he was used to her ways ; 
and, hugging himself on the unrivalled character of his rib, Marcos, said he, 
my wife is a miracle of chastity. Then, observing her put on her veil, and 
make herself ready to go to mass, he told me to attend on her at church. We 
were no sooner in the street than we met, and it was no wonder, blades who, 
struck with Donna Mergelina' s genteel carriage, told her a thousand flattering 
tales as they passed by. She was not backward in her answers ; but silly and 
ill-timed, beyond what you can conceive. They were all in amaze, and could 
not imagine how a woman should take it amiss to be complimented. Why 
really ! madam, said I to her at first, you had better be silent, or shut your 
ears to their addresses, than reply with asperity. No, no, replied she : I will 
teach these coxcombs that J. am not a woman to put up with impertinence. 
In short, her absurdity went so far, that I could not help telling her my mind, 
at the hazard of her displeasure. I gave her to understand, yet with the great- 
est possible caution, that she was unjust to nature, whose handiwork she \ 
marred by her preposterous ferocity ; that a woman of mild and polished man- ( 
ners might inspire love without the aid of beauty ; whereas the loveliest of the | 
sex, divested of female softness, was in danger of becoming the public scorn. 
To this ratiocination, I added collateral arguments, always directed to the 
amendment of her manners. After having moralized to no purpose, I was J 
afraid my freedom might exasperate my mistress, and draw upon me some 
taunting repartee. Nevertheless she did not mutiny against my advice ; but 
silently rendered it of no avail, and thus we went on from day to day. 

I was weary of pointing out her errors ^o no purpose, and gave her up to 
the ferocious temperament of her nature. Yet, could you think it ? the savage 
humour of that proud woman is entirely changed within these two months. She 
has a kind word for all the world, and manners the most accommodating. It 
is no longer the same Mergelina who gave such homely answers to the compli- 
ments of her swains : she is become assailable by flattery ; loves to be told she 
is handsome, that a man cannot look at her without paying for it : her ears itch 
for fine speeches, and she is become a very woman. Such a change is almost 
inconceivable : and the best of the joke is, that you are the worker of this 
unparalleled miracle. Yes, my dear Diego, it is you who have transformed 
Donna Mergelina ; you have softened down the tigress into a domestic animal ; 
in a word, you have made her feel. I have observed it more than once ; and 
never trust my knowledge of the sex, if she is not desperately in love with 
you. Such, my dear boy, is the melancholy news I have to communicate, the 
awkward predicament in which we stand. 

I do not see, said I in my turn to the old man, that there is anything so 
melancholy in this accident, or any peculiar awkwardness in being the object 
of a pretty woman's partiality. Ah ! Diego, replied he, you argue like a 
young man : you only see the bait, without guarding against the hook : plea- 
sure is your lure^ while my thoughts are directed to the unpleasant circum- 
stances attending it. Murder will out. If you go on singing at our door, you 
will provoke Mergelina's passion ; and she probably, losing all command over 
herself, will betray her weakness to her husband, Doctor Oloroso. That 
wretched husband, so complying now that he thinks there is no ground for 
jealousy, will run wild, take signal vengeance upon her, and perhaps play some 
dog's trick or other to you and me. Well, then ! rejoined I, your reasons 



64 GIL BLAS. 



shall be conclusive with me, and your sage counsels my rule. Lay down the 
line of conduct I am to adopt for the prevention of any left-handed catastrophe. 
We will have no more concerts, was his peremptory decree. Do not show 
yourself any more to my mistress : when the sight of you does not inflame her, 
she will recover her composure. Stay within doors : I will call in upon you, 
and we will torture the guitar with impunity. With all my heart, said I, and 
I will never set my foot again in your premises. In good truth, I was 
determined to serenade no longer before the physician's door, but henceforth 
to keep within the precincts of my shop, since my attractions as a man were so 
formidable. 

In the mean time good Squire Marcos, with all his prudence, experienced in 
the course of a few days that the plan he had devised to quench Donna Merge- 
lina's flame produced a directly opposite effect. The lady on the second night 
not hearing me sing, asked why we had discontinued our concerts, and the 
reason of my absence. He told her I was so busy as not to have a moment to 
spare for relaxation. She seemed satisfied with that excuse, and for three days 
longer bore the disappointment of all her hopes like a heroine ; but at the end 
of that period, my martyr to the tender passion lost all patience, and said to 
her conductor — You are playing false with me, Marcos ; Diego has not discon- 
tinued his visits without a cause. This mystery must be unravelled. Speak, I 
command you ; conceal nothing from me. Madam, answered he, making use 
of another subterfuge, since the truth must be told, it has often happened to 
him to find the cloth taken away at home after the concert ; he cannot run the 
risk any longer of going to bed without his supper. What, without his supper ! 
exclaimed she in an agony, why did not you tell me so sooner ? Go to bed 
without his supper ! Oh ! the poor little sufferer ! Go to him this instant, and 
let him come again this evening ; he shall not go home starving any more, 
there shall always be a luncheon for him. 

What do I hear ? said the squire, affecting astonishment at this language ; 
oh heaven, what a reverse ! Is this you, madam, and are these your sentiments? 
Well-a-day ! Since when are you so compassionate and tender-hearted ? Since, 
replied she significantly, since you have lived in this house, or rather since you 
disapproved my disdainful manners, and have laboured to soften the acrimony 
of my temper. But, alas ! added she, in a melting mood, I have gone from one 
extreme to the other. Proud and insensible as I was, I am become too sus- 
ceptible, too tender. I am enamoured of your young friend Diego, and I can- 
not help myself ; his absence, far from allaying my ardour, -only adds fuel to 
the fire. Is it possible, resumed the old man, that a young fellow with neither 
face nor person should have inspired so strong a passion ? I could jpake allow- 
ance for your feelings, if they had been set afloat by some nobleman of distin- 
guished merit Ah ! Marcos, interrupted Mergelina, I am not like the 

rest of my sex ; or rather, spite of your long experience, your penetration is but 
shallow if you fancy merit to have much share in our choice. Judging by my 
self, we all leap before we look. Love is a mental derangement, forcibly draw 
ing all our views and attachments into one vortex ; a species of hydrophobia 
Have done then with your hints that Diego is not worthy of my tenderness ; 
that he has it is enough, to invest him with a thousand perfections too a^therial 
for your gross sight, and perhaps too unsubstantial for any but a lover's percep- 
tion. In vain you disparage his features or his stature ; in my eyes he was 
created to undo, and encircled by the hand of nature with the glories of the 
opening day. Nay, more, there is a thrilling sweetness in his voice ; his touch 
on the guitar has the taste of an amateur, and the execution of a professor. 
But, madam, subjoined Marcos, do you consider who Diego is ? The mean- 
ness of his station My own fc very little better, interrupted she 



■( 



THE JOURNE YMAN BARBERS STOR Y. 65 

again ; though were I of noble birth, it would make no difference in my sensa- 
tions. 

The result of that conference was that the squire, concluding he should make 
no impression on the mind of his mistress, gave over struggling with her ob- 
stinacy, as a skilful pilot runs before the storm, though it carries him out to sea 
from his intended port. He did more : to satisfy his patroness he paid me a 
visit, took me aside, and after having related what had passed between them 
— You see, Diego, said he, that we cannot dispense with the performance of our 
concerts at Mergelina's door. Absolutely, my friend, that lady must see you 
again ; otherwise she may commit some act of desperation fatal to her good 
name. I was not inexorable, but answered Marcos that I would attend with 
my guitar early in the evening ; and dispatched him to his mistress with the 
happy tidings. He executed his office, and the impassioned dame was out of 
her wits with joy, in the delicious prospect of hearing and seeing me in a few 
hours. 

A most disagreeable circumstance, however, was very near disappointing her 
in that hope. I could not leave home before night, and for my sins, it was dark 
as pitch. I went groping along the street, and had got, may be, half way, when 
down from a window came upon my head the contents of a perfuming pan, 
which did not tickle my olfactory nerves very pleasantly. I may say that not a 
whiff was wasted, so exactly had the giver taken measure of the receiver. In 
this situation I was at a loss on what to resolve : to go back by the way I came, 
what an exhibition before my comrades ! It was surrendering myself to all 
their nasty witticisms. Then again, go to Mergelina in such a glorious trim, 
that hurt my feelings on the other side. I determined, at length, to get on to- 
wards the physician's. The old usher was waiting for me at the door. He 
said that Doctor Oloroso was gone to bed, and we might amuse ourselves as we 
liked. I answered that the first thing was to purify my drapery, at the same 
time relating my misfortune. He seemed to feel for me, and showed me into a 
hall where his mistress was sitting. As soon as the lady got wind of my ad- 
venture, and had confirmed the testimony of her nose by the evidence of her eyes, 
she mourned over me as grievously as if my miseries had been mortal ; then, 
apostrophising the absent cause of my foul arra> , she uttered a thousand impre- 
cations. Well, but madam! said Marcos, do moderate this ecstacy of grief; 
isider that such casualties will happen, there is no occasion to take on so 
terly. Why, exclaimed she with vehemence, why would you debar me from 

ie privilege of weeping over the injuries of this tender lamb, this dove without 

ill, who does not so much as murmur at the affront he has sustained ? Alas ! 

rtiy am I not a man at this moment to avenge him ! 
She uttered numberless soothing expressions besides, to mark distinctly the 

ccess of her devotion, and her actions corresponded with her words ; for while 
Marcos was employed in wiping me down with a towel, she ran into her cham- 
ber and brought out a box furnished with every variety of perfumes. She burned 
sweet-smelling drugs, and perfumed my'clothes with them, after which she 
drenched me in a deluge of essences. The fumigation and aspersion ended, 
this bountiful lady went herself and fetched from the kitchen bread, wine, and 
some good slices of roast mutton, set by on purpose for me. She forced me to 
eat, and taking a pleasure in waiting on me, sometimes carved for me, and some- 
times filled my glass, in spite of all that Marcos and myself could do to antici- 
pate hei condescension. When I had done supper, the gentlemen of the orchestra 
struck the key note, and tuned their sweet voices to the pitch of their guitars. 
We played and sung to the heart's delight of Mergelina. To be sure we took 
care to carol none but amorous ditties ; and as we sung, I every now and then 
leered at her with such a roguish meaning, as to throw oil upon the fire, for the 



I 

I 66 GIL BLAS. 



game began to be interesting. The concert, though the acts were long, was not 
tedious. As for the lady, to whom hours seemed to fly like seconds, she could 
have been content to exhaust the night in listening, if the old squire, with whom 
the seconds seemed to lag like hours, had not hinted how late it was. She 
gave him the trouble of enforcing his moral on the lapse of time by at least 
ten repetitions. But she was in the hands of a man not to be turned aside from 
his purpose, he let her have no rest till I was gone. Sensible and provident as 
he was, seeing his mistress given up to a mad passion, he dreaded lest our har- 
mony should be resolved by some discord. His fears were ominous : the phy- 
sician, whether his mind misgave him of foul play, or the spirit of jealousy, 
hitherto on its good behaviour, had a mind to harass him gratuitously, bethought 
himself of quarrelling with our concerts. He did more, he put a broad negative 
upon them ; and, without assigning his reasons for acting in this violent way, 
declared that he would suffer no more strangers to come about his premises. 

Marcos acquainted me with this mortifying declaration, particularly levelled 
against my rising hopes. I had begun bobbing at this dainty cherry, and did 
not like to lose my game. Nevertheless, to act the part of a faithful reporter 
and true historian, I must own my impatience did not affect my health or spirits. 
Not so with Mergelina, her feelings were more alive than ever. My dear Mar- 
cos, said she to her usher, it is only from you that I look for succour. Con- 
trive, I beseech you, that I may see Diego in private. What do you require ? 
asked the old man with a reproachful accent. I have been but too indulgent 
to you. I am not a person to- crown your wanton wishes at the expense of my 
master's honour, your good fame, and my own eternal infamy; the infamy of a 
man whose past life has been one continued series of faithful sendee and ex- 
emplary conduct. I had rather leave the family than stay in it on such scandal- 
ous conditions. Alas ! Marcos, interrupted the lady, frightened out of her wits at 
these last words, you wring my heart by talking in this manner. Obdurate man ! 
Can you bear the thought of sacrificing her who lays all her present agony to 
your account ? Give me back my former pride, and that savage soul you have 
taken from me. Why am I no longer happy in my very imperfections ? I might 
now have been at peace, but your rash counsels have robbed me of the repose I 
then enjoyed. You, the corrector of my manners, have tampered with my 

morals But why do I rave, unhappy wretch as I am ? why upbraid you 

thus wrongfully ? No, my guardian angel, you are not the fatal source of my 
miseries ; my evil destiny had decreed these tortures to await me. Lay not to 
heart, I conjure you on my knees, these transports of a disordered imagination. 
Oh mercy ! my passion drives me mad, have compassion on my weakness ; you 
are my sole support and stay : if then my life is not indifferent to you, deny me 
not your aid. 

At these words her tears flowed in fresh torrents, and stifled her lugubrious 
accents. She took out her handkerchief, and throwing it over her face, fell 
into a chair, like a person overcome by her affliction. Old Marcos, who was 
perhaps one of the most tractable ge»-betweens in the world, could no longer 
steel his heart against so touching a spectacle. Pierced to the quick, he even 
mingled his tears with those of his mistress, and spoke to her in a softened tone 
— Ah ! madam, why are you thus bewitching ! I cannot hold out against your 
sorrowful complaints, my virtue yields under the pressure of my pity. I pro- 
mise you all the relief in my power. No longer do I marvel at the oblivious 
influence of passion over duty, since mere sympathy can mislead my footsteps 
from its thorny paths. Thus did this pander, whose past life had been one con- 
tinued series of faithful service and exemplary conduct, sell himself to the devil 
to feed Mergelina's illicit flame. One morning he came and talked over the 
whole business with me, saying at his departure, that he had a scheme in his 



THE JOURNE YMAN BARBER'S STOR Y. 67 

head, to bring about a private interview between us. At the thought my hopes 
were all re-kindled, but they glimmered tremblingly in the socket at a piece of 
news I heard two hours afterwards. A journeyman apothecary in the neighbour- 
hood, one of our customers, came in to be shaved. While I was making ready 
to trim his bushy honours, he said — Master Diego, do you know anything about 
your friend, the old usher, Marcos de Obregon ? Is he not going to leave Doc- 
tor Oloroso ? I said, No. But he is though, replied he ; he will get his dis- 
mission this very day. His master and mine were talking about it just now in 
my hearing, and their conversation was to the following effect : — Signor Apun- 
tador, said the physician, I have a favour to beg of you. I am not easy about 
an old usher of mine, and should like to place my wife under the eye of a trusty, 
strict, and vigilant duenna. I understand you, interrupted my master. You 
want Dame Melancia, my wife's directress, and indeed mine for the last six 
weeks, since I have been a widower. Though she would be very useful to me 
in housewifery, I give her up to you, from a paramount regard to your honour. 
You may rely upon her for the security of your brow ; she is the phoenix of the 
duenna tribe — a spring-gun and a man-trap set in the purlieus of female chastity. 
During twelve whole years that she was about my wife, whose youth and 
beauty, you know, were not without their attractions, I never saw the least 
semblance of manhood within my doors. No, no ! by all the powers ! That 
game was not so easily played. And yet I must let you know that the departed 
saint, heaven rest her soul ! had in the outset a great hankering after the delights 
of the flesh ; but Dame Melancia cast her in a new mould, and regenerated her 
to virtue and self-denial. In short, such a guardian of the weaker sex is a 
treasure, and you will never have done thanking me for my precious gift. 
Hereupon the doctor expressed his rapture at the issue of the conference ; and 
they agreed, Signor Apuntador and he, on the duenna's succeeding the old 
usher on this very day. 

This news, which I thought probable, and turned out to be true, disturbed 
the pleasurable ideas, just beginning to flow afresh, and renovate my soul. 
After dinner, Marcos completed the convulsion, by confirming the young drug- 
pounder's story : My dear Diego, said the good squire, I am heartily glad that 
Doctor Oloroso has turned me off ; it spares me a world of trouble. Besides 
that it hurt my feelings to be invested with the office of a spy, endless must 
have been the shifts and subterfuges to bring you and Mergelina together in 
private. We should have been rarely gravelled ! Thanks to heaven, I am set 
free from all such perplexing cares, to say nothing of their attendant danger. 
On your part, my dear boy, you ought to be comforted for the loss of a few 
soft moments, which must have been dogged at the heels by a thousand fears 
and vexations. I relished Marcos' sermon well enough, because my hopes 
were at an end, the game was lost. I was not, it must be confessed, among 
the number of those stubborn lovers who bear up against every impediment ; 
but though I had been so, Dame Melancia would have made me let go my hold. 
The established character of that duenna would have daunted the adventurous 
spirit of a knight -errant. Yet, in whatever colours this phoenix of the duenna 
tribe might have been painted, I had reason to know, two or three days after- 
wards, that the physician's lady had unset the man-trap and spring-gun, and 
given a stop to this watch-dog of lubricity. As I was going out to shave one of 
our neighbours, a civil old gentlewoman stopped me in the street, and asked if 
my name was Diego de la Fuenta. I said, Yes. That being the case, replied 
she, I have a little business with you. Place yourself this evening at Donna 
Mergelina's door ; and when you are there, give a signal, and you shall be let 
in. Vastly well ! said I, what must the signal be ? I can take off a cat to the 
life : suppose I was to mew a certain number of times ? The very thing, replied 



68 GIL BLAS. 



this Iris of intrigue ; I will carry back your answer. Your most obedient, Sig- 
nor Diego ! Heaven protect the sweet youth ! Ah ! you are a pretty one ! By 
St Agnes, I wish I was but sweet fifteen, I would not go to market for other 
folks ! With this hint, the old procuress waddled out of sight. 

You may be sure this message put me in no small flutter. Where now was 
the morality of Marcos ? I waited for night with impatience, and, calculating 
the time of Dr Oloroso's going to bed, took my station at his door. There I 
set up my caterwauling, till you might hear me ever so far off, to the eternal 
honour of the master who instructed me in that imitative art. A moment after 
Mergelina opened the door softly with her own dear hands, and shut it again 
with me on the inside. We went into the hall, where our last concert had 
been performed. It was dimly lighted by a small lamp, which twinkled in the 
chimney. We sat down side by side, and began our tender parley, each of us 
overcome by our emotions, but with this difference ; that hers were all inspired 
by pleasure, while mine were somewhat tainted by fear. In vain did the 
divinity of my adorations assure me that we had nothing to fear from her hus- 
band. I felt the access of an ague, which unmanned my vigour. Madam, said 
I, how have you eluded the vigilance of your directress ? After what I have 
heard of Dame Melancia, I could not have conceived it possible for you to 
contrive the means of sending me any intelligence, much less of seeing me 
in private. Donna Mergelina smiled at this remark, and answered : You 
will no longer be surprised at our being together to-night, when I tell you 
what has passed between my duenna and me. As soon as she came to her 
place, my husband paid her a thousand compliments, and said to me : Merge- 
lina, I consign you to the guidance of this wary lady, herself an abstract of all 
the virtues : in this glass you may look without a blush, and array yourself in 
habits of wisdom. This extraordinary personage has for these twelve years 
been a light to the ways of an apothecary's wife of my acquaintance ; but how 
has she been a light to them ? . . . . why, as ways never were enlightened 
before : she turned a very slippery piece of mortal flesh into a downright 
nun. 

This panegyric, not belied by the austere mien of Dame Melancia, cost me a 
flood of tears, and reduced me to despair. I fancied the din of eternal lectures 
from morning till night, and daily rebukes too harsh to be endured. In short, 
I laid my account in a life of wretchedness, beyond the patience of a woman. 
Keeping no measures in the expectation of such cruel sufferings, I said bluntly 
to the duenna, the moment I was alone with her : You mean, no doubt, to 
exercise your tyranny most wantonly on my poor person ; but I cannot bear 
much severity, I warn you before-hand. I give you, moreover, fair notice, that I 
shall be as savage as you can be. My heart cherishes a passion, which not all 
your remonstrances shall tear from it : so you may act accordingly. Watch me 
as closely as you please ; it is hard if I cannot outwit such an old thing as you. 
At these taunting words, I thought this saracen in petticoats was going to give 
me a specimen of her discipline. But so far from it, she smoothed her brow, 
relaxed her surly features, and primming up her mouth into a smile, promul- 
gated this comfortable doctrine : Your temper charms me, and your frankness 
calls for a return. We must have been made for one another. Ah ! lovely 
Mergelina, little do yOu fathom my character, to be deceived by the fine com- 
pliments of your husband the Doctor, or by my Tartar contour ! There never 
was a creature more fortified against moral prejudices ! My inducement for 
getting into the service of jealous husbands is to lend myself to the enjoyments 
of their pretty wives. Long have I trodden the stage of life in masquerade ; 
and I may call myself doubly happy, in the spiritual rewards of virtue, and the 
temporal indulgences of the opposite side. Between ourselves, mine is the 



THE JO URNE YMAN BARBERS STOR Y. 69 

system of all mankind in the long run. Real virtue is a very expensive article ; 
plated goods look just as well, and are within the reach of all purchasers. 

Put yourself under my direction. We will make Doctor Oloroso pay the piper 
to our dancing, or I am no duenna. By my troth, he shall go the way of Signor 
Apuntador and all mankind. There is no reason why the forehead of a phy- 
sician should be smoother than the brow of an apothecary. Poor dear Apun- 
tador ! What fun have we had with him, his wife and I ! A charming woman, 
that wife of his ! A dear little creature, open to all mankind, and prejudiced by 
none ! Well ! she is at peace, and has not left her fellow behind her ! Take my 
word, short as her time was, she made the most of it. Let me see how many 
rampant chaps have been brought to their bearings in that house, without the 
dear deluded husband being waked out of his evening's nap ! Now, madam, 
you may see me in my true light ; and assure yourself, whatever might be the 
abilities of your old usher, you will not fare the worse for going further. If he 
was a benefit to you, I shall be a blessing. 

You may judge for yourself, Diego, continued Mergelina, how well I took it 
of the duenna, that she laid herself open so frankly. I had taken her virtue to 
be of the impenetrable cast. Look you now, how much women are liable to be 
scandalized. But her character of plain dealing won my heart at once. I threw 
my arms about her neck in a rapture, which bespoke my warm and tender 
feelings at the thoughts of such a mother abbess. I gave her carte blanche of 
all my private thoughts, and put in for a speedy tete-a-tete with your own dear 
self. She met me on my own ground. This very morning she engaged the 
old woman who spoke to you, to take the field : she is an old stager, a veteran 
in the service of the apothecary's wife. But the best of the joke in this comedy, 
added she in a paroxysm of laughter, is that Melancia, on my assurance that my 
husband's habit is to pass the night without stirring, is gone to bed by his side,, 
and drones out my useless office at this moment. So much the worse, madam, 
said I then to Mergelina ; your device is more plausible than profitable. Your 
husband is very likely to wake, and discover the fraud. He will not discover 
anything about it, replied she with no little urgency ; set your heart at rest 
about that, and let not an empty fear poison the fountains of a pleasure, which 
ought to drown every vulgar and earthly consideration in the arms of a young 
lady who is yours for ever and ever. 

The old doctor's help-mate, finding that her assurances had little effect upon 
my courage, left no stone unturned to put me in heart again ; and she had so 
many encouraging ways with her, that a very coward must have plucked up a 
little. My thoughts were all with Jupiter and Alcmena ; but at the very * 
moment that the urchin Cupid, with his train of smiles and antics, was weaving 
a garland to compliment the crisis of our endeavours, we were stopped in our 
career by an importunate~knocking at the street door. In a moment, away 
flew love and all his covey, like game at the report of a fowling-piece. Merge- 
lina popped me like an article of household furniture under the hall table, blew 
out the lamp, and, by previous agreement with her governess, in the event of 
so unlucky an accident, placed herself at the door of her husband's bedchamber. 
In the mean time, the knocking continued with reiterated violence, till the 
whole house resounded. The physician awoke suddenly, and called Melancia. 
The duenna flung herself out of bed, though the doctor, taking her for his wife, 
begged of her not to disturb herself. She ran to her mistress, who, catching 
hold of her in the dark, began calling Melancia ! and told her to go and see 
who was at the door. Madam, answered the directress, here I am at your 
service, go to bed again if you please ; you shall soon know who it is. During 
this parley, Mergelina having undressed, got into bed to the doctor, who had 
not the least suspicion of the farce that was playing. To be sure the stage 



7o GIL BLAS. 



was darkened, and the actresses had very little occasion for a prompter ; one of 
them was familiar with the boards, and the other wanted only a rehearsal or 
two to be perfect in her part. 

The duenna, in her night-gown, made her appearance soon after, with a 
candle in her hand — Good doctor, said she to her master, have the goodness to 
get up. Our neighbour Fernandez de Buendia, the bookseller, is in an apo- 
plectic fit : you are sent for ; time presses. The physician got on his clothes 
as fast as he could, and went out. His wife, in her bed-gown, came into the 
hall with the duenna. They dragged me from under the table more dead than 
alive. You have nothing to fear, Diego, said Mergelina, put yourself in proper 
order. At the same time she told me how things were in two words. She had 
half a mind to renew our amorous intercourse ; but the directress knew better. 
Madam, said she, your husband may possibly be too late to help the bookseller 
to the other world, and then he will return immediately. Besides, added she, 
observing me benumbed with fright, it would be all lost labour upon this poor 
youth ! He is not in a condition to answer your demands. You had better 
send him home, and defer the debate till to-morrow evening. Donna Merge- 
lina was sorry for the delay, as well knowing that a bird in hand is worth two 
in the bush ; and I flatter myself she was disappointed at not putting a cuckold's 
nightcap on the doctor's head. 

As for me, less grieved at having drawn a blank in the lottery of love, than 
rejoiced at getting my neck out of an halter, I returned to my master's, 
where I passed the remainder of the night in moralizing on the scene I had left. 
For some time, I was in doubt whether to keep my appointment on the follow- 
ing evening. . I thought it was a foolish business from first to last ; but the 
devil, who is" always lurking for his prey, or rather taking possession of us as 
•his lawful property, whispered in my ear that I should be a great fool to pack 
up my alls when the prize was falling into my hands. Mergelina too with 
opening and unfathomable charms ! The exquisite pleasures that awaited me ! 
I determined to stick to my text ; and promising myself a larger share of self- 
possession, took my station the next evening at the doctor's door, between 
eleven and twelve, in a most spirit-stirring humour. The heavens were com- 
pletely darkened, not a star to prate of my whereabout. I mewed twice or 
thrice to give warning of my being in the street ; and, as no one answered my 
signal, I was not satisfied with going over the old ground, but ran up and down 
the cat's gamut from bass to treble, and from treble to bass, just as I used to 
sol-fa with a shepherd of Olmedo. I tuned my fundamental bass so musically, 
that a neighbour, on his return home, taking me for one of those animals whose 
mewings I counterfeited, picked up an unlucky flint lying at his feet, and threw 
it at me with all his force, saying — The devil fetch that torn cat ! I received 
the blow on my head, and was so stunned for the moment, that I was very 
near falling backwards. I found the skin was broken. This was enough in 
all conscience to give me a surfeit of gallantry ; so that, my passion oozing out 
with my blood, I made the best of my way homewards, where I rendered night 
hideous by my howling, and knocked all the family up. My master probed my 
wound, and played the true surgeon on it ; he pronounced the consequences to 
be uncertain. He did all he could to make them certain ; but flesh will heal 
in spite of the faculty ; and there was not a scar remaining in three weeks. 
During all this time, I heard not a word from Mergelina. The probability is 
that Dame Melancia, to wean her impure thoughts from me, engaged her in 
some better sport. However, I did not concern myself about the matter ; but 
left Madrid to continue my tour of Spain, as soon as I found myself perfectly 
recovered. 




The Poor Actor.— p. 71. 



CONVERSA TION WITH A STROLLING PL A YER. 71 

Ch. VIII. — The meeting of Gil Bias and his companion with a man soaking 
crusts of bread at a spring, and the particulars of their conversation. 

Signor Diego de la Fuenta related some other adventures which had since 
happened to him ; but they were so little worthy of preservation, that I shall 
pass them by in silence. Yet there was no getting rid of the recital, which was 
tedious enough : it lasted as far as Ponte de Duero. We halted in that town 
the remainder of the day. Our commons at the inn consisted of a vegetable 
soup and a roast hare, whose genus and species we took especial pains to 
verify. At daybreak on the following morning we resumed our journey, after 
having replenished our flask with some very tolerable wine, and our wallet with 
some pieces of bread, and half the hare we had left at supper. 

When we had gone about two leagues we M r axed hungry ; and, espying at 
about two hundred yards from the high road some spreading trees, which threw 
an agreeable shade over the plain, we made up to . the spot, and rested on our 
arms. There we met with a man from seven to eight and twenty, who was 
dipping crusts of bread into a spring. He had a long sword lying by him on 
the grass, with a soldier's knapsack, of which he had eased his shoulders. We 
thought his air and person better than his attire. We accosted him with 
civility ; and he returned our salutation. He then offered us his crusts, and 
asked with a smile if we Would take potluck with him. We answered in the 
affirmative, provided he had no objection to our clubbing our own breakfast, by 
way of making the meal more substantial. He agreed to it with the utmost 
readiness, and we immediately produced our provisions ; which were not un- 
acceptable to the stranger. What is all this, gentlemen, exclaimed he in a 
transport of joy, here is ammunition for an army ! By your forecast, you must 
be commissaries or quartermasters. I do not travel with so much contrivance, 
for my part ; but depend a good deal on the chances of the road. At the 
same time, though appearances may be against me, I can say, without vanity, 
that I sometimes make a very brilliant figure in the world. Would you believe 
that princely honours are commonly bestowed on me, and that I have guards 
in attendance ? I comprehend you, said Diego ; you mean to tell us, you are 
a player. You guess right, replied the other ; I have been an actor for these 
fifteen years at least. From my very infancy, I was sent on the boards in 
children's parts. To deal freely, rejoined the barber, shaking his head, I do 
not believe a word of it. I know the players ; those gentry do not travel on 
foot, like you, nor do they mess with St Anthony. I doubt whether you are 
anything better than a candle-snuffer. You may, quoth the son of Thespis, 
think of me as you please ; but my parts, for all that, are in the first line ; I 
play the lovers. If that be the case, said my companion, I wish you much joy, 
and am delighted that Signor Gil Bias and myself have the honour of break- 
fasting with so eminent a character. 

We then began to pick up our crumbs, and to gnaw the precious relics of 
the hare, bestowing such hearty smacks upon the bottle, as to empty it very 
shortly. We were all three so deeply engaged in the great affair of eating, 
that we said very little till we had finished, when we resumed our conversation. 
I wonder, said the barber to the player, that you should be so much out at 
elbows. For a theatrical hero, you have but a needy exterior ! I beg pardon 
if I speak rather freely. Rather freely ! exclaimed the actor ; ah ! by my 
troth, you are not yet acquainted with Melchior Zapata. Heaven be praised, 
I have no mind to see things in a wrong light. You do me a pleasure by 
speaking so confidently : for I love to unbosom myself without reserve. I 
honestly own I am not rich. Here, pursued he, showing us his doublet lined 
with playbills, this is the common stuff which serves me for linings ; and if you 



72 GIL BLAS. 



are curious to see my wardrobe, you shall not be disappointed. At the same 
time he took out of his knapsack a dress, laced with tarnished frippery, a 
shabby head-dress for an hero, with an old plume of feathers ; silk stockings 
full of holes, and red morocco shoes a great deal the worse for wear.' You see, 
said he again, that I am very little better than a beggar. That is astonishing, 
replied Diego : then you have neither wife nor daughter ? I have a veiy 
handsome young wife, rejoined Zapata, and yet I might just as well be without 
her. Look with awe on the lowering aspect of my horoscope. I married a 
personable actress, in the hope that she would not let me die of hunger ; and, 
to my cost, she is cursed with incorruptible chastity. Who the devil would 
not have been taken in as well as myself ? There was but one virtuous princess 
in a whole strolling company, and she, plague take her ! fell into my hands. 
It was throwing with bad luck most undoubtedly, said the barber. But then, 
why did not you look out for an actress in the regular theatre at Madrid ? You 
would have been sure of your mark. You are perfectly in the right, replied 
the stroller ; but the mischief is, we underlings dare not raise our thoughts to 
those illustrious heroines. It is as much as an actor of the prince's company 
can venture on ; nay, some of them are obliged to match with citizens' daughters. 
Happily for our fraternity, citizens' daughters now-a-days contract theatrical 
notions ; and you may often meet with characters among them, to the full as 
eccentric as any bona roba of the green-room. 

Well ! but have you never thought, said my fellow-traveller, of getting an 
engagement in that company ? Is it necessary to be a Roscius for that purpose ? 
That is very well of you ! replied Melchior, you are a wag, with your Roscius ! 
There are twenty performers. Ask the town what it thinks of them, and you 
will hear a pretty character of their acting. More than half of them deserve to 
carry a porter's knot. Yet for all that, it is no easy matter to get upon the 
boards. Bribery or interest must make up for the defect of talent. I ought to 
know what I say since my debut at Madrid, where I was hissed and cat-called 
as if the devil had got among the grimalkins, though I ought to have been re- 
ceived with thunders of applause ; for I whined, ranted, and offered all sorts 
of violence to nature's modesty : nay, I went so far as to clench my fist at the 
heroine of the piece ; in a word, I adopted the conceptions of all the great 
performers ; and yet that same audience condemned by bell, book, and candle 
in me, what was thought to be the first style of playing in them. Such is the 
force of prejudice ! So that, being no favourite with the pit, and not having 
wherewithal to insinuate myself into the good graces of the manager, I am on my 
return to Zamora. There we shall all huddle together again, my wife and my fel- 
low-comedians, who are making but little of the business. I wish we may not be 
obliged to beg our way out of town ; a catastrophe of too frequent occurrence ! 

At these words, up rose the stage-struck hero, slung across him his knapsack 
and his sword, and made his exit with due theatric pomp : Farewell, gentlemen ; 
may all the gods shower all their bounties on your heads ! And you, answered 
Diego with corresponding emphasis, may you find your wife at Zamora, softened 
down in her relentless virtue, and in comfortable keeping. No sooner had 
Signor Zapata turned upon his heel, than he began gesticulating and spout'ng 
as he went along. The barber and myself immediately began hissing, to re- 
mind him of his first appearance at Madrid. The gcose grated harsh upon his 
tympanum ; he took it for a repetition of signals from his old friends. But 
looking behind him, and seeing that we were diverting ourselves at his expense, 
far from taking offence at this merry conceit of ours, he joined with good 
humour in the joke, and went his way laughing as hard as he could. On our 
part, we returned the compliment in kind. After this, we got again into the 
high road, and pursued our journey. 



DIE Gas FA Mil Y. 73 



Ch. IX. — The meeting of Diego with his family ; their circumstances in life ; 
great rejoicings on the occasion; the parting scene between him and Gil Bias. 

We stopped for the night at a little village between Moyados and Valpuesta ; 
I have forgotten the name : and the next morning, about eleven, we reached the 
plain of Olmedo. Signor Gil Bias, said my companion, behold my native 
place. So natural are these local attachments, that I can hardly contain my- 
self at the sight of it. Signor Diego, answered I, a man of so patriotic a soul 
as you profess to be, might, methinks, have been a little more florid in his 
descriptions. Olmedo looks like a city at this distance, and you called it a 
village ; it cannot be anything less than a corporate town. I beg its township's 
pardon, replied the barber ; but you are to know that after Madrid, Toledo, 
Saragossa, and all the other large cities I have passed through in my tour of 
Spain, these little ones are mere villages to me. As we got further on the 
plain, there appeared to be a great concourse of people about Olmedo : so that, 
when we were near enough to distinguish objects, we were in no want of food 
for speculation. 

There were three tents pitched at some distance from each other ; and hard 
by, a bevy of cooks and scullions preparing an entertainment. Here a party 
was laying covers on long tables set out under the tents ; there a detachment 
was crowning the pitchers of Tellus with the gifts of Bacchus. The right 
wing was making the pots boil, the left was turning the spits and basting the 
meat. But what caught my attention more than all the rest, was a temporary 
stage of respectable dimensions. It was furnished with pasteboard scenes, 
painted in a tawdry style, and the proscenium was decorated with Greek and 
Latin mottos. No sooner did the barber spy out these inscriptions, than he 
said to me — All these Greek words smell strongly of my uncle Thomas's lamp. 
I would lay a wager he has a hand in them, for between ourselves, he is a man 
of parts and learning. He knows all the classics by heart. If he would keep 
them to himself it would be very well, but he is always quoting them in com- 
pany, and that people do not like. But then to be sure he has a right, because 
this uncle of mine has translated ever so many of the Latin poets and hard 
Greek authors with his own hand and pen. He has got all antiquity at his 
fingers' ends, as you may know by his ingenious and profound criticisms. If 
it had not been for him, we might never have learned that the Athenian school- 
boys cried when they were flogged ; we owe that fact in the history of educa- 
tion to his fundamental knowledge of the subject. 

After my fellow-traveller and myself had looked about us, we had a mind to 
inquire what these preparations were for. Going about on the hunt, Diego 
recognized in the manager Signor Thomas de la Fuenta, to whom we made 
up with great eagerness. The schoolmaster did not recollect the young barber 
at first, such a difference had ten years made. But when convinced of his 
being his own flesh and blood, he gave him a cordial embrace, and said with 
much appearance of kindness — Ah ! here you are, Diego, my dear nephew, 
here you are, restored after your wanderings to your native land. You come 
to revisit your household gods, your Penates, and heaven delivers you back 
safe and sound into the bosom of your family. Oh happy day, happy in all the 
proportions of arithmetic ! A day worthy to be marked with a while stone and 
inserted among the Fasti ! We have annals in abundance for you, my friend ; 
your uncle Pedro, the poetaster, has fallen a sacrifice at the shrine of Pluto : to 
speak to the comprehension of the vulgar, he has been dead these three months. 
That miser, in his lifetime, was afraid of wanting necessaries — Argenti pallebat 
amore. Though the great were heaping wealth upon his head, his annual expendi • 
ture did not amount to ten pistoles. He had but one miserable attendant, and him 



74 GIL BLAS. 



he starved. This crazy fellow, more wrong-headed than the Grecian Aristippus, 
who ordered his slaves to leave all their costly baggage in the heart of Lybia, 
as an incumbrance on their march, heaped up all the gold and silver he could 
scrape together. And to what end ? for those very heirs whom he refused to 
acknowledge. He died worth thirty thousand ducats, shared between your father, 
your uncle Bertrand, and myself. We shall be able to do very well for our 
children. My brother Nicholas has already married off your sister Theresa to 
the son of a magistrate in this place — Conmibio jitnxit stabili propriamque dica- 
vit. These very hymeneals, greeted auspiciously by all the nuptial powers, have 
we been celebrating for these two days with all this pomp and luxury. These 
tents in the plain are of our pitching. Pedro's three heirs have each a booth of his 
own, and we defray the expenses of the day alternately. I wish you had come 
sooner, you might have seen the whole progress of our festivities. The day 
before yesterday, the wedding-day, your father gave his treat. It was a superb 
entertainment, succeeded by running at the ring. Your uncle, the mercer, 
regaled us yesterday with a fete champetre, and paid the piper handsomely. 
There were ten of the best grown boys, and ten young girls, dressed out in 
pastoral weeds ; all the frippery in his shop was brought out to prank them 
up. This assemblage of Ganymedes and Houris lan through all the mazes of 
the dance, and warbled forth a thousand tender and spirit-stirring lays. And 
yet, though nothing was ever more genteel, the effect was not thought striking ; 
but that must be owing to the bad taste of the spectators, the simplicity of pas- 
toral is lost upon the present age. 

To-day, the wheels are greased by your humble servant, and I mean to pre- 
sent the burgesses of Olmedo with a pageant of my own invention — Finis coro- 
nabit opus. I have got a stage erected, on which, God willing, shall be repre- 
sented by my scholars a piece of my own composing, entitled and called — The 
Amusements of Muley Bugentuf, King of Morocco. It will be played to per- 
fection, for my pupils declaim like the players of Madrid. They are lads of 
family at Penafiel and Segovia, boarders with me. They know how to touch 
the passions ! To be sure they have rehearsed under my tuition ; their emphasis 
will seem as if struck in the mint of their master — ut ita dicam. With respect 
to the piece I shall not say a word about it, you shall be taken by surprise. I 
shall simply state that it must produce a deep impression on the audience. It 
is one of those tragic subjects which harrow up the soul, by images of death 
presented to the senses in all their fearful forms. I am of Aristotle's mind, 
terror is a principal engine. Oh ! if I had written for the stage, I would have 
introduced none but bloody tyrants, and death-dispensing heroes. Not all the 
perfumes of Arabia should have sweetened this blood-polluted hand, I would 
have been up to my elbows in gore. There would have been tragedy with a 
vengeance ; principal characters ! ay, guards and attendants, should all have 
been sprawling together. I would have butchered every man of them, and the 
prompter into the bargain. In a word, I refine upon Aristotle, and border on 
the horrible, that is my taste. These plays to tear a cat in, are the only things 
for popularity ; the actors live merrily on their own dying speeches, and the 
authors roll in luxury on the devastation of mankind. 

Just as this harangue was over, we saw a great crowd of both sexes coming 
out of town into the plain. Who should it be but the new-married couple, 
attended by their families and friends, with ten or twelve musicians in the van, 
producing a most obstreperous din of harmony. We went up to them, and 
Diego introduced himself. Peals of congratulation were immediately rung 
through the assembly, and every one was eager to shake him by the hand. 
He had enough upon his shoulders to receive all their fraternal embraces^ 
Relations and strangers all were for having a pull at him. At length his father 



PERFORMANCE OF SIGNOR THOMAS'S FLA Y. 75 

said — You are welcome, Diego. You find your kinsmen living upon the fat of 
the land, my friend. I shall say no more at present, a nod is as good as a 
wink. Meanwhile the company went forward upon the plain, took their sta- 
tions under the tents, and sat down to table. I kept close to my companion, 
and we both dined with the happy couple, who appeared to be suitably matched. 
The meal was not soon over, for the schoolmaster had the vanity to give three 
courses, for the purpose of cutting out his brothers, who had not been so mag- 
nificent in their hospitalities. 

After the banquet, all the guests expressed their longing to see Signor 
Thomas's play, not doubting but the performance of so extraordinary a genius 
would deserve all their ears. We came in front of the stage ; the musicians 
had taken possession of the orchestra, for the overture and act-tunes. While 
every one was waiting in profound silence for the rising of the curtain, the 
actors appeared on the boards ; and the author, with the piece in his hand, sat 
down at the wing, in the prompter's place. Well might he call it a tragedy, 
for in the first act the King of Morocco, by way of diversion, shot an hundred 
Moorish slaves with arrows ; in the second he beheaded thirty Portuguese officers, 
taken prisoners by one of his captains : and in the third and last, this monarch, 
surfeited with long-indulged libertinism, set fire with his own hands to the 
seraglio where his wives were confined, and reduced it to ashes with its inha- 
bitants. The Moorish slaves, as well as the Portuguese officers, were puppets 
on a very curious construction ; and the palace, built of pasteboard, looked 
very naturally in flames by means of an artificial firework. This conflagration, 
accompanied by a thousand piercing cries, issuing from the ruins, concluded the 
piece, and the curtain dropped upon this amiable entertainment. The whole 
plain resounded with the applause of this fine tragedy ; which spoke for the 
good taste of the poet, and proved that he knew where to look out for a 
subject. 

I did not suppose there was anything more to be seen after The Amuseinents 
of Muley Bugentuf, but I was mistaken. Kettle-drums and trumpets announced 
a new exhibition — the distribution of prizes — for Thomas de la Fuenta, to give 
additional solemnity to his Olympics, had made all his boys, as well day- 
scholars as boarders, write exercises ; and on this occasion he was to give to 
those who had succeeded best, books bought at Segovia out of his own pocket. 
All at once were brought upon the stage two long forms out of the school, with 
a press full of old worm-eaten books in fine new bindings. At this signal all 
the actors returned upon the stage, and took their places round Signor Thomas, 
who looked as big as the head of a college. He had a sheet of paper in his 
hand, with the names of the successful candidates. This he gave to the 
King of Morocco, who began calling over the list with an authoritative voice. 
Each scholar, answering to his name, went humbly to receive a book from the 
hands of the bum-jerker ; after this he was crowned with laurel, and seated on 
one of the two benches to be exposed to the gaze of the admiring company. 
Yet, desirous as the schoolmaster might be to send the spectators away in good 
humour, he brought his eggs to a bad market ; for, having distributed almost 
all the prizes to the boarders, according to the usual etiquette of pedagogues, 
that those who pay most must necessarily be the cleverest fellows, the mammas of 
certain day-scholars caught fire at this instance of partiality, and fell foul of the 
disciplinarian thereupon : so that the festival, hitherto so much to the glory of 
the donor, seemed likely to have ended to the same tune as the carousal of the 
Lapithae. 



76 GIL BLAS. 



BOOK THE JHIRD. 

Ch. I. — The arrival of Gil Bias at Madrid. His first place there. 

I MADE some stay with the young barber. At my departure, I met with a 
traveller of Segovia passing through Olmedo. He was returning with four 
mules from a trading expedition to Valladolid, and took me by way of back car- 
riage. We got acquainted on the road, and he took such a fancy to me that 
nothing would serve him but I must be his guest at Segovia. He gave me free 
quarters for two days, and when he found me determined to leave him for Ma- 
drid under convoy of a muleteer, he troubled me with a letter, begging me to 
deliver it in person according to the superscription, without hinting that it was 
a letter of recommendation. I was punctual in calling on Signor Matheo Me- 
lendez. He was a woollen-draper, living at the gate of the Sun, at the corner 
of Trunkmaker street. No sooner had he broken the cover and read the con- 
tents, than he said with an air of complacency — Signor Gil Bias, my corre- 
spondent, Pedro Palacio, has written to me so pressingly in your favour, that I 
cannot do otherwise than offer you a bed at my house ; moreover, he desires me 
to find you a good master, and I undertake the commission with pleasure. I 
have no doubt of suiting you to a hair. 

I embraced the offer of Melendez the more gratefully because my funds were 
getting much below par ; but I was not long a burden on his hospitality. At 
the week's end, he told me that he had mentioned my name to" a gentleman of 
his acquaintance, who wanted a valet-de-chambre, and, according to present 
appearances, the place would not be long vacant. In fact, this gentleman hap- 
pened to make his appearance in the very nick — Sir, said Melendez, pushing 
me forward, you see before you the young man as by former advice. He is a 
pupil of honour and integrity. I can answer for him as if he was one of my own 
family. The gentleman looked at me with attention, said that my face was in 
my favour, and hired me at once. He has nothing to do but to follow me, 
added he, I will put him into the routine of his employment. At these words 
he wished the tradesman good morning, and took me into the High-street, 
directly over against St Philip's church. We went into a very handsome house, 
of which he occupied one wing ; then going up five or six steps, he took me into 
a room secured by strong double doors, with an iron grate between. From this 
room we went into another, with a bed and other furniture, rather neat than 
gaudy. 

If my new master had examined me closely, I had all my wits about me as 
well as he. He was a man on the wrong side of fifty, with a saturnine and serious 
air. His temper seemed to be even, and I thought no harm of him. He asked 
me several questions about my family ; and liking my answers — Gil Bias, said 
he, I take you to be a very sensible lad, and am well pleased to have you in my 
service. On your part, you shall have no reason to complain. I will give you 
six rials a day board wages, besides vails. Then I require no great attendance, 
for I keep no table, but always dine out. You will only have to brush my 
clothes, and be your own master for the rest of the day. Only take care to be 
at home early in the evening, and to be in waiting at the door, that is your chief 
duty. After this lecture, he took six rials out of his purse, and gave them to 
me as earnest. We then went out, he locked the doors after him, and taking 
care of the keys — My friend, said he, you need not go with me, follow the de- 
vices of your own heart ; but on my return this evening, let me find you on that 



GIL BLASTS FIRST PLA CE AT MADRID. 77 

staircase. With this injunction he left me to dispose of myself as seemed best 
in my own eyes. 

In good sooth, Gil Bias, said I in a soliloquy, you have got a jewel of a mas- 
ter. What ! fall in with an employer to give you six rials a day for wiping off 
the dust from his clothes, and putting his room to rights in the morning, with 
the liberty of walking about and taking your pleasure like a schoolboy in the 
holidays ! By my troth ! it is a place of ten thousand. No wonder I was in a 
hurry to get to Madrid, it was doubtless some mysterious boding of good fortune 
prepared for me. I spent the day in the streets, diverting myself with gaping 
at novelties — a busy occupation. In the evening, after supping at an ordinary 
not far from our house, I squatted myself down in the corner pointed out by my 
master. He came three quarters of an hour after me, and seemed pleased with 
my punctuality. Very well, said he, this is right, I like attentive servants. At 
these words, he opened the doors of his apartment, and closed them upon us 
again as soon as we had got in. As we had no candle, he took his tinder-box 
and struck a light. I then helped him to undress. When he was in bed, I 
lighted, by his order, a lamp in his chimney, and carried the wax-light into the 
antechamber, where I lay in a press-bed without curtains. He got up the next 
day between nine and ten o'clock ; I brushed his clothes. He paid me my six 
rials, and sent me packing till the evening. My mysterious master went out 
himself too, not without great caution in fastening the doors, and we parted for 
the remainder of the day. 

Such was our course of life, very agreeable to me. The best of the joke was, 
that I did not know my master's name. Melendez did not know it himself. 
The gentleman came to his shop now and then, and bought a piece of cloth. 
My neighbours were as much at a loss as myself ; they all assured me that my 
master was a perfect stranger, though he had lived two years in the ward. He 
visited no soul in the neighbourhood, and some of them, a little given to scan- 
dal, concluded him to be no better than he should be. Suspicions got to be 
more rife ; he was suspected of being a spy of Portugal, and it was thought but 
fair play to give a hint for my own good. This intimation troubled me. 
Thought I to myself, should this turn out to be a fact, I stand a chance for see- 
ing the inside of a prison at Madrid. My innocence will 'be no security ; my 
past ill-usage makes me look on justice with antipathy. Twice have I experi- 
enced that if the innocent are not condemned in a lump with the guilty, at least 
the rights of hospitality are too little regarded in their persons to make it plea- 
sant to pass a summer in the purlieus of the law. 

I consulted Melendez in so delicate a conjuncture. He was at a loss how to 
advise me. Though he could not bring himself to believe that my master was 
a spy, he had no reason to be confident on the other side of the question. I 
determined to watch my employer, and to leave him if he turned out to be an 
enemy of the state ; but then prudence and personal comfort required me to be 
certain of my fact. I began, therefore, to pry into his actions ; and to sound him, 
Sir, said I one evening while he was undressing, I do not know how one ought 
to live so as to be secure from reflections. The world is very scurrilous ! We, 
among others, have neighbours not worth a curse. Sad dogs ! You have no 
notion how they talk of us. Do they indeed, Gil Bias ? quoth he. Be it so ! 
but what can they say of us, my friend ? Ah ! truly, replied I, evil tongues, 
never want a whet. Virtue herself furnishes weapons for her own martyrdom. 
Our neighbours say that we are dangerous people, that we ought to be looked 
after by government ; in a word, you are taken for a spy of Portugal. In 
throwing out this hint, I looked hard at my master, just as Alexander squinted 
at his physician, and pursed up all my penetration to remark upon the effect of 
my intelligence. There seemed to be a hitch in the muscles of my mysterious 



78 GIL BLAS. 



lord, altogether in unison with the suspicions of the neighbourhood ; and he fell 
into a brown study, which bore no very auspicious interpretation. However, 
he put a better face on the matter, and said with sufficient composure : Gil Bias, 
leave our neighbours to discourse as they please, but let not our repose depend 
on their judgments. Never mind what they think of us, provided our own con- 
sciences do not wince. 

Hereupon he went to bed, and I did the like, without knowing what course 
to take. The next day, just as we were on the point of going out in the morn- 
ing, we heard a violent knocking at the outer door on the staircase. My master 
opened the inner, and looked through the grate. A well-dressed man said to 
him : Please your honour, I am an alguazil, come to inform you that Mr Cor- 
regidor wishes to speak a word with you. What does he want ? answered my 
pattern of secrecy. That is more than I know, sir, replied the alguazil ; but 
you have only to go and wait on him ; you will soon be informed. I am his most 
obedient, quoth my master ; I have no business with him. At the tail of this 
speech, he banged the inner door ; then, after walking up and down a little 
while, like one who pondered on the discourse of the alguazil, he put my six 
rials into my hand, and said : Gil Bias, you may go out, my friend ; for my part, 
I shall stay at home a little longer, but have no occasion for you. He made 
an impression on my mind, by these words, that he was afraid of being taken 
up, and was therefore obliged to remain in his apartments. I left him there ; 
and, to see how far my suspicions were founded, hid myself in a place whence I 
could see if he went out. I should have had patience to have staid there all the 
morning, if he had not saved me the trouble. But an hour after, I saw him 
walk the street with an ease and confidence which dumb-founded my sagacity. 
Yet far from yielding to these appearances, I mistrusted them ; for my verdict 
went to condemnation. I considered his easy carriage as put on ; and his stay- 
ing at home as a finesse to secure his gold and jewels, when probably he was 
going to consult his safety by speedy flight. I had no idea of seeing him again, 
and doubted whether I should attend at his door in the evening ; so persuaded 
was I, that the day would see him on the outside of the city, as his only refuge 
from impending danger. Yet I kept my appointment ; when, to my extreme 
surprise, my master returned as usual. He went to bed without betraying the 
least uneasiness, and got up the next morning with the same composure. 

Just as he had finished dressing, another knock at the door ! My master 
looked through the grate. His friend the alguazil was there again, and he asked 
him what he wanted. Open the door, answered the alguazil ; here is Mr Cor- 
regidor. At this dreadful name, my blood froze in my veins. I had a devilish 
loathing of those gentry since I had passed through their hands, and could have 
wished myself at that moment an hundred leagues from Madrid. As for my 
employer, less startled than myself, he opened the door, and received the magis- 
trate respectfully. You see, said the corregidor, that I do not break in upon 
you with a whole posse : my maxim is to do business in a quiet way. In spite 
of the ugly reports circulated about you in the city, I think you deserve some 
little attention. What is your name, and business at Madrid ? Sir, answered 
my master, I am from New Castile, and my title is Don Bernard de Castil 
Blazo. With respect to my way of life, I lounge about, frequent public places, 
and take my daily pleasure in a select circle of polite company. Of course you 
have a handsome fortune ! replied the judge. No, sir, interrupted my Mecenas, 
I have neither annuities, nor lands, nor houses. How do you live then ? re- 
joined the corregidor. I will show you, replied Don Bernard. At the same 
time he lifted up a part of the hangings, before a door I had not observed, 
opened that and one beyond, then took the magistrate into a closet containing 
a large chest chuck full of gold. 



MEETS WITH CAPTAIN ROLANDO. 79 

Sir, said he again, you know that the Spaniards are proverbially indolent ; 
yet, whatever may be their general dislike to labour, I may compliment myself 
on bettering the example. I have a stock of laziness, which disqualifies me for 
all exertion. If I had a mind to puff my vices into virtues, I might call this 
sloth of mine a philosophical indifference, the work of a mind weaned from all 
that worldlings court with so much ardour ; but I will frankly own myself con- 
stitutionally lazy, and so lazy, that rather than work for my subsistence, I would 
lay myself down and starve. Therefore, to lead a life befitting my fancy, not 
to have the trouble of looking after my affairs, and above all to do without a 
steward, I have converted all my patrimony, consisting of several considerable 
estates, into ready money. In this chest there are fifty thousand ducats ; more 
than enough for the remainder of my days, should I live to be an hundred ! For 
I do not spend a thousand a year, and am already more than fifty years old. I 
have no fears, therefore, for futurity, since I am not addicted, heaven be praised, 
to any one of the three things which usually ruin men. I care little for the 
pleasures of the table ; I only play for my amusement ; and I have given up 
women. There is no chance of my being reckoned, in my old age, among those 
libidinous grey-beards to whom jilts sell their favours by troy weight. 

You are a happy man ! said the corregidor. They are in the wrong to sus- 
pect you of being a spy : that office is quite out of character for a man like you. 
Take your own course, Don Bernard : continue to live as you like. Far from 
disturbing your peace, I declare myself your protector ; I request your friend- 
ship, and pledge my own. Ah ! sir, exclaimed my master, thrilled with these 
kind expressions, I accept with equal joy and gratitude your precious offer. In 
giving me your friendship you augment my wealth, and carry my happiness to 
its height. After this conversation, which the alguazil and myself heard from 
the closet door, the corregidor took his leave of Don Bernard, who could not 
do enough to express his sense of the obligation. On my part, mimicking my 
master in doing the honours of the house, I overburdened the alguazil with 
civilities. I made him a thousand low bows, though I felt for him in my sleeve 
the contempt and hatred which every honest man naturally entertains for an 
alguazil. 

Ch. II. — The astonishment of Gil Bias at meeting Captain Rolando in Madrid, 
and that robber's curiotis narrative. 

Don Bernard de Castil Blazo, having attended the corregidor to the street, 
returned in a hurry to fasten his strong box, and all the doors which secured it. 
We then went out, both of us well satisfied, he at having acquired a friend in 
power, and myself at finding my six rials a day secured to me. The desire of 
relating this adventure to Melendez made me bend my steps towards his house; 
but, near my journey's end, whom should I meet but Captain Rolando ! My 
surprise was extreme, and I could not help quaking at the sight of him. He 
recollected me at once, accosted me gravely, and, still keeping up his tone of 
superiority, ordered me to follow him. I tremblingly obeyed, saying inwardly : 
Alas ! he means, doubtless, to make me pay my debts ! Whither will he lead 
me ? There may, perhaps, be some subterraneous retreat in this city. Plague 
take it ! If I thought so, I would soon show him I have not got the gout. I 
walked , therefore, behind him carefully looking out where he might stop, with 
the pious design of putting my best leg foremost, if there was anything in the 
shape of a trap-door. 

Rolando soon dispersed my alarms. He went into a well-frequented 
tavern ; I followed him. He called for the best wine, and ordered dinner. While 
it was getting ready, we went into a private room, where the captain addressed 



8o GIL BLAS. 



1 



me as follows : You may well be astonished, Gil Bias, to renew your acquaint- 
ance with your old commander ; and you will be still more so, when you have 
heard my tale. The day I left you in the cave, and went with my troop to 
Mansilla, for the purpose of selling the mules and horses we had taken the 
evening before, we met the son of the corregidor of Leon, attended by four 
men on horseback well armed, following his carriage. Two of his people we 
made to bite the dust, and the other two ran away. On this the coachman, 
alarmed for his master, cried out to us in a tone of supplication — Alas ! my dear 
gentlemen, in God's name, do not kill the only son of his worship the corregidor 
of Leon. These words were far from softening my comrades ; on the contrary, 
their fury knew no bounds. Good folks, said one of them, let not the son of a 
mortal enemy to men like us escape our vengeance. How many ornaments of 
our profession has his father cut off in their prime ! Let us repay his cruelty 
with interest, and sacrifice this victim to their offended ghosts. .The whole 
troop applauded the fineness of this feeling, and my lieutenant- himself was pre- 
paring to act as high priest at this unhallowed altar, when I interdicted the rites. 
Stop, said I ; why shed blood without occasion ? Let us rest contented with 
the youth's purse. As he makes no resistance, it would be against the laws of 
war to cut his throat. Besides,, he is not answerable for his father's misdeeds ; 
nay, his father only does his duty in condemning us to death, as we do ours in 
rifling travellers. 

Thus did I plead for the corregidor's son, and my intercession was not un- 
availing. We only took every farthing of his money, and carried off with us the 
horses of the two men whom we had slain. These we sold with the rest at 
Mansilla. Thence we returned to the cavern, where we arrived the following 
morning a little before daybreak. We were not a little surprised to find the 
trap open, and still more so, when we found Leonarda handcuffed in the kitchen. 
She unravelled the mystery in two words. We wondered how you could have 
overreached us ; no one could have thought you capable of serving us such a 
trick, and we forgave the effect for the merit of the invention. As soon as we 
had released our kitchen wench, I gave orders for a good luncheon. In the 
mean time we went to look after our horses in the stable, where the old negro, 
who had been left to himself for four-and-twenty hours, was at the last gasp. 
We did all we could for his relief, but he was too far gone ; indeed so much re- 
duced, that, in spite of our endeavours, we left the poor devil on the threshold 
of another world. It was very sad ; but it did not spoil our appetites, and, after 
an abundant breakfast, we retired to our chambers, and slept away the whole 
day. On our awaking, Leonarda apprized us that Domingo had paid the debt 
of nature. We carried him to the charnel-house where you may recollect to 
have lodged, and there performed his obsequies, just as if he had been one of 
our own order. 

Five or six days afterwards, it fell out that one morning, on a sally, we 
encountered three companies of the Holy Brotherhood, on the outskirts of the 
wood. They seemed waiting to attack us. We perceived but one troop at 
first. These we despised, though superior in number to our party, and 
rushed forward to the onset. But while we were at loggerheads with the first, 
the two others in ambuscade came thundering down upon us ; so that our 
valour was of no use. There was no withstanding such a host of enemies. 
Our lieutenant and two of our gang gave up the ghost on this occasion. As 
for the two others and myself, we were so closely pressed and hemmed in, as 
to be taken prisoners : and, while two detachments convoyed us to Leon, the 
third went to destroy our retreat. How it was discovered, I will briefly tell 
you. A peasant of Luceno, crossing the forest on his way home, by chance 
espied the trap-door of our subterraneous residence, which a certain young run- 



CAPTAIN ROLANDO'S NARRA TIVE. 8i 

away had not shut down after him, for it was precisely the day when you took 
yourself off with the lady. He had a violent suspicion of its being our abode, 
without having the courage to go in. It was enough to mark the adjacent 
parts, by lightly peeling with his knife bark from the nearest trees, and so 
on, from distance to distance, till he was quite out of the wood. He then 
betook himself to Leon, with this grand discovery for the corregidor, who 
was so much the better pleased, as his son had been robbed by our gang. 
This magistrate collected together three companies to lay hold of us, and the 
peasant showed them the way. 

My arrival in the town of Leon was as good as that of a wild beast to the 
inhabitants. Even though I had been a Portuguese general made prisoner 
of war, the people could not have been more anxious to see me. There 
he goes, was the cry ; that is he, the famous captain, the terror of these parts. 
It would serve him right to tear him piecemeal with pincers, and make his com- 
rades join in the chorus. To the corregidor, was the universal cry ; and his 
worship began insulting me. So, so ! said he, scoundrel as you are, the 
powers of justice, worn to a thread with your past irregularities, hand over the 
task of punishment to me as their delegate. Sir, answered I, great as my 
crimes may have been, at least the death of your only son is not to be laid at 
my door. His life was saved by me ; you owe me some acknowledgment on 
that score. Oh ! wretch, exclaimed he, there are no measures to be kept with 
people of your description. And though it were my wish to save you, my 
sacred office would not allow me to indulge my feelings. Having spoken to 
this effect, he committed us to a dungeon, where my companions had no time to 
lament their hard fate. They got out of confinement, at the end of three days, 
to expatiate with tragic energy at the place of execution. For my part, I took 
up my quarters in limbo for three complete weeks. My punishment seemingly 
was deferred only to render it more terrible ; and I was looking out for some 
refinement on the ordinary course of criminal justice, when the corregidor, 
having summoned me before him, said : Give ear to your sentence. You are 
free. Had it not been for you, my only son would have been assassinated on 
the highway. As a father, my gratitude was due for this service ; but not 
being competent to acquit you in my capacity of a magistrate, I have written 
up to court in your favour ; have solicited your pardon, and have obtained it. 
Go, then, whithersoever it may seem good to you. But take my advice ; profit 
by this lucky escape. Look to your paths, and give up the trade of a high- 
wayman for good and all. 

I was deeply impressed by this advice, and took my departure for Madrid, in 
the firm determination of mending my ways, and living quietly in that city. There 
I found my father and mother dead, and what they left behind them in the hands 
of an old kinsman, who administered duly and truly, as all trustees of course 
do. I saved three thousand ducats out of the fire ; scarcely a quarter of what 
I was entitled to. But where was the remedy? There was no standing to 
the quirks and evasions of the law. Just to be doing something, I have pur- 
chased an alguazil's place. My colleagues would have set their faces against 
my admission, for the honour of the cloth, had they known my history. Luckily 
they did not, or at least affected not to know it, which was just as good as the 
reality ; for, in that illustrious body, it is the bounden duty and interest of every 
member to wear a mask. The pot cannot call the kettle hard names, thank 
heaven. The devil would have no great catch in the best of us. And yet, my 
friend, I could willingly unbosom myself to you without disguise. My present 
occupation is much against the grain ; it requires too circumspect and too 
mysterious a conduct ; there is nothing to be done but by underhand dealings, 
gravity; and cunning. Oh ! for my first trade ! The new one is safer, to be 



82 GIL BIAS. 



sure; but there is more fun in the other, and liberty is my motto. I feel 
disposed to get rid of my office, and to set out some sunshiny morning for the 
mountains at the source of the Tagus. I know of a retreat thereabouts, inha- 
bited by a numerous gang, composed chiefly of Catalonians ; when I have said 
that, I need say no more. If you will go along with me, we will swell the 
number of those heroes. I shall be second in command. To make your 
footing respectable at once, I will swear that you have fought ten times by my 
side. Your valour shall mount to the very skies. I will tell more good of 
you than a commander-in-chief of a favourite officer. I will not say a word 
about the run-away trick, that would render you suspected of turning nose, 
therefore mum is the word. What say you to it? Are you ready to set off? 
I am impatient to know your mind. 

Every one to his own fancy, said I then to Rolando, you were born for bold 
exploits, and your friend for a serene and quiet life. I understand you, inter- 
rupted he ; the lady whom love induced you to carry off still preserves her 
influence over your heart, and you doubtless lead with her that serene life of 
which you are enamoured. Own the truth, master Gil Bias, she is become a 
thing of your own, and you are both living on the pistoles carried off from the 
subterraneous retreat. I told him he was mistaken ; and, to set him right, 
related the lady's adventures and my own while we sat at dinner. When our 
meal was finished he led back to the subject of the Catalonians, and attempted 
once more to engage me in his project. But finding me inflexible, he looked 
at me with a terrific frown, and said seriously — Since you are dastard enough 
to prefer your servile condition to the honour of enlisting in a troop of brave fel- 
lows, I turn you adrift to your own grovelling inclinations. But mark me well, a 
lapse may be fatal. Forget our meeting of to-day, and never prate about me 
to any living soul ; for if I catch you bandying about my name in your idle 

talk you know my ways, I need say no more. With these words he 

called for the landlord, paid the reckoning, and we rose from table to go 
away. ; 

Ch. III. — Gil Bias is dismissed by Don Bernard de Castil Blazo, and etiters 
into the service of a beau. 

As we were coming out of the tavern, and taking our leave, my master was 
passing along the street. He saw me, and I observed him look more than 
once at the captain. I had no doubt but he was surprised at meeting me in 
such company. It is certain that Rolando's physiognomy and air were not 
much in favour of moral qualities. He was a gigantic fellow, with a long face, 
a parrot's beak, and a very rascally contour, without being absolutely ugly. 

I was not mistaken in my guess. In the evening I found Don Bernard 
harping on the captain's figure, and charmingly disposed to believe all the fine 
things I could have said of him, if my tongue had not been tied. Gil Bias, 
said he, who is that great shark I saw with you awhile ago ? I told him it was 
an alguazil, and thought to have got off with that answer, but he returned to 
the charge ; and observing my confusion, from the remembrance of the threats 
used by Rolando, broke off the conversation abruptly and went to bed. The 
next morning, when I had performed my ordinary duties, he counted me over 
six ducats instead of six rials, and said — Here, my friend, this is what I give 
you for your services up to this day. Go and look out for another place. A 
servant keeping such high company is too much for me. I bethought myself of 
saying, in my own defence, that I had known that alguazil, by having prescribed 
for him at Valladolid, while I was practising medicine. Very good, replied my 
master, the shift is ingenious enough ; you might have thought of it last night, 



GIL BLAS ENTERS THE SERVICE OF A BEAU. 83 

and not have looked so foolish. Sir, rejoined I, in good truth prudence kept 
me silent, and gave to my reserve the aspect of guilt. Undoubtedly, resumed 
he, tapping me softly on the shoulder, it was carrying prudence very far, even 
to the confines of cunning. Go, lad, I have no further occasion for your 
services. 

I went immediately to acquaint Melendez with the bad news, who told me, 
for my comfort, that he would engage to procure me a better berth. Indeed, 
some days after, he said — Gil Bias, my friend, you have no notion of the good 
luck in store for you. You will have the most agreeable post in the world. I 
am going to settle you with Don Matthias de Silva. He is a man of the first 
fashion, one of those young noblemen commonly distinguished by the appella- 
tion of beaus. I have the honour of his custom. He takes up goods of me, 
on tick, indeed, but these great men are good pay in the long run, they often 
marry rich heiresses, and then old scores are wiped off ; or, should that fail, a 
tradesman who understands his business puts such a price upon his articles, that 
if three-fourths of his debts are bad, he is no loser. Don Matthias's steward is 
my intimate friend. Let us go and look for him. It will be for him to present 
you to his master, and you may rely upon it, that for my sake he will treat 
you with high consideration. 

As we were on our way to Don Matthias's house, this honest shopkeeper 
said — It is fit, methinks, that you should be let into the steward's character. 
His name is Gregorio Rodriguez. Between ourselves, he is a man of low birth, 
with a talent for intrigue, in which vocation he has laboured till a stewardship 
in two distressed families completed their ruin, and made his fortune. I give 
you notice, that his vanity is excessive ; he loves to see the under-servants 
creeping and crawling at his feet. It is with him they must make interest if 
they have any favour to beg of their master, for should they happen to obtain 
it without his interference, he has always some shift or other at hand to get the 
boon revoked, or at least render it of no avail. Regulate your conduct on this 
hint, Gil Bias ; pay court to Signor Rodriguez in preference to your master 
himself, and leave no stone unturned to get into his good graces. His friend- 
ship will be of material service to you. He will pay your wages to the day ; 
and, if you have management enough to worm yourself into his confidence, you 
may chance to pick up some of the fragments which fall from his table. There 
are enough for an hungrier dog than you ! Don Matthias is a young nobleman, 
with no thought to throw away but on his pleasures, nor the slightest suspicion 
how his own affairs are going on. What a house for a steward who knows 
how to be a steward ! 

When we got to our journey's end, we asked to speak with Signor Rodri- 
guez. We were told that we should find him in his own apartment. There he 
was, sure enough, and with him a clownish sort of fellow holding a blue bag, 
full of money. The steward, looking more wan and yellow than a girl in a 
hurry for a husband, ran up to Melendez with open arms ; the draper was not 
behindhand with him, and they each hugged the other with a shew of friend- 
ship, at least as much indebted to art as nature for its .plausible effect. After 
this, the next question was about me. Rodriguez examined me from top to toe ; 
saying very civilly at the same time that I was just such an one as Don Matthias 
wanted, and that he would with pleasure take upon himself to present me to 
that nobleman. Thereupon Melendez gave him to understand how deeply he 
was interested in my behalf ; he begged the steward to take me under his pro- 
tection, and leaving me with him, after plenty of compliments, withdrew. As 
soon as he was gone out, Rodriguez said, I will introduce you to my master the 
moment I have dispatched this honest husbandman. He called the country- 
man to him forthwith, and taking his bag, Talego, said he, let us see if the five 



J' 



84 GIL BLAS. 



hundred pistoles are all right. He counted over the money himself. As the 
sum was found to be exact, the countryman took a receipt and went awav. 
The cash was put back again into the bag. It was my turn next to be attended 
to. We may now, said my new patron, go to my master's levee. He usuallv 
gets up about noon, it is now near one o'clock, and must be daylight in his 
apartment. 

Don Matthias had indeed just risen. He was still in his morning gown, 
kicking his heels in a great chair, with a leg tossed over one of the elbows, 
swinging backwards and forwards, and manufacturing his own snuff. His con- 
versation was addressed to a footman in waiting, who officiated as a temporary 
valet-de-chambre. My lord, said the steward, here is a young man whom I 
take the liberty of presenting to your lordship in the place of him you dis- 
charged the day before yesterday. Your draper, Melendez, has given him a 
character ; he undertakes for his qualifications, and I believe you will be very 
well pleased with him. That is enough, answered the young nobleman, since 
he has your recommendation, I adopt him blindfold into my retinue. He is 
my valet-de-chambre at .once ; that business is settled. Let us talk of other 
matters, Rodriguez, you are come just in time, I was going to send for you. 
I have a budget of bad news, my dear Rodriguez. I played with ill luck last 
night, an hundred pistoles in my pocket lost, and two hundred more on credit. 
You know how indispensable it is for persons of high rank to pay their debts of 
honour. As for any other, it is no matter when they are paid. Punctuality is 
all very well between one tradesman and another, but they cannot expect it from 
one of us. These two hundred pistoles must be raised forthwith and sent to the 
Countess de Pedrosa. Sir, quoth the steward, that is sooner said than done. 
Where, prythee, am I to get such a sum ? Threaten as I will, I never 
touch a marvedi from your tenants. And yet your establishment is to be kept 
up in style, and I am wearing myself to a thread in furnishing the ways and 
means. It is true that hitherto, heaven be praised, we have rubbed on, but 
what witch to conjure for a wind now, I know not, the case is desperate. All 
this prosing is extreme'y impertinent, interrupted Don Matthias ; this counting- 
house talk makes me hideously nervous. So then, Rodriguez, you really think 
to undertake my reform, and metamorphose me into a plodding manager of 
my own estates ? A very elegant sort of pastime for a man in my station of 
life ; a man of rank and fashion ! Grant me patience, replied the steward ; at 
the rate we are driving now, it is easily calculated how soon you will be re- 
leased from all those cares. You are a very great bore, resumed the young 
nobleman rather peevishly, this brutal importunity is downright murder to one's 
feelings. I hate loud music, .be so good as to let me be ruined pianissimo I 
tell you I want two hundred pistoles, and I must have them. Why, then, said 
Rodriguez, we must have recourse to the old rascal who has lent you so much 
already on usurious terms. Have recourse to the devil, if he will do you any 
good, answered Don Matthias ; only let me have two hundred pistoles, and it 
is the same thing to me how you manage to get them. 

While he was uttering these Avords in a hasty and fretful tone, the steward 
went out ; and Don Antonio Centelles, a young man of quality, came in. 
What is the matter, my friend ? said this last to my master : your atmosphere 
is overcast ; I trace passion in the lines of your countenance. Who can have 
ruffled that sweet temper ? I would lay a wager, it was that booby just gone 
out. Yes, answered Don Matthias, he is my steward. Every time he comes 
to speak to me, I am in an agony for a quarter of an hour or twenty minutes. 
He rings the changes on the state of my affairs ; and tells me that I am spending 

principal and interest A beast ! He will say next, that I have ruined him 

into the bargain ! My dear fellow, replied Don Antonio, I am exactly in the 



THE USURER'S INTERVIEW WITH DON MATTHIAS. 85 

same situation. My man of business is just such another scarecrow as your 
steward. When the sneaking scoundrel, after repeated demands, brings me 
some niggardly supply, it is just as if he was lending me his own. He expos- 
tulates most barbarously. Sir, says he, you are going to rack and ruin ; there 
is an execution out against you. I am obliged to cut him short, and beg him to 
remonstrate in epitome. The worst of it is, said Don Matthias, that there is 
no doing without these fellows ; they are the penance attached to our elegant 

indiscretions. Just so, replied Centelles But listen, pursued he, bursting 

into a fit of laughter ; a pleasant idea has just struck me. Nothing was ever 
more farcically fancied. We may introduce a buffo caricato into our serious 
opera, and relieve the knell of our departed goods and chattels with an 
humorous divertisement. The plot is thus : let me try to borrow from your 
steward whatever you want. You shall do the same with my man of business. 
Then let them both preach as they please ; we shall hearken with the utmost 
composure. Your steward will come and open his case to me ; my man of 
business will plead the poverty of the land to you. I shall hear of nothing but 
your extravagance ; and you will see your own in mine as in a glass. It will 
be vastly entertaining. 

A thousand brilliant conceits followed this flight of genius, and put the 
young patricians into high spirits, so that they kept up the ball with vivacity, if 
not with wit. Their conversation was interrupted by Gregorio Rodriguez, who 
brought back with him a little old man with a bald head. Don Antonio was 
for moving off. Farewell, Don Matthias, said he, we shall meet again anon. I 
leave you with these gentlemen; you have, doubtless, some state affairs to discuss 
in council. Oh ! no, no, answered my master, you had better stop ; you will 
not interrupt us. This warm old gentleman has the moderation to lend me 
money at twenty per cent. What ! at twenty per cent. ! exclaimed Centelles 
in a tone of astonishment. In good truth ! I wish you joy on being in such 
hands. I do not come off so cheaply, for my part : I pay through the nose for 
every farthing I get. My loans are generally raised at double that per cent. 
There is usury ! said the father of the usurious tribe ; unconscionable dogs ! 
Where do they expect to go when thev die ? I do not wonder there is so 
strong a prejudice against money-lenders. It is the exorbitant profit which 
some of them derive from their discounts, that brings reproach and ill-will upon 
us all. If all my brethren of the blue balls were like me, we should not be 
treated so scurvily ; for my part, I only lend to do my duty towards my neigh- 
bour. Ah ! if times were as good now as in my early days, my purse should 
be at your service as a friend ; and even now, in the present distress of the 
money-market, it goes against the grain to take a poor twenty per cent. But 
one would think the money was all gone back to the mines whence it came : 
there is no such thing to be had, and the scarcity compels me to depart a little 
from the disinterested severity of my benevolence. How much do you want ? 
pursued he, addressing my master. Two hundred pistoles, answered Don 
Matthias. I have four hundred here in a bag, replied the usurer ; it is only to 
give you half of them. At the same time he drew from underneath his cloak a 
blue bag, looking just like that in which farmer Talego had left five hundred 
pistoles with Rodriguez. I was not long in forming my judgment of the 
matter, and saw plainly that Melendez had not bragged without reason of the 
steward's aptness in the ways of the world. The old man emptied the bag, 
displayed the cash on a table, and set about counting it. The sight set all my 
master's extravagant passions in a flame ; the sum total proved very striking to 
his comprehension. Signor Descomulgado, said he to the usurer, I have just 
made a very sensible reflection : I am a great fool. I only borrow enough to 
redeem my credit, without thinking of my empty pockets. I should be obliged 



86 ' GIL BLAS. 



to give you the trouble of coming again to-morrow. I think, therefore, it will 
be best to spare your age and infirmities, and ease you of the four hundred at 
once. My lord, answered the old man, I had destined half of this money to a 
good licentiate, who lays out the income of his large preferments in those pious 
and charitable uses for which they were originally given to the clergy, as stew- 
ards of the poor, and guides to the young and unwary. In pursuance of this 
end, it is his great delight to wean young girls from the seductions of a 
wicked world, and place them in a snug well-furnished little box of his own, 
where they may be obnoxious to his ghostly admonitions by day and by night. 
But, since you have occasion for the whole sum, it is at your disposal. Some- 
thing by way of security Oh ! as for security, interrupted Rodriguez, 

taking a paper out of his pocket, you shall have as good as the bank. 
Here is a note which Signor Don Matthias has only just to sign. He makes 
over five hundred pistoles, due from one of his tenants, Talego, a wealthy 
yeoman of Mondejar. That is enough, replied the usurer, I never split hairs, 
but deal upon the square. The steward insinuated a pen between his master's 
fingers, who signed his name at the bottom of the note, without reading it ; 
and whistled as he signed, for want of thought. 

That business settled, the old man took his leave of my noble employer, who 
shook him cordially by the hand, saying : Till I have the pleasure of seeing 
you again, good master pounds, shillings, and pence, I am your most devoted 
humble servant. I do not know why you should all be lumped together for a 
set of blood-suckers ; you seem to me a necessary link in the chain of well- 
ordered society. You are as good as a physician to us pecuniary invalids of 
quality, and keep us alive by artificial restoratives in the last stage of a con- 
sumptive purse. You are in the right, exclaimed Centelles. Usurers are a 
very gentlemanly order in society, and I must not be denied the privilege of 
paying my compliments to this illustrious specimen, for the sake of his twenty 
per cent. With this banter, he came up and threw his arms about the old 
man's neck : and these two overgrown children, for their amusement, began 
sending him backward and forward between them like a shuttlecock. After 
they had tossed him about from pillar to post, they suffered him to depart with 
the steward, who ought to have come in for his share of the game, and for 
something a little more serious. 

When Rodriguez and his stalking-horse had left the room, Don Matthias 
sent, by the lacquey in waiting, half his pistoles to the Countess de Pedrosa, 
and deposited the other half in a long purse worked with gold and silk, which 
he usually wore in his pocket. Very well pleased to find himself in cash, he 
said to Don Antonio, with an air of gaiety : What shall we do with ourselves 
to-day ? Let us call a council. That is talking like a statesman, answered 
Centelles : I am your man : let us ponder gravely. While they were collecting 
their deliberative wisdom on the course they were to pursue for the day, two 
other noblemen came in ; Don Alexo Segiar and Don Ferdinand de Gamboa ; 
both nearly about my master's age, that is, from eight and twenty to thirty. 
These four jolly blades began with such hearty salutations, as if they had not 
met for these ten years. After that, Don Ferdinand, a professed bacchanalian, 
made his proposals to Don Matthias and Don Antonio : Gentlemen, said he, 
where do you dine to-day ? If you are not engaged, I will take you to a tavern, 
where you shall quaff celestial liquor. I supped there last night, and did 
not come away till between five and six this morning. Would to heaven, 
exclaimed my master, I had done the same ! I should not have lost my 
money. 

For my part, said Centelles, I treated myself yesterday evening with a new 
amusement; fo~ variety has always its charms for me. Nothing but a change 



YOUNG NOBLEMEN AND THEIR SERVANTS. 87 

of pleasures can make the dull round of human life supportable. One of my 
friends introduced me neck and heels to one of those gentry ycleped tax-gather- 
ers, who do the government business and their own at the same time. There 
was no want of magnificence, good taste, or a well-designed set out table ! but 
I found in the family itself an highly seasoned relish of absurdity. The farmer 
of the revenues, though the most meanly extracted of the whole party, must 
set up for a great man ; and his wife, though hideously ugly, was a goddess in 
her own estimation, and made a thousand silly speeches, the zest of which was 
heightened by a Biscayan accent. Add to this, that there were four or five 
children with their tutor at table. Judge if it must not have been an amusing 
family party. 

As for me, gentlemen, said Don Alexo Segiar, I supped with Arsenia the 
actress. We were six at table : Arsenia, Florimonde, a coquet of her acquaint- 
ance, the Marquis de Zenette, Don Juan de Moncade, and your humble servant. 
We passed the night in drinking and talking Dawdy. What a flow of soul ! 
To be sure, Arsenia and Florimonde are not strong in their upper works ; but 
then they have a facility in their vocation which is more than all the wit in the 
world. They are the dearest madcaps, gay, romping, and rampant : they are 
an hundred times better than your modest women of sense and discretion. 

Ch. IV. — Gil Bias gets into company with his fellows ; they shew him a ready 
road to the reputation of wit, and impose on him a singular oath. 

Those noblemen pursued this strain of conversation, till Don Matthias, about 
whose person I was fiddling all the while, was ready to go out. He then told 
me to follow him ; and this bevy of fashionables set sail together for the tavern, 
whither Don Ferdinand de Gamboa proposed to conduct them. I began my 
march in the rear rank with three other valets ; for each of the gentlemen had 
his own. I remarked with astonishment that these three servants copied their 
masters, and assumed the same follies. I introduced myself as a new comer. 
They returned my salute in form ; and one of them, after having taken measure 
of me very accurately, said — Brother, I perceive, by your gait, that you have 
never yet lived with a young nobleman. ' Alas ! no, answered I, neither have I 
been long in Madrid. So it appears, replied he, you smell strong of the coun- 
try. You seem timid and embarrassed ; there is an hitch in your deportment. 
But no matter, we will soon wear off all stiffness, take my word for it. Perhaps 
you think better of me than I deserve, said I. No, resumed he, no ; there is 
no such cub as we cannot lick into shape ; assure yourself of that. 

This specimen was enough to convince me that I had hearty fellows for my 
comrades, and that I could not be in better hands to initiate me into high life 
below-stairs. On our arrival at the tavern, we found an entertainment ready 
which Signor'Don Ferdinand had been so provident as to order in the morning. 
Our masters- sat down to table, and we arranged ourselves behind their chairs. 
The conversation was spirited and lively. My ears tingled to hear them. Their 
humour, their way of thinking, their mode of" expression diverted me. What 
fire ! what sallies of imagination ! They appeared like a new order of beings. 
With the dessert, we sat before them a great choice of the best wines in Spain, 
and left the room, to go to dinner in a little parlour, where our cloth was laid. 

I was not long in discovering that the combatants in our lists had more to 
recommend them than appeared at first sight. They were not satisfied with 
aping the manners of their masters, but even copied their phrases ; and these 
varlets gave such a facsimile, that bating a little vulgarity, they might have 
passed themselves off very well. I admired their free and easy carriage ; still 
more was I charmed with their wit, but despaired of ever coming up to them in 



8S GIL BLAS. 



my own person. Don Ferdinand's servant, on the score of his master treating ours, 
did the honours ; and, determined to do the thing genteelly, he called the land- 
lord, and said to him — Master tapster, give us ten bottles of your very best 
wine ; and, as you have an happy knack of doing, make the gentlemen up- 
stairs believe that they have drank them. With all my heart, answered the 
landlord ; but, Master Gaspard, you know that Signor Don Ferdinand owes 
me for a good many dinners already. If through your kind intervention I could 
get some little matter on account .... Oh ! interrupted the valet, do not be 
at all uneasy about your debt : I will take it upon myself ; put it down to me. 
It is true that some unmannerly creditors have preferred legal measures to a 
reliance on our honour ; but we shall take the first opportunity of obtaining a 
replevy, and will pay you without looking at your bill. To have my master on 
your books is like so many ingots of gold. The landlord brought us the wine, 
in spite of unmannerly creditors ; and we drank to a speedy replevy. It was as 
good as a comedy to see us drinking each other's health every minute, under 
our masters' titles. Don Antonio's servant called Don Ferdinand's plain 
Gamboa, and Don Ferdinand's servant called Don Antonio's Centelles : they 
dubbed me Silva ; and we kept pace in drunkenness, under these borrowed 
names, with the noblemen to whom they properly belonged. 

Though my wit was less conspicuous than that of the other guests, they lost 
no opportunity of testifying their pleasure in my acquaintance. Silva, said one 
of our merriest soakers, we shall make something of you, my friend. I perceive 
that you have wit at will, if you did but know how to draw upon it. The fear 
of talking absurdly prevents you from throwing out at all ; and yet it is only by 
a bold push that a thousand people now-a-days set themselves up for good 
companions. Do you wish to be bright ? You have only to give the reins to 
your loquacity, and to venture indiscriminately on whatever comes uppermost : 
your blunders will pass for the eccentricities of genius. Though you should 
utter an hundred extravagancies, let but a single good joke be packed up in the 
bundle, the nonsense shall be all forgotten, the witticism bandied about, and 
your talent be puffed into high repute. This is the happy method our masters 
have devised, and it ought to be adopted by all new candidates. Besides that 
I had but too strong a wish to pass for a clever fellow, the trick they taught me 
appeared so easy in the performance, that it ought not to be buried in obscurity. 
I tried it at once, and the fumes of the wine contributed to my success ; that is 
to say, I talked at random, and had the good luck to strike out of much ab- 
surdity some flashes of merriment, very acceptable to my audience. This first 
essay inspired me with confidence. I redoubled my sprightliness, to sparkle in 
repartee ; and chance gave a successful issue to my endeavours. 

Well done ! said my fellow-servant who had addressed me in the street, do 
not you begin to shake off your rustic manners ? You have not been two hours 
in our company, and you are quite another creature : your improvement will be 
visible every day. This it is to wait on people of quality. It causes an eleva- 
tion, which the mind can never attain under a plebeian roof. Doubtless, answered 
I — and for that reason I shall henceforth dedicate my little talents to the nobility. 
That is bravely said, roared out Don Ferdinand's servant, half seas over, com- 
moners are not entitled to possess such a fund of superior genius as exists in us. 
Come, gentlemen, let us make a vow never to colleague with any such beggarly 
fellows ; let us swear to that by Styx. We laughed heartily at Gaspard's conceit : 
the proposal was received with applause : and we took this mock oath with our 
glasses in our hands. 

Thus sat we at table till our masters were pleased to get up from it. This 
was at midnight ; an outrageous instance of sobriet)', in the opinion of my col- 
leagues. To be sure, these noble lords left the tavern so early only to visit a 



GREG OR 10 DE NORIEGA'S PARTY. 



celebrated wanton, lodging in the purlieus of the court, and keeping open house 
night and day for the votaries of pleasure. She was a woman from five and 
thirty to forty, still in the height of her charms, entertaining in her discourse, 
and so perfect a mistress in the art of pleasure, that she sold the waste and refuse 
of her beauty at a higher price than the first sample of the unadulterated article. 
She had always two or three other pieces of damaged goods in the house, who 
contributed not a little to the great concourse of nobility resorting thither. The 
afternoon was spent in play ; then supper, and the night passed in drinking and 
making merry. Our masters staid till morning, and so did we, without thinking 
the time long ; for, while they were toying with the mistresses, we attacked the 
maids. At length, we all parted when daylight peeped in on our festivities, 
and went to bed each of us at our separate homes. 

My master getting up at his usual time, about noon, dressed himself. He 
went out. I followed him, and we paid a visit to Don Antonio Centelles, with 
whom we found one Don Alvaro de Acuna. He was an old gentleman, who 
gave lectures on the science of debauchery. The rising generation, if they 
wanted to qualify themselves for fine gentlemen, put themselves under his 
tuition. He moulded their ductile habits to pleasure, taught them to make a 
distinguished figure in the world, and to squander their substance : he had no 
qualms as to running out his own, for the deed was done. After these three 
blades had exchanged the compliments of the morning, Centelles said to my 
master — In good faith, Don Matthias, you could not have come at a more lucky 
time. Don Alvar is come to take me with him to a dinner, given by a citizen 
to the Marquis de Zenette and Don Juan de Moncade ; and you shall be of the 
party. And what is the citizen's name ? said Don Matthias. Gregorio de 
Noriega, said Don Alvar, and I will describe the young man in two words;- 
His father, a rich jeweller, is gone abroad, to attend the foreign markets, and 
left his son, at his departure, in the enjoyment of a large income. Gregorio is 
a blockhead, with a turn for every sort of extravagance, and an awkward hank- 
ering after the reputation of wit and fashion, in despite of nature. He has 
begged of me to give him a few instructions. I manage him completely*; and 
can assure you, gentlemen, that I lead him a rare dance. His estate is rather 
deeply dipped already. I do not doubt it, exclaimed Centelles ; I see the vul- 
gar dog in an almshouse. Come, Don Matthias : let us honour the fellow with 
our acquaintance, and be in at the death of him. Willingly, answered my mas- 
ter, for I delight in seeing the fortune of these plebeian upstarts kicked over, 
when they affect to mix among us. Nothing, for instance, ever entertained me 
so much as the downfall of the toll-gatherer's son, whom play, and the vanity of 
figuring among the great, have stripped, till he has not a house over his head. 
Oh ! as for that, replied Don Alvar, he deserves no pity, he is as great a cox- 
comb in his poverty as he was in his prosperity. 

Centelles and my master accompanied Don Alvar to Gregorio de Noriega's 
party. We went there also, that is, Mogicon and myself, both in ecstasy at hav- 
ing an opportunity of spunging on a citizen, and pleasing ourselves with the 
thought of being in at the death of him. At our entrance, we observed several 
men employed in preparing dinner ; and there issued from the ragouts they were 
taking up, a vapour which conciliated the palate through the medium of the nos- 
trils. The Marquis de Zenette and Don Juan de Moncade were just come. The 
founder of the feast seemed a great simpleton. He aped the man of fashion with 
a most clumsy grace ; a wretched copy of admirable originals, or, more properly, 
an idiot in the chair of wisdom and taste. Figure to yourself a man of this cha- 
racter in the centre of five bantering fellows, all intent on making a jest of him, 
and drawing him into ridiculous expenses. Gentlemen, said Don Alvar, after 
the first interchange of civilities, give me leave to introduce you to Signor Gre- 



9 o GIL BLAS. 



gorio de Noriega, a most brilliant star in the hemisphere of fashion. He owns 
a thousand amiable qualities. Do you know that he has an highly cultivated 
understanding? Choose your own subject, he is equally at home in every 
branch, from the subtilty and closeness of logic, to the elementary science of the 
criss-cross-row. Oh ! this is really too flattering, interrupted the scot and lot 
gentleman with a very uncouth laugh. I might, Signor Alvaro, put you to the 
blush as you have put me ; for you may truly be termed a reservoir as it were, 
a common sewer of erudition. I had no intention, replied Don Alvaro, to draw 
upon myself so savoury an encomium ; but truly, gentlemen, Signor Gregorio 
cannot fail of establishing a name in the world. As for me, said Don Antonio, 
what is so delightful in my eyes, far above the honours of logic or the criss-cross- 
row, is the tasteful selection of his company. Instead of demeaning himself to 
the level of tradesmen, he associates only with the young nobility, and sets the 
expense at nought. There is an elevation of sentiment in this conduct which 
enchants me : and this is what you may truly call disbursing with taste and 
judgment. 

These ironical speeches were only the preludes to a continual strain of banter. 
Poor Gregorio was attacked on all hands. The wits shot their bolts by turns, but 
they made no impression on the fool ; on the contrary, he took all they said 
literally, and seemed highly pleased with his guests, as if they did him a favour 
by making him their laughing-stock. In short, he served them for a butt while 
they sat at table, which they did not quit during the afternoon, nor till late at 
night. We, as well as our masters, drank as we liked, so that the servants' -hall 
and the dining-room were in equally high order when we took our leave of the 
young jeweller. 

Ch. V. — Gil Bias becomes the darling of the fair sex, and makes an interesting 
acquaintajue. 

After some hours' sleep I got up in fine spirits ; and calling the advice of Melen- 
dez to mind, went, till my master was stirring, to pay my court to our steward, 
whose vanity was rather flattered by this attention. He received me with a 
gracious air, and inquired how I was reconciled to the habits and manners of 
the young nobility. I answered, that they were strange to me as yet, but that 
use and good example might work wonders in the end. 

Use and good example did work wonders, and that right soon. My temper 
and conduct were quite altered. From a discreet, sober lad, I got to be a live- 
ly, heedless merry andrew. Don Antonio's servant paid me a compliment on 
my transformation, and told me that there wanted nothing but a tender interest 
in the lovely part of the creation to shine like a new star dropped from the hea- 
vens. He pointed out to me that it was an indispensable requisite in the cha- 
racter of a pretty fellow, that all our set were well with some fine woman or 
other ; and that he himself, to his own share, engrossed the favours of two 
beauties in high life. I was of opinion that the rascal lied. Master Mogicon, 
said I, you are doubtless a very dapper, lively little fellow, with a modest as- 
surance ; but still I do not comprehend how women of quality, not having your 
sweet person on their own private establishments, should run the risk of being 
detected in an intrigue with a footman out of doors. Oh ! as for that, answer- 
ed he, they do not know my condition. To my master's wardrobe, and even 
to his name, am I indebted for these conquests. I will tell you how it is. I 
dress myself up as a young nobleman, and assume the manners of one. I go to 
public places, and tip the wink first to one woman and then to another, till I 
meet with one who returns the signal. Her I follow, and find means to speak 
with her. I take the name of Don Antonio Centelles. I plead for an assign- 



GIL BLAS ADVENTURE OF GALLANTRY. 91 

ation, the lady is squeamish about it ; I am pressing, she is kind, et ccetera. 
Thus it is, my fine fellow, that I contrive to carry on my intrigues, and I would 
have you profit by the hint. 

I was too ambitious of shining like a new star dropped from the heavens, to 
turn a deaf ear to such counsel ; besides, there was about me no aversion to an 
amour. I therefore laid a plan to disguise myself as a young nobleman, and 
look out for adventures of gallantry. There was a risk in assuming my mas- 
querade dress at home, lest it might be observed. I took a complete suit from 
my master's wardrobe, and made it up into a bundle, which I carried to a bar- 
ber's, where I thought I could dress and undress conveniently. There I tricked 
myself out to the best advantage. The barber too lent a helping hand to my 
attire. When we thought it adjusted to a nicety, I sauntered towards Saint 
Jerome's meadow, whence I felt morally certain that I should not return with- 
out making an impression. But I could not even get thither, without a proof 
of my own attractions. 

As I was crossing a bye-street, a lady of genteel figure, elegantly dressed, 
came out of a small house, and got into an hired carriage standing at the door. 
I stopped short to look at her, and bowed significantly, so as to convey an in- 
timation that my heart was not insensible. On her part, to show me that her 
face was not less lovely than her person, she lifted up her veil for a moment. 
In the mean time the coach set off, and I stood stock still in the street, not a 
little stiffened at this vision. A vastly pretty woman ! said I to myself, bless 
us ! this is just what is wanting to make me perfectly accomplished. If the two 
ladies who share Mogicon between them are equally handsome, the scoundrel 
is in luck ! I should be delighted with her for a mistress. Ruminating on these 
things, I looked by chance towards the house whence that lovely creature had 
glided, and saw at a window on the ground floor an old woman beckoning me 
to come in. 

I flew like lightning into the house, and found, in a very neat parlour, this 
venerable and wary matron, who, taking me for a marquis at least, dropped a 
low curtsey, and said — I doubt not, my lord, but you must have a bad 
opinion of a woman who, without the slightest acquaintance, beckons you out 
of the street ; but you will perhaps judge more favourably of me when you 
shall know that I do not pay that compliment promiscuously. You look like a 
man of fashion ! You are perfectly in the right, my old girl, interrupted I, 
stretching out my right leg, and throwing the weight of my body on my left 
hip ; mine is, vanity apart, one of the best families in Spain. It must be so by 
your looks, replied she, and I will fairly own that I delight in doing a kindness 
to people of quality, that is my weak side. I watched you through my window. 
You looked very earnestly at a lady who has just left me. Perhaps you may 
have taken a fancy to her ? tell me so plainly. By the honour of my house, 
answered I, she has shot me through the heart. I never saw anything so 
tempting ; a most divine creature ! Do bring us acquainted, my dear, and rely 
on my gratitude. It is worth while to do these little offices for us of the beau 
monde ; they are better paid than our bills. 

I have told you once for all, replied the old woman, I am entirely devoted to 
people of condition ; it is my passion to be useful to them : I receive here, for 
example, a certain class of ladies, whom appearances prevent from seeing their 
favourites at home. I lend them my house, and thus the warmth of their con- 
stitutions is indulged, without risk to their characters. Vastly well, quoth I, 
and you have just done that kindness to the lady in question ? No, answered 
she, this is a young widow of quality, in want of an admirer ; but so difficult in 
her choice, that I do not know whether you will do for her, however great your 
requisites may be. I have already introduced to her three well-furnished gal- 



92 GIL BLAS. 



lants, but she turned up her nose at them. Oh ! egad, my life, exclaimed I 
confidently, you have only to stick me in her skirts, I will give you a good ac- 
count of her, take my word for it. I long to have a grapple with a beauty of 
such peremptory demands, they have not yet fallen in my way. Well, then, said 
the old woman, you have only to come hither to-morrow at the same hour, your 
curiosity shall be satisfied. I will not fail, rejoined I ; we shall see whether a 
young nobleman can miss a conquest. 

I returned to the little barber's without looking for other adventures, but 
deeply interested in the event of this. Therefore, on the following day, I went, 
in splendid attire, to the old woman's an hour sooner than the time. My lord, 
said she, you are punctual, and I take it kindly. To be sure the game is worth 
the chase. I have seen our young widow, and we have had a good deal of talk 
about you. Not a word was to be said ; but I have taken such a liking to you 
that I cannot hold my tongue. You have made yourself agreeable, and will soon 
be a happy man. Between ourselves, the lady is a relishing morsel, her husband 
did not live long with her ; he glided away like a shadow : she has all the merit 
of an absolute girl. The good old lady, no doubt, meant one of those clever 
girls, who contrive not to live single, though they live unmarried. 

The heroine of the assignation came soon in an hired carriage, as on the day 
before, dressed very magnificently. As soon as she came into the room, I led 
off with five or six coxcombical bows, accompanied by the most fashionable 
grimaces. After this, I went up to her with a very familiar air, and said — My 
adored angel, you behold a gentleman of no mean rank, whom your charms 
have undone. Your image, since yesterday, has taken complete possession of 
my fancy ; you have turned a duchess neck and heels out of my heart, who was 
beginning to establish a footing there. The triumph is too glorious for me, an- 
swered she, throwing off her veil, but still my transports are not without alloy. 
Young men of fashion love variety, and their hearts are, they say, bandied about 
from one to the other like a piece of base money. Ah ! my sovereign mistress, 
replied I, let us leave the future to shift for itself, and think only of the present. 
You are lovely, I am in love. If my passion is not hateful to you, let it take 
its course at random. We will embark like true sailors, set the storms and 
shipwreck of a long voyage at defiance, and only take the fair weather of the 
time present into the account. 

In finishing this speech, I threw myself in raptures at the feet of my nymph ; 
and the better to hit off my assumed character, pressed her with some little 
peevishness not to delay my bliss. She seemed a little touched by my remon- 
strances, but thought it too soon to yield, and giving me a gentle rebuff — Hold, 
said she, you are too importunate, this is like a rake. I fear you are but a 
loose young fellow. For shame, madam, exclaimed I ; can you set your face 
against what women of the first taste and condition encourage ? A prejudice 
against what is vulgarly called vice may be all very well for citizens' wives. 
That is decisive, replied she, there is no resisting so forcible a plea. I see 
plainly that with men of your order dissimulation is to no purpose ; a woman 
must meet you half way. Learn then your victory, added she with an appear- 
ance of disorder, as if her modesty suffered by the avowal ; you have inspired 
me with sentiments such as are new to my heart, and I only wait to know who 
you are, that I may take you for my acknowledged lover. I believe you a young 
lord and a gentleman, yet there is no trusting to appearances ; and however 
prepossessed I may be in your favour, I would not give away my affections to a 
stranger. 

I recollected at the moment how Don Antonio's servant had got out of a 
similar perplexity ; and determining, after his example, to pass for my master — 
Madam, said I to my dainty widow, I will not excuse myself from telling you 



THE ADVENTURE ENDS IN A MUTUAL SURPRISE. 93 

my name, it is one that will not disparage its owner. Have you ever heard 
of Don Matthias de Silva ? Yes, replied she ; indeed I have seen him with a 
lady of my acquaintance. Though considerably improved in impudence, I was 
a little troubled by this discovery. Yet I rallied my forces in an instant, and 
extricated myself with a happy presence of mind. Well then, my fair one, re- 
torted I, the lady of your acquaintance knows a lord of my ac- 
quaintance and I am of his acquaintance ; of his own family, since you 

must know it. His grandfather married the sister-in-law of my father's uncle. 
You see we are very near relations. My name is Don Csesar. I am the only 
son of the great Don Ferdinand de Ribera, slain fifteen years ago, in a battle on 
the frontiers of Portugal. I could give you all the particulars of the action ; it 

was a devilish sharp one but to fight it over again would be losing the 

precious moments of mutual love. 

After this discourse I got to be importunate and impassioned, but without 
bringing matters at all forwarder. The favours which my goddess winked at 
my snatching, tended only to make me languish for what she was more chary 
of. The tyrant got back to her coach, which was waiting at the door. Never- 
theless, I withdrew, well enough pleased with my success, though it still fell 
short of the only perfect issue. If, said I to myself, I have obtained indulgences 
but by halves, it is because this lady, forsooth, is a high-born dame, and thinks 
it beneath her quality to play the very woman at the first interview. The pride 
of pedigree stands in the way of my advancement just now, but in a few days 
we shall be better acquainted. To be sure, it did not once come into my head 
that she might be one of those cunning gipsies always on the catch. Yet I 
liked better to look at things on the right side than on the wrong, and thus 
maintained a favourable opinion of my widow. We had agreed at parting to 
meet again on the day after the morrow ; and the hope of arriving at the sum- 
mit of my wishes gave me a foretaste of the pleasures with Avhich I tickled my 
fancy. 

With my brain full of joyous traces, I returned to my barber. Having changed 
my dress, I went to attend my master at the tennis-court. I found him at play, 
and saw that he won ; for he was not one of those impenetrable gamesters who 
make or mar a fortune without moving a muscle. In prosperity he was flippant 
and overbearing, but quite peevish on the losing side. He left the tennis-court 
in high spirits, and went for the Princess Theatre. I followed him to the box- 
door, then putting a ducat into my hand — Here, Gil Bias, said he, as I have 
been a winner to-day, you shall not be the worse for it ; go, divert yourself with 
your friends, and come to me about midnight at Arsenia's, where I am to sup 
with Don Alexo Segiar. He then went in, and I stood debating with whom I 
should disburse my ducat, according to the pious will of the founder. I did 
not muse long. Clarin, Don Alexo's servant, just then came in my way. I took 
him to the next tavern, and we amused ourselves there till midnight. Thence 
we repaired to Arsenia's house, where Clarin had orders to attend. A little 
footboy opened the door, and showed us into a room down-stairs, where Ar- 
senia's waiting-woman, and the lady who held the same office about Florimonde, 
were laughing ready to split their sides, while their mistresses were above-stairs 
with our masters. 

The addition of two jolly fellows just come from a good supper, could not be 
unwelcome to abigails, and to the abigails of actresses too ; but what was my 
astonishment when in one of these lowly ladies I discovered my widow, my 
adorable widow, whom I took for a countess or a marchioness ! She appeared 
equally amazed to see her dear Do,n Csesar de Ribera metamorphosed into the 
valet of a beau. However, we looked at one another without bayng out of 
countenance ; indeed, such a tingling sensation of laughter came over us both, 



94 GIL BLAS. 



as we could not help indulging in. After which Laura, for that was her name, 
drawing me aside while Clarin was speaking to her fellow-servant, held out her 
hand to me very kindly, and said in a low voice — Accept this pledge, Signor 
Don Caesar ; mutual congratulations are more to the purpose than mutual re- 
proaches, my friend. You topped your part to perfection, and I was not quite 
contemptible in mine. What say you ? confess now, did not you take me for one 
of those precious peeresses who are fond of a little smuggled amusement ? It 
is even so, answered I, but whoever you are, my empress, I have not changed 
my sentiments with my paraphernalia. Accept my services in good part, and 
let the valet-de-chambre of Don Matthias consummate what Don Caesar has so 
happily begun. Get you gone, replied she, I like you ten times better in your 
natural than in your artificial character. You are as a man what I am as a 
woman, and that is the greatest compliment I can pay you. You are admitted 
into the number of my adorers. We have no longer any need of the old woman 
as a blind, you may come and see me whenever you like. We theatrical ladies 
are no slaves to form, but live higgledy piggledy with the men. I allow that 
the effects are sometimes visible, but the public wink hard at our irregularities ; 
the drama's patrons, as you well know, give the drama's laws, and absolve us 
from all others. 

We went no further, because there were bystanders. The conversation be- 
came general, lively, jovial, inclining to loose jokes, not very carefully wrapped 
up. We all of us bore a bob. Arsenia's attendant above all, my amiable 
Laura, was very conspicuous ; but her wit was so extremely nimble, that her 
virtue could never overtake it. Our masters and the actresses on the floor 
above, raised incessant peals of laughter, which reached us in the regions below ; 
and probably the entertainment was much alike with the celestials and the 
infernals. If all the knowing remarks had been written down, which escaped 
from the philosophers that night assembled at Arsenia's, I really think it would 
have been a manual for the rising generation. Yet we could not arrest the 
chaste moon in her progress ; the rising of that blab, the sun, parted us. Clarin 
followed the heels of Don Alexo, and I went home with Don Matthias. 

Ch. VI. — The Princes company of comedians. 

My master getting up the next day, received a note from Don Alexo Segiar, 
desiring his company immediately. We went, and found there the Marquis de 
Zenette, and another young nobleman of prepossessing manners, whom I had 
never seen. Don Matthias, said Segiar to my protector, introducing the stranger, 
give me leave to present Don Pompeyo de Castro, a relation of mine. He has 
been at the court of Portugal almost from his childhood. He reached Madrid 
last night, and returns to Lisbon to-morrow. He can allow me only one day. 
I wish to make the most of the precious moments, and thought of asking you 
and the Marquis de Zenette to make out the time agreeably. Thereupon my 
master and Don Alexo's relation embraced heartily, and complimented one an- 
other in the most extravagant manner. I was much pleased with Don Pom- 
peyo's conversation, it showed both acuteness and solidity. 

They dined with Segiar ; and the gentlemen, after the dessert, amused them- 
selves at play till the theatre opened. Then they went all together to the Prince's 
House, to see a new tragedy, called The Queen of Carthage. At the end of the 
piece they returned to supper, and their conversation ran first on the composition, 
then upon the actors. As for the work, cried Don Matthias, I think very light- 
ly of it. Eneas is a more pious blockhead there than in the Eneid. But it must 
be owned that the piece was played divinely. What does Signor Don Pompeyo 
think of it ? He does not seem to agree with me. Gentlemen, said the lllus- 



CRITICISM UPON THE ACTRESSES. 95 

trious stranger with a smile, you are so enraptured with your actors, and still 
more with your actresses, that I scarcely dare avow my dissent. That is very 
prudent, interrupted Don Alexo with a sneer, your criticisms would be ill re- 
ceived. You should be tender of our actresses before the trumpeters of their 
fame. We carouse with them every day, we warrant them sound in their con- 
ceptions : we would give vouchers for the justness of their expression if it were 
necessary. No doubt of it, answered his kinsman, you would do the same kind 
office by their lives and their manners, from the same motives of companionable 
feeling. 

Your ladies of the sock and buskin at Lisbon, said the Marquis de Zenette, 
laughing, are doubtless far superior ? They certainly are, replied Don Pompeyo. 
They are some of them at least perfect in their cast. And these, resumed the 
Marquis, would be warranted by you in their conceptions and expressions ? I 
have no personal acquaintance with them, rejoined Don Pompeyo. I am not 
of their revels, and can judge of their merit without partiality. Do you, in good 
earnest, think your company first-rate ? No, really, said the Marquis, I think 
no such thing, and only plead the cause of a few individuals. I give up all the 
rest. Will you not allow extraordinary powers to the actress who played Dido ? 
Did she not personate that queen with the dignity, and at the same time with 
all the bewitching charms, calculated to realize our idea of the character ? Could 
you help admiring the skill with which she seizes on the passions of the specta- 
tor, and harmonizes their tone to the vibrations she purposes to produce ? She 
may be called perfect in the exquisite art of declaiming. I agree with you, said 
Don Pompeyo, that she can touch the string either of terror or of pity : never 
did any actress come closer to the heart, and the performance is altogether fine ; 
but still she is not without her defects. Two or three things disgusted me 
in her playing. Would she denote surprise ? she glances her eyes to and fro in 
a most extravagant manner, altogether unbecoming her supposed majesty as a 
princess. Add to this, that in swelling her voice, which is of itself sound and 
mellifluous, she goes out of her natural key, and assumes a harsh ranting tone. 
Besides, it would seem as if she might be suspected in more than one passage, 
of not very clearly comprehending her author. Yet I would in candour rather 
suppose her wanting in diligence than capacity. 

As far as I see, said Don Matthias to the critic, you will never write compli- 
mentary odes to our actresses ! Pardon me, answered Don Pompeyo. I can 
discover high talent through all their imperfections. I must say that I was en- 
chanted with the chambermaid in the interlude. What fine natural parts ! 
With what grace she treads the stage ! Has she anything pointed to deliver? 
she heightens it by an arch smile, with a keen glance and sarcastic emphasis, 
which convey more to the understanding than the words to the ear. It might 
be objected that she sometimes gives too much scope to her animal spirits, and 
exceeds the limits of allowable freedom, but that would be hypercritical. There 
is one bad habit I should strongly advise her to correct. Sometimes in the very 
crisis of the action, and in an affecting passage, she bursts in all at once upon 
the interest with some misplaced jest, to curry favour with the mob of barren 
spectators. The pit, you will say, is caught by her artifice ; that may be well 
for her popularity, but not for their taste. 

And what do you think of the men ? interrupted the Marquis ; you must give 
them no quarter, since you have handled the women so roughly. Not so, said 
Don Pompeyo. There are some promising young actors, and I am particularly 
well pleased with that corpulent performer who played the part of Dido's prime 
minister. His recitation is unaffected, and he declaims just as they do in Portu- 
gal. If you can bear such a fellow as that, said Segiar, you must be charmed 
with the representative of Eneas. Did not you think him a great, an original 



96 GIL BLAS. 

performer ? Very original, indeed, answered the critic ; his inflections are quite 
his own, they are as shrill as an hautboy. Almost always out of nature, he 
rattles the impressive words of the sentence off his tongue, while he labours and 
lingers on the expletives ; the poor conjunctions are frightened at their own re- 
port as they go off. He entertained me excessively, and especially when he was 
expressing in confidence his distress at abandoning the princess ; never was grief 
more ludicrously depicted. Fair and softly, cousin, replied Don Alexo ; you 
will make us believe at last that good taste is not greatly cultivated at the court 
of Portugal. Do you know that the actor of whom we are speaking is esteemed 
a phenomenon ? Did you not observe what thunders of applause he called 
down ? He cannot therefore be contemptible. That therefore does not prove 
the proposition, replied Don Pompeyo. But, gentlemen, let us lay aside, 1 
beseech you, the injudicious suffrages of the pit ; they are often given to per- 
formers very unseasonably. Indeed, their boisterous tokens of approbation are 
more frequently bestowed on paltry copies than on original merit, as Phedrus 
teaches us by an ingenious fable. Allow me to repeat it as follows : — 

The whole population of a city was assembled in a large square to see a 
pantomime played. Among the performers there was one whose feats were 
applauded every instant. This buffoon, at the end of the entertainment, wished 
to close the scene with a new device. He came alone upon the stage, stooping 
down, covering his head with his mantle, and began counterfeiting the squeak 
of a pig. He acquitted himself so naturally as to be suspected of having the 
animal itself concealed within the folds of his drapery. He stripped, but there 
was no pig. The assembly rang with more furious applause than ever. A pea- 
sant, among the spectators, was disgusted at this misplaced admiration. Gen- 
tlemen, exclaimed he, you are in the wrong to be so delighted with this buffoon, 
he is not so good a mimic as you take him for. I can enact the pig better ; if 
you doubt it, only attend here this time to-morrow. The people, prejudiced in 
the cause of their favourite, collected in greater numbers on the next day, rather 
to hiss the countryman than to see what he could do. The rivals appeared on 
the stage. The buffoon began, and was more applauded than the day before. 
Then the farmer stooping down in his turn, with his head wrapped up in his 
cloak, pulled the ear of a real pig under his arm, and made it squeal most hor- 
ribly. Yet this enlightened audience persisted in giving the preference to their 
favourite, and hooted the countryman off the boards ; who producing the pig 
before he went, said — Gentlemen, you are not hissing me, but the original pig. 
So much for your judgment. 

Cousin, said Don Alexo, your fable is rather satirical. Nevertheless, in spite 
of your pig, we will not bate an inch of our opinion. But let us change the 
subject, this is grown threadbare. Then you set off to-morrow, do what we can 
to keep you with us longer ? I should like, answered his kinsman, to protract 
my stay with you, but it is not in my power. I have told you already that I 
am come to the court of Spain on an affair of state. Yesterday, on my arrival, 
I had a conference with the prime minister ; I am to see him to-morrow morn- 
ing, and shall set out immediately afterwards on my return to Lisbon. You are 
become quite a Portuguese, observed Segiar, and, to all appearance, we shall 
lose you entirely from Madrid. I think otherwise, replied Don Pompeyo, I 
have the honour to stand well with the King of Portugal, and have many mo- 
tives of attachment to that court ; yet with all the kindness that sovereign has 
testified towards me, would you believe that I have been on the point of quitting 
his dominions for ever. Indeed ! by what strange accident ? said the Marquis. 
Give us the history, I beseech you. Very readily, answered Don Pompeyo, and 
at the same time my own, for it is closely interwoven with the recital for which 
you have called. 



HISTORY OF DON POMPEYO DE CASTRO. 97 

Ch. VII. — Histo>y of Don Pompeyq de Castro. 

Don Alexo knows, that from my boyish days, my passion was for a military 
life. Our own country being at peace, I went into Portugal ; thence to Africa 
with the Duke of Braganza, who gave me a commission. I was a younger 
brother, with as slender a provision as most in Spain ; so that my only chance 
was in attracting the notice of the commander-in-chief by my bravery. I was ' 
so far from deficient in my duty, that the Duke promoted me, step by step, to 
one of the most honourable posts in the service. After a long war, of which 
you all know the issue, I devoted myself to the court ; and the King, on strong 
testimonials from the general officers, rewarded me with a considerable pension. 
Alive to that sovereign's generosity, I lost no opportunity of proving my grati- 
tude by my diligence. I was in attendance as often as etiquette would allow 
me to offer myself to his notice. By this conduct I gained insensibly the love 
of that prince, and received new favours from his hands. 

One day, when I distinguished myself in running at the ring, and in a bull- 
fight preceding it, all the court extolled my strength and dexterity. On my 
return home, with my honours thick upon me, I found there a note, informing 
me that a lady, my conquest over whom ought to flatter me more than all the 
glory I had gained that day, wished to have the pleasure of my company ; and 
that I had only to attend in the evening, at a place marked out in the letter. 
This was more than all my public triumphs, and I concluded the writer to be a 
woman of the first quality. You may guess that I did not loiter by the way. 
An old woman in waiting, as my guide, conducted me by a little garden-gate 
into a large house, and left me in an elegant closet, saying — Stay here, I will 
acquaint my mistress with your arrival. I observed a great many articles of 
value in the closet, which was magnificently illuminated ; but this splendour 
only caught my attention as confirming me in my previous opinion of the lady's 
high rank. If appearances strengthened that conjecture, her noble and majestic 
air on her entrance left no doubt on my mind. Yet I was a little out in my 
calculation. 

Noble sir, said she, after the step I have taken in your favour it were imper- 
tinent to disown my partiality. Your brilliant actions of to-day, in presence of 
the court, were not the inspirers of my sentiments, they only urge forward this 
avoAval. I have seen you more than once, have inquired into your character, 
and the result has determined me to follow the impulse of my heart. But do 
not suppose that you are well with a Duchess. I am but the widow of a cap- 
tain in the King's Guards ; yet there is something to throw a radiance round 

your victory the preference you have gained over one of the first noblemen 

in the kingdom. The Duke d Aimeyda loves me, and presses his suit with 
ardour, yet without success. My vanity only induces me to bear his importunities. 
Though I saw plainly, by this address, that I had got in with a coquet, my 
presiding star was not a whit out of my good graces for involving me in this 
adventure. Donna Hortensia, for that was the lady's name, was just in the 
ripeness and luxuriance of youth and dazzling beauty. Nay, more, she had re- 
fused the possession of her heart to the earnest entreaties of a duke, and offered 
it unsolicited to me. What a feather in the cap of a Spanish cavalier ! I pros- 
trated myself at Hortensia's feet, to thank her for her favours. I talked just as 
a man of gallantry always does talk, and she had reason to be satisfied with 
the extravagance of my acknowledgments. Thus we parted the best friends in 
the world, on the terms of meeting every evening when the Duke d' Aimeyda 
was prevented from coming ; and she promised to give me due notice of his 
absence. The bargain was exactly fulfilled, and I was turned into the Adonis 
of this new Venus. 



98 GIL BLAS. 



But the pleasures of this life are transitory. With all the lady's precautions 
to conceal our private treaty of commerce from my rival, he found means of 
gaining a knowledge, of which it concerned us greatly to keep him ignorant : a 
disloyal chamber-maid divulged the state secret. This nobleman, naturally 
generous, but proud, self-sufficient, and violent, was exasperated at my pre- 
sumption. Anger and jealousy set him beside himself. Taking counsel only 
with his rage, he resolved on an infamous revenge. One night when I was 
with Hortensia, he waylaid me at the little garden-gate, with all his servants 
provided with cudgels. As soon as I came out, he ordered me to be seized, 
and beat to death by these wretches. Lay on, said he, let the rash intruder 
give up the ghost under your chastisement ; thus shall his insolence be punished. 
No sooner had he finished these words, than his myrmidons assaulted me in a 
body, and gave me such a beating, as to stretch me senseless on the ground : 
after which they hurried off with their master, to whom this butchery had been 
a delicious pastime. I lay the remainder of the night, just as they had left me. 
At daybreak some people passed by, who, finding that life was still in me, 
had the humanity to carry me to a surgeon. Fortunately my wounds were not 
mortal ; and, falling into skilful hands, I was perfectly cured in two months. 
At the end of that period I made my appearance again at court, and resumed 
my former way of life, except that I steered clear of Hortensia, who on her 
part made no further attempt to renew the acquaintance, because the Duke, on 
that condition, had pardoned her infidelity. 

As my adventure was the town talk, and I was known to be no coward, 
people were astonished to see me as quiet as if I had received no affront ; for I 
kept my thoughts to myself, and seemed to have no quarrel with any man 
living. No one knew what to think of my counterfeited insensibility. Some 
imagined that, in spite of my courage, the rank of the aggressor overawed me, 
and occasioned my tacit submission. Others, with more reason, mistrusted my 
silence, and considered my inoffensive demeanour as a cover to my revenge. 
The King was of opinion with these last, that I was not a man to put up with 
an insult, and that I should not be wanting to myself at a convenient opportu- 
nity. To discover my real intentions, he sent for me one day into his closet, 
where he said : Don Pompeyo, I know what accident has befallen you, and am 
surprised, I own, at your forbearance. You are certainly acting a part. Sire, 
answered I, how can I know whom to challenge ? I was attacked in the night 
by persons unknown : it is a misfortune of which I must make the best. No, 
no, replied the King, I am not to be duped by these evasive answers. The 
whole story has reached my ears. The Duke d'Almeyda has touched your 
honour to the quick. You are nobly born, and a Castilian : I know what that 
double character requires. You cherish hostile designs. Admit me a party to 
your purposes ; it must be so. Never fear the consequences of making me 
your confidant. 

Since your majesty commands it, resumed I, my sentiments' shall be laid 
open without reserve. Yes, sir, I meditate a severe retribution. Every man, 
wearing such a name as mine, must account for its untarnished lustre with his 
family. You know the unworthy treatment I have experienced ; and I purpose 
assassinating the Duke d'Almeyda, as a mode of revenge correspondent to the 
injury. I shall plunge a dagger in his bosom, or shoot him through the head, 
and escape, if I can, into Spain. This is my design. 

It is violent, said the King : and yet I have little to say against it, after the 
provocation which the Duke d'Almeyda has given you. He is worthy of the 
punishment you destine for him. But do not be in a hurry with your project. 
Leave me to devise a method of bringing you together again as friends. Oh ! 
sir, exclaimed I with vexation, why did you extort my secret from me ? What 



HISTORY OF DON POMPEYO DE CASTRO. 99 

expedient can. ... If mine is not to your satisfaction, interrupted he, you may- 
execute your first intention. I do not mean to abuse your confidence. I shall 
not implicate your honour ; so rest contented on that head. 

I was greatly puzzled to guess by what means the King designed to terminate 
this affair amicably : but thus it was. He sent to speak with the Duke 
d'Almeyda in private. Duke, said he, you have insulted Don Pompeyo de 
Castro. You are not ignorant that he is a man of noble birth, a soldier who 
has served with credit, and stands high in my favour. You owe him repara- 
tion. I am not of a temper to refuse it, answered the Duke. If he complains 
of my outrageous behaviour, I am ready to justify it by the law of arms. Some- 
thing very different must be done, replied the King : a Spanish gentleman un- 
derstands the point of honour too well to fight on equal terms with a cowardly 
assassin. I can use no milder term ; and you can only atone for the heinous- 
ness of your conduct, by presenting a cane in person to your antagonist, and 
offering to submit yourself to its discipline. Oh heaven ! exclaimed the Duke : 
what ! sir, would you have a man of my rank degrade, debase himself before a 
simple gentleman, and submit to be caned ! No, replied the monarch, I will 
oblige Don Pompeyo to promise not to touch you. Only offer him the cane, 
and ask his pardon : that is all I require from you. And that is too much, sir, 
interrupted the Duke d'Almeyda warmly ; I had rather remain exposed to all 
the secret machinations of his resentment. • Your life is dear to me, said the 
king ; and I should wish this affair to have no bad consequences. To terminate 
it with less disgust to yourself, I will be the only witness of the satisfaction 
which I order you to offer to the Spaniard. 

The King was obliged to stretch his influence over the Duke to the utmost, 
before he could induce him to so mortifying a step. However, the peremptory 
monarch effected his purpose, and then sent for me. He related the particulars 
of his conversation with my enemy, and inquired if I should be content with 
the stipulated reparation. I answered, yes : and gave my word that, far from 
striking the offender, I would not even accept the cane, when he presented it. 
With this understanding, the Duke and myself at a certain hour attended the 
King, who took us into his closet. Come, said he to the Duke, acknowledge 
your fault, and deserve to be forgiven by the humility of your contrition. Then 
my antagonist made his apology, and offered me the cane in his hand. Don 
Pompeyo, said the monarch unexpectedly, take the cane, and let not my pre- 
sence prevent you from doing justice to your outraged honour. I release you 
from your promise not to strike the Duke. No, sir, answered I, it is enough 
that he has submitted to the indignity of the offer : an offended Spaniard asks 
no more. Well, then ! replied the King, since you are content with this satis- 
faction, you may both of you at once assume the privilege of a gentlemanly 
quarrel. Measure your swords, and discuss the question honourably. It is 
what I most ardently desire, exclaimed the Duke d'Almeyda in a menacing 
tone ; for that only is competent to make me amends for the disgraceful step I 
have taken. 

With these words, he went away full of rage and shame ; and sent to tell 
me, two hours after, that he was waiting for me, in a retired place. I kept 
the appointment, and found this nobleman ready to fight lustily. He was not 
five and forty ; deficient neither in courage nor in skill : so that the match was 
fair and equal. Come on, Don Pompeyo, said he, let us terminate our differ- 
ence here. Our hostility ought to be reciprocally mortal ; yours, for my ag- 
gression, and mine, for having asked your pardon. These words were no 
sooner out of his mouth, than he drew upon me so suddenly, that I had no 
time to reply. He pressed very closely upon me at first, but I had the good 
fortune to put by all his thrusts. I acted on the offensive in my turn : the en- 



GIL BLAS. 



counter was evidently with a man equally skilled in defence or in attack ; and 
there is no knowing what might have been the issue, if he had not made a 
false step in retiring, and fallen backwards. I stood still immediately, and said 
to the duke, Recover yourself. Why give me any quarter? he answered. 
Your forbearance only aggravates my disgrace. I will not take advantage of 
an accident, replied I ; it would only tarnish my glory. Once more recover 
yourself, and let us fight it out. 

Don Pompeyo, said he rising, after this act of generosity, honour allows me 
not to renew the attack upon you. What would the world say of me, were I 
to wound you mortally ? I should be branded as a coward for having murdered 
a man, at whose mercy 1 had just before lain prostrate, I cannot therefore 
again lift my arm against your life, and I feel my resentful passions subsiding 
into the sweet emotions of gratitude. Don Pompeyo, let us mutually lay aside 
our hatred. Let us go still further ; let us be friends. Ah ! my lord, exclaimed 
I, so flattering a proposal I joyfully accept. I proffer you my sincere friend- 
ship ; and, as an earnest, promise never more to approach Donna Hortensia, 
though she herself should invite me. It is my duty, said he, to yield that lady 
to you. Justice requires me to give her up, since her affections are yours 
already. No, no, interrupted I ; you love her. Her partiality in my favour 
would give you uneasiness ; I sacrifice my own pleasures to your peace. Ah ! 
too generous Castilian, replied the Duke, embracing me, your sentiments are 
truly noble. With what remorse do they strike me ! Grieved and ashamed, I 
look back on the outrage you have sustained. The reparation in the King's 
chamber seems now too trifling. A better recompense awaits you. To obliter- 
ate all remembrance of your shame, take one of my nieces whose hand is at 
my disposal. She is a rich heiress, not fifteen, with beauty beyond the attrac- 
tions of mere youth. 

I made my acknowledgments to the Duke in terms such as the high honour 
of his alliance might suggest, and married his niece a few days afterwards. All 
the court complimented this nobleman on having made such generous amends 
to an insulted rival ; and my friends took part in my joy at the happy issue of 
an adventure which might have led to the most melancholy consequences. From 
this time, gentlemen, I have lived happily at Lisbon. I am the idol of my 
wife, and have not sunk the lover in the husband. The Duke d'Almeyda 
gives me new proofs of friendship every day ; and I may venture to boast of 
standing high in the King of Portugal's good graces. The importance of my 
errand hither sufficiently assures me of his confidence. 

Ch. VIII. — An accident, in consequence of which Gil Bias was obliged to look 
out for anot/ier place. 

Such was Don Pornpeyo's story, which Don Alexo's servant and myself over- 
heard, though we were prudently sent away before he began his recital. In- 
stead of withdrawing, we skulked behind the door, which we had left half open, 
and from that station we did not miss a word. After this, the company went 
on drinking ; but they did not prolong their carousals till the morning, because 
Don Pompeyo, who was to speak with the prime minister, wished for a little 
rest beforehand. The Marquis de Zenette and my master took a cordial leave 
of the stranger, and left him with his kinsman. 

We went to bed for once before daybreak ; and Don Matthias, when he 
awoke, invested me with a new office. Gil Bias, said he, take pen, ink, and 
paper, and write two or three letters as I shall dictate : you shall henceforth be 
my secretary. Well and good ! said I to myself, a plurality of functions. As 
footman, I follow my master's heels ; as valet-de-chambre, I help him to dress ; 



GIL BLAS WRITES FICTITIOUS LOVE-LETTERS. 101 

and write for him as his secretary. Heaven be praised for my apotheosis ! 
like the triple Hecate of the Pantheon, I am to enact three different characters 
at the same time. Can you guess my intention ? continued he. Thus it is : 
but take care what you a/e about ; your life may depend on it. As I am con- 
tinually meeting with fellows who boast of their success among the women, I 
mean, by way of getting the upper hand, to fill my pockets with fictitious love- 
letters, and read them in company. It will be amusing enough. Happier than 
my competitors, who make conquests only for the pleasure of the boast, I 
shall take the credit of intrigue, and spare myself the labour. But vary your 
writing, so that the manufacture may not be detected by the sameness of the 
hand. 

I then sat down to comply with the commands of Don Matthias, who first 
dictated a tender epistle to this tune — You did not keep your promise to-night. 
Ah ! Don Matthias, how will you exculpate yourself? My error was a cruel 
one ! But you punish me deservedly for my vanity, in fancying that business 
and amusement were all to give way before the pleasure of seeing Donna Clara de 
Mendoza ! After this pretty note, he made me write another, as if from a lady who 
sacrificed a prince to him ; and then a third, whose fair writer offered, if she 
could rely on his discretion, to embark with him for the shores of Cytherean 
enchantment. It was not enough to dictate these love-sick strains ; he forced 
me to subscribe them with the most high-flying names in Madrid. I could not 
forbear hinting at some little hazard in all this, but he begged me to keep my 
sage counsels till they were called for. I was obliged to hold my tongue, and 
dispatch his orders out of hand. That done, he got up, and dressed with my 
assistance. The letters were put into his pocket, and out he went. I followed 
him to dinner with Don Juan de Moncade, who entertained five or six gentle- 
men of his acquaintance that day. 

There was a grand set-out, and mirth, the best relish, was not wanting to 
the banquet. All the guests contributed to enliven the conversation, some by 
wit and humour, others by anecdotes of which the relaters were the heroes. 
My master would not lose so fine an opportunity of bringing our joint perform- 
ances to bear. He read them audibly, and with so much assurance, that 
probably the whole party, with the exception of his secretary, was taken in by 
the device. Among the company, before whom this trick was so impudently 
played off, there was one person, by name Don Lope de Velasco. This per- 
son, a very grave don, instead of making himself merry like the rest with the 
fictitious triumphs of the reader, asked him coolly if the conquest of Donna Clara 
had been achieved with any great difficulty ? Less than the least, answered 
Don Matthias ; the advances were all on her side. She saw me in public, and 
took a fancy to my person. A scout was commissioned to follow me, and thus 
she got at my name and condition. She wrote to me, and gave me an appoint- 
ment at an hour of the night when the house was sure to be quiet. I was true 

as the needle to the pole ; her bedchamber was the place But prudence 

and delicacy forbid my describing what passed there. 

At this instance of tender regard for the lady's character, Signor de Velasco 
betrayed some very passionate workings in his countenance. It was easy to see 
the interest he took in the subject. All these letters, said he to my master, 
looking at him with an eye of indignation and contempt, are infamous forgeries, 
and above all that which you boast of having received from Donna Clara de 
Mendoza. There is not in all Spain a more modest young creature than her- 
self. For these two years, a gentleman, at least your equal in birth and per- 
sonal merit, has been trying every method of insinuating himself into her heart. 
Scarcely have his assiduities extorted the slightest encouragement : but yet he 
may flatter himself that, if anything beyond common civility had been granted 



GIL BLAS. 



at all, it would have been to him only. Well ! Who says to the contrary ? 
interrupted Don Matthias in a bantering way. I agree with you, that the lady 
is a very pretty behaved young lady. On my part, I am a very pretty behaved 
young gentleman. Ergo, you may rest assured that nothing took place between 
us but what was pretty and well behaved. Indeed ! This is too much, inter- 
rupted Don Lope in his turn ; let us lay aside this unseasonable jesting. You 
are an impostor. Donna Clara never gave you an appointment by night. Her 
reputation shall not be blackened by your ribaldry. But prudence and delicacy 
forbid -my describing what must pass between you and me. With this retort 
on his lips, he looked contemptuously round, and withdrew with a menacing 
aspect, which anticipated serious consequences to my judgment. My master, 
whose courage was better than his cause, held the threats of Don Lope in derision. 
A blockkead ! exclaimed he, bursting into a loud fit of laughter. Our knights- 
errant used to tilt for the beauty of their mistresses, this fellow would engage 
in the lists for the forlorn hope of virtue in his ; he is more ridiculous than his 
prototypes. 

Velasco's retiring, in vain opposed by Moncade, occasioned no interruption 
to the merriment. The party, without thinking further about it, kept the ball 
up briskly, and did not part till they had made free with the next day. We 
went to bed, that is, my master and myself, about five o'clock in the morning. 
Sleep sat heavy on my eyelids, and, as I thought, was taking permanent pos- 
session thereof ; but I reckoned without my host, or rather without our porter, 
who came and waked me in an hour, to say that there was a lad inquiring for me at 
the door. Oh ! thou infernal porter, muttered I indistinctly, through the inter- 
stices of a long yawn, do you consider that I have but now got to bed ? Tell 
the little rascal that I am just asleep ; he must come again by-and-by. He in- 
sists, replied Cerberus, on speaking with you instantly ; his business cannot wait. 
As that was the case I got up, put on nothing but my breeches and doublet, and 
went down-stairs, swearing and gaping. My friend, said I, be so good as to let 
me know what urgent affair procures me the honour of seeing you so early ? I 
have a letter, answered he, to deliver personally into the hands of Signor Don 
Matthias, to be read by him without loss of time ; it is of the last consequence 
to him — pray show me into his room. As I thought the matter looked serious, 
I took the liberty of disturbing my master. Excuse me, said I, for waking you, 

but the pressing nature What do you want ? interrupted he, just in my 

style with the porter. Sir, said the lad who was at my elbow, here is a letter 
from Don Lope de Velasco. Don Matthias looked at the cover, broke it, and 
after reading the contents, said to the messenger of Don Lope — My good fellow, 
I never get up before noon, let the party be ever so agreeable ; judge whether 
I can be expected to be stirring by six in the morning for a small-sword re- 
creation. You may tell your master, that if he chooses to kick his heels at the 
spot till half-past twelve, we will come and see how he looks there — carry him 
that answer. With this flippant speech he plunged down snugly under the bed- 
clothes and fell fast asleep again as if nothing had happened. 

Between eleven and twelve he got up and dressed himself with the utmost 
composure, and went out, telling me that there was no occasion for my attend- 
ance : but I was too much on the tenterhooks about the result to mind his 
orders. I sneaked after him to Saint Jerome's meadow, where I saw Don Lope 
de Velasco waiting for him. I took my station to watch them ; and was an 
eye-witness to all the circumstances of their rencounter. They saluted, and be- 
gan their fierce debate without delay. The engagement lasted long. They 
exchanged thrusts alternately, with equal skill and mettle. The victory, how- 
ever, was on the side of Don Lope : he ran my master through, laid him help- 
less on the ground, and made his escape, with apparent satisfaction at the severe 



GIL BLAS VISITS LAURA. 



103 



reprisal. I ran up to the unfortunate Don Matthias, and found him in a most 
desperate situation. The sight melted me. I could not help weeping at a 
catastrophe to which I had been an involuntary contributor. Nevertheless, with 
all sympathy, I had still my little wits about me. Home went I in a hurry, 
without saying a word. I made up a bundle of my own goods and chattels, 
inadvertently slipping in some odd articles belonging to my master : and when 
I had deposited this with the barber, where my dress as a fine gentleman was 
still lodged, I published the news of the fatal accident. Any gaper might have 
it for the trouble of listening ; and above all, I took care to make Rodriguez 
acquainted with it. He would have been extremely afflicted, but that his 
own proceedings in this delicate case required all his attention. He called the 
servants together, ordered them to follow him, and we went all together to Saint 
Jerome's meadow. Don Matthias was taken up alive, but he died three hours 
after he was brought home. Thus ended the life of Signor Don Matthias de 
Silva, only for having taken a fancy to reading supposititious love-letters un- 
seasonably. 

Ch. IX. — A new service, after the death of Don Matthias de Silva. 

Some days after the funeral, the establishment was paid up and discharged. 
I fixed my head-quarters with the little barber, in a very close connection with 
whom I began to live. It seemed to promise more pleasure than with Melen- 
dez. As I was in no want of money, it was time enough to think of another 
place : besides, I had got to be rather nice on that head. I would not go into 
service any more, but in families above the vulgar. In short, I was determined 
to inquire very strictly into the character of a new place. The best would not 
be too good ; such high pretensions did the late valet of a young nobleman 
think himself entitled to assume above the common herd of servants. 

Waiting till fortune should throw a situation in my way, worthy to be hon- 
oured by my acceptance, I thought I could not do better than to devote my 
leisure to my charming Laura, whom I had not seen since the pleasant occur- 
rence of our double discovery. I could not venture on dressing as Don Csesar 
de Ribera ; it would have been an act of madness to have assumed that style but 
as a disguise. Besides that my own suit was not much out of condition, all 
smaller articles had propagated miraculously in the aforesaid bundle. I made 
myself up, therefore, with the barber's aid, as a sort of middle man between Don 
Caesar and Gil Bias. In this demi-character, I knocked at Arsenia's door. 
Laura was alone in the parlour where we had met last. Ah ! is it you ? cried 
she, as soon as she saw me ; I thought you were lost. You have had leave to 
come and see me for this week : but it seems you are modest, and do not pre- 
sume too much on your license. 

I made my apology on the score of my master's death, with my own engage- 
ments consequent thereupon ; and I added, in the spirit of gallantry, that in my 
greatest perplexities, my lovely Laura had always been foremost in my thoughts. 
That being so, said she, I have no more reproaches to make ; and I will frankly 
own that I have thought of you. As soon as I was acquainted with the un- 
timely end of Don Matthias, a plan occurred to me, probably not quite dis- 
pleasing to you. I have heard my mistress say some time ago, that she wanted 
a sort of man of business ; a good arithmetician, to keep an exact account of our 
outgoings. I fixed my affections on your lordship ; you seem exactly calculated 
for such an office. I feel myself, answered I, a steward by inspiration. I have 
read all that Aristotle has written on finance ; and as for reducing it to the modern 

system of book-keeping But, my dear girl, there is one impediment in 

the way. What impediment ? said Laura. I have sworn, replied I, never again 



104 . GIL BLAS. 



to live with a commoner : I have sworn by Styx, or something else as binding. 
If Jupiter could not burst the links of such an oath, judge whether a poor serv- 
ant ought not to be bound by it. What do you mean by a commoner ? re- 
joined the impetuous abigail : for what do you take us actresses ? Do you 
take us for the ribs of the limbs of the law ? for attorneys' wives ? I would 
have you to know, my friend, that actresses rank with the first nobility ; being 
only common to the uncommon, and therefore, though common, uncommonly 
illustrious. 

On that footing, my uncommon commoner, said I, the post you have destined 
for me is mine : I shall not lower my dignity by accepting it. No, to be sure, 
said she : backwards and forwards between a puppy of fashion and a she-wolf 
of the stage ; why, it is exactly preserving an equilibrium of rank in the creation. 
We are sympathetic animals, just on a level with the people of quality. We 
have our equipages in the same style ; we give our little suppers on the same 
scale ; and on the broad ground we are just of as much use in civil society. In 
fact, to draw a parallel between a marquis and a player through the space of 
four and twenty hours, they are just on a par. The marquis, for three-fourths 
of the time, ranks above the player by political courtesy and sufferance : the 
player, during his hour on the stage, overtops the marquis in the part of an em- 
peror or a king, which he better knows how to enact. Thus there seems to be 
a balance between natural and political nobility, which places us at least on a 
level with the live lumber of the court. Yes, truly, replied I, you are a match 
for one another, there is no gainsaying it. Bless their dear hearts ! the players 
are not men of straw, as I foolishly believed, and you have made my mouth 
water to serve such a worshipful fraternity. Well, then ! resumed she, you have 
only to come back again in two days. That time will be sufficient to incline 
my mistress in your favour ; I will speak up for you. She is a little under my 
influence ; I do not fear bringing you under this roof. 

•I thanked Laura for her good dispositions. My gratitude took the readiest 
way to prove itself to her comprehension ; and my tender thrillings expressed 
more than words. We had a pretty long conversation together, and it might 
have lasted till this time, if a little skipping fellow had not come to tell my 
nymph of the side scenes that Arsenia was inquiring for her. We parted. I 
left the house, in the sweet hope of soon living there scot-free ; and my face was 
shown up again at the door in two days. I was looking out for you, said my 
accomplished scout, to assure you that you are a messmate at this house. Come, 
follow me ; I will introduce you to my mistress. At these words, she led me 
into a suite of five or six rooms on a floor, in a regular gradation of costly fur- 
niture and tasteful equipment. 

What luxury ! What magnificence ! I thought myself in presence of a vice- 
queen, or, to mend the poverty of the comparison, in a fairy palace, where all 
the riches of the earth were collected. In fact, there were the productions of 
many people and of many countries, so that one might describe this residence 
as the temple of a goddess, whither every traveller brought some rare product 
of his native land, as a votive offering. The divinity was reclining on a volup- 
tuous satin sofa : she was lovely in my eyes, and pampered with the fumes of 
daily sacrifices. She was in a tempting dishabille, and her polished hands were 
elegantly busy about a new head-dress for her appearance that evening. Ma- 
dam, said the abigail, here is that said steward ; take my word for it, you will 
never get one more to your liking. Arsenia looked at me very inquisitively, and 
did not find me disagreeable. Why, this is something, Laura, cried she ; a 
very smart youth truly : I foresee that we shall do very well together. Then 
directing her discourse to me, Young man, added she, you suit me to a hair, 
and I have only one observation to make : you will be pleased with me, if I am 




<P/ffiZ/A?/^ 



Gil Bias and the Actors.— p. 105. 



LAURA MAKES GIL BLAS JEALOUS. 105 

so with you. I answered that I should do my utmost to serve her to her heart's 
content. As I found that the bargain was struck, I went immediately to fetch 
in my own little accommodations, and returned to take formal possession. 

Ch. X. — Much such another as the foregoing. 

It was near the time of the doors opening. My mistress told me to attend her 
to the theatre with Laura. We went into her dressing-room, where she threw 
off her ordinary attire, and assumed a more splendid costume for the stage. 
When the performance began, Laura shewed me the way, and seated herself by 
my side where I could see and hear the actors to advantage. They disgusted 
me for the most part, doubtless because Don Pompeyo had prejudiced me against 
them. Several of them were loudly applauded, but the fable of the pig would 
now and then come across my mind. 

Laura told me the names of the actors and actresses as they made their en- 
trances. Nor did she stop there, for the hussey gave some highly seasoned 
anecdotes into the bargain. Her characters were, crack -brain for this, imperti- 
nent fellow for that. That delicate sample of sin, who depends on her wanton- 
ness for her attractions, goes by the name of Rosarda : a bad speculation for the 
company ! She ought to be sent with the next cargo to New Spain, she may 
answer the purpose of the viceroy. Take particular notice of that brilliant star 
now coming forward ; that magnificent setting sun, increasing in bulk as its fires 
become less vivid. That is Casilda. If from that distant day when she first 
laid herself open to her lovers, she had required from each of them a brick to 
build a pyramid, like an ancient Egyptian princess, the edifice by this time would 
have mounted to the third heaven. In short, Laura tore all character to pieces 
by her scandal. Heaven forgive her wicked tongue ! She blasphemed her own 
mistress. 

And yet I must own my weakness. I was in love with the wench, though 
her morals were not strictly pure. She scandalized with so winning a malignity 
that one liked her the better for it. Off went the jill-flirt between the acts, to 
see if Arsenia wanted her ; but instead of coming straight back to her place, 
she amused herself behind the scenes, in laying herself out for the little flatteries 
of all the wheedling fellows. I dogged her once, and found that she had a very 
large acquaintance. No less than three players did I reckon up, who stopped 
to chat with her one after the other, and they seemed to be on a very improv- 
able footing. This was not quite so well ; and for the first time in my life I felt 
what jealousy was. I returned to my seat so absent and out of spirits, that 
Laura remarked it as soon as she came back to me. What is the matter, Gil 
Bias, said she with astonishment ; what blue devil has perched upon your 
shoulder in my absence ? You look gloomy and out of temper. My fairy 
queen, answered I, it is not without reason, you have an ugly kick in your gal- 
lop. I have observed you with the players So, so ! An admirable 

subject for a long face, interrupted she with a laugh. What ! That is your 
trouble, is it ? Why really ! You are a very silly swain ; but you will get better 
notions among us. You will fall by degrees into our easy manners. No jeal- 
ousy, my dear creature, you will be completely laughed out of it in the theatri- 
cal world. The passion is scarcely known there. Fathers, husbands, brothers, 
uncles, and cousins, are all upon a liberal plan of community, and often make a 
strange jumble of relationships. 

After having warned me to take no umbrage, but to look at everything like 
a philosophical spectator, she vowed that I was the happy mortal who had 
found the way to her heart. She then declared that she should love me always, 
and only me. On this assurance, which a man might have doubted with- 



io6 GIL BLAS. 



out criminal scepticism, I promised her not to be alarmed any more, and kept 
my word. I saw her, on that very evening, whisper and giggle with more men 
than one. At the end of the play we returned home with our mistress, 
whither Florimonde came soon after to supper, with three old noblemen and a 
player. Besides Laura and myself, the establishment consisted of a cook-maid, 
a coachman, and a little footboy. We all laboured in our respective vocations. 
The lady of the frying-pan, no less an adept than Dame Jacintha, was assisted 
in her cookery by the coachman. The waiting-woman and the little footboy 
laid the cloth, and I set out the sideboard, magnificently furnished with plate, 
offered up at the shrine of our green-room goddess. There was every variety of 
wines, and I played the cup-bearer, to show my mistress the versatility of my 
talents. I sweated at the impudence of the actresses during supper; they 
gave themselves quality airs, and affected the tone of high life. Far from 
giving their guests all their style and titles, they did not even vouchsafe a simple 
" Your lordship, " but called them familiarly by their proper names. To be 
sure, the old fools encoui-aged their vanity by forgetting their own distance. 
The player, for his part, in the habits of the heroic cast, lived on equal terms with 
them ; he challenged them to drink, and in every respect took the upper hand. 
In good truth, said I to myself, while Laura was demonstrating the equality of 
the Marquis and the comedian during the clay, she might have drawn a still 
stronger inference for the night, since they pass it so merrily in drinking 
together. 

Arsenia and Florimonde were naturally frolicsome. A thousand broad 
hints escaped them, intermingled with small favours, and then a coquettish 
revolt at their own freedom, which were all seasoned exactly to the taste of 
these old sinners. While my mistress was entertaining one of them with a 
little harmless toying, her friend, between the other elders, had not taken the 
cue of Susanna. While I was contemplating this picture, which had but too 
many attractions for a knowing youth like me, the dessert was brought in. 
Then I set the bottles and glasses on the table, and made my escape to sup 
with Laura, who was waiting for me. How now ! Gil Bias, said she, what 
do you think of those noblemen above-stairs ? Doubtless, answered I, they are 
deeply smitten with Arsenia and Florimonde. No, replied she, they are old 
sensualists, who hang about our sex without any particular attachment. All 
they ask is some little frivolous compliance, and they are generous enough to 
pay well for the least trifle of amorous endearment. Heaven be praised, Flo- 
rimonde and my mistress are at present without any serious engagements ; I 
mean that they have no husband-like lovers, who expect to engross all the 
pleasures of a house, because they stand to the expenses. For my part, I am 
very glad of it : and maintain that a sensible woman of the world ought to 
refuse all such monopolies. Why take a master ? It is better to support an 
establishment by retail trade, than to confine one's self to chamber practice on 
such terms. 

When Laura's tongue was wound up, and it was seldom down, words seemed 
to cost her nothing. What a glorious volubility ! She told a thousand stories 
of the actresses belonging to the prince's company ; and I gathered from her 
whole drift that I could not be better situated to take a scientific view of the 
cardinal vices. Unfortunately I was at an age when they inspire but little hor- 
ror ; and this abigail had the' art of colouring her corruptions so lusciously as 
to hide their deformities and heighten their meretricious lure. She had not 
time to open the tenth part of her theatrical budget, for she did not talk more 
than three hours. The senators and the player went away with Florimonde, 
whom they saw safe home. 

When they were gone, my mistress said to me — Here, Gil Bias, are ten pis- 



A THEATRICAL LIFE. 107 

toles to go to market to-morrow. Five or six of our gentlemen and ladies are to 
dine here, take care that we are well served. Madam, answered I, with this 
sum there shall be a banquet for the whole troop. My friend, replied Arsenia, 
correct your phraseology ; you must say company, not troop. A troop of rob- 
bers, a troop of beggars, a troop of authors ; but a company of comedians, 
especially when you have to mention the actors of Madrid. I begged my mis- 
tress's pardon for having used so disrespectful a term, and entreated her to 
excuse my ignorance. I protested that henceforward, when I spoke collectively 
of so august a body, I would always say the company. 

Ch. XI. — A theatrical life and an author's life. 

I took the field the next morning, to open my campaign as steward. It was 
a fish day ; for which reason I bought some good fat chickens, rabbits, par- 
tridges, and every variety of game. As the gentlemen of the sock and buskin 
are not on the best possible terms with the church, they are not over-scrupulous 
in their observance of the rubric. I brought home provisions more than enough 
for a dozen portly gentlemen to have fasted on during a whole Lent The 
cook had a good morning's work. While she was getting dinner ready, 
Arsenia got up and spent the early part of the day at her toilet. At noon 
came two of the players, Signor Rosimiro and Signor Ricardo. Afterwards 
two actresses, Constance and Celinaura ; then entered Florimonde, attended 
by a man who had all the appearance of a most spruce cavalier. He had his 
hair dressed in the most elegant manner, his hat set off with a fashionable 
plume, very tight breeches, and a shirt with a laced frill. His gloves and his 
handkerchief were in the hilt of his sword, and he wore his cloak with a grace 
altogether peculiar to himself. 

With a prepossessing physiognomy and a good person, there was something 
extraordinary in the first blush of him. This gentleman, said I to myself, must 
be an original. I was not mistaken ; his singularities were striking. On his 
entrance, he ran with open arms and embraced the company, male and female, 
one after another. His grimaces were more extravagant than any I had yet 
seen in this region of foppery. My prediction was not falsified by his discourse. 
He dwelt with fondness on every syllable he uttered, and pronounced his words 
in an emphatic tone, with gestures and glances artfully adapted to the subject. 
I had the curiosity to ask Laura who this strange figure might be. I forgive 
you, said she, this instance of an inquisitive disposition. It is impossible to 
see and to hear Signor Carlos Alonso de la Ventoleria for the first time, with- 
out having such a natural longing. I will paint him to the life. In the first 
place, he was originally a player. He left the stage through caprice, and has 
since repented in sober sadness of the step. Did you. notice his dark hair? 
Every thread of it is pencilled, as well as his eyebrows and his whiskers. He 
was born in the reign of Saturn's father, in the age before the golden ; but as 
there were no parish registers at that time, he avails himself of the primitive 
barbarism, and dates at least twenty centuries below the true epoch. Moreover, 
his self-sufficiency keeps pace with his antiquity. He passed the olympiads of 
his youth in the grossest ignorance ; but taking a fancy to become learned about 
the Christian era, he engaged a private tutor, who taught him to spell in Greek 
and Latin. Nay, more, he knows by heart an infinite number of good stories, 
which he has given so often as genuine, that he actually begins to believe them 
himself. They are eternally pressed into the service, and it may truly be said 
that his wit shines at the expense of his memory. He is thought to be a great 
actor. I am willing to believe it implicitly, but I must own he is not to my 
taste. He declaims here sometimes ; and I have observed, among other defects, 



io8 GIL BLAS. 



an affectation in his delivery, with a tremulousness of voice bordering on the 
antiquated and ridiculous. 

Such was the portrait drawn by my abigail of this honorary spouter ; and 
never was mortal of a more stately carriage. He prided himself too on being 
an agreeable companion. He never was at a loss for a commodity of trite re- 
marks, which he delivered with an air of authority. On the other hand, .the 
Thespian fraternity were not much addicted to silence. They began canvassing 
their absent colleagues in a manner little consistent with charity, it must be 
owned ; but this is a failing pardonable in players as well as in authors. The 
fire grew brisk and the satire personal. You have not heard, ladies, said Ro- 
simiro, a new stroke of our dear brother Cesarino. This very morning he 
bought silk stockings, ribbons, and laces, and sent them to rehearsal by a 
little page, as a present from a countess. What a knavish trick ! said Signor 
de la Ventoleria, with a smile made up of fatuity and conceit. In my time there 
was more honesty, we never thought of descending to such impositions. To be 
sure, women of fashion were tender of our inventive faculties, nor did they 
leave such purchases to be made out of our own pockets ; it was their whim. 
By the honour of our house, said Ricardo, in the same strain, that whim of theirs 

is lasting, and if it were allowable to kiss and tell But one must be secret 

on these occasions, above all when persons of a certain rank are concerned. 

Gentlemen, interrupted Florimonde, a truce, if you please, with your con- 
quests and successes, they are known over the whole earth. Apropos of Is- 
mene. It is said that the nobleman who has fooled away so much money upon 
her, has at length recovered his senses. Yes, indeed, exclaimed Constance ; 
and I can tell you besides that she has lost, by the same stroke, a snug little 
hero of the counting-house, whose ruin would otherwise have been signed and 
sealed. I have the thing from the first hand. Her Mercury made an unfor- 
tunate mistake, for he carried a tender invitation to each, and delivered them 
wrong. These were great losses, my darling, quoth Florimonde. Oh ! as for 
that of the lord, replied Constance, it is a very trifling matter. The man of 
blood had almost run through his estate, but the little fellow with the pen be- 
hind his ear was but just coming into play. He had never been fleeced before, 
it is a pity he should have escaped so easily. 

Such was the tenor of the conversation before dinner, and it was not much 
mended in its morality at table. As I should never have done with the recital 
of all their ribaldry and nonsense, the reader will excuse the omission, and pass 
on to the entrance of a poor devil, yclept an author, who called just befoie the 
cloth was taken away. 

Our little footboy came and said to my mistress in an audible voice- — 
Madam, a man in a dirty shirt, splashed up to his middle, with very much the 
look of a poet, saving your presence, wants to speak to you. Let him walk 
up, answered Arsenia. Keep ) r our seats, gentlemen, it is only an author. To 
be sure so it was, one whose tragedy had been accepted, and he was bringing 
my mistress her part. His name was Pedro de Moya. On coming into the 
room he made five or six low bows to the company, who neither rose nor took 
the least notice of him. Arsenia just returned his superabundant civilities with 
a slight inclination of the head. He came forward with tremor and embarrass- 
ment. He dropped his gloves and let his hat fall. He ventured to pick them 
up again, then advanced towards my mistress, and presenting to her a paper 
Avith more ceremony than a defendant an affidavit to the judge of the court — 
Madam, said he, have the goodness to receive under your protection the part 
I take the liberty of offering you. She stretched out her hand for it with cold 
and contemptuous indifference ; nor did she condescend even to notice the 
compliment by a look. 



AN A UTHOR'S LIFE. 109 

But our author was not disheartened. Seizing this opportunity to distribute 
the cast, he gave one character to Rosimiro and another to Florimonde, who 
treated him just as genteelly as Arsenia had done. On the contrary, the low 
comedian, a very pleasant fellow, as those gentlemen for the most part affect 
to be, insulted him with the most cutting sarcasms. Pedro de Moya was not 
made of stone. Yet he dared not take up the aggressor, lest his piece should 
suffer for it. He withdrew without saying a word, but stung to the quick, as 
it seemed to me, by his reception. He could not fail, in the transports of his 
anger, mentally to apostrophize the players as they deserved : and the players, 
when he was gone, began to talk of authors in return with infinite deference 
and kindness. It should seem, said Florimonde, as if Signor de Moya did not 
go away very well pleased. 

Well ! madam, cried Rosimiro, and why should you trouble yourself about 
that ? Are we to study the feelings of authors ? If we were to admit them 
upon equal terms, it would only be the way to spoil them. I know that con- 
temptible squad ; I know them of old : they would soon forget their distance. 
There is no dealing with them but as slaves ; and as for tiring their patience, 
never fear that. Though they may take themselves off in a pet sometimes, the 
itch of writing brings them back again ; and they are raised to the third heaven, 
if we will but condescend to support their pieces. You are right, said Arsenia ; 
we never lose an author till we have made his fortune. When that is done, as 
soon as we have provided for the ungrateful devils, they get to be in good case, 
and then they run restive. Luckily the manager does not break his heart after 
them, and one is just as good as another to the public. 

These liberal and sagacious remarks met with their full share of approbation. 
It was carried unanimously that authors, though treated rather too scurvily be- 
hind the scenes, were on the whole the obliged persons. These fretters of an 
hour upon the stage ranked the inhabitant of Parnassus below themselves ; and 
malice could not degrade him lower. 

Ch. XII. — Gil Bias acquires a relish for the theatre, and takes a full swing of 
its pleasures, but soon becomes disgusted. 

The party sat at table till it was time to go to the theatre. I went after them, 
and saw the play again that evening. I took such delight in it, that I was for 
attending every day. I never missed, and by degrees got accustomed to the 
actors. Such is the force of habit. I was particularly delighted with those who 
were most artificial and unnatural ; nor was I singular in my taste. 

The beauties of composition affected me much on the same principle as the 
excellence of representation. There were some pieces with which I was en- 
raptured. I liked, among others, those which brought all the cardinals or the 
twelve peers of France upon the stage. I got hold of striking passages in these 
incomparable performances. I recollect that in two days I learnt by heart a 
whole play, called, The Queen of Flowers. The Rose, who was the queen, 
had the Violet for her maid of honour, and the Jessamin for her prime minister. 
I could conceive nothing more elegant or refined : such productions seemed to 
be the triumph of our Spanish wit and invention. 

I was not content to store my memory and discipline my mind with the 
choicest selections from these dramatic masterpieces : but I was bent on polish- 
ing my taste to the highest perfection. To secure this grand object, I listened 
with greedy ears to every word which fell from the lips of the players. If they 
commended a piece, I was ravished by it : but suppose they pronounced it 
bad ? why, then I maintained that it was infernal stuff. I conceived that they 
must determine the merits of a play, as a jeweller the water of a diamond. 



GIL BLAS. 



And yet the tragedy by Pedro de Moya was eminently successful, though they 
had predicted its entire miscarriage. This, however, was no disparagement of 
their critical skill in my estimation ; and I had rather believe the audience to 
be divested of common sense, than doubt the infallibility of the company. But 
they assured me, on all hands, that their judgments were usually confirmed by 
the rule of contraries. It seemed to be a maxim with thetn, to set their faces 
point blank against the taste of the public ; and as a proof of this, there were 
a thousand cases in point of unexpected succcesses and failures. All these tes- 
timonies were scarcely sufficient to undeceive me. 

I shall never forget what happened one day at the first representation of a 
new comedy. The performers had pronounced it uninteresting and tedious ; 
they had even prophesied that it would not be heard to the end. Under this 
impression, they got through the first act, which was loudly applauded. This 
was very astonishing ! They played the second act ; the audience liked it still 
better than the first. The actors were confounded. What the devil, said 
Rosimiro, this comedy succeeds ! At last they went on in the third act, which 
rose as a third act ought to rise. I am quite thrown upon my back, said Ri- 
cardo ; we thought this piece woidd not be relished ; and all the world are 
mad after it. Gentlemen, said one of the players archly, it is because we hap- 
pened accidentally to overlook all the wit. 

From this time I held my opinion no longer of the players as competent 
judges, and began to appreciate their merit more truly than they had estimated 
that of the authors. All the lampoons which were current about them were 
fully justified. The actors and actresses ran riot on the applauses of the town, 
and stood so high in their own conceit, as to think that they conferred a favour 
by appearing on the boards. I was shocked at their public misconduct ; but 
unfortunately reconciled myself too easily to their private manners, and plunged 
into debauchery. How could I do otherwise ? 'Every word they uttered w£s 
poison in the ears of youth, and every scene that was presented, an alluring 
picture of corruption. Had I been a stranger to what passed with Casilda, with 
Constance, and with the other actresses, Arsenia's house alone would have been 
sufficient for my ruin. Besides the old noblemen of whom I have spoken, 
there came thither young debauchees of fashion, who forestalled their inherit- 
ances by the disinterested mediation of money-lenders : and sometimes we had 
officers under government, who were so far from receiving fees, as at their 
public boards, that they paid most exorbitant ones for the privilege of mixing 
with such worshipful society. 

Florimonde, who lived at next door, dined and supped with Arsenia every 
day. Their long intimacy surprised eveiy one. Coquets were not thought 
usually to maintain so good an understanding with each other. It was con- 
cluded that they would quarrel, sooner or later, about some paramour ; but 
such reasoners could not see into the hearts of these exemplary friends. They 
were united in the bonds of indissoluble love. Instead of harbouring jealousy, 
like other women, they had everything in common. They had rather divide 
the plunder of mankind, than childishly fall out, and contend for trumpery, as 
hearts and affections. 

Laura, after the example of these two illustrious partners, turned the fresh 
season of youth to the best advantage. She had told me that I should see 
strange doings. And yet I did not take up the jealous part. I had promised 
to adopt the principles of the company on that score. For some days I kept 
my thoughts to myself. I only just took the liberty of asking her the names of 
the men whom she favoured with her private ear. She always told me that 
they were uncles or cousins. From what a prolific family was she sprung ! 
King Priam had no luck in propagation, compared with her ancestors. Nor 



GIL BIAS Q UITS ARSE N7 AS SER VICE. 1 1 1 

did this precious abigail confine herself to her uncles and cousins : she went 
now and then to lay a trap for unwary aliens, and personate the widow of 
quality under the auspices of the discreet old dowager above mentioned. In 
short Laura, to hit off her character exactly, was just as young, just as pretty, 
and just as loose as her mistress, who had no other advantage over her than 
that of figuring in a more public capacity. 

I was borne down by the torrent for three weeks, and ran the career of dis- 
sipation in my turn. But I must at the same time say for myself, that in the 
midst of pleasure I frequently felt the still small voice of conscience, arising 
from the impression of a serious education, which mixed gall in the Circean 
cup. Riot could not altogether get the better of remorse : on the contrary, the 
pangs of the last grew keener with the more shameful indulgence of the first ; 
and, by a happy effect of my temperament, the disorders of a theatrical life 
began to make me shudder. Ah ! wretch, said I to myself, is it thus that you 
make good the hopes of your family ? Is it not enough to have thwarted their 
pious intentions, by not following your destined course of life as an instructor 
of youth ? Need your condition of a servant hinder you from living decently 
and soberly ? Are such monsters of iniquity fit companions for you ? Envy, 
hatred, and avarice are predominant here ; intemperance and idleness have 
purchased the fee-simple there : the pride of some is aggravated into the most 
barefaced impudence, and modesty is turned out of doors, by the common con- 
sent of all. The business is settled : I will not live any longer with the seven 
deadly sins. 



BOOK THE FOURTH. 

Ch. I. — Gil Bias not being able to reconcile himself to the morals of the actresses, 
quits Arsenia, and gets into a more reputable service. 

A SURVIVING spark of honour and of religion, in the midst of so general de- 
pravity, made me resolve not only to leave Arsenia, but even to abjure all com- 
merce with Laura, whom yet I could not cease to love, though I was well 
aware of her daily inconstancy. Happy the man who can thus profit by those 
appeals, which occasionally interrupt the headlong course of his pleasures ! 
One fine morning, I made up my bundle; and, without reckoning with Arsenia, 
who indeed owed me next to nothing, without taking leave of my dear Laura, I 
burst from that mansion, which smelt of brimstone and fire reserved for the 
wicked. I had no sooner taken so virtuous a step, than providence interfered 
in my behalf. I met the steward of my late master, Don Matthias, and greeted 
him : he knew me again at once, and stopped to inquire where I lived. I an- 
swered that I had just left my place ; that after staying near a month with 
Arsenia, whose manners did not at all suit me, I was come away by a sudden 
impulse of virtue, to save my innocence. The steward, just as if he had been 
himself of a religious cast, commended my scruples, and offered me a place 
much to my advantage, since I was so chaste and honest a youth. He kept his 
word, and introduced me on that very day into the family of Don Vincent de 
Gusman, with whose agent he was acquainted. 

I could not have got into a better service ; nor did I repent in the sequel of 
having accepted the situation. Don Vincent was a very rich old nobleman, 
who had lived many years unincumbered with lawsuits or with a wife. The 
physicians had removed the last plague out of the way, in their attempts to rid 



GIL BLAS. 



her of a cough, which might have lasted a great while longer, if the remedies 
had not been more fatal than the disease. Far from thinking of the holy state 
a second time, he gave himself up entirely to the education of his only daughter 
Aurora, who was then entering her twenty-sixth year, and might pass for an 
accomplished person. With beauty above the common, she had an excellent 
and highly cultivated understanding. Her father was a poor creature as to in- 
tellect ; but he possessed the happy talent of looking well after his affairs. One 
fault he had, of a kind excusable in old men : he was an incessant talker, espe- 
cially about war and fighting. If that string was unfortunately touched in his 
presence, in a moment he blew his heroic trumpet, and his hearers might think 
themselves lucky if they compounded for a gazette extraordinary of two sieges 
and three battles. As he had spent two-thirds of his life in the service, his 
memory was an inexhaustible depot of various facts ; but the patience of the 
listeners did not always keep pace with the perseverance of the relater. The 
stories, sufficiently prolix in themselves, were still further spun out by stutter- 
ing ; so that the manner was still less happy than the matter. In all other re- 
spects, I never met with a nobleman of a more amiable character : his temper 
was even ; he was neither obstinate nor capricious ; the general alternative of 
men in the higher ranks of life. Though a good economist, he lived like a 
gentleman. His establishment was composed of several men servants, and 
three women in waiting on Aurora. I soon discovered that the steward of Don 
Matthias had procured me a good post, and my only anxiety was to establish 
myself firmly in it. I took all possible pains to feel the ground under my feet, 
and to study the characters of the whole household : then regulating my con- 
duct by my discoveries, I was not long in ingratiating myself with my master 
and all the servants. 

■, I had been with Don Vincent above a month, when it struck me that his 
daughter was very particular in her notice of me above all the servants in the 
family. Whenever her eyes happened accidentally to meet mine, they seemed 
to be suffused with a certain partial complacency, which did not enter* into her 
silent communications with the vulgar. Had it not been for my haunts among 
the coxcombs of the theatrical tribe and their hangers-on, it would never have 
entered into my head that Aurora should throw away a thought on me : but my 
brain had been a little turned among those gentry, from whose libertine sus- 
picions ladies of the noblest birth are not always held sacred. If, said I, those 
chronicles of the age are to be believed, fancy and high blood lead women of 
quality a dance, in which they sometimes join hands with unequal partners : 
how do I know but my young mistress may caper to a tune of my piping ? But 
no : it cannot be so, neither. This is not one of your Messalinas, who, derogat- 
ing from the loftiness of ancestry, unworthily let down their regards to the dust, 
and sully their pure honour without a blush : but rather one of those virtuously 
apprehensive, yet tender-hearted girls, who encircle their softness within the in- 
surmountable pale of delicacy ; yet think it no tampering with chastity, to in- 
spire and cherish a sentimental flame, interesting to the heart without being 
dangerous to the morals. 

Such were my ideas of my mistress, without knowing exactly whether they 
were right or wrong. And yet when we met, she was continually caught with 
a smile of satisfaction on her countenance. Without passing for a fop, a man 
might give in to such flattering appearances ; and a philosophical apathy was not 
to be expected from me. I conceived Aurora to have been deeply smitten with 
my irresistible attractions ; and looked on myself henceforth in the light of a 
favoured attendant, whose servitude was to be sweetened by the balmy infusion 
of love. To appear in some measure less unworthy of the blessings, which 
propitious fortune had kept in store for me, I began to take better care of my 



GIL BLASTS PLEASING AN TIC IP A TIONS. 1 1 3 

person than I had done heretofore. I laid out my slender stock of money in 
linen, pomatums, and essences. The first thing in the morning was to prank up 
and perfume myself, so as not to be in an undress in case of being sent for into 
the presence of my mistress. With these attentions to personal elegance and 
other dexterous strokes in the art of pleasing, I flattered myself that the moment 
of my bliss was not very distant. 

Among Aurora's women there was one who went by the name of Ortiz. This 
was an old dowager, who had been a fixture in Don Vincent's family for more 
than twenty years. She had been about his daughter from her childhood, and 
still held the office of duenna ; but she no longer performed the invidious part . 
of the duty. On the contrary, instead of blazoning, as formerly, Aurora's little 
indiscretions, her skill was now employed in throwing them into shade. One 
evening, Dame Ortiz, having watched her opportunity of speaking to me with- 
out observation, said in a low voice, that if I was close and trustworthy, I had 
only to be in the garden at midnight, when a scene would be laid open in which 
I should not be sorry to be an actor. I answered the duenna, pressing her hand 
significantly, that I would not fail, and we parted in a hurry for fear of a sur- 
prise. How the hours lagged from this moment till supper-time, though we 
supped very early ! Then again, from supper to my master's bed-time ! It 
should seem as if the march of the whole family was timed to a largo move- 
ment. By way of helping forward the fidgets, when Don Vincent withdrew to 
his chamber, the army was put on the war establishment, and we were obliged 
to fight the campaigns in Portugal over again, though my ears had not re- 
covered from the din of the last cannonade. But a favour, from which I had 
hitherto made my escape, was reserved for this eventful evening. He repeated 
the army list from beginning to end, with copious digressions on the exploits of 
those officers who had distinguished themselves in his time. Oh my poor tym- 
panum ! It was almost cracked before we got to the end. Time, however, 
will wear out even an old man's story, and he went to bed. I immediately 
went to my own little chamber, whence there was a way into the garden by a 
private staircase. I depended on my purchase of perfumery for overcoming the 
effluvia of the day's drudgery, and put on a clean shirt highly scented. When 
every invention had been pressed into the service to render my person worthy of 
its destiny, and cherish the fondness of my mistress, I went to the appointment. 

Ortiz was not there. I concluded that, tired of waiting for me, she had 
gone back to her chamber, and that the happy moment of philandering 
was over. I laid all the blame on Don Vincent ; but just as I was singing Te 
Deum backwards for his campaigns, I heard the clock strike ten. To be sure 
it must be wrong ! It could not be less than one o'clock. Yet I was so egre- 
giously out in my reckoning, that full a quarter of an hour afterwards, I counted 
ten upon my fingers by the clock at next door. Vastly well, thought I to my- 
self, I have only two complete hours to ventilate my passion here al fresco. 
At least they shall not complain of me for want of punctuality. What shall I 
do with myself till twelve ? Suppose we take a turn about this garden .and 
settle our cues in the delicious drama just going to be brought on the stage ; 
it is my first appearance in so principal a character. I am not yet sufficiently 
well read in the crotchets of your quality dames. I know how to tickle a girl 
in a stuff gown, or an actress : You swagger up to them with an easy, impudent 
assurance, and pop the question without making any bones of it. But one 
must take a female of condition on a very different tack. It seems to me, that 
in this case the happy swain must be well bred, attentive, tender, respectful, 
without degenerating into bashfulness. Instead of taking his happiness by 
storm, he must plant his amorous desires in ambuscade, and wait till the garri- 
son is asleep, and the outworks defenceless. 



14 GIL BLAS. 



Thus it was that I argued, and such were the preconcerted plans of my 
campaign with Aurora. After a few tedious minutes, according to my calculation, 
I was to experience the ecstasy of finding myself at the feet of that lovely crea- 
ture, and pouring forth a torrent of impassioned nonsense. I scraped together 
in my memory all the clap-traps in our stock-plays, which were most successful 
with the audience, and might best set off my pretensions to spirit and gallantry. 
I trusted to my own adroitness for the application, and hoped, after the exam- 
ple of some players in the list of my acquaintance, bringing only a stock of 
memory into the trade, to deal upon credit for my wit. While my imagination 
was engrossed by these thoughts, which kept my impatience at bay much more 
successfully than the commentaries of my modem Caesar, I heard the clock 
strike eleven. This was some encouragement, and I fell back to my medita- 
tions, sometimes sauntering carelessly about, and sometimes throwing myself 
at my length on the turf, in a bower at the bottom of the garden. At length 
it struck twelve, the long-expected hour, big with my high destiny. Some 
seconds after, Ortiz, as punctual as myself though less impatient, made her 
appearance. Signor Gil Bias, said she, accosting me, how long have you been 
here ? Two hours, answered I. Indeed ! Truly, replied she, laughing, you are 
very exact ; there is a pleasure in making nocturnal assignations with you. 
Yet you may assure yourself, continued she more gravely, that you cannot pay 
too dear for such good fortune as that of which I am the messenger. My mis- 
tress wants to have some private talk with you. I shall not anticipate what 
may be the subject, that is a secret which you must learn from no lips but her 
own. Follow me ; I will show you into her chamber. With these words the 
duenna took me by the hand, and led me mysteriously into her lady's apart- 
ment through a little door, of which she had the key. 

Ch. II. — Aurora 's reception of Gil Bias. Their conversation. 

I found Aurora in an undress. I saluted her in the most respectful manner, 
and threw as much elegance into my attitude as I had to throw. She received 
me with the most winning affability, made me sit down by her against all my 
remonstrances, and told her ambassadress to go into another room. After this 
opening, which seemed highly encouraging to my cause, she entered upon the 
business. Gil Bias, said she, you must have perceived how favourably I have 
regarded and distinguished you from all the rest of my father's servants ; and 
though my looks had not betrayed my partial dispositions towards you, my 
proceeding of this night would leave you no room to doubt them. 

I did not give her time to say a word more. It struck me, that as a man of 
feeling, I ought to spare her trembling diffidence the cruel necessity of explain- 
ing her sentiments in more direct terms. I rose from my chair in a transport, 
and, throwing myself at Aurora's feet, like a tragedy hero of the Grecian stage 
when he supplicates the heroine "by her knees," exclaimed in a declamatory 
tone — Ah ! Madam, could it be possible that Gil Bias, hitherto the whirligig 
of fortune and football of embattled nature, should have called down upon 

his head the exquisite felicity of inspiring sentiments Do not speak so 

loud, interrupted my mistress with a laugh of mingled apprehension and ridicule, 
you will wake my women who sleep in the adjoining chamber. Get up, take 
your seat, and hear me out without putting in a word. Yes, Gil Bias, pursued 
she, resuming her gravity, you have my best wishes ; and to shew you how deep 
you are in my good graces, I will confide to you a secret on which depends 
the repose of my life. I am in love with a young gentleman, possessing every 
charm of person and face, and noble by birth. His name is Don Lewis 
Pacheco. I have seen him occasionally in the public walks and at the theatre, 



GIL BIAS EXECUTES A COMMISSION FOR AURORA. 115 

but I have never conversed with him. I do not even know what his private 
character may be, or what bad qualities he may have. It is on this subject 
that I wish to be informed. I stand in need of a person to inquire diligently 
into his morals, and give me a true and particular account. I make choice of 
you. Surely I run no risk in entrusting you with this commission. I hope 
that you will acquit yourself with dexterity and prudence, and that I shall never 
repent of giving you my confidence. 

My mistress concluded thus, and waited for my answer to her proposal. I 
had been disconcerted in the first instance at so disagreeable a mistake ; but I 
soon recovered my scattered senses, and surmounting the confusion which rash- 
ness always occasions when it is unlucky, I exposed to sale such a cargo of zeal 
for the lady's interests, I devoted myself with so martyr-like an enthusiasm to 
her service, that if she did not absolutely forget my silly vanity in the thought 
of having pleased her, at least she had reason to believe that I knew how to 
make amends for a piece of folly. I asked only two days to bring her a satisfac- 
tory account of Don Lewis. After which Dame Ortiz, answering the bell, shewed 
me the way back into the garden, and said, on taking leave, Good-night, Gil 
Bias. I need not caution you to be in time at the next appointment. I have 
sufficient experience of your punctuality on these occasions. 

I returned to my chamber, not without some little mortification at finding my 
voluptuous anticipations all divested of even their ideal sweetness. • I was never- 
theless sufficiently in my senses to reflect soberly that it was more in my element 
to be the trusty scout of my mistress than her lover. I even thought that this 
adventure might lead to something further ; that the middle men in the trade of 
love usually pocket a tolerable per centage ; and went to bed with the resolu- 
tion of doing whatever Aurora required of me. For this purpose I went abroad 
the next morning. The residence of so distinguished a personage as Don Lewis 
was not difficult to find out. I made my enquiries about him in the neighbour- 
hood, but the people who came in my way could not satisfy my curiosity to the 
full, so that it was necessary to resume my search diligently on the following 
day. I was in better luck. I met a lad of my acquaintance by chance in the 
street, we stopped for a little gossip. There passed by in the very nick one of 
his friends, who came up and told him that he was just turned away from the 
family of Don Joseph Pacheco, Don Lewis's father, about a paltry remnant of 
wine, which he had been accused of drinking. I would not lose so fair an oc- 
casion of learning all I wanted to know, and plied my questions so successfully 
as to go home with much self-complacency, at my punctual performance of my 
engagements with my mistress. It was on the coming night that I was to see 
her again at the same hour and in the same manner as the first time. I was 
not in such a confounded hurry this evening. Far from writhing with impa- 
tience under the prolixity of my old commander, I led him on to the charge. I 
waited for midnight with the greatest indifference in the, world, and it was not 
till all the clocks within ear-shot had struck that I crept down into the garden, 
without any nonsense of pomatum and perfumery. That foppery was com- 
pletely cured. 

At the place of meeting I found the very faithful duenna, who sneeringly re- 
proached me with a defalcation in my zeal. I made her no answer, but suffered 
myself to be conducted into Aurora's chamber. She asked me, as soon as I 
made my appearance, whether I had gained any intelligence of Don Lewis. 
Yes, madam, said I, and you shall have the sum total in two words. I must 
first tell you, that he will soon set out for Salamanca, to finish his studies. The 
young gentleman is brim full of honour and probity. As for valour, he cannot 
be deficient there, since he is a man of birth and a Castilian. Besides this, he 
has an infinite deal of wit, and is very agreeable in his manners ; but there is 



n6 GIL BLAS. 



one thing which can scarcely be to your liking. He is pretty much in the fashion 
of our young nobility here at court — exemplarily catholic in his devotions to the 
fair. Have you not heard that at his age he has already been tenant at will to 
two actresses ? What is it you tell me ? replied Aurora. What shocking con- 
duct ! But do you know for certain, Gil Bias, that he leads so dissolute a life ? 
Oh ! there is no doubt of it, madam, rejoined I. A servant, turned off this 
morning, told me so, and servants are very plain dealers when the failings 
of their masters are the topic. Besides, he keeps company with Don Alexo 
Segiar, Don Antonio Centelles, and Don Fernando de Gamboa ; that single 
circumstance proves his libertinism with all the force of demonstration. It is 
enough, Gil Bias, said my mistress with a sigh ; on your report I am determined 
to struggle with my unworthy passion. Though it has already struck deep 
root in my heart, I do not despair of tearing it forcibly from its bed. Go, 
added she, putting into my hands a small purse, none of the lightest, take this 
for your pains. Beware of betraying my secret. Consider it as entrusted to 
your silence. 

I assured my mistress that she might be perfectly easy on that score, for I 
was the Harpocrates of confidential servants. After this compliment to myself, 
I withdrew with no small eagerness to investigate the contents of the purse. 
There were twenty pistoles. It struck me all at once that Aurora would surely 
have given me more had I been the bearer of pleasant tidings, since she paid so 
handsomely for a blank in the lottery. I was sorry not to have adopted the 
policy of the pleaders in the courts, who sometimes paint the cheek of truth 
when her natural complexion is inclined to be cadaverous. It was a pity to 
have stifled an amour in the birth which might in its growth have been so pro- 
fitable. Yet I had the comfort of finding myself reimbursed the expense so un- 
seasonably incurred in perfumery and washes. 

Ch. III. — A great change at D 011 Vincenfs. Aurora! s strange resolution. 

It happened soon after this adventure that Signor Don Vincent fell sick. In- 
dependent of his Very advanced age, the symptoms of his disorder appeared in 
so formidable a shape that a fatal termination was but too probable. From the 
beginning of his illness he was attended by two of the most eminent physicians 
in Madrid. One was Doctor Andros, and the other Doctor Oquetos. They 
considered the case with due solemnity ; and both agreed, after a strict investi- 
gation, that the humours were in a state of mutiny, but this was the only thing 
about which they did agree. The proper practice, said Andros, is to purge the 
humours, though raw, with all possible expedition, while they are in a violent 
agitation of flux and reflux, for fear of their fixing upon some noble part. 
Oquetos maintained, on the contrary, tha<: we must wait till the humours were 
ripened before it would be safe to go upon purgatives. But your method, re- 
plied the first speaker, is directly in the teeth of the rules laid down by the 
prince of medicine. Hippocrates recommends purging in the most burning 
fever from the very first attack, and says in plain terms that no time is to be 
lost in purging when the humours are in opyaff/uoc, that is to say, in a state of 
fermentation. Ay ! there is your mistake, replied Oquetos. Hippocrates by 
the word opyaoyzoe does not mean the fermentation, he means rather the con- 
coction of the humours. 

Thereupon our doctors got heated. One quotes the Greek text, and cites all 
the authors who have explained it in his sense ; the other, trusting to a Latin 
translation, takes up the controversy in a still more positive tone. Which of 
the two to believe ? Don Vincent was not the man to decide that question. In 
the mean time, finding himself obliged to choose, he gave his confidence to the 



A URORA'S STRANGE RESOL UTION. 1 1 7 

party who had dispatched the greatest number of patients — I mean the elder of 
the two. Andros, the younger, immediately withdrew, not without flinging out 
a few satirical taunts at his senior on the opyafffiog. Here then was Oquetos 
triumphant. As he was a professor of the Sangrado school, he began by 
bleeding copiously, waiting till the humours were ripened before he went upon 
purgatives. But death, fearing, no doubt, lest this reserve of purgatives should 
turn the fortunes of the day, got the start of the concoction, and secured his 
victory over my master by a coup-de-main. Such was the final close of Signor 
Don Vincent, who had lost his life because his physician did not know Greek. 

Aurora having buried her father with a pomp suited to the dignity of his birth, 
administered to his effects. Having the whole arrangement of everything in her 
own breast, she discharged some of the servants with rewards proportioned to 
their services, and soon retired to her castle on the Tagus, between Sacedon and 
Buendia. I was among the number of those whom she kept, and wha made 
part of her country establishment. I had even the good fortune to become a 
principal agent in the plot. In spite of my faithful report on the subject of Don 
Lewis, she still harboured a partiality for that bewitching young fellow ; or 
rather, for want of spirit to combat her passion in the first instance, she surren- 
dered at discretion. There was no longer any need of taking precautions to 
speak with me in private. Gil Bias, said she with a sigh, I can never forget 
Don Lewis. Let me make what effort I will to banish him from my thoughts, 
he is present to them without intermission, not as you have described him, 
plunged in eveiy variety of licentious riot, but just what my fancy would paint 
him — tender, loving, constant. She betrayed considerable emotion in uttering 
these words, and could not help shedding tears. My fountains were very near 
playing from mere sympathy. There was no better way of paying my court 
than by appearing sensibly touched at her distress. My friend, continued she, 
after having wiped her lovely eyes, your nature is evidently cast in a benevolent 
mould ; and I am so well satisfied with your zeal that it shall not go unre- 
warded. Your assistance, my dear Gil Bias, is more necessary to me than ever. 
You must be made acquainted with a plan which engrosses all my thoughts, 
though it will appear strangely eccentric. You are to know 'that I mean to set 
out for Salamanca as soon as possible. There my design is to assume the dis- 
guise of a fashionable young fellow, and to make acquaintance with Pacheco 
under the name of Don Felix. I shall endeavour to gain his confidence and 
friendship, and lead the conversation incidentally to the subject of Aurora de 
Guzman, for whose cousin I shall pass. He may perhaps express a wish to see 
her, and there is the point on which I expect the interest to turn. We will have 
two apartments in Salamanca. In one I shall be Don Felix, in the other, 
Aurora ; and I flatter myself that by presenting my person before Don Lewis, 
sometimes under the semblance of a man, sometimes in all the natural and ar- 
tificial attractions of my own sex, I may bring him by little and little to the 
proposed end of my stratagem. I am perfectly aware that my project is ex- 
travagant in the highest degree, but my passion drives me headlong ; and the 
innocence of my intentions renders me insensible to all compunctious feelings of 
virgin apprehension respecting so hazardous a step. 

I was exactly in the same mind with Aurora respecting the extravagance of 
her scheme. Yet, unseasonable as it might seem to reflecting persons like my- 
self, there was no occasion for me to play the schoolmaster. On the contrary, 
I began to practise all the arts of a thorough-bred special pleader, and under- 
took to magnify this hair-brained pursuit into a piece of incomparable wit and 
spirit, without the least tincture of imprudence. This was highly gratifying to 
my mistress. Lovers like to have their rampant fancies tickled. We no longer 
considered this rash enterprise in any other light than as a play, of which the 



n8 GIL BLAS. 



characters were to be properly cast, and the business dramatically arranged. 
The actors were chosen out of our own domestic establishment, and the parts 
distributed without secret jealousy or open rupture, but then we were not players 
by profession. It was determined that Dame Ortiz should personate Aurora's 
aunt, under the name of Donna Kimena de Guzman, with a valet and waiting- 
maid by way of attendance ; and that Aurora, with the swashing outside of a 
gay spark, was to take me for her valet-de-chambre, with one of her women 
disguised as a page, to be more immediately about her person. The drama thus 
filled up we returned to Madrid, where we understood Don Lewis still to be, 
though it was not likely to be long till his departure for Salamanca. We got 
up with all possible haste the dresses and decorations of our wild comedy. 
When they were in complete order, my mistress had them packed up carefully, 
that they might come out in all their gloss and newness on the rising of the 
curtain. Then, leaving the care of her family to her steward, she began her 
journey in a coach drawn by four mules, and travelled towards the kingdom of 
Leon, with those of her household who had some part to play in the piece. 

We had already crossed Old Castille, when the axletree of the coach gave 
way. The accident happened between Avila and Villaflor, at the distance of 
three or four hundred yards from a castle near the foot of a mountain. Night 
was coming on, and the measure of our troubles seemed to be heaped up and 
overflowing. But there passed accidentally by us a countryman, by whose as- 
sistance we were relieved from our difficulties. He acquainted us that the castle 
yonder belonged to Donna Elvira, widow of Don Pedro de Penares ; at the 
same time giving us so favourable a character of that lady, that my mistress sent 
me to the castle with a request of a night's lodging. Elvira did not disgrace 
the good word of the countryman. She received me with an air of hospitality, 
and returned such an answer to my compliment as I wished to carry back. We 
all went to the castle, whither the mules dragged the carriage with considerable 
difficulty. At the gate we met the widow of Don Pedro, who came out to 
meet my mistress. I shall pass over in silence the reciprocal civilities which 
were exchanged on this occasion, in compliance with the usage of the polite 
world. I shall only say that Elvira was a lady rather advanced in years, but 
remarkably well bred, with an address superior to that of most women in doing 
the honours of her house. She led Aurora into a sumptuous apartment, where, 
leaving her to rest herself for a short time, she looked after eveiything herself, 
and left nothing undone which could in the least contribute to our comfort. 
Afterwards, when supper was ready, she ordered it to be served up in Aurora's 
chamber, where they sat down to table together. Don Pedro's widow was not 
of a description to cast a slur on her own hospitalities, by assuming an air of 
abstraction or sullenness. Her temper was gay, and her conversation lively 
without levity ; for her ideas were dignified, and her expressions select. No- 
thing could exceed her wit, accompanied by a peculiarly fine turn of thought. 
Aurora appeared as much to be delighted as myself. They became sworn 
friends, and mutually engaged in a regular correspondence. As our carriage 
could not be repaired till the following day, and we should have encountered 
some perils by setting out late at night, it was determined that we should take 
up our abode at the castle till the damage was made good. All the arrange- 
ments were in the first style of elegance, and our lodgings were correspondent to 
the magnificence of the establishment in other respects. 

The day after, my mistress discovered new charms in Elvira's conversation. 
They dined in a large hall, where there were several pictures. One among the 
rest was distinguished for its admirable execution, but the subject was highly 
tragic. A principal figure was a man of superior mien, lying lifeless on his 
back, and bathed in his own blood ; yet in the very embraces of death he wore 



THE FA TAL MARRIA GE. 119 

a menacing aspect. At a little distance from him you might see a young lady 
in a different posture, though stretched likewise on the ground. She had a 
sword plunged in her bosom, and was giving up her last sighs, at the same time 
casting her dying glances at a young man who seemed to suffer a mortal pang 
at losing her. The painter had besides charged his picture with a figure which 
did not escape my notice. It was an old man of a venerable physiognomy, 
sensibly touched with the objects which struck his sight, and equally alive with 
the young man to the impressions of the melancholy scene. It might be said 
that these images of blood and desolation affected both the spectators with the 
same astonishment and grief, but that the outward demonstrations of their in- 
ward sentiments were different. The old man, sunk in a profound melancholy, 
looked as if he was bowed down to the ground ; while the youth mingled some- 
thing like the extravagance of despair with the tears of affliction. All these 
circumstances were depicted with touches so characteristic and affecting, that 
we could not take our eyes off the performance. My mistress desired to know 
the subject of the piece. Madam, said Elvira, it is a faithful delineation of the 
misfortunes sustained by my family. This answer excited Aurora's curiosity ; 
and she testified so strong a desire to learn the particulars, that the widow of 
Don Pedro could do no otherwise than promise her the satisfaction she desired. 
This promise, made before Ortiz, her two fellow-servants, and myself, rooted 
us to the spot on which we were listening to their former conversation. My 
mistress would have sent us away ; but Elvira, who saw plainly that we were 
dying with eagerness to be present at the explanation of the picture, had the 
goodness to desire us to stay, alleging at the same time that the story she had 
to relate was not of a nature to enjoin secrecy. After a moment's recollection, 
she began her recital to the following effect : — 

Ch. IV. — The Fatal Marriage ; a Novel. 

Roger, king of Sicily, had a brother and a sister. His brother, by name 
Mainfroi, rebelled against him, and kindled a war in the kingdom, bloody in its 
immediate effects, and portentous in its future consequences. But it was his 
fate to lose two battles, and to fall into the king's hands. The punishment of 
his revolt extended no further than the loss of liberty. This act of clemency 
served only to make Roger pass for a barbarian in the estimation of the disaf- 
fected party among his subjects. They contended that he had saved his brother's 
life only to wreak his vengeance on him by tortures the more merciless because 
protracted. People in general, on better grounds, transferred the blame of 
Mainfroi's harsh treatment while in prison to his sister Matilda. That princess 
had, in fact, cherished a long-rooted hatred against this prince, and was inde- 
fatigable in her persecutions during his whole life. She died in a very short 
time after him, and her premature fate was considered as the retribution of a 
just providence for her disregard of those sentiments implanted by nature for the 
best purposes. 

Mainfroi left behind him two sons. They were yet in their childhood. Roger 
had a kind of lurking desire to get rid of them, under the apprehension lest, 
when arrived at a more advanced age, the wish of avenging their father might 
hurry them to the revival of a faction which was not so entirely overthrown as 
to be incapable of originating new intrigues in the state. He communicated his 
purpose to the senator Leontio Siffredi, his minister, who diverted him from his 
bloody thoughts by undertaking the education of Prince Enriquez, the eldest, 
and recommending the care of the younger, by name Don Pedro, to the con- 
stable of Sicily, as a trusty counsellor and loyal servant. Roger, assured that 
his nephews would be trained up by these two men in principles of due submis- 



GIL BLAS. 



sion to the royal authority, gave up the reins of guardianship to their control, 
and himself took charge of his niece Constance. She was of the same age with 
Enriquez, and only daughter of the princess Matilda. He allowed her an estab- 
lishment of female attendants, and of masters in every branch of the politer 
studies, so that nothing was wanting either to her instruction or her state. 

Leontio Siffredi had a castle at the distance of less than two leagues from 
Palermo, in a spot named Belmonte. There it was that this minister exerted 
all his talents and diligence, to render Enriquez worthy of one day ascending 
the throne of Sicily. From the first, he discovered dispositions so amiable in 
that prince, that his attachment became as strong as if he had no child of his 
own. He had, however, two daughters — Blanche, the first-born, one year 
younger than the prince, was armed at all points with the weapons of a most 
perfect beauty. Her sister Portia was still in her cradle. The mother had 
died in child-bed of this youngest. Blanche and Prince Enriquez conceived a 
reciprocal affection as soon as they were alive to the influence of love : but 
they were not allowed to improve their acquaintance into familiar intercourse. 
The prince nevertheless found the means of occasionally eluding the prudential 
vigilance of his guardian. He knew sufficiently well how to avail himself of 
those precious moments, and prevailed so far with Siffredi's daughter, as to 
gain her consent to the execution of a project which he meditated. It happened 
precisely at this time that Leontio was obliged by the king's order to take a. 
journey into one of the most remote provinces in the island. During his 
absence Enriquez got an opening made in the wall of his apartment, which led 
into Blanche's chamber. This opening was concealed by a sliding shutter, so 
exactly corresponding with the wainscot, and so closely fitting in with the ceil- 
ing and the floor, that the most suspicious eye could not have detected the 
contrivance. A skilful workman, whom the prince had gained over to his 
interests, helped him to this private communication with equal speed and 
secrecy. 

The enamoured Enriquez having obtained this inlet into his mistress's cham- 
ber, sometimes availed himself of his privilege ; but he never took advantage of 
her partiality. Imprudent as it may well be thought, to admit of a secret 
entrance into her apartment, it was only on the express and reiterated assurance 
that none but the most innocent favours should be requested at her hands. 
One night he found her in a state of unusual perturbation. She had been 
informed that Roger was drawing near his end, and had sent for Siffredi as 
lord high chancellor of the kingdom, and the legal depository of his last will 
and testament. Already did she figure to herself her dear Enriquez elevated 
to royal honours. She was afraid of losing her lover in her sovereign, and that 
fear had strangely affected her spirits. The tears were standing in her eyes, 
when the unconscious cause of them appeared before her. You weep, madam, 
said he, what am I to think of this overwhelming grief ? My lord, answered 
Blanche, it were vain for me to hide my apprehensions. The king your uncle 
is at the point of death, and you will soon be called to supply his place. When 
I measure the distance placed between us by your approaching greatness, I 
will own to you that my mind misgives me. The monarch and the lover 
estimate objects through a far different medium. What constituted the fondest 
wish of the individual, while his aspiring thoughts were checked by the control 
of a superior, fades into insignificance before the tumultuous cares or brilliant 
destinies of royalty. Be it the misgiving of an anxious heart, or the whisper of 
a well-founded opinion, I feel distracting emotions succeed one another in my 
breast, which not all my just confidence in your goodness can allay. The 
source of my mistrust is not in the suspected steadiness of your attachment, but 
in a diffidence of my own happy fate. Lovely and beloved Blanche, replied 



THE FATAL MARRIAGE. 



the prince, your fears but bind me the more firmly in your fetters, and warrant 
my devotion to your charms. Yet this excessive indulgence of a fond jealousy 
borders on disloyalty to love, and, if I may venture to say so, trenches on the 
esteem to which my constancy has hitherto entitled me. No, no, never enter- 
tain a doubt that my destiny can ever be sundered from yours, but rather indulge 
the pleasing anticipation, that you, and you alone, will be the arbitress of my 
fate, and the source of all my bliss. Away, then, with these vain alarms. Why 
must they disturb an intercourse so charming ? Ah ! my lord, rejoined the 
daughter of Leontio, your subjects, when they place the crown upon your 
head, may ask of you a princess-queen, descended from a long line of kings, 
whose glittering alliance shall join new realms to your hereditary estates. 
Perhaps, alas ! you will meet their ambitious aims, even at the expense of your 
softest vows. Nay, why, resumed Enriquez, with rising passion, why too ready 
a self-tormentor, do you raise so afflicting a phantom of futurity? Should 
heaven take the king my uncle to itself, and place Sicily under my do- 
minion, I swear to unite myself with you at Palermo, in presence of my whole 
court. To this I call to witness all which is held sacred and inviolable among 
men. 

The protestations of Enriquez removed the fears of Siffredi's daughter. 
The rest of their discourse turned on the king's illness. Enriquez displayed the 
goodness of his natural disposition, for he pitied his uncle's lot, though he had 
no reason to be greatly affected by it ; but the force of blood extorted from him 
sentiments of regret for a prince whose death held out an immediate prospect 
of the crown. Blanche did not yet know all the misfortunes which hung over her. 
The constable of Sicily, who had met her coming out of her father's apartment, 
one day when he was at the castle of Belmonte on some business of importance, 
was struck with admiration. The very next day, he made proposals to Siffredi, 
who entertained his offer favourably ; but the illness of Roger taking place un- 
expectedly about that time, the marriage was put off for the present, and the 
subject had not been hinted at in the most distant manner to Blanche. 

One morning, as Enriquez had just finished dressing, he was surprised to see 
Leontio enter his apartment, followed by Blanche. Sir, said this minister, the 
news I have to announce will in some degree afflict your excellent heart, but it 
is counteracted by consoling circumstances which ought to moderate your grief. 
The king your uncle has departed this life ; and by his death left you the heir 
of his sceptre. Sicily is at your feet. The nobility of the kingdom wait your 
orders at Palermo. They have commissioned me to receive them in person, 
and I come, my liege, with my daughter to pay you the earliest and sin- 
cerest homage of your new subjects. The prince, who was well aware that 
Roger had been for two months sinking under a complaint gradual in its pro- 
gress but fatal in its nature, was not astonished at this news. And yet, struck 
with his sudden exaltation, he felt a thousand confused motions rising up by 
turns in his heart. He mused for some time, then breaking silence, addressed 
these words to Leontio — Wise Siffredi, I have always considered you as my 
father. I shall make it my glory to be governed by your counsels, and you 
shall reign in Sicily with a sway paramount to my own. With these words, 
advancing to the standish and taking a blank sheet of paper, he wrote his 
name at the bottom. What are you doing, sir ? said Siffredi. Proving my 
gratitude and my esteem, answered Enriquez. Then the prince presented the 
paper to Blanche, and said — Accept, madam, this pledge of my faith, and of 
the empire with which I invest you over my thoughts and actions. Blanche 
received it with a blush, and made this answer to the prince — I acknowledge 
with all humility the condescensions of my sovereign, but my destiny is in the 
hands of a father, and you must not consider me as ungrateful if I deposit this 



GIL BLAS. 



flattering token in his custody, to be used according to the dictates of his sage 
discretion. 

In compliance with these sentiments of filial duty, she gave the sign manual 
of Enriquez to her father. Then Siffredi saw at once what till that moment 
had eluded his penetration. He entered clearly into the prince's sentiments, 
and said : Your majesty shall have no reproaches to make me. I shall not act 
unworthily of the confidence .... My dear Leontio, interrupted Enriquez, you 
and unworthiness never can be allied. Make what use you please of my signa- 
ture. I shall confirm your determination. But go, return to Palermo, pre- 
scribe the ceremonies for my coronation there, and tell my subjects that I shall 
follow you in person immediately, to receive their oaths of allegiance, and assure 
them of my protection in return. The minister obeyed the commands of his 
new master, and set out for Palermo with his daughter. 

Some hours after their departure, the prince also left Belmonte, with his 
thoughts more intent on his passion than on the high rank to which he was 
called. Immediately on his arrival in the city, the air was rent with a thou- 
sand cries of joy. He made his entry into the palace amid the acclamations of 
the people, and everything was ready for the august formalities. The Princess 
Constance was waiting to receive him, in a magnificent mourning dress. She 
appeared deeply affected by Roger's death. The customs of society required 
from them a reciprocal compliment of condolence on the late event ; and they 
each of them acquitted themselves with good breeding and propriety. But 
there was somewhat more coldness on the part of Enriquez than on that of 
Constance, who could not enter into family quarrels, and resolved on hating the 
young prince. He placed himself on the throne, and the princess sate beside 
him, in a chair of state a little less elevated. The great officers of the realm 
fell into their places, each according to his rank. The ceremony began ; and 
Leontio, as lord high chancellor of the kingdom, holding in his possession the 
will of the late king, opened it, and read the contents aloud. This instrument 
contained in substance that Roger, in default of issue, nominated the eldest son 
of Mainfroi his successor, on condition of his marrying the Princess Constance ; 
and in the event of his refusing her hand, the crown of Sicily was to devolve, 
to his exclusion, on the head of the infant Don Pedro, his brother, on the like 
condition. 

These words were a thunderstroke to Enriquez. His senses were all be- 
wildered even to distraction ; and his agonies became still more acute, when 
Leontio, having finished the reading of the will, addressed the assembly at large 
to the following effect : My lords, the last injunctions of the late king having 
been made known to our new monarch, that pious and excellent prince consents 
to honour his cousin the Princess Constance with his hand. At these words 
Enriquez interrupted the chancellor. Leontio, said he, remember the writing ; 
Blanche .... Sire, interrupted Siffredi in his turn with precipitation, lest the 
prince should find an opportunity of making himself understood, here it is. The 
nobility of the kingdom, added he, exhibiting the blank paper to the assembly, 
will see by your majesty's august subscription, the esteem in which you hold the 
princess, and your implicit deference to the last will of the late king your uncle. 
Having finished these words, he forthwith began reading the instrument in 
such terms as he had himself inserted. According to the contents, the new king 
gave a promise to his people, with formalities the most binding and authentic, 
that he would marry Constance, in conformity with the intention of Roger. 
The hall re-echoed with pealing shouts of satisfaction. Long live our high and 
mighty King Enriquez ! exclaimed all those who were present. As the marked 
aversion of the prince for the princess had never been any secret, it was appre- 
hended, not without reason, that he might revolt against the condition of the 



THE FATAL MARRIAGE. 123 

will, and light up the flame of civil discord in the kingdom ; but the public 
enunciation of this solemn act, quieting the fears of the nobility and the people 
on that head, excited these universal applauses, which went to the monarch's 
heart like the stab of an assassin. Constance, who had a nearer interest than 
any human being in the result, from the double motive of glory and personal 
affection, laid hold of this opportunity for expressing her gratitude. The prince 
had much ado to keep his feelings within bounds. He received the compliment 
of the princess with so constrained an air, and evinced so unusual a disorder in 
his behaviour, as scarcely to reply in a manner suited to the common forms of 
good breeding. At last, no longer master of his violent passions, he went up 
to Siffredi, whom the formalities of his office detained near the royal person, 
and said to him in a low tone of voice — What is the meaning of all this, Leon- 
tio ? The signature which I deposited in your daughter's hands was not meant 
for such a use as this. You are guilty of ... . 

My liege, interrupted Siffredi again with a tone of firmness, look to your own 
glory. If you refuse to comply with the injunctions of the king, your uncle, 
you lose the crown of Sicily. No sooner had he thrown in this salutary hint, 
than he got away from the king, to prevent all possibility of a reply. Enriquez 
was left in a most embarrassing situation. A thousand opposite emotions 
agitated him at once. He was exasperated against Siffredi : to give up Blanche 
was more than he could endure : so that, balancing between his private feelings 
and the calls of public honour, he was doubtful to which side he should incline. 
At length his doubts were resolved, under the idea of having found the means 
to secure Siffredi's daughter, without giving up his claim to the throne. He 
affected therefore an entire submission to the will of Roger, in the hope, while a 
dispensation from his marriage with his cousin was soliciting at Rome, of gain- 
ing the leading nobility by his largesses, and thus establishing his power so firmly, 
as not to be under the necessity of fulfilling the conditions of the obnoxious in- 
strument. 

After forming this design, he got to be more composed ; and turning towards 
Constance, confirmed to her what the lord high chancellor had read in presence 
of the whole assembly. But, at the very moment when he had so far betrayed 
himself as to pledge his faith, Blanche arrived in the hall of council. She came 
thither, by her father's command, to pay her duty to the princess ; and her ears, 
on entering, were startled at the expressions of Enriquez. In addition to this 
shock, Leontio, determined not to leave her in doubt of her misfortune, accom- 
panied her presentation to Constance with these words : Daughter, make your 
homage acceptable to your queen ; call down upon her the blessings of a pros- 
perous reign and a happy marriage. This terrible blow overwhelmed the un- 
fortunate Blanche. Vain were all her attempts to suppress her anguish ; her 
countenance changed successively from the deepest blush to a deadly paleness, 
and she trembled from head to foot. And yet the princess had no suspicion 
how the matter really stood ; but attributed the confused style of her compliment 
to t the awkwardness of a young person brought up in a state of rustication, and 
totally unacquainted with the manners of a court. But the young king was more 
in the secret. The sight of Blanche put him out of countenance : and the de- 
spair, too legible in her eyes, was enough to drive him out of his senses. Her 
feelings were not to be misunderstood ; and they pointed at him as the most 
faithless of men. Could he have spoken to her, it might have tranquillized his 
agitation : but how to lay hold of the happy moment, when all Sicily, at least 
the illustrious part of it, was fixed in anxious expectation on his proceedings ? 
Besides, the stern and inflexible Siffredi extinguished at once every ray of hope. 
This minister, who was at no loss to decipher the hearts of the two lovers, and 
was firmly resolved, if possible, to prevent the evil consequences impending over 



124 GIL BLAS. 



the state from the violence of this imprudent attachment, got his daughter out 
of the assembly with the dexterity of a practised courtier, and regained the road 
to Belmonte with her in his possession, determined, for more reasons than one, 
to marry her as soon as possible. 

When they reached home, he gave her to understand all the horror of her 
destiny, by announcing his promise to the constable. Just heaven ! exclaimed 
she, transported into a paroxysm of despair, which her fathers presence could 
not restrain, what unparalleled sufferings have you the cruelty to lay up in store 
for the ill-fated Blanche ? Her agony went to such a degree of violence, as to 
suspend every power of her soul. Her limbs seemed as if stiffened under the 
icy grasp of death. Cold and pale, she fell senseless into her father's arms. 
Neither was he insensible to her melancholy condition. Yet, feeling as he did 
all the alarm and anxiety of a parent, the stern inflexibility of the statesman re- 
mained unshaken. Blanche, after a time, was recalled to life and feeling, rather 
by the keenness of her mental pangs than by the means which Siffredi used for 
her recovery. Languishingly did she raise her scarcely conscious eyes : when 
glancing on the author of her misery, as he was anxiously employed about her 

person ; My lord, said she, with inarticulate and convulsive accents, 

I am ashamed to let you see my weakness : but death, which cannot be long in 
finishing my torments, will soon rid you of a wretched daughter, who has ven- 
tured to dispose of her heart without consulting you. No, my dear Blanche, 
answered Leontio, your death would be too dear a sacrifice : Virtue will resume 
her empire over your actions. The constable's proposals do you honour ; it is 

one of the most considerable alliances in the state I esteem his person 

and am sensible of his merit, interrupted Blanche ; but, my lord, the king had 

given me encouragement to indulge Daughter, vociferated Siffredi, 

breaking in upon her discourse, I anticipate all you have to say on that subject. 
Your partiality for the prince is no secret to me, nor would it meet my disap- 
probation under other circumstances. You should even see me active and 
ardent to secure for you the hand of Enriquez, if the cause of glory and the wel- 
fare of the realm demanded it not indispensably for Constance. It is on the 
sole condition of marrying that princess, that the late king has nominated him 
his successor. Would you have him prefer you to the crown of Sicily ? Believe 
me, my heart bleeds at the mortal blow which impends over you. Yet, since 
we cannot contend with the fates, make a magnanimous effort. Your fame is 
concerned, not to let the whole nation see that you have nursed up a delusive 
hope. Your sensibility towards the person of the king might even give birth to 
ignominious rumours. The only method of preserving yourself from their*poison, 
is to marry the constable. In short, Blanche, there is no time left for irresolu- 
tion. The king has decided between a throne and the possession of your charms. 
He has fixed his choice on Constance. The constable holds my words in 
pledge ; enable me to redeem it, I beseech you. Or if nothing but a paramount 
necessity can fix your wavering resolution, I must make an unwilling use of my 
parental authority ; know then, I command you. 

Ending with this threat, he left her to make her own reflections on what had 
passed. He was in hopes that after having weighed the reasons he had urged 
to support her virtue against the bias of her feelings, she would determine of 
herself to admit the constable's addresses. He was not mistaken in his conjec- 
ture : but at what an expense did the wretched Blanche rise to this height of 
virtuous resolution ! Her condition was that in the whole world the most de- 
serving of pity. The affliction of finding her fears realized respecting the in- 
fidelity of Enriquez, and of being compelled, besides losing the man of her 
choice, to sacrifice herself to another whom she could never love, occasioned her 
such storms of passion and alternate tossings of frantic desperation, as to bring 



THE FATAL MARRIAGE. 



with each successive moment a variety of vindictive torture. If my sad fate, is 
fixed, exclaimed she, how can I triumph over it but by death ? Merciless 
powers, who preside over our wayward fortunes, why feed and tantalize me with 
the most flattering hopes, only to plunge me headlong into a gulf of miseries ? 
And thou too, perfidious lover ! to rush into the arms of another, when all 
those vows of eternal fidelity were mine. So soon then is that plighted faith void 
and forgotten ? To punish thee for so cruel a deception, may it please heaven, 
in its retribution, to make the conscious couch of conjugal endearment, polluted 
as it must be by perjury, less the scene of pleasure than the dungeon of remorse ! 
May the fond caresses of Constance distil poison through thy faithless heart ! 
Let us rival one another in the horrors of our nuptials ! Yes, traitor, I mean 
to wed the constable, though shrinking from his ardent touch, to avenge me on 
myself ! to be my own scourge and tormentor, for having selected so fatally the 
object of my frantic passion. Since deep-rooted obedience to the will of God 
forbids to entertain the thought of a premature death, whatever days may be 
allotted me to drag on shall be but a lengthened chain of heaviness and torment. 
If a sentiment of love still lurks about your heart, it will be revenge enough for 
me to cast myself into your presence, the devoted bride or victim of another : 
but if you have thrown off my remembrance with your own vows, Sicily at least 
shall glory in the distinction of reckoning among its natives a woman who knew 
how to punish herself for having disposed of her heart too lightly. 

In such a state of mind did this wretched martyr to love and duty pass the 
night preceding her marriage with the constable. Siffredi, finding her the next 
morning ready to comply with his wishes, hastened to avail himself of this 
favourable disposition. He sent for the constable to Belmonte on that very day, 
and the marriage ceremony was performed privately in the chapel of the castle. 
What a crisis for Blanche ! It was "not enough to renounce a crown, to lose a 
lover endeared to her by every tie, and to yield herself up to the object of her 
hafred. In addition to all this, she must put a constraint on her sentiments 
before a husband, naturally jealous, and long occupied with the most ardent 
admiration of her charms. The bridegroom, delighted in the possession of her, 
was all day long in her presence. He did not leave her to the miserable con- 
solation of pouring out her sorrows in secret. When night arrived, Leontio's 
daughter felt all her disgust and terror redoubled. But what seemed likely 
to become of her when her women, after having undressed her, left her alone 
with the constable ? He enquired respectfully into the cause of her apparent 
faintness and discomposure. The question was sufficiently embarrassing to 
Blanche, who affected to be ill. Her husband was at first deceived by her pre- 
tences ; but he did not long remain in such an error. Being, as he was, sin- 
cerely concerned at the condition in which he saw her, but still pressing her to 
go to bed, his urgent solicitations, falsely construed by her, offered to her 
wounded mind an image so cruel and indelicate, that she could no longer dis- 
semble what was passing within, but gave a free course to her sighs and tears. 
What a discovery for a man who thought himself at the summit of his wishes ! 
He no longer doubted but the distressed state of his wife was fraught with some 
sinister omen to his love. And yet, though this knowledge reduced him to a 
situation almost as deplorable as that of Blanche, he had sufficient command 
over himself to keep his suspicions within his own breast. He redoubled his 
assiduities, and went on pressing his bride to lay herself down, assuring her that 
the repose of which she stood in need should be undisturbed by his interruption. 
He offei-ed of his own accord even to call her women, if she was of opinion that 
their attendance could afford any relief to her indisposition. Blanche, reviving 
at that proposal, told him that sleep was the best remedy for the debility under 
which she laboured. He affected to think so too. They accordingly partook 



:26 GIL BLAS. 



of the same bed, but with a conduct altogether different from what the laws of 
love, sanctioned by the rites of marriage, might authorize in a pair mutually 
delighted and delighting. 

While Siffredi's daughter was giving way to her grief, the constable was hunt- 
ing in his own mind for the causes which might render the nuptial office so 
contemptible a sinecure in his hands. He could not be long in conjecturing 
that he had a rival, but when he attempted to discover him he was lost in the 
labyrinth of his own ideas. All he knew with certainty, was the peculiar 
severity of his own fate. He had already passed two thirds of the night in this 
perplexity of thought, when an undistinguishable noise grew gradually on his sense 
of hearing. Great was his surprise when a footstep seemed audibly to pace 
about the room. He fancied himself mistaken ; for he recollected shutting the 
door himself after Blanche's women had retired. He drew back the curtain to 
satisfy his senses on the occasion of this extraordinary noise. But the light in 
the chimney corner had gone out, and he soon heard a feeble and melancholy 
voice calling Blanche with anxious and importunate repetitions. Then did the 
suggestions of his jealousy transport him into rage. His insulted honour oblig- 
ing him to rush from the bed to which he had so long aspired, and either to 
prevent a meditated injury, or take vengeance for its perpetration, he caught up 
his sword and flew forward in the direction whence, the voice seemed to proceed. 
He felt a naked blade opposed to his own. As he advanced, his antagonist re- 
tired. The pursuit became more eager, the retreat more precipitate. His search 
was vigilant, and every corner of the room seemed to contain its object, but that 
which he momentarily occupied. The darkness, however, favoured the un- 
known invader, and he was nowhere to be found. The pursuer halted. He 
listened, but heard no sound. It seemed like enchantment ! He made for the 
door, under the idea that this was the outlet to the secret assassin of his honour ; 
yet the bolt was shot as fast as before. Unable to comprehend this strange oc- 
currence, he called those of his retinue who were most within reach of his voice. 
As he opened the door for this purpose, he placed himself so as to prevent all 
egress, and stood upon his guard, lest the devoted victim of his search should 
escape. 

At his redoubled cries, some servants ran with lights. He laid hold of a 
taper, and renewed his search in the chamber with his sword still drawn. Yet 
he found no one there, nor any apparent sign of any person having been in the 
room. He was not aware of any private door, nor could he discover any prac- 
ticable mode of escape : yet for all this, he could not shut his eyes against the 
nature and circumstances of his misfortune. His thoughts were all thrown into 
inextricable confusion. To ask any questions of Blanche was in vain : for she 
had too deep an interest in perplexing the truth, to furnish any clue whatever to 
its discovery. He therefore adopted the measure of unbosoming his griefs to 
Leontio ; but previously sent away his attendants with the excuse that he thought 
he had heard some noise in the room, but was mistaken. His father-in-law having 
left his chamber in consequence of this strange disturbance, met him, and heard 
from his lips the particulars of this unaccountable adventure. The narrative was 
accompanied with every indication of extreme agony, produced by deep and 
tender feeling, as well as by a sense of insulted honour. 

Siffredi was surprised at the occurrence. Though it did not appear to him 
at all probable, that was no reason for being easy about its reality. The king's 
passion might accomplish anything ; and that idea alone justified the most 
cruel apprehensions. But it could do no good to foster either the natural 
jealousy of his son-in-law, or his particular suspicions arising out of circum- 
stances. He therefore endeavoured to persuade him, with an air of confidence, 
that this imaginary voice, and airy sword opposed to his substantial one, were, 



1 

THE FATAL MARRIAGE. 127 I 

and could possibly be, but the gratuitous creations of a fancy, under the influ- 
ence of amorous distrust. It was morally impossible that any person should 
have made his way into his daughter's chamber. With regard to the melan- 
choly, so visible in his wife's deportment, it might very naturally be attributed 
to precarious health and delicacy of constitution. The honour of a husband 
need not be so tremblingly alive to all the qualms of maiden fear and inexperi- 
ence. Change of condition, in the case of a girl habituated to live almost 
without human society, and abruptly consigned to the embraces of a man in 
whom love and previous acquaintance had not inspired confidence, might inno- 
cently be the cause of these tears, of these sighs, and of this lively affliction so 
irksome to his feelings. But it was to be considered that tenderness, especially 
in the hearts of young ladies, fortified by the pride of blood against the excesses 
of love-sick abandonment, was only to be cherished into a flame by time and 
assiduity. He therefore exhorted him to tranquillize his disturbed mind ; to be 
ardently officious in redoubling every instance of affection ; to create a soft 
and seducing interest in the sensibility of Blanche. In short, he besought him 
earnestly to return to her apartment, and laboured to persuade him that his 
distrust and confusion would only set her on an unconjugal and litigious defence 
of her insulted virtue. 

The constable returned no answer to the arguments of his father-in-law, 
whether because he began to think in good earnest that his senses were imposed 
on by the disorder of his mind, or because he thought it more to the purpose to 
dissemble, than to undertake ineffectually to convince the old man of an event 
so devoid of all likelihood. He returned to his wife's chamber, laid himself 
down by her side, and endeavoured to obtain from sleep some relief from his 
extreme uneasiness. Blanche, on her part, the unhappy Blanche, was not a 
whit more at her ease. Her ears had been but too open to the same alarming 
sounds, which had assailed her husband's peace ; nor cotfld she construe into 
illusion an adventure of which she well knew the secret and the motives. She 
was surprised that Enriquez should attempt to find his way into her apartment, 
after having pledged his faith so solemnly to the Princess Constance. Instead 
of feeding her soul with vanity, or deriving any flattering omens from a pro- 
ceeding fraught with personal tenderness, but destructive to self-approbation, 
she considered it as a new insult, and her heart was only so much the more ex- 
asperated with resentment against the author. 

While Siffredi's daughter, with all her prejudices excited against the young 
king, believed him the most guilty of men, that unhappy prince, more than ever 
ensnared by Blanche, was anxious for an interview, to satisfy her mind on a 
subject which seemed to make so much against him. For that purpose he 
would have visited Belmonte sooner, but for a press of business too urgent to 
be neglected ; nor could he withdraw himself from the court before that night. 
He was perfectly at home in all the turnings of a place where he had been 
brought up, and therefore was at no loss to slip into the castle of Siffredi. 
Nay, he was still in possession of the key to a secret door communicating with 
the gardens. By this inlet did he gain his former apartment, and thence found 
his way into Blanche's chamber. Only conceive what must have been the 
astonishment of that prince to find a man in possession, and to feel a sword 
opposed to his guard. He was just on the point of betraying all, and of pun- 
ishing the rebel on the very spot, whose sacrilegious hand had dared to lift it- 
self against the person of its lawful sovereign. But then the delicacy due to 
the daughter of Leontio held his indignation in check. He retreated in the 
same direction as he had advanced, and regained the Palermo road, in more 
distress and perplexity than ever. Getting home some little time before day- 
break, his apartment afforded him the most quiet retreat. But his thoughts 



GIL BLAS. 



were all on the road back to Belmonte. The resting-place of his affections, a 
sense of honour, in a word, love with all its pretensions and surmises, would 
never allow him to delay an explanation, involving all the circumstances of so 
strange and melancholy an adventure. 

As soon as it was daylight he gave out that he was going on a hunting expe- 
dition. Under cover of sporting, his huntsmen and a chosen party of his 
courtiers penetrated into the forest of Belmonte under his direction. The 
chase was followed for some time, as a blind to his real design. When he saw 
the whole party eagerly driving on, and wholly engrossed by the sport, he 
galloped off in a different direction, and struck, without any attendants, into 
the road towards Leontio's castle. The various tracks of the forest were too 
well known to him to admit of his losing his way. His impatience, too, would 
not allow him to take any thought of his horse ; so that the moments scarcely 
flitted faster, than his expedition in leaving behind him the distance which 
separated him from the object of his love. His very soul was on the rack for 
some plausible excuse to plead for a private interview with Siffredi's daughter, 
when, crossing a narrow path just at the park gate, he observed two women 
sitting close by him, in earnest conversation under the shelter of a tree. It 
might well be supposed that these females belonged to the castle ; and even 
that probability was sufficient to rouse an interest in him. But his emotion 
was heightened into a feeling beyond his reason to control, for these ladies 
happened to look round on hearing the trot of a horse advancing in that di- 
rection ; when at once he recognized his dear Blanche. The fact was, she had 
made her escape from the castle with Nisa, the person of all others among her 
women most in her confidence, that she might at least have the satisfaction of 
weeping over her misfortunes without intrusion or restraint. 

He flew, and seemed rather to throw himself headlong than to fall at her 
feet. But when he beheld in the expression of her countenance every mark of 
the deepest affliction, his heart was softened. Lovely Blanche, said he, do not, 
let me entreat you, give way to the emotions of your grief. Appearances, I 
own, must represent me as guilty in your eyes : but when you shall be made ac- 
quainted with my project in your behalf, what you consider as a crime will be 
transformed in your thoughts into a proof of my innocence, and an evidence of 
my unparalleled affection. These words, calculated, according to the views of 
Enriquez, to allay the grief of Blanche, served only to redouble her affliction. 
Fain would she have answered, but her sobs stifled her utterance. The prince, 
thunderstruck at the death-like agitation of her frame, addressed her thus. 
What, madam, is there no possibility of tranquillizing your' agitation ? By 
what sad mischance have I lost your confidence, at the very moment when my 
crown and even my life are at stake, in consequence of my resolution to hold 
myself engaged to you ? At this suggestion the daughter of Leontio, doing 
violence to her own feelings, but thinking it necessary to explain herself, said 
to him — My liege, your assurances are no longer admissible. My destiny and 
yours are henceforward as far asunder as the poles. Ah ! Blanche, interrupted 
Enriquez with impatience, what cutting words are these, too painful for my 
sense of hearing ? Wlio dares step in between our loves ? Who would venture 
to stand forward against the headlong rage of a king who would kindle all 
Sicily into a conflagration, rather than suffer you to be ravished from his long- 
cherished hopes ? All your power, my liege, great as it is, replied the daughter 
of Siffredi in a tone of melancholy, becomes inefficient against the obstacles in 

the way of our union. I know not how to tell it you, but I am married 

to the constable. 

Married to the constable ! exclaimed the prince, starting back to some dis- 
tance from her. He could proceed no further in his discourse, so completely 



THE FATAL MARRIAGE. 129 

was he thunderstruck at the intelligence. Overwhelmed by this unexpected 
blow, he felt his strength forsake him. His unconscious limbs laid themselves 
without his guidance against the trunk of a tree just behind him. His coun- 
tenance was pallid, his whole frame in a tremor, his mind bewildered and his 
spirits depressed. With no sense or faculty at liberty but that of gazing, and 
there every power of his soul was suspended on Blanche, he made her feel 
most poignantly how he himself was agonized by the fatal event she had an- 
nounced. The expression of countenance on her part was such as to show him 
that her emotions were not uncongenial with his own. Thus did these two 
distressed lovers for a time preserve a silence towards each other, which por- 
tended something of terror in its calmness. At length the prince, recovering a 
little from his disorder by an effort of courage, resumed the discourse, and said 
to Blanche with a sigh — Madam, what have you done ? You have destroyed 
me, and involved yourself in the same ruin by your credulity. 

Blanche was offended at the seeming reproaches of the king, when the 
strongest grounds of complaint were apparently on her side. What ! my lord, 
answered she, do you add dissimulation to infidelity ? Would you have me 
reject the evidence of my own eyes and ears, so as to believe you innocent in 
spite of their report ? No, my lord, I will own to you such an effort of abstrac- 
tion is not in my power. And yet, madam, replied the king, these witnesses 
by whose testimony you have been so fully convinced, are but impostors. 
They have been in a conspiracy to betray you. It is no less the fact that I am 
innocent and faithful, than it is true that you are married to the constable. 
What is it you say, my lord ? replied she. Did I not overhear you confirming 
the pledge of your hand and heart to Constance ? Have you not bound yourself 
to the nobility of the realm, and undertaken to comply with the will of the late 
king? Has not the princess received the homage of your new subjects as their 
queen, and in quality of bride to Prince Enriquez ? Were my eyes then fasci- 
nated ? Tell me, tell me rather, traitor, that Blanche was weighed as dust in 
the balance of your heart, when compared with the attractions of a throne. 
Without lowering yourself so far as to assume what you no longer feel, and 
what perhaps you never felt, own at once that the crown of Sicily appeared a 
more tenable possession with Constance than with the daughter of Leontio. You 
are in the right, my lord. My title to an illustrious throne, and to the heart of 
a prince like you, stands on an equally precarious footing. It was vanity in 
the extreme to prefer a claim to either : but you ought not to have drawn me 
on into error. You well recollect what alarms were my portion at the very 
thought of losing you, of which I had almost a supernatural foreboding. Why 
did you lull my apprehensions to sleep ? To what purpose was that delusive 
mockery ? I might else have accused fate rather than yourself, and you would 
at least have retained an interest in my heart, though unaccompanied by a hand 
which no other suitor could ever have obtained. As we are now circumstanced, 
your justification is out of season. I am married to the constable. To relieve 
me from the continuance of an interview, which casts a shade over my purity 
hitherto unsullied, permit me, my lord, without failing in due respect, to with- 
draw from the presence of a prince to whose addresses I am no longer at 
liberty to listen. 

With these words, she darted away from Enriquez in as hurried a step as the 
agitation of her spirits would allow. Stop, madam, exclaimed he, drive not 
to despair a prince, inclined to overturn a throne, which you reproach him for 
having preferred to yourself, rather than yield to the importunities of his new 
subjects. That sacrifice is under present circumstances superfluous, rejoined 
Blanche. The bond must be broken between the constable and me, before 
any effect can be produced by these generous transports. Since I am not my 



GIL BLAS. 



own mistress, little would it avail that Sicily should be embroiled, nor does it 
concern me to whom you give your hand. If I have betrayed my own weak- 
ness, and suffered my heart to be surprised, at least shall I muster fortitude 
enough to suppress every soft emotion, and prove to the new king of Sicily, 
that the wife of the constable is no longer the mistress of Prince Enriquez. 
While this conversation was passing, they reached the park gate. With a 
sudden spring she and Nisa got within the walls. As they took care to fasten 
the wicket after them, the prince was left in a state of melancholy and stupe- 
faction. He could not recover from the stunning sensation, occasioned by the 
intelligence of Blanche's marriage. Unjust may I well call you, exclaimed he. 
You have buried all remembrance of our solemn engagement ! Spite of my 
protestations and your own, our fates are rent asunder ? The long-cherished 
hope of possessing those charms w r as an empty phantom ! Ah ! cruel as you 
are, how 7 dearly have I purchased the distinction, of compelling you to acknow- 
ledge the constancy of my love ! 

At that moment his rival's happiness, heightened by the colouring of jea- 
lousy, presented itself to his mind in all the horrors of that frantic passion. So 
arbitrary was its sway over him for some moments, that he was on the point of 
sacrificing the constable, and even Siffredi, to his blind vengeance. Reason, 
however, calmed by little and little the violence of his transports. And yet 
the obvious impossibility of effacing from the mind of Blanche her natural con- 
viction of his infidelity, reduced him to despair. He flattered himself with 
weaning her from her prejudices, could he but converse with her secure from 
interruption. To attain this end, it seemed the most feasible plan to get rid of 
the constable. He therefore determined to have him arrested, as a person 
suspected of treasonable designs, in the then unsettled state of public affairs. 
This commission w'as given to the captain of his guard, who went immediately 
to Belmonte, secured the person of his prisoner just as the evening was closing 
in, and carried him to the castle of Palermo. 

This occurrence spread an alarm at Belmonte. Siffredi took his departure 
forthwith, to offer his own responsibility to the king for the innocence of his 
son-in-law, and to represent in their true colours the unpleasant consequences 
attending such arbitrary exertions of power. The prince, who had anticipated 
such a proceeding on the part of his minister, and was determined at least to 
secure himself a free interview with Blanche before the release of the constable, 
had expressly forbidden any one to address him till the next day. But Leontio, 
setting this prohibition at defiance, contrived so well as to make his way into 
the king's chamber. My liege, said he, with an air of humility tempered with 
firmness, if it is allowable for a subject full of respect and loyalty to complain 
of his master, I have to arraign you before the tribunal of your own conscience. 
What crime has my son-in-law committed ? Has your majesty sufficiently 
reflected what an everlasting reproach is entailed on my family ? Are the con- 
sequences of an imprisonment calculated to disgust all the most important 
officers of the state with the service, a matter of indifference ? I have undoubted 
information, answered the king, that the constable holds a criminal corre- 
spondence with the Infant Don Pedro. A criminal correspondence ! inter- 
rupted Leontio, with surprise. Ah ! my liege, give no ear to the surmise. 
Your majesty is played upon. Treason never gained a footing in the family of 
Siffredi It is sufficient security for the constable that he is my son-in-law, to 
place him above all suspicion. The constable is innocent : but private motives 
have been the occasion of your arresting him. 

Since you speak to me so openly, replied the king, I will adopt the same 
sincerity with you. You complain of the constable's imprisonment ! Be it so. 
And have I no reason to complain of your cruelty ? It is you, barbarous Siffredi, 



THE FA TAL MARRIA GE. 



who have wrested my tranquillity from me, and reduced your sovereign, by 
your officious cares, to envy the lowliest of the human race. For do not so far 
deceive yourself as to believe that I shall ever enter into your views. My mar- 
riage with Constance is quite out of the question What, my liege, 

interrupted Leontio, with an expression of" horror, is there any doubt about 
your marrying the princess, after having nattered her with that hope in the face 
of your whole people ? If their wishes are disappointed, replied the king, take 
the credit to yourself. Wherefore did you reduce me to the necessity of giving 
them a promise my heart would not allow me to make good ? Where was the 
occasion to fill up with the name of Constance an instrument designed for the 
elevation of your own daughter ? You could not be a stranger to my design ; 
need you have completed your tyranny by devoting Blanche to the arms of a 
man to whom she could not give her heart ? And what authority have you 
over mine to dispose of it in favour of a princess whom I detest ? Have you 
forgotten that she is the daughter of that cruel Matilda, who, trampling the 
rights of consanguinity and human nature under foot, caused my father to 
breathe his last under all the rigours of a hard captivity ? And should I marry 
her ! No, Siffredi, throw away that hope. Before the lurid torch of such an 
hymeneal shall be kindled in your presence, you shall behold all Sicily in flames, 
and the expiring embers quenched in blood. 

Do not my ears deceive me ? exclaimed Leontio. Ah ! sovereign, what a 
scene do you present me with ! Who can hear such menaces without shudder- 
ing? But I am too forward to take the alarm, continued he in an altered 
voice. You are in too close a union with your subjects to be the instrument of 
a catastrophe so melancholy. You will not suffer passion to triumph over 
your reason. Virtues like yours shall never lose their lustre by the tarnish of 
human and ordinary weakness. If I have given my daughter into the arms of 
the constable, it was with the design, my liege, of securing to your majesty a 
powerful subject, able by his own valour, and the army under his command, to 
maintain your party against that of the Prince Don Pedro. It appeared to me 

that by connecting him with my family in so close a bond Yes, 

yes ! This bond, exclaimed Prince Enriquez, this fatal bond has been my ruin. 
Unfeeling friend, to aim a wound at my vital part ! What commission had 
you to take care of my interests at the expense of my affections ? Why did 
you not leave me to support my pretensions by my own arm ? Was there any 
question about my courage that I should be thought incompetent to reduce my 
rebellious subjects to their obedience? Means might have been found to punish 
the constable had he dared to have fallen off from his allegiance ! I am well 
aware of the difference between a lawful king and an arbitrary tyrant. The 
happiness of our people is our first duty. But are we, on the other hand, to be 
the slaves of our subjects ? From the moment when we are selected by heaven 
for our high office, do we lose the common privilege of nature, the birthright 
of the human race, to dispose of our affections in whatsoever current they may 
flow ? Well then ! if we are less our own masters than the lowest of the 
human race, take back, Siffredi, that sovereign authority you affect to have 
secured to me by the wreck of my personal happiness. 

You cannot but be acquainted, my liege, replied the minister, that it was on 
your marriage with the princess, the late king, your uncle, made the succession 
of the crown to depend. And by what right, rejoined Enriquez, did even he 
assume to himself so arbitrary a disposition ? Was it on such unworthy terms 
that he succeeded his brother, King Charles ? How came you yourself to be 
so besotted as to allow of a stipulation so unjust ? For a high chancellor, you 
are not too well versed in our laws and constitutions. To cut the matter short, 
though I have promised my hand to Constance, the engagement was not 



132 GIL BLAS. 



voluntary. I do not therefore think myself bound to keep, my word ; and if 
Don Pedro founds on my refusal any hope of succeeding to the throne without 
involving the nation in a bloody and destructive contest, his error will be too 
soon visible. The sword shall decide between us to whom the prize of empire 
may more worthily fall. Leontio could not venture to press him further, and 
confined himself to supplicating on his knees for the liberty of his son-in-law. 
That boon he obtained. Go, said the king to him, return to Belmonte, the 
constable shall follow you thither without delay. The minister departed, and 
made the best of his way to Belmonte, under the persuasion that his son-in-law 
would overtake him on the road. In this he was mistaken. Enriquez was 
determined to visit Blanche that night, and with such views he deferred the 
enlargement of her husband till the next morning. 

During this time the feelings of the constable were of the most agonizing na- 
ture. His imprisonment had opened his eyes to the real cause of his misfor- 
tune. He gave himself up to jealousy without restraint or remorse, and bely- 
ing the good faith which had hitherto rendered his character so valuable, his 
thoughts were all bent on his revenge. As he conjectured rightly that the king 
would not fail to reconnoitre Blanche's apartment during the night, it was his 
object to surprise them together. He therefore besought the governor of the 
castle at Palermo to allow of his absence from the prison, on the assurance of 
his return before daybreak. The governor, who was devoted to his interest, 
gave his permission so much the more easily, as being already advertised that 
Siffredi had procured his liberty. Indeed, he even went so far as to supply him 
with a horse for his journey to Belmonte. The constable on his arrival there 
fastened his horse to a tree. He then got into the park by a little gate of 
which he had the key, and was lucky enough to slip into the castle without 
being recognized by any one. On reaching his wife's apartment he concealed 
himself in the ante-chamber, behind a screen placed as if expressly for his use. 
His intention was to observe narrowly what was going forward, and to present 
himself on a sudden in Blanche's chamber at the sound of any footstep he 
should hear. The first object he beheld was Nisa, taking leave of her mistress 
for the night, and withdrawing to a closet where she slept. 

Siffredi's daughter, who had been at no loss to fathom the mjeaning of her 
husband's imprisonment, was fully convinced that he would not return to Bel- 
monte that night, although she had heard from her father of the king's assur- 
ance that the constable should set out immediately after him. As little could 
she doubt but Enriquez would avail himself of the interval to see and converse 
with her at his pleasure. With this expectation she awaited the prince's ar- 
rival, to reproach him for a line of conduct so pregnant with fatal consequences 
to herself. As she had anticipated, a very short time after Nisa had retired the 
sliding panel opened, and the king threw himself at the feet of his beloved. 
Madam, said he, condemn me not without a hearing. It is true I have occa- 
sioned the constable's imprisonment, but then consider that it was the only 
method left me for my justification. Attribute therefore that despei-ate strata- 
gem to yourself alone. Why did you refuse to listen to my explanation this 
morning ? Alas ! To-morrow your husband will be liberated, and I shall no 
longer have an opportunity of addressing you. Hearken to me then for the 
last time. If the loss of you has embittered the remainder of my days, vouch- 
safe me at least the melancholy satisfaction of convincing you that I have not 
called down this misfortune on myself by my own inconstancy. I did indeed 
confirm the pledge of my hand to Constance, but then it was unavoidable in 
the situation to which your father's policy had reduced us. It was necessary 
to put this imposition on the princess for your interest and for my own ; to 
secure to you your crown, and with it the hand and heart of your devoted 



THE FATAL MARRIAGE. 133 

lover. I had flattered myself with the prospect of success. Measures were 
already taken to supersede that engagement, but you have destroyed the bright 
illusions of my fancy ; and, by disposing of yourself too precipitately, have ante- 
dated an eternity of torment for two hearts, whom a mutual and perfect love 
might have conducted to perpetual bliss. 

He concluded this explanation with such evident marks of unfeigned agony, 
that Blanche was affected by his words. She had no longer any hesitation 
about his innocence. At first her joy was unbounded at the conviction ; but 
then again a sense of their cruel circumstances gained the ascendant over her 
mind. Ah ! my honoured lord, said she to the prince, after such a determina- 
tion of our destinies, you only inflict a new pang by informing me that you were not 
to blame. What have I done, wretched as I am ? My keen resentment has 
betrayed me into error. I fancied myself cast off; and in the moment of my 
anger, accepted the hand of the constable, whose addresses my father pro- 
moted. But the crime is all my own, though the woes are mutual. Alas ! 
In the very conjuncture when I accused you of deceiving me, it was by my own 
act, too credulously impassioned as I was, that the ties were broken, which I 
had sworn for ever to make indissoluble. Take your revenge, my lord, in your 
turn. Indulge your hatred against the ungrateful Blanche .... Forget .... 
What ! and is it in my power then, madam ? interrupted Enriquez with a de- 
jected air : how is it possible to tear a passion from my heart, which even your 
injustice had not the power of extinguishing? Yet it becomes necessary for 
you to make that effort, my liege, replied the daughter of Siffredi, with a deep 
sigh. . . . And shall you be equal to that effort yourself? replied the king. I 
am not confident with myself for my success, answered she : but I shall spare 
no pains in the attainment of my object. Ah ! unfeeling fair one, said the 
prince, you will easily banish Enriquez from your remembrance, since you can 
contemplate such a purpose so steadfastly. Whither then does your imagina- 
tion lead ? said Blanche, in a more decisive tone. Do you flatter yourself that 
I can permit the continuance of your tender assiduities ? No, my lord, banish 
that hope for ever from your thoughts. If I was not born for royalty, neither 
has heaven formed me to be degraded by illicit addresses. My husband, like 
yourself, my liege, is allied to the noble house of Anjou. Though the call of 
duty were less peremptory, in opposing an insurmountable obstacle to your in- 
sidious proposals, a sense of pride would hinder me from admitting them. I 
conjure you to withdraw : we must meet no more. What a barbarous sen- 
tence ! exclaimed the king. Ah ! Blanche, is it possible that you should treat 
me with so much severity ? Is it not enough then to weigh me down, that the 
constable should be in possession of your charms ? And yet you would cut me 
off from the bare sight of you, the only comfort which remains to me ! For 
that very reason avoid my presence, answered Siffredi's daughter, not without 
some tears of tenderness. The contemplation of what we have dearly loved is 
no longer a blessing, when we have lost all hope of the possession. Adieu, 
my lord ! Shun my very image. You owe that exertion to your own honour 
and to my good name. I claim it also for my own peace of mind : for to deal 
sincerely, though my virtue should be steady enough to combat with the sug- 
gestions of my heart, the very remembrance of your affection stirs up so cruel a 
conflict, that it is almost too much for my frail nature to support the shock. 

Her utterance of these words was attended with so energetic an action, as to 
overset the light placed on a table behind her, and its fall left the room in 
darkness. Blanche picked it up. She then opened the door of the ante- 
chamber, and went to Nisa's closet, who was not yet gone to bed, for the pur- 
pose of lighting it again. She was now returning, after having accomplished 
her errand. The king, who was waiting for her impatiently, no sooner saw 



134 GIL BLAS. 



her approach, than he resumed his ardent plea with her, to allow of his atten- 
tions. At the prince's voice, the constable rushed impetuously, sword in hand, 
into the room, almost at the same moment with his bride. Advancing up to 
Enriquez with all the indignation which his fury kindled within him : This is 
too much, tyrant, cried he ; natter not yourself that I am cowardly enough to 
bear with this affront, which you have offered to my honour. Ay ! traitor, an- 
swered the king, standing on his guard, lay aside the vain imagination of being 
able to compass your purpose with impunity. With these mutual taunts, they 
entered on a conflict, too violent to be long undecided. The constable, fearing 
lest Siffredi and his attendants should be roused too soon by the piercing 
shrieks of Blanche, and should interpose between him and his revenge, took no 
care of himself. His frenzy robbed him of all skill. He fenced so heedlessly, 
as to run headlong on his adversary's sword. The weapon entered his body 
up to the hilt. He fell ; and the king instantaneously checked his hand. 

The daughter of Leontio, touched at her husband's condition, and rising su- 
perior to her natural repugnance, threw herself on the ground, and was anxious 
to afford him every assistance. But that ill-fated bridegroom was too deeply 
prejudiced against her, to allow himself to be softened by the evidences she 
gave of her sorrow and her pity. Death, whose hand he felt upon him, could 
not stifle the transports of his jealousy. In these his last moments, no image 
presented itself to his mind but his rival's success. So insufferable was that 
idea to him, that, collecting together the little strength he had left, he raised 
his sword, which he still grasped convulsively, and plunged it deep in Blanche's 
bosom. Die, said he, as he inflicted the fatal wound ; die, faithless bride, 
since the ties of wedlock were not strong enough to preserve to me the vow 
which you had sworn upon the altar. And as for you, Enriquez, pursued he, 
triumph not too loudly on your destinies. You are prevented from taking ad- 
vantage of my fro ward fortune ; and I die content. Scarcely did these words 
quiver on his lips, when he breathed his last. His countenance, overcast as it 
was with the shades of death, had still something in it of fierceness and of 
terror. That of Blanche presented a quite different aspect. The wound she 
had received was mortal. She fell on the scarcely breathing body of her hus- 
band : and the blood of the innocent victim flowed in the same stream with 
that of her murderer, who had executed his cruel purpose so suddenly, that the 
king could not prevent it from taking effect. 

This ill-fated prince uttered a cry at the sight of Blanche as she fell. Pierced 
deeper than herself by the stab which deprived her of life, he did his utmost to 
afford the same relief to her as she had offered, though at so fatal an expense, 
to one who might have rewarded her better. But she addressed him in these 
words, while the last breath quivered on her lips : My lord, your assiduities 
are fruitless, I am the victim. Merciless fate demands me, and I resign myself 
to death. May the anger of heaven be appeased by the sacrifice, and the pros- 
perity of your reign be confirmed. As she was with difficulty uttering these 
last words, Leontio, drawn thither by the reverberation of her shrieks, came into 
the room ; and, thunderstruck at the dreadful scene before him, remained fixed 
to the spot where he stood. Blanche, without noticing his presence, went on 
addressing herself to the king. Farewell, prince, said she ; cherish my memory 
with the tenderness it deserves. My affection and my misfortunes entitle me at 
least to that. Harbour no aversion to my father ; he is innocent.' Be a com- 
fort to his remaining days ; assuage his grief ; acknowledge his fidelity. Above 
all, convince him of my spotless virtue. With this I charge you, before every 
other consideration. Farewell, my dear Enriquez I am dying Re- 
ceive my last sigh. 

Here her words were intercepted by the approach of death. For some time 



A URORA ARRIVES A T SALAMANCA. 135 

the king maintained a sullen silence. At length he said to Siffredi, whose 
senses seemed to be locked up in a mortal trance : Behold, Leontio ; feed on 
the contemplation of your own work. In this tragical event, you may ruminate 
on the issue of your officious cares, and your overweening zeal for my service. 
The old man returned no answer, so deeply was he penetrated by his affliction. 
But wherefore dwell on the description of circumstances, when the powers of 
language must sink under the weight of such a catastrophe ? Suffice it to say, 
that they mutually poured forth their sorrows in the most affecting terms, as 
soon as their grief allowed them to give vent to its effusions in speech. 

Through the whole course of his life, the king cherished a tender recollection 
of his mistress. He could not bring himself to marry Constance. The infant 
Don Pedro combined with that princess, and by their joint efforts, an obstinate 
attempt was made to carry the will of Roger into execution ; but they were 
compelled in the end to give way to Prince Enriquez, who gained the ascend- 
ancy over all his enemies. As for Siffredi, the melancholy he contracted from 
having been the cause of destruction to his dearest friends, gave him a disgust 
to the world, and made a longer abode in his native country insupportable. 
He turned his back on Sicily for ever ; and, coming over into Spain with Portia, 
his surviving daughter, purchased this mansion. He lived here nearly fifteen 
years after the death of Blanche, and had the consolation, before his own death, 
of establishing Portia in the world. She married Don Jerome de Silva, and I 
am the only issue of that marriage. Such, pursued the widow of Don Pedro 
de Pinares, is the story of my family ; a faithful recital of the melancholy events 
represented in that picture, which was painted by order of my grandfather 
Leontio, as a record to his posterity of the fatal adventure I have related. 

Ch. V. — The behaviour of Aurora de Guzman 011 her arrival at Salamanca. 

Ortiz, her companions, and myself, after having heard this tale, withdrew to- 
gether from the hall, where we left Aurora with Elvira. There they lengthened 
out the remainder of the day in a mutual intercourse of confidence. They were 
not likely to be weary of each other : and on the following morning, when we 
took our leave, there was as much to do to part them, as if they had been two 
friends brought up in the closest habits of confidence and affection. 

In due time we reached Salamanca without any impediment. There we 
immediately engaged a ready-furnished house, and Dame Ortiz, as it had been 
before agreed, assumed the name of Donna Kimena de Guzman. She had 
played the part of a duenna too long not to be able to shift her character ac- 
cording to circumstances. One morning she went out with Aurora, a waiting- 
maid and a man-servant, and betook herself to a lodging-house, where we had 
been informed that Pacheco most commonly took up his abode. She asked if 
there was any lodging to be let there. The answer was in the affirmative ; and 
they showed her into a room in very neat condition, which she hired. She paid 
down earnest to the landlady, telling her that it was for one of her nephews who 
was coming from Toledo to finish his studies at Salamanca, and might be ex- 
pected on that very day. 

The duenna and my mistress, after having made sure of this apartment, went 
back the way they came, and the lovely Aurora, without loss of time, metamor- 
phosed herself into a spruce young spark. She concealed her black ringlets 
under a braid of light-coloured hair, the better to disguise herself ; manu- 
factured her eyebrows to correspond, and dressed herself up in such a costume, 
as to look for all the world as if her sex were of a piece with her appearance. 
Her deportment was free and easy ; so that, with the exception of her face, which 
was somewhat more delicate than became the manly character, there was no- 



136 GIL BLAS. 



thing to lead to a discovery of her masquerading. The waiting-woman who 
was to officiate as page, got into her paraphernalia at the same time, and we had 
no apprehension respecting her competency to perform her part. There was 
no danger of her beauty telling any tales ; and besides, she could put on as brazen- 
faced a swagger as the most impudent dog in town. After dinner, our two 
actresses, finding themselves in cue to make their first appearance on the stage, 
where the scene was laid in the ready-furnished lodging, took me along with 
them. We all three placed ourselves in the coach, and carried with us all the 
baggage, we were likely to have occasion for. 

The landlady, Bernarda Ramirez by name, welcomed us with a glut of civility, 
and led the way to our room, where we began to make arrangements with her. 
We concluded a bargain for our board by the month, which she undertook 
should be suitable to our condition. Then we asked if she had her complement 
of boarders. I have none at all at present, answered she. Not that there 
would be any want of enough, if I was of the mind to take in all sorts of 
people : but young men of fashion are the thing for me. I expect one of that 
description this morning : he is coming hither from Madrid to complete his 
education. Don Lewis Pacheco ! But you must have heard of him before 
now. No, said Aurora, T have no acquaintance whatever with the gentleman ; 
and since we are to be inmates together, you will do me a kindness by letting 
me a little into his character. Please your honour, replied the landlady, leering 
at this outside of a man, his figure is as taking as your own ; just the same sort 
of make, and about the same size. Oh ! how well you will do together ! By 
St James, though I say it who should not say it, I shall have about me two of 
the prettiest young fellows in all Spain. Well, but about Don Lewis ! for my 
mistress was in a fidget to ask the grand question. Of course ; .... he is well 
with the ladies in your parts ! Enough of ... of love affairs ... on his hands ! 
Oh ! do not you be afraid of that, rejoined the old lady ; it is a forward sprig of 
gallantry, take my word for it. He has but to shew himself before the works, 
and the citadel sends to capitulate. Among the number of his conquests, he 
has got into the good graces of a lady, with as much youth and beauty as he 
will know what to do with. Her name is Isabella. Her father is an old doctor 
of laws. She is over head and ears in love with him ; absolutely out of her 
wits ! Well, but do tell me now, my dear little woman, interrupted Aurora, as 
if she was ready to burst, is he out of" his wits too ? He used to be very fond of 
her, answered Bernarda Ramirez, before he went last to Madrid : but whether 
he holds in the same mind still, I will not venture to say ; because on these 
points he is not altogether to be trusted. He is apt to flirt, first with one woman, 
and then with another, just as all you young deceivers take pleasure in doing. 
You are all alike ! 

The bonny widow had scarcely got to the end of her harangue, before we 
heard a noise in the court. On looking out at the window, behold ! there ap- 
peared two young men dismounting from their steeds. Who should it be, but the 
identical Don Lewis Pacheco, just arrived from Madrid with a servant behind 
him. The old lady brushed off to go and usher him in ; while my mistress was 
putting herself in order, not without some palpitation of heart, to enact Don 
Felix to the best of her conceptions. Without waiting for any formalities, in 
marched Don Lewis to our apartment in his travelling dress. I have just been 
informed, said he, paying his respects to Aurora, that a young nobleman of 
Toledo takes up his abode in this house. May I take the liberty of expressing 
my joy in the circumstance, and hoping that we may be better acquainted ? 
During my mistress's reply to this compliment, it seemed to me as if Pacheco 
did not know what to make of so smock-faced a young spark. Indeed he could 
not refrain from declaring a more than ordinary admiration of an air and figure 



D ON IE WIS IS DE CEIVED BY AUR OR A. 1 3 7 

so attractive. After abundance of discourse, with every demonstration of re- 
ciprocal good breeding, Don Lewis withdrew to the apartment provided for 
him. 

While he was getting his boots off, and changing his dress and linen, a sort of 
a page, on the look-out after him to deliver a letter, met Aurora by chance 
on the staircase. Her he mistook for Don Lewis. Thinking he had found the 
right owner for this tender message, of which he was the Mercury — Softly ! my 
honoured lord and master, said he, though I have not the honour of knowing 
Signor Pacheco, there can be no occasion for asking whether you are the man. 
It is impossible to be mistaken in the guess. No, my friend, answered my 
mistress with a most happy presence of mind, assuredly you are not mistaken. 
You acquit yourself of your embassies to a marvel. I am Don Lewis Pacheco. 
You may retire ! I will find an opportunity of sending an answer. The page 
vanished, and Aurora shutting herself up with her waiting-maid and me, opened 
the letter, and read to us as follows : — "I have just heard of your being at 
Salamanca. With what joy did I receive the news ! I thought I should have 
gone out of my senses. But do you love Isabella as well as ever ? Lose no 
time in assuring her that you are still the same. In good truth, she will almost 
expire with pleasure when once she is assured of your constancy." 

This is a mighty passionate epistle, said Aurora. The heart that indited it 
has been caught in a trap. This lady is a rival of no mean capacity. No pains 
must be spared to wean Don Lewis from her, and even to prevent any future 
interview. The undertaking is difficult, I acknowledge, and yet there seems no 
reason to despair of the result. My mistress, taking her own hint, fell into a 
fit of musing ; from which having recovered as soon as she fell into it, she added 
— I will lay a wager they are at daggers drawn in less than twenty-four hours. 
It so happened that Pacheco, after a short repose in his apartment, came to 
look after us in ours, and entered once more into conversation with Aurora be- 
fore supper. My dapper little knight, said he with a rakish air, I fancy the poor 
devils of husbands and lovers will have no reason to hug themselves on your 
arrival at Salamanca. You will make their hearts ache for them. As for my- 
self, I tremble for all my snug arrangements. I tell you what ! answered my 
mistress with congenial spirit, your fears are not without their foundation. Don 
Felix de Mendoza is rather formidable, so take care what you are about. This 
is not my first visit in this country, the ladies hereabouts, to my knowledge, are 
made of penetrable materials. About a month ago my way happened to lie 

through this city. I halted for eight days, and you are to know but 

you must not mention it that I set fire to the daughter of an old doctor 

of laws. 

It was evident enough that Don Lewis was disturbed by this declaration. 
Might one without impropriety, replied he, just ask the lady's name ? What do 
you mean by impropriety ? exclaimed the pretended Don Felix. Why make 
any secret about such a matter as that ? Do you think me more of a Joseph than 
other young noblemen of my standing ? Have a better opinion of my spirit. 
Besides, the object, between ourselves, is unworthy of any great reserve, she ijr 
but a little mushroom of the lower ranks. A man of fashion never quarrels wi' 
his conscience about such obscure gallantries, and even thinks it an honour ival's 

ferred on a tradesman's wife or daughter when he leaves her without ai: 

shall therefore acquaint you in plain terms, that the name of the doctorit may be 
ter is Isabella. And the doctor himself, interrupted Pacheco impatieted on stu- 
he possibly may be Signor Murcia de la Liana ? Precisely so, replihairs, along 
tress. Here is a letter sent me just now. Read it, and then youree, and such 
deeply your humble servant has dipped into her good graces. Lfior — " a hedge 
cast his eye upon the note, and recognizing the handwriting, wi 



138 GIL BLAS. 



with astonishment and vexation. What is the matter ? cried Aurora, with an 
air of surprise, keeping up the spirit of her assumed character. You change 
colour ! God forgive me, but you are a party concerned in this young lady. 
Ah ! Plague take my officious tongue for having opened my affairs to you with 
so much frankness. 

I am very much obliged to you for it for my own part, said Don Lewis in a 
transport made up of spite and rage. Traitress ! Jilt ! My dear Don Felix, 
how shall I ever requite you ! You have restored me to my senses when they 
were just on the wing for an eternal flight. I was tickling myself into a fool's 
paradise of credulous love. But love is too cold a term to express my extrava- 
gancies. I fancied myself adored by Isabella. The creature had wormed her- 
self into my heart by feigning to give me her own. But now I know her clearly 
for a coquette, and as such despise her as she deserves. Your feelings on the oc- 
casion do you infinite credit, said Aurora, testifying a friendly sympathy in his 
resentment. A plodding pettifogger's worthless brood might have gorged to 
surfeit on the love of a young nobleman so captivating as yourself. Her fickle- 
ness is inexcusable. So far from taking her sacrifice of you in good part, it is 
my determination to punish her by the keenest contempt. As for me, rejoined 
Pacheco, I shall never set eyes on her again ; and if that is not revenge, the 
devil is in it. You are in the right, exclaimed our masquerading Mendoza. At 
the same time, that she may fully understand how ineffably we both disdain her, 
I vote for sitting down, each of us, and writing her a sarcastic farewell. They 
shall be enclosed in one cover, and serve as an answer to her own letter. But 
do not let us proceed to this extremity till you have examined your heart ; it 
may be you will repent hereafter of having broken off with Isabella. No, no, 
interrupted Don Lewis, I am not such a fool as that comes to ; let it be a bar- 
gain, and we will mortify the ungrateful wretch as you propose. 

I immediately sent for pen, ink, and paper, when they sat themselves down 
at opposite corners of the table, and drew up a most tender bill of indictment 
against Doctor Murcia de la Liana's daughter. Pacheco, in particular, was at 
a loss for language forcible enough to convey his sentiments in all their acri- 
mony ; away went exordium after exordium, to the tearing and maiming of five 
or six fair sheets, before the words looked crooked enough to please his jealous 
eyes. At length, however, he produced an epistle which came up with his most 
tragical conceptions. It ran thus — "Self-knowledge is a leading branch of 
wisdom, my little philosopher. As a candidate for a professor's chair, lay aside 
the vanity of fancying yourself amiable. It requires merit of a far different com- 
pass to fix my affections. You have not enough of the woman about you to 
afford me even a temporary amusement. Yet do not despair, you have a sphere 
of your own, the beggarly servitors in our university have a keen appetite, but 
no very distinguishing palate." So much for this elegant epistle ! When 
Aurora had finished hers, which rang the changes on similar topics, she sealed 
them, wrapped them up together, and giving me the packet — There, Gil Bias, 
said she, take care that comes to Isabella's hands this very evening. You com- 
prehend me ! added she, with a glance from the corner of her eye, which admitted 
pC no doubtful construction. Yes, my lord, answered I, your commands shall 
Felix °cuted to a tittle. 

march_ f no time in taking my departure ; no sooner in the street than I said to 
informea,So ho ! Master Gil Bias, your part then is that of the intriguing foot- 
Toledo tar's comedy. Well ! so be it, my friend ! shew that you have wit and 
my joy in th to top it over the favourite actor of the day. Signor Don Felix 
During my m as good as a nod. A high compliment to the quickness of your 
did not know Is he then in an error ? No. His hint is as clear as daylight, 
not refrain frontter is to drop its companion by the way. A lucid exposition of 



ISABELLA RECEIVES DON LE WIS'S LE TTER. 1 39 

a dark hieroglyphic, enough to shame the dulness of the commentators. The 
sacredness of a seal could never stand against this bright discovery. Out came 
the single letter of Pacheco, and away went I to hunt after Doctor Murcia's 
abode. At the very threshold, whom should I meet but the little page who 
had been at our lodging. Comrade, said I, do not you happen to live with the 
great lawyer's daughter ? His answer was in the affirmative. I see by your 
countenance, resumed I, that you know the ways of the world. May I beg the 
favour of you to slip this little memorandum into your mistress's hand ? 

The little page asked me on whose behalf I was a messenger. The name of 
Don Lewis Pacheco had no sooner escaped my lips, than he told me — Since 
that is the case, follow me. I have orders to shew you up. Isabella wants to 
confer with you. I was introduced -at once into a private apartment, where it 
was not long before the lady herself made her appearance. The beauty of her 
face was inexpressibly striking ; I do not recollect to have seen more lovely 
features. Her manner was somewhat mincing and infantine, yet for all that it 
had been thirty good years at least since she had mewled and puked in her 
nurse's arms. My friend, said she with an encouraging smile, are you on Don 
Lewis Pacheco's establishment ? I told her I had been in office for these three 
weeks. With this I fired off my paper popgun against her peace. She read it 
over two or three times, but if she had rubbed her eyes till doomsday she would 
have seen no clearer. In point of fact, nothing could be more unexpected than 
so cavalier an answer. Up went her eyes towards the heavens, appealing to 
their rival luminaries. The ivoiy* fences of her pretty mouth committed 
alternate trespass on her soft and suffering lips ; and her whole physiognomy 
bore witness to the pangs of her distressed and disappointed heart. Then 
coming to herself a little, and recovering her speech — My friend, said she, has 
Don Lewis taken leave of his senses ? Tell me, if you can, his motive for so 
heroic an epistle. If he is tired of me, well and good, but he might have taken 
his leave like a gentleman. 

Madam, said I, my master most assuredly has not acted as I should have 
acted in his place. But he has in some sort been compelled to do as he has 
done. If you would give me your word to keep the secret, I could unravel the 
whole mystery. You have it at once, interrupted she with eagerness ; depend 
on it you shall be brought into no scrape by me, therefore explain yourself 
without reserve. Well, then ! replied I, the fact is, without paraphrase, cir- 
cumlocution, loss of time, or perplexity of understanding, as I shall distinctly 
state in two short words — Not half a minute after the receipt of your letter, 
there came into our house a lady, under a veil as impenetrable as her purpose 
was dark. She inquired for Signor Pacheco, and talked with him in private 
for some time. At the close of the conversation, I overheard her saying — You 
swear to me never to see her more ; but we must not stop there, to set my 
heart completely at rest you must instantly write her a farewell letter of my 
dictating. You know my terms. Don Lewis did as she desired, then giving 
the result into my custody — Acquaint yourself, said he, where Doctor Murcia 
de la Liana lives, and contrive to administer this love potion to his daughter 
Isabella. 

You see plainly, madam, pursued I, that this uncivil epistle i-s a rival's 

* Should this phrase appear far-fetched in the person of Gil Bias, it may be 
recollected, that though not much of a student himself, he had waited on stu- 
dents ; and might have sucked in, while standing behind their chairs, along 
with "fates and destinies, and such old sayings, the sisters three, and such 
branches of learning," that exquisitely characteristic Greek metaphor — " a hedge 
of teeth."— Translator. 



l4 o GIL BLAS. 



handiwork, and that consequently my master is not so much to blame as he 
appears. Oh, heaven ! exclaimed she, he is more so than I was aware of. 
His words might have been the error of his hand, but his infidelity is the 
offence of his heart. Faithless man ! Now he is held by other ties ! .... But, 
added she, assuming an air of disdain, let him devote himself unconstrained to 
his new passion ; I shall never cross him. Tell him, however, that he need 
not have insulted me. I should have left the course open to my rival, without 
his warning me from the field : for so fickle a lover has not soul enough about 
him to pay for the degradation of soliciting his return. With this sentiment 
she gave me my dismissal, and retired in a whirlwind of passion against Don 
Lewis. 

My exit was conducted entirely to my own satisfaction, for I conceived that 
with due cultivation of my talent I might in time become a consummate hypo- 
crite and most successful cheat. I returned home on the strength of it, where 
I found my worthy masters, Mendoza and Pacheco, supping together, and 
rattling away as if they had been playfellows from their cradles. Aurora saw 
at once, by my self-sufficient air, that her commission had not been neglected 
in my hands. Here you are again then, Gil Bias, said she, give us an account 
of your embassy. Wit and invention was all I had to trust to, so 1 told them 
I had delivered the packet into Isabella's own hands; who, after having 
glanced over the contents of the two letters, so far from seeming disconcerted, 
burst into a fit of laughter, as if she had been mad, and said — Upon my word, 
our young men of fashion write in a pretty style. It must be owned they are 
much more entertaining than scribes of plebeian rank. It was a very good 
way of getting out of the scrape, exclaimed my mistress, she must be an arrant 
coquette. For my part, said Don Lewis,- 1 cannot trace a feature of Isabella 
in this conduct. Her character must have been completely metamorphosed in 
my absence. She struck me too in a very different light, replied Aurora. It 
must be allowed some women can assume all modes and fashions at will. I 
was once in love with one of that description, and a fine dance she led me. 
Gil Bias can tell you the whole story ! She had an air of propriety about her 
which might have imposed upon a whole synod of old maids. It is true, said I, 
putting in my oar ; it was a face to play the devil with a sworn bachelor, I 
could scarcely have been proof against it myself. 

The personated Mendoza and Pacheco shouted with laughter at my manner 
of expressing myself ; the one for the false witness I bore against a culprit of 
my own creation ; the other laughed simply at the phrase in which my ana- 
thema was couched. We went on talking about the versatility of -women, and 
the verdict, after hearing the evidence, all on one side, was given against Isa- 
bella. A convicted coquette ! and sentence passed on her accordingly. Don 
Lewis made a fresh vow never to see her more, and Don Felix, after his 
example, swore to hold her in eternal abhorrence. By dint of these mutual 
protestations a sort of friendship was established on the spur of the occasion, 
and they promised on both sides to keep no secrets from each other. The time 
after supper passed in ingratiating intercourse, and the time seemed short till 
they retired to their separate apartments. I followed Aurora to hers, where I 
gave her a faithful account of my conversation with the Doctor's daughter, not 
forgetting the most trivial circumstance. She had much ado to help kissing 
me for joy. My dear Gil Bias, said she, I am delighted with your spirit. 
When one has the misfortune to be engaged in a passion not to be gratified but 
by stratagems, what an advantage is it to secure on the right side a lad of so 
enterprising a genius as yourself. Courage, my friend, we have thrown a rival 
into the background, whose presence in the scene might have marred our 
comedy. So far, all is well. But as lovers are subject to strange vagaries, it 



A URORA'S DE VICES. 141 

seems to me that we must make short work of it, and bring Aurora de Guzman 
on the stage to-morrow. The idea met with my entire approbation ; so leaving 
Signor Don Felix with his page, I withdrew to bed in an adjoining closet. 

Ch. VI. — Aurora 's devices to sectcre Don Lewis Pachecds affections. 

The two new friends met as soon as they came down in the morning. The 
ceremonies of the day began with reciprocal embraces, about which it. was 
impossible for Aurora to be squeamish, for then Don Felix must have dropped 
the mask altogether. They went out and walked about town arm in arm, 
attended by Chilindron, Don Lewis's footman, and myself. We loitered 
about the gates of the university, looking at some posting bills and advertise- 
ments of new publications. There were a good many people amusing them- 
selves, like us, with reading over the contents of these placards. Among the 
rest my eye was caught by a little fellow, who was giving his opinion very 
learnedly on the works exposed to sale. I observed him to be heard with 
profound attention, and could not help remarking how amply he deserved it in 
his own opinion. He was evidently a complete coxcomb, of an arrogant and 
dictatorial stamp, the common curse of your gentry under size. This new 
translation of Horace, said he, announced here to the public in letters of a yard 
long, is a prose work, executed by an old college author. The students have 
taken a great fancy to the book ; so as to carry off four editions. But not a 
copy has been bought by any man of taste ! His criticisms were scarcely more 
candid on any of the other books ; he mauled them every one without mercy. 
It was easy enough to see he was an author ! I should not have been sorry to 
have staid out his harangue, but Don Lewis and Don Felix were not to be left 
in the lurch. Now they took as little pleasure in this gentleman's remarks as 
they felt interest in the books which he was Scaligerising, so that they took a 
quiet leave of him and the university. 

We returned home at dinner-time. My mistress sat down at table with 
Pacheco, and dexterously turned the conversation on her private concerns. My 
father, said she, is a younger branch of the Mendoza family, settled at Toledo, 
and my mother is own sister to Donna Kimena de Guzman, who came to Sala- 
manca some days ago on an affair of business, with her niece Aurora, only 
daughter of Don Vincent de Guzman, whom possibly you might be acquainted 
with. No, answered Don Lewis, but I have often heard of him, as well as of 
your cousin Aurora. Is it true what they say of her ? Her wit and beauty are 
reported to be unrivalled. As for wit, replied Don Felix, she certainly is not 
wanting, for she has taken great pains to cultivate her mind. But her beauty 
is by.no means to be boasted of ; indeed, we are thought to be very much alike. 
If that is the case, exclaimed Pacheco, she cannot be behindhand with her reputa- 
tion. Your features are regular, your complexion almost too fine for a man ; 
your cousin must be an absolute enchantress. I should like to see and converse 
with her. That you shall, if I have any interest in the family, and this very day 
too, replied the little Proteus of a Mendoza. We will go and see my aunt after 
dinner. 

My mistress took the first opportunity of changing the topic, and conversing 
on indifferent subjects. In the afternoon, while the two friends were getting 
ready to go and call on Donna Kimena, I played the scout, and ran before to 
prepare the duenna for her -visitors. But there was no time to be lost on my 
return, for Don Felix was waiting for me to attend Don Lewis and him on their 
way to his aunt's. No sooner had they stepped over the threshold than they 
were encountered by the adroit old lady, making signs to them to walk as softly 
as possible. Hush ! hush ! said she, in a low voice, you will waken my niece. 



[42 GIL BLAS. 



Ever since yesterday she has had a dreadful headache, but is just now a little 
better ; and the poor girl has been taking a little sleep for the last quarter of an 
hour. I am sorry for this unlucky accident, said Mendoza, I was in hopes we 
should have seen my cousin. Besides, I meant to have introduced my friend 
Pacheco. There is no such great hurry on that account, answered Ortiz with a 
significant smile, and if that is all, you may defer it till to-morrow. The gen- 
tlemen did not trouble the old lady with a long visit, but took their leave as soon 
as they decently could. 

Don Lewis took us to see a young gentleman of his acquaintance, by name 
Don Gabriel de Pedros. There we stayed the remainder of the day, and took 
our suppers. About two o'clock in the morning we sallied forth on our return 
home. We had got about half-way, when we stumbled against something on 
the ground, and discovered two men stretched at their length in the street. We 
concluded they had fallen under the knife of the assassin, and stopped to assist 
them, if yet within reach of assistance. As we were looking about to inform 
ourselves of their condition, as nearly as the darkness of the night would allow, 
the patrole came up. The officer took us at first for the murderers, and ordered 
his people to surround us ; but he mended his opinion of us on the sound of 
our voices, and by favour of a dark lantern held up to the faces of Mendoza and 
Pacheco. His myrmidons, by his direction, examined the two men, whom our 
fancies had painted as in the agonies of death, but it turned out to be a fat 
licentiate with his servant, both of them overtaken in their cups, and not dead, 
but dead drunk. Gentlemen, exclaimed one of the posse, this jolly fellow is 
an acquaintance of mine. What ! do you not know Signor Guyomer the licen- 
tiate, head of our university ? With all his imperfections he is a great character, 
a man of superior genius. He is as staunch as a hound at a philosophical 
dispute, and his words flow like a gutter after a hail-storm. He has but three 
foibles in which he indulges ; intoxication, litigation, and fornication. He is 
now returning from supper at his Isabella's, whence, the more is the pity, the 
drunk was leading the drunk, and they both fell into the kennel. Before the 
good licentiate came to the headship this happened continually. Though man- 
ners make the man, honours, you perceive, do not always mend the manners. 
We left these drunkards in custody of the patrole, who carried them safe home, 
and betook ourselves to our lodging and our beds. 

Don Felix and Don Lewis were stirring about mid-day. Aurora de Guzman 
was the first topic of their conversation. Gil Bias, said my mistress to me, 
run to my aunt, Donna Kimena, and ask if there is any admission for Signor 
Pacheco and me to-day, we want to see my cousin. Off I went to acquit my- 
self of this commission, or rather to concert the plan of the campaign with the 
duenna. We had no sooner laid our heads together to the purpose intended, 
than I was once more at the elbow of the false Mendoza. Sir, quoth I, your 
cousin Aurora has got about wonderfully. She enjoined me from her own lips 
to acquaint you, that your visit could not be otherwise than highly acceptable, 
and Donna Kimena desired me to assure Signor Pacheco, that any friend of 
yours would always meet with an hospitable reception. 

These last words evidently tickled Don Lewis's fancy. My mistress saw that 
the bait was swallowed, and prepared herself to haul the prey to shore. Just 
before dinner, a servant made his appearance from Signora Kimena, and said 
to Don Felix — My lord, a man from Toledo has been inquiring after you, and 
has left this note at your aunt's house. The pretended Mendoza opened it, 
and read the contents aloud to the following effect — " If your father and family 
still live in your remembrance, and you wish to hear of their concerns, do not 
fail, on the receipt of this, to call at the Black Horse, near the university." I am 
too much interested, said he, in these proffered communications, not to satisfy 



DON LE WIS'S INTER VIE W WITH A URORA. 143 

my curiosity at once. Without ceremony, Pacheco, you must excuse me for 
the present ; if I am not back again here within two hours, you may find your 
way by yourself to my aunt's ; I will join the party in the evening. You 
recollect Gil Bias' message from Donna Kimena, the visit is no more than what 
will be expected from you. After having thrown out this hint, he left the room, 
and ordered me to follow him. 

It can scarcely be necessary to apprize the reader, that instead of marching 
down to the Black Horse, we filed off to our other quarters. The moment 
that we got within doors, Aurora tore off her artificial hair, washed the charcoal 
from her eyebrows, resumed her female attire, and shone in all her natural 
charms, a lovely dark-complexioned girl. So complete indeed had been her 
disguise that Aurora and Don Felix could never have been suspected of iden- 
tity. The lady seemed to have the advantage of the gentleman even in stature, 
thanks to a good high pair of heels, to which she was not a little indebted. It 
was her first business to heighten her personal graces with all the embellish- 
ments of art ; after which she looked out for Don Lewis, in a state of agitation, 
compounded of fear and of hope. One instant she felt confident in her wit 
and beauty ; the next she anticipated the failure of her attempt. Ortiz, on her 
part, set her best foot foremost, and was determined to play up to my mistress. 
As for me, Pacheco was not to see my knave's face till the last act of the farce, 
for which the great actors are always reserved, to unravel the intricacy of the 
plot ; so I went out immediately after dinner. 

In short, the puppet-show was all adjusted against Don Lewis's arrival. He 
experienced a very gracious reception from the old lady, in amends for whose 
tediousness he was blessed with two or three hours of Aurora's delightful con- 
versation. When they had been together long enough, in popped I, with a 
message to the enamoured spark. My lord, my master Don Felix begs you ten 
thousand pardons, but he cannot have the pleasure of waiting on you here this 
evening. He is with three men of Toledo, from whom he cannot possibly get 
away. Oh ! the wicked little rogue, exclaimed Donna Kimena ; as sure as a 
gun then he is going to make a night of it. No, madam, replied I, they are 
deeply engaged in very serious business. He is really distressed that he cannot 
pay his respects, and commissioned me to say everything proper to your 
ladyship and Donna Aurora. Oh ! I will have none of his excuses, pouted out 
my mistress, he knows very well that I have been indisposed, and might shew 
some slight degree of feeling for so near a relation. As a punishment, he shall 
not come near mc for this fortnight. Nay, madam, interposed Don Lewis, 
such a sentence is too severe. Don Felix's fate is but too pitiable, in having 
been deprived of your society this evening. 

They bandied about their fine speeches on these little topics of gallantry for 
some time, and then Pacheco withdrew. The lovely Aurora metamorphosed 
herself in a twinkling, and resumed her swashing outside. The grass did not 
grow under her feet while she was running to the other lodging. I have a mil- 
lion of apologies to make, my dear friend, said she to Don Lewis, for not giving 
you the meeting at my aunt's ; but there was no getting rid of the tiresome 
people I was with. However, there is one comfort, you have had so much 
the more leisure to look about you, and criticise my cousin's beauty. Well ! and 
how do you like her ? She is a most lovely creature, answered Pacheco. You 
were in the right to claim a resemblance to her. . I never saw more correspond- 
ent features ; the very same cast of countenance, the eyes exactly alike, the 
mouth evidently a family feature, and the tone of voice scarcely to be distinguish- 
ed. The likeness, however, goes no further, for Aurora is taller than you, she is 
brown and you are fair, you are a jolly fellow, she has a little touch of the de- 
mure ; so that you are not altogether the male and female Sosias. As for good 



■I 



144 OIL BIAS. 



sense, continued he, if an angel from heaven were to whisper wisdom in one 
ear, and your cousin her mortal chit-chat in the other, I am afraid the angel 
might whistle for an audience. In a word, Aurora is all-accomplished. 

Signor Pacheco uttered these last words with so earnest an expression, that 
Don Felix said with a smile — My friend, I advise you to stay away from Donna 
Kimena's, it will be more for your peace of mind. Aurora de Guzman may set 
your wits a wandering, and inspire a passion 

I have no need of seeing her again, interrupted he, to become distractedly 
enamoured of her. I am sorry for you, replied the pretended Mendoza, for you 
are not a man to be seriously caught, and my cousin is not to be made a fool of, 
take my word for it. She would never encourage a lover whose designs were 
otherwise than honourable. Otherwise than honourable ! retorted Don Lewis ; 
who could have the audacity to form such on a lady of her rank and character ? 
As for me, I should esteem myself the happiest of mankind, could she be pre- 
vailed on to favour my addresses, and link her fate with mine. 

Since those are your sentiments, rejoined Don Felix, you may command my 
services. Yes, I will go heart and hand with you in the business. All my in- 
terest in Aurora shall be yours ; and by to-morrow morning I will commence 
an attack on my aunt, whose good word has more influence than you may think. 
Pacheco returned his thanks with the best air possible to this young go-between, 
and we were all agog at the promising appearance of our stratagem. On the 
following day we found the means of heightening the dramatic effect by entan- 
gling the plot a little more. My mistress, after having waited on Donna Kimena, 
as if to speak a good word in favour of the suitor, came back with the result 
of the interview'. I have spoken to my aunt, said she, but it was as much as I 
■could do to make her hear your proposal with patience. She was primed and 
loaded against you. Some good-natured friend in the dark has painted you out 
for a reprobate ; but I took your part with some little quickness, and at length 
succeeded in vindicating your moral character from the attack it had sustained. 

This is not all, continued Aurora. You had better enter on the subject with 
my aunt in my presence, we shall be able to make something of her between us. 
Pacheco was all impatience to insinuate himself into the good graces of Donna 
Kimena ; nor was the opportunity deferred beyond the next morning. Our 
amphibious Mendoza escorted him into the presence of Dame Ortiz, where such 
a conversation passed between the trio as put fire and tow to the combustible 
heart of Don Lewis. Kimena, a veteran performer, took the cue of sympathy 
at every expression of tenderness, and promised the enamoured youth that it 
should not be her fault if his plea with her niece was urged in vain. Pacheco 
threw himself at the feet of so good an aunt, and thanked her for all her favours. 
In this stage of the business Don Felix asked if his cousin was up. No, replied 
the Duenna, she is still in bed, and is not likely to be down-stairs while you 
stay ; but call again after dinner, and you shall have a tete-a-tete with her to 
your heart's content. It is easy to imagine that so coming on a proposal from 
the dragon which was to guard this inaccessible treasure, produced its full com- 
plement of joy in the heart of Don Lewis. The remainder of the long morning 
had nothing to do but to be sworn at ! He went back to his own lodging with 
Mendoza, who was not a little enraptured to observe, with the scrutinizing eye of 
a mistress under the disguise of a friend, all the symptoms of an incurable 
amorous infirmity. 

Their tongues ran on no earthly subject but Aurora. When they had done 
dinner, Don Felix said to Pacheco — A thought has just struck me. It would 
not be amiss for me to go to my aunt's a few minutes before you ; I will get to 
speak to my cousin in private, and pry, if it be possible, into every fold and 
winding of her heart, as far as your interests are concerned. Don Lewis just 



AURORA IS MARRIED TO DON LEWIS PACE ECO. 145 

chimed in with this idea, so that he suffered his friend to set out first, and did 
not follow him till an hour afterwards. My mistress availed herself so diligent- 
ly of the interval, that she was tricked out as a lady from heel to point before 

the arrival of her lover. I beg pardon said the poor abused inamorato, 

after having paid his compliments to Aurora and the Duenna I took it 

for granted Don Felix would be here. You will see him in a few seconds, an- 
swered Donna Kimena, he is writing in my closet. Pacheco was easily put off 
with the excuse, and found his time pass cheerfully in conversation with the 
ladies. And yet, notwithstanding the presence of all his soul held dear, it 
seemed very strange that hour after hour glided away but no Mendoza stepped 
forth from the closet ! He could not help remarking, that the gentleman's corre- 
spondence must be unusally voluminous, when Auroi"a's features all at once as- 
sumed the broader contour of a laugh, with a delightfully provoking question to 
Don Lewis — Is it possible that love can be so blind as not to detect the glaring 
imposition by which it has been deluded ? Has my real self made so faint an 
impression on your senses, that a flaxen peruke and a pencilled eyebrow could 
carry the farce to such a height as this ? But the masquerade is over now. 
Pacheco, continued she, resuming an air of gravity ; you are to learn that Don 
Felix de Mendoza and Aurora de Guzman are but one and the same person. 

It was not enough to discover to him all the springs and contrivances by 
which he had been duped ; she confessed the motives of tender partiality that 
led her to the attempt, and detailed the progress of the plot to the winding up 
of the catastrophe. Don Lewis scarcely knew whether to be most astonished 
or delighted at the recital ; at my mistress's feet he thus uttered the transports 
of his fond applause — Ah ! lovely Aurora, can I believe myself indeed the happy 
mortal on whom your favours have been so lavished ? What can I do to make you 
amends for them ? My affection, were this life eternal, could scarcely pay the 
price. These pretty speeches were followed by a thousand others of the same 
quality and texture ; after which the lovers descended a little nearer to common 
sense, and began planning the rational and human means of arriving at the ac- 
complishment of their wishes. It was resolved that we should set out without 
loss of time for Madrid, where marriage was to drop the curtain on the last act 
of our comedy. This purpose was executed in the spirit of impatience which 
conceived it ; so that Don Lewis was united to my mistress in a fortnight, and 
the nuptial ceremonies were graced with the usual accompaniments of music, 
feasting, balls, and rejoicings, without either end or respite. 

Ch. VII. — Gil Bias leaves his place and goes into the service of Don Gonzales 

Pacheco. 

Three weeks after marriage, my mistress bethought herself of rewarding the 
services I had rendered her. She made me a present of a hundred pistoles, 
telling me at the same time — Gil Bias, my good fellow, it is not that I mean 
to turn you away, for you have my free leave to stay here as long as you 
please ; but my husband has an uncle, Don Gonzales Pacheco, who wants you 
very much for a valet-de-chambre. I have given you so excellent a character, 
that he would let me have no peace till I consented to part with you. He is a 
very worthy old nobleman, so that you will be quite in your element in his 
family. 

I thanked Aurora for all her kindness ; and,, as my occupation was over 
about her, I so much the more readily accepted the post that offered, as it was 
merely a transfer from one branch of the Pachecos to another. One morning, 
therefore, I called on the illustrious Don Gonzales with a message from the 
bride. He ought at least to have over-slept himself, for he was in bed at near noon. 



146 GIL BLAS. 



When I went into his chamber, a page had just brought him a basin of soup 
which he was taking. The dotard cherished his whiskers, or rather tortured 
them with curling-papers ; though his eyes were sunk in their sockets, his 
complexion pale, and his visage emaciated. This was one of those old codgers 
who have been a little whimsical or so in their youth, and have made poor 
amends for their freedoms by the discretion of their riper age. His reception 
of me was affable enough, with an assurance that if my attachment to him kept 
pace with my fidelity to his niece, my condition should not be worse than that 
of my fellows. I promised to place him in my late mistress's shoes, and be- 
came the working partner in a new firm. 

A new firm it undoubtedly was, and heaven knows we had a strange head of 
the house. The resurrection of Lazarus was an ordinary event compared to his 
getting up. Imagine to yourself a long bag of dry bones, a mere skeleton, a 
dissection, an anatomy of a man ; a study in osteology ! As for the legs, three 
or four pair of stockings one over the other, had no room to make any figure 
upon them. In addition to the foregoing, this mummy before death was asth- 
matic, and therefore obliged to divide the little breath he had between his 
cough and his loquacity. He breakfasted on chocolate. On the strength of 
that refreshment, he ventured to call for pen, ink, and paper, and to write a 
short note, which he sealed and sent to its address by the page who had ad- 
ministered the broth. But this henceforth will be your office, my good lad, 
said he, as he turned his haggard eyes upon me ; all my little concerns will be 
in your hands, and especially those in which Donna Euphrasia takes an interest. 
That lady is an enchanting young creature, with whom I am distractedly in 
love, and by whom, though I say it who should not say it, I am met with all 
the mutual ardour of inextinguishable and unutterable passion. 

Heaven defend us ! thought I within myself: good now ! if this old antidote 
to rapture can fancy himself an object on which the fair should waste their 
sweets, is it any wonder that among our young folks each fancies himself the 
Adonis, for whom every Venus pines ? Gil Bias, pursued he with a chuckle, 
this very day will I take you to this abode of pleasure ; it is my house of call 
almost every evening for a bit of supper. You will be quite petrified at her 
modest appearance, and the rigid propriety of her behaviour. Far from taking 
after those little wanton vagrants, who are hey-go-mad after striplings, and 
give themselves up to the fascinations of exterior appearance, she has a proper 
insight into things, staid, ripe, and judicious : what she wants is the bona fide 
spirit and discretion of a man ; a lover who has served an apprenticeship to his 
trade, in preference to all the flashy fellows of the modern school. This is but 
an epitome of the panegyric, which the noble dupe Don Gonzales pronounced 
upon his mistress. He burdened himself with the task of proving her a com- 
pendium of all human perfection ; but the lecture was little calculated for the 
conviction of the hearer. I had attended an experimental course among the 
actresses ; and had always found that the elderly candidates had been plucked 
in then amours. Yet, as a matter of courtesy, it was impossible not to put on 
the semblance of giving implicit credit to my master's veracity ; I even added 
chivalry to courtesy, and threw down my glove on Euphrasia's penetration and 
the correctness of her taste. My impudence went the length of asserting, that 
it was impossible for her to have selected a better-provided crony. The grown- 
up simpleton was not aware that I was fumigating his nostrils at the expense 
of" his addled brain ; on the contrary, he bristled at my praises ; so true is it, 
that a flatterer may play what game he likes against the pigeons of high life ! 
They let you look over their hand, and then wonder that you beat them. 

The old crawler, having scribbled through his billet-doux, restrained the 

then bathed his eyes 



AN ANTIQUA TED LOVER. 147 

in the nostrum of some perfumer to give them a brilliancy which their natural 
gum would have eclipsed. His ears were to be picked and washed, and his 
hands to be cleansed from the effects of his other ablutions ; and the labours 
of the toilette were to be closed, by pencilling every remaining hair in the dis- 
forested domain of his whiskers, pericranium, and eyebrows. No old dowager, 
with a purse to buy a second husband, ever took more pains to assure herself 
by the cultivation of her charms, that the person and not the fortune should be 
the object of attraction. The assassin stab of time was parried by the quart 
and tierce of art. Just as he had done making himself up, in came another 
old fogram of his acquaintance, by name the Count of Asumar. This genius 
made no secret of his grey locks ; leant upon a stick, and seemed to plume 
himself on his venerable age instead of wishing to appear in the hey-day of his 
prime. Signor Pacheco, said he as he came in, I am come to take pot-luck 
with you to-day. You are always welcome, count, rejoined my master. No 
sooner said than done ! they embraced with a thousand grimaces, took their 
seats opposite to one another, and began chatting till dinner was served. 

Their conversation turned at first upon a bull-feast which had taken place a 
few days before. They talked about the cavaliers, and who among them had 
displayed most dexterity and vigour ; whereupon the old count, like another 
Nestor, whom present events furnish with a topic of expatiating on the past, 
said with a deep-drawn sigh : Alas ! where will you meet with men now-a-days, 
fit to hold a candle to my contemporaries ? The public diversions are a mere 
bauble, to what they were when I was a young man. I could not help chuck- 
ling in my sleeve at my good lord of Asumar's whim ; for he did not stop at the 
handywork of human invention. Would you believe it ? At table, when the 
fruit was brought in, at the sight of some very fine peaches, this ungrateful 
consumer of the earth's produce exclaimed : In my time, the peaches were of a 
much larger size than they are now ; but nature sinks lower and lower from 
day to day. If that is the case, said Don Gonzales with a sneer, Adam's hot- 
house fruit must have been of a most unwieldy circumference. 

The Count of Asumar staid till quite evening with my master, who had no 
sooner got rid of him, than he sallied forth with me in his train. We went to 
Euphrasia's, who lived within a stone's throw of our house, and found her 
lodged in a style of the first elegance. She was tastefully dressed, and for the 
youthfulness of her air might have been taken to be in her teens, though thirty 
bonny summers at least had poured their harvests in her lap. She had often 
been reckoned pretty, and her wit was exquisite. Neither was she one of your 
brazenfaced jilts, with nothing but flimsy balderdash in their talk, and a liber- 
tine forwardness in their manners : here was modesty of carriage as well as pro- 
priety of discourse ; and she threw out her little sallies in the most exquisite 
manner, without seeming to aspire beyond natural good sense. Oh heaven ! 
said I, is it possible that a creature of so virtuous a stamp by nature should have 
abandoned herself to vicious courses for a livelihood ? I had taken it for 
granted, that all women of light character carried the mark of the beast upon 
their foreheads. It was a surprise therefore to see such apparent rectitude of 
conduct ; neither did it occur to me that these hacks for all customers could go 
at any pace, and assume the polish of well-bred society, to impose upon their 
cullies of the higher ranks. What if a lively petulance should be the order of 
the day ? they are lively and petulant. Should modesty take its turn in the 
round of fashion, nothing can exceed their outward show of prudent and deli- 
cate reserve. They play the comedy of love in many masks ; and are the prude, 
the coquette, or the virago, as they fall in with the quiz, the coxcomb, or the 
I bully. 

Don Gonzales was a gentleman and a man of taste ; he could not stomach 

L "_1 J 



1 48 GIL BLAS. 



those beauties who call a spade a spade. Such were not for his market ; the 
rites of Venus must be consummated in the temple of Vesta. Euphrasia had 
got up her part accordingly, and proved by her performance that there is no 
comedy like that of real life. I left my master, like another Numa with his 
Egeria, and went down into a hall, where whom should fortune throw in my 
way but an old abigail, whom I had formerly known as maid-of-all-work to an 
actress ? The recognition was mutual. So ! well met once more, Signor Gil 
Bias, said she. Then you have turned off Arsenia, just as I have parted with 
Constance. Yes, truly, answered I, it is a long while ago since I went away, 
and exchanged her service for that of a very different lady. Neither the 
theatre nor the people about it are to my taste. I gave myself my own dis- 
charge, without condescending to the slightest explanation with Arsenia. You 
were perfectly in the right, replied the new-found abigail, called Beatrice. 
That was pretty much my method of proceeding with Constance. One morn- 
ing early, I gave in my accounts with a very sulky air ; she took them from 
me in moody silence, and we parted in a sort of well-bred dudgeon. 

I am quite delighted, said I, that we have met again, where we need not be 
ashamed of our employers. Donna Euphrasia looks for all the world like a 
woman of fashion, and I am much deceived if she has not reputation too. You 
are too clear-sighted to be deceived, answered the old appendage to sin. She 
is of a good family ; and as for her temper, I can assure you it is unparalleled 
for evenness and sweetness. None of your termagant mistresses, never to be 
pleased, but always grumbling and scolding about everything, making the house 
ring with their clack, and fretting poor servants to a thread, whose places, in 
short, are a hell upon earth ! I have not in all this time heard her raise her 
voice on any occasion whatever. When things happen not to be done exactly 
in her way, she sets them to rights without any anger, nor does any of that bad 
language escape her lips, of which some high-spirited ladies are so liberal. My 
master, too, rejoined I, is very mild in his disposition ; the very milk of human 
kindness ; and in this respect we are, between ourselves, much better off than 
when we lived among the actresses. A thousand times better, replied Beatrice; 
my life used to be all bustle and distraction ; but this place is an actual hermit- 
age. Not a creature darkens our doors but this excellent Don Gonzales. You 
will be my only helpmate in my solitude, and my lot is but too greatly blessed. 
For this long time have I cherished an affection for you : and many a time and 
oft have I begrudged that Laura the felicity of engrossing you for her sweet- 
heart ; but in the end I hope to be even with her. If I cannot boast of youth 
and beauty like hers, to balance the account, I detest coquetry, and have all the 
constancy as well as affection of a turtle-dove. 

As honest Beatrice was one of those ladies who are obliged to hawk their 
wares, and cheapen themselves for want of cheapeners in the market, I was 
happily shielded from any temptation to break the commandments. Neverthe- 
less, it might not have been prudent to let her see in what contempt her charms 
were held : for which reason I forced my natural politeness so far, as to talk to 
her in a style not to cut off all hope of my more serious advances. I flattered 
myself then, that I had found favour in the eyes of an old dresser to the stage : 
but pride was destined to have a fall, even on so humble an occasion. The 
domestic trickster did not sharpen her allurements, from any longing for my 
pretty person ; her design in subduing me to the little soft god was to enlist me 
for the purposes of her mistress, to whom she had sworn so passive an obedi- 
ence, that she would have sold her eternal self to the old chapman, who first set 
up the trade of sin, rather than have disappointed her slightest wishes. My 
vain conceit was sufficiently evident on the very next morning, when I carried 
an Ovidian letter from my master to Euphrasia. The lady gave me an affable 



EUPHRASIA' S INSTRUC 1 IONS TO GIL BIAS. 149 

reception, and made a thousand pretty speeches, echoed from the practised 
lips of her chambermaid. The expression of my countenance was peculiarly 
interesting to the one : but that within which passeth shew was the flattering 
theme of the other. According to their account, the fortunate Don Gonzales 
had picked up a treasure. In short, my praises ran so high, that I began to 
think worse of myself than I had ever done in the whole course of my life. 
Their motive was sufficiently obvious ; but I was determined to play at diamond 
cut diamond. The simper of a simpleton is no bad countermine to the attack 
of a sharper. These ladies under favour were of the latter description, and they 
soon began to open their batteries. 

Hark you, Gil Bias, said Euphrasia, fortune declares in your favour if you do 
not balk her. Let us put our heads together, my good friend. Don Gonzales 
is old, and a good deal shaken in constitution ; so that a very little fever, in the 
hands of a very great doctor, would carry him to a better place. Let us take 
time by the forelock, and ply our arts so busily as to secure to me the largest 
slice of his effects. If I prosper, you shall not starve, I promise you ; and my 
bare word is a better security than all the deeds and conveyances of all the 
lawyers in Madrid. Madam, answered I, you have but to command me. Give 
me my commission on your muster-roll, and you shall have no reason to complain 
either of my cowardice or contumacy. So be it, then, replied she. You must 
watch your master, and bring me an account of all his comings and goings. 
When you are chatting together in his more familiar moments, never fail to lead 
the conversation on the subject of our sex ; and then by an artful, but seemingly 
natural transition, take occasion to say all the good you can invent of me. Ring 
Euphrasia in his ears till all the house re-echoes. I would counsel you besides 
to keep a wary eye on all that passes in the Pacheco family. If you catch any 
relation of Don Gonzales sneaking about him, with a design on the inheritance, 
bring me word instantly : that is all you have to do, and trust me for sinking, 
burning, and destroying him in less than no time. I have ferreted out the 
weak side of all your master's relations long ago ; they are each of them to be 
made ridiculous in some shape or other; so that the nephews and cousins, after 
sitting to me for their portraits, are already turned with their faces to the wall. 

It was evident by these instructions, with many more to the same time and 
tune, that Euphrasia was one of those ladies whose partialities all lean to the 
side of elderly inamoratos, with more money than wit. Not long before, Don 
Gonzales, who could refuse nothing to the tender passion, had sold an estate ; 
and she pocketed the cash. Not a day passed, but she got some little personal 
remembrance out of him ; and besides all this, a corner of his will was the ulti- 
mate object of her speculation. I affected to engage hand over head in their 
infamous plot ; and if I must confess all without mental reservation, it was almost 
a moot point, on my return home, on which side of the cause I should take a 
brief. There was on either a profitable alternative ; whether to join in fleecing 
my master, or to merit his gratitude by rescuing him from the plunderers. Con- 
science, however, seemed to have some little concern in the determination ; it 
was quite ridiculous to choose the by-path of villany when there was a better 
toll to be taken on the highway of honesty. Besides, Euphrasia had dealt too 
much in generals ; an arithmetical definition of so much for so much has more 
meaning in it than "all the wealth of the Indies ;" and to this shrewd reflection, 
perhaps, was owing my uncorrupted probity. Thus did I resolve to signalize 
my zeal in the service of Don Gonzales, in the persuasion that if I was lucky 
enough to disgust the worshipper by befouling his idol, it would turn to very 
good account. On a statement of debtor and creditor between the right and 
the wrong side of the action, the money balance was visibly in favour of virtue, 
not to mention the delights of a fair and irreproachable character. 



150 GIL BLAS. 



If vice so often assumes the semblance of its contrary, why should not hypo- 
crisy now and then change sides for variety? I held myself up to Euphrasia 
for a thorough swindler. She was dupe enough to believe that I was incess- 
antly talking of her to my master ; and thereupon I wove a tissue of frippery 
and falsehood, which imposed on her for sterling truth. She had so completely 
given herself up to my insinuations, as to believe me her convert, her disciple, 
her confederate. The better still to carry on this fraud upon fraud, I affected to 
languish for Beatrice ; and she, in ecstacy at her age to see a young fellow at 
her skirts, did not much trouble herself about my sincerity, if I did but play my 
part with vigour and address. When we were in the presence of our princesses, 
my master in the parlour and myself in the kitchen, the effect was that of two 
different pictures, but of the same school. Don Gonzales, dry as touchwood, 
with all its inflammability, and nothing but its smother, seemed a fitter sub- 
ject for extreme unction than for amorous parley ; while my little pet, in 
proportion to the violence of my flame, niggled, nudged, toyed, and romped, 
like a school-girl in vacation ; and no wonder she knew her lesson so pat, for 
the old coquette had been upwards of forty years in the form. She had finished 
her studies under certain professors of gallantry, whose art of pleasing becomes 
the more critical by practice ; till they die under the accumulated experience of 
two or three generations. 

It was not enough for me to go every evening with my master to Euphrasia's : 
it was sometimes my lounge even in day-time. But let me pop my head in at 
what hour- 1 would, that forbidden creature man was never there, nor even a 
woman of any description, that might not be just as easily expressed as under- 
stood. There was not the least loop-hole for a paramour ! a circumstance not 
a little perplexing to one who could not readily believe, that so pretty a bale of 
goods could submit to a strict monopoly, by such a dealer as Don Gonzales. 
This opinion undoubtedly was formed on a near acquaintance with female nature, 
as will be apparent in the sequel ; for the fair Euphrasia, while waiting for my 
master's translation, fortified herself with patience in the arms of a lover, with 
some little fellow-feeling for the frailties of her age. 

One morning I was carrying, according to custom, a note to this peerless 
pattern of perfection. There certainly were, or I was not standing in the room, 
the feet of a man ensconced behind the tapestiy. Out slunk I, just as if I had 
no eyes in my head ; yet, though such a discovery was nothing but what might 
have been expected, neither was the piper to be paid out of my pocket, my 
feelings were a good deal staggered at the breach of faith. Ah ! traitress, 
exclaimed I with virtuous indignation, abandoned Euphrasia ! Not satisfied to 
humbug a silly old gentleman with a tale of love, you share his property in your 
person with another, and add profligacy to dissimulation ! But to be sure, on 
after-thoughts, I was but a greenhorn, when I took on so for such a trivial occur- 
rence ! It was rather a subject for mirth than for moral reflection, and perfectly 
justified by the way of the world ; the languid, embargoed commerce of my 
master's amorous moments had need be fillipped by a trade in some more mer- 
chantable wares. At all events it would have been better to have held my 
tongue, than to have laid hold on such an opportunity of playing the faithful 
servant. But instead of tempering my zeal with discretion, nothing would 
serve the turn but taking up the wrongs of Don Gonzales in the spirit of 
chivalry. On this high principle, I made a circumstantial report of what I had 
seen, with the addition of the attempt made by Euphrasia to seduce me from 
my good faith. I gave it in her own words without the least reserve, and put 
him in the way of knowing all that was to be known of his mistress. He was 
struck all in a heap by my intelligence, and a faint flash of indignation on his 
faded cheek seemed to give security, that the lady's infidelity would not go 



EUPHRASIA PROCURES GIL BIAS'S DISMISSAL 151 

unpunished. Enough, Gil Bias, said he, I am infinitely obliged by your 
attachment to my service, and your probity is very acceptable to me. I will 
go to Euphrasia this very moment. I will overwhelm her with reproaches, 
and break at once with the ungrateful creature. With these words, he actually 
bent his way to the subject of his anger; and dispensed with my attendance, 
from the kind motive of sparing me the awkwardness which my presence during 
their explanation would have occasioned to my feelings. 

I longed for my master's return with all the impatience of an interested per- 
son. There could not be a doubt but that with his strong grounds of complaint, 
he would return completely disentangled from the snares of his nymph. In this 
thought I extolled and magnified myself for my good deed. What could be 
more flattering than the thanks of the kindred who were naturally to inherit 
after Don Gonzales, when they should be informed that their relative was no 
longer the puppet of a figure-dance so hostile to their interests ? It was riot to 
be supposed but that such a friend would be remembered, and that my merits 
would at last be distinguished from those of other serving-men, who are usually 
more disposed to encourage their masters in licentiousness, than to draw them 
off to habits of decency. I was always of an aspiring temper, and thought to 
have passed for the Joseph or the Scipio of the servants' hall ; but so fascinating 
an idea was only to be indulged for an hour or two. The founder of my 
fortunes came home. My friend, said he, I have had a very sharp brush with 
Euphrasia. She insists on it that you have trumped up a cock-and-bull story. 
If their word is to be taken, you are no better than an impostor, a hireling in 
the pay of my nephews, for whose sake you have set all your wits at work to 
bring about a quarrel between her and me. I have seen the real tears, made of 
water, run down in floods from her poor dear eyes. She has vowed to me as 
solemnly as if I had been her confessor, that she never made any overtures to 
you in her life, and that she does not know what man is. Beatrice, who seems 
a simple, innocent sort of girl, is exactly in the same story, so that I could not 
but believe them and be pacified, whether I would or no. 

How then, sir ? interrupted I, in accents of undissembled sorrow, do you 

question my sincerity ? Do you distrust No, my good lad, interrupted 

he again in his turn, I will do you ample justice. I do not suspect you of 
being in league with my nephews. I am satisfied that all you have done has 
been for my good, and own myself much obliged to you for it ; but appear- 
ances are apt to mislead, so that perhaps you did not see in reality what you 
took it into your head that you saw ; and in that case, only consider yourself 
how offensive your charge must be to Euphrasia. Yet let that be as it will, she 
is a creature whom I cannot help loving in spite of my senses ; so that the 
sacrifice she demands must be made, and that sacrifice is no less than your 
dismission. I lament it very much, my poor dear Gil Bias, and if that will be 
any satisfaction to you, my consent was wrung from me most unwillingly ; but 
there was no saying nay. With one thing, however, you may comfort yourself, 
you shall not be sent away with empty pockets. Nay, more, I mean to turn you 
over to a lady of my acquaintance, where you will live to your liking. 

I was not a little mortified to find all my noble acts and motives end in my 
own confusion. I gave a left-handed blessing to Euphrasia, and wept over the 
weakness of Don Gonzales, to be so foolishly infatuated by her. The kind- 
hearted old gentleman felt within himself that in turning me adrift at the per- 
emptory demand of his mistress, he was not performing the most manly action 
of his life. For this reason, as a set-off against his hen-pecked cowardice, and 
that I might the more easily swallow this bitter dose, he gave me fifty ducats, 
and took me with him next morning to the Marchioness of Chaves, telling that 
lady before my face, that I was a young man of unexceptionably good cha- 



:52 GIL BIAS. 



racter, and very high in his good graces, but that as certain family reasons 
prevented him from continuing me on his own establishment, he should esteem 
it as a favour if she would take me on hers. After such an introduction, I was 
retained at once as her appendage, and found myself, I scarcely knew how, 
established in another household. 

Ch. VIII. — The Marchioness of Chaves : her character, and that of her 
company. 

The Marchioness of Chaves was a widow of five-and-thirty, tall, handsome, 
and well-proportioned. She enjoyed an income of ten thousand ducats, with- 
out the incumbrance of a nursery. I never met with a lady of fewer words, 
nor one of a more solemn aspect. Yet this exterior did not prevent her from 
being set up as the cleverest woman in all Madrid. Her great assemblies, 
attended by people of the first quality, and by men of letters who made a coffee- 
house of her apartments, contributed pei-haps more than anything she said to 
give her the reputation she had acquired. But this is a point on which it is 
not my province to decide. I have only to relate, as her historian, that her 
name carried with it the idea of superior genius, and that her house was called, 
to distinguish it from the ordinary societies in town, The Fashionable Institu- 
tion for Literature, Taste, and Science. 

In point of fact, not a day passed, but there were readings there, sometimes of 
dramatic pieces, and sometimes in other branches of poetry. But the subjects 
were always selected from the graver muses ; wit and humour were held in the 
most sovereign contempt. Comedy, however spirited ; a novel, however 
pointed in its satire or ingenious in its fable, such light productions as these 
were treated as weak efforts of the brain without the slightest claim to patronage ; 
whereas on the contrary the most microscopical work in the serious style, 
whether ode, pastoral, or sonnet, was trumpeted to the skies as the most illus- 
trious effort of a learned and poetical age. It not unfrequently fell out, that 
the public reversed the decrees of this chancery for genius : nay, they had 
sometimes the gross ill -breeding to hiss the very pieces which had been sanctioned 
by this court of criticism. 

I was chief manager of the establishment, and my office consisted in getting 
the drawing-room ready to receive the company, in setting the chairs in order 
for the gentlemen, and the sofas for the ladies : after which I took my station 
on the landing-place to bawl out the names of the visitors as they came up- 
stairs, and usher them into the circle. The first day, an old piece of family 
furniture, who was stationed by my side m the ante-chamber, gave me their 
description with some humour, after I had shown them into the room. His 
name was Andrew Molina. He had a good deal of mother's wit, with a flowing 
vein of satire, much gravity of sarcasm, and a happy knack at hitting off 
characters. The first comer was a bishop. I roared out his lordship's name, 
and as soon as he was gone in, my nomenclator told me — That prelate is a 
very curious gentleman. He has some little influence at court ; but wants to 
persuade the world that he has a great deal. He presses his service on every 
soul he comes near, and then leaves them completely in the lurch. One day he 
met with a gentleman in the presence-chamber who bowed to him. He laid 
hold of him, and squeezing his hand, assured him, with an inundation of 
civilities, that he was altogether devoted to his lordship. For goodness' sake, 
do not spare me ; I shall not die in my bed without having first found an 
opportunity of making you my debtor. The gentleman returned his thanks 
with all becoming expressions of gratitude, and when they were at some dis- 
tance from one another, the obsequious churchman said to one of his attendants 



CHARACTER OF THE LICENTIATE CAMPANARIO. 153 

in waiting — I ought to know that man ; I have some floating, indistinct idea, of 
having seen him somewhere. 

Next after the bishop, came the son of a grandee. When I had introduced 
him into my lady's room — This nobleman, said Molina, is also an original in 
his way. You are to take notice that he often pays a visit, for the express pur- 
pose of talking over some urgent business with the friend on whom he calls, and 
goes away again without once thinking on the topic he came solely to discuss. 
But, added my showman on the sight of two ladies, here are Donna Angela de 
Penafiel and Donna Margaretta de Montalvan. This pair have not a feature 
of resemblance to each other. Donna Margaretta prides herself on her philo- 
sophical acquirements ; she will hold her head as high as the most learned 
head among the doctors of Salamanca, nor will the wisdom of her conceit 
ever give up the point to the best reasons they can render. As for Donna 
Angela, she does not affect the learned lady, though she has taken no unsuccess- 
ful pains in the improvement of her mind. Her manner of talking is rational 
and proper, her ideas are novel and ingenious, expressed in polite, significant, 
and natural terms. This latter portrait is delightful, said I to Molina ; but the 
other, in my opinion, is scarcely to be tolerated in the softer sex. Not over 
bearable indeed ! replied he with a sneer : even in men it does but expose 
them to the lash of satire. The good marchioness herself, our honoured lady, 
continued he, she too has a sort of a philosophical looseness. There will be 
fine chopping of logic there to-day ! God grant the mysteries of religion may 
not be invaded by these disputants. 

As he was finishing this last sentence, in came a withered bit of mortality, 
with a grave and crabbed look. My companion shewed him no mercy. This 
fellow, said he, is one of those pompous, unbending spirits who think to pass 
for men of profound genius, under favour of a few common-places extracted 
out of Seneca ; yet they are but shallow coxcombs when one comes to examine 
them narrowly. Then followed in the train a spruce figure, with tolerable 
person and address, to say nothing of a troubled air and manner, which always 
supposes a plentiful stock of self-sufficiency. I inquired who this was. A 
dramatic poet ! said Molina. He has manufactured an hundred thousand 
verses in his time, which never brought him in the value of a groat ; but as a 
set-off against his metrical failure, he has feathered his nest very warmly by six 
lines of humble prose : you will wonder by what magic touch a fortune could 
be made 

And so I did ; but a confounded noise upon the staircase put verse and prose 
completely out of my head. Good again ! exclaimed my informer : here is the 
licentiate Campanario. He is his own harbinger before ever he makes his appear- 
ance. He sets out from the very street door in a continued volley of conversa- 
tion, and you hear how the alarm is kept up till he makes his retreat. In good 
sooth, the vaulted roof re-echoed with the organ of the thundering licentiate, 
who at length exhibited the case in which the pipes were contained. He 
brought a bachelor of his acquaintance by way of accompaniment, and there 
was not a sotto voce passage during the whole visit. Signor Campanario, said 
I to Molina, is to all appearance a man of veiy fine conversation. Yes, replied 
my sage instructor, the gentleman has his lucky hits, and a sort of quaintness 
that might pass for humour ; he does very well in a mixed company. But the 
worst of it is, that incessant talking is one of his most pardonable errors. He 
is a little too apt to borrow from himself; and as those who are behind the 
scenes are not to be dazzled by the tinsel of the property-man, so we know how 
to separate a certain volubility and buffoonery of manner from sterling wit and 
sense. The greater part of his good things would be thought very bad ones, if 
submitted, without their concomitant grimaces, to the ordeal of a jest book. 



154 GIL BIAS. 



Other groups passed before us, and Molina touched them with his wand. 
The marchioness too came in for a magic rap over the knuckles. Our lady 
patroness, said he, is better than might be expected for a female philosopher. 
She is not dainty in her likings ; and bating a whim or too, it is no hard matter 
to give her satisfaction. Wits and women of quality seldom approach so near 
the atmosphere of good sense ; and for passion, she scarcely knows what it is. 
Play and gallantry are equally in her black books : dear conversation is her first 
and sole delight. To lead such a life would be little better than penance to the 
common run of ladies. Molina's character of my mistress established her at 
once in my good graces. And yet, in the course of a few days, I could not help 
suspecting that, though not dainty in her likings, she knew what passion 
was, and that a foul copy of gallantry delighted her more than the fairest 
conversation. 

One morning, during the mysteries of the toilette, there presented himself to 
my notice a little fellow of forty, forbidding in his aspect, more filthy if possible 
than Pedro de Moya the bookworm, and verging in no marketable measure 
towards deformity. He told me he wanted to speak with my lady marchioness. 
On whose business ? quoth I. On my own, quoth he, somewhat snappishly. 

Tell her I am the gentleman ; she will understand you ; about 

whom she was talking yesterday with Donna Anna de Velasco. I went before 
him into my lady's apartment, and gave in his name. The marchioness all at 
once shrieked out her satisfaction, and ordered me to show him in. It was not 
courtesy enough to point to a chair, and bid him sit down : but the attendants, 
forsooth, her own maids about her person were to withdraw, so that the little 
hunchback, with better luck than falls to the lot of many a taller man, had the 
field entirely to himself, as lord paramount. As for the girls and myself, we 
could not help tittering a little at this uncouthly concerted duet, which lasted 
nearly an hour : when my patroness dismissed his little lordship, with such a 
profusion of farewells and God-be-with-you's, as sufficiently evinced her thank- 
fulness for the entertainment she had received. 

The conversation had, in fact, been so edifying, that in the afternoon she 
seized a private opportunity of whispering in my ear — Gil Bias, when the short 
gentleman comes again, you may shew him up the back stairs ; there is no need 
of parading him along a line of staring servants. I did as I was ordered. When 
this epitome of humanity knocked at the door, and that hour was no further off 
than the next morning, we threaded all the bye passages to the place of assign- 
ation. I played the same modest part two or three times in the veiy inno- 
cence of my soul, without the most distant guess that the material system could 
form any part of their philosophy. But that hound-like snuff at an ill construc- 
tion, with which the devil has armed the noses of the most charitable, put me 
on the scent of a very whimsical game, and I concluded either that the mar- 
chioness had an odd taste, or that crookback courted her as proxy to a better 
man. 

Faith and troth, thought I, with all the impertinence of a hasty opinion, if 
my mistress really likes a handsome fellow behind the curtain, all is well ; I 
forgive her her sins : but if she is stark mad for such a monkey as this, to 
say the truth, there will be little mercy for her on male or female tongues. But 
how foully did I defame my honoured patroness ! The genius of magic had 
perched herself upon the little conjurer's protuberant shoulder ; and his skill 
having been puffed off to the marchioness, who was just the right food for such 
jugglers and their tricks, she held private conferences with him. Under his 
tuition she was to command wealth and treasure, to build castles in the air, to 
remove from place to place in an instant, to reveal future events, to tell what is 
done in far countries, to call the dead out of their graves, and terrify the world 



GIL BLAS FIGHTS A DUEL. 155 

with many miracles. Seriously, and to give him his deserts, the scoundrel 
lived on the folly of the public; and it has been confidently asserted, that 
ladies of fashion have not in all ages and countries been exempt from the 
credulity of their inferiors. 

Ch. IX. — An incident that parted Gil Bias and the Marchioness of Chaves. 
The subsequent destination of the former. 

For six months I lived with the Marchioness of Chaves, and, as it must be ad- 
mitted, on the fat of the land. But fate, who thrusts footmen as well as heroes 
into the world, with herself tied about their necks, gave me a jog to be gone, 
and swore that I should stay no longer in that family or in Madrid. The ad- 
venture by which this decree was announced shall be the subject of the ensuing 
narrative. 

In my mistress's female squad there was a nymph named Portia. To say 
nothing of her youth and beauty, it was her meek demeanour and good repute 
that captivated me, who had yet to learn that none but the brave deserves the 
fair. The marchioness's secretary, as proud as a prime minister, and as jealous 
as the Grand Turk, was caught in the same trap as myself. No sooner did he 
cast an unlucky squint at my advances, than, without waiting to see how Portia 
might chance to fancy them, he determined pell-mell to have a tilt with me. 
To forward this ghostly enterprise, he gave me an appointment one morning in 
a place sadly impervious to all seasonable interruption. Yet as he was a little 
go-by-the-ground, scarcely up to my shoulders, and apparently of feeble frame, 
he did not look like a very dangerous antagonist ; so away I went with some 
little courage to the appointed spot. Thinking to come off with flying colours, I 
anticipated the effect of my bravery on the heart of Portia ; but as it turned out, 
I was gathering my laurels before they had budded. The little secretary, who 
had been practising for two or three years at the fencing-school, disarmed me 
like a very baby, and holding the point of his sword up to my throat, Prepare 
thyself, said he, to balance thine accounts with this world, and open a correspond- 
ence with the next, or give me thy rascally word to leave the Marchioness of 
Chaves this very day, and never more to think of my Portia. I gave him my 
rascally word, and was honest enough not to think of breaking it. There was 
an awkwardness in shewing my face before the servants of the family, after 
having been worsted ; and especially before the high and mighty princess who 
had been the theme of our tournament. I only returned home to get together 
my baggage and wages, and on that very day set off towards Toledo, with a 
purse pretty well lined, and a knapsack at my back with my wardrobe and 
moveables. Though my rascally word was not given to abandon the purlieus 
of Madrid, I considered it as a matter of delicacy to disappear, at least for a 
few seasons. My resolution was to make the tour of Spain, and to halt first at 
one town and then at another. My ready money, thought I, will carry me a 
good way ; I shall not call about me very prodigally. When my stock is ex- 
hausted, I can but go into service again. A lad of my versatility will find places 
in plenty, whenever it may be convenient to look out for them. 

It was particularly my wish to see Toledo : and I got thither after three days' 
journey. My quarters were at a respectable house of entertainment, where I 
was taken for a gentleman of some figure, under favour of my best clothes, 
in which I did not fail to bedizen myself. With the pick-tooth carelessness of 
a lounger, the affectation of a puppy, and the pertness of a wit, it remained with 
me to dictate the terms of an arrangement with some very pretty women who 
infested that neighbourhood ; but, as a hint had been given me that the pocket 
was the high road to their good graces, my amorous enthusiasm was a little 



1 56 GIL BLAS. 



'1 



flattered, and, as it was no part of my plan to domesticate myself in any one 
place, after having seen all the lions at Toledo, I started one morning with the 
dawn, and took the road to Cuenca, intending to go to Arragon. On the se- 
cond day I went into an inn which stood open to receive me by the road side. 
Just as I was beginning to recruit the carnal department of my nature, in came 
a party belonging to the Holy Brotherhood. These gentlemen called for wine, 
and set in for a drinking bout. Over their cups they were conning the descrip- 
tion of a young man, whom they had orders to arrest. The spark, said one of 
them, is not above three-and-twenty : he has long black hair, is well grown, with 
an aquiline nose, and rides a bay horse. 

I heard their talk without seeming to be a listener ; and, in fact, did not 
trouble my head much about it. They remained in their quarters, and I pursued 
my journey. Scarcely had I gone a quarter of a mile, before I met a young 
gentleman on horseback, as personable as need be, and mounted as described 
by the officers. Faith and truth, thought I within myself, this is the very 
identical man. Black hair and an aquiline nose ! One cannot help doing a 
good office when it comes in one's way. Sir, said I, give me leave to ask you 
whether you have not some disagreeable business on your hands ? The young 
man, without returning any answer, looked at me from head to foot, and seemed 
startled at my question. I assured him it was not wanton curiosity that induced 
me to address him. He was satisfied of that when I related all I had heard at 
the inn. My unknown benefactor, said he, I will not deny to you that I have 
reason to believe myself actually the person of whom the officers are in quest : 
therefore I shall take another road to avoid them. In my opinion, answered I, 
it would be better to look out for a spot where you may be in safety, and under 
shelter from a storm which is brewing, and will soon pour down upon our heads. 
Without loss of time we discovered and made for a row of trees, forming a 
natural avenue, which led us to the foot of a mountain, where we found an 
hermitage. 

There was a large and deep grotto which time had worn away into the heart 
of the rock ; and the hand of man had added a rude front built of pebbles and 
shell-work, covered all over with turf. The adjacent grounds were strewed with 
a thousand sorts of flowers, which scattered their perfume; and one was pleased 
to see hard by the grotto, a small fissure in the mountain, whence a spring rip- 
pled with a tinkling noise, and poured its pellucid stream along the meadow. 
At the entrance of this solitary abode stood a venerable hermit, seemingly 
weighed down with years. He supported himself with one hand upon a staff, 
and held a rosary of large beads with the other, composed of at least twenty 
rows. His head was almost lost in a brown woollen cap with long ears ; and 
his beard, whiter than snow, swept down in aged majesty to his waist. We ad- 
vanced towards him. Father, said I, is it your pleasure to allow us shelter from 
the threatening storm ? Come in, my sons, replied the hermit, after examining 
me attentively ; this hermitage is at your service, to occupy it during pleasure. 
As for your horse, added he, pointing to the court-yard of his mansion, he will 
be very well off there. My companion disposed of the animal accordingly, and 
we followed the old man into the grotto. 

No sooner had we got in than a heavy rain fell, with a terrific storm of thun- 
der and lightning. The hermit threw himself upon his knees before a consecrated 
image, fastened to the wall, and we followed the example of our host. Our 
devotions ceased with the subsiding of the storm ; but as the rain continued, 
though with diminished violence, and night was not far distant, the old man 
said to us — My sons, you had better not pursue your journey in such weather, 
unless your affairs are pressing. We answered with one consent, that we had 
nothing to hinder us from staying there, but the fear of incommoding him ; but 



HIS TOR Y OF DON ALPHONSO AND. SERAPHINA. 1 5 7 

that if there was room for us in the hermitage, we would thank him for a night's 
lodging. You may have it without inconvenience, answered the hermit, at least 
the inconvenience will be all your own. Your accommodation will be rough, 
and your meal such as a recluse has to offer. 

With this cordial welcome to a homely board, the holy personage seated us 
at a little table, and set before us a few vegetables, a crust of bread, and a 
pitcher of water. My sons, resumed he, you behold my ordinary fare, but to- 
day I will make a feast in hospitality towards you. So saying, he fetched a 
little cheese and some nuts, which he threw down upon the table. The young 
man, whose appetite was not keen, felt but little tempted by his entertainment. 
I perceive, said the hermit to him, that you are accustomed to better tables 
than mine, or rather that sensuality has vitiated your natural relish. I 
have been in the world like you. The utmost ingenuity of the culinary art, 
whether to stimulate or soothe the palate, was exerted by turns for my gratifica- 
tion. But since I have lived in solitude, my taste has recovered its simplicity. 
Now, vegetables, fruit, and milk, are my greatest dainties ; in a word, I keep 
an antediluvian table. 

While he was haranguing after this fashion, the young man fell into a deep 
musing. The hermit was aware of his inattention. My son, said he, some- 
thing weighs upon your spirits. May we not be informed what disturbs you ? 
Open your heart to me. Curiosity is not my motive for questioning you, but 
charity, and a desire to be of service. I am at a time of life to give advice, and 
you perhaps are under circumstances to stand in need of it. Yes, father, replied 
the gentleman with a sigh, I doubtless do stand in need of it, and will follow 
yours, since you are so good as to offer it ; I cannot suppose there is any risk 
in unbosoming myself to a man like you. No, my son, said the old man, you 
have nothing to fear, it is under more stately roofs that confidences are betrayed. 
On this assurance the cavalier began his story. 

Ch. X. — The history of Don Alphonso and the fair Seraphina. 

I WILL attempt no disguise from you, my venerable friend, nor from this 
gentleman who completes my audience. After the generosity of his conduct to- 
wards me, I should be in the wrong to distrust him. You shall know my mis- 
fortunes from their beginning. I am a native of Madrid, and came into the 
world mysteriously. An officer of the German guard, Baron Steinbach by 
name, returning home one evening, espied a bundle of fair linen at the foot of 
his staircase. He took it up and carried it to his wife's apartment, where it 
turned out to be a new-born infant, wrapped up in very handsome swaddling- 
clothes, with a note containing an assurance that it belonged to persons of con- 
dition, who would come forward and own it at some future period ; and the 
furthe; information that it had been baptized by the name of Alphonso. I was 
that unfortunate stranger in the world, and this is all that I know about myself. 
Whether honour or profligacy was the motive of the exposure, the helpless child 
was equally the victim ; whether my unhappy mother wanted to get rid of me, 
to conceal an habitual course of scandalous amours, or whether she had made a 
single deviation from the path of virtue with a faithless lover, and had been ob- 
liged to protect her fame at the expense of nature and the maternal feelings. 

However this might be, the Baron and his wife were touched by my destitute 
condition, and resolved, as they had no children of their own, to bring me up 
under the name of Don Alphonso. As I grew in years and stature their attach- 
ment to me strengthened. My manners, genteel before strangers and affection- 
ate towards them, were the theme of their fondest panegyric. In short, they 
loved me as if I had been their own. Masters of every description were pro- 



158 GIL BLAS. 



videcl for me. My education became their leading object ; and far from waiting 
impatiently till my parents should come forward, they seemed, on the contrary, 
to wish that my birth might always remain a mystery. As soon as the Baron 
thought me old enough to bear arms, he sent me into the service. With my 
ensign's commission, a genteel and suitable equipment was provided for me ; 
and, the more effectually to animate me in the career of glory, my patron 
pointed out that the path of honour was open to every adventurer, and that the 
renown of a warrior would be so much the more creditable to me, as I should 
owe it to none but myself. At the same time he laid open to me the circum- 
stances of my birth, which he had hitherto concealed. As I had passed for 
his son in Madrid, and had actually thought myself so, it must be owned that 
this communication gave me some uneasiness. I could not then, nor can I even 
now, think of it without a sense of shame. In proportion as the innate feelings 
of a gentleman bear testimony to the birth of one, am I mortified at being re- 
jected and renounced by the unnatural authors of my being. 

I went to serve in the Low Countries, but peace was concluded in a short 
time ; and Spain finding herself without assailants, though not without assas- 
sins, I returned to Madrid, where I received fresh marks of affection from the 
Baron and his wife. Rather more than two months after my return, a little 
page came into my room one morning, and presented me with a note couched 
nearly in the following terms : — " I am neither ugly nor crooked, and yet you 
often see me at my window without the tribute of a glance. This conduct is 
little in unison with the spirit of your physiognomy, and so far stings me to re- 
venge that I will make you love me if possible." 

On the perusal of this epistle, there could be no doubt but it came from a 
widow, by name Leonora, who lived opposite our house, and had the character 
of a very great coquette. Hereupon I examined my little messenger, who had 
a mind to be on the reserve at first, but a ducat in hand opened the floodgates 
of his intelligence. He even took charge of an answer to his mistress, confess- 
ing my guilt, and intimating that its punishment was far advanced. 

I was not insensible to a conquest even of this kind. For the rest of the day 
home and my window-seat were the grand attraction ; and the lady seemed to 
have fallen in love with her window-seat too. I made signals. She returned 
them ; and on the very next day sent me word by her little Mercury, that if I 
would be in the street on the following night between eleven and twelve, I 
might converse with her at a window on the ground-floor. Though I did not 
feel myself very much captivated by so coming on a kind of widow, it was im- 
possible not to send such an answer as if I was ; and a sort of amorous curiosity 
made me as impatient as if I had really been in love. In the dusk of the even- 
ing, I went sauntering up and down the Prado till the hour of assignation. 
Before I could get to my appointment, a man mounted on a fine horse alighted 
near me, and coming up with a peremptory air— Sir, said he, are not you the 
son of Baron Steinbach ? I answered in the affirmative. You are the person 
then, resumed he, who were to meet Leonora at her window to-night ? I have 
seen her letters and your answers, her page has put them into my hands, and I 
have followed you this evening from your own house hither, to let. you 
know you have a rival whose pride is not a little wounded at a competition with 
yourself in an affair of the heart. It would be unnecessary to say more. We 
are in a retired place, let us therefore draw, unless, to avoid the chastisement 
in store for you, you will give me your word to break off all connection with 
Leonora. Sacrifice in my favour all your hopes and interest, or your life must 
be the forfeit. It had been better, said I, to have ensured my generosity by 
good manners, than to extort my compliance by menaces. I might have 
granted to your request what I must refuse to this insolent demand. 



HISTORY OF DON ALPHONSO AND SERAPHINA. 159 

Well, then, resumed he, tying up his horse and preparing for the encounter, 
let us settle our dispute like men. Little could a person of my condition have 
stomached the debasement of a request, to a man of your quality. Nine out of 
ten in my rank would, under such circumstances, have taken their revenge on 
terms of less honour but more safety. I felt myself exasperated at this last in- 
sinuation, so that, seeing he had already drawn his sword, mine did not linger 
in the scabbard. We fell on one another with so much fury, that the engage- 
ment did not last long. Whether his attack was made with too much heat, or 
my skill in fencing was superior, he soon received a mortal wound. He stag- 
gered, and dropped dead upon the spot. In such a situation, having no alter- 
native but an immediate escape, I mounted the horse of my antagonist, and 
went off in the direction of Toledo. There was no venturing to return to Baron 
Steinbach's, since, besides the danger of the attempt, the narrative of my ad- 
venture from my own mouth would only afflict him the more, so that nothing 
was so eligible as an immediate decampment from Madrid. 

Chewing the cud of my own melancholy reflection, I travelled onwards the 
remainder of the night and all the next morning. But about noon it became 
necessary to stop, both for the sake of my horse and to avoid the insupportable 
fierceness of the mid-day heat. I staid in a village till sun-set, and then, in- 
tending to reach Toledo without drawing bit, went on my way. I had already 
got two leagues beyond Illescas, when, about midnight, a storm like that of to- 
day overtook me as I was jogging along the road. There was a garden wall 
at some little distance, and I rode up to it. For want of any more commodious 
shelter, my horse's station and my own were arranged, as comfortably as cir- 
cumstances would admit, near the door of a summer-house at the end of the 
wall, with a balcony over it. Leaning against the door, I discovered it to be 
open, owing, as I thought, to the negligence of the servants. Having dis- 
mounted, less from curiosity than for the sake of a better standing, as the rain 
had been very troublesome under the balcony, I went into the lower part of the 
summer-house, leading my horse by the bridle. 

My amusement during the storm was in reconnoitring my quarters ; and 
though I had nothing to form an opinion by, but the lurid gleams of the light- 
ning, it was very evident that such a house must belong to some family above 
the common. I was waiting anxiously till the rain abated, to set forward again 
on my journey; but a great light at a distance made me change my purpose. 
Leaving my horse in the summer-house, with the precaution of fastening the 
door, I made for the light, in the assurance that they were not all gone to bed 
in the house, and with the intention of requesting a lodging for the night. 
After crossing several walks, I came to a saloon, and here too the door was 
left open. On my entrance, from the magnificence so handsomely displayed 
by the light of a fine crystal lustre, it was easy to conclude that this must be 
the residence of some illustrious nobleman. The pavement was of marble, 
the wainscot richly carved and gilt, the proportions of architecture tastefully 
preserved, and the ceiling evidently adorned by the masterpieces of the first 
artists in fresco. But what particularly engaged my attention was a great 
number of busts, and those of Spanish heroes, supported on jasper pedestals, 
and ranged round the saloon. There was opportunity enough for examining 
all this splendour, since there was not even a foot-fall, nor the shadow of any 
one gliding along the passage, though my ears and eyes were incessantly on the 
watch for some inhabitant of this fairy desert. 

On one side of the saloon there was a door a-jar ; by pushing it a little 
wider open, I discovered a range of apartments, with a light only in the fur- 
thest. What is to be done now ? thought I within myself. Shall I go back, or 
take the liberty of marching forward, even to that chamber ? To be sure, it was 



i6o GIL BLAS. 



obvious that the most prudent step would be to make good my retreat ; but 
curiosity was not to be repelled, or rather, to speak more truly, my star was in 
its ascendant. Advancing boldly from room to room, at length I reached that 
where the light was. It was a wax taper on a marble slab, in a magnificent 
candlestick. The first object that caught my eye was the gay furniture of this 
summer abode ; but soon afterwards, casting a look towards a bed, of which 
the curtains were half undrawn on account of the heat, an object arrested my 
attention, which engrossed it with the deepest interest. A young lady, in spite 
of the thunderclaps which had been pealing round her, was sleeping there, 
motionless and undisturbed. I approached her very gently, and by the light 
of the taper I had seized, a complexion and features the most dazzling were 
submitted to my gaze. My spirits were all afloat at the discovery. A sensa- 
tion of transport and delight came over me ; but however my feelings might 
harass my own heart, my conviction of her high birth checked every presump- 
tuous hope, and awe obtained a complete victory over desire. While I was 
drinking in floods of adoration at the shrine of her beauty, the goddess of my 
homage awoke. 

You may well suppose her consternation, at seeing a man, an utter stranger, 
in her bedchamber, and at midnight. She was terrified at this strange appear- 
ance, and uttered a loud shriek. I did my best to restore her composure, and 
throwing myself on my knees in the humblest posture, Madam, said I, fear 
nothing. My business here is not to hurt you. I was going on, but her alarm 
was so great that she was incapable of hearing my excuses. She called her 
woman with a most vehement importunity, and as she could get no answer, 
she threw over her a thin night-gown at the foot of the bed, rushed rapidly out 
of the room, and darted into the apartments I had crossed, still calling her 
female establishment about her, as well as a younger sister whom she had under 
her care. I looked for nothing less than a posse of strapping footmen who 
were likely, without hearing my defence, to execute summary justice on so 
audacious a culprit ; but by good luck, at least for me, her cries were to no 
purpose ; they only roused an old domestic, who would have been but a sorry 
knight had any ravisher or magician invaded her repose. Nevertheless, assum- 
ing somewhat of courage from his presence, she asked me haughtily who I was, 
by what inlet and to what purpose I had presumptuously gained admission into 
her house. I began then to enter on my exculpation, and had no sooner 
declared that the open door of the summer-house in the garden had invited 
my entrance, than she exclaimed as if thunderstruck — Just heaven ! what an 
idea darts across my mind ! 

As she uttered these words, she caught at the wax light on the table ; then 
ran through all the apartments one after another, without finding either her 
attendants or her sister. She remarked, too, that all their personals and ward- 
robe were carried off. With such a comment on her hasty suspicions, she came 
up to me and said, in the hurried accent of suspense and perturbation : Traitor ! 
add not hypocrisy to your other crimes. Chance has not brought you hither. 
You are in the train of Don Ferdinand de Leyva, and are an accomplice in his 
guilt. But hope not to escape, there are still people enough about me to secure 
you. Madam, said I, do not confound me with your enemies. Don Ferdi- 
nand de Leyva is a stranger to me ; I do not even know who you are. You 
see before you an outcast, whom an affair of honour has compelled to fly from 
Madrid ; and I swear by whatever is most sacred among men, that had not a 
storm overtaken me, I should never have set my foot over your threshold. 
Entertain, then, a more favourable opinion of me. So far from suspecting me 
for an accomplice in any plot against you, believe me ready to enlist in your 
defence, and to revenge your wrongs. These last words, and still more the 



HISTORY OF DON - ALPHONSO AND SERAPHINA.. 161 



sincere tone in which they were delivered, convinced the lady of my innocence, 
and she seemed no longer to look on me as her enemy ; but if her anger abated 
it was only that her grief might sway more absolutely. She began weeping 
most bitterly. Her tears called forth my sympathy, and my affliction was 
scarcely less poignant than her own, though the cause of this contagious sorrow 
was still to be ascertained. Yet it was not enough to mingle my tears with 
hers ; in my impatience to become her defender and avenger, an impulse of 
terrific fury came over me. Madam, exclaimed I, what outrage have you 
sustained ? Let me know it, and your injuries are mine. Would you have me 
hunt out Don Ferdinand, and stab him to the heart ? Only tell me on whom 
your justice would fall, and they shall suffer. You have only to give the word. 
Whatever dangers, whatever certain evils may be attendant on the execution 
of your orders, the unknown, whom you thought to be in league with your 
enemies, will brave them all in your cause. 

This enraptured devotion surprised the lady, and stopped the flowing of her 
tears, Ah ! sir, said she, forgive this suspicion, and attribute it to the blindness 
of my cruel fate. A nobility of sentiment like this speaks at once to the heart 
of Seraphina : and while it undeceives, makes me the less repine at a stranger 
being witness of an affront offered to my family. Yes, I own my error, and 
revolt not, unknown as you are, from your proffered aid. But the death of 
Don Ferdinand is not what I require. Well, then, madam, resumed I, of 
what nature are the services you would enjoin me ? Sir, replied Seraphina, the 
ground of my complaint is this : Don Ferdinand de Leyva is enamoured of my 
sister Julia, whom he met with by accident at Toledo, where we for the most 
part reside. Three months since, he asked her in marriage of the Count de 
Polan, my father, who refused his consent on account of an old grudge subsist- 
ing between the families. My sister is not yet fifteen, she must have been 
indiscreet enough to follow the evil counsels of my woman, whom Don Ferdi- 
nand has doubtless bribed ; and this daring ruffian, advertised of our being 
alone at our country-house, has taken the opportunity of carrying off Julia. 
At least I should like to know what hiding-place he has chosen to deposit her 
in, that my father and my brother, who have been these two months at Madrid, 
may take their measures accordingly. For heaven's sake, added she, give 
yourself the trouble of examining the neighbourhood of Toledo, an act so 
heinous cannot escape detection, and my family will owe you a debt of ever- 
lasting gratitude. 

The lady was little aware how unseasonable an employment she was thrusting 
upon me. My escape from Castile could not be too soon effected ; and yet 
how should such a reflection ever enter into her head, when it was completely 
superseded in mine by a more powerful suggestion ? Delighted at finding my- 
self important to the most lovely creature in the universe, I caught at the com- 
mission with eagerness, and promised to acquit myself of it with equalzeal and 
industry. In fact, I did not wait for daybreak, to go about fulfilling my engage- 
ment. A hasty leave of Seraphina gave me occasion to beg her pardon for the 
alarm I had caused her, and to assure her that she should speedily hear some- 
what of my adventure. I went out as I came in, but so wrapped up in admira- 
tion of the lady, that it was palpable I was completely caught. My sense of 
this truth was the more confirmed, by the eagerness with which I embarked in 
her cause, and by the romantic, gaily-coloured bubbles which my passion blew. 
It struck my fancy that Seraphina, though engrossed by her affliction, had 
remarked the hasty birth of my love, without being displeased at the discovery. 
I even flattered myself that if I could furnish her with any certain intelligence 
of her sister, and the business should terminate in any degree to her satisfaction, 
my part in it would be remembered to my advantage. 



1 62 GIL BLAS. 



Don Alphonso broke the thread of his discourse at this passage, and said to 
our aged host : I beg your pardon, father, if the fulness of my passion should 
lead me to dilate too long upon particulars, wearisome and uninteresting to a 
stranger. No, my son, replied the hermit, such particulars are not wearisome : 
I am interested to know the state and progress of your passion for the young 
lady you are speaking of ; my counsels will be influenced by the minute detail 
you are giving me. 

With my fancy heated by these seductive images, resumed the young man, I 
was two days hunting after Julia's ravisher : but in vain were all the inquiries 
that could be made ; by no means I could devise was the least trace of him to 
be discovered. Deeply mortified at the unsuccessful issue of my search, I bent 
my steps back to Seraphina, whom I pictured to myself as overwhelmed with 
uneasiness. Yet she was in better spirits than might have been expected. She 
informed me that her success had been better than mine ; for she had learned 
how her sister was disposed of. She had received a letter from Don Ferdinand 
himself, importing that after being privately married to Julia, he had placed 
her in a convent at Toledo. I have sent his letter to my father, pursued 
Seraphina. I hope the affair may be adjusted amicably, and that a solemn 
marriage will soon extinguish the feuds which have so long kept our respective 
families at variance. 

When the lady had thus informed me of her sister's fate, she began making 
an apology for the trouble she had given me, as well as the danger into which 
she might imprudently have thrown me, by engaging my services in pursuit of 
a ravisher, without recollecting what I had told her, that an affair of honour 
had been the occasion of my flight. Her excuses were couched in such flattering 
terms, as to convert her very oversight into an obligation. As rest was desir- 
able for me after my journey, she conducted me into the saloon, where we sat 
down together. She wore an undress gown of white taffety with black stripes, 
and a little hat of the same materials with black feathers ; which gave me reason 
to suppose that she might be a widow. But she looked so young, that I 
scarcely knew what to think of it. 

If I was all impatient to get at her history, she was not less so to know who 
I was. She besought me to acquaint her with my name, not doubting, as she 
kindly expressed it, by my noble air, and still more by the generous pity which 
had made me enter so warmly into her interests, that I belonged to some con- 
siderable family. The question was not a little perplexing. My colour came 
and went, my agitation was extreme : and I must own that, with less repug- 
nance to the meanness of a falsehood than to the acknowledgment of a dis- 
graceful truth, I answered that I was the son of Baron Steinbach, an officer of 
the German guard. Tell me, likewise, resumed the lady, why you left Madrid. 
Before you answer my question, I will insure you all my father's credit, as 
well as that of mv brother Don Gaspard. It is the least mark of gratitude I 
can bestow on a gentleman who, for my service, has neglected the preservation 
even of his own life. Without further hesitation, I acquainted her with all the 
circumstances of my rencounter : she laid the whole blame on my deceased 
antagonist, and engaged to interest all her family in my favour. 

When I had satisfied her curiosity, it seemed not unreasonable to plead in 
favour of my own. I inquired whether she was maid, wife, or widow. It is 
three years, answered she, since my father made me marry Don Diego de 
Lara ; and I have been a widow these fifteen months. Madam, said I, by 
what misfortune were your wedded joys so soon interrupted ? I am going to 
inform you, sir, resumed the lady, in return for the confidence you have reposed 
in me. 

Don Diego de Lara was a very elegant and accomplished gentleman : but, 



HISTORY OF DON ALPHONSO AND SERAPH IN A. 163 

though his affection for me was extreme, and every day was witness to some 
attempt at giving me pleasure, such as the most impassioned and most tender 
lover puts in practice to win the smile of her he loves ; though he had a thou- 
sand estimable qualities, my heart was untouched by all his merit. Love is 
not always the offspring either of assiduity or desert. Alas ! we are often cap- 
tivated at first sight by we know not whom, nor why, nor how. To love, then, 
was not in my power. More disconcerted than gratified by his repeated offices 
of tenderness, which I received with a forced courtesy, but without real plea- 
sure, if I accused myself in secret of ingratitude, I still thought myself an object 
as much of pity as of censure. To his unhappiness and my own, his delicacy 
more than kept pace with his affection. Not an action or a speech of mine, 
but he unravelled all its hidden motives, and fathomed all my thoughts, almost 
before they arose. The inmost recesses of my heart were laid open to his 
penetration. He complained without ceasing of my indifference ; and esteemed 
himself only so much the more unfortunate, in not being able to please me, as 
he was well assured that no rival stood in his way ; for I was scarcely sixteen 
years old ; and, before he paid his addresses to me, he had tampered with my 
women, who had assured him that no one had hitherto attracted my attention. 
Yes, Seraphina, he would often say, I could have been contented that you had 
preferred some other to myself, and that there were no more fatal cause of your 
insensibility. My attentions and your own principles would get the better of 
such a juvenile prepossession ; but I despair of triumphing over your coldness, 
since your heart is impenetrable to all the love I have lavished on you. 
Wearied with the repetition of the same strain, I told him that instead of dis- 
turbing his repose and mine by this excess of delicacy, he would do better in 
trusting to the effects of time. In fact, at my age, I could not be expected to 
enter into the refinements of so sentimental a passion ; and Don Diego should 
have waited, as I warned him, for a riper period and more staid reflection. 
But, finding that a whole year had elapsed, and that he was no forwarder in 
my favour than on the first day, he lost all patience, or rather, his brain became 
distracted. Affecting to have important business at court, he took his leave, 
and went to serve as a volunteer in the Low Countries ; where he soon found 
in the chances of war what he went to seek, the terminations of his sufferings 
and of his life. 

After the lady had finished her recital, her husband's uncommon character 
became the topic of our discourse. We were interrupted by the arrival of a 
courier, charged with a letter for Seraphina from the Count De Polan. She 
begged my permission to read it ; and as she went on, I observed her to grow 
pale, and to become dreadfully agitated. When she had finished, she raised 
her eyes upward, heaved a long sigh, and her face was in a moment bathed 
with her tears. Her sorrow sat heavily on my feelings. My spirits were 
greatly disturbed ; and, as if it were a forewarning of the blow impending over 
my head, a death-like shudder crept through my frame, and my faculties were 
all benumbed. Madam, said I, in accents half choked with apprehension, may 
I ask of what dire events that letter brings the tidings ? Take it, sir, answered 
Seraphina most dolefully, while she held out the letter to me. Read for 
yourself what my father has written. Alas ! you are but too deeply concerned 
in the contents. 

At these words, which made my 'blood run cold, I took the letter with a 
trembling hand, and found in it the following intelligence : ' ' Your brother, Don 
Gaspard, fought yesterday at the Prado. He received a small sword wound, 
of which he died this day : and declared, before he breathed his last, that his 
antagonist was the son of Baron Steinbach, an officer of the German guard. 
As misfortunes never come alone, the murderer has eluded my vengeance by 

n * 



1 64 GIL BLAS. 



flight, but wherever he may have concealed himself, no pains shall be spared 
to hunt him out. I am going to write to the magistrates all round the country, 
who will not fail to take him into custody, if he passes through any one of 
the towns in their jurisdiction, and by the notices I am going to circulate, I 
hope to cut off his retreat in the country or at the sea-ports. — The Count de 
Polan." 

Conceive into what a ferment this letter threw all my thoughts. I re- 
mained for some moments motionless and without the power of speech. In 
the midst of my confusion, I too plainly saw the destructive bearing of Don 
Gaspard's death on the passion I had imbibed. My despair was unbounded at 
the thought. I threw myself at Seraphina's feet, and offering her my naked 
sword, Madam, said I, spare the Count de Polan the necessity of seeking fur- 
ther for a man who might possibly withdraw himself from his resentment. Be 
yourself the avenger of your brother : offer up his murderer as the victim of 
your own hand : now, strike the blow. Let this very weapon which termin- 
ated his life, cut short the sad remnant of his adversary's days. Sir, answered 
Seraphina, a little softened by my behaviour, I loved Don Gaspard, so that 
though you killed him in fair and manly hostility, and though he brought his 
death upon himself, you may rest assured that I take up my father's quarrel. 
Yes, Don Alphonso, I am your decided enemy, and will do against you all that 
the ties of blood and friendship require at my hands. But I will not take ad- 
vantage of your evil star : in vain has it delivered you into my grasp : if honour 
arms me against you, the same sentiment forbids to pursue a cowardly revenge. 
The rights of hospitality must be inviolable, and I will not repay such service 
as you have rendered me with the treachery of an assassin. Fly ! make your 
escape, if you can, from our pursuit and from the rigour of the laws, and save 
your forfeit life from the dangers that beset it. 

What, then ! madam, returned I, when vengeance is in your own hands, do 
you turn it over to the laws, which may, perhaps, be too slow for your impa- 
tience ? Nay ! rather stab a wretch who is not worthy of your forbearance. 
No, madam, maintain not so noble and so generous a proceeding with one like 
me. Do you know who I am ? All Madrid takes me for Baron Steinbach's 
son — -yet am I' nothing better than a foundling, whom he brought up from 
charity. I know not even who were guilty of my existence. No matter, inter- 
rupted Seraphina, with precipitation, as if my last words had given her new 
uneasiness, though you were the lowest of mankind I would do what honour 
bids. Well, madam, said I, since a brother's death is insufficient to excite 
your thirst after my blood, I will exasperate your hatred still further by a new 
offence, of which I trust you will never pardon the boldness. I dote on you : 
I could not behold your charms without being dazzled by them : and, in spite 
of the cloud in which my destiny was enveloped, I had cherished the hope of 
being united to you. I was so infatuated by my passion, or rather by my 
pride, as to flatter myself that heaven, which perhaps conceals from me my 
birth in mercy, might discover it one day, and enable me without a blush to 
acquaint you with my real name. After this injurious avowal, can you hesitate 
a moment about punishing me ? 

This rash declaration, replied the lady, would doubtless prove offensive at any 
other season ; but I forgive it in consideration of the trouble which bewilders 
you. Besides, my own condition so engrosses me, as to render me deaf to any 
strange ideas that may escape you. Once more, Don Alphonso, added she, 
shedding tears, begone far from a house which you have cast into mourning : 
every moment of your longer stay adds pungency to my distress. I no longer 
oppose your will, madam, returned I, preparing to take my leave : absence 
from you must then be my portion : but do not suppose that, anxious for the 



THE HERMITS ADVICE TO DON ALPHONSO. 165 

preservation of a life which is become hateful to you, I go to seek an asylum 
where I may be sheltered from your search. No, no, I bare my breast to your 
resentment. I shall wait with impatience at Toledo for the fate which you de- 
sign me ; and by surrendering at once to my pursuers, shall myself forward the 
completion of my miseries. 

At the conclusion of this speech I withdrew. My horse was returned to me, 
and I went to Toledo, where I abode eight days, and really with so little care 
to conceal myself that I know not how or why I have escaped an arrest ; for I 
cannot suppose that the Count de Polan, whose whole soul is set on cutting off 
my retreat, should not have been aware that I was likely to pass through 
Toledo. Yesterday I left that town, where it should seem as if I was tired of 
my liberty, and without betaking myself to any fixed course of travelling, I 
came to this hermitage, like a man who had no reason to be ashamed of shew- 
ing himself. Such, father, was the cause of my absence and distraction. I 
beseech you to assist me with your counsels. 

Ck. XI. — The old hermit turns out an extraordinary genius, and Gil Bias 
finds himself among his former acquaintance. 

When Don Alphonso had concluded the melancholy recital of his misfortunes, 
the old hermit said to him — My son, you have been excessively rash in tarrying 
so long at Toledo. I consider in a very different light from that you affect to 
place it in, what you have told me of your story ; and your love for Seraphina 
seems to me to be sheer madness. Take my word for it, you will do well to 
cancel that young lady from your remembrance ; she never can be of your com- 
munion. Retreat like a skilful general, when you cannot act with effect on the 
offensive ; and pursue your fortune on another field, where success may smile 
on your endeavours. You will be terribly out of luck to kill the brother of the next 
young lady who may chance to succeed this only possible object of your affection. 
He was going to add many other inducements to resignation, in such a case 
as Don Alphonso's, when we saw another hermit enter our retreat, with a 
well-stuffed wallet slung across his shoulders. He was on his return, with the 
charitable contributions of all the good folks in the town of Cuenca ; and the 
gathering did credit to the religion of the age. He looked younger than his 
companion, in spite of his thick, foxy beard. Welcome home, brother Antony, 
said the elder of the two recluses ; what news do you bring us from town ? 
Bad enough, answered the carroty friar, putting into his hands a paper, folded 
in the form of a letter ; this little instrument will inform you. The hoary sage 
opened it, and after reading on with an increased attention, as the contents 
seemed to grow more interesting, exclaimed : Heaven's will be done ! Since 
the combustion is anticipated, we have only to fall in with the humour of our 
fate. Let us change our dialect, Signor Don Alphonso ! pursued fie, address- 
ing his discourse to my young companion : you behold in me a man, like your- 
self, who has been a broad mark for the wantonness of fortune to take aim at. 
Word is sent me from Cuenca, a town at the distance of a league hence, that 
some backbiter has been blackening my fair fame in the esteem of justice ; who 
is coming with her hue^and cry to disturb the repose of these rural scenes, and 
to lay her paw upon my person. But an old fox is too cunning to be caught in 
a trap. This is not the first time that I have cut and run before the blood- 
hounds of the law. But, thanks to myself for having my wits about me, I have 
always ended the chase in a whole skin, and held myself in readiness for 
another. It is now time to assume another form ; for, whether you like me 
best in my old skin or my new, I cast my hermit's decrepit slough, to bask in 
the sunshine of youth and vigour. 



1 66 GIL BLAS. 



To suit the action to the word, he threw off the incumbrance of his eccle- 
siastical petticoat, and stood forth to view in a doublet of black serge with 
slashed sleeves. Then off went his cap, and snap went a string, which sup- 
ported the hoary honours of a beard, and our anchorite was at once transformed 
to a brawny ruffian of eight-and-twenty or thirty. Brother Antony, following 
a good example, discarded the outward show of religion, treated his fiery beard 
as the snowy one had been handled just before, and pulled out of an old 
worm-eaten trunk a sorry rag of a cassock, with which he invested his person. 
But what words can express my surprise, when Signor Don Raphael presented 
himself to my view, like a phoenix from the ashes of the old bead-counter! 
To complete the trick of the pantomime, brother Antony was turned into my 
faithful vassal and trusty squire, Ambrose de Lamela. Here are miracles! 
exclaimed I in a quandary ; as far as I can -perceive, we are all hail fellow well 
met ! You never were more lucky in your life, Signor Gil Bias, said Don 
Raphael, with a brazenfaced good humour : you have fallen among old friends 
when you least expected it. It must be owned you have a crow to pluck with 
us; but let the past be buried in oblivion, and thank heaven, here we- are 
together again. Ambrose and I will serve under your banner ; and let me tell 
you, you will have subalterns of no contemptible prowess. You may object 
to our morals ; but they are better in the main than many a hypocrite's preten- 
sions. We never assassinate, and rarely maltreat : and that in pure self- 
defence. The only liberty we take with society is to live at free quarters : and 
though robbery may be considered as containing some little spice of injustice, 
the necessity we labour under of committing it restores its equilibrium to the 
scale. Even join your fortune with ours : you will lead a life of hazard, but of 
variety. Our predatory peregrinations have every pastoral beauty except inno- 
cence, and the want of that is more than counterpoised by subtlety and strata- 
gem. Not but, with all our forecast, a certain mechanical concatenation of 
second causes sometimes frustrates our best-concerted projects, and drags our 
philosophy through the mire. But a ducking now and then only makes us 
swim the better. The seasons must all be taken in their turns ; the blanks as 
well as the prizes must be drawn in the cheating lottery of life. 

Courteous stranger, pursued the pretended hermit, speaking to Don Alphonso, 
we extend the proposal of partnership to you, and it may. be a question whether 
you will better yourself by rejecting it, in the lamentable condition of your 
affairs ; for, to say nothing of the chance-medley for which you are at hide and 
seek, your fortune is probably a little out at elbows. Most lamentably so, 
said Don Alphonso ; and hence, since the truth must out, are my forebodings 
more dark than even my present evils. That is the very thing! replied Don 
Raphael. You were sent by our better genius to join, the party. You will 
find no such good berth in the honest part of the world. Your wants will all 
be supplied, and you may laugh at the vigilance of your pursuers. There is 
not a corner in all Spain which we have not ferreted out; those who are 
always on the scamper see a great deal of the country. We are perfect con- 
noisseurs in landscape, and affect Salvator Rosa's rugged scenery. There we 
graze in peace and freedom, secure from the brutality of justice. Don Alphonso 
expressed himself very much obliged to them for their kind invitation ; and 
finding neither money in his purse, nor contrivance to procure it in his peri- 
cranium, made up his mind at once not to stand upon punctilio with morality. 
I too was led into a looser course than agreed with my rigid principles, by a 
growing friendship for this young man, whom I could not find in my heart to 
abandon in so perilous an enterprise. 

We all four agreed to set off in a body, and never to part company. The 
question was put whether we should sound a retreat on the instant, or first give 



THE HERMIT TAKES TO FLIGHT. 167 

a peremptory summons to a flagon of excellent wine, which brother Antony had 
invested by regular approaches at Cuenca the day before ; but Raphael, a more 
experienced general than any of us, represented that the first thing to be done 
was to render our own camp impregnable, for which purpose he proposed that 
we should march all night, to gain a very thick wood between Villardesa and 
Almodabar, where we should halt, as in a friendly country, and recruit after the 
fatigues of the campaign. These general orders were approved of in council. 
Our lay hermits then went about packing up their baggage and provisions, which 
were swung in two bundles across the back of Don Alphonso's horse. We 
were not long in our preparations, after which we sheered off from the hermit- 
age, leaving a rich booty to legal rapine in the saintly paraphernalia of the two 
hermits ; including a white beard and a red one, two rickety bedsteads, a table 
without a leg, a chest without a bottom, two chairs without any seats, and an 
unmutilated image of St Pacomo. 

Our march was continued the whole night, and we began to chafe and feel 
other inconveniences, when at daybreak we hailed the wood where our toils 
were to end. Sailors after a long voyage work the ship with double alacrity at 
sight of their native land. So it was with us, we pushed forward and got to our 
journey's end by sunrise. Dashing into the thickest of the wood, we pitched 
upon a retired and pleasant spot, where the turf was circled in by tall and branch- 
ing oaks, whose gigantic limbs, interwoven over our heads, formed a natural vault, 
not to be penetrated even by noon-day heat. We took the bridle off the horse 
to let him feed after he was unloaded. Then down we sat, pulling out of bro- 
ther Antony's wallet some large pieces of bread and good substantial slices of 
roast meat, at which we began pegging with all possible pertinacity. Never- 
theless, let our appetites be as obstinate as they might, we every now and then 
suspended the fray to spar a little with the flagon, which returned our blows till 
it made us reel again. 

About the end of the conflict, Don Raphael said to Don Alphonso — My 
brave comrade, after the confidence you have reposed in me, it is but fair that 
in my turn I should recount the history of my life to you with the same sincerity. 
You will do me a great favour, answered the young man ; and an equal one to 
me, chimed in I. My curiosity is all alive to know your adventures, for doubtless 
they must afford much matter of useful speculation. You may rest assured of 
that, replied Don Raphael ; and I mean to leave behind me a history of my own 
times. The composition shall be the amusement of my old age, for I am as 
yet in the prime of life, and mean to furnish in propria persona many new hints 
for my commonplace-book. But we are all weary, let us recruit with some 
hours of sleep. While we three lie down, Ambrose shall keep watch for fear of 
a surprise, and shall then take a nap in his turn. For though, to all appearance, 
we are here in perfect safety, it is always good to keep a sentry at the out-posts. 
After this precaution he stretched himself along upon the grass. Don Alphonso 
did the same. I followed their example, and Lamela performed the office of a 
scout. 

Don Alphonso, so far from getting any rest, was incessantly brooding over his 
misfortunes, and I could not get a wink of sleep. As for Don Raphael, he 
snored most sonorously. But he awoke in little more than an hour, when, find- 
ing us in a listening mood, he said to Lamela — My friend Ambrose, you may 
now yield to the gentle influence of Morpheus. No, no, answered Lamela, my 
sleepy fit is over ; and though I know all the passages of your life by rote, they 
are so instructive to the practitioners of our art and mystery, that I do not care 
how often I hear the tale over again. Without further preface, Don Raphael 
began the narrative of his adventures in these terms. 



1 68 GIL BLAS. 



BOOK THE FIFTH. 

CH. I. — History of Bon Raphael. 

I made my entrance on the stage of life at Madrid, where my mother was an 
actress, famous for dramatic, and infamous for her intriguing talents. Her 
name was Lucinda. As for my father, every man must have one ; but my arith- 
metic is too scanty to determine the number of mine. It might indeed be a 
matter of history, that such or such a man of ^fashion was dangling after my 
mother at the epoch of my arrival in this system ; but then, that mere fact would 
by no means warrant a deduction that any individual gallant of the mother must 
therefore be the father of the child. A lady, so eminent as she was in so noto- 
rious and wholesale a profession, must have many strings to her bow ; where 
her blandishments are most publicly lavished, her favours are most sparingly 
bestowed : there is a show article or two for public exhibition, but her everyday 
wares are cheap, and hackneyed to the meanest purchaser. 

There is nothing like taking scandal by the beard, and treating the opinion 
of the world with heroic indifference. Lucinda, instead of cooping me up in a 
garret at home, made no scruple about owning her little bastard, but took me 
in her hand to the theatre with a modest assurance, regardless how the tongue 
of rumour might babble at her expense, or how the laugh of malice might peal 
at my unlucky appearance. In short, I was her pet, and came in for the caresses 
of all the men who frequented the house. One would have sworn that nature 
pleaded in my favour, and inspired each of them with a father's pride in the brat 
they had clubbed for. The twelve first years of my life were suffered to waste 
away in all kinds of frivolous amusements. Scarcely did they teach me to read 
and write. Still less was it thought of any consequence to initiate me in the 
principles of my religion. To dance, to sing, to play on the guitar, was the sum 
total of my early attainments. With these gifts and graces for my only acqui- 
sitions, the Marquis of Leganez asked for me to be about his only son, who 
was nearly of my own age. Lucinda gave her consent without reluctance, and 
it was then that I began to mind a little what I was about. Young Leganez 
could not reproach me with my ignorance, his little lordship was not cast in a 
scientific mould, for he scarcely knew a letter of his alphabet, though he had been 
under private tuition for fifteen months. None of his masters could make any- 
thing of him, patience was never formed to engage in so unequal a match. To 
be sure, they were expressly forbid to exercise any severity on his noble carcase, 
their orders were to teach, not to torture him ; and this tender precaution, act- 
ing on a subject of insufferably untoward dispositions, was the means of throw- 
ing to the dogs all the mental physic they poured in ; he would none of it. 

But the verb-grinder engendered in his noddle a most ingenious device, by 
which to keep this troublesome young lordling in awe, without trenching on his 
foolish father's injunctions. This scheme was no other than to flog me when- 
ever that scape-grace Leganez had incurred the penalty of the rod, and this 
vicarious execution was inflicted with the utmost rigour. My consent to the 
transfer had never been asked, and there was nothing in the act itself to recom- 
mend it ; so that my only chance was to run away, and appeal to my mother 
against so arbitrary a discipline. However her maternal feelings might inwardly 
revolt, no trace of woman's weakness could be detected in her manner of re- 
ceiving my complaint. The Leganez connection was too important to be lost 
for a few whippings ; and away went she, dragging her culprit into the presence 



HIS TOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 1 69 

of his tormentor, who by this act of hers became master of broom field. Ex- 
perience had convinced him that the success of his invention corresponded with 
its felicity. He therefore went 'on improving the mind and manners of the little 
grandee at the expense of my skin. Remorse for his delinquencies was to be 
excited only by sympathy ; so that whenever it became necessary to make a 
bloody example, my seat of vengeance was firked most unmercifully. The 
running account between young Leganez and me was all on one side, and scarcely 
a day passed but he sinned on tick and suffered by attorney. By the nearest 
calculation of whole' numbers, there went somewhere about a hundred cuts to 
teach him each single letter of the alphabet ; so that if you multiply 100 by 24 
for stupidity, and add an o to the amount for moral offences, you will have the 
sum total of the belabouring that his education cost me. 

This thick and threefold companionship with birch was not the only rub ; my 
path through this family was more beset with thorns than sweetened by flowers. 
As my birth and connections were no secret, the whole of the establishment, 
to the very refuse of the household, the stable-boys and scullions, twitted me 
with my shameful origin. This stuck so terribly in my throat that I made my 
escape once more, but not without borrowing my tutor's ready money, amount- 
ing to upwards of a hundred and fifty ducats, for an indefinite period, and with- 
out interest. Thus was the account settled between us, since he had made a 
property of my hide for a scarecrow, it was but fair that I should have a finger 
in the earnings of his arm.. For a first attempt at thieving both the plan and 
execution were hopeful. A hue and cry was raised for two days, it was hot 
while it lasted, but I lay snug, and they missed me. Madrid was no longer a 
fit hiding-place, so I took to cover in Toledo, and the hounds were thrown 
out. 

I was just then entering into my fifteenth year. What a happy fellow, at 
such an early age, to shape my own conduct and be in a condition of forming a 
set of morals for myself ! I soon scraped acquaintance with some pleasant 
youths, who rescued me from the dominion of prejudice, and shared liberally 
with me in the sin of spending what was not my own. By degrees I rose in 
society and leagued myself with a set of professional sharpers, who found me 
so fine a subject to work upon, that a short time, with plenty of practice, put 
me in possession of all the most desperate jobs. At the expiration of five years, 
an itch for travelling laid hold of me. I therefore took leave of my comrades 
and got as far as Alcantara, wishing to commence my peregrinations with the 
province of Estremadura. In this my first excursion, an opportunity of keep- 
ing in my hand occurred ; and I was too diligent a practitioner to let it escape. 
As I was on foot, and loaded moreover with a pretty heavy knapsack, I halted 
from time to time to avail myself of the shade, and recruit a little under the 
trees which lined the highway. At one of these baits I picked up two young 
gentlemen, who were chatting at their ease upon the grass, and inhaling the 
freshness of the breeze. My mode of accosting them was suited to the occasion ; 
nor did its familiarity seem to be taken in ill part. The eldest could not 
be more than fifteen — a couple of as practicable greenhorns as ever fell into the 
hands of a man of genius. Courteous stranger, said the youngest, we are the 
sons of two rich citizens at Placentia. Longing extremely to see the kingdom 
of Portugal, we have each of us begged a hundred pistoles from our friends, 
and are setting out to satisfy our curiosity. Travelling on foot as we do, we 
shall be able to get a good way with that supply, shall we not ? What do you 
think of it ? If I had as much, answered I, they might take me who could 
catch me. I would scour over the four known quarters of the globe, and then 
set out on new discoveries. Fire and fury ! Two hundred pistoles ! Why it 
is an entail for a dukedom ! You ought to lay by out of the interest. If it is 



170 GIL BLAS. 



agreeable to you, gentlemen, I will club with you as far as Almeria, whither I 
am going to take possession of an estate left me by an uncle who was settled 
there for twenty years or upwards. 

My young cockneys testified at once the pleasure they should derive from my 
company. Whereupon, when we were all three a little refreshed, we trudged 
on towards Alcantara, where we arrived early in the afternoon. No inn but 
the best was fit to hold such guests. We asked for a room, and were shown 
into one where there was a press with a good strong lock upon it. Supper was 
ordered without delay ; but as some time was required to get it ready, I pro- 
posed to my travelling companions a gentle saunter about the town. The party 
seemed perfectly agreeable. We locked up our knapsacks in the press, the 
key of which one of the citizens put in his pocket, and out sallied we from the 
inn. The churches were the best lions we met with in our way ; and while we 
were gaping about the principal, I pretended, to have recollected on a sudden 
some very urgent business. Gentlemen, said I to my companions, it has just 
come across me that a good man of Toledo gave me a commission to say two 
words on his behalf to a merchant who lives hard by this church. Have the 
goodness to wait for me here, I will be back in a moment. With this excuse, 
I went off like a shot, in the direction of our inn. The press was my point of 
attack — I forced the lock, ransacked the baggage of my young citizens, and 
laid a sacrilegious hand on their pistoles. Poor youths ! How they were to 
pay their reckoning, it was not for me to presume even to guess, for most as- 
suredly I stripped them of all the natural means. After this feat, I decamped 
as expeditiously as my legs could carry me from the town, and took the direc- 
tion of Merida, without caring a curse what became of the young brood I had 
plucked. 

Such a windfall as this placed me in a condition of travelling merrily. 
Though in the very blush of youth, a certain forecast was not wanting to carry 
me discreetly through the world, and keep my head above water. It must be 
admitted without question, that I was a youth of forward parts for my age, and 
unfettered by the prejudices of innocence. I determined to buy a mule, and 
cheapened one at the first market town. My knapsack was metamorphosed 
into a portmanteau, and by degrees I began to put on the man of consequence. 
On the third day a man came across me singing vespers with lungs like a pair 
of bellows on the highway. By his air, he seemed to be a musician of the 
church establishment, and I accosted him accordingly. Well done, my holy 
howler of the hallelujahs ! You sing your penitential ditties at a good jovial pitch. 
To all appearance you sol-fa with your whole heart and soul. Good sir, re- 
plied he, I belong, with your good leave, to the musical department of the 
Catholic church : and it is my common practice to keep my devotion and my 
wind in play by the rehearsal of an anthem or two as I travel along the road. 

With this disposition to be sociable, we soon got into conversation. It was 
clear to me that I had fallen in with a character not to be despised in point of 
shrewdness, nor indisposed to society and merriment. He was four or five-and- 
twenty. My companion being on foot, I slackened my pace, for the pleasure 
of chatting with him. Among other things, we talked about Toledo. I am per- 
fectly well acquainted with that city, said the brazen-lunged torturer of anthems. 
It was my residence for a considerable time, and my connections there are not 
altogether contemptible. And hi what part of the town, interrupted I, did you 
reside ? In the New Street, was his answer. I was hand in glove with Don 
Vincent de Buena Garra, Don Matthias de Cordello, and two or three other 
gentlemen of very considerable fashion. We lived together ; took our meals at 
the same mess, and, in short, were scarcely ever asunder. It was a charming 
society ! This avowal was no small surprise to me, for it is to be understood, 



HIS TOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 1 7 1 

that the gentlemen whose names he cited with so pompous an air were the very- 
sharpers with whom I had been affiliated at Toledo. Why, thou degenerate 
vicar choral ! exclaimed I, these fine blades of whom thou hast been boasting 
are among the number of my acquaintance also, for I too have lived with them 
in the New Street ; we were hand in glove, took our meals at the same mess, 
and, in short, were scarcely ever asunder. You are a wag ! replied he, with a 
knowing wink, that is to say, you got into the gang three years ago, when I left 
it. My motive for quitting such a worshipful fraternity, resumed I, was an itch 
for travelling. I mean to make the tour of Spain. A little more knowledge . 
of the world will make me quite another thing. Doubtless, said he, there is no 
possible way but travelling to rub off the rust, or bring wit, talent, and address 
to perfection. It is for the self-same reason that I too turned my back upon Tole- 
do, though the time glided away there very agreeably. But thanks to a kind 
providence, which has yoked me with a labourer in my own vineyard, when I 
least expected it. Let us join our forces, let us travel the same road, let us 
make a joint-stock out of our neighbours' purses, let us rob, let us cheat, let us 
avail ourselves of every opportunity that may offer of exemplifying our theory, 
and improving our practice, in the noble art on which our skill is employed. 

The proposal was made in so candid a spirit, so like a citizen of the world, 
untainted with the selfishness of your honest men, that I closed in with it at 
once. My confidence was surrendered at the first summons to the frankness 
with which he volunteered his own. We spoke our free hearts each to the 
other. I dilated all my pilgrimage, and he spake of most disastrous chances, 
of moving accidents through which he had passed even from his boyish days to 
this very moment of his ripe and rampant roguery. It appeared that he was on 
his way from Portalegre, whence he had been obliged to decamp with the 
utmost expedition on account of a little swindling transaction in which his 
luck happened not to keep pace with his ingenuity. The habit he wore was 
sacrilegiously adopted as a cloak to his person and real character, since he 
thought it safest to be near the church, however far from God. Thus did we 
two share all our counsel, and pledge our brother's vows, till we grew together 
like a double cherry, and determined, with two seeming bodies but one heart, 
to incorporate our voices and minds in some master-stroke at Merida. If it 
took, well and good ; if not, we had only to cut and run. From this moment, 
community of goods, that pure and simple feature of patriarchal life, was 
enacted as a law between us. Moralez, it is true, for that was my fellow-tra- 
veller's name, did not find himself in the most splendid condition possible. 
His funds were limited to five or six ducats, with a few little articles in a bag. 
I therefore was the monied man of the firm ; but then there was brass in his 
forehead for an inexhaustible coinage, and the seeming of a saint when he 
played the devil most. So on we journeyed on the ride-and-tie principle, and 
arrived in humble cavalcade at Merida. 

We put up at an inn near the skirts' of the town, where my comrade changed 
his dress. When he had rigged himself in layman's attire, we took a turn up 
and down, to reconnoitre the ground, and see if we could pick out some oppor- 
tunity of labouring in our vocation. Had it been our good fortune to have 
lived before Homer, that old apologist for sharping by wholesale would have 
dignified our excursion with a simile. 

Not half so keen, fierce vultures of the chase 

Stoop from the mountains on the feathered race, &c- 

To descend into plain prose, we were ruminating on the chapter of accidents, 
and hammering out some theme for the employment of our industry, when we 
espied a grey-headed old gentleman in the street, sword in hand, defending 



MM 



172 GIL BLAS. 



himself against three men who were thrusting at him with all their might and 
main. The unfairness of the match was what stuck in my throat ; so that 
flying, with the spirit of a prize-fighter, to see fair play, I made common cause 
with the old man. Moralez followed up my blows. We proved ourselves a 
match for the three assailants, and put them completely to the rout. 

Our rescued friend was profuse in his acknowledgments. We are in rapture, 
said I, at our good luck in being here so seasonably for your assistance : but 
let us at least know to whom we have been so fortunate as to be serviceable ; 
and what inducement those three men coidd possibly have for their murderous 
attempt. Gentlemen replied he, my obligations are too great to hesitate about 
satisfying your curiosity ; my name is Jerome de Moyadas, a gentleman of this 
town, living on my means. One of these cut-throat rascals, from whom you 
have rescued me, professes to be in love with my daughter. He asked her of 
me in marriage within these few days ; and for want of gaining my consent in a 
quiet way, has just attempted to force himself into my daughter's good graces, 
by sending me into the other world. And may we take the liberty, rejoined I, 
of inquiring further, why you were so obdurate to the proposals of this en- 
amoured swain ? I will explain the whole to you at once, said he. I had a 
brother, a merchant in this town ; his name was Austin. Two months ago he 
happened to be at Calatrava, and took up his abode with his correspondent, 
Juan Velez de la Membrilla. They got to be as loving as turtles ; and my 
brother, to clench the connection, engaged my daughter Florence to his good 
friend's son, not doubting but he had influence enough with me to redeem his 
pledge when he returned to Merida. Accordingly, he no sooner opened himself 
on the subject than I consented out of pure fraternal affection. He sent Flo- 
rence's picture to Calatrava ; but, alas ! he did not live to put the finishing hand 
to his own work. We laid him with his forefathers three weeks ago ! On his 
death-bed, he besought me not to dispose of my girl but in favour of his corre- 
spondent's son. I satisfied his mind on that point ; and this is the reason why 
I have refused Florence to the suitor by whom I was assaulted, though the 
match would have been a very desirable one. But my word is my idol ; and 
we are in daily expectation of Juan Velez de la Membrilla's heir, who is to be 
my son-in-law, though I know no more of him, nor of his father neither, than 
if they were just imported from an undiscovered island. But I beg pardon ; 
this is an old man's garrulity. Yet you yourselves led me into the scrape. 

This tale did I swallow with a greedy ear ; and pouncing at once upon a part 
to play, which my fruitful imagination suggested, I put on an air of inordinate 
surprise, and ventured at all hazards to lift my eyes upward to a purer region. 
Then turning to my father-in-law, with an expression of feeling which nothing 
but hypocrisy could personate : Ah ! Signor de Moyadas, is it possible that, on 
my arrival at Merida, I should enjoy the heartfelt triumph of rescuing from 
foul assassination the honoured parent of my peerless love ? This exclamation 
produced all the astonishment it was levelled to excite in the old citizen. Even 
Moralez himself stared like an honest man, and shewed by his face that there 
was a degree of impudence to which his conceptions had not hitherto risen. 
What ! do not my ears deceive me ? exclaimed the old gentleman. And are 
you really the son of my brother's correspondent ? Really and truly, Signor 
Jerome de Moyadas, rejoined I with impregnable effrontery, and a hug round 
his neck that had nearly sent him after his brother. Behold the selected mor- 
tal of his species, to whose arms the adorable Florence is devoted ! But these 
nuptial anticipations, transporting as they are, must yield to the anguish of my 
soul for the demise of their founder. , Poor Austin ! He is gone, and we must 
all follow ! I should be ingratitude personified, if my heart was not lacerated 
and rent by the death of a man to whom I owe all my hopes of bliss. At the 



HISTOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 



term of this period, I squeezed good Jerome's wezand once more, and drew the 
back of my hand across my eyes, to wipe away,the tears it had not been conve- 
nient to shed. Moralez, who by this time had conned over the pretty pickings 
to be made out of this juggle, was not wanting to play his underpart. He 
passed himself off for my servant, and improved upon his master in lamenta- 
tion for the untimely death of Signor Austin. My honoured master Jerome, 
exclaimed he, what a loss have you sustained, since your brother is no more ! 
He was such an honest man. Honest men are not to be met with every day. 
A superfine sample of commerce ! A dealer in friendship without a per centage ! 
A dealer in merchandise without an underhand advantage ! A dealer who 
dealt as dealers very seldom do deal ! 

We had our hands to play against a man who was a novice at the game. 
Simple and cullible, so far from smelling out the rat, he took his stink for a 
nosegay. And why, said he, did you not come straight to my house ? It was 
not friendly to put up at an inn. On the footing we are likely to be upon, there 
should be none of those punctilios. Sir, said Moralez, helping me out of the 
scrape, my master is a little too much given to stand upon ceremony. Though 
to be sure, in the present instance, he is in some degree excusable for declining 
to appear before in this uncouth trim. We have been robbed upon the road, 
and have lost all our travelling equipage. My lad, interrupted I, has let the 
cat out of the bag, Signor de Moyadas. This unlucky accident has prevented 
me from paying my respects sooner. True love is diffident ; nor could I venture 
in this garb into the presence of a mistress who was unacquainted with my 
person. I was therefore waiting the return of a servant whom I have sent to Cala- 
trava. Such a trifle, rejoined the old man, must not deprive us of your com- 
pany; and I insist upon it, that you make my house your home from this very 
moment. 

With such sort of importunity, he forced me into his family : but as we were 
on our way, the pretended robbery was a natural topic of conversation ; and I 
should have made light of my baggage, though the loss was very considerable, 
had not Florence's picture unluckily formed a part of the booty ! The old 
codger chuckled at that, and observed, that such a loss was easily repaired : 
the original was worth five hundred per cent, more than the copy. To make 
me amends, as soon as we got home, he called his daughter, a girl of not more 
than sixteen, with a person to have reclaimed a libertine, if beauty ever pos- 
sessed that power except in romance. You behold, said he, the bale of goods 
my late brother has consigned to you. Oh ! my good sir, exclaimed I in an 
impassioned tone, words are not wanting to assm-e me that this must be the 
lovely Florence : those bewitching features are engraven on my memory, their 
impression is indelible on my heart. If the portrait I have lost, the mere out- 
line of these embodied charms, could kindle passion by its cold and lifeless 
likeness, judge what must be my agitation, my transport at this moment. Such 
language is too flattering to be sincere, said Florence ; nor am I so weak and 
vain as to be persuaded that my merits warrant it. That is right ! interchange 
your fine speeches, my children ! This was a good-natured encouragement from 
the father, who at once left me alone Math his daughter, and taking Moralez 
aside, said to him ; My friend, those who made so free with your baggage, 
doubtless did not stand upon any ceremony with your money. Very true, sir, 
answered my colleague ; an overpowering band of robbers poured down upon 
us near Castil-Blazo, and left us not a rag but what we carry on our backs : 
but we are in momentary expectation of receiving bills of exchange, and then 
we shall appear once more like ourselves. 

While you are waiting for your bills of exchange, replied the old man, taking 
a purse out of his pocket, here are a hundred pistoles with whi'ch )^ou may 



GIL BLAS. 



do as you please. Oh, sir ! rejoined Moralez, as if he were shocked, my master 
will never take them. You do not know him. Heaven and earth ! he is a man 
of the nicest scruples in money matters. Not one of your shabby fellows, al- 
ways spunging upon his friends, and ready to take up money wherever he can 
get it ! Running in debt is ratsbane to him. If he is to beg his bread or go 
into an hospital, why there is an end of it ! but as for borrowing, he will never 
be reduced to that. So much the better ! said the good burgess : I value him 
the more for his independence. Running in debt is a mean thing ; it ought to 
be ratsbane to him and everybody else. Your people of quality, to be sure, 
may plead prescription in their favour ; there is a sort of privileged swindling, 
not incompatible with high honour, in high life. If tradesmen were to be paid, 
they would be too nearly on a level with their employers. But as your master 
has such upright principles, heaven forbid they should be violated m this house ! 
Since any offer of pecuniary assistance would hurt his feelings, we must say no 
more about it. As the point seemed to be settled, the purse was for steering 
its course back again into the pocket ; but my provident partner laid hold of 
Signor de Moyadas by the arm, and delayed the convoy. Stay, sir, said he, 
whatever aversion my master may have to borrowing on a general principle, and 
considered as borrowing, yet there is a light in which, with good management, 
he may be brought to look kindly on your hundred pistoles. In fact, it is only 
in a mercantile point of view, as an affair of debtor and creditor between 
strangers, that he holds this formal doctrine ; but he is free and easy enough 
where he is on a family footing. Why, there is his own father ! It is only ask 
and have ; and he does ask and have accordingly. Now you are going to be a 
second father to him, and are fairly entitled to be put on the same confidential 
footing. He is a young man of nice discrimination, and will doubtless think 
you entitled to the compliment. 

By thus shifting his ground, Moralez got possession of the old gentleman's 
purse. As for the girl and myself, we were engaged in a little agreeable flirt- 
ing ; but were soon joined by our honoured parent, who interrupted our tete-a- 
tete. He told Florence how much he was obliged to me, and expressed his 
gratitude to myself, in terms which left no doubt of our being a very happy 
family. I made the most of so favourable a disposition, by telling the good 
man, that if he would bestow on me an acknowledgment the nearest to my 
heart, he must hasten my marriage with his daughter. My eagerness was not 
taken amiss. He assured me, that in three days at latest I should be a happy 
bridegroom, and that instead of six thousands ducats, the fortune he had 
promised to give my wife, he would make it up ten, as a substantial 
proof how deeply he felt himself indebted to me for the service I had rendered 
him. 

Here we were, therefore, quite at home with our good friend Jerome de 
Moyadas, sumptuously entertained, and catching every now and then a vista 
vision of ten thousand ducats, with which we proposed to march off abruptly 
from Merida. Our transports, however, were not without their alloy. It was 
by no means improbable that within three clays the bona fide son of Juan Velez 
de la Membrilla might come and interrupt our sport. This fear had for its 
foundation more than the weakness of our nerves. On the very next morning, 
a sort of clodpole, with a portmanteau across his shoulders, knocked at the door 
of Florence's father. I was not at home at the time, but my colleague had to 
bear the brunt of it. Sir, said the rustic to our sagacious friend, I belong to the 
young gentleman at Calatrava who is to be your son-in-law — to Signor de la 
Membrilla. We have both just come off our journey : he Avill be here in an 
instant, and sent me forward to prepare you for his arrival. Hardly had these 
unaccountable tidings been announced, when the master appeared in person ; 



.J 



HIS TOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 1 75 

which stretched the old fellow's blinkers into a stare, and put Moralez a little 
to the blush. 

Young Pedro was what we call a tall fellow of his inches. He began at once 
paying his compliments to the master of the house ; but the good man did not 
give him time to finish his speech ; and turning towards my partner in iniquity, 
asked what was the meaning of all this. Hereupon Moralez, whose power of 
face was not to be exceeded by any human impudence, boldly asserted our 
identity, and said to the old gentleman — Sir, these two men here before you 
belong to the gang which pillaged us on the highway. I have a perfect recol- 
lection of their features ; and in particular could swear to him who has the 
effrontery to call himself the son of Signor Juan Velez de la Membrilla. The 
old citizen gulped down the lies of Moralez like nectar, and told the intruders, 
on the supposition of their being the impostors — Gentlemen, you are come the 
day after the fair ; the trick was a very good one, but it will not pass ; the 
enemy has taken the ground before you. Pedro de la Membrilla has been un- 
der this roof since yesterday. Have all your wits about you, answered the 
young man from Calatrava ; you are nursing a viper in your bosom. Be as- 
sured that Juan Velez de la Membrilla has neither chick nor child but myself. 
And what relation is the hangman to you ? replied the old dupe : you are better 
known than liked in this house. Can you look this young man in the face ? or 
can you deny that you robbed his master ? If I Avere anywhere but under your 
roof, rejoined Pedro in a rage, I would punish the insolence of this scoundrel 
who fancies to pass me off for a highwayman. He is indebted for his safety to 
your presence, which puts a curb upon my choler. Good sir, pursued he, you 
are grossly imposed on. I am the favoured youth to whom your brother Austin 
has promised your daughter. Is it your pleasure for me to produce the whole 
correspondence with my father on the subject of the impending match ? Will 
you be satisfied with Florence's picture sent me by him as a present a little 
while before his death ? 

No, put in the old burgess crustily ; the picture will work just as strongly on 
my conviction as the letters. I am perfectly aware by what chance they all fell 
into your hands ; and if you will take a stupid fellow's advice, Meridawill soon 
be rid of such rubbish. A quick march may save you a trouncing. This is 
beyond all bearing, screamed out the young royster with an overwhelming ve- 
hemence. My name shall »ever be stolen from me, and assumed by a common 
cheat with impunity ; neither shall my person be confounded with that of a free- 
booter. There are those in this town who can identify me : they are forth- 
coming, and shall expose the fallacy by which you are prejudiced against me. 
With this assurance he withdrew, attended by his servant, and Moralez kept 
possession of the field. The adventure had even the effect of determining 
Jerome de Moyadas to fix the wedding for the very time being. Accordingly 
he went his way, for the purpose of giving the necessary orders for the cele- 
bration. 

Though my colleague in knavery was well enough pleased to see Florence's 
father in a humour so pat for our purposes, he was not without certain scruples 
of conscience about our safety. It was to be feared, lest the probable proceed- 
ings pf Pedro might be followed up by awkward consequences; so that he 
waited impatiently for my arrival, to make me acquainted with what had occur- 
red. I found him over head and ears in a brown study. W r hat is the matter, 
my friend ? said I, seemingly there is something upon your mind. Indeed there 
is ; and something that will be minded, answered he. At the same time he let 
me into the affair. Now you may judge, added he after a pause, whether we 
have not some food for reflection. It is .your ill star, rash contriver, which has 
thrown us into this perplexity. The idea, it must be confessed, was full of fire 



176 GIL BLAS. 



and ingenuity ; had it answered in the application, your renown would have 
been emblazoned in the chronicles of our fraternity ; but according to present 
appearances, the run of luck is against us, and my counsels incline to a prudent 
avoidance of all explanations, by quietly sneaking off with the market-penny we 
have made of the silly old fellow's credulity. 

Master Moralez, replied I to this desponding speech, you give way to diffi- 
culties with more haste than good speed. Such pusillanimity does but little 
honour to Don Matthias de Cordel, and the other gallant blades with whom you 
were affiliated at Toledo. After serving a campaign under such experienced gene- 
rals, it is not soldierly to shrink from the perils of the field. For my part, I am 
resolved to fight the battles of these heroes over again, or, in more vulgar phrase, 
to prove myself a chip from the old blocks. The precipice which makes your 
head turn giddy only stiffens my sinews to surmount the toils of the way, and 
push forward to the end of our career. If you arrive at your journey's end in a 
whole skin, said my companion, I will myself be your biographer, and set your 
fame far above all the parallels of Plutarch. 

Just as Moralez was finishing this learned allusion, Jerome de Moyadas came 
in. You shall be my son-in-law this very evening, said he. Your servant must 
have given you an account of what has just passed. What say you to the im- 
pudence of the scoundrel who wanted to make me believe that he was the son 
of my brother's correspondent ? Honoured sir, answered I, with a melancholy 
air, and in a tone of voice the most insinuating that ever cajoled the easy faith 
of a dotard, I feel within me that it is not in my nature to carry on an imposition 
without betraying it in my countenance. It now becomes necessary to make 
you a sincere confession. I am not the son of Juan Velez de la Membrilla. 
What is it you tell me ? interrupted the old man, out of breath with surprise, 
and out of his wits with apprehension. So then ! you are not the young man 
to whom my brother For pity's sake, sir, interrupted I in my }urn, con- 
descend to give me a hearing patiently to the end of my story. For these eight 
days have I doted to distraction on your daughter ; and this dotage, this dis- 
traction, has riveted me to Merida. Yesterday, after having rescued you from 
your danger, I was making up my mind to ask her of you in marriage ; but you 
gave a check to my passion and put a tie upon my tongue, by the intelligence 
that she was destined for another. You told me that your brother, on his 
death-bed, enjoined you to give her to Pedro de la Membrilla ; that your word 
was pledged, and that you were the sworn vassal and bondman of your veracity. 
These circumstances, it must be owned, were overwhelming in the extreme ; 
and my romantic passion, at the last gasp of its despair, gained breath by the 
stratagem with which the god of love inspired me. I must at the same time 
declare that a trick is at the best but a mean thing, and, however sanctified by 
the motive, my conscience recoiled at the delusion. Yet I could not but think 
that my pardon would be granted on the discovery, when it should come out 
that I was an Italian prince travelling through this country as a private gentle- 
man. My father reigns supreme over a nest of inaccessible valleys, lying be- 
tween Switzerland, the Milanese, and Savoy. It could not but occur to me 
that you would be agreeably surprised when I should unfold to you my birth, 
and having married Florence under my fictitious character, should announce to 
her the rank she had attained, with all the rapture of an enamoured husband, 
and all the stage effect of a hero in tragedy or romance. But heaven, pursued 
I, with an hypocritical softening down of my accents, has visited my sins by 
cutting me off from such a perennial stream of joy. Pedro de la Membrilla 
was introduced upon the scene ; he must have his name back again, whatever 
the restitution may cost me. Your promise binds you hand and foot to fix upon 
him for your son-in-law ; it is your duty to give him the preference, without 



HISTOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 1 77 

taking my rank and station into the account ; without mercy on the forlorn con- 
dition to which you are going to reduce me. To be sure, it might be said, but 
then I should say it who ought not to say it, that your brother had only the au- 
thority of an uncle over your daughter, that you are her father, and that there 
is more right and reason in discharging an actual debt of gratitude towards your 
preserver, than in being mealy-mouthed about a verbal promise which would 
press but lightly on the conscience of the most scrupulous casuist. 

Yes, without doubt, that argument is indisputable, exclaimed Jerome de Moy- 
adas ; and on that ground there can no longer be any question between you and 
Pedro de la Membrilla. If my brother Austin were still living, he would not 
think it bad morality to give the preference to a man who has saved my life, nor 
a bad speculation to close the bargain with a prince who has not disdained to 
court our alliance. It were an absolute suicide on the part of all my opening 
prospects ; the frantic desperation of an acknowledged incurable, not to dispose of 
my daughter so illustriously, not to solicit your highness's acceptance of her 
hand. And yet, sir, resumed I, these things are not to be determined without 
due deliberation ; look at your own interests and safety with a microscopic eye, 
for though the illustrious channel through which my blood has flowed for 

ages You are scarcely serious, interrupted he, in supposing that I can 

hesitate for a moment. No, may it please your highness ; it is my most humble 
and earnest request that you will deign, on this very evening, to honour the 
happy Florence with your hand. Well, then ! said I, be it so ; go yourself and 
be the bearer of the unlooked-for tidings, announce to her the brilliant career of 
her exalted destiny. 

While the good citizen was putting his best foot foremost, to instil into his 
daughter that she had made the conquest of a prince, Moralez, who had taken 
in the whole conversation with greedy ear, threw himself upon his knees before 
me, and did homage in these bantering terms. Most potent, grave, and august 
Italian prince, son of a sovereign, supreme over a nest of inaccessible valleys, 
lying between Switzerland, the Milanese, and Savoy, permit me to humble my- 
self at your highness's feet, in humble acknowledgment of the ecstasy into which 
you have thrown me. By the honour of a swindler, you are one of the wonders 
of our world. I always thought myself the first man in the line ; but in good 
truth I doff my bonnet before you, whose genius seems to supersede the lessons 
of experience. Then you are no longer uneasy about the result, said I to my 
colleague in iniquity. Oh ! as to that, not in the least, answered he. I no 
longer care a fig for Master Pedro ; let him come as soon as he pleases, we 
are a match for him. Here we are, then, Moralez and myself, safe seated on 
the saddle, and rising in our stirrups. We even went so far as to begin settling 
the course we should pursue with the fortune, on which we reckoned so securely, 
that if it had already been in our pockets, we could not have chuckled more 
triumphantly over the proverb of " a bird in the hand." Yet we were not in 
actual possession, which is more than legal right : and the sequel of the adven- 
ture proved to us, that many things fall out between the cup and the lip. 

We very soon saw the young man of Calatrava returning. He was accom- 
panied by two citizens and by an alguazil, whose dignity was as much supported 
by his whiskers, and by the lowering overcast of his swarthy aspect, as by the 
weight of his official character. Florence's father was of the party. Signor de 
Moyadas, said Pedro to him, here are three honest people come to answer for 
me ; they are acquainted with my person, and can tell you who I am. Yes, 
undoubtedly, exclaimed the alguazil, I can depose to the fact. I certify to all 
those whom it may concern, that you are known to me : your name is Pedro, 
and you are the only son of Juan Valez de la Membrilla : whosoever dares to 
maintain the contrary is an impostor. I believe you implicitly, master alguazil, 



78 GIL BLAS. 



said the good creature Jerome de Moyadas, rather drily. Your evidence is 
gospel to me, as well as that of these fair and honest tradesmen you have brought 
with you. I am fully satisfied that the young gentleman on whose behalf you 
come is the only son of my brother's correspondent. But what is that to me ? 
I am no longer in the humour to give him my daughter, so there is an end of 
that. 

Oh ! then it is quite another matter, said the alguazil. I only come to your 
house for the purpose of assuring you that this young man is no impostor. You 
have the authority of a parent over your child, and no one has any right to dictate 
to you how you are to marry her, and whether you will or no. Neither do I, on 
my part, interrupted Pedro, pretend to lay any force on the inclinations of Signor 
de Moyadas ; but he will perhaps allow me to ask him why he has so suddenly 
changed his resolution. Has he any reason to be dissatisfied with me ? Alas ! 
let me at least understand, that in losing the sweet hope of becoming his son- 
in-law, my promised bliss has not been wrested from me by any misconduct of 
my own. I have no complaint to make of you, answered the old man ; nay, I 
will even tell you more ; it is with sincere sorrow that I find myself under the 
necessity of breaking my word with you, and I heartily beseech you to forgive 
me for having done so. I am persuaded that you are too generous to bear me 
any ill-will for having thrown the balance into the scale of a rival, who has saved 
my life. You see him here, pursued he, introducing my noble self, this is the 
illustrious personage who threw round me the shield of his protection in my 
great peril : and, the better still to apologize for my seemingly harsh treatment 
of yourself, you are to know that he is an Italian prince. 

At these last words, Pedro was dumb-founded, and looked as if he coidd not 
help it. The two tradesmen opened their eyes as wide as they could stare, 
with surprise at finding themselves for the first time in princely society. But 
the alguazil, in the habit of looking at things with the cross eye of suspicion, 
divined most perspicuously that this marvellous adventure must be a complete 
humbug ; and the verification of the prophecy was calculated to put money into 
the pocket of the prophet. He therefore conned over my countenance with a 
very inquisitive regard ; but as my features, which were new to justice, threw 
him out most cruelly from hunting down the game he was in chase of, he had 
no alternative but to try his luck on my companion. Unfortunately for my 
highness of the inaccessible valleys, he knew again the hang-dog features of 
Moralez ; and recollecting to have seen him within the purlieus of a gaol, Ay, 
ay ! exclaimed he, this is one of my established customers. This gentleman is 
a particular acquaintance of mine, and you may take his character from me for 
one of the rankest rascals within the kingdoms and principalities of Spain. 
Softly, look before you leap, most adventurous alguazil, said Jerome de 
Moyadas ; this lad, of whom you draw so unfavourable a picture, is in the 
travelling retinue of a prince. So much the better, retorted the alguazil ; a 
man would not desire clearer evidence on which to bring in his verdict. If we 
can but hang the servant, we shall soon send the master to the devil. The case 
is as undeniable as a feed counsel's plea ; these pleasant sparks are a couple of 
fortune-hunters, who have laid their heads together to take you in. I am an 
old hound upon this scent ; so that, by way of proof presumptive that these 
merry vagabonds are within the contemplation of the law in that case provided, 
I shall lodge them where they will be well taken care of. They will have 
plenty of time for meditation under the chastising philosophy of a turnkey ; or 
should confinement fail to mend their morals, we have a sort of tangible disci- 
pline, which insinuates reformation by the inlet of a smarting hide. Stop there, 
and bethink you in good time, master officer, rejoined the old gentleman ; we 
must not draw the cord tighter than it will bear. You never make any bones, 



HIS TOR Y OF BON RAPHAEL. 1 79 

you hangers-on of the law, about hurting the feelings of better men than your- 
selves. May not this servant be a common cheat, without his master being a 
swindler ? Princes are persons of honour as a matter of course ; yet the retainers 
to a court are inordinate rascals ; it requires no conjurer to find that out. Are 
you playing into the hands of your deluders, with your princes ? interrupted the 
alguazil. This new manufacturer of false pretences is a proficient, take my 
word for it ; but I shall quench his zeal in the service, and gravel the ingenuity 
of his partner, with a whereas and a commitment in due form. The scouts of 
justice are all round the door, who will worry their game every inch of the 
chase, if they do not suffer themselves to be taken quietly on their form. So 
come along, may it please your serene highness, let us proceed to our destin- 
ation. 

This upshot of the business was a death-blow to me, as well as to Moralez ; 
and our confusion did but infuse doubts into the mind of Jerome de Moyadas, 
or rather burned, sunk, and destroyed us in his esteem. He began rather to 
think, not without reason, that we had some little design to impose on his 
credulity. Nevertheless he acted on this occasion in the spirit of a man of 
honour and a gentleman. My good friend and protector, said he to the 
alguazil, your conjectures may be without foundation ; on the other hand, they 
may turn out to have too much truth in them. Whichever of these alternatives 
may be the fact, let us not look too curiously into their characters. They are 
both young, and have time enough for amendment if they want it ; let them go 
their ways, and withdraw whithersoever it may best please them. Make no 
opposition, I beseech you, to their safe egress ; it is a favour which you may 
consider as done to me, and my motive for asking it is to acquit myself of my 
debt to them. If my heart was not too soft for my profession, answered the 
alguazil, I should lodge these pretty gentlemen in limbo, in defiance of all your 
pleadings in their favour ; but your eloquence and my susceptibility have relaxed 
the stern demeanour of justice for this evening. Let them, however, leave town 
on the spur of the occasion : for if I come across them to-morrow, and there is 
any faith in an alguazil, they shall see such sport as will be no sport to them. 

When it was signified to Moralez and me, culpi-its as we were, that we were 
to be let off scot free, we polished up the brass upon our foreheads a little. It 
was time now to bounce and swagger, and to maintain that we were men of 
undeniable respectability ; but the alguazil looked askew at us, and muttered 
that least said was soonest mended. I do not know how, but those gentry have 
a strange knack of curbing our genius ; they are complete lords of the ascendant. 
Florence and her dowry therefore were lost to Pedro de la Membrilla by a turn 
of the dice, and we may conclude that he was received as the son-in-law of 
Jerome de Moyadas. I took to my heels with my companion. We blundered 
on the road to Truxillo, with the consolation at our hearts of having at least 
pocketed a hundred pistoles by our frolic. An hour before night-fall we passed 
through a little village with the intention of putting up for the evening at the 
next stage. An inn of very tolerable appearance for the place attracted our 
notice. The landlord and landlady were sitting at the door, on a long bench 
such as usually graces a pot-house porch. Our host, a tall man, withered, 
and with one foot in the grave, was tinkling on a cracked guitar to the unbound- 
ed emolument of his wife, whose faculties seemed to hang in rapture on the per- 
formance. Gentlemen, cried out the intrepid tavern-keeper, when he found 
that we were not upon the halt, you will do well to stop here ; you may fare 
worse further off. There is a devil of a three leagues to the nearest village, and 
you will find nothing to make you amends for what you leave behind ; you 
may assure yourselves of that. Take a word of advice, know when you are well 
used ; I will treat you with the fat of the land, and charge you at the lowest 



[8o GIL BLAS. 



rate. There was no resisting such a plea. We came up to our courteous enter- 
tainers, paid them the compliments of course, and sitting down by their side, 
the conversation was supported by all four on the indifferent topics of the day. 
Our host announced himself as an officer of the Holy Brotherhood, and his rib 
was a fat laughing squab of a woman, with outward good-nature, but with an 
eye to make the most of her commodities. 

Our discourse was broken in upon by the arrival of from twelve to fifteen 
riders, some mounted on mules, others on horseback, followed by about 
thirty sumpter-mules laden with packages. Ah ! what a princely retinue ! 
exclaimed the landlord at the sight of so much company : where can I put them 
all ? In an instant the village was crammed full of men and beasts. As luck 
would have it, there was near the inn an immense barn, where the sumpter- 
mules and their packages were secured ; the saddle-mules and horses were taken 
care of in other places. As for their masters, they thought less about bespeak- 
ing beds than about calling for the bill of fare, and ordering a good supper. 
The host and hostess, with a servant girl whom they kept, were all upon. the 
alert to make things agreeable. They laid a heavy hand upon all the fowls in 
the poultry-yard. These precious roasts, with some undisguised rabbits, cats 
in the masquerade of a fricassee, and a deluging tureen of soup, stinking of 
cabbage and greasy with mutton fat, were enough to have given a sickener to 
the inveterate stomachs of a regiment. 

As for Moralez and myself, we cast a scrutinizing eye on these troopers, nor 
were they behindhand in passing their secret judgments upon us. At last we 
came together in conversation, and it was proposed on our part, if they had no 
objection, that we should all sup together. They assured us that they should 
be extremely happy in our company. Here we are, then, all seated round the 
table. There was one among them who seemed to take the lead ; and for 
whom the rest, though in the main they were on the most intimate terms with 
him, thought it necessary on some occasions to testify their deference. In case of 
a dispute, this high gentleman assumed the umpire, he talked in a tone above the 
common pitch, going so far sometimes as to contradict in no very courtly phrase 
the sentiments of others, who, far from giving him back his own, were ready 
to swear to his assertions and crouch under his rebuke. By accident the dis- 
course turned on Andalusia. Moralez happening to launch out into the praise 
of Seville, the man about whom I have been talking said to him — My good 
fellow-traveller, you are ringing the chimes on the city which gave birth to me ; 
at least I am a native of the neighbourhood, since the little town of Mayrena 
is answerable for my appearance in the world. I have the same story to tell 
you, answered my companion. I am also of Mayrena ; and it is scarcely pos- 
sible but that our families should be acquainted. Whose son are you ? An 
honest notary's, replied the stranger, by name Martin Moralez. As fate will 
have it, exclaimed my comrade with emotion, the adventure is very remarkable ! 
You are then my eldest brother, Manuel Moralez ? Exactly so, said the other, 
and if my senses do not deceive me, you your very self are my little brother 
Lewis, whom I left in the cradle when I turned my back upon my father's 
house ? You are right in your conjectures, answered my honest colleague. At 
this discovery they both got up from table, and almost hugged the breath out 
of each other's bodies. At last Signor Manuel said to the company — Gentle- 
men, this circumstance is altogether marvellous. By mere chance, I have met 
with a brother and have been challenged by him, whom I have not seen for 
more than twenty years : allow me to introduce him. At once all the travel- 
lers, who had risen from their seats out of curiosity and good manners, paid 
their compliments to the younger Moralez, and made him run the gauntlet 
through their salutations. When these were over, the party returned to the 



HISTORY OF DON RAPHAEL. 



table, nor did they think any more of an adjournment. Bed-time never entered 
into their heads. The two brothers sat next to one another, and talked in a 
whisper about their family affairs ; the other guests plied the bottle, and made 
merry in a louder key. 

Lewis had a long conference with Manuel ; and afterwards, taking me aside, 
said to me : All these troopers belong to the household of the Count de Mon- 
tanos, whom the king has very lately appointed to the vice-regal government 
of Majorca. They are convoying the equipage of the viceroy to Alicant, where 
they are to embark. My brother, who has risen to be steward to that noble- 
man, proposes to take me along with him ; and on the difficulty I started about 
leaving you, he told me that if you would be of the party, he would procure 
you a good berth. My dear friend, pursued he, I advise you not to stand out 
against this proposal. Let us take flight together for the island of Majorca. If 
we find our quarters pleasant, we will fix there ; and if they are otherwise, we 
have nothing to do but to return into Spain. 

I accepted the proposal with the best grace possible. What a reinforce- 
ment, in the person of young Moralez and myself, to the household of the 
count ! We took our departure in a body from the inn, before daybreak. 
We got to the city of Alicant by long stages, and there I bought a guitar, and 
arranged my dress in a manner suited to my new destination, before we em- 
barked. Nothing ran in my head but the island of Majorca ; and Lewis 
Moralez was a new man as well as myself. It should seem as though we had 
bid farewell to ' the rogueries of this wicked world. Yet, not to play the liar s 
in the ear of so rigorous a confessor as my own conscience, we had a mind not 
to pass for villains incarnate, now that we had got into company that had some 
pretensions to decency : and that was the sum total of our honesty. The na^" 
mral bent of our genius remained much the same ; we were still men of busi- 
ness, but just now keeping a vacation. In short, we went on board gallantly 
and gaily in this lucid interval of innocence, and had no idea but of landing at 
Majorca under the especial care of Neptune and ^Lolus. Hardly, however, 
had we cleared the gulf of Alicant, when a sudden and violent storm arose, 
enough to have frightened better men. Now is my opportunity, or never, to 
speak of moving accidents by flood ; to set the atmosphere on fire, and give a 
louder explosion to the thunder-cloud ; to compare the whistling of the winds 
to the factions of a populace, and the rolling of the waves to the shock of con- 
flicting hosts ; with other such old-fashioned phraseologies as have been heir- 
looms of Parnassus from time immemorial. But it is useless to be poetical 
without invention. Suffice it therefore to say, in slang metaphor, that the 
storm was a devil of a storm, and obliged us to stand in for the point of Ca- 
brera. This is a desert island, with a small fort, at that time garrisoned by an 
officer and five or six soldiers. Our reception was hospitable and cordial. . 

As it was necessary for us to stay there some days, for the purpose of refit; 
ting our sails and rigging, we devised various kinds of amusements to keep off 
the foul fiend, melancholy. Every one did as seemed good in his own eyes : 
some played at cards, others diverted themselves in other ways ; but as for me, 
I went about exploring the island, with such of our gentry as had either a cu- 
riosity or a taste for the picturesque. We were frequently obliged to clamber 
from rock to rock ; for the face of the country is rugged, and the soil scanty, 
presenting a scene difficult of access, but interesting from its wildness. One 
day, while we were speculating on these dry and barren prospects, and extract- 
ing a moral from the vagaries of nature, who can swell into the fruitful mother 
and the copious nurse, or shrink into the lean and loathsome skeleton as she 
pleases, our sense was all at once regaled with a most delicious fragrance. We 
turned as with a common impulse towards the east, whence the scented gale 



1 82 GIL BLAS. 



seemed to come. To our utter astonishment, we discovered among the rocks a 
green plat of considerable dimensions, gay with honeysuckles more luxuriant 
and more odorous than even those which thrive so greatly in the climate of 
Andalusia. We were not sorry to approach nearer these delicious shrubs, 
which were wasting their sweetness in such unchecked profusion, when it 
turned out that they lined the entrance of a veiy deep cavern. The opening 
was wide, and the recess in consequence partially illuminated. We were de- 
termined to explore ; and descended by some stone steps overgrown with 
flowers on each side, so that it was difficult to say whether the approach was 
formed by art or nature. When we had got down, we saw several little 
streams winding over a sand, the yellow lustre of which outrivalled gold. 
These drew their sources from the continual distillations of the rock within, 
and lost themselves again in the hollows of the ground. The water looked so 
clear, that we were tempted to drink of it ; and such was its freshness, that we 
made a party to return the next day, with some bottles of generous wine, which 
we were persuaded would acquire new zest from the retreat where they were to 
be quaffed. 

It was not without regret that we left so agreeable a place : nor did we omit, 
on our return to the fort, boasting among our comrades of so interesting a dis- 
covery. The commander of the fortress, however, with the warmest profes- 
sions of friendship, warned us against going any more to the cavern, with 
which we were so much delighted. And why so ? said I, is there anything to 
be afraid of? Most undoubtedly, answered he. The corsairs of Algiers and 
Tripoli sometimes land upon this island, for the purpose of watering at that 
spring. One day they surprised two soldiers of my garrison there, whom they 
carried into slavery. It was in vain that the officer assumed a tone of kind 
dissuasion ; nothing could prevent us from going. We fancied that he meant 
to play upon our fears ; and the day following I returned to the cavern with 
three adventurous blades of our establishment. We were even fool-hardy 
enough to leave our fire-arms behind as a sort of bravado. Young Moi-alez 
declined being of the party : the fort and the gaming-table had more charms 
for him, as well as for his brother. 

We went down to the bottom of the cave, as on the preceding day, and set 
some bottles of the wine we had brought with us to cool in the rivulets. While 
we were enjoying them in all the luxury of elegant conviviality, our wits set in 
motion by the novelty of the scene, and the echo reverberating to the music of 
our guitars, we espied at the mouth of the cavern several abominable faces 
overgrown with whiskers ; neither did their turbans and Turkish dresses render 
them a whit more amiable in our conceits. We nevertheless took it into our 
heads that it was a frolic of our own party, set on by the commanding officer of 
the fort, and that they had disguised themselves for the purpose of playing us 
a trick. With this impression on our minds, we set up a horse-laugh, and 
allowed a quiet entrance to about ten, without thinking of making any resist- 
ance. In a few moments our eyes were opened to that fatal error, and we 
were convinced, in sober sadness, that it was a corsair at the head of his crew, 
come to carry us away. Surrender, you Christian dogs, cried he in most out- 
landish Castilian, or prepare for instant death. At the same time the men who 
accompanied him levelled their pieces at us, and our ribs would have been well 
lined with the contents, if we had resisted in the least. Slavery seemed the 
better alternative than death, so that we delivered our swords to the pirate. 
He ordered us to be handcuffed and carried on board his vessel, which was 
moored not far off; then, setting sail, he steered with a fair wind towards 
Algiers. 

Thus were we punished for having neglected the warning given us by the 



HISTORY OF DON RAPHAEL. 



officer of the garrison. The first thing the corsair did was to put his hand into 
our pockets and make free with our money. No bad windfall for him ! The 
two hundred pistoles from the greenhorns at Placentia ; the hundred which 
Moralez had received from Jerome de Moyadas, and which, as ill luck would 
have it, were in my custody ; all this was swept away without a single qualm 
of conscience. My companions too had their purses well lined ; and it was all 
fish that came to the net. The pirate seemed to chuckle at so successful a 
drag ; and the scoundrel, not contented with chousing us of our cash, insulted 
us with his infernal Moorish witticisms : but the edge of his satire was not half 
so keen as the dire necessity which made ixs the subject of it. After a thousand 
clumsy sarcasms, he called for the bottles which we had set to cool in the 
fountain ; those irreligious Mahometans not having scrupled to load their con- 
sciences with the conveyance of the unholy fermentation. The master and his 
man pledged one another in many a Christian bumper, and drank to our 
better acquaintance with a most provoking mockery. 

While this farce was acting, my comrades wore a hanging look, which testi- 
fied how pleasantly their thoughts were employed. They were so much the 
more out of conceit with their captivity, as they thought they had drawn a 
prize in the lottery of human life. The island of Majorca, with all its luxuries 
and delights, was a melancholy contrast with their present situation. For my 
part, I had the good sense to take things as I found them. Less put out of my 
way by my misfortune than the rest, I joined in conversation with this trans- 
marine joker, and shewed him that wit was the common language of Africa 
and of Europe. He was pleased with my accommodating spirit. Young man, 
said he, instead of groaning and sighing, you do well to arm yourself with 
patience, and to fall in with the current of your destiny. Play us a little air, 
continued he, observing that I had a guitar by my side ; let us have a specimen 
of your skill. I complied with his command, as soon as my arms were loosened 
from their confinement, and began to thrum away in a style that drew down 
the applauses of my discerning audience. It is true that I had been taught by 
the best master in Madrid, and that I played very tolerably for an amateur upon 
that instrument. A song was then called for, and my voice gave equal satis- 
faction. All the Turks on board testified by gestures of admiration the delight 
with which my performance inspired them ; from which circumstance it was 
but modest to conclude, that vocal music had made no very extraordinary 
progress in their part of the world. The pirate whispered in my ear, that my 
slavery should be no disadvantage to me ; and that with my talents I might 
reckon upon an employment, by which my lot would be rendered not only 
supportable, but happy. 

I felt somewhat encouraged by these assurances ; but flattering as they were, 
I was not without my uneasiness as to the employment, which the corsair held 
out as a nameless, but invaluable boon. When we arrived in the port of Algiers, 
a great number of persons were collected to receive us ; and we had not yet 
disembarked, when they uttered a thousand shouts of joy. Add to this, that 
the air re-echoed with a confused sound of trumpets, of Moorish flutes, and of 
other instruments, the fashion of that country, forming a symphony of deafening 
clangour, but very doubtful harmony. The occasion of these rejoicings pro- 
ceeded from a false report, which had been current about the town. It had 
been the general talk that the renegado Mahomet, meaning our amiable pirate, 
had lost his life in the attack of a large Genoese vessel ; so that all his friends, 
informed of his return, were eager to hail him with these thundering demonstra- 
tions of attachment. 

We had no sooner set foot on shore, than my companions and myself were 
conducted to the palace of the bashaw Soliman, where a Christian secretary, 



1 84 GIL BLAS. 



questioning us individually one after another, inquired into our names, our 
ages, our country, our religion, and our qualifications. Then Mahomet, pre- 
senting me to the bashaw, paid my voice more compliments than it deserved, and 
told him that I played on the guitar with a most ravishing expression. This 
was enough to influence Soliman in his choice of me for his own immediate 
service. I took up my abode therefore in his seraglio. The other captives 
were led into the public market, and sold there at the usual rate of Christian 
cattle. What Mahomet had foretold to me on ship-board was completely veri- 
fied ; my condition was exactly to my mind. I was not consigned to the strong- 
hold of a prison, nor kept to any works of oppressive labour. My indulgent 
master stationed me in a particular quarter, with five or six slaves of superior 
rank, who were in momentary expectation of being ransomed, and were there- 
fore favoured in the distribution of our tasks. The care of watering the orange- 
trees and flowers in the gardens was allotted as my portion. There could not 
be a more agreeable or less fatiguing employment. 

Soliman was a man about forty years of age, Avell made as to figure, tolerably 
accomplished as to his mind, and as much of a lady's man as could be expected 
from a Turk. His favourite was a Cashmirian, whose wit and beauty had 
acquired an absolute dominion over his affections. He loved her even to 
idolatry. Not a day but he paid his court to her by some elegant entertain- 
ment ; at one time a concert of vocal and instrumental music, at another, a 
dramatic performance after the fashion of the Turks, which fashion implies 
a loose sort of comedy, where moral and modesty enter about as much into 
the contemplation of the contriver, as do Aristotle and his unities. The 
favourite, whose name was Farrukhnaz, was passionately enamoured of these 
exhibitions ; she sometimes even got up among her own women some Arabian 
melodrames to be performed before her admirer. She took some of the parts 
herself, and charmed the spectators by the abundant grace and vivacity of her 
action. One day when I was among the musicians at one of these representa- 
tions, Soliman ordered me to play on the guitar, and to sing a solo between 
the acts of the piece. I had the good fortune to give satisfaction, and was 
received with applause. The favourite herself, if my vanity did not mislead me, 
cast glances towards me of no unfavourable interpretation. 

On the next day, as I was watering the orange-trees in the gardens, there 
passed close by me an eunuch, who, without stopping or saying a word, threw 
down a note at my feet. I picked it up with an emotion, strangely compounded 
of pleasure and alarm. I crouched upon the ground, for fear of being observed 
from the windows of the seraglio ; and, concealing myself behind the boxes in 
which the orange-trees were planted, opened this unexpected enclosure. There 
I found a diamond of very considerable value, and these words, in genuine 
Castilian : "Young Christian, return thanks to heaven for your captivity. 
Love and fortune will render it the harbinger of your bliss : love, if you are 
alive to the attractions of a fine person, and fortune, if you have the hardihood 
to confront danger in every direction." 

I could not for a moment doubt that the letter was written by the favourite 
sultana ; the style and the diamond were more than presumptive evidence 
against her. Besides that nature did not cast me in the mould of a coward, the 
vanity of keeping up a good understanding with the mistress of a scoundrelly 
Mahometan in office, and, more than all the temptations of vanity or inclination, 
the hope of cajoling her out of four times as much as the curmudgeon her mas- 
ter would demand for my ransom, put me into conceit with the intention of try- 
ing my luck at a venture, whatever risk might be incurred in the experiment. 
I went on with my gardening, but always harping on the means of getting into 
the apartment of Farrukhnaz, or rather waiting till she opened a door of com- 



HISTORY OF DON RAPHAEL. 185 

munication ; for I was clearly of opinion that she would not stop upon the 
threshold, but meet me half way in the career of love and danger. My con- 
jecture was not altogether without foundation. The same eunuch who had 
led me into this amorous reverie passed the same way an hour afterwards, and 
said to me : Christian, have you communed with your own determinations, 
and will you win a fair lady, by abjuring a faint heart ? I answered in the 
affirmative. Well, then, rejoined he, heaven sprinkle its dew upon your resolu- 
tions ! You shall see me betimes to-morrow morning. With this comfortable 
assurance, he withdrew. The following day, I actually saw him make his ap- 
pearance about eight o'clock in the morning. He made a signal for me to go 
along with him : I obeyed the summons ; and he conducted me into a hall 
where was a large wrapper of canvas which he and another eunuch had just 
brought thither, with the design of carrying it to the sultana's apartment, for the 
purpose of furnishing a scene for an Arabian pantomime, in preparation for the 
amusement of the bashaw. 

The two eunuchs unrolled the cloth, and laid me at my length on the pro- 
scenium ; then, at the risk of turning the farce into a tragedy by stifling me, 
they rolled it up again, with its palpitating contents. In the next place, taking 
hold of it at each end, they conveyed me with impunity by this device into the 
chamber devoted to the repose of the beautiful Cashmirian. She was alone 
with an old slave devoted to her wishes. They helped each other to unroll their 
precious bale of goods ; and Farrukhnaz, at the sight of her consignment, set 
up such an alarm of delight, as exhibited the woman of the East, without for- 
getting her prurient propensities. With all my natural bias towards adventure, 
I could not recognize myself as at once transported into the private apartment 
of the women, without something like an inauspicious damp upon my joy. The 
lady was aware of my feelings, and anxious to dissipate the unpleasant part of 
them, Young man, said she, you have nothing to fear. Soliman is just gone to 
his country-house : he is safely lodged for the day ; so that we shall be able to 
entertain one another here at our ease. 

Hints like these rallied my scattered spirits, and gave a cast to my counte- 
nance which confirmed the speculation of the favourite. You have won my 
heart, pursued she, and it is in my contemplation to soften the severity of your 
bondage. You seem to be worthy of the sentiments which I have conceived for 
you. Though disguised under the garb of a slave, your air is noble, and your 
physiognomy of a character to recommend you to the good graces of a lady. 
Such an exterior must belong to one above the common. Unbosom yourself to 
me in confidence ; tell me who you are. I know that captives of superior con- 
dition and family disguise their real circumstances, to be redeemed at a lower 
rate ; but you have no inducement to practise such a deception on me ; and it 
would even be a precaution revolting to my designs in your favour, since I here 
pledge myself for your liberty. Deal with sincerity, therefore, and own to me 
at once that you are a youth of illustrious rank. In good earnest then, madam, 
answered I, it would ill become me to repay your generous partiality with dis- 
simulation. You are absolutely bent upon it, that I should entrust you with the 
secret of my quality, and commands like yours are not to be questioned or re- 
sisted. I am the son of a Spanish grandee. And so it might actually have 
been, for anything that I know to the contrary ; at all events, the sultana gave 
me credit for it, so that with considerable self-congratulation, at having fixed 
her regard on a gentleman of some little figure in the world, she assured me 
that it only depended on herself, whether or no we should meet pretty often in 
private. In fact, we were no niggards of our mutual good-will at the very first 
approaches. I never met with a woman who was more what a man wishes her 
to be. She was besides an expert linguist, above all in Castilian, which she 



1 86 GIL BLAS. 



spoke with fluency and purity. When she conceived it to be time for us to part, 
I got by her order into a large osier basket, with an embroidered silk covering 
of her own manufacture ; then the two slaves who had brought me in were called, 
to carry me out as a present from the favourite to her deluded lord ; for under 
this pretence it is easy to screen any amorous exports from the inspection of the 
officers entrusted with the superintendence of the women. 

As for Farrukhnaz and myself, we were not slack in other devices to bring us 
together ; and that lovely captive inspired me by degrees with as much love as 
she herself entertained for me. pur good understanding was kept a profound 
secret for full two months, notwithstanding the extreme difficulty in a seraglio 
of veiling the mysteries of love lor any length of time from those uninitiated, 
whose eyes are jaundiced by theikQfwn disqualification. Neither was the dis- 
covery made at last by the meajjs of envious spies. An unlucky chance dis- 
concerted all our little arrangements, and the features of my fortune were at 
once aggravated into a frown. <5ne day when I had been introduced into the 
presence of the sultana, in the body of an artificial dragon, invented as a machine 
for a spectacle, while we were parleying most amicably together, Soliman, to whom 
we had given credit for having gone out of town, made his unwelcome appear- 
ance. He entered so abruptly into his favourite's apartment, as scarcely to leave 
time for the old slave to give us notice of his approach. Still less was there any 
opportunity to conceal me. Thus therefore, with all my enormities on my head, 
was I the first object which presented itself to the astonished eyes of the bashaw. 
He seemed considerably startled at the sight ; and his countenance flashed 
with indignation on the instant. I considered myself as a wretch just hovering 
on the brink of the grave ; and death seemed arrayed in all the paraphernalia 
of torture. As for Farrukhnaz, it was very evident, in good truth, that she was 
miserably frightened ; but instead of owning her crime and imploring pardon, 
she said to Soliman : My lord, before you pronounce my sentence, be pleased 
to hear my defence. Appearances, doubtless, condemn me ; and it must strike 
you that I have committed an act of treason, worthy the most dreadful punish- 
ments. It is true, I have brought this young captive hither ; it is true that I 
have introduced him into my apartment, with just such artifices as I should have 
used if I had entertained a violent passion for him. And yet, I call our great 
prophet to witness, in spite of these seeming irregularities, I am not faithless to 
you. It was my wish to converse with this Christian slave, for the purpose of 
disengaging him from his own sect, and proselyting him to that of the true be- 
lievers. But I have found in him a principle of resistance for which I was not 
well prepared. I have, however, conquered his prejudices ; and he came to 
give me an assurance that he would embrace Mahometanism. 

I do not mean to deny that it was an act of duty to have contradicted the 
favourite flatly, without paying the least attention to the dangerous predicament 
in which I stood : but my spirits were taken by surprise ; the beloved partner 
of my imprudence was hovering on the brink of perdition ; and my own fate 
was involved with hers. How could I do otherwise than give a silent and per- 
turbed assent to her impious fiction ? My tongue, indeed, refused to ratify it ; 
but the bashaw, persuaded by my acquiescence that his mistress had told him 
the whole truth and nothing but the truth, suffered his angry spirit to be tran- 
quillized. Madam, answered he, I am willing to believe that you have com- 
mitted no infidelity towards me ; and that the desire of doing a thing agreeable 
to the prophet has been the means of leading you on to risk so hazardous and 
delicate a proceeding. I forgive, therefore, your imprudence, on condition that 
this captive assumes the turban on the spot. He sent immediately for a priest* 

* These wandering priests are at present known in Africa by the name of 



HIS TOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 187 

to initiate me. My dress was changed with all due ceremony into the Turkish. 
They did just what they pleased with me ; nor had I the courage to object : 
or, to do myself more justice, I knew not what was becoming of me, in so dreadful 
a disorder of all my faculties and feelings. / There are other good Christians in 
the world, who have been guilty of apostatizing on less imminent emergencies | 

After the ceremony, I took my leave of the seraglio, to go and possess myself, 
under the name of Sidy Hali, of an inferior office which Soliman had given 
me. I never saw the sultana more ; but an eunuch of hers came one day to 
look after me. He brought with him, as a present from his mistress, jewels to 
a very considerable amount, accompanied with a letter, in which the lady assured 
me she should never forget my generous compliance, in turning Mahometan to 
save her life. In point of fact, besides these rich gifts, lavished upon me by 
Farrukhnaz, I obtained through her interest a more considerable employment 
than my first, and in the course of six or seven years became one of the richest 
renegadoes in the town of Algiers. 

You must be perfectly aware, that if I assisted at the prayers put up by the 
Mussulmen in their mosques, or fulfilled the other observances of their religion, 
it was all a mere copy of my countenance. My inclination was always uniform 
and determined, as to returning before my death into the bosom of our holy 
church ; and with this view I looked forward to withdrawing some time or 
other into Spain or Italy with the riches I should have accumulated. But there 
seemed no reason whatever against enjoying life in the interval. I was estab- 
lished in a magnificent mansion, with gardens of extent and beauty, a numerous 
train of slaves, and a well-appointed equipage of pretty girls in my seraglio. 
Though the Mahometans are forbidden the use of wine in that country, they 
are not backward for the most part in their stolen libations. As for me, my 
orgies were without either a mask or a blush, after the manner of my brother 
renegadoes. I remember in particular two of my bottle companions, with 
whom I often drank down the night before we rose from table. One was a 
Jew, and the other an Arabian. I took them to be good sort of people ; and, 
with that impression, lived in unconstrained familiarity with them. One even- 
ing I invited them to sup at my house. On that very day a dog of mine died 
— it was a pet ; we performed our pious ablutions on his lifeless clay, and buried 
him with all the solemn obsequies attendant on a Mahometan funeral. This 
act of ours was not designed to turn the religion we outwardly professed into 
ridicule ; it was only to furnish ourselves with amusement, and give loose to a 
ludicrous whim which struck us in the moment of jollity, that of paying the 
last offices of humanity to my dog. 

This action was, however, very near laying me by the heels. On the follow- 
ing day there came a fellow to my house, saying, Master Sidy Hali, it is no 
laughing matter that induces me to pay you this visit. My employer, the cadi, 
wants to have a word in your ear ; be so good, if you please, as just to step to 
his office, without loss of time. An Arabian merchant, who supped with you 
last night, has laid an information respecting a certain act of irreverence perpe- 
trated by you, on occasion of a dog which you buried. It is on that charge that 
I summon you to appear this day before the judge ; and in case of failure, you 
are hereby warned that you will be the subject of a criminal prosecution. Away 
went he, leaving me to digest his discourse ; but the citation stuck in my throat, 
and took away my appetite. The Arabian had no reason whatever to set his 
face against me ; and I could not comprehend the meaning of the dog's trick 
the scoundrel had played me. The circumstance at all events demanded my 

Marabut. The first gymnosophists of Ethiopia most probably were nothing 
more. — Translator. 



GIL BLAS. 



prompt attention. I knew the cadi's character : a saint on the outside, but a 
sinner in his heart. Away went I therefore to wait on this judge, but not with 
empty pockets. He sent for me into his private room, and began upon me in 
all the vehemence of pious indignation : You are a fellow rejected out of para- 
dise ! a blasphemer of our holy law ! a man loathsome and abominable to 
look upon ! You have performed the funeral service of a Mussulman over a 
dog. What an act of sacrilege ! Is it thus, then, that you reverence our most 
holy ceremonies ? Have you only turned Mahometan to laugh at our devotions 
and our rites ? My honoured master, answered I, the Arabian who has told 
you such a cock-and-bull story is a wolf in sheep's clothing ; and more than 
that, he is even an accomplice in my crime, if it is one, to grant such rest as to 
peace-parted souls to a faithful household servant, to an animal v/ith more good 
qualities than half the two-legged Mahometans out of Christendom. His 
attachment besides to people of merit and consideration in the world was at 
once moral and sensible ; and at his death he left several little tokens of remem- 
brance to his friends. By his last will and testament, he bequeathed his effects 
in the manner therein mentioned, and did me the honour to name me for his 
executor. This old crony came in for twenty crowns, that for thirty, and 
another for a cool hundred ; but your worship is interested deeply in this instru- 
ment, pursued I, drawing out my purse ; he has left you residuary legatee, 
and here is the amount of the bequest. The cadi's gravity could not but relax, 
after the posthumous kindness of his deceased friend ; and he laughed outright 
in the face of the mock executor. As we were alone, there was no occasion 
to make wry mouths at the purse, and my acquittal was pronounced in these 
words : Go, Master Sidy Hali ; it was a very pious act of yours, to enlarge 
the obsequies of a dog, who had so manly a fellow-feeling for honest folks. 

By this device I got out of the scrape ; and if the hint did not increase my 
religion, it doubled my circumspection. I was determined no longer to open 
either my cellar or my soul in presence of Arabian or Jew. My bottle com- 
panion henceforward was a young gentleman from Leghorn, who had the 
happiness of being my slave. His name was Azarini. I was of another kidney 
from renegadoes in general, who impose greater hardships on their Christian 
slaves than do the Turks themselves. All my captives waited for the period 
of their ransom, without any impatient hankering after home. My behaviour 
to them was, in truth, so gentle and fatherly, that many of them assured me 
they were more afraid of changing their master than anxious after their liberty ; 
Avhatever magic that word may have to the ears of those who have felt what it 
is to be deprived of it. 

One day the bashaw's corsairs came into port with considerable prizes. 
Their cargo amounted to more than a hundred slaves of either sex, carried off 
from the Spanish coast. Soliman retained but a very small number, and all 
the rest were sold. I happened to go to market, and bought a Spanish girl, 
ten or twelve years old. She cried as if her heart would break, and looked the 
picture of despair. It seemed strange, that at her age slavery should make such 
an impression on her. I told her, in Castilian, to combat with her terrors : and 
assured her that she was fallen into the hands of a master who had not put off 
humanity when he took up the turban. The little mourner, not initiated in the 
trade of grief, pursued the subject of her lamentations without listening to me. 
Her whole soul seemed to be breathed in her sighs ; she descanted on her wretch- 
ed fate, and exclaimed from time to time in softened accents : O my mother, 
why were we ever parted ? I could bear my lot with patience, might we share 
it together. With these lamentations on her lips, she turned round towards a 
woman of from five-and-forty to fifty, standing at the distance of several paces, 
and waiting with her eyes fixed to the ground, in a determined, sullen silence, 



HISTORY OF DON RAPHAEL. 



till she met with a purchaser. I asked my young bargain if the lady she was 
looking at was her mother. Alas ! she is, indeed, sir, replied the girl ; for the 
love of God, do not let me be parted from her. Well, then, my distressed little 
damsel, said I, if it will give you any pleasure, there is no more to do than to 
settle you both in the same quarters, and then you will give over your murmur- 
ing. On the very moment I went up to the mother, with the intention of cheap- 
ening her ; but no sooner did I cast my eyes on her face, than I knew again, 
with what emotion you may guess ! the very form and pressure of Lucinda. 
Just heaven ! said I within myself, this is my mother ! Nature whispers it in 
my ear, and can I doubt her evidence ? On her part, whether a keen resent- 
ment of her woes pointed out an enemy in every object on which she glanced, 
or else it might be my dress that disfigured me ; .... or else I might have grown 
a little older in about a dozen years since she had seen me .... but however 
historians may account for it, she did not know me. But I knew her, and 
bought her : the pair were sent home to my house. 

When they were safely lodged, I wished to surprise them with the pleasure 
of ascertaining who I was. Madam, said I to Lucinda, is it possible that my 
features should not strike you ? 'Tis true, I wear whiskers and a turban : but 
is Raphael less your son for that ? My mother thrilled through all her frame 
at these words, looked at me with an eager gaze, my whole self rushed into her 
recollection, and into each other's arms we affectionately flew. I then caressed, 
in moderated ecstasies, her daughter, who perhaps knew as much about having 
a brother as I did about having a sister. Tell the truth, said I to my mother ; 
in all your theatrical discoveries, did you ever meet with one so truly natural 
and dramatic as this ? My dear son, answered she, in an accent of sorrow, the 
first sight of you after so long a separation overwhelmed me with joy, but the 
revulsion was only the more deeply distressing. In what condition, alas ! do I 
again behold you V My own slavery is a thousand times less revolting to my 

feelings than the disgraceful habiliments Heyday ! By all the powers, 

madam, interrupted I with a hearty laugh, I am quite delighted with your 
newly-acquired morality : this is excellent in an actress. Well ! well ! as 
heaven is my judge, my honoured mamma, you are mightily improved in your 
principles, if my transformation astounds your religious eyesight. So far from 
quarrelling with your turban, consider me rather as an actor, playing a Turkish 
character on the stage of the world. Though a conformist, I am just as much 
a Mussulman as when I was in Spain ; nay, in the bottom of my heart, I never 
was a more firm believer in our Christian creed than at the present moment. 
When you shall become acquainted with all my hair-breadth escapes, since I 
have been domesticated in this country, you will not be rigorous in your censure. 
Love has been the cause of my apostasy, and he who worships at that shrine 
may be absolved from all other infidelities. I have a little of my mother in 
me, take my word for it. Another reason besides ought to moderate your dis- 
gust at seeing me under my present circumstances. You were expecting to ex- 
perience a harsh captivity in Algiers, but you find in your protector a son, with 
all the tenderness and reverence befitting his relation to you, and rich enough to 
maintain you here in plenty and comfort, till a favourable opportunity offers of 
returning with safety into Spain. Admit, therefore, the force of the proverb, 
which says that evil itself is good for something. 

My dear son, said Lucinda, since you fully intend one day to go back into 
your own country, and to throw off the mantle of Mahomet, my scruples are all 
satisfied. Thanks to heaven, continued she, I shall be able to carry back your 
sister Beatrice safe and sound into Castile. Yes, madam, exclaimed I, so you 
may. We will all three, as soon as the season may serve, go and throw our- 
selves into the bosom of our family : for I make no matter of doubt but you 



90 GIL BLAS. 



have still in Spain other indisputable evidences of your prolific powers. No, 
said my mother, I have only you two, the offspring of my body ; and you are to 
know that Beatrice is the fruit of a marriage, manufactured in as workmanlike 
a manner as any within the pale of the church. And pray, for what reason, 
replied I, might not my little sister have been just as contraband as myself? 
How did you ever work yourself up to the formidable resolution of marrying ? 
I have heard you say a hundred times, in my childhood, that there was no bene- 
fit of clergy for a pretty woman who could commit such an offence as to take 
up with a husband. Times and seasons ebb and flow, my son, rejoined she. 
Men of the most resolute character may be shaken in their purposes : and do 
you require that a woman should be inflexible in hers ? But I will now relate 
to you the story of my life since your departure from Madrid. She then began 
the following recital, which will never be obliterated from my memory. I will 
not withhold from you so curious a narrative. 

It is nearly thirteen years, if you recollect, said my mother, since you left 
young Leganez. Just at that time, the Duke of Medina Celi told me that he 
had a mind to sup with me one evening in private. The day was fixed. I 
made preparations for his reception : he came, and I pleased him. He required 
from me the sacrifice of all his rivals, past, present, and to come. I came into 
his terms, in the hope of being well paid for my complaisance. There was no 
deficiency on that score. On the very next morning, I received presents from 
him, which were followed up by a long train of kindred attentions. I was afraid 
of not being able to hold in my chains a man of his exalted rank : and this ap- 
prehension was the better founded, because it was a matter of notoriety, that he 
had escaped from the clutches of several celebrated beauties, whose chains he 
had worn, only for the purpose of breaking. But for all that, so far from sur- 
feiting on the relish of my kindness, his appetite grew by what it fed on. In 
short, I found out the secret of entertaining him, and impounding his heart, 
naturally roving, so that it should not go astray according to its usual volatility. 

He had now been my admirer for three months, and I had every reason to 
flatter myself that the arrangement would be lasting, when a lady of my ac- 
quaintance and myself happened to go to an assembly, where the duchess .his 
wife was of the party. We were invited to a concert of vocal and instrumental 
music. We accidentally seated ourselves too near the duchess, who took it 
into her head to be affronted, that I should exhibit my person in a place where 
she was. She sent me word by one of her women, that she should take it as a 
favour if I would quit the room immediately. I sent back an answer, just 
as saucy as the message. The duchess, irritated to fury, laid her wrongs before 
her husband, who came to me in person, and said : Retire, Lucinda. Though 
noblemen of the first rank attach themselves to pretty playthings like yourself, 
it is highly unbecoming in you to forget your proper distance. If we love you 
better than our wives, we honour our wives more than you : whenever, there- 
fore, your insolence shall go so far as to set yourselves up for their rivals under 
their very noses, you will always be mortified, and made to know your places. 

Fortunately the duke held his cruel language to me in so low a tone of voice 
as not to have been overheard by the people about us. I withdrew in deep 
confusion, and cried with vexation at having incurred such an affront. At 
once, to crown my shame and aggravate my chastisement, the actors and ac- 
tresses got hold of the story on the very same evening. To do them justice, 
these gentry must contrive to entertain a familiar spirit, whose business is to fly 
about, and whisper in the ear of one whatever falls out amiss to the other. 
Suppose, for instance, that an actor gets drunk and makes a fool of himself, or 
an actress gets hold of a rich cully and makes a fool of him ! The green-rocm 
is sure to ring with all the particulars, and a few more than are true. All my 



HISTOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 191 

kindred of the sock and buskin were informed at once of what had happened 
at the concert, and a blessed life they led me with their quips and quiddities. 
Never was there charity like theirs. Without beginning at home, heaven only 
knows where it ends ! But I held myself too high to be affected by their jibes 
and jeers : nor did even the loss of the Duke de Medina Celi hang heavy on 
my spirits ; for true it was, I never saw him more at my toilette, but learned, a 
veiy short time after, that he had got into the trammels of a little warbler. 

When a theatrical lady has the good luck to be in fashion, she may change 
her lover as often as her petticoat : and one noble fool, should he even recover 
his wits at the end of three days, serves excellently well for a decoy to his suc- 
cessor. No sooner was it buzzed about Madrid, that the duke had raised the 
siege, than a new host of would-be conquerors appeared before the trenches. 
The very rivals whom I had sacrificed to his wishes, looking at my charms 
through the magnifying medium of delay and disappointment, came back 
again in crowds to encounter new caprices ; to say nothing of a thousand fresh 
hearts, ready to bargain on the mere report of my being to let. I had never 
been so exclusively the mode. Of all the men who put in for being cajoled by 
me, a portly German, belonging to the Duke of Ossuna's household, seemed to 
bid highest. Not that his personal attractions were by any means the most 
catching ; but then there were a thousand amiable pistoles on the list of candi- 
dates, scraped together by perquisites in his master's service, and turned adrift 
with the prodigality of a prince, in the hope of becoming my favoured lover. 
This fat pigeon to be plucked was by name Bratandorf. As long as his pockets 
were lined, his reception was warm : empty purses meet, with fastened doors. 
The principles on which my friendship rested were not altogether to his taste. 
He came to the play to look after me during the performance. I was behind 
the scenes. It was his humour to load me with reproaches ; it was mine to 
laugh in his face. This provoked his boorish wrath, and he gave me a box on 
the ear, like a clumsy-fisted German as he was. I set tip a loud scream : the 
business of the stage was suspended. I came forward to the front, and, ad- 
dressing the Duke of Ossuna, who was at the play on that occasion with his 
lady duchess, begged his protection from the German gallantry of his establish- 
ment. The duke gave orders for our proceeding with the piece, and intimated 
that he would hear the parties after the curtain had dropped. At the conclu- 
sion of the play I presented myself in all the dreary pomp of tragedy before the 
duke, and laid open my griefs in all the majesty of woe. As for my German 
pugilist, his defence was on a level with his provocation ; so far from being 
sorry for what he had done, his fingers itched to give me another dressing. 
The cause being heard pro and con, the Duke of Ossuna said to his Scandina- 
vian savage : Brutandorf, I dismiss you from my service, and beg never to see 
anything more of you, not because you have given a box on the ear to an 
actress, but for your failure in respect to your master and mistress, in having 
presumed to interrupt the progress of the play in their presence. 

This decision was a bitter pill for me to swallow. It was high treason 
against my histrionic majesty, that the German was not turned off on the 
ground of having insulted me. It seemed difficult to conceive the possibility 
of a greater crime than that of insulting a principal actress : and where crimes 
are parallel, punishments should tally. The retribution in this case would 
have been exemplary ; and I expected no less. This unpleasant occurrence 
undeceived me, and proved, to my mortification, that the public distinguished 
between the actors and the personages they may chance to enact. On this 
conviction, my pride revolted at the theatre : I resolved to give up my en- 
gagements to go and live at a distance from Madrid. I fixed on the city of 
Valencia for the place of my retreat, and went thither under a feigned chaiv 



192 GIL BLAS. 



acter, with a property of twenty thousand ducats in money and jewels : a sum 
in my mind more than sufficient to maintain me for the remainder of my days, 
since it was my purpose to lead a retired life. I rented a small house at Va- 
lencia, and limited my establishment to a female servant and a page, who were 
as ignorant of my birth, parentage, and education, as the rest of the town. I 
gave myself out for the widow of an officer belonging to the king's household, 
and intimated that I had made choice of Valencia for my residence, on the 
report that it was one of the most agreeable neighbourhoods in Spain. I saw 
very little company, and maintained so reserved a deportment, that there 
never was the slightest suspicion of my having been an actress. Yet, not- 
withstanding all the pains I took to hide myself from the garish eye of day, I 
had worse success against the piercing ken of a gentleman, who had a country 
seat near Paterna. He was of an ancient family, in person genteel and manly, 
from five-and-thirty to forty years of age, nobly connected, but scandalously in 
debt ; a contradiction in the vocabulary of honour, neither more unaccountable 
nor uncommon in the kingdom of Valencia, than what takes place every day 
in other parts of the civilized world. 

This gentleman of a generation or two before the present, finding my person 
to his liking, was desirous of knowing if in other respects I was a commodity 
for his market. He set every engine at work to inquire into the most minute 
particulars, and had the pleasure to learn from general report, that I was a 
warm widow with a comfortable jointure, and a person little, if anything, the 
worse for wear. It struck him that this was just the match ; so that in a very 
short time an old lady came to my house, telling me, from him, that with equal 
admiration of my virtues and my charms, he laid himself and his fortune at my 
feet, and was ready to lead me to the altar, if I could condescend so far as to 
become his wife. I required three days to make up my mind on the subject. 
In this interval, I made inquiries about the gentleman ; and hearing a good 
character of him, notwithstanding the deranged state of his finances, it was my 
determination to marry him without more ado, so that the preliminaries were 
soon ratified by a definitive treaty. 

Don Manuel de Xerica, for that was my husband's name, took me immediately 
after the ceremony to his castle, which had an air of antiquity highly flattering 
to his family pride. He told a story about one of his ancestors who built it in 
days of yore, and because it was not founded the day before yesterday, jumped 
to a conclusion that there was not a more ancient house in Spain than that of 
Xerica. But nobility, like perishable merchandise, will run to decay ; the 
castle, shored up on this side and on that, was in the very agony of tumbling 
to pieces : what a buttress for Don Manuel and for his old walls was his mar- 
riage with me ! More than half my savings were laid out on repairs ; and the 
residue was wanted to set us going in a genteel style among our country neigh- 
bours. Behold me, then, you who c«.n believe it, landed on a new planet, 
transformed into the presiding genius of a castle, the Lady Bountiful of my 
parish : our stage machinery could never have furnished such a change ! I was 
too good an actress not to have supported my new rank and dignity with ap- 
propriate grace. I assumed high airs, theatrical grandeurs, a most dignified 
strut and demeanour ; all which made the bumpkins conceive a wonderful idea 
of my exalted origin. How would they not have tickled their fancies at my 
expense, had they- known the real truth of the case ! The gentry of the 
neighbourhood would have scoffed at me most unmercifully, and the country 
people would have been much more chary of the respect they shewed me. 

It was now near six years that I had lived very happily with Don Manuel, 
when he ended ways, means, and life together. My legacy consisted of a broken 
fortune to splice, and your sister Beatrice, then more than four years old, to 



HIS TOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 1 93 

maintain. The castle, which was our only tangible resource, was unfortunately 
mortgaged to several creditors, the principal of whom was one Bernard Astuto. 
Cunning by name, and cunning by nature ! He practised as an attorney at 
Valencia, and bore his faculties in all the infamy of pettifogging ; law and equity 
conspired in his person to push the trade of cozening and swindling to the ut- 
most extremity. To think of falling into the clutches of such a creditor ! A 
gentleman's property under the gripe of such a claw as this attorney's affords 
much the same sport as a lamb to a wolf, or a dove to a kite. Nearly after the 
fashion of these beasts and birds of prey, did Signor Astuto, when informed of 
my husband's death, hover over his victim, concealing his fell purpose under the 
ambush of the law. The whole estate would have been swallowed up in plead- 
ings, affidavits, demurrers, and rejoinders, but for the light thrown upon the pro- 
ceedings by my lucky star ; under whose influence the plaintiff was turned at 
once into defendant, and was left without a reply to the arguments of these all- 
powerful eyes. I got to the blind side of him in an interview, which I con- 
trived during the progress of our litigation. Nothing was wanting on my part, 
I own it frankly, to fill him brimful of the tender passion ; an ardent longing to 
save my goods, chattels, and domain, made me practise upon him, to my own 
disgust, that system of coquettish tactics and flirtation which had drawn so many 
former fools into an ambuscade. Yet, with all the resources of a veteran, I was 
very near letting the attorney escape. He was so barricaded by mouldy parch- 
ments, so immured in actions and informations, as scarcely to seem susceptible 
of any love but the love of law. The truth, however, was, that this moping 
pettifogger, this porer over ponderous abridgments, this scrawler of acts and 
deeds, had more young blood in him than I was aware of, and a trick of look- 
ing at me out of the corner of his eye. He professed to be a novice in the art 
of courtship. My whole heart and soul, madam, said he, have been wedded 
to my profession ; and the consequence has been, that the uses and customs of 
gallantry have seemed weary, stale, fiat, and unprofitable to me. But though 
not a man of outward show, I am well furnished with the stock in trade of love. 
To come to the point at once, if you can resolve in your mind to many me, we 
will make a grand bonfire of the whole lawsuit ; and I will give the go-by to 
those rascally creditors, who have joined issue with me in our attack upon your 
estate. You shall have the life interest, and your daughter the reversion. So 
good a bargain for Beatrice and myself would not allow of any wavering : I 
closed without delay on the conditions. The attorney kept his word most 
miraculously : he turned short round upon the other creditors, defeated them 
with the very weapons himself had furnished with their joint campaign, and se- 
cured me in the possession of my house and lands. It was probably the first 
time in his life that he had taken up the cause of the widow and the orphan. 

Thus did I become the honoured wife of an attorney, without losing my rank 
as the lady of the manor. But this incongruous marriage ruined me in the. 
esteem of the gentiy about Valencia. The women of quality looked upon me 
as a person who had lowered herself, and refused any longer to visit me. This 
inevitably threw me on the acquaintance of the tradespeople ; a circumstance 
which could not do otherwise than hurt my feelings a little at first, because I had 
been accustomed, for the last six years, to associate only with ladies of the 
higher classes. But it was in vain to fret about it ; and I soon found my level. 
I got most intimately acquainted with the wives of my husband's brethren of the 
quill and brief. Their characters were not a little entertaining. There was an 
absurdity in their manners, which tickled me to the very soul. These trumpery 
fine ladies held themselves up for something far above the common run. Well- 
a-day ! said I to myself, every now and then, when they forgot the blue-bag : 
this is the way of the world ! Every one fancies himself to be something vastly 



194 GIL BLAS. 



superior to his neighbour. I thought we actresses only did not know our places ; 
women at the lower end of private life, as far as I see, are just as absurd in their 
pretensions. I should like, by way of check upon their presumption, to pro- 
pose a law, fhat family pictures and pedigrees should be hung up in every house. 
Were the situation left to the choice of the owner, the deuce is in it if these 
legal gentry would not cram their scrivening ancestors either into the cellar or 
the garret. 

After four years passed in the holy state of wedlock, Signor Bernardo 
d' Astuto fell sick, and went the way of all flesh. We had no family. Between 
my settlement and what I was worth before, I found myself a well-endowed 
widow. I had too the reputation of being so ; and on this report, a Sicilian 
gentleman, by name Colifiehini, determined to stick in my skirts, and either 
ruin or marry me. The alternative was kindly left to my own choice. He was 
come from Palermo to see Spain, and, after having satisfied his curiosity, was 
waiting, as he said, at Valencia for an opportunity of taking his passage back to 
Sicily. The spark was not quite five-and-twenty ; of an elegant, though di- 
minutive person ; .... in short, his figure absolutely haunted me. He found 
the means of getting to the speech of me in private ; and, I will own it to you 
frankly, I fell distractedly in love with him from the moment of our very first in- 
terview. On his part, the little knave flounced over head and ears in admiration 
of my charms. I do really think, God forgive me for it, that we should have 
been married out of hand, if the death of the attorney, whose funeral baked 
meats were scarcely cold enough to have furnished forth the marriage tables, 
would have allowed me to contract a new engagement at so short a warning. 
But since I had got into the matrimonial line, it was necessary that where the 
church makes the feast, the devil should not send cooks ; I therefore took care 
always to season my nuptials to the palate of the world at large. 

Thus did we agree to delay our coming together for a time, out of a tender 
regard to appearances. Colinchini, in the mean time, devoted all his attentions 
to me : his passion, far from languishing, seemed to become more a part of him- 
self from day to day. The poor lad was not too flush of ready money. This 
struck my observation ; and he was no longer at a loss for his little pocket ex- 
penses. Besides being very nearly twice his age, I recollected having laid the 
men under contribution in my younger days ; so that I looked upon what I was 
then lavishing as a sort of restitution, which balanced my debtor and creditor 
account, and made me quits with my conscience. We waited, as patiently as 
our frailty would allow, for the period w T hen widows may in decency so far sur- 
mount their grief as to try their luck again. When the happy morning rose, 
we presented ourselves before the altar, where we plighted our faith to each 
other by oaths the most solemn and binding. We then retired to my castle, 
where I may truly say that we lived for two years, less as husband and wife 
than as tender and unfettered lovers. But alas ! such an union, so happy and 
sentimental, was not long to be the lot of humanity : a pleurisy carried off my 
dear Colinchini. 

At this passage in her history, I interrupted my mother. Heyday ! madam, 
your third husband dispatched already ? You must be a most deadly taking. 
What do you mean ? answered she : is it for me to dispute the will of heaven, 
and lengthen the days parcelled out to every son of earth ? If I have lost three 
husbands, it was none of my fault. Two of them cost me many a salt tear. If 
I buried any with dry eyes, it w T as the attorney. As that was merely a match 
of interest, I was easily reconciled to the loss of him. But to return to Colin- 
chini, I was going to tell you, that some months after his death, I had a mind 
to go and take possession of a country house near Palermo, which he had settled 
on me as a jointure, by our marriage contract. I took my passage for Sicily 



HISTORY OF DON RAPHAEL. 



m 



with my daughter ; but we were taken on the voyage by Algerine corsairs. 
This city was our destination. Happily for us, you happened to be at the 
market where we were put up for sale. Had it been otherwise, we must have 
fallen into the hands of some barbarian purchaser, who would have used us ill ; 
and we probably might have passed our whole life in slavery, nor would you 
ever have heard of us. 

Such was my mother's story. To return to my own, gentlemen, I gave her the 
best apartment in my house, with the liberty of living after her own fashion ; 
which was a circumstance very agreeable to her taste. She had a confirmed 
habit of loving, brought to such a system by so many repeated experiments, that 
it was impossible for her to do without either a gallant or a husband. At first 
she looked with favour on some of my slaves; but Hali Pegelin, a Greek renegado, 
who sometimes came and called upon us, soon drew all her glances on himself. 
She conceived a stronger passion for him than she had ever done for Colifichini : 
and such was her aptitude for pleasing the men, that she found the way to wind 
herself about the heart of this man also. I seemed as if unconscious of their 
good understanding ; being then intent only on my return into Spain. The 
bashaw had already given me leave to fit out a vessel, for the purpose of sweep- 
ing the sea and committing acts of piracy. This armament was my sole object. 
Just a week before it was completed, I said to Lucinda : Madam, we shall take 
our leave of Algiers almost immediately ; so that you will bid a long farewell 
to an abode which you cannot but detest. 

My mother turned pale at these words, and stood silent and motionless. My 
surprise was extreme. What do I see ? said I to her : whence comes it that 
you present such an image of terror and despair ? My design was to fill you 
with transport ; but the effect of my intelligence seems only to overwhelm you 
with affliction. I thought to have been thanked for my welcome news ; and 
hastened with eagerness to tell you that all is ready for our departure. Are you 
no longer in the mind to go back into Spain ? No, my son ; Spain no longer 
has any charms for me, answered my mother. It has been the scene of all my 
sorrows, and I have turned my back on it for ever. What do I hear ? exclaimed 
I in an agony : ah ! tell me rather, that it is a fatal passion which alienates you 
from your native country. Just heavens ! what a change ! When you landed 
here, every object that met your eyes was hateful to them, but Hali Pegelin has 
given another colour to your fancy. I do not deny it, replied Lucinda : I love 
that renegado, and mean to take him for my fourth husband. What an idea ! 
interrupted I with horror : you, to marry a Mussulman ! You forget yourself 
to be a Christian, or rather have hitherto been one only in name and not in 
heart. Ah ! my dear mother, what a futurity do you present to my imagina- 
tion ! You are running headlong to your eternal ruin. You are going to do 
voluntarily, and from impure motives, what I have only done under the pres- 
sure of necessity. 

I urged many other arguments in the same strain, to turn her aside from her 
purpose : but all my eloquence was wasted ; she had made up her mind to her 
future destiny. Not satisfied with following the bent of her base inclinations, 
and leaving her son to go and live with this renegado, she had even formed a 
design to settle Beatrice in her own family. • This I opposed with all my might 
and main. Ah ! wretched Lucinda, said I, if nothing is capable of keeping 
you within the limits of your duty, at least rush on perdition alone ; confine with- 
in yourself the fury which possesses you ; cast not a young innocent head long over 
a precipice, though you yourself may venture on the leap. Lucinda quitted my 
presence in moody silence. It struck me that a remnant of reason still en- 
lightened her, and that she would not obstinately persevere in requiring her 
daughter to be given up to her. How little did I know of my mother ! One of 



196 GIL BLAS. 



my slaves said to me two days afterwards : Sir, take care of yourself. A cap- 
tive belonging to Pegelm has just let me into a secret, of which you cannot too 
soon avail yourself. Your mother has changed her religion ; and as a punish- 
ment upon you for having refused Beatrice to her wishes, it is her purpose to 
acquaint the bashaw with your flight. I could not for a moment doubt but what 
Lucinda was the woman to do just what my slave had said she would. The 
lady had given me manifold opportunities of studying her character; and it was 
sufficiently evident that by dint of playing bloody parts in tragedy, she had 
familiarized herself with the guilty scenes of real life. It would not in the least 
have gone against her nature to have got me burned alive ; nor probably would 
she have been more affected by my exit after that fashion, than by the winding 
up of a dramatic tale. 

The warning of my slave, therefore, was not to be neglected. My embarkation 
was hastened on. I took some Turks on board, according to the practice of the 
Algerine corsairs when going on a piratical expedition : but I engaged no more 
than was necessary to blind the eyes of jealousy, and weighed anchor from 
the port as soon as possible, with all my slaves and my sister Beatrice. You 
will do right to suppose, that I did not forget, in that moment of anxiety, to 
pack up my whole stock of money and jewels, amounting probably to the 
worth of six thousand ducats. When we were fairly out at sea, we began by 
securing the Turks. They were easily mastered, as my slaves outnumbered 
them. We had so favourable a wind, that we made the coast of Italy in a 
very short time. Without let or hindrance, we got into the harbour of Leg- 
horn, where I thought the whole city must have come out to see us land. The 
father of my slave Azarini, either accidentally or from curiosity, happened to be 
among the gazers. He looked with all his eyes at my captives, as they came 
ashore; but though his object was to discover his lost son among the number, 
it was with little hope of so fortunate a result. But how powerful is the plea 
of nature ! What transports, expressed by mutual embraces, followed the 
recognition of a tie so close, but so painfully interrupted for a time ! 

As soon as Azarini had acquainted his father who I was, and what brought 
me to Leghorn, the old man obliged me, as well as Beatrice, to accept of an 
apartment in his house. I shall pass over in silence the description of a thou- 
sand ceremonies, necessary to be gone through, in order to my return into the 
bosom of the church ; suffice it to say, that I forswore Mahometanism with 
much more sincerity than I had pledged myself to it. After having entirely 
purged myself from my Algerine leaven, I sold my ship, and set all my slaves 
at liberty. As for the Turks, they were committed to prison at Leghorn, to 
be exchanged against Christians. I received kind attention in abundance from 
the Azarini family : indeed, the young man married my sister Beatrice, who, to 
speak the truth, was no bad match for him, being a gentleman's daughter, and 
inheriting the castle of X erica, which my mother had taken care to let out to a 
rich farmer of Paterna, when she resolved upon her voyage to Sicily. 

From Leghorn, after having staid there some time, I departed for Florence, 
a town I had a strong desire to see. I did not go thither without letters of 
recommendation. Azarini the father had ■connections at the grand duke's 
court, and introduced me to them as a Spanish gentleman related to his family. 
I tacked don to my name, in honest rivalry of impudence with other low 
Spaniards, who take up that travelling title of honour without compunction, 
when far enough from home to set detection at defiance. Boldly then did I 
dub myself Don Raphael ; and appeared at court with suitable splendour, on 
the strength of what I had brought from Algiers, to keep my nobility from 
starving. The high personages, to whom old Azarini had written in my favour, 
gave out in their circle that I was a person of quality ; so that with this testi- 



HIST OR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 197 

mony, and a natural knack I had of giving myself airs, the deuce must have 
been in it if I could not have passed muster for a man of some consequence. I 
soon got to be hand in glove with the principal nobility ; and they presented 
me to the grand duke. I had the good fortune to make myself agreeable. It 
then' became an object with me to pay court to that prince, and to study his 
humour. I sucked in with greedy ear all that his most experienced courtiers 
said about him, and by their conversation fathomed all his peculiarities. Among 
j other things, he encouraged a play of wit ; was fond of good stories and lively 
repartees. On this hint I formed myself. Every morning I wrote down in 
my pocket-book such anecdotes as I meant to rack off in the course of the da}'. 
My stock was considerably extensive ; so that I was a walking budget of bal- 
derdash. Yet even my estate in nonsense required economy ; and I began to 
get out at elbows, so as to be reduced to borrow from myself, and mortgage 
my resources twenty times over : but when the shallow current of wit and wis- 
dom was nearly at its summer drought, a torrent of matter-of-fact lies gave 
new force to the exhausted stream of quibble. Intrigues which never had been 
intrigued, and practical jokes which had never been played off, were the tools 
I worked with, and exactly to the level of the grand duke : nay, what often 
happens to dull dealers in inextinguishable vivacity, the mornings were spent 
in financiering those funds of conversation, which were to be drawn upon after 
dinner, as if from a perennial spring of preternatural wealth. 

I had even the impudence to set up for a poet, and made my broken-winded 
muse trot to the praises of the prince. I allow candidly that the verses were 
execrable ; but then they were quite good enough for their readers ; and it re- 
mains a doubt whether, if they had been better, the grand duke would not have 
thrown them into the fire. They seemed to be just what he would have writ- 
ten upon himself. In short, it was impossible to miss the proper style on such 
a subject. But whatever might be my merit as a poet, the prince, by little and 
little, took such a liking to my person, as gave occasion of jealousy to his 
courtiers. They tried to find out who I was. This, however, was beyond 
their compass. All they could learn was, that I had been a renegade This 
was whispered forthwith in the prince's ear, in the hopes of hurting me. Not 
that it succeeded : on the contrary, the grand duke one day commanded me to 
give him a faithful account of my adventures at Algiers. I obeyed ; and the 
recital, without reserve on my part, contributed more than any other of my 
stories to his entertainment. 

Don Raphael, said he, after I had ended my narrative, I have a real regard 
for you, and mean to give you a proof of it, which will place my sincerity be- 
yond a doubt. Henceforth you are admitted into my most private confidence, 
as the first fruits of which, you are to know that one of my ministers has a 
wife, with whom I am in love. She is the most enchanting creature at court ; 
but at the same time the most impregnable. Shut up in her own household, 
exclusively attached to a husband who idolizes her, she seems to be ignorant of 
the combustion her charms have kindled in Florence. You will easily conceive 
the difficulty of such a conquest. And yet this epitome of loveliness, so deaf 
to all the whispers of common seduction, has sometimes listened to my sighs. 
I have found the means of speaking to her without witnesses. She is not un- 
acquainted with my sentiments. I do not flatter myself with having warmed 
her into love ; she has given me no reason to form so sweet a conjecture. Yet 
I will not despair of pleasing her by my constancy, and by the cautious con- 
duct, even to mystery, which I take care to observe. 

My passion for this lady, continued he, is known only to herself. Instead of 
pursuing my game wantonly, and overleaping the rights of my subjects like a 
true sovereign, I conceal from all the world the knowledge of my love. This 



GIL BLAS. 



delicacy seems due to Mascarini, the husband of my beloved mistress. His 
zeal and attachment to me, his services and honesty, oblige me to act in this 
business with the closest secrecy and circumspection. I will not plunge a dag- 
ger into the bosom of this ill-starred husband, by declaring myself a suitor to 
his wife. Would he might for ever be insensible, were it within possibility, to 
the secret flame which devours me : for I am persuaded that he would die of 
grief, were he to know the circumstances I have just now confided to you. I 
therefore veil my pursuit in impenetrable darkness ; and have determined to 
make use of you, for the purpose of conveying to Lucretia the merit of the 
sacrifices my delicacy imposes on my feelings. Of these you shall be the inter- 
preter. I doubt not but you will acquit yourself to a marvel of your commis- 
sion. Contrive to be intimate with Mascarini ; make a point of worming 
yourself into his friendship. Then an inti-oduction to his family will be easy ; 
and you will secure to yourself the liberty of conversing freely with his wife. 
This is what I require from you, and what I feel assured that you will execute 
with all the dexterity and discretion necessary to so delicate an undertaking. 

I promised the grand duke to do my utmost, in furtherance of his good 
opinion, and in aid of his success with the object of his desires. I kept my 
word without loss of time. No pains were spared to get into Mascarinis' good 
graces ; and the design was not difficult to accomplish. Delighted to find his 
friendship sought by a man possessing the affections of the prince, he advanced 
half way to meet my overtures. His house was always open to me, my inter- 
course with his lady was unrestrained ; and I have no hesitation in affirming 
my measures to have been taken so well, as to have precluded the slightest 
suspicion of the embassy intrusted to my management. It is true, he had but 
a small share of the Italian jealousy, relying as he did on the virtue of his Lu- 
cretia ; so that he often shut himself up in his closet, and left me alone with her. 
I entered at once into the pith and marrow of my subject. The grand duke's 
passion was my topic with the lady ; and I told her that the motive of my visits 
was only to plead for that prince. She did not seem to be over head- and ears 
in love with him ; and yet, methought, vanity forbade her to frown decisively on 
his addresses. She took a pleasure in listening to his sighs, without sighing in 
concert. A certain propriety of heart she had ; but then she was a woman ; 
and it was obvious that her rigour was giving way insensibly to the triumphant 
image of a sovereign, bound in the fetters of her resistless charms. In short, 
the prince had good reason to flatter himself that he might dispense with the 
ill-breeding of a Tarquin, and yet bend Lucretia to a compliance with his long- 
ings. An incident, however, the most unexpected in the annals of romance, 
blasted his flattering prospects ; in what manner you shall hear. 

I am naturally free and easy with the women. This constitutional assurance, 
whether a blessing or a curse, was ripened into inveterate habit among the 
Turks. Lucretia was a pretty woman. I forgot that I was courting by proxy, 
and assumed the tone of a principal. Nothing could exceed the warmth and 
gallantry with which I offered my services to the ladv. Far from appearing 
offended at my boldness, or silencing me by a resentful answer, she only said 
with a sarcastic smile : Own the truth, Don Raphael ; the grand duke has 
pitched upon a very faithful and zealous agent. You serve him with an in- 
tegrity not sufficiently to be commended. Madam, said I in the same strain, 
let us not examine things with too much nicety. A truce, I beseech you, with 
moral discussions ; they are not of my element : good honest passion tallies 
better with our natures. I do not believe myself, after all, the first prince's 
confidant who has ousted his master in an affair of gallantly ; your great lords 
have often dangerous rivals, in more humble messengers than myself. That 
may be, replied Lucretia : but a haughty temper stands with me in the place of 



HISTOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 199 

virtue, and no one under the degree of a prince shall ever sully these charms. 
Regulate your behaviour accordingly, added she in a tone of serious severity, 
and let us change the subject. I willingly bury your presumption in oblivion, 
provided you never hold similar discourse to me again : if you do, you may 
repent of it. 

Though this was a comment of some importance on my text, and ought to 
have been needfully conned over, it was no bar to my still entertaining Masca- 
rini's wife with my passion. I even pressed her with more importunity than 
heretofore, for a kind consent to my tender entreaties ; and was rash enough 
to feel my ground, by some little personal freedoms. The lady then, offended 
at my words, and still more at my Mahometan quips and cranks, gave a com- 
plete set down to my assurance. She threatened to acquaint the grand duke 
with my impertinence ; and declared she would make a point of his punishing 
me as I deserved. These menaces bristled up my spirit in return. My love 
turned at once into hatred, and determined me to revenge myself for the 
contempt with which Lucretia had treated me. I went in quest of her hus- 
band ; and after having bound him by oath net to betray me, I informed him 
of his wife's correspondence with the prince, and failed not to represent her as 
distractedly enamoured of him, by way of heightening the interest of the scene. 
The minister, lest the plot should become too intricately entangled, shut his 
wife up, without any law but his own will, in a secret apartment, where he 
placed her under the strict guard of confidential persons. While she was thus 
kept at bay by the watch-dogs of jealousy, who prevented her from acquainting 
the grand duke with her situation, I announced to that prince, with a melan- 
choly air, that he must think no longer of Lucretia. I told him that Mascarini 
had doubtless discovered all, since he had taken it into his head to keep a 
guard over his wife : that I could not conceive what had induced him to sus- 
pect me, as I flattered myself with having always behaved according to the 
most approved rules of discretion in such cases. The lady might, I suggested, 
have been beforehand, and owned all to her husband ; and had perhaps, in 
concert' with him, suffered herself to be immured, in order to lie hid from a 
pursuit so dangerous to her virtue. The prince appeared deeply afflicted at 
my relation. I was not unmoved by his distress, and repented more than once 
of what I had done ; but it was too late to retract. Besides, I must acknow- 
ledge, a spiteful joy tingled in my veins, when I meditated on the distressed 
condition of the disdainful fair, who had spurned my vows. 

I was feeding with impunity on the pleasure of revenge, so palatable to all 
the world, but most of all to Spaniards, when one day the grand duke, chatting 
with five or six nobles of his court and myself, said to us : In what manner 
would you judge it fitting for a man to be punished, who should have abused 
the confidence of his prince, and designed to step in between him and his 
mistress ? The best way, said one of the courtiers, would be to have him torn 
to pieces by four horses. Another gave it as his verdict, that he should be 
soundly beaten, till he died under the blows of the executioner. The most 
tender-hearted and merciful of these Italians, with comparative lenity towards 
the culprit, wished only just to admonish him of his fault, by throwing him 
from the top of a tower to the bottom. And Don Raphael, resumed the 
grand duke after a pause, what is his opinion ? The Spaniards, in all likeli- 
hood, would improve upon our Italian severity, in a case of such aggravated 
treachery. 

I fully understood, as you may well suppose, that Mascarini had not kept 
his oath, or that his wife had devised the means of acquainting the prince with 
what had passed between her and me. My countenance sufficiently betokened 
my inward agitation. But for all that, suppressing as well as I could my rising 



GIL BLAS. 



emotion and alarm, I replied to the grand duke in a steady tone of voice — My 
lord, the Spaniards are more generous ; under such circumstances, they would 
pardon the unworthy betrayer of his trust, and by that act of unmerited good- 
ness would kindle in his soul an everlasting abhorrence of his own villany. 
Yes, truly, said the prince, and I feel in my own breast a similar spirit of for- 
bearance. Let the traitor then be pardoned ; since I have myself only to blame 
for having given my confidence to a man of whom I had no knowledge, but, on 
the contrary, much ground of suspicion, according to the current of common re- 
port. Don Raphael, added he, my revenge shall be confined to this single 
interdict Quit my dominions immediately, and never appear again in my 
presence. I withdrew in all haste, less hurt at my disgrace, than delighted to 
have got off so cheaply. The very next day I embarked in a Barcelona ship, 
just setting sail from the port of Leghorn on its return. 

At this period of his history I interrupted Bon Raphael to the following 
effect. For a man of shrewdness, methinks you were not a little off your 
guard, in trusting yourself at Florence for even so short a time, after having 
discovered the prince's love of Lucretia to Mascarini. You might well have 
foreboded that the grand duke would not be long in getting to the knowledge 
of your, duplicity. Your observation is very just, answered the well-matched 
son of so eccentric a mother as Lucinda : and for that reason, not trusting to 
the minister's promise of screening me from his master's indignation, it had 
been my intention to disappear without taking leave. 

I got safe to Barcelona, continued he, with the remnant of the wealth I had 
brought from Algiers ; but the greater part had been squandered at Florence 
in enacting the Spanish gentleman. I did not stay long in Catalonia. Madrid 
was the dear place of my nativity, and I had a longing desire to see it again, 
which I satisfied as soon as possible ; for mine was not a temper to stand par- 
leying with its own inclinations. On my arrival in town, I chanced to take up 
my abode in a ready-furnished lodging, where dwelt a lady, by name Camilla. 
Though at some distance from her teens, she was a very spirit-stirring creature, 
as Signor Gil Bias will bear me out in saying ; for he fell in with her at Valla- 
dolid nearly about the same time. Her parts were still more extraordinary 
than her beauty ; and never had a lady with a character to let a happier talent 
of inveigling fools to their ruin. But she was not like those selfish jilts, 
who , put out the cullibility of their lovers to usury. The pillage of the 
plodding merchant, or the grave family man, was squandered upon the first 
gambler or prize-fighter who happened to find his way into her frolicsome 
fancy. 

We loved one another from the first moment, and the conformity of our 
tempers bound us so closely together, that we soon lived on the footing of joint 
property. The amount, in sober sadness, was little better than a cypher, and 
a few good dinners more reduced it to that ignoble negative of number. We 
were each of us thinking, as the deuce would have it, of our mutual plea- 
sures, without profiting in the least by those happy dispositions of ours for 
living at the expense of other folks. Want at last gave a keener edge to our 
wits, which indulgence had blunted. My dear Raphael, said Camilla, let us 
carry the war into the enemy's quarters', if you love me ; for while we are as 
faithful as turtles, we are as foolish ; and fall into our own snare, instead of 
laying it for the unwary. You may get into the head and heart of a rich widow ; 
I may conjure myself into the good graces of some old nobleman : but as for 
this ridiculous fidelity, it brings no grist to the mill. Excellent Camilla, an- 
swered I, you are beforehand with me. I was going to make the very same 
proposal. It exactly meets my ideas, thou paragon of morality. Yes ; the 
better to maintain our mutual fire, let us forage for substantial fuel. As good 



J 



HISTORY OF DON RAPHAEL. 



may always be extracted out of evil, those infidelities which are the bane of 
other loves, shall be the triumph of ours. 

On the basis of this treaty we took the field. At first, there was much cry- 
but little wool ; for we had no luck at finding cullies. Camilla met with no- 
thing but pretty fellows, with vanity in their hearts, tinsel on their backs, and 
not a maravedi in their pockets ; my ladies were all of a kidney to levy, rather 
than to pay contributions. As love left us in the lurch, we paid our devotions 
at the shrine of knavery. With the zeal of martyrs to a new religion, did we 
encounter the frowns of the civil power, whose myrmidons, as like the devil in 
their nature as their office, were ordered on the look-out after us ; but the 
alguazil, with all the good qualities of which the corregidor inherited the con- 
traries, gave us time to make our escape out of Madrid, for the good of the 
trade and a small sum of money. We took the road to Valladolid, meaning to 
set up in that town. I rented a house for myself and Camilla, who passed for 
my sister, to avoid evil tongues. At first we kept a tight rein over our specu- 
lative talents, and began by reconnoitring the ground before we determined on 
our plan of operations. 

One day a man accosted me in the street, with a very civil salutation, to this 
effect — Signor Don Raphael, do you recollect my face? I answered in the 
negative. Then I have the advantage of you, replied he, for yours is perfectly 
familiar to me. I have seen you at the court of Tuscany, where I was then in 
the grand duke's guards. It is some months since I quitted that prince's ser- 
vice. I came into Spain with an Italian, who will not discredit the politics of 
his country : we have been at Valladolid these three weeks. Our residence is 
with a Castilian and a Galician, who are, without dispute, two of the best 
creatures in the world. We live together by the sweat of our brows, and the 
labour of our hands. Our fare is not abstemious, nor have we made any vow 
against the temptations of a life about the court. If you will make one of our 
party, my brethren will be glad of your company ; for you always seemed to 
me a man of spirit, above all vulgar prejudices, in short, a monk of our 
order. 

Such frankness from this arch-scoundrel was met half-way by mine. Since 
you talk to me with so winning a candour, said I, you deserve that I should be 
equally explicit with you. In good truth I am no novice in your ritual ; and if 
my modesty would allow me to be the hero of my own tale, you would be con- 
vinced that your compliments were not lavished on an unworthy subject. But 
enough of my own commendations ; proceed we to the point in question. With 
all possible desire to become a member of your body, I shall neglect no oppor- 
tunity of proving my title to that distinction. I had no sooner told this sharper 
at all points, that I would agree to swell the number of his gang, than he con- 
ducted me to their place of meeting, and introduced me in proper form. It 
was on this occasion that I first saw the renowned Ambrose de Lamela. These 
gentlemen catechised me in the religion of coveting my neighbour's goods, and 
doing as I would not be done by. They wanted to discern whether I played 
the villain on principle, or had only some little practical dexterity ; but I shewed 
them tricks which they did not know to be on the cards, and yet acknowledged 
to be better than their own. They were still deeper lost in admiration, when 
in cool disdain of manual artifice, as an every-day effort of ingenuity, I main- 
tained my prowess in such combinations of roguery as require an inventive brain 
and a solid judgment to support them. In proof of these pretensions, I related 
the adventure of Jerome de Moyadas ; and on this single specimen of my parts, 
they conceived my genius of so high an order, as to elect me by common con- 
sent for their leader. Their choice was fully justified by a host of slippery 
devices, of which I was the master-wheel, the corner-stone, or according to 



GIL BLAS. 



whatever other metaphor in mechanics you may best express the soul of a con- 
spiracy. When we had occasion for a female performer to heighten the interest, 
Camilla was sent upon the stage, and played up to admiration in the parts she 
had to perform. 

Just at that period, our friend and brother Ambrose was seized with a longing 
to see his native country once more. He went for Galicia with an assurance 
that we might reckon on his return. The visit cured his patriotic sickness. As 
he was on the road back, having halted at Burgos to strike some stroke of busi- 
ness, an innkeeper of his acquaintance introduced him into the service Of Signor 
Gil Bias de Santillane, not forgetting to instruct him thoroughly in the state of 
that gentleman's affairs. Signor Gil Bias, pursued Don Raphael, addressing his 
discourse to me, you know in what manner we eased you of your moveables in 
a ready-furnished lodging at Valladolid ; and you must doubtless have suspected 
Ambrose to have been the principal contriver of that exploit, and not without 
reason. On his coming into town, he ran himself out of breath to find us, and 
laid open every particular of your situation, so that the associated swindlers 
had nothing to do but to build on his foundation. But you are unacquainted 
with the consequences of that adventure ; you shall therefore have them on my 
authority. Your portmanteau was made free with by Ambrose and myself. 
We also took the liberty of riding your mules in the direction of Madrid, not 
dropping the least hint to Camilla nor to our partners in iniquity, who must 
have partaken in some measure of your feelings in the morning, at finding their 
glory shorn of two such beams. 

On the second day we changed our purpose. Instead of going to Madrid, 
whence I had not sallied forth without an urgent motive, we passed by Zebreros, 
and continued our journey as far as Toledo. Our first care, in that town, was 
to dress ourselves in the genteelest style ; then assuming the character of two 
brothers from Galicia on our travels of mere curiosity, we soon got acquainted 
in the most respectable circles. I was so much in the habit of acting the man 
of fashion, as not easily to be detected ; and as the generality of people are 
blinded by a free expenditure, we threw dust into the eyes of all the world, by 
the elegant entertainments to which we invited the ladies. Among the women 
who frequented our parties, there was one not indifferent to me. She appeared 
more beautiful than Camilla, and certainly much younger. I inquired who 
she was ; and learned that her name was Violante, and that she was married to 
an ungrateful spark, who soon grew weary of her chaste caresses, and was run- 
ning after those of a prostitute, with whom he was in love. There was no 
need to say any more, to determine me on enthroning Violante the sovereign 
lady and mistress of my thoughts and affections. 

She was not long in coming to the knowledge of her conquest. I began by 
following her about from place to place, and playing a hundred monkey tricks 
to instil into her comprehension, that nothing would please me better than the 
office of making her amends for the ill usage of her husband. The pretty crea- 
ture ruminated on my proffered kindness, and to such purpose as. to let me 
know in the end that my labour was not wasted on an ungrateful soil. I 
received a note from her in answer to several I had transmitted by one of those 
convenient old dowagers, in such high request throughout Spain and Italy. 
The lady sent me word that her husband supped with his mistress every even- 
ing, and did not return home till very late. It was impossible to mistake the 
meaning of this. On that very night I planted myself under Violante' s win- 
dows, and engaged her in a most tender conversation. At the moment of 
parting, it was settled between us that every evening, at the same hour, we 
should meet and converse on the same everlasting topic, without gainsaying any 
such other acts of gallantry as might safely be submitted to the peering eye of day. 




Don Raphael— p. 202. 



HISTORY OF DON RAPHAEL. 



Hitherto Don Balthazar, as Violante's husband was called, had no reason to 
complain of his forehead ; but I was a natural philosopher, and little satisfied 
with metaphysical endearments. One evening, therefore, I repaired under 
my lady's windows, with the design of telling her that there was an end of life 
and everything, if we could not come together on more accommodating terms 
than from the balcony to the street ; for I had never yet been able to get into 
the house. Just as I got thither, a man came within sight, apparently with the 
view of dogging me. In fact, it was the husband returning earlier than usual 
from his precious bit of amusement ; but observing a male nuisance near his 
nunnery, instead of coming straight home, he walked backwards and forwards 
in the street. It was almost a moot point with me what I ought to do. At 
last, I resolved on accosting Don Balthazar, though neither of us had the 
slightest knowledge of each other. Noble gentleman, said I, you would do me 
a most particular favour by leaving the street vacant to me for this one night ; 
I would do as much for you another time. Sir, answered he, I was just 
going to make the same request to you. I am on the look-out after a girl, over 
whom a confounded fellow of a brother keeps watch and ward like a gaoler ; 
and she lives not twenty yards from this place. I could wish to carry on my 
project without a witness. We have the means, replied I, of attaining both our 
ends without clashing ; for the lady of my desires lives there, added I, pointing 
to his own house. We had better even help one another, in case of being 
attacked. With all my heart, resumed he ; I will go to my appointment, and 
we will make common cause if need be. Under this pretence he went away, 
but only to observe me the more narrowly ; and the darkness of the night fa- 
voured his doing so without detection. 

As for me, I made up to Violante's balcony in the simplicity of my heart. 
She soon heard my signal, and we began our usual parley. I was not remiss 
in pressing the idol of my worship to grant me a private interview in some safe 
and practicable place. She was rather coy to my entreaties, as favours hardly 
earned are the higher valued : at length she took a letter out of her pocket, and 
flung it down to me. There, said she, you will find in that scrap of paper the 
promise of what you have teased me so long about. She then withdrew, as the 
hour approached when her husband usually came home. I put the note up 
carefully, and went towards the place where Don Balthazar had told me that 
his business lay. But that staunch husband, with the sagacity of an old sports- 
man where his own wife was the game, came more than half-way to meet me, 
with this question : Well, good sir, are you satisfied with your happy fortunes ? 
I have reason to be so, answered I. And as for yourself, what have you done ? 
has the blind god befriended you ? Alas ! quite the contrary, replied he ; that 
impertinent brother, who takes such liberties with my beauty, thought fit to 
come back from his country house, whence we hugged ourselves as sure that 
he would not return till to-morrow. This infernal chance has put all my soft 
and soothing pleasures out of tune. 

Nothing could exceed the mutual pledges of lasting friendship which were 
exchanged between Don Balthazar and me. To draw the cords the closer, we 
made an appointment for the next morning in the great square. This plotting 
gentleman, after we had parted, betook himself to his own house, without giv- 
ing Violante at all to understand that he knew more about her than she wished 
him. On the following day he was punctual in the great square, and I was not 
five minutes after him. We exchanged greetings with all the warmth of old 
friendship ; but it was a vapour to mislead on his part, though a spark of hea- 
venly flame on mine. In the course of conversation, this hypocritical Don Bal- 
thazar palmed upon me a fictitious confidence, respecting his intrigue with the 
lady about whom he had been speaking the night before. He put together a 



204 GIL BLAS. 



long story he had been manufacturing on that subject, and all this to hook me 
in to tell him, in return, by what means I had got acquainted with Violante. 
The snare was too subtle for me to escape ; I owned all w. h the innocence of 
a new-born babe. I did not even stick at shewing the note I had received from 
her, and read the contents, to the following purport : "I am going to-morrow 
to dine with Donna Inez. You know where she lives. It is in the house of that 
confidential friend that I mean to pass some happy moments along with you. It 
is impossible longer to refuse a boon your patience has so well merited." 

Here indeed, said Don Balthazar, is an epistle which promises to crown all 
your wishes at once. I congratulate you beforehand on your approaching happi- 
ness. He could not help fidgeting and wriggling a little, while he talked in 
these terms of his own household ; but all his hitches and wry faces passed off, 
and my eyes were as fast sealed as ever. I was so full of anticipating titillations, 
as not to think of noticing my new friend, who was obliged to get off as fast as 
he could, for fear of betraying his agitation in my presence. He ran to acquaint 
his brother-in-law with this strange occurrence. I know not what might pass 
between them : it is only certain that Don Balthazar happened to knock at 
Donna Inez's door, just when I was at that lady's house with Violante. We 
were warned who it was, and I escaped by a back door exactly as he went in at 
the front. As soon as I had got safe off, the women, whom the unexpected 
visit of this troublesome husband had disconcerted a little, recovered their pre- 
sence of mind, and with it so large a stock of assurance, as to stand the brunt 
of his attack, and put him to a nonplus in ascertaining whether they had hid 
me or smuggled me out. I cannot exactly tell you what he said to Donna Inez 
and his wife ; nor do I believe that history will ever furnish any authentic par- 
ticulates of the squabble. 

In the mean time, without suspecting yet how completely I was gulled by 
Don Balthazar, I sallied forth with curses in my mouth, and returned to the great 
square, where I had appointed Lamela to meet me. But no Lamela was there. 
He also had his little snug parties, and the scoundrel fared better than his com- 
rade. As I was waiting for him, I caught a glimpse of my treacherous associ- 
ate, with a knowing smile upon his countenance. He made up to me, and in- 
quired, with a hearty laugh, what news of my assignation with my nymph, under 
the convenient roof of Donna Inez. I cannot conceive, said I, what evil spirit, 
jealous of my joys, takes delight to nip them in their blossom : but after we had 
embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy, 
comes the peaking cornuto of a husband (the furies fly away with him), and 
knocks at the door in the instant of our encounter. There was nothing to be 
done but to secure my retreat as fast as possible. So I got out at a back door, 
sending to all the inhabitants of hell and its suburbs the jealous knave, who was 
so uncivil as to search another lady's house for his own horns. I am sorry you 
sped so ill-favouredly, exclaimed Don Balthazar, who was chuckling with in- 
ward satisfaction at my disappointment. What a mechanical rogue of a hus- 
band ! I would advise you to shew no mercy to the wittol. Oh ! you need not 
teach me how to predominate 'over such a peasant, replied I. Take my word 
for it, a new quarter shall be added to his coat of arms this very night. His 
wife, when I went away, told me not to be faint-hearted for such a trifle ; but 
to place myself without fail under her windows at an earlier hour than usual, 
for she was resolved to let me into the house ; and as a precaution against all 
accidents, she begged me to bring two or three friends in my train, for fear of a 
surprise. What a discreet and inventive lady ! said he. I should have no ob- 
jection to being of your party. Ah ! my dear friend, exclaimed I, out of wits 
with joy, and throwing my arms about Don Balthazar's neck, how infinitely you 
will oblige me ! I will do more, resumed he ; I know a young man, armed like 



HIS TOR Y OF DON RAPHAEL. 205 

another Caesar, for either field of love or war ; he shall be of our number, and 
you may then rely boldly on the sufficiency of your escort. 

I knew not in whit words to thank this seeming friend, so that my gratitude 
might be equivalent to his zeal. To make short of the matter, I accepted his 
proffered aid. Our meeting was fixed under Violante's balcony early in the 
evening, and we parted. He went in quest of his brother-in-law, who was the 
hero in question. As for me, I walked about all day with Lamela, who had 
no more misgivings than myself, though somewhat astonished at the warmth 
with which Don Balthazar engaged in my interests. We slipt our own necks 
completely into the noose. I own this was mere infatuation on our parts, whose 
natural instinct ought to have warned us of a halter. When I thought it proper 
time to present myself under Violante's windows, Ambrose and I took care to 
be armed with small swords. There we found the husband of my fair dame and 
another man, waiting for us with a veiy determined air. Don Balthazar ac- 
costed me, and introducing his brother-in-law, said : Sir, this is the brave officer 
whose prowess I have extolled so highly to you. Make the best of your way 
into your mistress's house, and let no fear of the consequences be any bar to the 
enjoyment of the most rapturous human bliss. 

After a mutual interchange of compliments, I knocked at Violante's door. It 
was opened by a kind of duenna. In I went, and without looking back after 
what was passing behind me, made the best of my way to the lady's room. 
While I was paying her my preliminary civilities, the two cut-throats, who had 
followed me into the house, and had banged the door after them so violently 
that Ambrose was left in the street, made their appearance. You may well 
suppose that then was the appeal to arms. They both fell upon me at the same 
time, but I shewed them some play. I kept them engaged on either side so 
fiercely, that they were sorry perhaps not to have taken a safer road to their 
revenge. The husband was run through the body. His brother-in-law, seeing 
him on his travels to the shades below, made the best of his way to the door, 
which the duenna and Violante had opened, to make their escape while we were 
fighting. I ran after him into the street, where I met with Lamela once more, 
who by dint of not being able to get a word out of the women, running as they 
did for their very lives, did not know exactly what he was to divine from the 
infernal noise he had just heard. We got back to our inn. After packing up 
what was best worth taking with us, we mounted our mules, and got out of 
town, without waiting for daybreak or fear of robbers. 

It was sufficiently clear that this business was not likely to be without its con- 
sequences, and that a hue and cry would be set up in Toledo, which we should 
act like wise men to anticipate by a retreat. We stayed the night at Villarubia. 
At the inn where we put up, some time after our arrival, there alighted a trades- 
man of Toledo on his way to Segorba. We clubbed our suppers. He related 
to us the tragical catastrophe of Violante's husband ; and so far was he from 
suspecting us of being parties concerned, that we inquired into particulars with 
the curious indifference of common newsmongers. Gentlemen, said he, just as 
I was setting out this morning, the report of this melancholy event was handed 
about. Every one was on the hunt after Violante ; and they say that the cor- 
regidor, a relation of Don Balthazar, is determined on sparing no pains to dis- 
cover the perpetrators of this murder. So much for my knowledge of the 
business. 

The corregidor of Toledo and his police gave me very little uneasiness. But 
for fear of the worst, I determined to precipitate my retreat from New Castile. 
It occurred to me that Violante, when hunted out of her hiding-place, would 
turn informer, and in that case she might give such a description of my person 
to the clerks in office, as might enable them to put their scouts upon a right 



2o6 , GIL BLAS. 



scent. For this reason, on the following day we struck out of the high road, 
as a measure of safety. Fortunately Lamela was acquainted with three-fourths 
of Spain, and knew by what cross paths we could get securely into Arragon. 
Instead of going straight to Cuenca, we threaded the defiles of the mountains 
overhanging that town, and arrived, by ways with which my guide was well 
acquainted, at a grotto looking very much like a hermitage. In fact, it was the 
very place whither you came yester lay evening to petition me for an asylum. 

While I was reconnoitring the neighbourhood, which presented a most deli- 
cious landscape to my view, my companion said to me, It is six years since I 
travelled this way. At that time the grotto before us afforded a retreat to an 
old hermit who entertained me charitably. He made me fare as he did. I 
remember that he was a holy man, and talked in such a strain as almost to 
wean me from the vices and follies of this nether world. He may possibly be 
still living ; I will ascertain whether it be so or not. With these words in his 
mouth, Ambrose, under the influence of natural curiosity, alighted from his 
mule, and went into the hermitage. He remained there some minutes, and 
then returned, calling after me, and saying, Come hither, Don Raphael, come 
and bear witness to a most affecting event. I dismounted immediately. We 
tied our mules to a tree, and I followed Lamela into the grotto, where I descried 
an old anchoret stretched at his length upon a couch, pale and at the point of 
death. A white beard, very thick, hung down to his middle, and he held a 
large rosary, most piously ornamented, in his clasped hands. At the noise 
which we made in coming near him, he opened his eyes, upon which death 
had already begun to lay his leaden hand ; and after having looked at us for a 
moment, said, " Whosoever you are, my brethren, profit by the spectacle which 
presents itself to your observation. I have seen out forty years in the world, 
and sixty in this solitude. But mark ! At this eternal crisis, the time I have 
devoted to my pleasures seems an age, and that on the contrary which has 
been sacred to repentance, but a minute ! Alas ! I fear lest the austerities of 
brother Juan should be found light in the balance with the sins of the licentiate 
Don Juan de Solis." 

No sooner were these words out of his mouth than he breathed his last. We 
were struck by the solemn scene. Objects of this kind always make some 
impression even on the greatest libertines ; but our serious thoughts were of no 
long duration. We soon forgot what he had been saying to us, and began making 
an inventory of what the hermitage contained ; an employment which was not 
oppressively laborious, since the household furniture extended no further than 
what you remarked in the grotto. Brother Juan was not only in ill-furnished 
•lodgings ; his kitchen, too, was in a very rustic plight. All the store laid in 
consisted of some small nuts and some pieces of crusty barley bread as hard as 
flint, which had all the appearance of having been impregnable to the gums of 
the venerable man. I specify his gums, because we looked, for his teeth, and 
found they had all dropped out. The whole arrangement of this solitary 
abode, every object that met our eyes, made us look upon this good anchoret 
as a pattern of sanctity. One thing only staggered us in our opinion. We 
opened a paper folded in the form of a letter, and lying upon the table, wherein 
he besought the person who should read the contents, to carry his rosary and 
sandals to the bishop of Cuenca. We could not make out in what spirit this 
modern recluse of the desert could aim at making such a present to his bishop. 
It seemed to us to tread somewhat on the heels of his humility, and to savour 
of one who was a candidate for a niche in the calendar. Though indeed it 
might be, that there was nothing in it but a simple supposition, that the bishop 
was such another as himself; but whether his ignorance was really so extreme, 
I shall not pretend to decide. 



HISTORY OF DON RAPHAEL. 207 

In talking over this subject, a very pleasant idea occurred to Lamela. Let 
us take up our abode, said he, in this holy retreat. The disguise of hermits 
will become us. Brother Juan must be laid quietly in the earth. You shall 
personate him ; and for myself, in the character of brother Anthony, I will go 
and see what is to be done in the neighbouring towns and villages. Besides 
that we shall be too cunningly ensconced for the prying curiosity of the corregi- 
dor, since it is not to be supposed that he T T ill think of coming hither to look 
for us, I have some good connections at Cuenca, which may be of essential 
service to us. I fell in with this odd whim, not so much for the reasons given 
me by Ambrose, as in compliance with the humour of the thing, and as it were 
to play a part in a dramatic piece. We made an excavation in the ground at 
about thirty or forty yards from the grotto, and buried the old anchoret there 
without any pompous rites, after having stripped him of his wardrobe, which 
consisted of a single gown tied round the middle with a leathern girdle. We 
likewise despoiled him of his beard to make me an artificial one : and finally, 
after his interment, we took possession of the hermitage. 

The first day our table was but meanly served ; the provisions of the de- 
ceased were all we had to feed on ; but on the following morning, before sun- 
rise, Lamela set off to sell the two mules at Toralva, and returned in the even- 
ing, laden with provisions and other articles which he had purchased. He 
brought everything necessaiy to metamorphose us completely. For himself he 
had provided a gown of coarse dark cloth, and a little red horse-hair beard, so 
ingeniously appended to his ears, that one would have sworn it had been na- 
tural. There is not a cleverer fellow in the universe for a frolic. Brother 
Juan's beard was also new-modelled, and adapted to the plumpness of my 
face. My brown woollen cap completed the masquerade. In fact, nothing 
was wanting to make us pass for what we were not. Our equipage was so 
ludicrously out of character, that we could not look at one another without 
laughing, under a garb so diametrically at variance with our general complexion. 
With brother Juan's mantle, I caught and kept his rosary and sandals ; taking 
the liberty of borrowing them for the time being from the bishop of Cuenca. 

We had already been three days in the hermitage, without having been 
interrupted by a living soul ; but on the fourth, two countrymen came into 
the grotto. They brought bread, cheese, and onions, for the deceased, whom 
they supposed to be still living. I threw myself On our miserable couch as 
soon as they made their appearance; and it was not difficult to impose on 
them. Besides that it was too dark to distinguish my features accurately, 
I imitated the voice of brother Juan, whose last words I had heard, to the 
best of my ability. They had no suspicion of the trick, though a good ' 
deal surprised at finding another hermit there. Lamela, taking advantage 
of their stupid wonder, said in a canting tone : My brethren, be not astonished 
at seeing me in this solitude. I have quitted a hermitage of my own in 
Arragon, to come hither and be a companion to the venerable and edifying 
brother Juan, who, at his advanced age, wants a yoke-fellow to administer 
to his necessities. The rustics lavished their clumsy panegyrics on the charity 
of Ambrose, and congratulated themselves that they might triumph over their 
neighbours, and boast of two holy personages residing in their country. 

Lamela, laden with a large wallet which he had not forgotten among the 
number of his purchases, went for the first time to reconnoitre the town of 
Cuenca, which is but a very short distance from the hermitage. With a mor- 
tified exterior, by which nature had dubbed him for a cheat, and the art of 
making that natural deception go as far as possible, by a most hypocritical and 
factitious array of features, he could not fail to play upon the feelings of the 
charitable and humane, and those whom heaven has blessed with affluence. 



208 GIL BLAS. 



His knapsack bore testimony to the extravagance of their pious liberalities. 
Master Ambrose, said I on his return, I congratulate you on your happy knack 
at softening the souls of all good Christians. As we hope to be saved ! one 
would suppose that you had been a mendicant friar among the Capuchins. I 
have done something else besides bringing in food for the convent, answered 
he. You must know that I have ferreted out a certain lass called Barbara, 
with whom I used to flirt formerly. She is as much altered as any of us : for 
she also has addicted herself to a godly life. She forms a coterie with two or 
three other sanctified dames, who are an example to the faithful in public, and 
flounce over head and ears in every sort of private vice. She did not know me 
again at first. What then, mistress Barbara, said I, is it possible that you 
should have discharged one of your oldest friends from your remembrance, 
your servant Ambrose ? As I am a true Christian, Signor de Lamela, ex- 
claimed she, I never thought to have turned you up in such a garb as that. By 
what transformation are you become a hermit ? This is more than I can tell 
you just now, rejoined I. The particulars are rather long; but I will come to- 
morrow evening and satisfy your curiosity. Nay, more ; I will bring brother 
Juan, my companion, along with me. Brother Juan, interrupted she, the 
venerable hermit who has taken up his saintly residence near this town ? You 
do not know what you are saying ; he is supposed to be more than a hundred 
years old. It is very true, said I, that he was of that age some little while 
ago ; but time, in deference to his sanctity, has gone backward with him ; and 
he is grown considerably younger within these few days. He is at present just 
about my turn of life. Say you so ! Then let us have him too, replied Bar- 
bara. I perceive there is something more in this mystery than the church will 
be able to explain. 

We did not miss our appointment with these whited sepulchres on the fol- 
lowing night. To make our reception the more agreeable, they had laid out 
a sumptuous entertainment. Off went our beards and cowls, and vestments of 
mortification ; and without any squeamishness we confessed our birth, educa- 
tion, and real character, to these sisters in hypocrisy. On their part, for fear 
of being behindhand with us in freedom from prejudice, they fairly let us see of 
what pretended religionists are capable, when they drop the veil of the sanc- 
tuary, and exhibit their unmanufactured faces. We spent almost the whole 
night at table, and got back to our grotto but a moment before daybreak. We 
were not long in repeating our visit ; or, if the truth must be told, it was 
nightly for three months ; till we had ate up more than two-thirds of our ways 
and means in the company of these delicate creatures. But an unsuccessful 
candidate for their favour got wind of our proceedings, and prated of our 
whereabout in the ear of justice, which was to have been in motion towards the 
hermitage this very day, to lay hold of our persons. Yesterday Ambrose, 
while picking up eleemosynaries at Cuenca, stumbled upon one of our whining 
sisterhood, who gave him a note, with this caution : A female friend of mine 
has written me this letter, which I was going to send to you by a man on pur- 
pose. Shew it to brother Juan, and regulate your proceedings accordingly. 
It was this very note, gentlemen, that Lamela gave me in your presence, which 
occasioned us to take so abrupt a leave of our solitary dwelling. 

Ch. II. — Don Raphaels consultation with his company, and their adventures as 
they were preparing to leave the wood. 

When Don Raphael had finished the narrative of his adventurous life, which, 
with all the other qualities of a romance, had the tediousness, Don Alphonso, 
according to the laws of good breeding, swore himself black in the face that 



ADVENTURES IN THE WOOD. 209 

he had been prodigiously entertained. After the usual exchange of compli- 
ments, Signor Ambrose put in his oar, with an admonitory hint to the partner 
of his exploits and peregrinations. Consider, Don Raphael, that the sun is 
setting. It would not be amiss, methinks, to take counsel on what we are to 
do. You are in the right, answered his comrade, we must determine on the 
place of our destination. For my own part, replied Lamela, I am of opinion 
that we should get upon the road again without loss of time, reach Requena 
to-night, and enter upon the territory of Valencia to-morrow, where we will go 
to work full tilt at our old trade. I have some prognosticating twitches, which 
tell me that we shall strike some good strokes in that quarter. His colleague, 
from ample experience of his infallibility in such prophecies, voted on his side 
of the question. As for Don Alphonso and myself, having nothing to do but 
to follow the lead of these two worthy gentlemen, we waited, in silent acquies- 
cence, the issue of this momentous debate. 

Thus it was determined that we should take the direction of Requena ; and 
all hands were piped to make the necessary arrangements. We made our 
meal after the same fashion as in the morning, and the horse was laden with 
the bottle, and with the remnant of our provisions. After a time, the approach 
of night seemed to promise us that darkness so friendly, and even so necessary, 
to the safety of our retreat ; and we were beginning our march through the 
wood : but before we had gone a hundred paces, a light among the trees gave 
us a subject of anxious speculation. What can be the meaning of that ? said 
Don Raphael ; these surely must be blood-hounds of the police from Cuenca, 
uncoupled and eager for the sport, with a fresh scent of us in this forest, and 
in full cry after their game. I am of a very different opinion, said Ambrose ; 
they are more likely to be benighted travellers taking shelter in the thicket till 
daybreak. But there is no trusting to conjecture : I will examine into the real 
truth. Stay you here all three of you ; I will be back again instantly. No 
sooner said than done ; he stole, just as if he had been used to it, towards the 
light, which was not far off ; no brute or human thief of forest or city could 
have done it better. With a gentle removal of the leaves and branches which 
obstructed his passage, the whole scene was laid open to his silent contempla- 
tion ; and it afforded sufficient food. On the grass, round about a lighted 
candle with a clod for its candlestick, were seated four men, just finishing a 
meat pie, and hugging a pretty large bottle, which was at its last gasp, after 
having sustained their alternate embraces for successive rounds. At some 
paces from these gentry, he espied a lady and gentleman tied to the trees, and 
a little further off, a carriage with two mules richly caparisoned. He deter- 
mined at once in his own mind that the fellows carousing on the ground were 
banditti ; and the tenor of their talk assured him that he had not belied their 
trade by his conjecture. The four cut-throats all avowed a like desire of pos- 
sessing the female who had fallen into their hands ; and they were proposing to 
draw lots for her. Lamela, having made himself master of the business, came 
back to us, and gave an exact account of all he had seen and heard. 

My friends, said Don Alphonso on his recital, that lady and gentleman whom 
the robbers have tied to trees, are probably persons of the first condition. Shall 
we suffer scoundrels like these to triumph over their honour and take away 
their lives ? Put yourselves under my direction : let us assail the desperate out- 
laws, and they will perish under our attack. With all my heart, said Don Ra- 
phael. It is all one to me, I had just as soon engage on the right side as on 
the wrong. Ambrose, for his part, protested that he wished for nothing better 
than to lend a hand in so moral an enterprise, as it promised to combine much 
profit with some share of honour. And indeed, if a man may speak a good 
word for himself, danger stood better recommended than usual to my compre- 



GIL BLAS. 



hension ; a!l the boiling courage of knighthood, pledged up to the knuckles or 
the chin on the behalf of female innocence, was oozing out at every pore of this 
chivalrous person. But, if we are to state facts in the spirit of history rather 
than of romance, the danger was more in imagination than in reality. Lamela 
having brought us word that the arms of the robbers were all piled up at the 
distance of ten or twelve paces out of their reach, there was no difficulty in 
securing the mastery of the field. We tied our horses to a tree, and drew near, 
as softly as possible, to the spot where the robbers were seated. They were 
debating with some impetuosity, and their vociferous argument was all in favour 
of our covert attack. We got possession of their arms before they had any 
suspicion of us. But the enemy was nearer than they imagined : too near to 
miss aim, and they were all stretched lifeless on the ground. 

During the conflict the candle went out, so that we proceeded in our business 
by guess-work. We were not remiss, however, in unbinding the prisoners, of 
whom fear had got such complete possession, that they had not their wits enough 
about them to thank us for what we had done for them. It must be allowed 
that they could not at first distinguish whether they w r ere to consider us as their 
deliverers, or as a fresh gang who had taken them out of one furnace to cast 
them hissing into another. But we recovered their spirits by the assurance, 
that we should lodge them safely in a public-house which Ambrose mentioned 
as not being more than half a mile off, whence they might take all necessary 
measures to pursue their journey in whatever direction they thought proper. 
After these words of comfort, which seemed to sink deep, we placed them in 
their carriage, and conducted them out of the wood, holding their mules by the 
bridle. Our clerical friends instituted a ghostly visitation to the pockets of the 
vanquished banditti. Our next step was to recover Don Alphonso's horse. 
We also took to ourselves the steeds of the robbers, waiting as they were to be 
released from the trees to which they were tied near the field of battle. With 
this extensive cavalcade we followed brother Antony, mounted on one of the 
mules, and conducting the carriage to the inn, whither we did not arrive in less 
than two hours, though he had pledged his credit that the distance from the 
wood was very short. 

We knocked roughly at the door. Every living creature was napping, except 
the fleas. The landlord and landlady got on their clothes in a hurry, and were 
not at all annoyed at finding their rest disturbed by the arrival of an equipage, 
which promised to do more for the good of the house than it eventually did. 
The whole inn was lighted up in an instant. Don Alphonso and the stage-bred 
son of Lucinda lent their assistance to the gentleman and lady in alighting from 
the carriage, and acted as their ushers in leading the way to the room prepared 
for them by the landlord. Compliments flew backwards and forwards like 
shuttlecocks ; but we were not a little astonished at discovering the Count de 
Polan himself and his daughter Seraphina, in the persons Ave had just rescued. 
It would be difficult to represent by words the surprise of that lady, as well as^ 
of Don Alphonso, when they recognized each other's features. The count took' 
no notice of it, his attention being engrossed by other matters. He*t about 
relating to us in what manner the robbers had attacked him, and how they 
secured his daughter and himself, after having killed his postilion, a page, and 
a valet-de-chambre. He ended with declaring how deeply he felt his obliga- 
tion ; and that if we would call upon him at Toledo, where he should be in a 
month, we should judge for ourselves whether he felt as a grateful heart ought 
to feel. 

His lordship's daughter was not backward in her acknowledgments for her 
timely rescue ; and as we were of opinion, that is, Raphael and myself, that we 
should do a good turn to Don Alphonso by giving him an opportunity of a 



THE COUNT DE POLAN AND SERAPHINA RESCUED. 211 

minute's private parley with the young -widow, we contrived to keep the Count 
de Polan in play. Lovely Seraphina, said Don Alphonso to the lady in a low 
voice, I no longer lament over the lot which obliges me to live like a man ban- 
ished from civil society, since I have been so fortunate as to assist in the im- 
portant service just rendered you. What then ! answered she, with a sigh, is 
it you who have saved my life and honour? Is it to you that we are so indebted, 
myself equally with my father ? Ah ! Don Alphonso, why were you the instru- 
ment of my brother's death ? She said no more upon the subject; but he con- 
ceived clearly by these words, and by the tone in which they were pronounced, 
that if he was over head and ears in love with Seraphina, she was equally out 
of her depth in the same passion. 



BOOK THE SIXTH. 

Ch. I. — The fate of Gil Bias and his Companions after they took leave of the 
Count de Polan. One of Ambrose 's notable contrivances set off by the -manner 
of its execution. 

The Count de Polan, after having exhausted half the night in thanking us, and 
protesting that we might reckon upon his substantial acknowledgments, sent 
for the landlord to consult him on the best method of getting safely to Turis, 
whither it was his intention to go. We had nothing to do with this nobleman's 
further progress, and therefore left him to take his own measures. Our de- 
parture from the inn was now resolved on ; and we followed Lamela like sheep 
after the bell-wether. 

After two hours' travelling, the day overtook us near Campillo. We made 
as expeditiously as possible for the mountains between that hamlet and Requena. 
There we wore out the day in taking our rest and reckoning up our stock, which 
the spoil of the robbers had considerably replenished, to the amount of more 
than three hundred pistoles, the lawful ravage of their pockets. We began 
our march again with the setting-in of the night ; and on the following morning 
reached the frontier of Valencia in safety. We got quietly into the first wood 
that offered as a shelter. The inmost recesses of it were best suited to our pur- 
pose, and led us on by winding paths to a spot where a rivulet of transparent 
water was meandering in its slow and silent course, to incorporate with the 
waters of Guadalaviar. The refreshing shade afforded by the foliage, and 
the rich pasturage in which our toil-worn beasts so much delighted, would have 
fixed this for the place of our hailing, if our resolution had not been previously 
taken to that effect. 

We therefore alighted, and were preparing to pass the day very pleasantly, 
but a good breakfast was amongst the foremost of our intended pleasures ; and 
we found that there was very little ammunition left. Bread was beginning to 
be a nonentity ; and our bottle was becoming an evidence of the material 
system, mere carnal leather without a vivifying soul. Gentlemen, said Ambrose, 
scenery and the picturesque have but hungry charms for me, unless Bacchus 
and Ceres preside over the landscape. Our provisions must be lengthened out. 
For this purpose, away post I to Xelva. It is a very pretty town, not more 
than two leagues off. I shall soon make this little excursion. Speaking after 
this manner, he slung the bottle and the wallet over a horse's back, leaped 
merrily into his seat, and shot out of the wood with a rapidity which seemed 
to bid fair for a speedy return. 



GIL BLAS. 



He did not, however, come back quite so soon as he had given us reason to 
expect. More than half the day had elapsed ; nay, night herself was already 
pranking up her dun and gloomy wings, to overshadow the thicket with a denser 
horror, when we saw our purveyor once again, whose long stay was begin- 
ning to give us some uneasiness. Our extreme wishes were lame and impotent, 
compared with the abundance of his stores. He not only produced the bottle 
filled with some excellent wine, and the wallet stuffed with game and poultry 
ready dressed, to say nothing of bread ; the horse was laden besides with a 
large bundle of stuffs, of which we could make neither head nor tail. He took 
notice of our wonder, and said with a smile : I will lay a wager, neither Don 
Raphael nor all the colleges of soothsayers upon earth can guess why I have 
bought these articles. With this fling at our dulness, we untied the bundle, 
and lectured on the intrinsic value of what we had been considering only as an 
empty pageant. In the inventory was a cloak and a black gown of trailing 
dimensions ; doublets, breeches, and hose to correspond ; an inkstand and 
writing paper, such as a secretary of state need not be ashamed of ; a key, such 
as a treasurer might carry ; a great seal and green wax, such as a chancellor 
might affix to his decrees. When he had at length exhausted the display of his 
bargains, Don Raphael observed in a bantering tone — Faith and troth, Master 
Ambrose, it must be confessed that you have made a good sensible speculation. 
But pray, how do you mean to turn the penny on your purchase ? Let me 
alone for that, answered Lamela. All these things cost me only ten pistoles, 
and it shall go hard but they bring us in above five hundred. The tens in 
five hundred are fifty ; a good improvement of money, my masters ! I am not 
a man to burden myself with a trumpery pedlar's pack ; and to prove to you 
that I have not been making ducks and drakes of our joint stock, I will let you 
into the secret of a plan which has just taken birth in my pericranium. 

After having laid in my stock of bread, I went into a cook's shop, where I 
ordered a range of partridges, chickens, and young rabbits, half-a-dozen of 
each, to be put instantly on the spit. While these relishing little articles were 
roasting, in came a man in a violent passion, open-mouthed against the coarse 
conduct of a tradesman to his consequential self. This faggot of fuiy observed 
to the lord paramount of the dripping-pan : By St James ! Samuel Simon is 
the most wrong-headed retail dealer in the town of Xelva. He has just insulted 
me in his own shop before his customers. The skinflint would not trust me for 
six ells of cloth, though he knows very well that my credit is as good as the 
bank, and that no one could say he ever lost anything by me. Are not you 
delighted with the outlandish monster? He has no objection to getting people 
of fashion on his books. He had rather toss up heads or tails with them, than 
oblige a plain citizen in an honest way, and be paid in full at the time appointed. 
What a strange whim ! But he is an infernal Jew. He will be taken in some 
day or other ! All the merchants on the Exchange are lying in wait to catch 
him upon the hip ; and his disgrace or ruin will be nuts to me. 

While this reptile of the warehouse was thus spitting his spite and blurting 
out many other ill-natured inuendos, there came over me a sort of astrological 
anticipation that I should be lord of the ascendant over this Samuel Simon. My 
friend, said I to the man who was complaining against that hawker of damaged 
goods, of what character is the strange fellow you are talking about ? Of a con- 
foundedly bad character, answered he in a pet. Depend on it, he is one of the 
most extortionate usurers in existence, though with the ^affectation of not letting 
his left hand know what his right gives away in charity. He was a Jew, and 
has turned Catholic ; but rip your way into his heart if he has any, and you will 
find him still as inveterate a Jew as ever Pilate was. As for his conversion it 
was all in the way of trade. 



AMBROSE'S NOTABLE CONTRIVANCE. 213 

I took in with greedy ear the whole invective of the shop-keeping declaimant, 
and failed not, on coming out of the eating-house, to inquire for Samuel 
Simon's residence. A person directed me to the part of the town, and there 
was no difficulty in finding out the house. It was not enough to skim my eye 
cursorily over his shop. I peered into every hole and corner of it ; and my 
imagination, always on the alert when any profit is to be picked up, has already 
engendered a rogue's trick, which only waits the period of gestation, when it 
may turn out a bantling not unworthy to be fathered by the sanctimonious 
servant of Signor Gil Bias. Straightway went I to the ready-made ware- 
house, where I bought these dresses, into which we may stuff an inquisitor, a 
notary, and an alguazil, and play the parts in the spirit of the solemn offices 
they represent. 

Ah ! my dear Ambrose, interrupted Don Raphael, transported with rapture 
at the suggestion, what a wonderful idea ! a glorious scheme indeed ! I am quite 
jealous of the contrivance. Willingly would I blot out the proudest quarter 
from my escutcheon, to have owned an effort of genius so transcendent. Yes, 
Lamela, I see, my friend, all the rich invention of the design, and you need be 
at no loss for instruments to carry it into effect. You want two good actors to 
play up to you ; and you have not far to look for them. You have yourself 
a face that can look sanctified, magisterial, or blood-thirsty at will, and may do 
very well to represent the inquisition. My character shall be that of the notary ; 
and Signor Gil Bias, if he pleases, may enact the alguazil. Thus are the per- 
sons of the drama distributed : to-morrow we will play the piece, and I will 
pledge myself for its success, bating one of those unlucky chance medleys, which 
turn awry the currents of the most pithy and momentous enterprises. 

As yet Don Raphael's masterpiece of roguery had made but a clumsy im- 
pression on my plodding brain ; but the argument of the fable was developed 
at supper-time, and the hinge upon which it turned was, to my mind, of an in- 
genious contrivance. After having despatched part of our game, and bled our 
bottle to the last stage of evacuation, we stretched our length upon the grass, 
and soon fell fast asleep. Up with you ! up with you ! was the alarum of Signor 
Ambrose, as the day began to dawn. People who have a great enterprise on 
hand ought not to indulge themselves in indolence. A plague upon you, master 
inquisitor, said Don Raphael, rubbing his eyes, you are confounded early on the 
move ! It is as good as an order for execution to master Samuel Simon. Many 
a true word is spoken in jest, replied Lamela. Nay, you shall know more, 
added he with a sarcastic grin. I dreamt last night that I was plucking the 
hairs out of his beard. Was not that a left-handed dream for him, master se- 
cretary ? These pleasant hits were followed by a thousand others, which called 
forth new bursts of merriment. Our breakfast passed off with the utmost gaiety ; 
and when it was over, we made our arrangements for the pageant we had got 
up. Ambrose arrayed himself in sables, as befitted so ghostly an instrument for 
the suppression of vice. We also took to our official habits ; nor has the dig- 
nity of magistracy been often more gravely represented than by Don Raphael 
and myself The making up of our persons was rather a tedious operation ; 
for it was later than two o'clock in the afternoon when we sallied from the wood 
to attend our call at Xelva. It is true, there was no huriy, since the play was 
not to begin till the setting-in of the evening. That being the case, we jogged 
on leisurely, and stopped at the gates of the town till the day was closed. 

At that eventful hour, we left our horses where they were, to the care of Don 
Alphonso, who was very well satisfied to have so humble a cast in the distribu- 
tion. As for Don Raphael, Ambrose, and myself, our first visit was not to 
Samuel Simon in person, but to a tavern-keeper who lived very near him. His 
reverence the inquisitor walked foremost. In went he to the bar, and said 



214 GIL BLAS. 



gravely to the landlord : Master, I want to speak a word with you in private. 
The obsequious publican shewed us into a room, where Lamela, now that we 
had got him to ourselves, said : I have the honour to be an unworthy member 
of the holy office, and am come here on a business of very great importance. 
At this intimation, the man of liquor turned pale, and answered in a tremulous 
tone that he v/as not conscious of having given any umbrage to the holy inquisi- 
tion. True, replied Ambrose with encouraging affability ; neither do we 
meditate any harm against you. Heaven forbid, that august tribunal, too hasty 
in its punishments, should make no distinction between guilt and innocence. 
It is unrelenting, but always just : to become obnoxious to its vengeance, you 
must have earned its displeasure by wickedness or contumacy. Be satisfied 
therefore that it is not you who bring me to Xelva, but a certain dealer and chap- 
man, by name Samuel Simon. A very ugly story about him has come round 
to us. He is still a Jew in his heart, they say ; and has only embraced Chris- 
tianity from sordid and secular motives. I command you, in the name of the 
tremendous court I represent, to tell me all you know about that man. Beware 
how you are induced by good neighbourhood, or possibly by close friendship, to 
gloss over and palliate his errors ; for, I warn you authoritatively, if I detect 
the slightest prevarication in your evidence, you are yourself even as one of the 
abandoned and accursed. Where is my secretary ? pursued he, turning down 
towards Don Raphael. Sit down and do your duty. 

Mr Secretary, with his paper already in his hand and his pen behind his ear, 
took his seat most pompously, and made ready to take down the landlord's 
deposition ; who promised solemnly on his part not to suppress one tittle of the 
real fact. So far, so good ! said the worshipful commissioner ; we have only 
to proceed in our examination. You will only just answer my questions ; but 
do not interlard your replies with any comments of your own. Do you often 
see Samuel Simon at church ? I never thought of looking for him, said the 
drawer of corks ; but I do not know that I ever saw him there in my life. 
Very good ! cried the inquisitor. Write down that the defendant never goes 
to church. I do not say so, your worship, answered the landlord, I only say 
that I never happened to see him there. We may have been at church together 
and yet not have come across each other. My good friend, replied Lamela, 
you forget that you are deposing to facts, and not arguing. Remember what I 
told you ; contempt of court is a heinous offence. You are to give a sound and 
discreet evidence ; every iota of what makes against him, and not a word in 
his favour, if you knew volumes. If that is your practice, O upright and im- 
partial judge, resumed our host, my testimony will scarcely be worth the trouble 
-of taking. I know nothing about the tradesman you are inquiring after ; and 
therefore can tell neither good nor harm of him : but if you wish to examine 
into the history of his private life, I will run and call Gaspard, his apprentice, 
whom you may question as much as you please. The lad comes and takes his 
glass here sometimes with his friends. Bless us, what a tongue ! He will rip 
up all the minutest actions of his master's life, and find employment for your 
secretary till his wrist aches, take my word for it. 

I like your open dealing, said Ambrose with a nod of approbation. To point 
out a man so capable of speaking to the bad morals of Simon, is an instance of 
Christian charity as well as of religious zeal. I shall report you very favourably 
to the inquisition. Make haste, therefore ; go and fetch this Gaspard, of whom 
you speak ; but do the thing cautiously, so that his master may have no sus- 
picion of what is going forward. The multiplier of scores acquitted himself of 
his commission with due diligence and laudable privacy. Our little shopman 
came along with him. The youth had a tongue with a tang, and was just the 
sort of fellow that we wanted. Welcome, my good young man ! said Lamela. 



EXAMINA TION OF SIMON'S APPRENTICE. 2 1 5 

You behold in me an inquisitor, appointed by that venerable body to collect 
informations against Samuel Simon, on an accusation of still adhering to Juda- 
ism in his secret devotions. You are an inmate of his family, consequently you 
must be an eye-witness to many of his most private transactions. It probably 
may be unnecessary to warn you, that you are obliged in conscience, and by fear 
of punishment, to declare all you know about him, notwithstanding any promise 
to the contrary, when I order you so to do on the part of the holy inquisition. 
May it please your reverence, answered the plodding little rascal, I am quite 
ready to satisfy your heart's desire on that head, without being commanded 
thereto in the name of the holy office. If ever my acquittal was to depend on 
my master's character of me, I am persuaded that my chance would be a sorry 
one ; and for that reason, I shall serve him as he would serve me. And I may 
tell you in the first place, that he is a fly-by-night whose proceedings it is no 
easy matter to take measure of ; a man who puts on all the starch formalities 
of an inveterate religionist, but at bottom has not a spark of principle in his 
composition. He goes every evening dangling after a little girl no better than 
she should be ... . I am vastly glad indeed to find that, interrupted Ambrose, 
because I plainly perceive, by all you have been telling me, that he is a man 
of corrupt morals and licentious practices. But answer point by point to the 
questions I shall put to you. It is above all on the subject of religion that I 
am commissioned to inquire into his sentiments and conduct. Pray tell me, 
do you eat much pork at your house ? I do not think, answered Gaspard, that 
we have seen it at table twice in the year that I have lived with him. Better 
and better ! replied the paragon of inquisitors : write down in legible characters 
that they never eat pork in Samuel Simon's family. But as a set-off against 
that, doubtless a joint of lamb is served up every now and then ? Yes, every 
now and then, rejoined the apprentice ; we killed one for our own consumption 
about last Easter. The season is pat and to the purpose, cried the ecclesiastical 
commissioner. Come, write down, that Simon keeps the passover: This goes 
on merrily to a complete conviction ; and it seems, we have got a good service- 
able information here. 

Tell me again, my friend, pursued Lamela, whether you have not often seen 
your master fondle young children. A thousand times, answered Gaspard. 
When he sees the little urchins playing about before the shop, if they happen 
to be pretty, he calls them in and makes much of them. Write that down, be 
sure you write that down ! interrupted the inquisitor. Samuel Simon is very 
grievously suspected of lying in wait for Christian children, and enticing them 
into his den to circumcise them. Vastly well ! vastly well, indeed, Master 
Simon ! you will have an account to settle with the society for the suppression 
of Judaism, take my word for it. Do not take it into your savage head that 
such bloody sacrifices are to be perpetrated with impunity. A pretty use you 
make of baptism and shaving ! Cheer up, religious Gaspard, thou foremost of 
elect apprentices ! Make a full confession of all thy master's sins ; complete 
thine honest testimony by telling us how this simular of a Catholic is more 
than ever wedded to his Jewish customs and ceremonies. Is it not a fact, that 
one day in the week he sits with his hands before him, and will not even per- 
form the most necessary offices for himself? No, answered Gaspard, I have not 
exactly observed that. What comes nearest to it is that on some days he shuts 
himself up in his closet, and stays there a long time. Ay ! now we have it, 
exclaimed the commissary. He keeps the sabbath, or I am not an inquisitor. 
Note that particularly, officer ; note that he observes the fast of the sabbath 
most superstitiously ! Out upon him ! What a shocking fellow ! One question 
more, and his business is done. Is not he always parleying about Jerusalem ? 
Pretty often indeed, replied our informer. He knows the Old Testament by 



216 GIL BLAS. 



heart, and tells us how the temple of Jerusalem was destroyed. The very thing ! 
resumed Ambrose. Secretary ! be sure you do not neglect that feature of the 
case. Write, in letters of an inch long, that Samuel Simon has contracted 
with the devil for the rebuilding of the temple, and that he is plotting day 
and night for the re-establishment of his nation. That is all I want to know ; 
and it is labour in vain to pursue the examination any further. What Gaspard, 
in the spirit of truth and charity, has deposed, would be sufficient to make a 
bonfire of all Jewry. 

When the august mouth-piece of the holy tribunal had sifted the little 
scoundrelly apprentice after this manner, he told him he might go about his 
business ; at the same time commanding him, under the severest penalties of 
the inquisition, not to say a word to his master about what was going forward. 
Gaspard promised implicit obedience, and marched off. We were not long in 
coming after him : our procession from the inn was as grave and solemn as our 
pilgrimage thereunto, till we knocked at Samuel Simon's door. He opened it 
in person. Three figures such as ours might have dumbfounded a better man ; 
but his face was as long as a lawsuit, when Lamela, our spokesman, said to him 
in a tone of authority : Master Samuel, I command you in the name of the 
holy inquisition, whose delegate I have the honour to be, to give me the key 
of your closet without murmur or delay. I want to see if I cannot find where- 
withal to corroborate certain hints which have been communicated to us re- 
specting you. 

The son of commerce, aghast at these sounds of melancholy import, reeled 
two steps backward, just as if some one had given him a blow in the bread- 
basket. Far from smelling a rat in this pleasant trick of ours, he fancied in 
good earnest that some secret enemy had made him an object of suspicion to 
the holy hue-and-cry ; and it might possibly have happened that, from being 
rather clumsy at his new duties as a Christian, he might be conscious of having 
laid himself open to serious animadversion. However that might be, I never 
saw a man look more foolish. He did as he was ordered without saying nay ; 
and opened all his lock-up places with the sheepish acquiescence of a man, who 
stood in awe of an ecclesiastical rap on the knuckles. At least, said Ambrose 
as he went in, at least you are not a contumacious oppugner of our resistless 
mandates. But withdraw into another room, and leave me to fulfil the duties 
of my station without profane obseivers. Samuel did not set his face against 
this command any more than against the first : but kept himself quiet in his 
shop, while we went all three of us into his closet, where, without loss of time, 
we laid an embargo on his cash. It was no difficult matter to find it ; for it 
lay in an open coffer, and in much larger quantity than we could carry away. 
There were a great many bags heaped up ; but all in silver. Gold would have 
been more to our mind ; but, as robbers must not be choosers any more than 
beggars, we were obliged to yield to the necessity of the case. Not only did 
we line our pockets with ducats ; but the most unsearchable parts of our dress 
were made the receptacles of our filchings. Yet was there no outward shew of 
the heavy burden under which we tottered ; thanks to the cunning contrivance 
of Ambrose and Don Raphael, who proved that there is nothing like being 
master of one's trade. 

We marched out of the closet, after having feathered our nests pretty warmly ; 
and then, for a reason which the reader will have no great difficulty in guessing, 
the worshipful inquisitor produced his padlock, and fixed it on the door with 
his own hands : he affixed moreover his own seal, and then said to Simon : 
Master Samuel, I forbid you, in the name of the holy inquisition, to touch 
either this padlock or this seal, which it is your bounden duty to hold sacred, 
since it is the authentic seal of our holy office. I shall return hither this time 



WHAT THEY DID AFTER THE ROBBERY OF SIMON. 217 

to-morrow, then and here to open my commission, and provisionally to take 
off the interdict. With this injunction, he ordered the street door to be opened, 
and we made our escape after the processional manner, out of our wits with 
joy. As soon as we had marched about fifty yards, we began to mend our 
pace into such a quick step, aggravated by degrees into a leap and a bound, 
that we were almost like vaulters and tumblers, in spite of the weight we car- 
ried. We were soon out of town ; and mounting our horses once more, pushed 
forward towards Segorba, with many a pious ejaculation to the God Mercury, 
on the happy issue of so bold an attempt. 

Ch. II. — The determination of Don Alphonso and Gil Bias after this adventure. 

We travelled all night, according to our modest and unobtrusive custom ; so 
that we found ourselves at sunrise near a little village two leagues from 
Segorba. As we were all tired to death, it was agreed unanimously to strike 
out of the highway, and rest under the shade of some willows, which we saw at 
the foot of a little hill, about ten or twelve hundred yards from the village, 
where it did not seem expedient for us to halt. These willows furnished us 
with an agreeable retreat, by the side of a little brook which bubbled as it 
washed their roots. The place struck our fancy, and we resolved to pass the 
day there. We unbridled our horses, and turned them out to grass, stretching 
our own gentle limbs on the soft sod. There we courted the drowsy god of 
innocent repose for a while, and then rummaged to the bottom of our wallet 
and our wine-skin. After an ecclesiastical breakfast, we counted up our ten 
tithes of Samuel Simon's money ; and it mounted to a round three thousand 
ducats. So that with such a sum and what we had before, it might be said, 
without boasting, that we knew how to make both ends meet. 

As it was necessary to go to market, Ambrose and Don Raphael, throwing 
off their dresses now the play was over, said that they would take that office 
conjointly on themselves: the adventure at Xeha had only sharpened their 
wit, and they had a mind to look about Segorba, just to make the experiment 
whether any opportunity might offer of striking another stroke. You have no- 
thing to do, added the heir of Lucinda's wit and wisdom, but to wait for us 
under these willows : we shall not be long before we are with you again. 
Signor Don Raphael, exclaimed I with a horse-laugh, tell us rather to wait for 
you under a more substantial tree ; the gallows. If you once leave us, we are 
in a month's mind that we shall not see you again till the day after the fair. 
This suspicion of our honour goes against the grain, replied Signor Ambrose ; 
but we deserve that our characters should suffer in your esteem. It is but rea- 
son that you should distrust our purity, after the affair at Valladolid, and 
should fancy that we shall make it no more a matter of conscience to play at the 
devil take the hindmost with you, than with the party that we left in the luich 
in that town. Yet you deceive yourselves egregiously. The gang upon whom 
we turned the tables were people of very bad character, and their company be- 
gan to be disreputable to us. Thus far justice must be done to the members of 
our profession, that there is no bond in all civilized life less liable to be broken 
by personal and private interest ; but when there are no feelings in common, 
our good understanding will be the worse for wear, as it happens among other 
descriptions of men. Wherefore, Signor Gil Bias, I entreat you, and Signor 
Don Alphonso as well as you, to be somewhat more liberal in your construc- 
tion of us, and to set your hearts at respecting Don Raphael's and my whim 
about going to Segorba. 

It is the easiest thing in the world, observed Lucinda's hopeful brat, to quash 
all subject of uneasiness on that score: they have only to remain treasurers of 



2i 8 GIL BLAS. 



the exchequer, and they will have a sufficient pledge in their hands for our re- 
turn. You see, Signor Gil Bias, that we are all fair and above-board. You 
shall both hold security for our re-appearance, and you may rest assured that 
for Ambrose and myself, we shall set off without the slightest misgiving of your 
taking to your heels with so valuable a deposit. After so substantial a proof 
of our good faith, will you not place implicit confidence in us ? Yes, gentle- 
men, said I, and you may do at once whatever seems good in your own eyes. 
They took their departure immediately, carrying the bottle and the wallet along 
with them, and left me under the willows with Don Alphonso, who said to me 
after they were out of sight : Now is the time, Signor Gil Bias, now is the time 
to open my heart to you. I am angry with myself for having been so easily 
prevailed on to herd thus far with these two knaves. You have no idea how 
many times I have quarrelled with myself on that score. Yesterday evening, 
while I was watching the horses, a thousand mortifying reflections rushed upon 
my mind. I thought it did not become a young man of honourable principles 
to live among such scurvy fellows as Don Raphael and Lamela ; that if by ill- 
luck some day or other, and many a more unlikely thing has happened, the 
success of our swindling tricks should throw us into the hands of justice, I 
might sustain the shame of being tried with them as a reputed thief, and under- 
going the disgraceful sentence of the law. These frightful thoughts present 
themselves incessantly to my imagination, and I will own to you that I have 
determined, as the only means of escape from the contamination of their bad 
actions, to part from them for ever. I can scarcely suppose that you will dis- 
approve of my design. No, I promise you, answered I : though you have 
seen me perform the part of the alguazil in Samuel Simon's comedy, do not 
fancy that such pieces as those are got up to my taste. I take heaven to wit- 
ness that while acting in so witty a scene, I said to myself : Faith and troth, 
master Gil Bias, if justice should come and lay hold of you by the wesand at 
this moment, you would well deserve the penitential wages of your iniquity. 
I feel therefore no more disposed than yourself, Don Alphonso, to tarry longer 
in such bad company ; and if you think well of it, I will bear you company. 
When these gentlemen come back, we will demand a balancing of the accounts, 
and to-morrow morning, or even to-night before to-morrow, we will make our 
bow to them. 

The lovely Seraphina's lover approved my proposal. Let us get to Valencia, 
said he, and we will embark for Italy, where we shall be able to enter into the 
service of the Venetian republic. Will it not be far better to take up the pro- 
fession of arms, than to lead such a dastardly and disreputable life as we are 
now engaged in ? We shall even be in a condition to make a very handsome 
figure with the money that will be coming to us. Not that I appropriate to 
myself without remorse a fund so unfairly established ; but besides that neces- 
sity obliges me to it, if ever I acquire any property in my campaigns, I make a 
vow to indemnify Samuel Simon. I gave Don Alphonso to understand that 
my sentiments coincided with his own, and we resolved at once to separate 
ourselves from our companions on the following morning before daybreak. We 
were above the temptation of profiting by their absence, that is, of marching off 
in a hurry with the sum total of the finances : the confidence they had reposed 
in leaving us masters of the whole revenue, did not permit such a thought so 
much as to pass through our minds. 

Ambrose and Don Raphael returned from Segorba just at the close of day. 
The first thing they told us was, that their journey had been propitious; for 
they had laid the corner-stone of a rascality which, to all appearance, would 
turn out still better than that of the evening before. And thereupon the son of 
Lucinda was going to put us in possession of the details ; but Don Alphonso cut 



D ON ALPHONSO A CKNO WLED GED B Y HIS FA THBB. 2 1 9 

him short in his explanation, and declared at once his intention of parting com- 
pany. I announced my own wish to do the same. To no purpose did they 
employ all their rhetoric, to prove to us the propriety of our accompanying 
them in their professional travels : we took leave of them the next morning, 
after having made an equal division of our cash, and pushed on towards Va- 
lencia. 

Ch. III. — An unfortunate occurrence, which terminated to the high delight of 
Don Alphonso. Gil Bias meets with an adventure which places him all at 
once in a very superior situation. 

We galloped on gaily as far as Bunol, where, as ill-luck would have it, we were 
obliged to stop. Don Alphonso was taken ill. His disorder was a high fever, 
with such an access of alarming symptoms, as put me in fear for his life. By the 
greatest mercy in the world, the place was not beset by a single physician, and 
I got clear off without any harm but my fright. He was quite out of danger at 
the end of three days, and with my nursing, his recovery was rapid and without 
relapse. He seemed to be very grateful for my attentions ; and as we really 
and truly felt a liking for each other, we swore an eternal friendship. 

At length we got on our journey again, in the constant determination, when 
we arrived at Valencia, of profiting by the first opportunity which might offer 
to go over into Italy. But heaven disposed of us differently. We saw at the gate 
of a fine castle some country people of both sexes making merry and dancing 
in a ring. We went near to be spectators of their revels ; and Don Alphonso 
was never less prepared than for the surprise which all at once came over his 
senses. He found it was Baron Steinbach, who was as little backward in re- 
cognizing him, but ran up to him with open arms, and exclaimed, in accents of 
unbridled joy — Ah, Don Alphonso ! is it you ? What a delightful meeting ! 
While search was making for you in every direction, chance presents you to my 
view. 

My fellow-traveller dismounted immediately, and ran to embrace the baron, 
whose joy seemed to me of an extravagant nature. Come, my long-lost son, 
said the good old man, you shall now be informed of your own birth, and know 
the happy destiny that awaits you. As he uttered these words, he conducted 
him into the castle. I went in along with them ; for while they were exchang- 
ing salutations, I had alighted and tied our horses to a tree. The lord of the 
castle was the first person whom we met. He was about the age of fifty, and 
a very well-looking man. Sir, said Baron Steinbach as he introduced Don 
Alphonso, behold your son. At these words, Don Csesar de Leyva, for by that 
title the lord of the castle was called, threw his arms round Don Alphonso's 
neck, and weeping with joy, muttered indistinctly, My dear son, know in me 
the author of your being. If I have for so long left you in ignorance of your 
birth and family, rest assured that the self-denial was mine in the most painful 
degree. I have a thousand times been ready to burst with anxiety, but it was 
impossible to act otherwise. I had married your mother from sheer attach- 
ment, for her origin was very inferior to mine. I lived under the control of an 
austere father, whose severity rendered it necessary to keep secret a marriage 
contracted without his sanction. Baron Steinbach, and he alone, was in my 
confidence : he brought you up at my request, and under my directions. At 
length my father is laid with his ancestors, and I can own you for my son and 
heir. This is not all ; I can give you for a bride a young lady whose rank is on 
a level with my own. Sir, interrupted Don Alphonso, make me not pay too 
dear for the happiness you have just been throwing in my lap. May I not be 
told that I have the honour of being your son without being informed at the 



GIL BLAS. 



same time that you are determined to make me miserable ? Ah, sir ! be not 
more cruel than your own father. If he did not consent to the indulgence of 
your passion, at least he never compelled you to take another wife. My son, re- 
plied Don Caesar, I have no wish to exercise a tyranny over your inclinations, 
which I spurned at in my own case. But have the good manners just to see 
the lady I design for you, that is all I require from your filial duty. Though a 
lovely creature and a very advantageous match, I promise never to force you 
into marriage. She is now in this castle. Follow me ; you will be obliged to 
acknowledge that you have rarely seen a more attractive object. So saying, 
he led Don Alphonso into a room where I made myself one of the party with 
Baron Steinbach. 

There was the Count de Polan with his two daughters, Seraphina and Julia, 
and Don Ferdinand de Leyva, his son-in-law, who was Don Caesar's nephew. 
Don Fei-dinand, as was mentioned before, had eloped with Julia, and it was on 
the occasion of the marriage between these two lovers that the peasantry of the 
neighbourhood were collected on this day to congratulate the bride and bride- 
groom. As soon as Don Alphonso made his appearance, and his father had 
introduced him to the company, the Count de Polan rose from his chair and 
ran to embrace him, saying — Welcome, my deliverer ! Don Alphonso, added 
he, addressing his discourse to him, observe the power of virtue over generous 
minds. Though you have killed my son, you have saved my life. I lay aside 
my resentment for ever, and give you that very Seraphina whose honour you 
protected from invasion. In so doing, my debt to you is paid. Don Caesars 
son was not wanting in acknowledgments to the Count de Polan, nor could he be 
otherwise than deeply affected by his goodness ; and it maybe doubted whether 
the discoveiy of his birth and parentage touched his felicity more nearly t % an 
the intelligence that he was the destined husband of Seraphina. This marriage 
was actually solemnized some days afterwards, to the entire satisfaction of all 
parties concerned. 

As I was one of the Count de Polan's deliverers, this nobleman, who knew 
me again immediately, said that he would take upon himself the care of making 
my fortune. I thanked him for his liberality, but would not leave Don Al- 
phonso, who made me steward of his household, and honoured me with his con- 
fidence. A few days after his marriage, still harping upon the trick which had 
been played to Samuel Simon, he sent me to return to that cozened shopkeeper 
all the money which had been filched from him. I went therefore to make 
restitution. This was setting up the trade of a steward, but beginning at the 
wrong end : they ought all of them to end with restitution ; but nine hundred 
and ninety-nine out of a thousand think it double trouble, and excuse themselves. 



BOOK THE SEVENTH. 

Ch. I. — The tender attachment between Gil Bias and Dame Lorenza Sephora. 

Away went I to Xelva with three thousand ducats under my charge, as an 
equivalent to Samuel Simon for the amount of his loss. I will have the honesty 
to own, that my fingers itched as I jogged along, to transfer these funds to my 
own account, and begin my stewardship in character, since everything in this life 
depends upon setting out well. There was no risk in preferring instinct to 
principle : because it was only to ride about the country for five or six days, 



GIL BLAS STEWARD TO DON ALPHONSO. 221 

and come home upon a brisk trot as if I had done my business and made the best 
of my way. Don Alphonso and his father would never have believed me capa- 
ble of a breach of trust. Yet, strange to tell, I was proof against so tempting a 
suggestion : it would scarcely be too much to say, that honour, not the fear of 
being found out, was the spring of so praiseworthy a decision ; and as times go, 
that is saying a great deal for a lad, whose conscience had been pretty well 
seasoned by keeping company with a succession of scoundrels. Many people who 
have not that excuse, but frequent worshipful society, will wonder how such 
squeamishness should have prevailed over my good sense : treasurers of charities 
in particular ; persons who have the wills of relations in their custody, and do 
not exactly like the contents ; in short, all those whose characters stand higher 
than their principles, will find food for reflection in my overstrained scrupu- 
losity. 

After having made restitution to the merchant, who little thought ever to 
have seen one farthing of his property again, I returned to the castle of Leyva. 
The Count de Polan had taken his departure, • and was far on his journey 
to Toledo with Julia and Don Ferdinand. I found my new master more 
wrapped up than ever in Seraphina ; his Seraphina equally wrapped up in my 
master, and Don Caesar just as much wrapped up as either in the contempla- 
tion of the happy couple. My object was to gain the goodwill of this affec- 
tionate father, and I succeeded to my wish. The whole house was placed 
implicitly under my superintendence — nothing was done without my special 
direction ; the tenants paid their rents into my hands ; the disbursements of 
the family were all under my revision ; and the subordinate situations in the 
household were at my disposal without appeal ; and yet the power of tyranniz- 
ing did not give me the inclination, as it has always hitherto done to my equals 
and superiors. I neither turned away the male servants, because I did not 
like the cut of their beards, nor the female ones because they happened not to 
like the cut of mine. If they made up to Don Caesar or his son at once, with- 
out currying my favour as the channel of all good graces, far from taking 
umbrage at them on that account, I spoke out officiously in their behalf. In 
other respects, too, the marks of confidence my two masters were incessantly 
lavishing on me inspired me with a substantial zeal for their service. Their | 
interest was my real object : there was no slight of hand in my ministry ; I was 
such a caterer for the general good, as you rarely meet with in private families 
or in political societies. 

While I was hugging myself on the well-earned prosperity of my condition, 
love, jealous of my dealings with fortune, was bent on sharing my gratitude by 
the addition of a higher zest. He planted, watered, and ripened in the heart of 
Darne Lorenza Sephora, Seraphina's confidential woman, an abundant crop 
of liking for the happy steward. My Helen, not to sink the fidelity of the his- 
torian in the vanity of the man, could not be many months short of her fiftieth 
year. But for all that, a look of wholesomeness, a face none of the ugliest, 
and two good-looking eyes of which she knew the efficient use, might make 
her still pass for a decent bit of amusement in a summer evening. I could only 
just have been thankful for a little more relief to her complexion, since it was 
precisely the colour of chalk ; but that I attributed to maiden concealments, 
which had eat away all the damask of her cheek. 

The lady ogled me for a long time, with ogles that savoured more of passion 
than of chastity; but instead of communing in the language of the eyes, I made 
pretence at first not to be sensible of my own happiness. Thus did my gal- 
lantry appear as if arrayed in its first blushes ; a circumstance which was rather 
tempting than repulsive to -her feelings. Taking it into her head, therefore, that 
there was no standing upon dumb eloquence with a young man who looked more 



GIL BLAS. 



like a novice than he was, at our very first interview she declared her sentiments 
in broad, unequivocal terms, that I might have no plea for misinterpretation. 
She played her part like an old stager : affected to be overwhelmed with con- 
fusion while she was speaking to me ; and after having said all she wanted to 
say in a good audible voice, put her hand before her face, to hide the shame 
which was not there, and make me believe that she was incommoded by the 
delicacy of her own feelings. There was no standing such an attack ; and 
though vanity had a larger share in my surrender than the tender passion, I 
did not receive her overtures ungraciously. Nay, more, I presumed to overlook 
decorum in my vivacity, and acted the impatient lover so naturally as to call 
down a modest rebuke upon my freedoms. Lorenza chid jny fondness, but 
with so much fondness in her chidings, that while she prescribed to me the 
coldness of an anchorite, it was very evident she would have been miserably 
disappointed if I had taken her prescription. I should have pressed the affair 
at once to the natural termination of all such affairs, if the lovely object of my 
ardent wishes had not been afraid of giving me a left-handed opinion of her 
virtue, by abandoning the works before the siege was regularly formed. This 
being so, we parted, but with a promise to meet again : Sephora in the full 
persuasion that her reluctant resistance would stamp her for a vestal in my 
esteem, and myself full of the sweet hope that the torments of Tantalus would 
soon be succeeded by an elysium of enjoyment. 

My affairs were in this happy train, when one of Don Caesar's under servants 
brought me such a piece of news, as gave an ague to my raptures. This lad 
was one of those inquisitive inmates who apply either an ear or an eye to every 
keyhole in a house. As he paid his court constantly to me, and served up 
some fresh piece of scandal eveiy day, he came to tell me one morning that 
he had made a pleasant discovery; and that he had no objection to letting me 
into the fun, on condition that I would not blab : because Dame Lorenza 
Sephora was the theme of the joke, and he was afraid of becoming obnoxious 
to her resentment and revenge. I was too much interested in coming at the 
story he had to tell, not to swear myself into discretion through thick and thin ; 
but it was necessary that my motive should seem curiosity and not personal 
concern, so that I asked him, with an air of as much indifference as I could 
put on, what was this m : ghty discovery about which he made such a piece of 
work. Lorenza, whispered he, smuggles the surgeon of the village every even- 
ing into her apartment : he is a tight vessel, well armed and manned ; and the 
pirate generally stays pretty long upon his cruise. I do not mean to say, 
added he, with supercilious candour, but that all this may be perfectly innocent 
on both sides, but you cannot help admitting, that where a young man does 
insinuate himself slily into a girl's bedchamber, he takes better care of his own 
pleasure than of her reputation. 

Though this tale gave me as much uneasiness as if I had been verily and ro- 
mantically in love, I had too much sense to let him know it ; but so far stifled 
my feelings as to laugh heartily at a story which struck at the very life of all 
my hopes. But when no witnesses were by, I made myself full amends for 
having gulped down my rising indignation. I blustered and stormed ; mutter- 
ed blessings on them the wrong way, and swore outright : but all this without 
coining nearer to a decision on my own conduct. At one time, holding Lorenza 
in utter contempt, it was my good pleasure to give her up altogether, without 
condescending so far as to come to any explanation with the coquette. At an- 
other time, laying it down as a principle, that my honour was concerned in making 
the surgeon an example to all intriguers, I spirited up my courage to call him out. 
Thus dangerous valour prevailed over safe indifference. At the approach of 
evening I placed myself in ambuscade ; and sure enough the gentleman did 



GIL BLAST ADVENTURE WITH THE SURGEON. 223 

slink into the temple of my Vesta, with a fear of being found out that spoke 
rather unfavourably for the purity of his designs. Nothing short of this could 
have kept my rage alive against the chilliness of the night air. I immediately 
quitted the precincts of the castle, and posted myself on the high road, where 
the gay deceiver was sure to be intercepted on his return. I waited for him 
with my fighting spirits on the full boil : my impatience increased with the lapse 
of time, till Mars and Bellona seemed to inhabit my frame, and enlarge it be- 
yond human dimensions. At length my antagonist came in sight. I took a 
few strides, such as bully Mars or Bellona might have taken ; but I do not 
know how the devil it came to pass, my courage went further off as my body 
came nearer ; my frame was contracted within somewhat less than its human__ 
dimensions, and my heart felt exactly like the heart of a coward. The hearts 
of Homer's heroes felt exactly the same, when the dastardly dogs were not 
backed by a supernatural drawcansir ! In short, I was just as much out of my 
element as ever Paris was, when he pitted himself against Menelaus in single 
combat. I began taking measure of this operator in love, war, and anatomy. 
He appeared to be large limbed and well knit, with a sword by his side of a 
most abominable length. All this made me consider, that the better part of 
valour is discretion : nevertheless, whether from the superiority of mind over 
the nervous system in a case of honour, or from whatever other cause, though 
the danger grew bigger as the distance diminished, and in spite of nature, which 
pleaded obstinately that honour is a mere scutcheon, and can neither set a leg 
nor take away the grief of a wound, I mustered up boldness enough to march 
forward towards the surgeon sword in hand. 

My proceeding seemed to him to be of the drollest. What is the matter, 
Signor Gil Bias ? exclaimed he. Why all this fire and fury ? You are in a 
bantering mood, to all appearance. No, good master shaver, answered I, no 
such thing ; there never was anything more serious since Cain killed Abel. I 
am determined to try the experiment, whether as little preparation serves your 
turn in the field of battle as in a lady's chamber. Hope not that you will be 
suffered to possess without a rival that heaven of bliss in which you have been 
indulging but this moment at the castle. By all the martyrdoms we phleboto- 
mizers have ever suffered or inflicted ! replied the surgeon, setting up a shout 
of laughter, this is a most whimsical adventure. As heaven is my judge ! ap- 
pearances are very little to be trusted. At this put off, fancying that he had 
no keener stomach for cold iron than myself, I got to be ten times more over- 
bearing. Teach your parrot to speak better Spanish, my friend, interrupted I ; 
do you think we do not know a hawk from a hemshaw ? Imagine not that the 
simple denial of the fact will settle the business. I see plainly, replied he, that 
I shall be obliged to speak out, or some mischief must happen either to you or 
me. I shall therefore disclose a secret to you ; though men in our profession 
cannot be too much on the reserve. If Dame Lorenza sends for me into her 
apartment under suspicious circumstances, it is only to conceal from the servants 
the knowledge of her malady. She has an incurable ulcer in her back, which 
I come every evening to dress. This is the real occasion of those visits which 
disturb your peace. Henceforward, rest assured that you have her all to your- 
self. But if you are not satisfied with this expectation, and are absolutely bent j 
on a fencing match, you have only to say so ; I am not a man to turn my back 
upon a game at sword play. With these words in his mouth he drew his long 
rapier, which made my heart jump into my throat, and stood upon his guard. 
It is enough, said I, putting my sword up again in its scabbard, I am not a 
wild beast, to turn a deaf ear to reason : after what you have told me, there is 
no cause of enmity between us. Let us shake hands. At this proposal, by 
which he found out that I was not such a devil of a fellow as he had taken me 



224 GIL BLAS. 



for, he returned his weapon with a laugh, met my advances to be reconciled, 
and we parted the best friends in the world. 

From that time forward Sephora never came into my thoughts but with the 
most disgusting associations. I shunned all the opportunities she gave me of 
entertaining her in private, and this with so obvious a study, almost bordering 
on rudeness, that she could not but notice it. Astonished at so. sudden a reverse, 
she was dying to know the cause, and at length, finding the means of pinning 
me down to a tete-a-tete, Good Mr Steward, said she, tell me, if so please 
you, why you avoid the very sight of me ? It is true that I made the first 
advances ; but then you fed the consuming fire. Recall to memory, if it is not 
too great a favour, the private interview we had together. Then you were a 
magazine of combustibles, now you are as frozen as the north sea. What is the 
meaning of all this ? The question was not a little difficult of solution, for a 
man unaccustomed to the violence of amorous interrogatories. The consequence 
was, that it puzzled me most confoundedly. I do not precisely recollect the 
identical lie I told the lady, but I recollect perfectly that nothing but the truth 
could have affronted her more highly. Sephora, though by her mincing air 
and modest outside one might have taken her for a lamb, was a tigress when 
the savage was roused in her nature. I did think, said she, darting a glance at 
me full of malice and hideousness, I did think to have conferred such honour as 
was never conferred before, on a little scoundrel like you, by betraying senti- 
ments which the first nobility in the country would make it their boast to excite. 
Fitly indeed am I punished for having preposterously lowered myself to the 
level of a dirty, snivelling adventurer. 

That was pretty well ; but she did not stop there : I should have come off too 
cheaply on such terms. Her fury taking a long lease of her tongue, that brawl- 
ing instrument of discord rung a bob-major of invective, each strain more clam- 
orous and confounding than the former. It certainly was my duty to have 
received it all with cool indifference, and to have considered candidly that in tri- 
umphing over female reserve, and then not taking possession of the 'conquest, I 
had committed that sin against the sex, which would have transformed the most 
feminine of them into a Sephora. But I was too irritable to bear abuse, at 
which a man of sense in my place would only have laughed ; and my patience 
was at length exhausted. Madam, said I, let us not rake into each other's per- 
sonal misfortunes. If the first nobility in the country had only looked at your 
back, they would have forgotten all your other charms, and have boasted but 
little of the sentiments they had excited you to betray. I had no sooner laid in 
this home stroke, then the enraged duenna visited me with the hardest box on 
the ear that ever yet proceeded from the delicate fingers of a woman scorned. 
Such favours might pall on repetition ; so I did not wait for a second, but took 
shelter in the niinbleness of my legs from the clatter of castigation she was going 
to shower down on me. 

I returned thanks, to the protecting powers for having brought me clear off 
from this unequal encounter, and fancied that I had nothing further to appre- 
hend, since the lady had taken corporal vengeance. It was likely, too, that 
she would be wise and hold her tongue, for the honour of her own back : and, 
in point of fact, a full fortnight had elapsed without my hearing a word upon 
the subject. The very tingling in my own cheek began to abate, when I was 
told that Sephora was taken ill. With that forgiveness of injuries so natural to 
me, I was sincerely afflicted at the news. I really felt for the poor lady. I con- 
cluded that, unable to contend with a passion so ill repaid, that hapless victim of 
her own tenderness was giving up the ghost. It was with exquisite pain that I 
turned this subject in my thoughts. I was the cruel cause that her hearj was 
breaking ; and my pity at least was the duenna's, though love is too wayward 



SEPHORAS HATRED TOWARDS GIL BLAS. 225 

to be controlled by advice. But I was miserably mistaken in her nature. Her 
tenderness had all curdled into acrimonious hatred ; and at that very moment 
was she plotting to be my bane. 

One morning while I was with Don Alphonso, that amiable young master of 
mine was absent, moody, and out of spirits. I inquired respectfully what was 
the matter. I am vexed to the soul, said he, to find Seraphina weak, unjust, 
ungrateful. You are not a little surprised at this, added he, remarking the 
expression of astonishment with which I heard him ; yet nothing is more strictly 
and lamentably true. I know not what reason you have given Dame Lorenza 
to be at variance with you ; but true it is, you are become so unbearably hate- 
ful to her, that if you do not get out of this castle as soon as possible, her 
death, she says, must be the sure consequence. You cannot but suppose that 
Seraphina, who knows your value, tised all her influence at first against a pre- 
judice to which she could not administer without injustice and ingratitude. But 
though the best of women, she is still a woman. Sephora brought her up, and 
she loves her like a mother. Should her old nurse die shortly, she would fancy 
she had her death to answer for, had she refused herself to any of her whims. 
P'or my own part, with all my affection towards Seraphina, and it is none of 
the weakest, I will never be guilty of so mean a compliance as to side with her 
on this question. Perish our duennas, perish the whole system of our Spanish 
vigilance ! but never let me consent to the banishment of a young man whom 
I look upon rather as a brother than a servant ! 

When Don Alphonso had thus expressed his sentiments, I said to him : My 
good sir, I am born to be the mere whipping-top of fortune. It had been my 
hope that she would leave off persecuting me when under your roof, where 
everything held out to me happy days and an unruffled life. Now, the part for 
honour to take is to tear myself away, whatever hankering I may feel after my 
continuance. No, no, exclaimed the generous son of Don Caesar. Leave me 
to bring Seraphina to a proper view of things. It shall never be said that you 
are sacrificed to the caprices of a duenna, who, on every occasion, has but too 
much influence over the family. All you will get by it, sir, replied I, will 
only be to put Seraphina in an ill humour by opposing her wishes. I had much 
rather withdraw than run the risk, by a longer abode here, of sowing division 
between a married pair, who are a model of conjugal felicity. Such a conse- 
quence of my unhappy quarrel would make me miserable for the remainder of 
my days. 

Don Alphonso absolutely forbade me to take any hasty step ; and I found 
diim so determined in the intention of standing by me, that Lorenza must infal- 
libly have been thrown into the background, if I had chosen to have stood an 
election against her. There were moments when, exasperated against the 
duenna, I was tempted to keep no measures with her ; but when I came to 
consider that to unravel this surgical mystery would be to plunge a dagger into 
the heart of a poor creature, whose curse had been my fastidious prejudice 
against an ulcerated back, and whom a physical and mental misfortune were 
conjointly handing down to the grave ; I lost all feeling but that of compassion 
towards her. It was evident, since I was so portentous a phenomenon, that it 
was my imperious duty to re-establish the tranquillity of" the castle by my 
absence ; and that duty I performed the next morning before daybreak, without 
taking any leave of my two masters, for fear they should oppose my departure 
from a misplaced partiality towards me. My only notice was to leave behind 
in my chamber a memorial, containing an exact account of my receipts and 
disbursements during the time of my stewardship. 



226 GIL BLAS. 



Ch. II. — What happened to Gil Bias after his retreat from the castle of Leyva ; 

shewing that those who are crossed in love are not always the most miserable 

of manki?id. 
I was mounted on a good horse, my own property, and was the bearer of two 
hundred pistoles, the greater part of which arose from the plunder of the van- 
quished banditti, and the forfeiture of Samuel Simon by the Inquisition ; for 
Don Alphonso, without requiring me to account for any part of the said forfeit- 
ure, had made restitution of the entire sum out of his own funds. Thus, con- 
sidering my effects, however obtained, as converted into lawful property by a 
sort of vicarious sponsorship, I took them into my good graces without any 
remorse of conscience. An estate like this rendered it absurd to throw away 
any thought about the future ; and a certain likelihood of doing well, which 
always hangs about a young man at my age, held out an additional security 
against the caprices of fortune. Besides, Toledo offered me a retreat exactly to 
my mind. There could not be a doubt but the Count de Polan would take a 
pleasure in giving a kind reception to one of his deliverers, and would insist, on 
his accepting an apartment in his own house. But I only looked upon this 
nobleman as a very distant resource ; and determined, before laying any tax on 
his grateful recollection, to spend part of my ready cash in travelling over the 
provinces of Murcia and Grenada, which I had a very particular inclination to 
see. With this intention I took the Almanza road, and afterwards, following 
the route chalked out, travelled from town to town as far as the city of Grenada, 
without stumbling on any sinister occurrence. It should seem as if fortune, 
wearied out with the school-girl's tricks she had been playing me, was con- 
tented at last to leave me as she found me. But she still had her skittish 
designs upon me, as will be seen in the sequel. 

One of the first persons I met in the streets of Grenada was Signor Don 
Ferdinand de Leyva, son-in-law, as well as Don Alphonso, of the Count de 
Polan. We were both of us equally surprised at meeting so far from home. 
How is this, Gil Bias ? exclaimed he ; to find you in this city ! What the devil 
brings you hither ? Sir, said I, if you are astonished at seeing me in this country, 
you will be ten times more so when you shall know why I have quitted the 
service of Signor Don Caesar and his son. Then I recounted to him all that 
had passed between Sephora and myself, without garbling the facts in any 
particular. He laughed heartily at the recital ; then, recovering his gravity, 
My friend, said he, my mediation is at your service in this affair. I will write 

to my sister-in-law No, no, sir, interrupted I, do not write upon the 

subject, I beseech you. I did not quit the castle of Leyva to go back again. 
You may, if you please, make another use of the kindness you have expressed 
for me. If any of your friends should be looking out for a secretary or a stew- 
ard, I should be much obliged to you to speak a good word in my favour. I will 
take upon me to assure you that you will never be reproached with recom- 
mending an improper object. You have only to command me, answered he : 
I will do whatever you desire. My business at Grenada is to visit an old aunt 
in an ill state of health. I shall be here three weeks longer, after which I shall 
set out on my return to my castle of Lorqui, where I have left Julia. That is 
my lodging, added he, shewing me a house about a hundred yards from us. 
Call upon me in a few days ; probably I may by that time have hit upon some 
eligible appointment. 

And, in fact, so it was ; for the very first time that we came together again, 
he said to me : My Lord Archbishop of Grenada, my relation and friend, is in 
want of a young man with some little tinge of literature, who can write a good 
hand and make fair copies of his manuscripts ; for he is a great author. He 



GIL BLAS ENTERS THE SERVICE OF AN ARCHBISHOP. 227 

has composed I know not how many homilies, and still goes on composing 
more every day, which he delivers to the high edification of his audience. As 
you seem to be just the thing for him, I have mentioned your name, and he has 
promised to take you. Go, and make your bow to him as from me ; you will 
judge, by his reception of you, whether my recommendation has been couched 
in handsome terms. 

The situation was, to all appearance, exactly what I should have picked out 
for myself. That being the case, with such an arrangement of my air and per- 
son as seemed most likely to square with the ideas of a reverend prelate, I pre- 
sented myself one morning before the archbishop. If this were a gorgeous 
romance, and not a grave history, here might we introduce a pompous de- 
scription of the episcopal palace, with architectural digressions on the structure 
of the building : here would be the place to expatiate on the costliness of the 
furniture like an upholsterer, to criticise the statues and pictures like a connois- 
seur ; and the pictures themselves would be nothing to the uninformed reader, 
without the stories they represent, till universal history, fabulous and authentic, 
sacred and profane, should be pressed into the service. But I shall content 
myself with modestly stating, that the royal palace itself is scarcely superior in 
magnificence. 

Throughout the suite of apartments, there was a complete mob of ecclesiastics 
and other officers, consisting of chaplains, ushers, upper and menial servants. 
Those of them who were laymen were most superbly attired ; one would sooner 
have taken them for temporal nobility than for spiritual understrappers. They 
were as proud as the devil ; and gave themselves intolerably consequential airs. 
I could not help laughing in my sleeve, when I considered who and what they 
were, and how they behaved. Set a beggar on horseback! said I. These 
gentry are in luck to carry a pack without feeling the drag of it ; for surely if 
they knew they were beasts of burden, they would not jingle their bells with so 
high a toss of the head. I ventured just to speak to a grave and portly per- 
sonage who stood sentinel at the door of the archbishop's closet, to turn it upon 
its hinges as occasion might require. I asked him civilly if there was no pos- 
sibility of speaking with my lord archbishop. Stop a little, said he, with a 
supercilious demeanour and repulsive tone : his grace will shortly come forth, 
to go and hear mass : you may snatch an audience for a moment as he passes 
on. I answered not a single syllable. Patience was all I had for it ; and it 
even seemed advisable to try and enter into conversation with some of the jacks 
in office : but they began conning me over from the sole of my foot to the 
crown of my head, without condescending to favour me with a single inter- 
jection ; after which they winked at one another, whispered, and looked out at 
the corners of their eyes, in derision of the liberty I had assumed, by intruding 
upon their select society. 

I felt more fool that I did so, quite out of countenance at such cavalier treat- 
ment from a knot of state footmen. My confusion was but beginning to sub- 
side, when the closet door opened. The archbishop made his appearance. A 
profound silence immediately ensued among his officers, who quitted at once 
their insolent behaviour, to adopt a more respectful style before their master. 
That prelate was in his sixty-ninth year, formed nearly on the model of my 
uncle, Gil Perez the canon, which is as much as to say, as broad as he was 
long. But the highest dignitaries should always be the most amply gifted ; ac- 
cordingly his legs bowed inwards to the very extremity of the graceful curve, 
and his bald head retained but a single lock behind : so that he was obliged to 
ensconce his pericranium in a fine woollen cap with long ears. In spite of all 
this, I espied the man of quality in his deportment, doubtless, because I knew 
that he actually happened to be one. We common fellows, the fungous growth 



228 GIL BIAS. 





of the human dunghill, look up to great lords with a facility of being overawed, 
which often furnishes them with a Benjamin's mess of importance, when nature 
has denied even the most scanty and trivial gifts. 

The archbishop moved towards me in a minuet step, and kindly inquired 
what I wanted. I told him I was the young man about whom Signor Don 
Ferdinand de Leyva had spoken to him. He did not give me a moment to go 
on with my story. Ah ! is it you, exclaimed he, is it you of whom so fine a 
character has been given me? I take you into my service at once; you are a 
mine of literary utility to me. You have only to take up your abode here. 
Talking thus condescendingly, he supported himself between two ushers, and 
moved onwards after having given audience to some of his clergy, who had 
ecclesiastical business to communicate. He was scarcely out of the room, 
when the same officers who had turned upon their heel, were now cap in hand 
to court my conversation. Here the rascals are, pressing round me, currying 
favour, and expressing their sincere joy at seeing me become as it were an heir- 
loom of the archbishopric. They had heard what their master had said, and 
were dying with anxiety to know on what footing I was to be about him ; but 
I had the ill nature not to satisfy their curiosity, in revenge for their contempt. 

My lord archbishop was not long before he returned. He took me with him 
into his closet for a little private conference. I could not but suppose that he 
meant to fathom the depth of my understanding. I was accordingly on my 
guard, and prepared to measure out my words most methodically. He ques- 
tioned me first in the classics. My answers were not amiss ; he was convinced 
that I had more than a schoolboy's acquaintance with the Greek and Latin 
writers. He examined me next in logic; nor could I but suppose that he 
would examine me in logic. He found me strong enough there. Your edu- 
cation, said he, with some degree of surprise, has not been neglected. Now 
let us see your hand-writing. I took a blank piece of paper out of my pocket, 
which I had brought for the purpose. My ghostly father was not displeased 
with my performance. I am very well satisfied with the mechanical part of 
your qualifications, exclaimed he, and still more so with the powers of your 
mind. I shall thank my nephew, Don Ferdinand, most heartily, for having 
sent me so fine a lad ; it is absolutely a gift from above. 

We were interrupted by some of the neighbouring gentry, who were come to 
dine with the archbishop. I left them together, and withdrew to the second 
table, where the whole household, with one consent, insisted on giving me the 
upper hand. Dinner is a busy time at an episcopal ordinary; and yet we 
snatched a moment to make our observations on each other. What a mortified 
propriety was painted on the outside of the clergy ? They had all the look of 
a deputation from a better world : strange to think how place and circumstance 
impose on the deluded sense of men ! It never once came into my thoughts 
that all this sanctity might possibly be a false coin ; just as if there could be 
nothing but what appertained to the kingdom above, among the successors of 
the apostles on earth. 

I was seated by the side of an old valet-de-chambre, by name Melchoir de la 
Ronda. He took care to help me to all the nice bits. His attentions were 
not lost upon me, and my good manners quite enraptured him. My worthy 
sir, said he, in a low voice after dinner, I should like to have a little private 
talk with you. At the same time he led the way to a part of the palace where we 
could not be overheard, and there addressed me as follows : My son, from the 
very first instant that I saw you, I felt a certain prepossession in your favour. 
Of this I will give you a certain proof, by communicating in confidence what 
will be of great service to you. You are here in a family where true believers 
and painted hypocrites are playing at cross purposes against each other. It 



GIL BIAS A FA VOURITE OF THE ARCHBISHOP. 229 

would take an antediluvian age to feel the ground under your feet. I will spare 
so long and so disgusting a study, by letting you into the characters on both 
sides. After this, if you do not play your cards, it is your own fault. 

I shall begin with his grace. He is a very pious prelate, employed without 
ceasing in the instruction of the people, whom he brings back to virtue, like 
sheep gone astray, by sermons full of excellent morality, and written by himself. 
He has retired from court these twenty years, to watch over his flock with the 
zeal of an affectionate pastor. He is a very learned person, and a very impress- 
ive declaimer: his whole delight is in preaching, and his congregation take 
care he should know that their whole delight is in hearing him. There may 
possibly be some little leaven of vanity in all this heavenly-mindedness ; but, 
besides that it is not for human fallibility to search the heart, it would ill be- 
come me to rake into the faults of a person whose bread I eat. Were it decent 
to lay my finger on anything unbecoming in my master, I should discommend 
his starchness. Instead of exercising forbearance towards frail churchmen, he 
visits every peccadillo, as if it were a heinous offence. Above all, he prosecutes 
those with the utmost rigour of the spiritual court, who, wrapping themselves 
up in their innocence, appeal to the canons for their justification, in bar of his 
despotic authority. There is besides another awkward trait in his character, 
common to him with many other people of high rank. Though he is very fond 
of the people about him, he pays not the least attention to their services, but 
lets them sink into years without a moment's thought about securing them any 
provision. If at any time he makes them any little presents, they may thank 
the goodness of some one who shall have spoken up in their behalf : he would 
never have his wits enough about him to do the slightest thing for them as a 
volunteer. 

This is just what the old valet-de-chambre told me of his master. Next, he 
let me into what he thought of the clergymen with whom we had dined. His 
portraits might be likenesses ; but they were too hard-featured to be owned by 
the originals. It must be admitted, however, that he did not represent them as 
honest men, but only as very scandalous priests. Nevertheless, he made some 
exceptions, and was as loud in their praises as in his censure of the others. I 
was no longer at any loss how to play my part so as to put myself on an equal 
footing with these gentry. That very evening, at supper, I took a leaf out of 
their book, and arrayed myself in the convenient vesture of a wise and prudent 
outside. A clothing of humility and sanctification costs nothing. Indeed it 
offers such a premium to the wearer, that we are not to wonder if this world 
abounds in a description of people called hypocrites. 

Ch. III. — Gil Bias becomes the Archbishop 's favourite, and the channel of all his 

favours. 

I HAD been after dinner to get together my baggage, and take my horse from 
the inn where I had put up, and afterwards returned to supper at the archbishop's 
palace, where a neatly furnished room was got ready for me, and such a bed as 
was more likely to pamper than to mortify the flesh. The day following, his 
grace sent for me quite as soon as I was ready to go to him. It was to give me 
a homily to transcribe. He made a point of having it copied with all possible 
accuracy. It was done to please him ; for I omitted neither accent, nor comma, 
nor the minutest tittle of all he had marked down. His satisfaction at observ- 
ing this was heightened by its being unexpected. Eternal Father ! exclaimed he 
in a holy rapture, when he had glanced his eye over all the folios of my copy, 
was ever anything seen so correct ? You are too good a transcriber not to have 
some little smattering of the grammarian. Now tell me with the freedom of a 



230 GIL BLAS. 



friend : in writing it over, have you been struck with nothing that grated upon 
your feelings ? Some little careless idiom, or some word used in an improper 
sense ? Oh ! may it please your grace, answered I with a modest air, it is not 
for me, with my confined education and coarse taste, to aim at making critical 
remarks. And though ever so well qualified, I am satisfied that your grace's 
works would come out pure from the essay. The successor of the apostles 
smiled at my answer. He made no observation on it ; but it was easy to see, 
through all his piety, that he was an arrant author at the bottom : there is some- 
thing in that dye, that not heaven itself can wash out. 

I seemed to have purchased the fee-simple of his good graces by my flattery. 
Day after day did I "get a step further in his esteem ; and Don Ferdinand, who 
came to see him very often, told me my footing was so firm, that there could 
not be a doubt but my fortune was made. Of this my master himself gave me 
a proof some little time afterwards : and the occasion was as follows .-—One 
evening in his closet he rehearsed before me, with appropriate emphasis and 
action, a homily which he was to deliver the next day in the cathedral. He did 
not content himself with asking me what I thought of it in the gross, but in- 
sisted on my telling him what passages struck me most. I had the good for- 
tune to pick out those which were nearest to his own taste, his favourite com- 
mon-places. Thus, as luck would have it, I passed in his estimation for a man 
who had a quick and natural relish of the real and less obvious beauties in a 
work. This, indeed, exclaimed he, is what you may call having discernment 
and feeling in perfection ! Well, well, my friend ! it cannot be said of you, 

Baeotum in crasso jurares aere natum. 

In a word, he was so highly pleased with me, as to add in a tone of extraor- 
dinary emotion — Never mind, Gil Bias ! henceforward take no care about here- 
after ; I shall make it my business to place you among the favoured children of 
my bounty. You have my best wishes ; and to prove to you that you have them, 
I shall take you into my inmost confidence. 

These words were no sooner out of his mouth, than I fell at his grace's feet, 
quite overwhelmed with gratitude. I embraced his elliptical legs with almost 
pagan idolatry, and considered myself as a man on the high road to a very 
handsome fortune. Yes, my child, resumed the archbishop, whose speech had 
been cut short by the rapidity of my prostration, I mean to make you the re- 
ceiver-general of all my inmost ruminations. Hearken attentively to what I am 
going to say. I have a great pleasure in preaching. The Lord sheds a bless- 
ing on my homilies ; they sink deep into the hearts of sinners ; set up a 
glass in which vice sees its own image, and bring back many from the paths of 
error into the high road of repentance. What a heavenly sight, when a miser, 
scared at the hideous picture drawn by my eloquence of his avarice, opens his 
coffers to the poor and needy, and dispenses the accumulated store with a lib- 
eral hand ! The voluptuary, too, is snatched from the pleasures of the table ; 
ambition flies at my command to the wholesome discipline of the monastic cell ; 
while female frailty, tottering on the brink of ruin, with one ear open to the 
siren voice of the seducer, and the other to my saintly correctives, is restored to 
domestic happiness and the approving smile of heaven, by the timely warnings of 
the pulpit. These miraculous conversions, which happen almost every Sunday, 
ought of themselves to goad me on in the career of saving souls. Nevertheless, 
to conceal no part of my weakness from my monitor, there is another reward 
on which my heart is intent, a reward which the seraphic scrupulousness of my 
virtue to little purpose condemns as too carnal ; a literary reputation for a sub- 
lime and elegant style. The honour of being handed down to posterity as a 
perfect pulpit orator has its irresistible attractions. My compositions are gener- 



THE ARCHBISHOP APPOINTS HIM HIS CENSOR. 231 

ally thought to be equally powerful and persuasive ; but I could wish of all 
things to steer clear of the rock on which good authors split, who are too long 
before the public, and to retire from professional life with my reputation in un- 
diminished lustre. 

To this end, my dear Gil Bias, continued the prelate, there is one thing re- 
quisite from your zeal and friendship. Whenever it shall strike you that my 
pen begins to contract, as it were, the ossification of old age, whenever you see 
my genius in its climacteric, do not fail to give me a hint. There is no trusting 
to one's self in such a case ; pride and conceit were the original sin of man. 
The probe of criticism must be intrusted to an impartial stander-by, of fine 
talents and unshaken probity. Both those requisites centre in you : you are my 
choice, and I give myself up to your direction. Heaven be praised, my lord, 
said I, there is no need to trouble yourself with any such thoughts yet. Be- 
sides, an understanding of your grace's mould and calibre will last out double the 
time of a common genius ; or to speak with more certainty and truth, it will 
never be the worse for wear, if you live to the age of Methusalem. I consider 
you as a second Cardinal Ximenes, whose powers, superior to decay, instead of 
flagging with years, seemed to derive new vigour from their approximation with 
the heavenly regions. No flattery, my friend ! interrupted he. I know myself 
to be in danger of failing all at once. At my age one begins to be sensible of 
infirmities, and tiiose of the body communicate with the mind. I repeat it to 
you, Gil Bias, as soon as you shall be of opinion that my head is not so clear 
as usual, give me warning of it instantly. Do not be afraid of offending by 
frankness and sincerity, to put me in mind of my own frailty will be the strong- 
est proof of your affection for me. Besides, your very interest is concerned in it, 
for if it should, by any spite of chance towards you, come to my ears that the 
people say in town, " His grace's sermons produce no longer their accustomed 
impression, it is tine for him to abandon his pulpit to younger candidates," I 
do assure you most seriously and solemnly, you will not only lose my friendship, 
but the provision for life that I have promised you. Such will be the result of 
your silly tampering with truth. 

Here my patron left off to wait for my answer, which was an echo of his 
speech, and a promise of obeying him in all things. From that moment there 
were no secrets fron me ; I became the prime favourite. All the household, 
except Melchior dela Ronda, looked at me with an eye of envy. It was curious 
to observe the manner in which the whole establishment, from the highest to the 
lowest, thought it necessary to demean themselves towards his grace's confiden- 
tial secretary ; there was no meanness to which they would not stoop to curry 
favour with me ; I could scarcely believe they were Spaniards. I left no stone 
unturned to be of service to them, without being taken in by their interested 
assiduities. My lord archbishop, at my entreaty, took them by the hand. He 
got a company for one, and fitted him out so as to make a handsome figure in 
the army. Another he sent to Mexico, with a considerable appointment which 
he procured him ; and I obtained a good slice of his bounty for my friend Mel- 
chior. It was evident from these facts, that if the prelate was not particularly 
active in good work;, at least he rarely gave a churlish refusal, when any one 
had the courage to mportune him for his benevolence. 

But what I did for a priest seems to deserve being noticed more at large. 
One day a certain licentiate, by name Lewis Garcias, a well-looking man still in 
the prime of life, was presented to me by our steward, who said — Signor Gil 
Bias, in this honest ecclesiastic you behold one of my best friends. He was 
formerly chaplain to a nunnery. Scandal has taken a few liberties with his 
chastity. Malicious stories have been trumped up to hurt him in my lord arch- 
bishop's opinion, wlo has suspended him, and unfortunately is so strongly pre- 



232 GIL BLAS. 



judiced by his enemies, as to be deaf to any petition in his favour. In vain 
have we interested the first people in Grenada to get him re-established ; our 
master will not hear of it. 

These first people in Grenada, said I, have gone the wrong way to work. It 
would have been much better if no interest at all had been made for the re- 
verend licentiate. People have only done him a mischief by endeavouring to 
serve him. I know my lord archbishop thoroughly : entreaties and impor- 
tunate recommendations do but aggravate the ill condition of a clergyman 
who lies under his displeasure : it is but a very short time ago since I heard 
him mutter the following sentiment to himself. The more persons a priest, 
who has been guilty of any misconduct, engages to speak to me in his behalf, 
the more widely is the scandal of the church disseminated, and the more severe 
is my treatment of the offender. That is very unlucky, replied the steward ; 
and my friend would be put to his last shifts if he did not write a good hand. 
But, happily, he has the pen of a ready scribe, and keeps his head above water 
by the exercise of that talent. I was curious to see whether this boasted hand- 
writing was so much better than my own. The licentiate, who had a specimen 
in his pocket, shewed me a sheet which I admired very much : it had all the 
regularity of a writing-master's copy. In looking over this model of penman- 
ship, an idea occurred to me. I begged Garcia to leave this paper in my hands, 
saying, that I might be able to do something with it which sliould turn out to 
his advantage ; that I could not explain myself at that moment, but would tell 
him more the next day. The licentiate, to whom the steward had evidently 
talked big about my capacity to serve him, withdrew in as good spirits as if he 
had already been restored to his functions. 

I was in earnest in my endeavour that he should be so, and lost no time in 
setting to work. Happening to be alone with the archbishop, I produced the 
specimen. My patron was delighted with it. Seizing on this favourable op- 
portunity, May it please your grace, said I, since you are determined not to put 
your homilies to the press, I should very much like them at least to be tran- 
scribed in this masterly manner. 

I am very well satisfied with your performance, answered the prelate, but yet 
I own that it would be a pleasant thing enough to have a copy of my works in 
that hand. Your grace, replied I, has only to signify your wishes. The man 
who copies so well is a licentiate of my acquaintance. It will give him so much 
the more pleasure to gratify you, as it may be the means of interesting your 
goodness to extricate him from the melancholy situation to which he has the 
misfortune at present to be reduced. 

The prelate could not do otherwise than inquire the name of this licentiate. 
I told him it was Lewis Garcias. He is in despair at having drawn down 
your censure upon him. That Garcias, interrupted he, if t am not mistaken, 
was chaplain in a convent of nuns, and has been brought into the ecclesiastical 
court as a delinquent. I recollect some very heavy charges which have been 
sent me against him. His morals are not the most exemplary. May it please 
your grace, interrupted I in my turn, it is not for me to justify him in all points ; 
but I know that he has enemies. He maintains that the authors of the informa- 
tions you have received are more bent on doing him an ill office than on vindi- 
cating the purity of religion. That very possibly may be the case, replied the 
archbishop ; there are a great many firebrands in the world. Besides, though 
we should take it for granted that his conduct has not always been above sus- 
picion, he may have repented of his sins ; in short, the mercies of heaven are 
infinite, however heinous our transgressions. Bring that licentiate before me, I 
take off his suspension. 

Thus it is that men of the most austere character descend from their altitudes, 



THE ARCHBISHOP STRUCK WITH APOPIEXY. 233 

when interest or a favourite whim reduces them to the level of the frail. The 
archbishop granted, without a struggle, to the empty vanity of having his works 
well copied, what he had refused to the most respectable applications. I carried 
the news with all possible expedition to the steward, who communicated it to 
his friend Garcias. That licentiate, on the following day, came to return me 
thanks commensurate with the favour obtained. I presented him to my master, 
who contented himself with giving him a slight reprimand, and put the homilies 
into his hand, to copy them out fair. Garcias performed the task so satisfactorily, 
that he was reinstated in the cure of souls, and was afterwards preferred to the 
living of Gabia, a large market town in the neighbourhood of Grenada. 

Ch. IV. — The Archbishop is afflicted with a stroke of apoplexy. How Gil Bias 
gets into a dilemma, and how he gets out. 

While I was thus rendering myself a blessing first to one and then to the 
other, Don Ferdinand de Leyva was making his arrangements for leaving 
Grenada. I called on that nobleman before his departure, to thank him once 
more for the advantageous post he had procured me. My expressions of satis- 
faction were so lively, that he said — My dear Gil Bias, I am delighted to find 
you in such good humour with my uncle the archbishop. I am absolutely in 
love with him, answered I. His goodness to me has been such as I can never 
sufficiently acknowledge. Less than my present happiness could , never have 
made me amends for being at so great a distance from Don Caesar and his son. 
I am persuaded, replied he, that they are both of them equally chagrined at 
having lost you. But possibly you are not separated for ever; fortune may 
some day bring you together again. I could not hear such an idea started 
without being moved by it. My sighs would find vent ; and I felt at that mo- 
ment so strong an affection for Don Alphonso, that I could willingly have turned 
my back on the archbishop and all the fine prospects that were opening to me, 
and have gone back to the castle of Leyva, had but a mortification taken place 
in the back of the scarecrow which had frightened me away. Don Ferdinand 
was not insensible to the emotions that agitated me, and felt himself so much 
obliged by them, that he took his leave with the assurance of the whole family 
always taking an anxious interest in my fate. 

Two months after this worthy gentleman had left us, in the luxuriant harvest 
of my highest favour, a lowering storm came suddenly over the episcopal palace; 
the ai-chbishop had a stroke of apoplexy. By dint of immediate applications 
and good nursing, in a few days there was no bodily appearance of disease re- 
maining. But his reverend intellects did not so easily recover from their 
lethargy. I could not help observing it to myself in the very first discourse that 
he composed. Yet there was not such a wide gap between the merits of the 
present and the former ones, as to warrant the inference that the sun of oratory 
was many degrees advanced in its post-meridian course. A second homily was 
worth waiting for ; because that would clearly determine the line of my conduct. 
Alas, and well-a-day ! when that second homily came, it was a knock-down ar- 
gument. Sometimes the good prelate moved forward, and sometimes he moved 
backwards ; sometimes he mounted up into the garret ; and sometimes dipped 
down into the cellar. It was a composition of more sound than meaning, some- 
thing like a superannuated schoolmaster's theme, when he attempts to give his 
boys more sense than he possesses of his own, or like a capuchin's sermon, which 
only scatters a few artificial flowers of paltry rhetoric over a barren desert of 
doctrine. 

I was not the only person whom the alteration struck. The audience at 
large, when he delivered it, as if they too had been pledged to watch the 



234 GIL BLAS. 



advances of dotage, said to one another in a whisper all round the church — 
Here is a sermon, with symptoms of apoplexy in every paragraph. Come, my 
good Coryphaeus of the public taste in homilies, said I then to myself, prepare 
to do your office. You see that my lord archbishop is going very fast — you 
ought to warn him of it, not only as his bosom friend, on whose sincerity he 
relies, but lest some blunt fellow should anticipate you, and bolt out the truth 
in an offensive manner. In that case you know the consequence ; you would 
be struck out of his will, where no doubt you have a more convertible bequest 
than the licentiate Sedillo's library. 

But as reason, like Janus, looks at things with two faces, I began to consider 
the other side of the question ; the hint seemed difficult to wrap up so as to 
make it palatable. Authors in general are stark mad on the subject of their 
own works, and such an author might be more testy than the common herd of 
the irritable race : but that suspicion seemed illiberal on my part, for it was 
impossible that my freedom should be taken amiss, when it had been forced 
upon me by so positive an injunction. Add to this, that I reckoned upon 
handling the subject skilfully, and cramming discretion down his throat like a 
high-seasoned epicurean dish. After all my pro and con, finding that I risked 
more by keeping silence than by breaking it, I determined to venture on the 
delicate duty of speaking my mind. 

Now there was but one difficulty ; a difficulty indeed ! how to open the 
business. Luckily the orator himself extricated me from that embarrassment, 
by asking what they said of him in the world at large, and whether people 
were tolerably well pleased with his last discourse. I answered that there 
could be but one opinion about his homilies ; but that it should seem as if the 
last had not quite struck home to the hearts of the audience, like those which 
had gone before. Do you really mean what you say, my friend ? replied he, 
with a sort of wriggling surprise. Then my congregation are more in the temper 
of Aristarchus than of Longinus ! No, may it please your grace, rejoined I, 
quite the contrary. Performances of that order are above the reach of vulgar 
criticism : there is not a soul but expects to be saved by their influence. Never- 
theless, since you have made it my duty to be sincere and unreserved, I shall 
take the liberty of just stating that your last discourse is not written with quite 
the overpowering eloquence and conclusive argument of your former ones. 
Does not your grace feel just as I do on the subject ? 

This ignorant and stupid frankness of mine completely blanched my master's 
cheek ; but he forced a fretful smile, and said — Then, good Master Gil Bias, 
that piece does not exactly hit your fancy ? I did not mean to say that, your 
grace, interrupted I, looking very foolish. It is very far superior to what any 
one else could produce, though a little below par with respect to your own 
works in general. I know what you mean, replied he. You think I am going 
down hill, do not you ? Out with it at once. It is your opinion that it is time 
for me to think of retiring ? I should never have had the presumption, said I, 
to deliver myself with so little reserve, if it had not been your grace's express 
command. I act in entire obedience to your grace's orders ; and I most 
obsequiously implore your grace not to take offence at my boldness. I were 
unfit to live in a Christian land ! interrupted he, with stammering impatience ; 
I were unfit to live in a Christian land if I liked you the less for such a Chris- 
tian virtue as sincerity. A man who does not love sincerity sets his face against 
the distinguishing mark between a friend and a flatterer. I should have given 
you infinite credit for speaking what you thought,- if you had thought anything 
that deserved to be spoken. I have been finely taken in by your outside shew 
of cleverness, without any solid foundation of sober judgment ! 

Though completely unhorsed, and at the enemy's mercy, I wanted to make 



GIL BLAS LEA VES THE ARCHBISHOP. 235 

terms of decent capitulation, and to go unmolested into winter quarters : but 
let those who think to appease an exasperated author, and especially an author 
whose ear has been long attuned to the music of his own praises, take warn- 
ing by my fate. Let us talk no more on the subject, my very young friend, said 
he. You are as yet scarcely in the rudiments of good taste, and utterly incom- 
petent to distinguish between gold and tinsel. You are yet to learn that I never 
in all my life composed a finer homily than that unfortunate one which had not 
the honour of your approbation. The immortal part of me, by the blessing of 
heaven on me and my congregation, is less weighed down by human infirmity 
than when the flesh was stronger. We all grow wiser as we grow older, and I 
shall in future select the people about me with more caution ; nor submit the 
castigation of my works but to a much abler critic than yourself. Get about 
your business ! pursued he, giving me an angry shove by the shoulders out of 
his closet ; go and tell my treasurer to pay you a hundred ducats, and take my 
priestly blessing in addition to that sum. God speed you, good Master Gil 
Bias ! I heartily pray that you may do well in the world ! There is nothing to 
stand in your way, but the want of a little better taste. 

Ch. V. — The course which Gil Bias took after the archbishop had given him his 
dismissal. His accidental meeting with the licentiate who was so deeply in his 
debt, and a picture of gratitude in the person of a parson. 

I MADE the best of my way out of the closet, cursing the caprice, or more pro- 
perly the dotage of the archbishop, and more in dudgeon at his absurdity, than 
cast down at the loss of his good graces. For some time it was a moot point 
whether I should go and lay claim to my hundred ducats ; but after having 
weighed the matter dispassionately, I was not such a fool as to quarrel with my 
bread and butter. There was no reason why that money, fairly earned, should 
deprive me of my natural right to make a joke of this ridiculous prelate ; in which 
good deed I promised myself not to be wanting, as often as himself or his homi- 
lies were brought upon the carpet in my hearing. 

I went therefore and asked the treasurer for a hundred ducats, without telling 
a word about the literary warfare between his master and me. Afterwards I 
called on Melchior de la Ronda, to take a long leave of him. He was too much 
my friend not to sympathize with my misfortune. While I was telling my story 
vexation was strongly imprinted on my countenance. In spite of all his respect 
for the archbishop, he could not help blaming him ; but, when in the fever of 
my resentment I threatened to be a match for the prelate, and to entertain the 
whole city at his expense, the prudent Melchior gave me a salutary caution : 
Take my advice, my dear Gil Bias, and rather pocket the affront. Men of a 
lower sphere in life should always be cap in hand to people of quality, whatever 
may be their grounds of complaint. It must be admitted, there are some very 
coarse specimens of greatness, which in themselves are scarcely deserving of the 
least respect or attention ; but even such animals have their weapons of annoy- 
ance, and it is best to keep out of their way. 

I thanked the old valet-de-chambre for the good counsel he had given me, 
and promised to be guided by it. Pleased with my deference to his opinion, he 
said to me : If you go to Madrid, be sure you call upon my nephew, Joseph 
Navarro. He is factotum in the family of Signor Don Balthazar de Zunigna, 
and I can venture to recommend him as a lad in every respect worthy of your 
friendship. He is just as nature made him, with all the vivacity of youth, 
courteous in his manners, and forward to oblige ; I could wish you to get ac- 
quainted with him. I answered that I would not fail to go and see this Joseph 
Navarro as soon as I should get to Madrid, whither I meant to return in due 



236 GIL BLAS. 



time. Then did I turn my back on the episcopal palace, never to grace it with 
my presence again. If I had kept my horse, I should perhaps have set out for 
Toledo immediately ; but I had sold it during the period of my administration, 
supposing that I was in office for life, and should not henceforward be migra- 
tory. My final resolution was to hire a ready-furnished lodging, as I had made 
up my mind to stay another month in Grenada, and then to pay the Count de 
Polan a visit. 

As dinner-hour was drawing nigh, I asked my landlady if there was any eat- 
ing-house in the neighbourhood. She answered that there was a very good one 
within a few yards of her house, where the accommodations were excellent, and 
the company select and numerous. I made her shew me where it was, and 
went thither sharp set. I was shewn into a large room, resembling the hall of 
a monastery in everything but good cheer. There were ten or a dozen men 
sitting at a long table, with a cloth spread over it that fretted in its own grease ; 
but they, with unoffended nostrils, were engaged in general conversation, though 
they dined individually, each having a miserable scrap for his portion. The 
people of the house brought me my allowance, which at another time would 
have turned my stomach, and have made me sigh after the luxuries of the table 
I had just lost. But at this moment I was so indignant against the archbishop, 
that the homely fare of a paltry eating-house seemed more palatable than the 
dainties of his sumptuous board. It was a burning shame to see such a waste 
of provisions served up in soups and sauces to pamper the appetite. Arguing 
like a deep examiner in the economy of the human frame, and reasoning medically 
as well as philosophically, on the disproportion between the simple wants of 
nature and the complexity of luxurious indulgence ; cursed be they, said I, who 
invented those pernicious dinners and suppers, where one must sit on the ten- 
terhooks of self-denial, for fear of overloading the storehouse and shop of the 
whole body ! Man wants but little here below ; and provided he can but keep 
body and soul together, the less he eats the better. Thus did I, in my surly 
vein, give utterance to wise saws ; which, however just in theory, had hitherto 
been little recommended by my practice. 

While I was dispatching my commons, without any danger of a surfeit from 
repletion, the licentiate Lewis Garcias, who had got the living of Gabia in the 
manner above-mentioned, came into the room. The moment he recognized me, 
he ran into my arms with all the cordiality of friendship, or rather with the ex- 
travagant joy of a lover after a long exile from his mistress. He folded me 
repeatedly within his sincere embrace, and I was compelled to stand the brunt 
of a long-winded compliment on the unparalleled disinterestedness of my con- 
duct towards him. Gratitude is a fine virtue ; and yet it is wearisome when 
carried beyond due bounds ! He took his seat next me, saying : Well ! a par- 
son must not swear ; though by the mass, my dear patron, since my good fortune 
has thrown me in your way, we will not part without a jovial glass. But as 
there is no good wine in this shabby inn, I will take you, if you please, after 
our make-shift dinner, to a place where I will treat you with a couple of bottles, 
rich, genuine, and old, in comparison of which the Falernian of Horace was all 
a farce. The church will give us absolution, in the cause of gratitude ! If I 
could but get you for a few days down at my parsonage of Gabia ! Maecenas 
was never more welcome to the poet's Sabine farm, than the author of all my 
ease and comfort to the choicest produce of a glebe which is mine only by your 
benevolence. 

While he was holding this high-flown language, his little slice of dinner was 
set before him. He fell to without the fear of indigestion before his eyes, still 
heightening the luxury of the repast at intervals, by fine speeches addressed to 
me in the most fulsome style of flattery. I took the opportunity, when his 



INGRATITUDE OF LEWIS GARCIAS. 237 

mouth was filled with something more substantial, to edge in a word or two 
amidst the torrent ; and as he had not forgotten to ask after his friend the 
steward, I made no bones about acknowledging that I was no longer a hanger- 
on of the church. I even went so far as to particularize the most trivial cir- 
cumstances attending my resignation, to all of which he listened with an atten- 
tive ear. After all his fine professions, who would not have expected to see 
him moved even to tears with the throes of resentful gratitude, to hear him 
thunder bulls and interdicts against the superannuated archbishop ? The devil 
a bit ! he did neither the one thing nor the other. But his countenance fell, and 
his whole air was that of an absent man ; the rest of his dinner was bolted down 
without the garnish of intermediate talk about Maecenas ; as soon as he had 
done, he hurried from table without minding grace or gratitude, wished me 
good day with a cold and distant air, and got off as fast as possible. The un- 
feeling scoundrel, perceiving that I was no longer in a situation for him to pump 
anything out of me, would not even take the trouble to draw a decent veil over 
his dirty principles. But such a blackguard could excite no other sensa- 
tion than contempt and laughter. Looking at him with derision, the fittest 
chastisement for fellows like these, I called after him loud enough to be heard 
by the whole room : Stop there, you nun's priest ! Go and put those two bot- 
tles in ice against Maecenas comes to the Sabine farm ! Be sure they are rich, 
genuine, and old ; or they will be a farce to Falernian. 

Ch. VI. — Gil Bias goes to the play at Grenada. His surprise at seeing one of 
the actresses, and what happened thereupon. 

No sooner had Garcias rid the room of his presence, than two gentlemen came 
in, extremely well dressed, and took their seats close by me. They began talk- 
ing about the players of the Grenada company, and about a new piece which 
just then had a great run. According to their account, it was quite the town 
talk. Nothing would do for me, but to go and see it that very day. I had 
never been at the play since my residence at Grenada. As I had lived nearly 
the whole time in the archbishop's palace, where all such profane shews were, 
condemned as uncanonical, I had been cut off from every recreation of that sort. 
All my knowledge of men and manners was drawn from homilies ! 

I repaired therefore to the theatre at the appointed hour, and found a very 
full house. All around me, discussions were going on about the piece before 
the curtain drew up ; and there was not a soul in the numerous assembly but 
had some remark to make upon it. One liked it, another could not bear it. 
Do not you think the dialogue is particularly happy ? said a candid critic on my 
right : Was there ever such miserable stuff ! cried a snarling critic on my left. 
In good truth, if bad authors abound, it must be admitted that the public are at 
variance about what is good and what is bad : but the bad judges have a right to 
be pleased for their money ; and as they far outnumber the good ones, their 
favourite writers can never want employment. When one only considers through 
what an ordeal dramatic poets have to pass, it is a matter of wonder that any 
should be found hardy enough at once to contend against the ignorance of the 
multitude, and the random shot of those self-created guides in matters of taste, 
who always pretend to lead the blindness of the public judgment, and too fre- 
quently push it into the mire of absurdity. 

At length the buffoon of the piece came forward by way of prologue. As 
soon as his grotesque countenance was visible, there was a general clapping of 
hands ; a sure indication of his being one of those spoiled actors, who are al- 
lowed to take any liberties with the pit, and to be applauded through thick and 
thin. In fact, this player neither opened his lips, nor moved a muscle, without 



238 GIL BLAS. 



exciting the most extravagant raptures. He would have performed better, had 
he been less conscious what a favourite he was. But he presumed on that cir- 
cumstance most abominably. I observed that he sometimes forgot what was set 
down for him, and took the licence of adding to his part out of his own free 
fancy ; a common cause of complaint against low comedians, which, though it 
make the unskilful laugh, cannot but make the judicious grieve. Would the 
audience but receive such mirth with hisses, instead of crying bravo, they might 
restrain the absurd practice, and purge the stage from barbarism. 

Some of the other performers were greeted with the usual tokens on their en- 
trance, and particularly an actress who played the chambermaid. There was 
something about her which more than usually attracted my attention ; and lan- 
guage must sink under the labour of expressing my astonishment at tracing the 
features of Laura, that fair, that chaste, that inexpressible she, whom I supposed 
to be still at Madrid, warbling in one key, with hands, sides, voice, and mind in- 
corporate with Arsenia. But there could be no doubt of her identity. The 
kick in her gallop, the leer in her eye, and the tripping pertness of her tongue, 
all conspired in evidence that there could be no mistake. Yet, as if I had re- 
fused belief to the affidavit of my own eyes and ears, I asked her name of a 
gentleman who was sitting beside me. What the deuce ! Why, where do you 
come from ? said he. You must unquestionably be a new importation, not to 
have seen or heard of the divine Estella. 

The likeness was too perfect for me to be mistaken. It was easy to compre- 
hend why Laura, changing her sphere of action, changed her name also ; where- 
fore from curiosity to know how matters stood with her, since the public always 
pry into the most private concerns of theatrical persons, I inquired of the same 
man whether this Estella had any particular affair of gallantry on her hands. 
He informed me that for the last two months there had been a great Portuguese 
nobleman at Grenada, his name was the Marquis de Marialva, who had laid out 
a great deal of money upon her. He might have told me more, if I had not 
been afraid of becoming troublesome with my questions. I was better employed 
in musing on the information this good gentleman had given me, than in attend- 
ing to the play ; and if any one had asked me what it was all about, when the 
piece was over, I should have been puzzled for an answer. I could do nothing 
but decline Laura and Estella through all cases and numbers ; till at length I 
boldly made up my mind to call at her house the next day. Not but there was 
some risk as to the reception she might give me : it might be suspected, with- 
out excess of modesty, that my appearance would give her no great pleasure in 
the high tide of her affairs ; nor was it at all improbable that so good an actress, 
to revenge herself on a man, with whom certainly she had an account to settle, 
might look strange, and swear she had never seen his face before. Yet did 
none of these apprehensions deter me from my venture. After a light supper, 
for all the meals at my eating-house were regulated on principles of economy 
and temperance, I withdrew to my chamber with an anxious longing for the 
next day. 

My sleep was short and interrupted ; so that I got up by daybreak. But as 
it was to be recollected that a mistress in high keep was not likely to be visible 
early in the morning, I passed three or four hours in dressing, shaving, powder- 
ing, and perfuming. It was my business to present myself before her in a trim, 
not to put her to the blush at acknowledging my acquaintance. I sallied forth 
about ten o'clock, and knocked at her door, after having inquired her address 
at the theatre. She was living on the first floor of a large and elegant house. 
I told a chambermaid who opened the door to me, that a young man wanted 
to speak with her lady. The chambermaid went in to give my message, when 
all at once I heard her mistress call out, not in the best-tempered tone in 



GIL BLAS A CCIDENTALL Y DISCO VERS LA URA. 239 

the world, Who is the young man ? What does he want ? Shew him up- 
stairs. 

This was a hint to me that my time was ill chosen ; that probably her Portu- 
guese lover was at her toilette, and that she spoke so loud, with the laudable 
design of convincing him that she was not a sort of girl to allow of any im- 
pertinent intruders. This conjecture of mine turned out to be the fact ; the 
Marquis de Marialva lounged away almost every morning with her : I had made 
up my mind to be kicked down-stairs by way of welcome ; but that admirable 
actress, never forgetting her cue, ran forward with open arms at the sight of me, 
exclaiming : Ah ! my dear brother, is it you that I behold ? On the strength 
of so near a kindred, she was no niggard of her embraces ; but recollected her- 
self so far as to say, turning round to the Portuguese, My lord, you must excuse 
me if nature will put in her claim, and trench upon good breeding. After three 
years of absence, I cannot see a brother once again, whom I love so tenderly, 
without expressing my feelings in all their warmth. Come ! my dear Gil Bias, 
continued she, addressing me afresh, tell me some news of the family : in what 
circumstances did you leave it ? 

This whimsical scene disconcerted me at first ; but I was not long in seeing 
through Laura's intention ; and playing up to her with a spirit scarcely less than 
her own, answered according to the plot : Heaven be praised, sister, all our good 
folks are in perfect health, and well in the world. I make no doubt, resumed 
she, but you must be very much surprised to find me an actress in Grenada ; but 
hear me first and blame me afterwards. It is three years, as you may recollect, 
since my father thought to have established me advantageously in marriage with 
Don Antonio Ccello, an officer in the service, who took me from the Asturias to 
Madrid, his native place. Six months after our arrival, he got into an affair of 
honour in consequence of his violent temper. Some attentions incautiously paid 
to me were the cause of the affray, and his antagonist was killed. This gentle- 
man was of a family high in rank and interest. My husband, who though 
well born, had very few connections, made his escape into Catalonia with every- 
thing he could get together in jewels and ready money. He embarked at 
Barcelona, went over into Italy, enlisted in the Venetian service, and finally lost 
his life in the Morea, fighting against the Turks. In the mean time, a landed 
estate which constituted our whole revenue was confiscated, and I was left a 
widow with very little for my support. What was to be done in so pressing an 
emergency ? There was nothing left to pay my travelling expenses back into 
the Asturias. And then what should I have done there ? I should have got 
nothing from my family but a long string of condolences, which would have 
furnished me neither with food nor with raiment. On the other hand, I had 
been too well brought up to fall into those courses, into which too many poor 
young women are betrayed for the sake of a scandalous subsistence. There was 
but one thing remaining for me to determine on. I turned actress to preserve 
my morals. 

So tingling a sense of ridicule came over me, when Laura wound up her 
romance with this pious motive for turning actress, that I could scarcely refrain 
from relieving myself by a fit of laughter. But gravity was of too much conse- 
quence to be dispensed with ; and I said to her with an air the counterpart of 
her own — My dear sister, I entirely approve of your conduct, and am heartily 
glad to meet with you at Grenada, and moreover settled on so respectable a 
footing. 

The Marquis de Marialva, who had not lost a word of all these fine speeches, 
swallowed down blindfold whatever Don Antonio's widow thought fit to 
drench his credulity with. He took part in the conversation too, and asked 
me whether I had any fixed employment in Grenada or elsewhere. I paused 



240 GIL BLAS. 



for a moment to consider whether and after what manner I should lie ; but as 
there seemed no need in this case to draw on my invention, I told the truth by- 
way of variety. In a plain matter of fact manner did I rehearse my introduc- 
tion to the archbishop's palace, and my discharge therefrom, to the infinite 
amusement of his Portuguese lordship. To be sure, in telling the truth, I did 
not keep my word, for I could not help launching out a little at the archbishop's 
expense, in spite of my solemn promise given to Melchior. But the best of the 
joke was, that Laura, taking my story for a fiction invented after her example, 
burst out into peals of laughter : whereas the whimsicality of the circumstance 
would have raised a soberer mirth, had she known it to have been alloyed with 
the base ingredient of veracity. 

After having come to the end of my tale, which closed with just mentioning 
the lodging I had taken, dinner was announced. I instantly motioned to with- 
draw, as if intending to take that frugal meal at home ; but Laura would not 
hear of it. Do you mean to affront me, brother? said she. You must dine 
here. Indeed, I cannot think of your staying any longer at a paltry inn. You 
must positively board and lodge in my house. Send your trunks hither this 
very evening ; there is a spare bed for you. 

His Portuguese lordship, possibly not altogether relishing this excess of hos- 
pitality even to a brother, then interfered between us, and said to Laura — No, 
Estella, you have not sufficient accommodation to give him a bed without incon- 
venience. Your brother seems to be a clever young fellow ; and the circum- 
stance of his being so nearly related to you, gives him a strong claim on my 
kindness. He shall be put at once upon my establishment. I am in want of 
a secretary, and shall delight in giving him the appointment : he shall be my 
right-hand man. Let him be sure to come and sleep at my house this very night ; 
I will order a room -to be got ready for him. I will fix his regular salary at 
four hundred ducats ; and if on better acquaintance I have reason, as I trust 
I shall, to be satisfied with him, I will place him in a situation to laugh at 
the consequences of having been a little too plain-spoken with his patron the 
archbishop. 

My acknowledgments to the marquis for this high honour were followed by 
those of Laura, who far exceeded me in powers of panegyric. Let us drop 
the subject, interrupted he; it is a settled point. Settled as it was, he con- 
firmed the contract on the lips of his green-room Dulcinea, and went his way. 
She immediately pulled me by the arm into a closet, where, secure from inter- 
ruption, she cried out, Cut my laces ! I shall burst if I do not give way at 
once to the fit of laughter that is coming over me. And so she probably would ; 
for she threw herself into an arm-chair, and holding both her sides, shouted 
out her convulsive peal of mirth like a mad woman. It was impossible for me 
to refrain from following her example. When we had exhausted our risible 
propensities, Own, Gil Bias, said she, that we have just been acting a very 
humorous farce. But I did not look for the concluding scene. My only 
thought was to secure you board and lodging under my own roof ; and there 
was no other possibility of making the proposition in a modest way but by pass- 
ing you off for my brother. But I am heartily glad that the chapter of accidents 
has opened with so good a berth for you. The Marquis de Marialva is a noble- 
man of liberal and honourable sentiments, who will be better than his word in 
what he does for you. But confess now ! There is scarcely a woman in exist- 
ence except myself, would have given so coming-on a reception to a fellow who 
shirks his friends without saying with your leave or by your leave. I however 
am one of those simple-hearted girls, who are glad to receive back again the 
base man they have once loved, though he should have offended and repented 
seven, or even seven thousand times. 



LA URA'S STOR Y. 241 



The best way for me was to acknowledge the extreme ill -breeding of which 
I had been guilty, to blush and beg pardon once for all. After this explana- 
tion, she led the way to a very handsome dining-room. We placed ourselves 
at table, where having a chambermaid and a footboy for eye-witnesses, we kept 
within the bounds of brother and sister. When we had done dinner, we went 
back again into the same closet where we had been conversing before. Having 
our time to ourselves, my paragon of a Laura, giving herself up to her natural 
love of merriment, and to her no less natural curiosity, required from me a 
faithful and true narrative of all my pros and cons, my ins and outs, since that 
unmannerly separation of ours. I gave her a full and particular account : 
nothing extenuating on my own behalf, nor setting down aught in malice on 
the other side. When I had quenched her thirst after a story, she slaked mine, 
by communicating the particulars of her eventful life to the following effect. 

Ch. VII.— Laura's Story. 

I SHALL just run over to you, as briefly as possible, the circumstances which 
led me to embrace the theatrical profession. 

After you took French leave, so much to your credit, great events happened. 
My mistress Arsenia, more surfeited with a glut of pleasures than scandalized 
at their immorality, renounced the stage, and took me with her to a fine estate ■ 
which she had just purchased in the neighbourhood of Zenora with the wages of 
her sinful life. We soon got acquainted in the town. Our visits there were very 
frequent ; and sometimes for a day or two together. With the exception of these 
little excursions, we were as closely domesticated as probationers in a nunnery, 
and almost as piously employed. 

On one of our high days and holidays, Don Felix Moldonado, the corregi- 
dor's only son, saw me by chance, and took a liking to me. He soon found 
an opportunity of speaking with me in private ; and, as it is in vain to affect 
modesty before one who knows me so well, there was some little contrivance of 
my own to bring the interview about. The young gentleman was not twenty 
years of age ; the very picture of Venus's sweetheart, or Venus's sweetheart 
the very picture of him ; with a form for a sculptor to work from ; with an 
address so elegant, and with sentiments so generous, as to throw even his per- 
sonal graces into the background. There was such a winning way with him, 
so pressing an earnestness to prevail, when he took a large diamond from his 
own finger, and slid it upon mine, that it would have been quite brutal not to 
have let it stay there. It was really something like sentiment that I began to 
entertain towards a swain of so interesting a character. But what an absurd 
thing it is for wenches of a certain sort to hook themselves upon young men of 
family, when their surly fathers hold official situations ! The corregidor, who 
had scarcely his equal in the whole tribe of corregidors, got wind of our corre- 
spondence, and determined to close it in a summary manner. He sent a host 
of alguazils to take me into custody, who dragged me away, in spite of my 
cries and tears, to the house of correction for female penitents. 

There, without bill of indictment or form of trial, the lady abbess ordered me 
to be stripped of my ring and my clothes, and to be dressed in the habit of the 
institution ; a long gown of grey serge tied about > the middle with a strap of 
black leather, whence depended a rosary with large beads swinging down to 
my heels. After this pleasant reception, they took me into a hall, where there 
was an old monk, the deuce knows of what order, who set to work preaching 
up repentance and resignation, pretty much in the same strain as Dame Leon- 
arda, when she exhorted you to patience in the subterraneous cavern. He told 
me that I was excessively obliged indeed to those good people who had so 



242 GIL BLAS. 



kindly shut me up, and could never thank them sufficiently for their good deed, 
in rescuing me from the harpy talons of the world, the flesh, and the devil. 
But I must frankly own that all my other sins were pressed down and heaped 
high with ingratitude : far from overflowing with the milk of human kindness 
towards those who had conferred such a favour upon me, I abused them in 
terms that would have put any dictionary to the blush. 

Eight days thus passed in this wilderness of desolation ; but on the ninth, for 
I had notched the hours and even the minutes on a stick, my fate seemed be- 
ginning to take another turn. Crossing a little court, I met the house steward, 
a personage whose will was absolute ; yes, the lady abbess herself was obedient 
to his will. He rendered an account of his stewardship to none but the corre- 
gidor, on whom alone he was dependent, and whose confidence in him was un- 
bounded. His name was Pedro Zendono, and the town of Salsedon in Biscay 
laid claim to the honour of his birth. Figure to yourself a tall man, with the 
complexion of a mummy and the bare anatomy of a dealer in mortification ; he 
might have sat for the penitent thief in a picture of the crucifixion. He scarcely 
ever cast a carnal glance towards us Magdalens. You never saw such a face of 
rank hypocrisy in all your life, though you have spent some part of it under the 
same roof with the archbishop, and are not unacquainted with the clergy of his 
diocese. 

But to return from this digression ; .... I met this Signor Zendono, who 
said to me slily as he passed — Take comfort, my girl, I am sensibly affected 
with your wretched case. He said no more, and went on his way, leaving me 
to make my own comments on so concise and general a text. As he looked 
like a good man, and there was no positive evidence to set against his looks, I 
was simpleton enough to fancy that he had taken the trouble of inquiring why 
I was shut up ; and meant, not finding me so atrocious a culprit as to deserve 
such shameful insults, to take my part with the corregidor. But I was not up 
to the tricks of the Biscayan, he had a much longer head. He was turning over 
in his mind the scheme of an elopement, and made the proposal to me in pro- 
found privacy some days afterwards. My dear Laura, said he, your sufferings 
have taken such deep possession of my mind, that I have determined to end 
them. I am perfectly aware that my own ruin is involved in the measure, but 
needs must when the tender passion drives. To-morrow morning do I intend 
to take you out of prison, and conduct you in person to Madrid. No sacrifice 
is too great for the pleasure of being your deliverer. 

I was very near fainting with surprise and joy at this promise of Zendono, 
who, concluding from my acknowledgments that my very life depended on my 
rescue, had the effrontery to carry me off next day in the face of the whole town, 
by the following device : — He told the lady abbess that he had orders to take 
me before the corregidor, who was at his country box a few miles of; and with- 
out betraying himself by a single change of countenance, packed me off, with 
him for my companion, in a post-chaise drawn by two good mules which he 
had bought for the occasion. Our only attendant was the driver, a servant of 
his own, and entirely devoted to the steward by stronger ties than those of 
gratitude. We began bowling away, not in the direction of Madrid, as I had 
taken for granted, but towards the frontiers of Portugal, whither we got in less 
time than it took the corregidor of Zamora to receive the deposition of our flight, 
and uncouple his pack or set them barking at our heels. 

Before we entered Braganza, the Biscayan made me put on man's clothes, 
with which he had taken the precaution of providing himself. Reckoning on 
me as being fairly launched in the same boat with him, he said to me in the 
inn where we put up, Lovely Laura, do not take it unkindly of me to have brought 
you into Portugal. The corregidor of Zamora will make our own country too 



LA URA'S STOR Y. 243 



hot to hold us, for in his eyes we are two criminals, under the weight of whose 
enormities it is not for Spain to groan. But we may set his malice at defiance 
in this distant realm, though at the present conjuncture under the dominion of 
the Spanish monarchy. At least we shall stand a better chance for safety here 
than at home. League your fortunes with those of a man who would follow you 
in prosperity or in adversity through the world. Let us fix our residence at 
Coimbra. There I will get employed as a spy for the inquisition ; under the 
cover of that formidable tribunal, a refreshing shade for us, but Cimmerian 
darkness to its victims, our days will glide smoothly on in ease and pleasure, 
we shall fatten on the spoil of religious delinquency. 

A proposal so much to the point gave me to understand that I had to do with 
a knight, who had other motives for officiating as the guardian of distressed 
damsels, besides the honour of chivalry. I saw at once that he reckoned much 
on my gratitude, and still more on my distress. Nevertheless, though these 
two pleas were almost equally eloquent in his favour, I rejected his addresses 
with disdain. The reason was, that there were two advocates still more eloquent 
on the side of a refusal ; a certainty that he was disagreeable, and a strong sus- 
picion that he was poor. But when he returned to the charge, and offered to 
say the grace of matrimony before he fell to, proving to me at the same time, 
by the undeniable evidence of cash in hand, that his stewardship had enabled 
him to live in clover for a long time to come, the truth must come out in spite 
of blushes ; my heart was softened, and my ears unstopped. I was dazzled by 
the gold and jewels which he laid out in burning row before me, and became a 
living monument in my own person, that miraculous transformations are effect- 
ed by the power of pelf, as well as by the wand of love. My Biscayan became, 
by little and little, quite another sort of man in my eyes. His tall body and 
bare bones were plumped up into a shapely and commanding figure ; his ca- 
daverous complexion was improved into a manly brown : even that look, as if 
butter would not melt in his mouth, was no longer hypocrisy, but a staid and 
decent aspect. Having made these discoveries, I accepted his hand without 
any material abhorrence, and he plighted the usual vows in all due form. After 
this, like a good wife, I kept the spirit of contradiction as much as possible 
under the hatches. We resumed our journey, and Coimbra soon received a new 
family within its walls. 

My husband stocked my wardrobe as became my sex and station, making me 
a present of several diamonds, among which I fixed my eye on that of Don 
Felix Maldonado. There were no further documents wanting to give a shrewd 
guess whence came all the precious stones I had seen, and to be morally certain 
that I had not married a troublesomely nice observer of the eighth article in the 
decalogue. Yet, considering myself as the main-spring of all his little devia- 
tions from the strict law of propriety, it was not for me to judge harshly on that 
point. A woman can always find a palliation for the misdeeds which are set 
in motion by the power of her own beauty. But for that, he certainly would 
have ranked no higher than one of the wicked in my estimation. 

I had no great reason to complain of him for two or three months. His at- 
tentions were always polite and kind, amounting apparently to a sincere and 
tender affection. But no such thing! These proofs of wedded love, this wor- 
shipping with th 5 body, and endowing with the worldly goods, were all but a 
copy of his countenance ; for the cheating fellow meant, as men serve a cucum- 
ber, to throw me away on the first opportunity. One morning, at my return 
from mass, I found nothing at home but the bare walls ; the moveables, not 
excepting my own apparel, every stick and every thread, had been carried off. 
Zendono and his faithful servant had taken their measures so adroitly, that in 
less than an hour the house had been completely gutted ; so that with nothing 



244 °I L BLAS. 



but the gown upon my back, and Don Felix's ring, as good luck would have it, 
on my finger, here stood I, like another Ariadne, abandoned by the ungrateful 
rifler of my effects as well as of my charms. But you may take my word for it, 
I did not beguile the sense of my misfortunes in tragedy, elegy, scene individ- 
able, or poem unlimited. I rather fell upon my knees, and blessed my guard- 
ian angel, for having delivered me from a rascal who must sooner or later fall 
into the hands of justice. The time we had passed together I considered in the 
light of a dead loss, and my spirits were all on the alert to make up for it. If 
I had been inclined to stay in Portugal, as a hanger-on to some woman of fash- 
ion, I should have found no difficulty in suiting myself ; but whether it was 
patriotism, or some astrological conjunction, preparing a better fortune for me 
under the influence of the planets, my whole heart was bent on getting back into 
Spain. I applied to a jeweller, who valued my diamond and gave me cash for 
it, and then took my departure with an old Spanish lady who was going to 
Seville in a post-chaise. 

This lady, whose name was Dorothea, had been to see a relation settled at 
Coimbra, and was on her return to Seville, where she lived. There was such 
a sympathy between us, as made us fast friends on the very first day of our 
acquaintance ; and the attachment grew so close while we travelled together, 
that the lady insisted, at our journey's end, on my making her house my home. 
I had no reason to repent having formed such a connection. Never was there 
a woman of a more charming character. One might still conclude from the 
turn of her countenance, and from the spirit not yet quenched in her eyes, that 
in her youth the catgut of many a guitar must have been fretted under her 
window. As a proof of this, she had many trials what a state of widowhood 
was ; her husbands had all been of noble birth, and her finances were flourish- 
ing on the accumulation of her several jointures. 

Among other admirable qualities, she had that of not visiting severely the 
frailties of her own sex. When I let her into the secret of mine, she entered so 
warmly into my interests, as to speak of Zendono with more sincerity than good 
manners. What graceless fellows these men are! said she in a tone from 
which one might infer that she had met with some light-fingered steward in the 
passing of her accounts. They would not be worth picking off a dunghill, if 
one could do without them ! There is a large fraternity of sorry scoundrels in 
the world, who make it their sport to gain the hearts of women, and then 
desert them. There is, however, one consoling circumstance, my dear child. 
According to your account, you are by no means bound fast to that faithless 
Biscayan. If your marriage with him was sufficiently formal to save your 
credit with the world, on the other hand, it was contracted loosely enough to 
admit of your trying your luck at a better match, whenever an opportunity may 
fall in your way. 

I went out every day with Dorothea, either to church, or to visit among her 
friends ; both likely occasions of picking up an adventure ; so that I attracted 
the notice of several gentlemen. There were some of them who had a mind to 
feel how the land lay. They made their proposals to my venerable protectress ; 
but these had not wherewithal to defray the expenses of an establishment, and 
those were mere unfledged boys under age; an insuperable objection, which 
left me very little merit in turning a deaf ear to them. One day a whim seized 
Dorothea and me, to go and see a* play at Seville. The bills announced a 
favourite and standard piece : El Embaxador de Si-mismo, written by Lope de 
Vega. 

Among the actresses who came upon the stage, I discovered one of my old 
cronies. It was impossible to have forgotten Phenicia, that bouncing good- 
humoured girl whom you have seen as Florimonde's waiting-maid, and have 



LA URA'S S TOR Y. 245 



L 



supped with more than once at Arsenia's. I was aware that Phenicia had left 
Madrid above two years ago, but had never heard of her turning actress. I 
longed so earnestly to embrace her, that the piece appeared quite tedious. Per- 
haps, too, there might be some fault in those who played it, as being neither 
good enough nor bad enough to afford me entertainment. For as to my own 
temper, which is that of seeking diversion wherever I can find it, I must confess 
that an actor supremely ridiculous answers my purpose just as well as the most 
finished performer of the age. 

At last, the moment I had been waiting for being arrived, namely the drop- 
ping of the curtain on this favourite and standard piece, we went, for my widow 
would go with me, behind the scenes, where we caught a glimpse of Phenicia, 
who was playing off the amiable and unaffected simpleton, and listening with 
all the primness of studied simplicity to the soft chirping of a young stagefinch, 
who had evidently suffered himself to be caught in the birdlime of her pro- 
fessional or meretricious talents. No sooner did her eye meet mine, than she 
quitted him with a genteel apology, ran up to me with open arms, and lavished 
upon me all the demonstrations of strong attachment imaginable. Our express- 
ions of joy at this unexpected meeting were indeed reciprocal ; but neither 
time nor place admitting of any very copious indulgence in the privilege of 
asking questions, we adjourned till the following day, with a promise of renew- 
ing our mutual inquiries thick and threefold, under the shelter of her friendly 
roof. 

The pleasure of talking is the inextinguishable passion of woman, coeval with 
the act of breathing. I could not get a wink of sleep all night, for the burn- 
ing desire of having a grapple with Phenicia, and closing in upon her in the 
conflict of curiosity. Witness all the powers who preside over tattling, whether 
the love of lying in bed, another passion of woman, prevented me from getting 
up and flying to my appointment as early as good manners would allow. She 
lived with the rest of the company in a large ready-furnished lodging. A female 
attendant who met me at entrance, on being requested to shew me Phenicia's 
apartment, led the way up-stairs to a gallery, along which were ranged ten or 
twelve small rooms, divided only by partitions of deal boards, and inhabited by 
this merry band. My conductress knocked at a door which Phenicia opened ; 
for her tongue was cruelly on the fidget to be let loose, as well as my own. 
We allowed ourselves no time for the impertinent ceremonies which usually 
usher in a visit, but plunged at once into a most furious career of loquacity. It 
seemed as if we should have a tight bout together. There were so many in- 
terrogatories to be bandied backwards and forwards, that question and answer 
rebounded like tennis-balls, only with tenfold velocity. 

After having related our adventures each to other, and inquired into the 
actual condition of affairs, Phenicia asked me how I meant to provide for 
myself. My reply was, that I purposed, while waiting for something better, to 
get a situation with some young lady of quality. For shame, exclaimed my 
other self, you shall not think of such a thing. Is it possible, my darling, that 
you should not yet be disgusted with menial service? Are you not heartily sick 
of knocking under to the good or ill pleasure of others, of being cap-in-hand to 
all their caprices, and after all to be entertained with that unchangeable tune 
called a scolding, in a word, to be a downright slave? Why do not you follow 
my example, and turn your thoughts tow^xls the stage? Nothing can be better 
suited to people of parts, when they happen not to be equally favoured in the 
articles of wealth and birth. It is a sphere of life which holds a middle rank 
between the nobility and mere tradespeople ; a profession exempted from all 
troublesome restraint, and raised far above the common prejudices of humble 
and decent society. The public are our bankers, and we draw upon them at 



246 GIL BLAS. 



sight. We live in a continual round of ecstacy, and spend our money to the 
full as fast as we earn it. 

The theatre (for she went on at a great rate) is favourable above all to 
women. When I lived with Florimonde, it is a misery to think' of it, I was 
reduced to take up with the supernumeraries of the prince's company ; not a 
single man of fashion paid the least attention to my figure. How came that 
about? Because they never got a glimpse of it. The finest picture in the 
world may escape the admiration of the connoisseurs, if it is not placed in a 
proper light. But since I have been suitably framed and varnished, which 
could only happen in consequence of a theatrical finish, what a revolution ! 
The finest young fellows of all the towns we pass through are shuffling at my 
heels. An actress therefore has all her little comforts about her, without de- 
viating from the line* of her duty. If she is discreet, by which we mean that 
she should not admit more than one lover into her good graces at a time, her 
exemplary conduct is cried up as without a parallel. She is called a very 
Niobe for her coldness ; and when she changes her favourite, she is reprimanded 
as slightly by the world, as a lawful widow who marries a few weeks too soon 
after the death of her first husband. If, however, the widow should look for 
luck in odd numbers, and take to herself a third, the contempt of all mankind 
is poured down on her devoted head ; she is considered as a monster of indeli- 
cacy ; whereas we happier women are so much the more in vogue, as we add 
to the list of our favourites. After having been served up to a hundred differ- 
ent lovers, some battered nobleman finds us a dainty dish for himself. 

Do you mean that by way of news? interrupted I as she uttered the last sen- 
timent. Do you imagine me to be ignorant of" these advantages ? I have often 
conned them over in my mind, and they are but too alluring to a girl of my 
character. The attractions of the stage would be irresistible, were inclination 
all. But some little talent is indispensable ; and I have not a spark. I have 
sometimes attempted to rehearse passages from plays before Arsenia. She was 
never satisfied with my performance ; and that disgusted me with the profession. 
You are easily put out of conceit with yourself, replied Phenicia. Do not you 
know that these great actresses are very apt to be jealous? With all their 
vanity, they are afraid lest some newer face should put them out of countenance. 
In short, I would not be guided by Arsenia on that subject ; she did not give her 
real opinion. In my judgment, and without meaning to flatter you, the theatre is 
your natural element. You have admirable powers, free and graceful action, a 
fine-toned voice, volubility of declamation, and such a turn of countenance ! 
Ah ! you little rogue ! you will bring all the young fellows behind the scenes, if 
once you take to the boards ! 

She plied me with many flattering compliments besides ; and made me recite 
some lines, only by way of enabling me to form my own judgment as to my 
theatrical genius. Now that she was my censor, it seemed quite another thing. 
She praised me up to the skies, and held all the actresses in Madrid as mere 
makeweights in the scale. After such a testimony, it would have been inex- 
cusable to hesitate about my own merit. Arsenia stood attainted, nay, con- 
victed of jealousy and treachery. There could be no question about my being 
everything that was delightful. Two players happened to drop in by accident, 
and Phenicia prevailed on me to repeat the lines I had already spouted ; they 
fell into a sort of enthusiastic trance, whence they were roused only to launch 
out fervently in admiration of me. Literally, had they all three been flattering 
me up for a wager, they could not have adopted a more extravagant scale of 
panegyric. My modesty was not proof against such praise from those who 
were themselves praised. I began to think myself really worthy of something ; 
and now was my whole heart and soul turned towards a theatrical life. 



LA URA 'S STOR Y. 247 



Since this is the case, said I to Phenicia, the affair is determined. I will 
follow your advice and engage in your company, if they will accept me. My 
friend, transported with joy at this proposal, clasped me in her arms ; and her 
two companions seemed no less delighted than herself at finding me in that 
humour. It was settled that I should attend the theatre on the following day 
in the morning, and exhibit before the collected body the same sample of my 
talent as I had just displayed. If I had bought golden opinions from Phenicia 
and her friends, the actors in general were still more complimentary in their 
judgment, after I had recited but twenty lines before them. They gave me an 
engagement with the utmost willingness. Then there was nothing thought of 
but my first appearance. To make it as striking as possible, I laid out all the 
money remaining from the sale of my ring ; and though my funds would not 
allow of being splendid in my dress, I discovered the art of substituting taste 
for glitter, and converting my poverty into a new grace. 

At length I came out. What clapping of hands ! what general admiration ! 
It would be speaking faintly, my friend, to tell you downright that the specta- 
tors were all in an ecstacy. You must have heard with your own ears what 
a noise I made at Seville, to believe it. The whole talk of the town was about 
me, and the house was crowded for three weeks successively ; so that this 
novelty restored the theatre to its popularity, when it was evidently beginning 
to decline. Thus did I come upon the stage, and step into public favour at 
once. But to come upon the stage with such distinction, is generally a prelude 
to coming upon the town ; or at least to putting one r s self up at auction to the 
best bidder. Twenty sparks of all ages, from seventeen to seventy, were on 
the list of candidates, and would have worn me in my newest gloss. Had I 
followed my own inclination, I should have chosen the youngest, and the most 
of a lady's man ; but in our profession, interest and ambition must bear the 
sway, till we have feathered our nest ; that is as invariable a rule as any in 
the prompt book. On this principle, Don Ambrosio de Nisana, a man in 
whom age and ugliness had done their worst, but rich, generous, and one of the 
most powerful noblemen in Andalusia, had the refusal of the bargain. It is 
true that he paid handsomely for it. He took a fine house for me, furnished 
in the extreme of magnificence, allowed me a man cook of the first eminence, 
two footmen, a lady's maid, and a thousand ducats a month for my personal 
expenses. Add to all this a rich wardrobe, and an elegant assortment of 
jewels. 

What a revolution in my affairs ! My poor brain was completely turned. I 
could not believe myself to be the same person. No wonder if girls soon forget 
the meanness and misery whence some man of quality has rescued them in a fit 
of caprice. My confession shall be without reserve : public applause, flattering 
speeches buzzed about on every side, and Don Ambrosio's passion kindled such 
a flame of self-conceit as kept me in a continual ferment of extravagance. I 
considered my talents as a patent of nobility. I put on the woman of fashion ; 
and becoming as chary as I had hitherto been lavish of my amorous challengers, 
determined to look no lower than dukes, counts, or marquises. 

My lord of Nisana brought some of his friends to sup with me every evening. 
It was my care to invite the best companions among our actresses, and we 
wore away a good part of the night in laughing and drinking. I fell in very 
kindly with so delicious a life ; but it lasted only six months. Men of rank are 
apt to be whimsical ; but for that fault, they would be too heavenly. Don 
Ambrosio deserted me for a young coquette from Grenada, who had just 
brought a pretty person to the Seville market, and knew how to set off her 
wares to the best advantage. But I did not fret after him more than four-and- 
twenty. hours. His place was supplied by a young fellow of two-and-twenty, 



248 GIL BLAS. 



Don Lewis d' Alcacer, with whom few Spaniards could vie in point of face 
and figure. 

You will ask me, doubtless, and it is natural to do so, why I selected so 
green a sprig of nobility for my paramour, when my own experience so strongly 
dissuaded from such a choice. But, besides that Don Lewis had neither father 
nor mother, and was already in possession of his fortune, you are to know that 
there is no danger of disagreeable consequences attaching to any but girls in a 
servile condition of life, or those unfortunate loose fish who are game for every 
sportsman. Ladies of our profession are privileged persons; we let off our 
charms like a rocket, and are not answerable for the damage where they fall ; 
so much the worse for those families whose heirs we set in a blaze. 

As for Alcacer and myself, we were so strongly attached to one another, 
that I verily believe, love never yet did such execution as when he took aim at 
us two. Our passion was of such a violent nature, that we seemed to be under 
the influence of some spell. Those who knew how well we were together, 
thought us the happiest pair in the world ; but we, who knew best, found our- 
selves the most miserable. Though Don Lewis had as fine an outside as ever 
fell to the lot of man, he was at the same time so jealous, that there was no 
living for vexation at his unfounded surmises. It was of no use, knowing his 
weakness and humouring it, to lay an embargo on my looks, if ever a male 
creature peeped into harbour ; his suspicious temper, seldom at a loss for 
some crime to impute, rendered my armed neutrality of no avail. Our most 
tender moments had always a spice of wrangling. There was no standing the 
brunt of it ; patience could hold out no longer on either side, and we quarrelled 
more peaceably than we had loved. Could you believe that the last day of our 
being together was the happiest ? both equally wearied out by the perpetual 
recurrence of unpleasant circumstances, we gave a loose to our transports when 
we embraced for the last time. We were like two wretched captives, breath- 
ing the fresh air of liberty after all the horrors of our prison-house. 

Since that adventure, I have worn a breastplate against the little archer. No 
more amorous nonsense for me, at least to a troublesome excess ! It is quite 
out of our line, to sigh and complain like Arcadian shepherdesses. Those 
should never give way to a passion in private, who hold it up to ridicule before 
the public. 

While these events were passing in my domestic establishment, Fame had 
not hung her trumpet breathless on the willows ; she spread it about universally 
that I was an inimitable actress. That celestial tattler, though bankrupt times 
out of number, still contrives to revive her credit ; the comedians of Grenada 
therefore wrote to offer me an engagement in their company ; and by way of 
evidence that the proposal was not to be scorned, they sent me a statement of 
their daily receipts and disbursements, with their terms, which seemed to be 
advantageous. That being the case, I closed, though grieved in my heart to 
part with Phenicia and Dorothea, whom I loved as well as woman is capable 
of loving woman. I left the first laudably employed in melting the plate of a 
little haggling goldsmith, whose vanity so far got the better of his avarice that 
he must needs have a theatrical heroine for his mistress. I forgot to tell you that 
on my translation to the stage, from mere whim, I changed the name of Laura to 
that of Estella ; and it was under the latter name that I took this engagement 
at Grenada. 

My first appearance was no less successful here than at Seville ; and I soon 
felt myself wafted along by the sighs of my admirers. But resolving not to 
favour any except on honourable terms, I kept a guard of modesty in my inter- 
course with them, which threw dust in their eyes. Nevertheless, not to be the 
dupe of virtues which pay very indifferently, and were not exactly at home in 



GIL BLAS GOES TO THE MARQUIS DE MARIALVA S. 249 

e 

their new mansion, I was balancing whether or not to take up with a young 
fellow of mean extraction, who had a place under government, and assumed the 
style of a gentleman in virtue of his office, with a good table and handsome 
equipage, when I saw the Marquis de Marialva for the first time. This Portu- 
guese nobleman, travelling over Spain from mere curiosity, stopped at Grenada 
as he passed through it. He came to the play. I did not perform that even- 
ing. His examination of the actresses was very particular, and he found one 
to his liking. Their acquaintance commenced on the very next day ; and the 
definitive treaty was very nearly concluded when I appeared upon .the stage. 
What with some personal graces, and no little affectation in setting them off, 
the weather-cock veered about all on a sudden ; my Portuguese was mine and 
mine only till death do us part. Yet, since the truth must be told, I knew per- 
fectly that my sister of the sock and buskin had entrapped this nobleman, and 
spared no pains to chouse her out of her prize; to my success you are yourself a 
witness. She bears me no small grudge on that account ; but the thing could 
not be avoided. She ought to reflect that it is the way of all female flesh ; that 
the dearest friends play off the same trick upon one another, and put a good 
face upon it into the bargain. 

Ch. VIII. — The reception of Gil Bias among the players at Gre?iada ; and an- 
ot/ier old acquaintance picked up in the green-room. 

Just as Laura was finishing her story, there came in an old actress who lived 
in her neighbourhood, and was come to take her to the theatre as she passed 
by. This venerable tutelary of the stage was admirably fitted to play some 
superannuated strumpet among the heathen goddesses in a pantomime. My 
sister was not remiss in introducing her brother to that stale old harridan, 
whereupon a profusion of compliments were bandied about on both sides. 

I left them together, telling the steward's relict that I would join her again 
at the playhouse, as soon as I had sent my baggage to the Marquis de Marial- 
va' s, to whose residence she directed me. First I went to the room I had hired, 
whence, after having settled with my landlady, I repaired with a porter who 
carried my luggage to a large ready-furnished house, where my new master 
was quartered. At the door I met his steward, who asked me if I was not 
the lady Estella's brother. I answered in the affirmative. Then you are wel- 
come, Signor cavalier, replied he. The Marquis de Marialva, whose steward I 
have the honour to be, has commissioned me to receive you properly. There 
is a room got ready for you ; I will shew you the way to it, if you please, that 
you may be quite at home. Pie took me up to the top of the house, and thrust 
me into so small a room, that a very narrow bed, a chest of drawers, and two 
chairs completely filled it. This was my apartment. You will not have much 
spare room, said my conductor, but as a set-off, I promise you that you shall 
be superbly lodged at Lisbon. I locked up my portmanteau in the wardrobe 
and put the key in my pocket, asking at the same time what was the hour of 
supper. The answer was, that his lordship seldom supped at home, but allow- 
ed each servant a monthly sum for board wages. I put several other questions, 
and leamt that the Marquis's people were a happy set of idle fellows. After a 
conversation short and sweet, I left the steward to go and look for Laura, re- 
flecting much to my own satisfaction on the happy omens I drew from the open- 
ing of my new situation. 

As soon as I got to the playhouse door, and mentioned my name as Estella's 
brother, there was free admission at once. You might have observed the for- 
wardness of the guards to make way for me, just as if I had been one of the most 
considerable noblemen in Grenada. All the supernumeraries, door-keepers, and 



250 GIL BLAS. 



receivers of checks whom I encountered in my progress, made me their very 
best bows. But what I should like best to give the reader an idea of, is the 
serious reception which the merry vagrants gave me in the green-room, where 
I found the whole dramatis persons ready dressed, and on the point of drawing 
up the curtain. The actors and actresses, to whom Laura introduced me, fell 
upon me without mercy. The men were quite troublesome with their greetings ; 
and the women, not to be outdone, laid their plastered faces alongside of mine, 
till they covered it with a villanous compound of red and white. No one 
choosing to be the last in making me welcome, they all paid their compliments 
in a breath. Mollis himself, answering from all the points of the compass at 
once, would not have been a match for them : but my sister was ; for the loan 
of her tongue was always at the service of a friend, and she brought me com- 
pletely out of debt. 

But I did not get clear off with the squeezes of the principal performers. The 
civilities of the scene-painters, the band, the prompter, the candle-snuffer, and 
the call-boy were to be endured with patience ; all the understrappers in the 
theatre came to see me run the gauntlet. One would have supposed one's self 
in a foundling hospital, and that they had none of them ever known what sort 
of animals brothers and sisters were. 

In the mean time the play began. Some gentlemen who were behind the 
scenes, then ran to get seats in the front of the house ; for my part, feeling my- 
self quite at home, I continued in conversation with those of the actors who 
were waiting to go on. Among the number there was one whom they called Mel- 
chior. The name struck me. I looked hard at the person who answered to 
it, and thought I had seen him somewhere. At last I recollected that it was 
Melchior Zapata, a poor strolling player, who has been described in the first 
volume of this true history, as soaking his crusts in the pure element. 

I immediately took him aside, and said : I am much mistaken if you are not 
that Signor Melchior with whom I had the honour of breakfasting one day by 
the margin of a clear fountain, between Valladolid and Segovia. I was with a 
journeyman barber. We had some provisions with us which we clubbed with 
yours, and all three partook of a little rural feast, to which wit and anecdote 
gave additional relish. Zapata bethought him for a minute or two, and then 
answered : You tell me of a circumstance which often since came across my 
mind. I had then just been trying my fortune at Madrid, and was returning to 
Zamora. I recollect perfectly that my affairs were a little out at elbows. I 
recollect it too, replied I, by the token of a doublet which you wore, lined with 
play-bills. Neither have I forgotten that you complained of having a wife 
cursed with incorruptible chastity. Oh ! that misfortune has found its remedy 
long ago, said Zapata, shaking his ears. By all the powers of womanhood, the 
jade has effectually reformed that virtue, and given me a warmer lining to my 
doublet. 

I was going to congratulate him on his wife's having shewn so much sense, 
when he was obliged to leave me and go on the stage. Being curious, to know 
what sort of an animal his wife was, I went up to an actor and desired him to 
.point her out. He did so, saying at the same time : There she is, it is Nar- 
cissa ; the prettiest of all our women except your sister. I concluded that this 
must be the actress in whose favour the Marquis de Marialva had declared be- 
fore meeting with his Estella ; and my conjecture was but too correct. After 
the play I attended Laura home, where I saw several cooks preparing a hand- 
some entertainment. You may sup here, said she. I will do no such thing, 
answered I ; the marquis perhaps will like to be alone with you. Not at all, re- 
plied she ; he is coming with two of his own friends and one of our gentlemen ; 
you will just make the sixth. You know that in our free and easy way there 



AN EXTRA ORDINAR Y COMPANION A T SUPPER. 25 1 

is no impropriety in secretaries sitting down at table with their masters. Very- 
true, said I : but it is rather too soon to assume the privilege of a favourite. I 
must first get employed in some confidential commission, and then lay in my 
claim to that honourable distinction. Judging it to be so best, I went out of 
Laura's house, and got back to my inn, whither I reckoned on repairing every 
day, since my master had no regular establishment. 

Ch. IX. — A11 extraordinary companion at supper ; and an account of their 
conversation. 

I remarked in the coffee-room a sort of an old monk, habited in coarse grey 
cloth, at supper quite alone in a corner. I went and sat opposite to him out of 
curiosity ; we exchanged a civil bow, and he shewed himself to be quite as well 
bred as I was, notwithstanding my lay education. My commons were brought 
me, and I fell to with a very catholic appetite. While I was eating, my tongue 
was mute, but my eyes glanced by snatches towards this singular character, and 
always caught his at the same employment. Liking better to stare than be 
stared at, I addressed my speech to him thus : Pray, father, have we ever by 
any chance met anywhere but here ? You peer at me as if you scarcely knew 
whether I was an acquaintance or a stranger. He answered gravely : If I look 
at you with fixed attention, it is only to admire the prodigious variety of adven- 
tures which are chronicled in the features of your face. It should seem, said I 
in a joking tone, as if your reverence was something of a physiognomist. Far 
more deeply imbued in science than a mere physiognomist, answered the monk, 
I found prophecies on my observations which have never been belied by the 
event. My skill in palmistry is no less, and I will set my oracles against the 
surest of antiquity, after comparing the inspection of the hand with that of the 
face. 

Though this old man had all the appearance of profound wisdom, his talk 
was so like that of a madman, that I could not help laughing at him out-right. 
So far from being offended at my want of manners, he smiled at it, and went 
on to the following effect, after running his eye round the coffee-room, to be 
assured that there were no listeners : I am not surprised at finding you so pre- 
judiced against two sciences which pass at this time of day for mere frivolity ; 
the long and painful study they require disheartens the learned, who turn their 
backs upon them, and then swear that they are fables out of disgust at having 
missed their attainment. For my part, I am not to be frightened by the dark- 
ness which envelopes them, any more than by the difficulties which are per- 
petual stumbling-blocks in the pursuit of chemical discoveries, and in the mar- 
vellous art of transmuting baser metals into gold. 

But I do flatter myself, pursued he, looking steadfastly at me, that I am 
addressing a young gentleman of good sense, to whom my systems will not 
appear altogether in the light of idle dreams. A sample of my skill will dis- 
pose you better than the most subtle arguments to pass a favourable judgment 
on my pretensions. After talking in this manner he drew from his pocket a 
phial full of a lively-looking red liquor, on which he expatiated thus : Here 
is an elixir which I have distilled this morning from the juices of certain plants; 
for I have employed almost my whole life, like Democritus, in finding out the 
properties of simples and minerals. You shall make trial of its virtue. The 
wine we are drinking with our supper is very bad ; henceforth it will become 
excellent. At the same time he put two drops of his elixir into my bottle, 
which made my wine more delicious than the choicest vintages of Spain. 

The marvellous strikes the imagination ; and when once that faculty is en- 
listed, judgment is turned adrift. Delighted with so glorious a secret, and per- 



252 GIL BLAS. 



suaded that he must have out-deviled the devil before he could have got at it, I 
cried out in a paroxysm of admiration : O reverend father ! prythee forgive your 
servant if he took you at first for an old blockhead. I now abjure my error. 
There is no need to look further to be assured that it depends only on your own 
will to turn an iron bar into a wedge of gold in the twinkling of an eye. How 
happy should I be were I master of that admirable science ! Heaven preserve 
you from ever acquiring it, interrupted the old man with a deep sigh. You 
know not, my son, what a fatal possession you covet. Instead of envying, 
rather pity me, for having taken such infinite pains to be made unhappy. 1 
am always disturbed in mind. I fear a discovery; and then perpetual im- 
prisonment would be the reward of all my labours. In this apprehension, I lead 
a vagabond life, sometimes disguised as a priest or monk, sometimes as a gentle- 
man or a peasant. Where is the benefit of knowing how to manufacture gold 
on such terms ? Are not the goods of this world downright misery to those 
who cannot enjoy them in tranquillity? 

What you say appears to me veiy sensible, said I to the philosopher. There 
is nothing like living at one's ease. You have rid me of all hankering after the 
philosopher's .stone. I will rest satisfied with learning from you my future 
destiny. With all my heart, my good lad, answered he. I have already made 
my remarks upon your features ; now let me see your hand. I gave it him with 
a confidence which will do my penetration but little credit in the esteem of some 
readers. He examined it very attentively, and then pronounced, as in a rapture 
of inspiration : Ah ! what transitions from pain to pleasure, and from pleasure 
to pain ! What a whimsical alternation of good and evil chances ! But you 
have already experienced the largest share of your allotted reverses. You have 
but few more tides of misfortune to stem, and then a great lord will contrive for 
you an eligible fate, which shall not be subject to change. 

After having assured me that I might depend on his prediction, he bade me 
farewell and went out of the inn, leaving me in deep meditation on the things I 
had just heard. There could be no doubt of the Marquis de Marialva being 
the great lord in question ; and consequently nothing appeared more within the 
verge of possibility than the accomplishment of the oracle. But though there 
had not been the slightest likelihood, that would have been no hindrance to 
giving the impostor monk unbounded credit, since his elixir had transmuted my 
sour incredulity into the most tractable digestion of his falsehoods. That 
nothing might be wanting on my side to play into the hands of my foreboded 
luck, I determined to attach myself more closely to the marquis than I had ever 
done to any of my masters. Having taken this resolution, I went home in un- 
usually high spirits ; never did foolish woman descend in better humour from the 
garret of another foolish woman who had told her fortune. 

Ch. X. — 77/<? Marquis de Marialva givts a commission to Gil Bias. That 
faithful secretary acquits himself of it as shall be related. 

The marquis was not yet returned from his theatrical party, and I found his 
upper servants playing at cards in his apartment while they were waiting for his 
arrival. I got to be sociable with them ; and we amused ourselves with jocular 
conversation till two o'clock in the morning, when our master arrived. He was 
a little surprised at seeing me, and said with an air of kindness which made me 
conclude that he came home very well satisfied with his evening : How is this, 
Gil Bias ? Are you not gone to bed yet ? I answered that I wished to know 
first whether he had any commands for me. Probably, replied he, I may have 
a commission to give you to-morrow morning ; but it will be time enough then 
to acquaint you with my wishes. Go to your own room ; and henceforward re- 



GIL BLAS' REFLECTIONS UPON HIS CONDUCT. 253 

member that I dispense with your attendance at bed-time ; my other servants 
are sufficient for that occasion. 

After this hint, which was much to my satisfaction in the main, since it spared 
me a slavery which I should have felt very unpleasantly at times, I left the 
marquis in his apartment, and withdrew to my garret. I went to bed. Not 
being able to sleep, it seemed good to follow the counsel of Pythagoras, and to 
examine all the actions of the day by the test of reason ; to reprimand severely 
what had been done amiss, and if anything had been done well, to rejoice in it. 

On looking into the day-book of my conscience, the balance was not suf- 
ficiently in my favour to keep me in good humour with myself. I felt remorse 
at having lent myself to Laura's imposition. It was in vain to urge, in self- 
defence, that I could not, with any decency, give the lie to a girl who had no 
object in view but to do me a pleasure, and that I was in some sort under the ne- 
cessity of becoming an accomplice in the fraud. This was a paltry excuse in 
the darkness of the night, for I pleaded against myself that at all events the 
matter should be pushed no further, and that it was the summit of impudence to 
remain upon the establishment of a nobleman whose confidence I so ill repaid. 
In short, after a severe trial, it was agreed in my own breast, that I was very 
little short of an arrant knave. 

But to have done with the morality of the act, and pass on to the probable 
issue, it was evidently playing a desperate game, to cozen a man of consequence 
who might be enabled, as an instrument for the visitation of my sins perhaps, to 
detect the imposture in its very infancy. A reflection at once so prudent and 
so virtuous acted as a refrigerator on my spirits ; but visions of pleasure and of 
interest soon raised them again above the freezing point. Besides, the prophecy 
of the man with the elixir would have been enough to put me in heart once 
more. I therefore gave myself up to the indulgence of the most agreeable 
fancies. All the rules of arithmetic from simple addition to compound in- 
terest were set in array, to cast up what sum my salary would amount to at 
the end of ten years' service. Then there was a large allowance for presents 
and gratuities from my master, whose liberal disposition according admirably 
with my liberal desires, my imagination grew quite fantastical, and extended the 
landmarks of my fortune over innumerable acres of unsubstantial territory. 
Sleep overtook me in the calculation, and raised a magnificent aerial mansion 
on the estate where a new race of grandees was to originate. 

I got up the next morning about eight o'clock to go and receive my patron's 
orders ; but as I was opening my door to go out, what was my surprise at 
meeting him in his wrapping-gown and night-cap. He was quite alone. Gil 
Bias, said he, on parting with your sister last night, I promised to pass this 
morning with her ; but an affair of consequence will not admit of my keeping 
my word. Go and assure her from me that I am deeply mortified at the dis- 
appointment, but that I shall certainly sup with her to-night. That is not all, 
added he, putting a purse into my hands and a little shagreen case set round 
with diamonds; carry her my portrait, and keep this purse of fifty pistoles, 
which I give you as a mark of my early-conceived friendship. I took the pic- 
ture in one hand, and in the other the purse to which I was so little entitled. 
I put my best leg foremost in my way to Laura, muttering to myself in the 
transports of excessive joy : Good ! the prophecy is accomplished in the twink- 
ling of an eye. What a windfall to be the brother of a girl so full of beauty 
and attraction ! It is a pity the credit attached to the relationship is not com- 
mensurate with the lucre and the comfort. 

Laura, unlike most women in her profession, had a habit of early rising. I 
caught her at her toilette, where, while waiting for her illustrious foreigner, she 
was engrafting on her natural beauty all the adventitious charms which the 



254 GIL BLAS. 



cosmetic art could supply. Lovely Estella, said I, on accosting her, thou 
absolute loadstone of the tramontanes, I may now sit down at table with my 
master, since he has honoured me with a commission which gives me that pre- 
rogative, and which I am just come to fulfil. He cannot have the pleasure of 
waiting on you this morning, as he had purposed ; but to make you amends for 
the disappointment, he will sup here this evening, and sends you his picture ; 
which to all appearance is enclosed in something more valuable than itself. 

I put the box into her hand at once ; and the lively sparkling of the brilliants 
which encompassed it made her eyes sparkle and her mouth water. She 
opened it out of mere curiosity, looked carelessly at the painting as people per- 
form a duty for which they have little relish, then shut it, and once more fell 
greedily on the jewellery. Their beauty made her eloquent ; and she said to 
me with the smile of a satirist — -These are copies which those mercenary things 
called actresses value much more highly than originals. 

I next acquainted her that the generous Portuguese, when giving me charge 
of the portrait, recommended it to my care by a purse of fifty pistoles. I beg 
you will accept of my congratulations, said she ; this nobleman begins where it 
is even uncommon for others to leave off. It is to you, my divine creature, 
answered I, that this present is owing ; the marquis only made it on the score 
of natural affection. I could be well pleased, replied she, that he were to 
make you a score such presents every day. I cannot express in what extrava- 
gance you are dear to me. From the first moment of our meeting, I became 
attached to you by so strong a tie, as time has not been able to dissolve. When 
I lost you at Madrid, I did not despair of finding you again ; and yesterday, on 
your sudden appearance, I received you like a deodand. In a word, my friend, 
heaven has created us for one another. You shall be my husband, but we 
must get plenty of money in the first instance. I shall just lend myself out to 
three or four silly fellows more, and then you may live like a gentleman on 
your means. 

I thanked her in the most appropriate terms for such an instance of extreme 
condescension on my behalf, and we got insensibly into a conversation which 
lasted till noon. At that hour I withdrew, to go and give my master an 
account of the manner in which his present was received. Though Laura had 
given me no instructions thereupon, I was not remiss in composing a fine com- 
pliment on my way, with which I meant to launch out on her pan ; but it was 
just so much flash in the pan. For, when I got home the marquis was gone 
out ; and the fates had decreed that I should never see him more, for reasons 
which will be methodically stated in the succeeding chapter. 

Ch. XL— A thunderbolt to Gil Bias. 

I repaired to my inn, where meeting with two men of companionable talents, 
I dined and sat at table with them till the play began. We parted ; they as 
their business and desire pointed them ; and, for my own part, my bent was 
towards the theatre. It may be proper to observe by the way, that I had all 
possible reason to be in a good humour. The conversation with my chance 
companions had been joyous in the extreme; the colour of my fortune was gay 
and animating ; yet for all that I could not help giving way to melancholy, 
without either knowing why, or being able to reason myself out of it. It was 
doubtless a prophetic warning of the misfortune which threatened me. 

As I entered the green-room, Melchior Zapata came up, and told me in a low 
voice to follow him. He led me to an unfrequented part of the house, and 
opened his business thus — Worthy sir, I make it a point of conscience to give 
you a very serious warning. You are aware that the Marquis de Maria! va had 



A THUNDERBOLT TO GIL BLAS. 255 

at first taken a fancy to Narcissa, my wife ; he had even gone so far as to fix a 
day for trying the relish of my rib, when that cockatrice Estella contrived to 
flyblow the bill of fare, and transfer the banquet to her own untainted charms. 
Judge then, whether an actress can be gulled instead of gulling, and preserve 
the sweetness of her temper. My wife has taken it deeply to heart, and there 
is no species of revenge to which she would not have recourse. A fine oppor- 
tunity has offered. Yesterday, if you recollect, all our supernumeraries were 
crowding together to see you. The deputy candle-snuffer told some of the in- 
ferior comedians that he recollected you perfectly well, and that you might be 
anything but Estella's brother. 

This report, added Melchior, came to Narcissa's ears to-day : she lost no time 
in questioning the author; and that grub of the interior stood to the whole 
story. He says that he knew you as Arsenia's servant, when Estella waited on 
her at Madrid under the name of Laura. My wife, full of glee at this discovery, 
means to acquaint the Marquis de Marialva with it, when he comes to the play 
this evening; so take your measures accordingly. If you are not Estella's 
brother in good earnest, I would advise you as a friend, and on the score of 
old acquaintance, to make your escape while your skin is whole. Narcissa, 
satisfied in her tender mercy with only one victim, and that of he'r own sex, has 
allowed me to give you this notice, that you may outrun your ill luck. 

It would have been waste of words to press the subject farther. I returned 
thanks for the caution to this fretter of his hour, who saw by my terrified aspect 
that I was not the man to give the deputy candle-snuffer the lie. I did not feel 
the least temptation to carry my dangerous valour such a length. I had not even 
the heart to go and bid farewell to Laura, for fear she should insist on me 
keeping up the farce. I could easily conceive that so excellent an actress 
might get out of the scrape with flying colours ; but there seemed to be nothing 
for me short of a swinging castigation ; and I was not so far gone in love as to 
stand by my sweetheart at the risk of my own person. I thought of nothing 
but a precipitate retreat with my household gods, or rather goods, if such a 
trumpery collection of individual property might be called so. I disappeared 
from the playhouse in the twinkling of an eye ; and in less time than it would 
have taken to confess my sins, was my portmanteau carried off and safely 
lodged with a muleteer who was to set out for Toledo at three o'clock next morn- 
ing. I could have wished myself already with the Count de Polan, whose 
hospitable roof seemed my only safe asylum. But I was not there yet ; and it 
was impossible to think without dread of the time remaining to be passed in a 
town where I was afraid they would hunt me out without giving me a night's 
law. 

The smell of supper drew me to my inn notwithstanding ; though I was as 
uneasy as a debtor who knows that a writ is out against him. My stomach, I 
believe, was not sufficiently well knit that evening for my supper to play its 
part as it should do. The miserable sport of fear, I watched all the people who 
came into the coffee-room, and whenever by chance they carried a gallows in 
their physiognomy, which is no uncommon ensign in such places of resort, I 
shuddered with horrid forebodings. After having supped the supper of the 
damned, I got up from table and returned to my carrier's house, where I threw 
myself on some clean straw till it was time to set out. 

My patience was well tried during that interval ; for a thousand unpleasant 
thoughts attacked me in all directions. If I dozed now and then, the em-aged 
marquis stood before me, pounding Laura's fair face to a jelly with his fist, 
and turning her whole house out at window ; or to come nearer home, I heard 
him giving directions for my death under the operation of a cudgel. At such a 
vision I started out of my sleep, and waking, which is usually so pleasant after a 



256 GIL BLAS. 



frightful dream, inspired me with more horror than even the fictions of my en- 
tranced fancy. 

Happily the muleteer delivered me from so dire a purgatory, by coming to 
acquaint me that his mules were ready. I was immediately on my legs, and 
set out radically cured, for which heaven has my best thanks, of Laura and the 
occult sciences. As we got farther from Grenada, my mind recovered its tone. 
I began chatting with the muleteer, laughed at his droll stories, and insensibly 
lost all my apprehensions. I slept undisturbed at Ubeda, where we lay the first 
night, and on the fourth day we got to Toledo. My first care was to inform 
myself of the Count de Polan's residence, whither I repaired under the full per- 
suasion that he would not suffer me to lodge elsewhere. But I reckoned with- 
out my host. There was no one at home but a person to take care of the 
house, who told me that his master was just gone to the castle of Leyva, having 
been sent for on account of Seraphina's dangerous illness. 

The count's absence was altogether unexpected : here was no longer any in- 
ducement to stay at Toledo, and all my plans were changed at once. Finding 
myself so near Madrid, I resolved to go thither. It came into my head that 
I might make my way at court, where talents of the first order, as I had heard, 
were not absolutely necessary to fill situations of the first consequence. On the 
very next morning I took advantage of back carriage, to be set down in the 
renowned capital of Spain. Fortune took me kindly by the hand, and intro- 
duced me to a higher cast of parts than those I had hitherto filled. 

Ch. XII. — Gil Bias takes lodgings in a ready -furnished house. He gets ac- 
quainted with Captain Chinchilla. That officer s character and business at 
Madrid. 

On my first arrival at Madrid, I fixed my head-quarters in a lodging-house, 
where resided, among other persons, an old captain, who was come from the 
distant part of New Castile, to solicit a pension at court, and he thought his 
claims but too well founded. His name was Don Annibal de Chinchilla. It 
was not without much staring that I saw him for the first time. He was a man 
about sixty, of gigantic stature, and of anatomical leanness. His whiskers were 
like brushwood, fencing off the two sides of his face as high as his temples. 
Besides that, he was short in his reckoning by an arm and a leg, there was a 
vacancy for an eye, which Polypheme would have supplied as he did, had 
patches of green silk been then in the fashion ; and his features were hacked 
sufficiently to illustrate a treatise of geometry. With these exceptions, his con- 
figuration was much like that of another man. As to his mental qualities, he 
was not altogether without understanding ; and what he wanted in quickness 
he made up by gravity. His principles were rigid in the extreme ; and it was 
his particular boast to be delicate on the point of honour. 

After two or three interviews, he distinguished me by his confidence. I soon 
got into all his personal history : he related on what occasions he had left an 
eye at Naples, an arm in Lombardy, and a leg in the Low Countries. The 
most admirable circumstance in all his narratives of battles and sieges, was, that 
not a single feature of the swaggerer peeped out ; not a word escaped him to 
his own honour and glory ; though one could readily have forgiven him for 
making some little display of the half which was still extant of himself, as a 
set-off against the dilapidations which had deducted so largely from the usual 
contexture of a man. Officers who return from their campaigns without a 
scratch upon their skin or a love-lock out of place, are not always so humble 
in their pretensions. 

But he told me that what gave him most uneasiness was, the having wasted 



CHARACTER OF CAPTAIN CHINCHILLA. 257 

a considerable portion of his private fortune on military objects, so that he had 
not more than a hundred ducats a year left ; a poor establishment for such a 
pair of whiskers, a gentleman's lodging, and an amanuensis to multiply memo- 
rials by wholesale. For in point of fact, my worthy friend, added he, shrug- 
ging his shoulders, I present one, with a blessing on my endeavours, every day, 
and the last meets with the same attention as the first. You would say that it 
was an even bet between the prime minister and me, which of us two shall be 
tired first ; the memorialist or the receiver of the memorials. I have often 
had the honour, too, of addressing the king on the same subject; but the rector 
and his curate say grace in the same key ; and in the mean time, my castle of 
Chinchilla is falling to ruin for want of necessary repairs. 

Faint heart never won fair lady, said I most wisely to the captain ; you are 
perhaps on the eve of finding all your marches and countermarches repaid with 
usury. I must not flatter myself with that pleasing expectation, answered Don 
Annibal. It is but three days since I spoke to one of the minister's secretaries ; 
and if I am to trust his representations, I have only to hold up my head and 
look big. What then did he say to you ? replied I. Had those poor dumb 
mouths your wounds no eloquence, to wring a hireling pittance for their profuse 
expense of blood ? You shall judge for yourself, resumed Chinchilla. This 
secretary told me in good plain terms : My honest friend, you need not boast 
so much of your zeal and your fidelity ; you have only done your duty in ex- 
posing yourself to danger for your country. Naked glory is the true and hon- 
ourable recompense of gallant actions, and as such is the prize at which a 
Spaniard aims. You therefore argue on false principles, if you consider the 
bounty you solicit as a debt. In case it should be granted, you will owe that 
favour exclusively to the royal goodness, which in its extreme condescension 
requites those of its subjects who have served the state valiantly. Thus you 
see, pursued the captain, that if I had a hundred lives they are all pledged, and 
that I am likely to go back as hungry as I came. 

A brave man in distress is the most touching object in this world. I ex- 
horted him to stick close, and offered to write his memorials out fair for nothing. 
I even went so far as to open my purse to him, and to beg it as a favour that he 
would draw upon me for whatever he wanted. But he was not one of those 
folks who never wait to be asked twice on such occasions. So much the re- 
verse, that with a commendable delicacy on the subject, he thanked me for my 
kindness, but refused it peremptorily. He afterwards told me that, for fear of 
spunging upon any one, he had accustomed himself, by little and little, to 
live with such sobriety, that the smallest quantity of food was sufficient for his 
subsistence ; which was but too true. His daily fare was confined to vegetables, 
by dint whereof his component parts were confined to skin and bone. That 
he might have no witnesses how ill he dined, he usually shut himself up in his 
chamber at that meal. I prevailed so far with him, however, by repeated en- 
treaties, as to obtain that we should dine and sup together : then, undermining 
his pride by little indirect artifices of compassion, I ordered more provision and 
wine than I could consume to my own share. I pressed him to eat and drink. 
At first he made difficulties about it ; but in the end there was no resisting my 
hospitality. After a time, his modesty becoming fainter as his diet was more 
flush, he helped me off with my dinner and lightened my bottle almost without 
asking. 

One day, after four or five glasses, when his stomach had renewed its inti- 
macy with a more generous system of feeding, he said to me with an air of 
gaiety : Upon my word, Signor Gil Bias, you have very winning ways with 
you; you make me do just whatever you please. There is something so hearty in 
your welcome as to relieve me from all fear of trespassing on your generous 



25 8 GIL BLAS. 



temper. My captain seemed at that moment so entirely to have got rid of his 
bashfulness, that if I had been in the humour to have seized the lucky moment, 
and to have pressed my purse once more on his acceptance, I am much mistaken 
if he would have refused it. I did not put him to the trial ; but rested satisfied 
with having made him my messmate, and taken the trouble not only to copy 
out his memorials, but to assist him in their composition. By dint of having 
written homilies out fair, I had learnt the knack of phraseology, and was 
become a sort of author. The old officer on his side had some little vanity 
about writing well. Both of us thus contending for the prize, the bursts of 
eloquence would have done honour to the most celebrated professors of Sala- 
manca. But it was in vain that we sat on opposite sides of the table, and 
drained our genius to the very dregs, to nourish the flowers of rhetoric in these 
memorials ; you might as well have planted an orange-grove on the sea -beach. 
In whatever new light we placed Don Annibal's services, it was all the same at 
court, the connoisseurs were decided about their merit ; so that the battered 
veteran had no reason to sing the praises of that spirit which leads officers on 
to spend their family estates in the service. In the virulence of his spleen he 
cursed the planet under which he was born, and sent Naples, Lombardy, and 
the Low Countries to the devil. 

1 That his mortification might be pressed down and running over, it happened 
to his face one day that a poet, introduced by the Duke of Alva, having recited 
a sonnet before the king on the birth of an infanta, was gratified with a pension 
of five hundred ducats. I believe the lop-limbed captain would have gone 
raving mad at it, if I had not taken some pains to recompense his spirit. 
What is the matter with you? said I, seeing him quite beside himself. There 
is nothing in all this which ought to go so terribly against the grain. Ever since 
Mount Parnassus swelled above the subject plain, have not poets pleaded the 
privilege of laying princes under contribution to their muse ? There is not a 
crowned head in Christendom that has not substituted a pensioned laureate for 
the household fool of less refined times. And between ourselves, this species 
of patronage, for the most part galloping down full drive to posterity on the 
sadcfle of Pegasus, raises a hue and cry in honour of royal munificence ; but 
bounty to persons who are lost in a crowd, however deserving, adds nothing to 
the bulk or stature of posthumous renown. Augustus must have drained his 
treasury by gratuities, and yet how few of the names on his pension-list have 
come down to us ! But distant ages shall be informed, as we are, in all the 
hyperbole of poetic diction, that his benefits descended on Virgil like the rain 
from heaven, whose drops arithmetic has no combinations to count, no princi- 
ples by which to reason on their number. 

But let me talk ever so classically to Don Annibal, there was a confounded 
acidity in that sonnet which curdled all the milky ingredients of his moral com- 
position ; it was impossible to chew, swallow, and digest such food with human 
organs ; and he was fully determined to give the matter up at once. It seemed 
right, nevertheless, by way of playing for his last stake, to present one more 
memorial to the Duke of Lerma, and if that failed there was an end of the game. 
For this purpose we went together to the prime minister's. There we met a 
young man who, after saluting the captain, said to him in a tone of affection : 
My old and dear master, is it your own self that I see ? What business brings 
you to this mart of favour ? If you have occasion for any one to speak a good 
word for you, do not spare my lungs ; they are entirely at your service. How 
is this, Pedrillo ? answered the officer ; to hear you talk it should seem as if you 
held some important post in this house. At least, replied the young man, I 
have influence enough here to put an honest rustic like you into the right train. 
That being the case, resumed the captain with a smile, I place myself under 



DON ANNIBAL MEETS WITH PEDRILLO. 259 

your protection. I accept the pledge, rejoined Pedrillo. You have only to ac- 
quaint me with your particular taste, and I engage to give you a savoury slice 
out of the ministerial pasty. 

We had no sooner opened our minds to this young fellow, so full of kind as- 
surances, than he inquired where Don Annibal resided ; then, promising that 
we should hear from him on the following day, he vanished without informing 
us what he meant to do, or even telling us whether he belonged to the Duke of 
Lerma's household. I was curious to know what this Pedrillo was, whose turn 
of mind appeared to be so brisk and active. He is a brave lad, said the captain, 
who waited on me some years ago, but finding me out at elbows, went away in 
search of a better service. There was no offence to me in all that ; it is very, 
natural to change when one cannot be worse off. The creature is pleasant 
enough, not deficient in parts, and happy in a spirit of intrigue which would 
wheedle with the devil. But notwithstanding all his fine pretence, I am not 
sanguine in my reckoning on the zeal he has just testified for me. Perhaps, 
said I, there may be some plausibility in his designs. Should he be a retainer, 
for example, to any of the duke's principal officers, it will be in his power to 
serve you. You have lived too long in the world not to know that in great 
houses everything is done by party and cabal ; that the masters are governed by 
two or three upper servants about their persons, who, in their turn, are governed 
by that multitude of menials attendant upon them. 

On the next morning we saw Pedrillo at our breakfast table. Gentlemen, 
said he, if I did not explain myself yesterday as to my means of serving Captain 
Chinchilla, it was because we were not in a place where such a communication 
could be made with safety. Besides, I was disposed to ascertain whether the 
thing was feasible, before you were made parties in it. Understand, then, that 
I am the confidential servant of Signor Don Rodrigo de Calderona, the Duke 
of Lerma's first secretary. My master, who is much addicted to women, goes 
almost every evening to sup with a little Arragonian nightingale, whom he keeps 
in a cage near the purlieus of the court. She is quite a young girl from Al- 
barazin, a most lovely creature. She has some wit as well as beauty, and sings 
enchantingly ; they call her the Spanish Syren. I am the bearer of some ten- 
der inquiries every morning, and am just come from her. I have proposed to 
her to pass off Signor Don Annibal for her uncle, and the object of the forgery 
is to engage her lover in his interests. She is very willing to lend her aid in 
the business. Besides some little commission to which she looks forward on 
the profits, it will tickle her vanity to be taken for the niece of a military man. 

Signor de Chinchilla looked very grim at this suggestion. He declared his 
extreme abhorrence of becoming a party concerned in a mere swindling trick, 
and still more of adopting a female adventurer, no better than she should be, 
into his family, and thus casting a stain upon its immaculate purity. It was not 
only for himself that he felt all this soreness ; there was a recoil of ignominy 
on his ancestors, which would lay their honours level with the dust. This 
morbid delicacy seemed out of season to Pedrillo, who could not help express- 
ing his contempt of it thus. You must surely be out of your wits to take the 
matter up on that footing. A fine market you bring your morals to, you dic- 
tators from the plough, with your ridiculous squeamishness ! Now you seem 
a good sensible man, appealing to me as he spoke these last words. Can you 
believe your ears when you hear such scruples advanced ? Heaven defend us ! 
At court, of all the places in the world, to look at morals through a microscope ! 
Let fortune come under what haggard form she may, they hug her in their arms, 
and swear she is a beauty. 

My way of thinking was precisely with Pedrillo ; and we dinned it so stoutly 
into both the captain's ears, as to make him the Spanish Syren's uncle against 



2 6o GIL BLAS. 



nature and inclination. When we had so far prevailed over his pride, we all 
three set about drawing up a new memorial for the minister, which was revised, 
with a copious interlacing of additions and corrections. I then wrote it out 
fair, and Pedrillo carried it to the Arragonian chauntress, who that very even- 
ing put it into the hands of Signor Don Rodrigo, telling her story so artlessly 
that the secretary, really supposing her the captain's niece, promised to 
take up his case. A few days afterwards we reaped the fruits of our little pro- 
ject. Pedrillo came back to our house with the lofty air of a benefactor. Good 
news, said he to Chinchilla. The king is going to make a new grant of officers, 
places, and pensions ; nor will your name be forgotten in the list. But I am 
specially commissioned to inquire what present you purpose making to the 
Spanish Syren, for the piper must be paid. As to myself, I vow and protest 
that I will not take a farthing ; the pleasure of having contributed to patch up 
my old master's broken fortunes, is more to me than all the ingots of the Indies. 
But it is not precisely so with our nymph of Albarazin : she has a little Jewish 
blood to plead, when the Christian precept of loving your neighbour as herself 
is preached up to her. She would pick her own natural father's pocket ; so 
judge you whether she would be above making a bargain with a travelling uncle. 

She has only to name her own terms, answered Don Annibal. Whatever 
my pension may be, she shall have the third of it annually if she pleases ; I will 
pledge my word for it ; and that proportion ought to satisfy her craving, if his 
Catholic Majesty had settled his whole exchequer on me. I would as soon take 
your word as your bond, for my own part, replied the nimble-footed messenger 
of Don Rodrigo ; I know that it will stand the assay ; but you have to deal 
with a little creature who knows herself, and naturally supposes that she knows 
all the rest of the world by the same token. Besides, she would like better to 
take it in the lump ; two-thirds to be paid down now in ready money. Why, 
how the devil does she mean that I should get the wherewithal ? bawled the cap- 
tain in a quandary. Does she take me for an auditor of public accounts, or trea- 
surer to a charity ? You cannot have made her acquainted with my circumstances. 
Yes, but I have, replied Pedrillo ; she knows very well that you are poorer than 
Job ; after what she has heard from me she could think no otherwise. But do 
not make yourself uneasy, my brain is never at a loss for an expedient. I know 
an old scoundrel of an usurer, who will take ten per cent, if he can get no 
more. You must assign your first year's pension to him, in acknowledgment 
for a like valuable consideration from him, which you will in point of fact re- 
ceive, only deducting the above-mentioned interest. As to security, the lender 
will take your castle at Chinchilla, for want of better ; there will be no dispute 
about that. 

The captain declared his readiness to accept the terms, in case of his being 
so fortunate as to possess any beneficial interest in the good things to be given 
away the next morning. It happened accordingly. He got a government with 
a pension of three hundred pistoles. As soon as the news came, he signed and 
sealed as required, settled his little concerns in town, and went off again for 
New Castile with a balance of some few pistoles in his favour. 

Ch. XIII. — Gil Bias comes across his dear friend Fabricio at cozirt. Great 
ecstacy on both sides. They adjourn together, and compare notes ; but their 
conversation is too curious to be anticipated. 

I had contracted a habit of going to the royal palace every morning, where I 
lounged away two or three good hours in seeing the good people pass to and 
fro ; but their aspect was less imposing there than in other places, as the lesser 
stars turn pale in the presence of the sun. 



GIL BLAS MEETS WITH FABRICIO. 261 

One day as I was walking back and fore, and strutting about the apartments, 
making about as wise a figure there as my neighbours, I spied out Fabricio, 
whom I had left at Valladolid in the service of a hospital director. It surprised 
me not a little that he was chatting familiarly with the Duke of Medina Sidonia 
and the Marquis of Santa Cruz. Those two noblemen, if my senses did not 
deceive me, were listening with admiration to his prattle. To crown the whole, 
he was as handsomely dressed as a grandee. 

Surely I must be mistaken ! thought I. Can this possibly be the son of 
Nunez the barber ? More likely it is some young courtier who bears a strong 
resemblance to him. But my suspense was of no long duration. The party 
broke up, and I accosted Fabricio. He knew me at once ; took me by the 
hand, and after pressing through the crowd to get out of the precincts, said with 
a hearty greeting, My dear Gil Bias, I am delighted to see you again. What 
are you doing at Madrid ? Are you still at service ? Some place about the 
court perhaps ? How do matters stand with you ? Let me into the history of 
all that has happened to you since your precipitate flight from Valladolid. You 
ask a great many questions in a breath, replied I ; and we are not in a fit place 
for story-telling. You are in the right, answered he ; we shall be better at 
home. Come, I will shew you the way ; it is not far hence. I am quite my 
own master, with all my comforts about me ; perfectly easy as to the main 
chance, with a light heart and a happy temper ; because I am determined to 
see everything on the bright side. 

I accepted the proposal, and Fabricio escorted me. We stopped at a house 
of magnificent appearance, where he told me that he lived. There was a court 
to cross ; on one side it had a grand staircase leading to a suite of state apart- 
ments, and on the other a small flight, dark and narrow, whither we betook 
ourselves to a residence elevated in a different sense from what he had boasted. 
It consisted of a single room, which my contriving friend had divided into four 
by deal partitions. The first served as an ante-chamber to the second, where 
he lay : of the third he made his closet, of the last his kitchen. The chamber 
and antechamber were papered with maps, and many a sheet of philosophical 
discussion ; nor was the furniture by any means unsuitable to the hangings. 
There was a large brocade bed much the worse for wear ; tawdry old chairs 
with coarse yellow coverings, fringed with Grenada silk of the same colour, a 
table with gilt feet, and a cloth over it that once aspired to be red, bordered 
with tinsel and embroidery tarnished by that old corroder, time ; with an ebony 
cabinet, ornamented with figures in a clumsy taste of sculpture. Instead of a 
convenient desk, he had a small table in his closet ; and his library was made 
up with some few books, and a great many bundles of paper arranged on shelves 
one above the other the whole length of the wall. His kitchen, too modest to 
put the rest of the establishment out of countenance, exhibited a frugal assort- 
ment of earthenware and other necessary implements of cookery. 

Fabricio, when he had allowed me leisure to philosophize on his domestic ar- 
rangements, begged to know my opinion of his apartments and his housekeep- 
ing, and whether I was not enchanted with them : Yes, beyond all manner of 
doubt, answered I with a roguish smile. You must have applied your wits to 
a good purpose at Madrid, to have got so well accoutred. Of course you have 
some post. Heaven preserve me from anything of the sort ! replied he. My 
line of life is far above all political situations. A man of rank, to whom this 
house belongs, has given me a room in it, whence I have contrived to piece out 
a suite of four, fitted up in such taste as you may see. I devote my time to no 
employments but what are just to my fancy, and never feel what it is to want. 
Explain yourself more intelligibly, said I, interrupting him. You set me all 
agog to be let into your little arrangements. Well, then ! said he, I will rid you 



262 GIL BLAS. 



of that devil curiosity at once. I have commenced author, have plunged head- 
long into the ocean of literature ; verse and prose run equally glib ; in short I 
am a jack of all trades to the muses. 

What ! you bound in solemn league and covenant to Apollo ? exclaimed I 
with most intolerable laughter. Nothing under a prophet could ever have an- 
ticipated this. I should have been less surprised at any other transformation. 
What possible delights have you had the ingenuity to detect in the rugged land- 
scape of Parnassus ? It should seem as if the labourers there have a very poor 
taking in civil life, and feed on a coarse diet without sauce. Out upon you ! 
cried he, in dudgeon at the hint. You are talking of those paltry authors, 
whose works and even their persons are under the thumb of booksellei-s and 
players. Is it any wonder that writers under such circumstances should be held 
cheap ? But the good ones, my friend, are on a better footing in the world ; and 
I think it may be affirmed, vanity apart, that my name is to be found in their 
list. Questionless, said I, talents like yours are convertible to every purpose ; 
compositions from such a pen are not likely to be insipid. But I am on the rack 
to know how this rage for fencing with inky weapons could have seized thee. 

Your wonder and alarm has mind in it, replied Nunez. I was so well pleased 
with my situation in the service of Signor Manuel Ordonnez, that I bad no 
hankering after any other. But my genius, like that of Plautus, being too high- 
minded to contract itself within the sphere of menial occupations, I wrote a play 
and got it acted by a company then performing at Valladolid. Though it was 
not worth the paper it was scrawled upon, it had more success than many bet- 
ter pieces. Hence concluded I that the public was a silly bird, and would hatch 
any eggs that were put under it. That modest discovery, with the consequent 
madness of incessant composition, alienated my affections from the hospital. 
The love of poetry being stronger than the desire of accumulation, I determined 
on repairing to Madrid, as the centre of everything distinguished, to form my 
taste in that school. The first thing was to give the governor warning, who 
parted with me to his own great sorrow, from a sort of affection the result of 
similar propensities. Fabricio, said he, what possible ground can you have for 
discontent ? None at all, sir, I replied ; you are the best of all possible masters, 
and I am deeply impressed with your kind treatment ; but you know one must 
follow whithersoever the stars ordain. I feel the sacred fire within me, on whose 
aspiring element my name is to be wafted to posterity. What confounded non- 
sense ! rejoined the old fellow, whose ideas were all pecuniary. You are al- 
ready become a fixture in the hospital, and are made of a metal which may 
easily be manufactured into a steward, or by good-luck even into- a governor. 
You are going to give up the great object of" life, and to flutter about its frip- 
pery. So much the worse for you, honest friend ! 

The governor, seeing how fruitless it was to struggle with my fixed resolve, 
paid me my wages, and made me a present of fifty ducats as an acknowledgment 
of my services. Thus, between this supply and what I have been able to scrape 
together out of some little commissions, which were assigned to me from an 
opinion of my disinterestedness, I was in circumstances to make a very pretty 
appearance on my arrival at Madrid ; which I was not negligent in doing, 
though the literary tribe in our country are not over-punctilious about decency 
or cleanliness. I soon got acquainted with Lope de Vega, Cervantes, and the 
whole set of them ; but though they were fine fellows, and thought so by the 
public, I chose for my model in preference, Don Lewis de Gongora, the in- 
comparable, a young bachelor of Cordova, decidedly the first genius that ever 
Spain produced. He will not suffer his works to be printed during his life- 

time ; but confines himself to a private communication among his friends. 
What is very remarkable, nature has gifted him with the uncommon talent of 



GIL BIAS DINES WITH FABRICIO. 263 

succeeding in every department of poetry. His principal excellence is in satire ; 
there he outshines himself. He does not resemble, like Lucilius, a muddy 
stream with a slimy bottom ; but is rather like the Tagus, rolling its transparent 
waters over a golden sand. 

You give a fine description of this bachelor, said I to F.abricio ; and ques- 
tionless a character of such merit must have attracted an infinite deal of envy. 
The whole gang of authors, answered he, good and bad equally, are open- 
mouthed against him. He deals in bombast, says one ; aims at double mean- 
ings, luxuriates in metaphor, and affects transposition. His verses, says another, 
have all the obscurity of those which the Salian priests used to chaunt in their 
processions, and which nobody was the wiser for hearing. There are others 
who impute it to him as a fault, to have exercised his genius at one time in son- 
nets or ballads, at another in play- writing, in heroic stanzas, and in minor efforts 
of wit alternately, as if he had madly taken upon himself to eclipse the best 
writers each in their own favourite walk. But all these thrusts of jealousy are 
successfully parried, where the muse, which is their mark, becomes the idol of 
the great and of the multitude at once. 

Under so able a master did I serve my apprenticeship ; and, vanity apart, the 
preceptor was reflected in the disciple. So happily did I catch his spirit, that 
by this time he would not be ashamed to own some of my detached pieces. 
After his example, I carry my goods to market at great houses where the bid- 
ding is eager, and the sagacity of the bidders not difficult to match. It is true 
that I have a very insinuating talent at recitation ; which places my compositions 
in no disadvantageous light. In short, I am the dear delight of the nobility, 
and live in the most particular intimacy with the Duke of Medina Sidonia, just 
as Horace used to live with his jolly companion Mecenas. By such conjuration 
and mighty magic have I won the name of author. You see the method lies 
within a narrow compass. Now, Gil Bias, it is your turn to deliver a round 
unvarnished tale of your exploits. 

On this hint I spake ; and unlike most narrators, gave all the important par- 
ticulars, passing lightly over minute and tiresome circumstances. The action 
of talking, long continued, puts one in mind of dining. His ebony cabinet, 
which served for larder, pantry, and all possible uses, was ransacked for napkins, 
bread, a shoulder of mutton far gone in a decline, with its last and best con- 
tents, a bottle of excellent wine ; so that we sat down to table in high spirits, 
as friends are wont to do after a long separation. You observe, said he, this 
free and independent manner of life. I might find a plate laid for me every 
day, if I chose it, in the very first houses ; but, besides that the muse often pays 
me a visit and detains me within doors, I have a little of Aristippus in my 
nature. I can pass with equal relish from the great and busy world to my re- 
treat, from all the researches of luxury to the simplicity of my own frugal board. 

The wine was so good, tliat we encroached upon a second bottle. As a relish 
to our fruit and cheese, I begged to be favoured with the sight of something, 
the offspring of his inspired moments. He immediately rummaged among his 
papers, and read me a sonnet with much energy of tone. Yet, with all the 
advantage of accent and expression, there was something so uncouth in the ar- 
rangement, as to baffle all conjecture about the meaning. He saw how it puz- 
zled me. This sonnet then, said he, is not quite level to your comprehension ! 
Is not that the fact ? I owned that I should have preferred a construction 
somewhat less forced. He began laughing at my rusticity. Well, then ! replied 
he ; we will say that this sonnet would confuse clearer heads than thine : 
it is all the better for that. Sonnets, odes, in short all compositions which par- 
take of the sublime, are of course the reverse of the simple and natural : they 
are enveloped in clouds, and their darkness constitutes their grandeur. Let the 



264 GIL BLAS. 



poet only fancy that he understands himself, no matter whether his readers un- 
derstand him or not. You are laughing at me, my friend, said I, interrupting 
him. Let poetry be of what species it may, good sense and intelligible diction 
are essential to its powers of pleasing. If your peerless Gongora is not a little 
more lucid than yourself, I protest that his merit will never pass current with 
me. Such poets may entrap their own age into applause, but will never live 
beyond it. Now let me have a taste of your prose. 

Nunez shewed me a preface which he meant to prefix to a dramatic miscel- 
lany then in the press. He insisted on having my opinion. I like not your 
prose one atom better than your verse, said I. Your sonnet is a roaring deluge 
of emptiness ; and as for your preface, it is disfigured by a phraseology stolen 
from languages yet in embryo, bywords not stamped in the mint of general use, 
by all the perplexity of a style that does not know what to make of itself. In a 
word, the composition is altogether a thing of your own. Our classical and 
standard books are written in a very different manner. Poor tasteless wretch ! 
exclaimed Fabricio. You are not aware that every prose writer who aspires to 
the reputation of sentiment and delicacy in these days, affects this style of his 
own, these perplexities and innovations which are a stumbling-block to you. 
There are five or six of us determined reformers of our language, who have 
undertaken to turn the Spanish idiom topsy-turvy; and with a blessing on our 
endeavours, we will pull it down and build it up again in defiance of Lope de 
Vega, Cervantes, and all the host of wits who cavil at our new modes of speech. 
Our party is strongly supported in the fashionable world, and we have laid 
violent hands upon the pulpit. 

After all, continued he, our project is commendable; for, to speak without 
prejudice, we have ten times the merit of those natural writers, who express 
themselves just like the mob. I cannot conceive why so many sensible men are 
taken with them. It is all very well at Athens and at Rome, in a wild and un- 
distinguishing democracy ; and on that principle only could Socrates tell Alci- 
biades, that the last appeal was to the people in all disputes about language. 
But at Madrid there is a polite and a vulgar usage ; so that our courtiers talk in 
a different tongue from their tradesmen. You may assure yourself that it is so; 
in fine, this newly invented style is carrying everything before it, and turning old 
nature out of doors. Now I will explain to you by a single instance the differ- 
ence between the elegance of our diction and the flatness of theirs. They would 
say, for example, in plain terms, "Ballets incidental to the piece are an orna- 
ment to a play;" but in our mode of expression, we say more exquisitely, 
"Ballets incidental to the piece are the very life and soul of the play." Now 
observe the phrase ; life and soul. Are you sensible how glowing it is, at the" 
same time how descriptive, setting before you all the motions of the dancers, as 
on an intellectual stage ? 

I broke in upon my reformer of language with a burst of laughter. Get 
along with you, Fabricio, said I, you are a coxcomb of your own manufacture, 
with your affected finery of phrase. And you, answered he, are a blockhead of 
nature's clumsy moulding, with your starch simplicity, He then went on taunt- 
ing me with the archbishop of Grenada r s angry banter on my dismission. " Get 
about your business ! Go and tell my treasurer to pay you a hundred ducats, 
and take my blessing in addition to that sum. God speed you, good master 
Gil Bias ! I heartily pray that you may do well in the world ! There is no- 
thing to stand in your way, but a little better taste." I roared out in a still 
louder explosion of laughter at this lucky hit ; and Fabricio, easily appeased 
on the score of impiety, as manifested in the opinion expressed concerning his 
writings, lost nothing of his pleasant and propitious temper. We got to the 
bottom of our second bottle ; and then rose from the table in fine order for an 



GIL BLAS AND FABRIC 10 IN A LIQUOR SHOP. 265 

adventure. Our first intention was to see what was to be seen upon the Prado; 
but passing in front of a liquor-shop, it came into our heads that we might as 
well go in. 

The company was in general tolerably select at this house of call. There 
were two distinct apartments ; and the pastime in each was of a very opposite 
nature. One was devoted to games of chance or skill ; the other to literary 
and scientific discussion : and there were at that moment two clever men by 
profession handling an argument most pertinaciously, before ten or twelve 
auditors deeply interested in the discussion. There was no occasion to join the 
circle, because the metaphysical thunder of their logic made itself heard at a 
more respectful distance : the heat and passion with which this abstract contro- 
versy was managed made the two philosophers look little better than madmen. 
A certain Eleazar used to cast out devils, by tying a ring to the nose of the 
possessed ; had these learned swine been ringed in the same manner, how many 
little imps would have taken wing out of their nostrils ? Angels and ministers 
of grace defend us, said I to my companion : what contortions of gesture, what 
extravagance of elocution ! One might as well argue with the town crier. How 
little do we know our natural calling in society ! Very true indeed, answered 
he : you have read of Novius, the Roman pawnbroker, whose lungs went as 
far beyond the rattle of chariot-wheels, as his conscience beyond the rate of 
legal interest ; the Novii must certainly have been transplanted into Spain, and 
these fellows are lineal descendants. But the hopeless part of the case is, that 
though our organs of sense are deafened, our understandings are not invigor- 
ated at their expense. We thought it best to make our escape from these 
braying metaphysicians, and by that prudent motion to avoid a headache which 
was just beginning to annoy us. We went and seated ourselves in a corner of 
the other room, whence, as we sipped our refreshing beverage, all comers and 
goers were obnoxious to our criticism. Nunez was acquainted with almost the 
whole set. Heaven and earth ! exclaimed he, the clash of philosophy is as 
yet but in its beginning ; fresh reinforcements are coming in on both sides. 
Those three men just on the threshold, mean to let slip the dogs of war. But 
do you see those two queer fellows going out ? That little swarthy, leather-com- 
plexioned Adonis, with long lank hair parted in the middle with mathematical 
exactness, is Don Juliano de Villanuno. He is a young barrister, with more 
of the prig than the lawyer about him. A party of us went to dine with him 
the other day. The occupation we caught him in was singular enough. He 
was amusing himself in his office with making a tall grey-hound fetch and carry 
the briefs in the causes which were so unfortunate as to have him retained ; and 
of course the canine amicus curice set his fangs indifferently into the flesh of plain- 
tiff or defendant, tearing law, equity, precedent, and principle into shreds. That 
licentiate at his elbow, with jolly, pimple-spangled nose and cheeks, goes by 
the name of Don Cherubino Tonto. He is a canon of Toledo, and the greatest 
fool that was ever suffered to walk the earth without a keeper. And yet, he 
arrays his features in that sort of not quite immeaning smile, that you would 
give him credit for good sense as well as good humour. His eye has the look 
of cunning if not of wisdom, and his laugh too much of sarcasm for an abso- 
lute idiot. One would conclude that he had a turn for mischief, but kept it 
down from principle and feeling. If you wish to take his opinion upon a work 
of genius, he will hear it read with so grave and wrapt a silence, as nothing but 
deep thought and acute mental criticism could justify ; but the truth is, that he 
comprehends not one word, and therefore can have nothing to say. He was 
of the barrister party. There were a thousand good things said, as there always 
must be in a professional company. Don Cherubino added nothing to the mass 
of merriment ; but looked such perfect approbation at those who did, was so 



266 GIL BLAS. 



tractable and complimentary a listener, that every man at table placed him 
second in the comparative estimate of merit. 

Do you know, said I to Nunez, who those two fellows are with dirty clothes 
and matted hair, their elbows on that table in the corner, and their cheeks upon 
their hands, whiffing foul breath into each other's nostrils as they lay their 
heads together ? He told me that by their faces they were strangers to him ; 
but that by physical and moral tokens they could only be coffee-house politi- 
cians, venting their spleen against the measures of government. But do look 
at that spruce spark, whistling as he paces up and down the other room, and 
balancing himself alternately on one toe and on the other. That is Don Au- 
gustino Moreto, a young poet sufficiently of nature's mint and coinage to pass 
current, if flatterers and sciolists had not debased him into a mere coxcomb by 
their misplaced admiration. The man to whom he is going up with that 
familiar shake by the hand, is one of the set who write verses and then call 
themselves poets ; who claim a speaking acquaintance with the muses, but never 
were of their private parties. 

Authors upon authors, nothing but authors ! exclaimed he, pointing out two 
dashing blades. One would think they had made an appointment on purpose 
to pass in review before you. Don Bernardo Deslenguado and Don Sebastian 
of Villa Yiciosa ! The first is a vinegar-flavoured vintage of Parnassus, a satirist 
by trade and company ; he hates all the world, and is not liked the better for 
his taste. As for Don Sebastian, he is the milk and honey of criticism ; he 
would not have the guilt of ill-nature on his conscience for the universe. He 
has just brought out a comedy without a single idea, which has succeeded with 
an audience of tantamount ideas ; and he has just now published it to vindicate 
his innocence. 

Gongora's candid pupil was running on in his career of benevolent explan- 
ation, when one of the Duke de Medina Sidonia's household came up and 
said : Sign or Don Fabricio, my lord duke wishes to speak with you. You will 
find him at home. Nunez, who knew that the wishes of a great lord could not 
be too soon gratified, left me without ceremony ; but he left me in the utmost 
consternation, to hear him called Don, and thus ennobled, in spite of master 
Chrysostom the barber's escutcheon, who had the honour to call him father. 

Ch. XIV. — Fabricio Jinds a situation for Gil Bias iri the establishment of 
Count Galiauo, a Sicilian nobleman. 

I WAS too happy in Fabricio's society, not to hunt him out again early the 
next morning. Good day to you, Signor Don Fabricio, said I on my first 
approach; it seems you are the picked and chosen flower, or rather, saving 
your presence, the nondescript excrescence of the Asturian nobility. This sar- 
casm had no other effect than to set him laughing heartily. Then the title of 
Don was not lost upon you ! exclaimed he. No, indeed, my noble lord, answered 
I ; and you will give me leave to tell you that when you were recounting your 
transformations to me yesterday, you forgot the most extraordinary. Exactly 
so, replied he ; but to speak sincerely, if I have taken up that prefix of dignity, 
it is less to tickle my own vanity, than in tenderness to that of others. You 
know what stuff the Spaniards are made of; an honest man is no honest man 
to them, if his honour is not bolstered up with escutcheons, pedigree, and patri- 
mony. I may tell you, moreover, that there are so many gentry, and very queer 
sort of gentry too, dubbed Don Francisco, Don Pedro, Don What-do-you-call- 
him, or Don Devil, that if they owe their coats of arms to any herald but their 
own impudence, modern nobility is a mere drug in the market, so that a pie- 



GIL BIAS INTRODUCED TO COUNT GALIANO. 267 

beiaa of nature's ennobling confers infinite honour on the upstarts of an artificial 
creation, by herding with their order. 

. But let us change the subject, added he. Last night, supping at the Duke 
de Medina Sidonia's, where among other company we had Count Galiano, a 
great Sicilian nobleman, the conversation turned upon the ridiculous effects of 
self-love. Delighted at having a case in point by way of illustration, I treated 
them with the story of the homilies. You may well suppose that there was a 
hearty laugh, and that the archbishop's dignity was not saved in the concussion ; 
but the effect was not amiss for you, since the company felt for your situation ; 
and Count Galiano, after a long string of questions, which of course I answered 
to your advantage, commissioned me to introduce you. I was just now going 
to look after you for that purpos-e. In all probability he means to offer you a 
situation as one of his secretaries. I advise you not to hang back. The count 
is rich, and lives away at Madrid, on the scale of an ambassador. He is said to 
have come to court on a negotiation with the Duke of Lerma, respecting some 
crown lands which that minister thinks of alienating in Sicily. In one word, 
Count Galiano, though a Sicilian, has every feature of generosity, fair dealing, 
and gentlemanly conduct. You cannot do better than get upon that noble- 
man's establishment. In all probability, the flattering prophecy respecting you 
at Grenada is to be fulfilled in his person. 

It was my full determination, said I to Nunez, to take my swing about town 
and look at men and manners a little, before the harness was buckled on my 
back again ; but you paint your Sicilian nobleman in colours which fascinate 
my imagination and change my purpose. I should like to close with him at 
once. You will do so very soon, replied he, or I am much deceived. We 
sallied forth together immediately, and went to the count's, who resided in 
the house of his friend, Don Sancho d'Avila, the latter being then in the 
country. t 

The court-yard was overrun with pages and footmen in rich and elegant 
liveries, while the ante-chamber was blockaded by esquires, gentlemen, and 
various officers of the household. They were all as fine as possible, but with 
so whimsical an assortment of features, that you might have taken them for a 
cluster of monkeys dressed up to satirize the Spanish fashions. Do what you 
will, there is a certain class of men and women in nature, whom no art can 
trick out into anything human. 

At the very name of Don Fabricio, a lane was formed for my patron, and I 
followed in the rear. The count was in his dressing-gown, sitting on a sofa 
and taking his chocolate. We made our obeisance in the most respectful ' 
manner ; while an inclination of the head on his part, accompanied with a con- 
descending smile, won my heart at once. It is very wonderful, and yet very 
common, how the most trifling notice from the great penetrates the very soul 
of those who are not accustomed to it ! They must have behaved like fiends, 
before their behaviour will be complained of. 

After taking his chocolate, he recreated himself with the humours of a large 
ape, which underwent the name of Cupid : why the ape was made a god, or 
the god likened to an ape, the parties concerned can best answer ; the only 
point of resemblance seemed to be mischief. At all events, this hairy brat of 
the sylvan Venus had so gamboled himself into his master's good graces, had 
established such a character for wit and humour, that the life of society was 
extinguished in his absence. As for Nunez and myself, though we had a 
better turn for drollery, we were cunning enough to chime in with the prevail- 
ing taste. The Sicilian was highly delighted with this, and tore himself away 
for a moment from his favourite pastime, just to tell me : My friend, you have 
only to say whether you choose to be one of my secretaries. If the situation 



268 GIL BLAS. 



suits you, the salary is two hundred, pistoles a year. If Don Fabricio gives 
you a character, that is enough. Yes, my lord, cried Nunez, I am not such a 
cowardly fellow as Plato, who introduced one of his friends to Dionysius the 
tyrant, and then was afraid to back his own recommendation. But I have no 
anxiety about being reproached on that head. 

I thanked the poet of the Asturias with a low bow, for having so much better 
an opinion of me than Plato had of his friend. Then addressing my patron, I 
assured him of my zeal and fidelity. No sooner did this good nobleman per- 
ceive his proposal to be acceptable, then he rang for his steward, and after 
talking to him apart, said to me : Gil Bias, I will explain the nature of your 
post hereafter. Meanwhile, you have only to follow that right-hand man of 
mine ; he has his orders how to bestow you. I immediately retreated, leaving 
Fabricio behind with the Count and Cupid. 

The steward, who came from Messina, and proved by all his actions that he 
came thence, led the way to his own room, overwhelming me all the while 
with the kindness of his reception. He sent for the tailor who lived upon the 
skirts of the household, and ordered him to make me out of hand a suit of 
equal magnificence with those of the principal officers. The tailor took my 
measure and withdrew. As to lodging, said the native of Messina, I know a 
room which will just suit you. But stay ! Have you breakfasted? I answered 
in the negative. Oh ! poor shamefaced youth, replied he, why did not you say 
so ? Come this way : I will introduce you where, thank heaven, you have only 
to ask and have. 

So saying, he led me down into the buttery, where we found the clerk of the 
kitchen, who was a Neapolitan, and of course a complete match for his neigh- 
bour on the other side of the water. It might be said of this pair that they 
were formed to meet by nature. This honest clerk of the kitchen was doing 
justice to his trade by cramming himself and five or six hangers-on with ham, 
tongue, sausages, and other savoury compositions, which, besides their own 
relish, possess the merit of engendering thirst : we made common cause with 
these jolly fellows, and helped them to toss off some of my lord the count's 
best wines. While these things were going on in the buttery, kindred exploits 
were performing in the kitchen. The cook too was regaling three or four 
tradesmen of his acquaintance, who liked good wine as well as ourselves, nor 
disdained to stuff their craws with meat pasties and game : the very scullions 
were at free quarters, and filched whatever they pleased. I fancied myself in 
a house given up to plunder ; and yet what I saw was comparatively fair and 
honest. These little festivities were laughing matters ; but the private trans- 
actions of the family were very serious, 

Ch. XV. — The employment of Gil Bias in Don Galiands household. 

I WENT away to fetch my moveables to my new residence. On my return the 
count was at table with several noblemen and the poet Nunez, who called 
about him as if perfectly at home, and took a principal share in the conversa- 
tion. Indeed, he never opened his lips without applause. So much for wit ! 
with that commodity at market, a man may pay his way in any company. 

It was my lot to dine with the gentlemen of the household, who were served 
nearly as well as their employer. After meal-time I withdrew to ruminate on 
my lot. So far so good, Gil Bias ! said I to myself : here you are in the family 
of a Sicilian count, of whose character you know nothing. To judge by ap- 
pearances, you will be as much in your element as a duck upon the water. 
But do not make too sure ! you ought to look askew at your horoscope, whose 
unkindly position you have too often experienced with a vengeance. Inde- 



EMPLOYMENT OF GIL BLAS. 269 

pendent of that, it is not easy to conjecture what he means you to do. There 
are secretaries and a steward already: where can your post be? In all likeli- 
hood you are intended to manage his little private affairs. Well and good ! 
There is no better luck about the house of a great nobleman, if you would 
travel post haste to make your fortune. In the performance of more honour- 
able services, a man gets on only step by step, and even at .that pace often sticks 
by the way. 

While these philosophical reflections were revolving in my mind, a servant 
came to tell me that all the company was gone home, and that my lord the 
count was inquiring for me. I flew immediately to his apartment, where I 
found him lolling on the sofa, ready to take his afternoon's nap, with his mon- 
key by his side. 

Come nearer, Gil Bias, said he ; take a chair, and hear me attentively. I 
placed myself in an attitude of profound listening, when he addressed me as 
follows. Don Fabricio has informed me that, among other good qualities, you 
have that of sincere attachment to your masters, and incorruptible integrity. 
These are my inducements for proposing to take you into my service. I stand 
in need of a friend in a domestic, to espouse my interests and apply his whole 
heart and soul to the reform of my establishment. My fortune is large, it 
must be confessed, but my expenditure far exceeds my income every year. 
And how happens that? Because they rob, ransack, and devour me. I 
might as well be in a forest infested by banditti, as an inhabitant of my own 
house. I suspect the clerk of the kitchen and my steward of playing into one 
another's hands ; and unless my thoughts are unjust as well as uncharitable, 
they are pushing forward as fast as they can to ruin me beyond redemption. 
You will ask me what I have to do but send them packing, if I think them 
scoundrels. But then where are others to be got of a better breed? It will be 
sufficient to place them under the eye of a man who shall be invested with the 
right of control over their conduct ; and you have I chosen to execute this com- 
mission. If you discharge it well, be assured that your services will not be 
repaid with ingratitude. I shall take care to provide you with a very comfort- 
able settlement in Sicily. 

With this he dismissed me; and that very evening, in the presence of the 
whole household, I was proclaimed principal manager and surveyor-general of 
the family. Our gentlemen of Messina and Naples expressed no particular 
chagrin at first, because they considered me as a spark of mettle like their own, 
and took it for granted, that though the loaf was to be shared with a third, 
there would always be cut and come again for the triumvirate. But they 
looked inexpressibly foolish the next day, when I declared myself in serious 
terms a decided enemy to all peculation and underhand dealing. From the 
clerk of the kitchen I required the buttery accounts without varnish or conceal- 
ment. I went down into the cellar. The furniture of the butler's pantry un- 
derwent a strict examination, particularly in the articles of plate and linen. 
Next I read them a serious lecture on the duty of acting for their employer as 
they would for themselves ; exhorted them to adopt a system of economy in 
their expenditure; and wound up my harangue with a protestation, that his 
lordship should be acquainted with the very first instance of any unfair tricks 
that I should discover in the exercise of my office. 

But I had not yet got to the length of my tether. There was still wanting 
a scout to ascertain whether they had any private understanding. I fixed upon 
a scullion, who, won over by my promises, told me that I could not have ap- 
plied to a better person to be informed of all that was passing in the family ; 
that the clerk of the kitchen and the steward were one as good as the other, 
and agreed to burn the candle at both ends ; that half the provisions bought for 



270 GIL BLAS. 



the table were made perquisites by these gentlemen ; that the Neapolitan kept 
a lady who lives opposite St Thomas's college, and his colleague, not to be 
outdone, provided for another next door to the Sungate ; that these two nymphs 
had their larder regularly supplied every morning, while the cook, following a 
good example, sent a few little nice things to a widow of his acquaintance in 
the neighbourhood : but as he winked at the table arrangements of his dear 
and confidential friends, it was but fair that he should draw whenever he 
pleased upon the wine-cellar : in short, by the practices of these three blood- 
suckers, a most horrible system of extravagance had found its way into my lord 
the count's establishment. If you doubt my veracity, added the scullion, only 
take the trouble of going to-morrow morning about seven o'clock into the 
neighbourhood of St Thomas's college, and you will see me with a load upon 
my back, which will convert your suspicions into certainty. Then you, said I, 
are in the confidence of these honest purveyors ? I am factor to the clerk of 
the kitchen, answered he; and one of my comrades runs on errands for the 
steward. 

I had the curiosity the next day to loiter about St Thomas's college at the 
appointed hour. My informer was punctual to time and place. He brought 
with him a large tray full of butcher's meat, poultry, and game. I took an 
account of every article; and drew out the bill of fare in my memorandum 
book, for the purpose of shewing it to my master : at the same time telling my 
little turnspit to execute his commission as usual. 

His Sicilian lordship, naturally warm in his temper, would have turned his 
countryman and the Italian out of doors together, in the first fury of bis anger ; 
but after cooling upon it, he got rid of the former only, and gave me his vacant 
place. Thus my office of supervisor was suppressed very shortly after its crea- 
tion ; nor did I relinquish it with any reluctance. To define it strictly and 
properly, it was nothing better than that of a spy with a sounding title ; there 
was nothing substantial in the nature of the appointment : whereas to the stew- 
ardship was tied the key of the strong box, and with that goes the mastery of 
the whole family. There are so many little perquisites and so much patronage 
attached to that department of administration, that a man must inevitably get 
rich, almost in spite of his own honesty. 

But our Neapolitan was not so easily to be driven from his strongholds. 
Observing to what a pitch of savage zeal I carried my integrity, and that I was 
up every morning time enough to enter in my books the exact quantity of meat 
that came from market, he abandoned the practice of sending it off by whole- 
sale : yet the plunderer did not therefore contract the scale of his demands on 
the animal creation. He was cunning enough to make it as broad as it was 
long, by arranging the services with so much the more profusion. Thus, what 
was sent down again untouched being his property by culinary common law, 
he had nothing to do but to pamper up his pet with victuals ready dressed, 
instead of giving her the trouble of cooking for herself. The devil will levy his 
due out of every transaction ; so that the count was very little the better for his 
paragon of a steward. The unbounded prodigality in our style of setting out a 
table, even to a surfeiting degree, was a plain hint to me of what was going 
forward ; I therefore took upon myself to retrench the superfluities of every 
course. This, however, was done with so judicious a hand, that there was no- 
thing like parsimony to be discovered. No one would ever have missed what 
was taken away ; and yet the expense was reduced very considerably by a well- 
regulated economy. That was just what my employer wanted ; good house- 
wifery, but a magnificent establishment. There was a love of saving at the 
bottom ; but a taste for grandeur was the ostensible passion. 

Abuses seldom exist alone. The wine flowed too freely. If, for instance, 



GIL BLAS' CONDUCT AS STEWARD. 271 

there were a dozen gentlemen at his lordship's table, the consumption was sel- 
dom less than fifty, sometimes sixty bottles. This was strange ; and looked as 
if there was more in it than met the lips of the guests. Hereupon I consulted 
my oracle of the scullery, whence I derived most of my wisdom : for he brought 
me a faithful account of all that was said and done in the kitchen, where they 
had not the least suspicion of him. It seemed that the havoc of which I com- 
plained proceeded from a new confederacy between the clerk of the kitchen, 
the cook, and the under butler. The latter carried off the bottles half full, and 
shared their contents with his allies. I spoke to him on the subject, threaten- 
ing to turn him and all the footmen under him out of doors at a minute's warn- 
ing, if ever they did the like again. The hint was understood, and the evil 
remedied. I took especial care lest the slightest of my services should be lost 
upon my master, who overwhelmed me with commendations, and took a greater 
liking to me every day. On my part, as a reward to the scullion, he was pro- 
moted to the situation next under the cook. 

The Neapolitan was furious at encountering me in every direction. The most 
aggravating circumstance of the whole was the overhauling of his accounts ; for, 
to pare his nails the closer, I had gone into the market, and informed myself 
of the prices. I followed him through all his doublings, and always took off 
the market penny which he wanted to add. He must have cursed me a hun- 
dred times a day ; but the curses of the wicked fall in blessings on the good. 
I wonder how he could stay in his place under such discipline ; but probably 
something still stuck by the fingers. 

Fabricio, whom I saw occasionally, rather blamed my conduct than otherwise. 
Heaven grant, said he, one day, that all this virtue may meet with its reward ! 
But between ourselves you might as well be a little more practicable with the 
clerk of the kitchen. What ! answered I, shall this freebooter put a bold face 
upon the matter, and charge a fish at ten pistoles in his bill, which costs only four, 
and would you have me pass the articles in my accounts ? Why not ? replied 
he, coolly. He has only to let you go snacks in the commission, and the books 
will be balanced in your favour by the customary rule of stewardship arithmetic. 
Upon my word, my friend, you are enough to overturn all regular systems of 
housekeeping ; and you are likely to end your days in a livery, if you let the eel 
slip through your fingers without skinning it. You are to learn that fortune is 
a very woman ; ready and eager to surrender, but expecting the formality of a 
summons. 

I only laughed at this doctrine ; and Nunez laughed at it too, when he found 
that bad advice was thrown away upon an incorrigibly honest subject. He then 
wished to make me believe it was all a mere joke. At all events, nothing 
could shake my resolution to act for my employer as for myself. Indeed my 
actions corresponded with my words on that subject ; for I may venture to say 
that in four months my master saved at least three thousand ducats by my 
thrift. 

Ch. XVI. — An accident happens to the Count de Gal land's monkey ; his lord- 
ship's affliction on that occasion. The illness of Gil Bias, and its consequences. 

At the expiration of the before-mentioned time, the repose of the family was 
marvellously troubled by an accident, which will appear but a trifle to the reader; 
and yet it was a very serious matter to the household, especially to me. Cupid, 
the monkey of whom I was speaking, that animal, so much the idol of our lord 
and master, attempting to leap from one window to another, performed so 
ill as to fall into the court and put his leg out of joint. No sooner were the 
fatal tidings earned to the count, than he sung a dhge which pealed through 



272 



GIL BIAS. 



all the neighbourhood. In the extremity of his sufferings, every inmate without 
exception was taken to task, and we were all within an inch of being packed off 
about our business. But the storm only rumbled without falling ; he gave us 
and our negligence to the devil, without being by any means select in the terms 
of the bequest. The most notorious of the faculty in the line of fractures and 
dislocations were sent for. They examined the poor dear leg, set, and bound it 
up. But though they all gave it as their opinion that there was no danger, my 
master could not be satisfied without retaining the most eminent about the per- 
son of the animal, till he could be pronounced to be in a state of convalescence. 

It would be a manifest injustice to the family affections of his Sicilian lord- 
ship, not to commemorate all the agonizing sensations of his soul during this 
period of painful suspense. Would it be thought possible that this tender nurse 
did not stir from his darling Cupid's bedside all the live-long day ? The band- 
ages were never altered or adjusted but in his presence, and he got up two or 
three times in the night to inquire after his patient. The most provoking part 
of the business was, that all the seivants, and myself in particular, were required 
to be eternally on the alert, to anticipate the slightest wishes of this ridiculous 
baboon. In short, there was no peace in the house, till the cursed beast, hav- 
ing recovered from the effects of its fall, got back again to his old tricks and 
whirligigs. After this shall we be mealy-mouthed about believing Suetonius, 
when he tells us that Caligula cared more for his horse than for all the world 
besides, that he gave him more than the establishment and attendance of a 
senator, and that he even wanted to make him consul ? Our wise master stop- 
ped little short of the emperor in his partiality to the monkey ; and had serious 
thoughts of purchasing for him the place of corregidor. 

Mine was the worst luck of any in the family ; for I had so topped my part 
above all the other servants, by way of paying my court to his lordship, and 
had nursed poor dear Cupid with such assiduity, as to throw myself into a fit 
of illness. A violent fever seized me, so that I was almost at death's door. 
They did what they pleased with me for a whole fortnight, without my con- 
sciousness ; for the physicians and the fates were both conspiring against me. 
But my youth was more than a match for the fever and the prescriptions united. 
When I recovered my senses, the first use I made of them was to observe my- 
self removed to another room. I wanted to know why ; and asked an old 
woman who nursed me : but she told me that I must not talk, as the physician 
had expressly forbidden it. When we are well, we turn up our noses at the 
doctors ; but when we are sick, we are as much like old women as themselves. 

It seemed best therefore to keep silence, though with an inveterate longing 
to hold converse with my attendant. I was debating the point in my own mind, 
when there came in two foppish-looking fellows, dressed in the very extreme of 
fashion. Nothing less than velvet would serve their turn, with linen and lace 
to correspond. They looked like men of rank ; and I could have sworn that 
they were some of my master's friends come to see me out of regard for him. 
Under that impression I attempted to sit up, and flung away my nightcap to 
look genteel ; but the nurse forced me under the bedclothes again, and tucked 
me up, announcing these gentlemen at the same time, as my physician and 
apothecary. 

The doctor came up to my bedside, felt my pulse, looked in my face ; and 
discovering undeniable symptoms of approaching convalescence, assumed an air 
of triumph, as if it was all his handiwork ;• and said there was nothing wanting 
but to keep the bowels open, and then he flattered himself he might boast of 
having performed an extraordinary cure. Speaking after this manner, he dic- 
tated a prescription to the apothecary, looking in the glass all the time, adjust- 
ing the dress of his hair, and twisting his visage into shapes which set me laugh- 




Gil Bias and the Doctors.— p. 272. 



GIL BLAS REFUSES HIS MEDICINE. 



273 



ing in spite of my debility. At length he took his leave with a slight inclination 
of the head, and went his way, more taken with the contemplation of his own 
pretty person, than anxious about the success of his remedies. 

After his departure, the apothecary, not to have the trouble of a visit for no- 
thing, made ready to proceed as it is prescribed in certain cases. Whether he 
was afraid that the old woman's skill was not equal to the exigency, or whether 
he meant to enhance his own services by assiduity, he chose to operate in per- 
son ; but in spite of practice and experience, accidents will happen. Haste to 
return benefits is among the most amiable propensities of our nature ; and such 
was my eagerness not to be behindhand with my benefactor, that his velvet 
dress bore immediate testimony to the profuseness of my gratitude. This he 
considered merely as one of those little occurrences which chequer the fortunes 
of the pharmaceutical profession. A napkin is a resource for everything in a 
sick room, and least said was soonest mended ; so he wiped himself quietly, 
vowing indemnity and vengeance to himself for the necessity under which he 
unquestionably laboured of sending his clothes to the scourer. 

On the following morning he returned to the attack more modestly equipped, 
though there was then no risk of my springing a countermine, as he had 
only to administer the potion which the doctor had prescribed the evening be- 
fore. Besides that I felt myself getting better every moment, I had taken such 
a dislike, since the day before, to the pill-dispensing tribe, ab to curse the very 
universities where these graduated cut-throats kept their exercises in the faculty 
of slaying. In this temper of mind, I declared, with a round oath, that I would 
not accept of health through such a medium, but would willingly make over Hip- 
pocrates and his myrmidons to the devil. The apothecary, who did not care 
a doit what became of his compound, if it was but paid for, left the phial on 
the table, and stalked away in Telamonian silence. 

I immediately ordered that bitch of a medicine to be thrown out of window, 
having set myself so doggedly against it, that I would as soon have swallowed 
arsenic. Having once drawn the sword, I threw away the scabbard ; and 
erecting my tongue into an independent potentate, told my nurse in a deter- 
mined tone, that she must absolutely inform me what was become of my mas- 
ter. The old lady, fearing lest the development of the mystery might completely 
overset me, or thinking possibly that her prey might escape out of her clutches 
for want of a little irritating contradiction, was most provokingly mute ; but I 
was so pressing in my demand to be obeyed, that she at length gave me a de- 
cisive answer : Worthy sir, you have no longer any master but your own will. 
Count Galiano is gone back into Sicily. 

I could not believe my ears ; and yet it was fatally the fact. That nobleman, 
on the second day of my indisposition, being afraid of harbouring death under 
the same roof with him, had the benevolence to send me packing with my little 
effects to a ready- furnished room, where providence was left to cure, or a nurse 
to kill me, as it happened. While the alternative was tottering on the balance, 
he was ordered back into Sicily, and in the headlong haste of his obedience, 
never thought about me ; whether it was that he numbered me already among 
the dead, or that great lords, like great wits, have short memories. 

My nurse gave me these particulars, and informed me that it was she- who 
had called in a physician and an apothecary, that I might not die without pro- 
fessional honours. I fell into profound musing at this fine story. Farewell my 
brilliant establishment in Sicily ! Farewell my budding hopes and blushing 
honours ! When any great misfortune shall have befallen you, says a certain 
pope, look well to your own conduct, and you will find that there is always some- 
thing wrong at the bottom of it. With all reverent submission to his holi- 
ness, I cannot help thinking myself in this instance an exception to the infalli- 



274 GIL BIAS. 



bility of his maxim. How the deuce was I to blame for being visited by a 
fever ? There was more reason for remorse in the monkey or his master than 
in me. 

When I beheld the flattering chimeras with which my head was filled, all 
vanishing into air, into thin air, the first thing that worried my poor brain was 
my portmanteau, which I ordered to be laid upon my bed to examine it. I 
groaned heavily on discovering that it had been opened. Alas ! my dear port- 
manteau, exclaimed I, my only hope, consolation, and refuge ! You have been, 
to all appearance, a prisoner in an enemy's country. No, no, Signor Gil Bias, 
said the old woman, make yourself easy on that head ; you have not fallen 
among thieves. Your baggage is as immaculate as my honour. 

I found the dress I had on at my first entrance into the count's service ; but it 
was in vain to look for that which my friend from Messino had ordered for me 
as a member of the household. My master had not thought fit to leave me in 
possession of it, or else some one had made free with it. All my other little 
matters were safe, and even a large leather purse with my coin in it, which I 
counted over twice, not being able to believe at first that there could be only 
fifty pistoles remaining out of two hundred and sixty, which was the balance of 
the account before my illness. What is the meaning of all this, my good lady ? 
said I to the nurse. Here is a leak in the vessel. No living soul but myself 
has touched a farthing, answered the old woman, and I have been as good an 
economist for you as possible. But illness is very expensive; one must always 
have one's money in one's hand. Here ! added this excellent economist, taking 
a bundle of papers out of her pocket, this is a statement of debtor and creditor, 
as exact as a banker's book, and you will see that I have not laid out the veriest 
trifle in need-nots. 

I ran over the account with a hasty glance ; for it extended to fifteen or 
twenty pages. Mercy on us ! The poulterers' shops must have been exhausted, 
while I was in too weak a state to take sustenance ! There must have been at 
least twelve pistoles stewed down into broths. Other articles were much to 
the same tune. It was incredible what a sum had been lavished in firing, 
candles, water, brooms, and innumerable articles of housekeeping and house- 
cleaning. After all, extortionate as the bill was, the utmost ingenuity could not 
raise it above thirty pistoles, and consequently there was a deficiency of a hun- 
dred and eighty to make the account even. I just ventured to point that out ; 
but the old woman, with a shew of simplicity and candour, put all the saints in 
the calendar into requisition to attest that there were no more than eighty 
pistoles in the purse when the count's steward gave her charge of the wallet. 
What say you, my good woman, interrupted I with precipitation : was it the 
steward who placed my effects in your hands ? To be sure it was, answered 
she ; the veiy man ; and with this piece of advice : Here, good mother, when 
Gil Bias shall be numbered with the dead, do not fail to treat him with a hand- 
some funeral ; there is in this wallet wherewithal to defray the expenses. 

Ah ! most pestiferous Neapolitan ! exelaimed I in the bitterness of my heart. 
I am no longer at a loss to conjecture what is become of the deficiency. You 
have swept it off as an indemnity for a part of the plunder which I have pre- 
vented you from making free with. After relieving my mind by exclamations, 
I returned thanks to heaven that the scoundrel had been so modest as not to 
take the whole. Yet whatever reason I had for believing the action to be per- 
fectly in character for the person to whom it was imputed, the nurse had not 
altogether cleared herself from my suspicions. They hovered sometimes over 
one and sometimes over the other ; but let them light where they would, it was 
all the same to me. I said nothing about the matter to the old woman ; not 
even so much as to haggle about the items of her fine bill. I should not have 



RAPACIOUSNESS OF THE DOCTORS. 275 

been an atom the richer for doing so ; and we must all live by our trades. The 
utmost of my malice was to pay her and send her packing three days afterwards. 

I am inclined to think that at her departure she gave the apothecary notice 
of her quitting the premises, and having left me sufficiently in possession of my- 
self to take French leave without acknowledging my obligations to him ; for she 
had not been gone many minutes before he came in puffing and blowing, with 
his bill in his hand. There, under names which had escaped my conscription, 
though as arrant a physician as the worst of them, he had set down all the 
hypothetical remedies which he insisted that I had taken during the time when 
I could take nothing. This bill might truly be called the epitome of an 
apothecary's conscience. Such being the case, we had a bustle about the pay- 
ment. I pleaded for an abatement of one-half. He swore that he would not 
take a doit less than his just demand. He kept his oath and yet relaxed ; for 
considering that he had to do with a young man who might run away from 
Madrid within four-and-twenty hours, he preferred my offer of three hundred 
per cent, on the prime cost of his drugs, though a pitiful profit for an apothecary, 
to the risk of losing all. I counted out the money with an aching heart, and he 
withdrew, chuckling over his revenge for the scurvy trick I had played him on 
the day of evacuation. 

The physician made his appearance next ; for beasts of prey inhabit the same 
latitudes. I fee'd him for his visits, which had been quite as frequent as neces- 
sary, and his object was answered. But he would not leave me without proving 
how hardly he had earned his money, for that he had not only expelled the 
enemy from the interior, but had defended the frontiers from the attack of all 
the disorders on the army list of the materia medica. He talked very learnedly, 
with good emphasis and discretion ; so much so, that I did not comprehend one 
word he said. When I had got rid of him, I flattered myself that the destinies 
had now done their worst. But I was mistaken ; for there came a surgeon whose 
face I had never seen in the whole course of my life. He accosted me very 
politely, and congratulated me on the imminent danger I had escaped ; attribut- 
ing the happy issue of my complaints to those which he had himself cut, with 
the profuse application of bleeding, cupping, blistering, and all sorts of torments, 
consequent and inconsequent. Another feather out of my poor wing ! I was 
obliged to pay toll to the surgeon also. After so many purgatives, my purse 
was brought to such a state of debility, that it might be considered as dead and 
gone ; a mere skeleton, drained of all its vital juices. 

My spirits began to flag, on the contemplation of my wretched case. In the 
service of my two last masters I had wedded myself to the pomps and vanities 
of this wicked world ; and could no longer, as heretofore, look poverty in the 
face with the sternness of a cynic. It must be owned, however, that I was in 
the wrong to give way to melancholy, after experiencing so often that fortune 
had never cast me down, but for the purpose of raising me up again ; so that 
my pitiful plight at the present moment, if rightly considered, was only to be 
hailed as the harbinger of approaching prosperity. 



276 GIL BLAS. 



BOOK THE EIGHTH. 

Ch. I. — Gil Bias scrapes an acquaintance of some value, and finds wherewithal 
to make him amends for the Count de Galiands ingratitude. Don Valerio de 
Lunds story. 

It seemed so strange to have heard not a syllable from Nunez during this long 
interval, that I concluded he must be in the country. I went to look after him 
as soon as I could walk, and found the fact to be, that he had gone into Anda- 
lusia three weeks ago, with the Duke of Medina Sidonia. 

One morning when rubbing my eyes after a sound sleep, Melchior de la 
Ronda started into my recollection ; and that bringing to mind my promise at 
Grenada, of going to see his nephew, if ever I should return to Madrid, it seemed 
advisable not to defer fulfilling my promise for a single day. I inquired 
where Don Balthazar de Zuniga lived, and went thither straightway. On ask- 
ing if Signor Joseph Navarro was at home, he made his appearance immedi- 
ately. We exchanged bows with a well-bred coolness on his part, though I 
had taken care to announce my name audibly. There was no reconciling such 
a frosty reception with the glowing portrait ascribed to this paragon of the 
buttery. I was just going to withdraw in the full determination of not coining 
again, when assuming all at once an open and smiling aspect, he said with con- 
siderable earnestness : Ah ! Signor Gil Bias de Santillane, pray forgive the 
formality of your welcome. My memory ill seconded the warmth of my dispo- 
sition towards you. Your name had escaped me, and was not at the moment 
identified with the gentleman, of whom mention was made in a letter from 
Grenada more than four months ago. 

How happy I am to see you ! added he, shaking hands with me most cor- 
dially. My uncle Melchior, whom I love and honour like my natural father, 
charges me, if by chance I should have the honour of seeing you, to entertain 
you as his own son, and in case of need, to stretch my own credit and that of 
my friends to the utmost in your behalf. He extols the qualities of your heart 
and mind in terms sufficient of themselves to engage me in your service, though 
his recommendation had not been added to the other motives. Consider me, 
therefore, I entreat you, as participating in all my uncle's sentiments. You may 
depend on my friendship ; let me hope for an equal share in yours. 

I replied to Joseph's polite assurances in suitable terms of acknowledgment ; 
so that being both of us warm-hearted and sincere, a close intimacy sprung up 
without waiting for common forms. I felt no embarrassment about laying open 
the state of my affairs. This I had no sooner done, than he said : I take upon 
myself the care of finding you a situation; meanwhile, there is a knife and fork 
for you here every day. You will live rather better than at an ordinary. This 
offer was sure to be well relished by an invalid just recovering with a fastidious 
palate and an empty pocket. It could not but be accepted ; and I picked up 
my crumbs so fast that at the end of a fortnight I began to look like a rosy-gilled 
son of the church. It stnick me that Melchior's nephew larded his lean sides 
to some purpose. But how could it be otherwise ? he had three strings to his 
bow, as holding the undermentioned pluralities : the butler's place, the clerk- 
ship of the kitchen, and the stewardship. Furthermore, without meaning to 
question my friend's honesty, they do say that the comptroller of the household 
and he looked over each other's hands. 

My recovery was entirely confirmed, when my friend Joseph, on my coming 



GIL BIAS IN THE SERVICE OF SIGNOR MONTESER. 2 



77 



in to dinner as usual one day, said with an air of congratulation : Signor Gil 
Bias, I have a very tolerable situation in view for you. You must know that 
the Duke of Lerma, first minister of the crown in Spain, giving himself up 
entirely to state affairs, throws the burden of his own on two confidential per- 
sons. Don Diego de Monteser takes the charge of collecting his rents, and 
Don Rodrigo de Calderona superintends the finances of his household. These 
two officers are paramount in their departments, having nothing to do with one 
another. Don Diego has generally two deputies to transact the business ; and 
finding just now that one of them had been discharged, I have been canvassing 
for you. Signor Monteser having the greatest possible regard for me, granted 
my request at once, on the strength of my testimony to your morals and capa- 
city. We will pay our respects to him after dinner. 

We did not miss our appointment. I was received with every mark of favour, 
and promoted in the room of the dismissed deputy. My business consisted in 
visiting the farms, in giving orders for the necessary repairs, in dunning the 
farmers, and keeping them to time in their payments ; in a word, the tenants 
were all under my thumb, and Don Diego checked my accounts every month 
with a minuteness which few receivers could have borne. But this was exactly 
what I wanted. Though my uprightness had been so ill requited by my late 
master, it was my only inheritance, and I was determined not to sell the 
reversion. 

One day news came that the castle of Lerma had taken fire, and was more 
than half burnt down. I immediately went thither to estimate the loss. In- 
forming myself to a nicety, and on the spot, respecting all the particulars of the 
unlucky accident, I drew up a detailed narrative, which Monteser shewed to 
the Duke of Lerma. That minister, though vexed at the circumstance, was 
struck with the memorial, and inquired who was the author. Don Diego 
thought it not enough to answer the question, but spoke of me in such high 
terms, that his excellency recollected it six months afterwards, on occasion of 
an incident I shall now relate, had it not been for which I might never, perhaps, 
have been employed at court. It was as follows : — 

There lived at that time in Princes Street an elderly lady, by name Inesilla 
de Cantarilla. Her birth was a matter of mystery. Some said she was the 
daughter of a musical instrument-maker, and others gave her a high military 
extraction. However that might be, she was a very extraordinary personage. 
Nature had gifted her with the singular talent of winning men's hearts in defi- 
ance of time, and in contradiction to her own laws ; for she was now entering 
upon the fourth quarter of her century. She had been the reigning toast of the 
old court, and levied tribute on the passions of the new. Age, though at dag- 
gers drawn with beauty, was completely foiled in its assault upon her charms ; 
they might be somewhat faded, but the touch of sympathy they excited in their 
decline was more pleasing that the vivid glow of their meridian lustre. An air 
of dignity, a transporting wit and humour, an unborrowed grace in her deport- 
ment, perpetuated the reign of passion, and silenced the suggestions of reason. 

Don Valerio de Luna, one of the Duke of Lerma's secretaries, a young fellow 
of five-and-twenty, meeting with Inesilla, fell violently in love with her. He made 
- his sentiments known, enacted all the mummery of despair, and followed up the 
usual catastrophe of every amorous drama so much according to the unities and 
rules, that it was difficult, in the very torrent and whirlwind of his passion, to 
beget a temperance that might give it smoothness. The lady, who had her 
reason for not choosing to fall in with his humour, was at a loss how to get out 
of the difficulty. One day she was in hopes to have found the means by calling 
the young man into her closet, and there pointing to a clock upon the table. 
Mark the precise hour, said she ; just seventy-five years ago was I brought upon 



278 GIL BLAS. 



the stage of this fantastical world. In good earnest, would it sit well upon my 
time of life to be engaged in affairs of gallantry ? Betake yourself to reflection, 
my good child ; stifle sentiments so unsuitable to your own circumstances and 
mine. Sensible as this language was, the spark, no longer bowing to the 
authority of reason, answered the lady with all the impetuosity of a man racked 
by the most excruciating torments : Cruel Inesilla, why have you recourse to 
such frivolous remonstrances ? Do you think they can change your charms or 
my desires ? Delude not yourself with so false a hope. As long as your loveli- 
ness or my delusion lasts, I shall never cease to adore you. Well, then, rejoined 
she, since you are obstinate enough to persist in the resolution of wearying me 
with your importunities, my doors shall henceforth be shut against you. You 
are banished, and I beg to be no longer troubled with your company. 

It may be supposed, perhaps, that after this, Don Valerio, baffled, made 
good his retreat like a prudent general. Quite the reverse ! He became more 
troublesome than ever. Love is to lovers just what wine is to drunkards. The 
swain intreated, sighed, looked, and sighed again ; when all at once, changing his 
note from childish treble to the big manly voice of bluster and ravishment, he 
swore that he would have by foul means what he could not obtain by fair. But 
the lady, repulsing him courageously, said with a piercing look of strong re- 
sentment, Hold, imprudent wretch ! I shall put a curb on your mad career. 
Learn that you are my own son. 

Don Valerio was thunderstruck at these words ; the tempest of his rage sub- 
sided. But, conjecturing that Inesilla had only started this device to rid her- 
self of his solicitations, he answered, That is a mere romance of the moment to 
steal away from my ardent desires. No, no, said she, interrupting him, I dis- 
close a mysteiy which should have been for ever buried, had you not reduced 
me to so painful a necessity. It is six-and-twenty years since I was in love with 
your father, Don Pedro de Luna, then governor of Segovia ; you were the fruit 
of our mutual passion : he owned you, brought you up with care and tender- 
ness, and having no children born in wedlock, he had nothing to hinder him 
from distinguishing your good qualities by the gifts of fortune. On my part, I 
have not forsaken you ; as soon as you were of an age to be introduced into the 
world, I drew you into the circle of my acquaintance, to form your manners to 
that polish of good company, so necessary for a gentleman, which is only to be 
gained in female society. I have done more : I have employed all my credit 
to introduce you to the prime minister. In short, I have interested myself for 
you as I should have done for my own son. After this confession, take your 
measures accordingly. If you can purge your affections from their dross, and 
look on me as a mother, you are not banished from my presence, and I shall 
treat you with my accustomed tenderness. But if you are not equal to an effort, 
which nature and reason demand from you, fly instantly, and release me from 
the horror of beholding you. 

Inesilla spoke to this effect. Meanwhile Don Valerio preserved a sudden 
silence : it might have been interpreted into a virtuous struggle, a conquest over 
the weakness of his heart. But his purposes were far different ; he had another 
scene to act before his mother. Unable to withstand the total overthrow of al 
his wild projects, he basely yielded to despair. Drawing his sword, he plunged 
it in his own bosom. His fate resembled that of CEdipus, with this distinction 
that the Theban put out his own eyes from remorse for the crime he had per 
petrated, while the Castilian, on the contrary, committed suicide from disap 
pointment at the frustration of his purposes. 

The unhappy Don Valerio was not released from his sufferings immediately 
He had leisure left for recollection, and for making his peace with heaven, be 
fore he rushed into the presence of his Maker. As his death vacated one of the 



GIL BLAS A SECRETARY TO THE PRIME MINISTER. 279 

secretaryships on the Duke of Lerma's establishment, that minister, not having 
forgotten my memoir on the subject of the fire, nor the high character he had 
heard of me, nominated me to succeed to the post in question. 

Ch. II. — Gil Bias is introduced to the Duke of Lerma, who admits him among 
the number of his secretaries, and requires a specimen of his talents, with which 
he is well satisfied. 

Monteser was the person to inform me of this agreeable circumstance, which 
he did in the following terms : My friend Gil Bias, though I do not lose you 
without regret, I am too much your well-wisher not to be delighted at your 
promotion in the room of Don Valerio. You cannot fail to make a princely 
fortune, provided you act upon two hints which I have to give you : the first, 
to affect so total a devotion to his excellency's good pleasure, as to leave 
no room to conceive it possible that you have any other object or interest in life 
— the second, to pay your court assiduously to Signor Don Rodrigo de Calde- 
rona ; for that personage models and remodels, fashions and touches upon the 
mind of his master, just as if it was clay under the hands of the designer. If you 
are fortunate enough to chime in with that favourite secretary, you will travel 
post to wealth and honour, and find relays upon the road. 

Sir, said I to Don Diego, returning him thanks at the same time for his good 
advice, be pleased to give some little opening to Don Rodrigo's character. I 
have heard a few anecdotes of him. One would suppose him, from some ac- 
counts, not to be the best creature in the world ; but the people at large are 
inveterate caricaturists when they draw courtiers at full length ; though, after all, 
the likeness will strike, in spite of the aggravation. Tell me, therefore, I be- 
seech you, what is your own sincere opinion of Signor Calderona. That is 
rather an awkward question, answered my principal with an ironical smile. I 
should tell any one but yourself, without flinching, that he was a gentleman of 
the strictest honour, upon whose fair fame the breath of calumny had never 
dared to blow ; but I really cannot put off such a copy of my countenance upon 
you. Relying as I do on your discretion, it becomes a duty to deal candidly in 
the delineation of Don Rodrigo ; for without that, it would be playing fast and 
loose with you to recommend the cultivation of his good- will. 

You are to know then, that when his excellency was no more than plain Don 
Francisco de Sandoval, this man had the humility to serve him as his lackey ; 
since which time he has risen by degrees to the post of principal secretary. A 
prouder excrescence of the dunghill never sprung into vegetation on a summer's 
day. He considers himself as the Duke of Lerma's colleague ; and in point of 
fact, he may truly be said to parcel out the loaves and fishes of administration, 
since he gives away offices and governments at the suggestions of his own ca- 
price. The public grumbles and growls upon occasion ; but who cares for the 
grumbling and growling of the public ? Let him steal a pair of gloves from the 
prostitution of political honour, and the bronze upon his forehead will be proof 
against the peltings of scandal. What I have said will decide your dealings 
towards so supercilious a compound of dust and cashes. Yes, to be sure, said I ; 
leave me alone for that. It will be strange indeed if I cannot wriggle myself 
into his good graces. If one can but get on the blind side of a man who is to 
be made a property, it must be want of skill in the player if the game is lost. 
Exactly so, replied Monteser ; and now I will introduce you to the Duke of 
Lerma. 

We went at once to the minister, whom we found in his audience-chamber. 
His levee was more crowded than the king's. There were commanders and 
knights of St James and of Calatrava, making interest for governments and 



28o GIL BLAS. 



viceroyalties ; bishops who, labouring under oppression of the breath and tight- 
ness of the chest in their own dioceses, had been recommended the air of an 
archbishopric by their physicians ; while the sounder lungs of lower digni- 
taries were strong enough to inhale the Theban atmosphere of a suffragan see. 
I observed besides some reduced officers dancing attendance to Captain Chin- 
chilla's tune, and catching cold in fishing for a pension, which was never likely 
to pay the doctor for their cure. If the duke did not satisfy their wants, he put 
a pleasant face upon their importunities ; and it struck me that he returned a 
civil answer to all applicants. 

We waited patiently till the routine of ceremony was despatched. Then said 
Don Diego : My lord, this is Gil Bias de Santillane, the young man appointed 
by your excellency to succeed Don Valeric The duke now took more particu- 
lar notice of me, saying obligingly, that I had already earned my promotion by 
my services. He then took me to a private conference in his closet, or rather 
to an examination. My birth, parentage, and course of life were the objects of 
his inquiry ; nor would he be satisfied without the particulars, and those in the 
spirit of sincerity. What a career to run over before a patron ! Yet it was 
impossible to lie, in the presence of a prime minister. On the other hand, my 
vanity was concerned in suppressing so many circumstances, that there was no 
venturing on an unqualified confession. What cunning scene had Roscius then 
to act ? A little painting and tattooing might decently be employed to disguise 
the nakedness of truth, and spare her unsophisticated blushes. But he had 
studied her complexion, as well as the beauties of her natural form. Monsieur 
de Santillane, said he with a smile on the close of my narrative, I perceive that 
hitherto you have had your principles to choose. My lord, answered I, colour- 
ing up to the eyes, your excellency enjoined me to deal sincerely ; and I have 
complied with your orders. I take your doing so in good part, replied he. It 
is all very well, my good fellow : you have escaped from the snares of this wick- 
ed world more by luck than management : it is wonderful that bad example 
should not have corrupted you irreparably. There are many men of strict virtue 
and exemplary piety, who would have turned out the greatest rogues in existence, 
if their destinies had exposed them to but half your trials. 

Friend Santillane, continued the minister, ponder no longer on the past ; con- 
sider yourself as to the very bone and marrow the king's ; live henceforth but 
for his service. Come this way ; I will instruct you in the nature of your busi- 
ness. He carried me into a little closet adjoining his own, which contained a 
score of thick folio registers. This is your workshop, said he. All these regis- 
ters compose an alphabetical peerage, giving the heraldry and history of all the 
nobility and gentry in the several kingdoms and principalities of the Spanish 
monarchy. In these volumes are recorded the services rendered to the state by 
the present possessors and their ancestors, descending even to the personal ani- 
mosities and rencounters of the individuals and their houses. Their fortunes, 
their manners, in a word, all the pros and cons of their character are set down 
according to the letter of ministerial scrutiny ; so that they no sooner enter 
on the list of court candidates, that my eye catches up the very chapter 
and verse of their pretensions. To furnish this necessary information, I 
have pensioned scouts everywhere on the look-out, who send me private no- 
tices of their discoveries ; but as these documents are for the most part drawn 
up in a gossiping and provincial style, they require to be translated into gentle- 
manly language, or the king would not be able to support the perusal of the 
registers. This task demands the pen of a polite and perspicuous writer ; I 
doubt not but you will justify your claim to the appointment. 

After this introduction, he put a memorial into my hand, taken from a large 
portfolio full of papers, and then withdrew from my closet, that my first speci- 



THE DUKE OF LERMA PLEASED WITH GIL EL AS. 281 

men might be manufactured in all the freedom of solitude. I read the me- 
morial, which was not only stuffed with a most uncouth jargon, but breathed 
a brimstone spirit of rancour and personal revenge. This was most foul, strange, 
and unnatural ! for the homily was written by a monk. He hacked and hewed 
a Catalan family of some note most unmercifully ; with what reason or truth, 
it must be reserved for a more penetrating inquirer to decide. It read for all 
the world like an infamous libel, and I had some scruples about becoming the 
publisher of the calumny; nevertheless, young as I was at court, I plunged 
head foremost, at the risk of sinking and destroying his reverence's soul. The 
wickedness, if there was any, would be put down to his running account with 
the recording angel ; I therefore had nothing to do but to vilify, in the purest 
Spanish phraseology, some two or three generations of honest men and loyal 
subjects. 

I had already blackened four or five pages, when the duke, impatient to 
know how I got on, came back and said— Santillane, shew me what you have 
done; I am curious to see it. At the same time, casting his eye over the 
transcript, he read the beginning with much attention. It seemed to please 
him ; strange that he could be so pleased ! Prepossessed as I have been in 
your favour, observed he, I must own that you have surpassed my expectations. 
It is not merely the elegance and distinctness of the handwriting ! There is 
something animated and glowing in the composition. You will do ample 
credit to my choice, and fully make up for the loss of your predecessor. He 
would not have cut my panegyric so short, if his nephew the Count de Lemos 
had not interrupted him in the middle of it. By the warmth and frequency of 
his excellency's welcome, it was evident that they were the best friends in the 
world. They were immediately closeted together on some family business, of 
which I shall speak in the sequel. The king's affairs at this time were obliged 
to play second to those of the minister. 

While they were caballing it struck twelve. As I knew that the secretaries 
and their clerks quitted office at that hour to go and dine wherever their busi- 
ness and desire should point them, I left my prize performance behind me, and 
went to the gayest tavern at the court end of the town, for I had nothing 
further to do with Monteser, who had paid my salary, and taken his leave of 
me. But a common eating-house would have been a very improper place for 
me to be seen in. "Consider yourself as to the very bone and marrow the 
king's." This metaphorical expression of the duke had given birth to a real 
and tangible ambition in my soul, which put forth shoots like a plantation in a 
fat and unvexed soil. 



Ch. III. — All is not gold that glitters. Some uneasiness resulting from the dis- 
covery of that principle in philosophy, and its practical application to existing 
circui7istances. 

I TOOK especial care, on my first entrance, to instil into the tavern-keeper's 
conception that I was secretary to the prime minister ; nor was it easy, in that 
view of my rank and consequence, to order anything sufficiently sumptuous for 
dinner. To have selected from the bill of fare, might have looked as if I de- 
scended to the meanness of calculation ; I therefore told him to send up the 
best the house afforded. My orders were punctually obeyed ; and the anxious 
assiduity of the attendance pampered my fancy as much as the dishes did my 
palate. As to the bill, I had nothing to do with it but to pay it. Down went 
a pistole upon the table, and the waiters pocketed the difference, which was 
somewhat more than a quarter. After this display of grandeur I strutted out, 



282 GIL BLAS. 



practising those obstreperous clearings of the throat which announce, by empty 
sound, the approach of" a substantial coxcomb. 

There was at the distance of twenty yards a large house with lodgings to let, 
principally frequented by foreign nobility. I rented at once a suite of apart- 
ments, consisting of five or six rooms elegantly furnished. From my style of 
living, any one would have thought I had two or three thousand ducats of 
yearly income. The first month was paid in advance. Afterwards I returned 
to business, and employed the whole afternoon in going on with what I had 
begun in the morning. In a closet adjoining mine there were two other secre- 
taries ; but their office was only to copy out fair. I got acquainted with them 
as we were shutting up for the evening ; and, by way of smoothing the first 
overtures towards friendship, invited them home with me to my tavern, where 
I ordered the choicest delicacies of the season, with a profusion of the most ex- 
quisite wines. 

We sat down to table, and began bandying about more merriment than 
wit ; for with all due deference to my guests, it was but too visible that they 
owed their official situations to any circumstance rather than to their abilities. 
They were adepts, it must be confessed, in all the histoiy and mystery of 
scrivening and clerkship ; but as for polite literature and university education, 
there was not even a suspicion of it in all their talk. 

To make amends for that defect, they had a keen eye to the main chance ; 
and though sensible how high an honour it was to be on the prime minister's 
establishment, there were some dashes of acid in the cup of good fortune. It 
is now full five months, said one of them, that we have been serving at our own 
cost. We do not touch one farthing of salary ; and, what is worst of all, our 
very board wages are shamefully in arrear. There is no knowing what footing 
we are upon. As for me, said the other, I would willingly be tied up to the 
halbert, and receive a per centage in lashes, for the liberty of changing my 
berth ; but I dare not either take myself off or petition for my discharge, after 
having transcribed such state secrets as have passed under my inspection. I 
might chance to become too well acquainted with the tower of Segovia or the 
castle of Alicant. 

How do you manage for a subsistence, then? said I. You must of course 
have means of your own. These they represented as very slender ; but that, 
fortunately for them, they lodged with a kind-hearted widow, who boarded 
them on tick, at the rate of a hundred pistoles a year for each. These anec- 
dotes of a court life, not one of which escaped me, completely ventilated all the 
rising fumes of pride. It could not be supposed that more consideration would 
be shewn to me than to others, and consequently there was nothing to be so 
puffed up with in my post ; there seemed to be much cry and little wool, a dis- 
covery which rendered it expedient to husband my finances with a narrower 
economy. A picture like this was enough to cure my taste for treating. I re- 
pented not having left these secretaries to find their own supper; for they 
played a most cruel knife and fork at mine! and, when the bill was brought, I 
squabbled with the landlord about the charges. ^ 

We parted at midnight ; and the early breaking vp was to be laid at my 
door ; for I did not propose another bottle. They went home to their widow, 
and I withdrew to my magnificent lodgings, which I was now mad with myself 
for having taken, and was fully determined to give up at the month's end. My 
bed of down was now converted into a couch of thorns ; sleep had abandoned 
his narcotic tenement, and sold the fee-simple of my repose to the demon of 
eternal wakefulness. The remainder of the night was passed in contriving not 
to serve the state too patriotically. For that purpose I bethought me of Mon- 
teser's good counsel. I got up with the intention of making my bow to Don 



GIL BLAS PA YS COURT TO SIGNOR CALDERONA. 283 

Rodrigo de Calderona. My present temper was just pat to the purpose of in- 
gratiating myself with so high and mighty a gentleman ; whose patronage was 
indispensable to my existence. I therefore presented my person in that secre- 
tary's ante-chamber. 

His apartments communicated with the duke's, and rivalled them in the 
lustre of their decorations. The field officer could scarcely be distinguished 
from the subaltern by any outward distinction in his paraphernalia. I sent in 
my name as Don Valerio's successor ; but that did not hinder me from being 
kept kicking my heels for a good hour. Trusty, but novice officer of the king, 
said I, while ruminating on court manners, learn a lesson of patience, if so 
please you. You must begin with shewing paces yourself, and afterwards 
make others bite the bridle. 

At length the door of the inner room opened. I went in, and advanced 
towards Don Rodrigo, who had just been writing an amorous epistle to his 
charming Siren, and was giving it to Pedrillo at that very moment. I had 
never manufactured my face and air into such a counterfeit of reverence before 
the Archbishop of Grenada, nor on my introduction to the Count de Galiano, 
nor even in presence of the prime minister himself : the crisis of my fawning 
was reserved for Signor de Calderona. I paid my respects to him with my 
body bent down to the very ground, as if crouching under the ken of a superior 
intelligence ; and solicited his protection in strains of humble hypocrisy, at 
which my cheek now burns with shame, to think that man can so debase him- 
self before his fellow-man. My servility would have recoiled to my own un- 
doing, had it been practised towards a compound of any manly and independent 
ingredients. As for this fellow, he swallowed flattery by the lump without 
mastication ; and assured me, just as if he meant what he said, that he would 
leave no stone unturned to do me service. 

Hereupon, thanking him with unlimited expressions of attachment for his 
kind and generous sentiments, I sold my very soul and all my little stock of 
conscience to his free disposal. But as this farce might be tiresome if prolonged, 
I took my leave, apologizing for having broken in upon his more serious avo- 
cations. As soon as I had finished this abominable scene, I slunk back to my 
desk, where I finished my prescribed task. The duke was at my elbow the 
next morning. The end of my performance was not less to his mind than the 
beginning ; and he praised it accordingly : This is extremely well indeed ! 
Copy this abridgment in your best hand into the register of Catalonia. You 
shall not want employment of this kind. I had a very long conversation with 
his excellency, and was delighted at his mild and familiar deportment. What 
a contrast to Calderona ! They might have sat to a painter for Pan and 
Apollo. 

To-day I dined at a cheap ordinary, and sunk the secretary upon my mess- 
mates, till I should ascertain what solid profit might accrue from all my bows 
and scrapes. I had funds for three months, or thereabouts. That interval I 
allowed myself for casting my bread upon the waters. But as the shortest 
speculations are the safest, if my salary was not paid by that time, a long fare- 
well to the court, its frippery, and its falsehood ! Thus were my plans arranged. 
For two months I laboured hard and fast to stand well with Calderona : but 
his senses were so callous to all my assiduity, that it seemed labour in vain to 
build on so hopeless a foundation. This idea produced a change in my con- 
duct. I left some greener fool to fumigate the nostrils of this idol ; and placed 
all my own dependence on making my ground sure with the duke, by the 
benefit of our frequent conferences. 



284 GIL BLAS. 



Ch. IV. — Gil Bias becomes a favourite with the Duke of Lerma, and the 
confidant of an i?7iporta?it secret 

Though his grace's interviews with me were short as the fleeting visions of 
supernatural communication, my turn and character won its way gradually into 
his excellency's good liking. One day after dinner, he said : Attend to me, 
Gil Bias. I really like you very much. You are a zealous, confidential lad, 
full of understanding and discretion. My trust cannot be misplaced in such 
hands. I threw myself at his feet, at the music of these words ; and kissing 
his outstretched hand, answered thus : Is it possible that your excellency can 
think so favourably of your servant ? What a host of enemies will such a pre- 
ference conjure up against me ! But Don Rodrigo is the only man whose privy 
grudge is formidable enough to alarm me. 

You have nothing to fear from that quarter, replied the duke. I know 
Calderona. He has loved me from his cradle. Every movement of his heart 
is in unison with mine. He cherishes whatever I love, and hates in exact pro- 
portion to my dislike. So far from being alarmed at his ill-will, you ought, on 
the contrary, to hug yourself on his peculiar partiality. This let me at once 
into the abysses of Don Rodrigo's character. He shuffled and cut the cards to 
his own deal, and paid his debts of honour out of his excellency's pool. One 
could not be too wary with this gentleman. 

To begin, pursued the duke, with a proof my thorough reliance on your 
faith, I will open to you a long-projected design. It is necessary for you to be 
informed of it, to qualify you for the commissions with which I shall hereafter 
have occasion to intrust to you. For a great length of time have I beheld my 
authority universally respected, my decisions implicitly adopted, places, pensions, 
governments, vice-royalties, and church preferments all awaiting my disposal. 
Without umbrage to my royal master, I may be said to be absolute in Spain. 
My individual fortunes can be pushed no higher. But I would willingly fix firm 
the structure I have raised ; for the storms are already beginning to beat about 
the citadel of my peace. My only safety must consist in nominating my 
nephew, the Count de Lemos, as my successor in the ministry. 

This profound courtier, observing my astonishment, went on thus. I see 
plainly, Santillane, I see plainly what surprises you. It seems strange and 
unaccountable that I should prefer my nephew to my own son, the Duke 
d'Uzeda. But you are to learn that this last has too narrow a genius to fill up 
my place in politics ; and there are other reasons why I set my face against him. 
He has found out the secret of making himself agreeable to the king, who 
wants him for his interior cabinet ; and back-stairs influence is what I cannot 
bear. Royal favour is a sort of political mistress ; exclusive possession is its 
only charm. The very existence of the passion is identified with inextinguishable 
jealousy ; nor can we the better endure to share the bliss, because our rival has 
been nursed in our own bosom. 

Thus do I lay bare the very recesses of my soul. I have already tried to 
ruin the Duke d'Uzeda with the king ; but having failed, am pointing my 
artillery towards another object. I am determined that the Count de Lemos 
shall stand first with the Prince of Spain. Being gentleman of his bedchamber, 
he has opportunities of talking with him continually ; and, besides that he has 
a winning manner with him, I know a sure method of enabling him to succeed 
in his entei prise. By this device, my nephew will be pitted against my son. 
The cousins harbouring unfavourable suspicions of each other, will both be 
forced to place themselves under my protection ; and the necessity of the case 
will render them submissive to my will. This is my project ; nor will your 



GIL BLAS AT COURT. 285 

assistance be of slender avail to its success. It is you whom I shall make the 
private channel of communication between the Count de Lemos and myself. 

After this confidence, which sounded for all the world like the clink of current 
coin, my mind was easy about the future. At length, said I, behold me taking 
shelter under Plutus's gutter ; the golden shower may drench me to the skin, 
before I shall cry hold, enough ! It is impossible that the bosom friend of a 
man, by whom the whole music of the political machine is tempered, should be 
left to thrum upon the discord of poverty. Full of these harmonious visions, 
my fifths and octaves were but little untuned by the sensible declension of my 
purse. 

Ch. V. — The joys, the honours, and the miseries of a court life, in the person 
of Gil Bias. 

The minister's growing partiality towards me was soon noticed. He displayed 
it ostentatiously, by committing his portfolio to my custody, which it was his 
habit to carry in his own hand when he went to council. This novelty causing 
me to be looked upon as a rising favourite, excited the envy of certain persons, 
so that I was preciously sprinkled with the hellish dew of court malevolence. 
My two neighbours the secretaries were not the last to compliment me on my 
budding honours, and invited me to supper at the widow's, not so much by way 
of returning my hospitality, as with an eye to business in the cultivation of my 
acquaintance. Parties were made for me everywhere. Even the haughty 
Don Rodrigo was cap-in-hand to me. He now called me nothing less than 
Signor de Santillane, though the moon had scarcely changed her face since he 
thee'd and thou'd me, without ever bethinking him that he was talking to some- 
thing above a pauper. He heaped me up and pressed me down with civilities, 
especially within eyeshot of our common patron. But the fool was wiser than 
to be caught with chaff. The good breeding of my returns was nicely propor- 
tioned to my thorough detestation of my humble servant : a rascal who had 
lived in court all his life could not have played the rascal better than I did. 

I likewise accompanied my lord duke when he had an audience of the king, 
which was usually three times a day. In the morning he went into his majesty's 
chamber as soon as he was awake. There he dropped down on his marrow- 
bones by the bed-side, talked over what was to be done in the course of the 
day, and put into the royal mouth the speeches the royal tongue was to make. 
He then withdrew. After dinner he came back again ; not for state affairs, 
but for what, what? and a little gossip. He was well instructed in all the 
tittle-tattle of Madrid, which was sold to him at the earliest of the season. 
Lastly, in the evening he saw the king again for the third time, put whatever 
colour he pleased on the transactions of the day, and, as a matter of course, 
requested his instructions for the morrow. While he was with the king, I kept 
in the ante-chamber, where people of the first quality, sinking that they might 
rise, threw themselves in the way of my observation, and thought the day not 
lost if I had deigned to exchange a few words of common civility with them. 
Was it to be wondered at, if my self-importance fattened upon such food ? 
There are many folks at court, who stalk about on stilts of much frailer 
materials. 

One day my vanity was still moi-e highly pampered. The king, to whom 
the duke had puffed off my style, was curious to see a sample of it. His excel- 
lency made me bring the register of Catalonia and myself into the royal pre- 
sence ; telling me to read the first memorial I had digested. If so catholic a 
critic overpowered my modesty at first, the minister's encouragement recalled 
my scattered spirits, and I read with good tone and emphasis what his majesty 



286 GIL BLAS. 



deigned to hear with some symptoms of approbation. He spoke handsomely 
of my performance, and recommended my fortunes to the special care of his 
minister. My humility was not the greater for the augmentation of my conse- 
quence ; and a particular conversation some days afterwards with the Count de 
Lemos swelled high the spring tide of all my ambitious anticipations. 

I waited on that nobleman from his uncle at the Prince of Spain's court, and 
presented credentials from the duke, directing him to deal unreservedly with 
me, as with a man who was embarked in their design and selected by himself 
exclusively as their go-between. The count then took me to a room, where he 
locked the door, and then spoke as follows : Since you are confidential with 
the Duke of Lerma, I doubt not you deserve to be so, and shall unbosom my- 
self to you without hesitation. You are to know that matters go on just as we 
could wish. The Prince of Spain distinguishes me above the most assiduous of 
his courtiers. I had a private conversation with him this morning, wherein he 
expressed some disgust at being restrained by the king's avarice from following 
the inclinations of his liberal heart, and living on a scale befitting his august 
rank. On this head I chimed in with his regrets ; and taking advantage of the 
opportunity, promised to carry him a thousand pistoles early to-morrow morning, 
as an earnest of larger sums with which I have engaged to feed his necessities 
forthwith. He was in ecstasy at my promises ; and I am certain of securing 
his grace and favour in tail, if I can but fulfil my engagement. Acquaint my 
uncle with these particulars, and come back in the evening with his sentiments 
on the subject. 

I left the Count de Lemos with the last words still quivering on his lips, and 
went back to the Duke of Lerma, who, on my report, sent to ask Calderona 
for a thousand pistoles, which he charged me to carry to the count in the evening. 
Away went I on my errand, muttering to myself — So, so ! now I have disco- 
vered the minister's infallible receipt for the cure of all evils. Faith and troth, 
he is in the right ; and to all appearance he may draw as copiously as he 
pleases from the spring, without exhausting the source. I can easily guess what 
bag those pistoles come from ; but after all, is it not the order of nature that the 
parent should nurture and maintain the child ? The Count de Lemos, at our 
parting, said to me in a low voice — Farewell, my good and worthy friend. The 
Prince of Spain has a little hankering after the women ; we must have a little 
conversation on that subject one of these days ; I foresee that your agency will 
be very applicable on that head. I returned with my head full of this last hint, 
which it was impossible to misinterpret. Neither did I wish to do so, for it 
suited my talents to a nicety. What the devil is to happen next ? said I. Be- 
hold me on the point of becoming pimp to the heir of the monarchy. Whether 
pimping was a virtue or a vice, I did not stop to inquire : the coarse surtout 
of morality would have worn but shabbily while the passions of so exalted a 
gallant were in the glare and glow of all their newest gloss. What a promotion 
for me to be the provider of pleasure to a great prince ! Fair and softly, Mas- 
ter Gil Bias, some one may say : after all, you will be but second minister. 
May be so ; but at bottom the honour of both these posts is equal.; the differ- 
ence lies in the profit only. 

While executing these honourable commissions, and getting forward daily in 
the good graces of the prime minister, what a happy being should I have been, 
if statesmen were born with a set of intestines to turn the cameleon's diet into 
chyle ! It was more than two months since I had got rid of my grand lodging, 
and had taken up my quarters in a little room scarcely good enough for a bank- 
er's clerk. Though this was not quite as it should be, yet since I went out betimes 
in the morning, and never returned at night before bed-time, there was not much 
to quarrel about on that score. All day I was the hero of my own stage, or 



GIL BLAS IN DISTRESSED CIRCUMSTANCES. 287 

rather of the duke's. It was a principal part that I was playing. But when I 
retired from this brilliant theatre to my own cockloft, the great lord vanished, 
and poor Gil Bias was left behind, without a royal image in his pocket, and what 
was worse, without the means of conjuring up his glorious resemblance. Be- 
sides that it would have wounded my pride to have divulged my necessities, 
there was not a creature of my acquaintance who could have assisted me but 
Navarro, and him I had too palpably neglected since my introduction at court, 
to venture on soliciting his benevolence. I had been obliged to sell my ward- 
robe article by article. There was nothing more left than was absolutely neces- 
sary to make a decent appearance. I no longer went to the ordinary, because 
I had no longer wherewithal to pay my score. How then did I make shift to 
keep body and soul together ? There was every morning, in our offices, a scanty 
breakfast set out, consisting of a little bread and wine ; this was the whole of 
our commons on the minister's establishment. I never knew what it was to 
exceed this stint during the day, and at night I most frequently went supperless 
to bed. 

Such was the fare of a man who made a splendid figure at court ; but his 
illustrious fortunes, like those of other courtiers, were more a subject of pity than 
of grudge. I could no longer resist the pressure of my circumstances, and ulti- 
mately resolved on their disclosure at a seasonable opportunity. By good luck 
such an occasion offered at the Escurial, whither the king and the Prince of 
Spain removed some days afterwards. 

Ch. VI. — Gil Bias gives the Duke of Lerma a hint of his wretched condition. 
That tninister deals with him accordingly. 

When the king kept his court at the Escurial, all the world was at free quarters : 
under such easy circumstances I did not feel where the saddle galled. My bed 
was in a wardrobe near the duke's chamber. One morning that minister, having 
got up according to his cursed custom at daybreak, made me take my writing 
apparatus, and follow him into the palace gardens. We went and sat down 
under an avenue of trees ; myself, as he would have it, in the posture of a man 
writing on the crown of his hat ; his attitude was with a paper in his hand, and 
any one would have supposed he had been reading. At some distance, we 
must have looked as if the scale of Europe was to turn upon our decision ; but 
between ourselves, who partook of it, the talk was miserably trifling. 

For more than an hour had I been tickling his excellency's fancy with all the 
conceits, engendered by a merry nature and an eccentric course of life, when 
two magpies perched on the trees above us. Their clack and clatter was so ob- 
streperous, as to force our attention whether we would or no. These birds, 
said the duke, seem to be in dudgeon with one another. I should like to learn 
the cause of their quarrel. My lord, said I, your curiosity reminds me of an 
Indian story in Pilpay or some other fabulist. The minister insisted on the 
particulars, and I related them in the following terms : 

There reigned in Persia a good monarch, who not being blessed with capaci- 
ties of sufficient compass to govern his dominions in his own person, left the 
care of them to his grand vizier. That minister, whose name was Atalmuc, 
was possessed of first-rate talents. He supported the weight of that unwieldy 
monarchy, without sinking under the burden. He preserved it in profound 
peace. His art consisted in uniting the love of the royal authority with the 
reverence of it ; while the people at large looked up to the vizier as to an af- 
fectionate father, though a devoted servant of his prince. Atalmuc had a young 
Cachemirian among his secretaries, by name Zeangir, to whom he was particu- 
larly attached. He took pleasure in his conversation, invited him frequently to 



288 GIL BLAS. 



to the chase, and opened to him his most secret thoughts. One day as they 
were hunting together 'in a wood, the vizier, at the croaking of two ravens on a 
tree, said to his secretary — I should like to know what those birds are talking 
about in their jargon. My lord, answered the Cachemirian, your wishes may be 
fulfilled. Indeed ! How so ? replied Atalmuc. Because, rejoined Zeangir, a 
dervise read in many mysteries, has taught me the language of birds. If you 
wish it, I will lay my ear close to these, and will repeat to you word for word 
whatever they may happen to say. 

The vizier agreed to the proposal. The Cachemirian got near the ravens, 
and affected to suck in their discourse. Then, returning to his master, My lord, 
said he, would you believe it ? We are ourselves the topic of their talk. Im- 
possible ! exclaimed the Persian minister. Prithee now, what do they say of 
us ? One of the two, replied the secretary, spoke thus : Here he is, the very 
man ; the grand vizier Atalmuc, the guardian eagle of Persia, hovering over her 
like the parent bird over its nest, watching without intermission for the safety of 
its brood. For the purpose of unbending from his wearisome toils, he is hunt- 
ing in this wood with his faithful Zeangir. How happy must that secretary be, 
to serve so partial and indulgent a master ! Fair and softly, observed the other 
raven shrewdly, fair and softly ! Make not too much parade about that Cache- 
mirian's happiness. Atalmuc, it is true, talks and jokes familiarly with him, 
honours him with his confidence, and may very possibly intend to signalize his 
friendship by a lucrative post ; but between the cup and the lip Zeangir may 
perish with thirst. The poor devil lodges in a ready-furnished apartment, 
where there is not an article of furniture for his use. In a word, he leads a 
starving life, with all the paraphernalia of a plump-fed courtier. The grand 
vizier never troubles his head about inquiring into the right or wrong of his 
affairs ; but satisfied with empty good wishes towards him, leaves his favourite 
within, the ruthless gripe of poverty. 

I stopped here, to see how the Duke of Lerma would take it ; and he asked 
me with a smile what effect the fable had produced on the mind of Atalmuc ; 
and whether jthe grand vizier had not felt a little offended at the secretary's pre- 
sumption. No, my noble lord, answered I, with some little embarrassment at 
the question ; historians say that his ingenuity was amply rewarded. He was 
more lucky than discreet, replied the duke with a serious air ; there are some 
ministers who would esteem it no joke to be lectured at that rate. But the 
king will not be long before he is getting up ; my duty demands my attendance. 
After this hint he walked off with hasty strides towards the palace without 
throwing away a word more upon me, and to all appearance in high dudgeon 
at my Indian parable. 

I followed him up to the very door of his majesty's chamber, and went thence 
to arrange my papers in the places whence they had been taken. Then I en- 
tered a closet where our two copying secretaries. were at work; for they also 
were of the migratory party. What is the matter with you, Signor de Santillane ? 
said they at the sight of me. You are quite down in the mouth ! Has any- 
thing untoward happened ? 

I was too much mortified at the ill success of my narrative, to be cautious in 
the expression of my grief. On the recital of what had passed with the duke, 
they sympathized in my disappointment. You have some reason to fret, said 
one of them. Heaven grant you may be better treated than a secretary of 
Cardinal Spinosa. This unlucky secretaiy, tired of working for fifteen months 
without pay, took the liberty of representing his necessities to his Eminence one 
afternoon, and of asking for a little money towards his subsistence. It is very 
proper, said the minister, that you should be paid. Here, pursued he, putting 
into his hands an order on the royal treasury for a thousand ducats ; go and re- 



GIL BLAS RECEIVES HIS SALARY. 



ceive that sum ; but take notice at the same time that it balances accounts be- 
tween us. The secretary would have pocketed his thousand ducats without 
remorse, had the thousand ducats been tangible, and the liberty of changing 
services secure ; but just as he stepped down from the cardinal's threshold, he 
was tapped on the shoulder by an alguazil, and carried away to the tower of 
Segovia, where he has been a prisoner for a length of time. 

This little historical anecdote set my teeth chattering. All was lost and gone ! 
There was no comfort from within nor from without ! My own impatience had 
been my ruin ! just as if I had not borne starving, till patience could avail no 
longer. Alas ! said I, wherefore must I have blurted out that ill-starred fable, 
which went so much against the grain of the minister ? He might have been 
just on the point of extricating me from all my miseries ; it might have been the 
moment of that tide in the affairs of men, which sets in for sudden and enormous 
elevation. What wealth, what honours have slipped through the fingei-s by my 
blunder ! I ought to have been aware that great folks do not love to be fore- 
stalled, but require the common privileges of elementary subsistence to be re- 
ceived as favours at their hands. It would have been more prudent to have 
kept my lenten entertainment longer without bothering the duke about it, and 
even to have died with hunger, that he might be blamed for letting me. 

Supposing any hope to have remained, my master, when I saw him after din- 
ner, put an extinguisher over it at once. He was very serious with me, con- 
trary to his usual custom, and spoke scarcely at all ; an omen of dire dismay for 
the remainder of the evening. The night did not pass more tranquilly : the 
chagrin of seeing my agreeable illusions vanish, and the fear of swelling the 
calendar of state prisoners, left no room but for sighs and lamentations. 

The following was the critical day. The duke sent for me in the morning. 
I went into his chamber, with the ague fit of a criminal before his judge. San- 
tillane, said he, showing me a paper in his hand, take this order I shud- 
dered at the word order,, and said within myself : Oh heaven ! here is the 
Cardinal Spinosa over again ; the carriage is ordered out for Segovia. Such 
was my alarm at this moment, that I interrupted the minister, and throwing 
myself at his feet, May it please your lordship, said I, bathed in tears, I most 
humbly beseech your excellency to forgive me for my boldness ; necessity alone 
impelled me to acquaint you with my wretched circumstances. 

The duke could not help laughing at my distress. Be comforted, Gil Bias, 
answered he, and hearken attentively. Though by betraying your necessities a 
reproach lights upon me for not having prevented them, I do not take it ill, my 
friend. I rather ought to be angry with myself for not having inquired how you 
were going on. But to begin making amends for my want of attention, there is 
an order on the royal treasury for fifteen hundred ducats, payable at sight. This 
is not all ; I promise you the same sum annually ; and moreover, when people 
of rank and substance shall solicit your interest, I have no objection to your ad- 
dressing me on their behalf. 

In the excess of joy occasioned by such tidings, I kissed the feet of the minis- 
ter, who, having commanded me to rise, continued in familiar conversation. I 
endeavoured to rally my free and easy humour ; but the transition, from sorrow 
to rapture was too instantaneous to be natural. I felt as comical as a culprit, 
with a pardon singing in his ears, just when he was on the point of being launch- 
ed into eternity. My master attributed all my flurry to the sole dread of having 
offended him ; though the fear of perpetual imprisonment had its share of influence 
on my nerves. He owned that he had affected to look cool, to see whether I 
should be hurt at the alteration ; that thereby he formed his opinion with re- 
spect to the liveliness of my attachment to his person, and that his own regard 
for me would always be proportionate. 



290 GIL BLAS. 



Ch. VII. — A good use made of the fifteen hundred ducats. A first introduction 
to the trade of office, and an account of the profit accruing therefrom. 

The king, as if on purpose to play into the hands of my impatience, returned 
to Madrid the very next day. I flew like a harpy to the royal treasury, where 
they paid me down upon the nail the sum drawn for in my order. Ambition 
and vanity now obtained complete empire over my soul. My paltry lodging 
was fit only for secretaries of an inferior cast, unpractised in the mysterious 
language of birds ; for which reason, my grand suite of apartments fortunately 
being vacant, I engaged them for the second time. My next business was to 
send for an eminent tailor, who arrayed the pretty persons of all the fine gen- 
tlemen in town. He took my measure, and then introduced me to a draper, 
who sold me five ells of cloth, the exact quantity, as he said, to make a suit for 
a man of my size. Five ells for a light Spanish dress ! Whither did this draper 
and tailor expect to go ? ... . But we must not be uncharitable. Tailors who 
have a reputation to support require more materials for the exercise of their 
genius than the vulgar snippers of the shopboard. I then bought some linen, 
of which I was very bare ; an assortment of silk stockings, and a laced hat. 

With such an equipage, there was no doing without a footman ; so that I 
desired Vincent Ferrero, my landlord, to look out for one. Most of the foreigners 
who were recommended to his lodgings, on their arrival at Madrid, were wont 
to hire Spanish servants ; and this was the means of turning his house into a 
register office. The first who offered was a lad of so mortified and devotional 
an aspect, that I would have nothing to say to him ; he put me in mind of Am- 
brose de Lamela. I am quite out of conceit, said I to Ferrero, with these pious 
coat-brushers ; I have been taken in by them already. 

I had scarcely turned virtue in a livery out of doors, when another came up- 
stairs. This seemed to be a good sprightly fellow, with as little mock modesty 
as if he had been bred at court, and a certain something about him which indi- 
cated that he did not carry principle to any dangerous excess. He was just to 
my mind. His answers to my questions were pat and to the purpose : he evinced 
a talent for intrigue beyond my most sanguine hopes. This was exactly the 
subject for my purpose ; so I fixed him at once. Neither had I any reason to 
repent of my bargain ; for it was very soon evident that further off I must have 
fared worse. As the duke had allowed me to solicit on behalf of my friends, and 
it was my design to push that permission to the utmost, a staunch hound was 
necessary to put up the game ; or in phrase familiar to dull capacities, an active 
chap, with a turn for routing out and bringing to my market all palm-tickling 
petitioners for the loaves and fishes of the prime minister. This was just where 
Scipio shone most ; for my servant's name was Scipio. He had lived last with 
Donna Anna de Guevara, the Prince of Spain's nurse, where he had ample 
scope for the exercise of that accomplishment. 

As soon as he became acquainted with my credit at court and the use to 
which I meant to put it, he took the field like his great ancestors, and began the 
campaign without the loss of a day. Master, said he, a yoimg gentleman of 
Grenada is just come to Madrid ; his name is Don Roger de Rada. He has 
been engaged in an affair of honour which compels him to throw himself on the 
Duke of Lerma's protection, and he is well disposed to come down hand- 
somely for any grace and favour he may obtain. I have talked with him on the 
subject. He had a mind to have made friends with Don Rodrigo de Calderona, 
whose influence had been represented to him in magnificent terms : but I dis- 
suaded him, by pointing out that secretary's method of selling his good offices 
for more than their weight in gold ; whereas, on the contrary, you would be 
satisfied with any decent expression of gratitude for yours, and would even do 



HISTORY OF DON ROGER DE RAD A. 291 

the business for the mere pleasure of doing it, if you were in circumstances to 
follow the bent of your own generous and disinterested temper. In short, I 
talked to him in such a strain, that you will see the gentleman early to-morrow 
morning. How is all this, Master Scipio ? said I. You must have transacted 
a great deal of business in a short time. You are no novice in back-stairs in- 
fluence. It is very strange that you have not feathered your own nest. That 
ought not to surprise you at all, answered he. I love to make money circulate ; 
not to hoard it up. 

Don Roger de Rada came according to his appointment. I received him 
with a mixture of courtly plausibility and ministerial pride. My worthy sir, 
said I, before I engage in your interests, I wish to know the nature of the affair 
which brings you to court ; because it may be such as to preclude me from 
speaking to the minister in your favour. Give me, therefore, if you please, the 
particulars faithfully, and rest assured that I shall enter warmly into your in- 
terests, if they are proper to be espoused by a man who moves in my sphere. 
My young client promised to be sincere in his representation, and began his 
narrative in the following words. 

Ch. VIII. — History of Don Roger de Rada. 

Don Anastasio de Rada, a gentleman of Grenada, was living happily in the 
town of Antequeia, with Donna Estephania his wife, who united every charm 
of person and mind with the most unquestionable virtue. If her affection was 
lively towards her husband, his love for her was violent beyond all bounds. He 
was naturally prone to jealousy ; and though wantonness could never assume 
such a semblance as his wife's, his thoughts were not quite at rest upon the sub- 
ject. He was apprehensive lest some secret enemy to his repose might make 
some attempt upon his honour. His eye was turned askance upon all his friends, 
except Don Huberto de Hordales, who frequented the house without suspicion 
in quality of Estephania's cousin, and was the only man in whom he ought not 
to hav% confided. 

Don Huberto did actually fall in love with his cousin, and ventured to make 
his sentiments known, in contempt of consanguinity and the ties of friendship. 
The lady, who was considerate, instead of making an outcry which might have 
led to fatal consequences, reproved her kinsman gently, represented to him the 
extreme criminality of attempting to seduce her and dishonour her husband, 
and told him very seriously that he must not flatter himself with the most dis- 
tant hope. 

This moderation only inflamed the seducer's appetite the more. Taking it 
for granted that, as a woman who had been accustomed to save appearances, 
she only wanted to be more strongly urged, he began to adopt little freedoms 
of more warmth than delicacy ; and had the assurance one day to put the ques- 
tion home to her. She repulsed him with unbridled indignation, and threat- 
ened to refer the punishment of his offence to Don Anastasio. Her suitor, 
alarmed at such an intimation, promised to drop the subject j and Estephania 
in the candour of her soul forgave him for the past. 

Don Huberto, a man totally devoid of principle, could not feel his passion to 
be foiled, without entertaining a mean spirit of revenge. He knew the weak 
side of Don Anastasio's temper. This was enough to engender the blackest de- 
sign that ever scoundrel plotted. One evening as he was walking alone with 
this misguided husband, he said with an air of extreme uneasiness : My dear 
friend, I can no longer live without unburdening my mind ; and yet I would be 
for ever silent, but that you value honour far above a treacherous repose. 
Your acute feelings and my own, on points which concern domestic injuries, 



292 GIL BLAS. 



forbid me to conceal what is passing in your family. Prepare to hear what will 
occasion you as much grief as astonishment. I am going to wound you in the 
tenderest part. 

I know what you mean, interrupted Don Anastasio, in the first burst of agony; 
your cousin is unfaithful. I no longer acknowledge her for my cousin, replied 
Hordales with impassioned vehemence ; I disown her, as unworthy to share my 
friend's embraces. This is keeping me too long upon the rack, exclaimed Don 
Anastasio : say on, what has Estephania done ? She has betrayed you, replied 
Don Huberto. You have a rival to whom she listens in private, but I cannot 
give you his name ; for the adulterer, under favour of impenetrable darkness, 
has escaped the ken of those who watched him. All I know is, that you are 
duped : of that fact I am well assured. My own share in the disgrace is a suf- 
ficent pledge of my veracity. Her infidelity must be palpable indeed, when I 
turn Estephania's accuser. 

It is to no purpose, continued he, watching the successful impression of his 
discourse, it is to no purpose to discuss the subject further. I perceive your in- 
dignation at the treacherous requital of your love, and your thoughts all aiming 
at a just revenge. Take your own course. Heed not in what relation to you 
your victim may stand : but convince the whole city that there is no earthly 
being whom you would not sacrifice to your honour. 

Thus did the traitor exasperate a too credulous husband against an innocent 
wife; depicting in such glowing colours the infamy in which he would be 
plunged if he left the insult unpunished, as to heighten his anger into madness. 
Behold Don Anastasio, with his mind completely overtm-ned ; as if goaded by 
the furies. He returned homewards with the frantic design of murdering his 
ill-fated wife. She was just going to bed when he came in. He kept his pas- 
sion under for a time, and waited till the attendants had withdrawn. Then, 
unrestrained by the fear of vengeance from above, by the vulgar scorn which 
must recoil upon an honourable family, by natural affection for his unborn child, 
since his wife was near her time, he approached his victim, and said to her in a 
furious tone of voice : Now is your hour to die, wretch as you are ! 0»e mo- 
ment only is your own, which my relenting pity leaves you to make your peace 
with heaven. I would not that your soul should perish eternally, though your 
earthly honour is for ever lost. 

At these words he drew his dagger. Estephania, just speechless with terror, 
throwing herself at his feet, besought him with uplifted hands and inarticulate 
agony, to tell her why he raised his arm against her life. If he suspected her 
fidelity, she called heaven to attest her innocence. 

In vain, in vain, replied the infuriated murderer ; your treason is but too well 

proved. My information is not to be contradicted : Don Huberto Ah ! 

my lord, interrupted she with eager haste, you must hold your trust aloof from 
Don Huberto. He is less your friend than you imagine. If he has said aught 
against my virtue, believe him not. Restrain that infamous tongue, replied Don 
Anastasio. By appealing against Hordales, you condemn yourself. You would 
ruin your relation in my esteem, because he is acquainted with your misconduct. 
You would invalidate his evidence against you ; but the artifice is palpable, and 
only whets my appetite for vengeance. My dear husband, rejoined the innocent 
Estephania, while her tears flowed in torrents, beware of this blind rage. If 
you follow its instigation, you will perpetrate a deed for which you will hate 
yourself, when convinced of its injustice. In the name of heaven, compose your 
disordered spirits. At least give me time to clear up your suspicions ; you will 
then deal candidly by a wife who has nothing to reproach herself with. 

Any other than Don Anastasio would have been touched by her pleadings, 
and still more by her agonizing affliction ; but the barbarian, far from being 



HISTORY OF DON ROGER DE RAD A. 293 

softened, ordered the lady once again to recommend herself briefly to mercy, 
and lifted his arm to strike the blow. Hold, inhuman as you are ! cried she. 
If your love for me is as if it had never been, if my lavish fondness in return is all 
blotted from your memory, if my tears have no eloquence to disarm your hellish 
purpose, have some pity on your own blood. Launch not your frantic hand 
against an innocent, who has not yet breathed this vital air. You cannot be its 
executioner without the curse of heaven and earth. As for myself, I can for- 
give my murderer ; but the butcher of his own child, think deeply of it, must 
pay the dreadful forfeit of so detestable a deed. 

Determined as Don Anastasio was to pay no attention to anything Estephania 
could say, he could not help being affected by the frightful images these last 
words presented to his soul. Wherefore, as if apprehensive lest nature should 
play the traitress to revenge, he hastened to make sure of his staggering resolves, 
and plunged his dagger into her bosom. She fell motionless on the ground. 
He thought her dead ; and on that supposition left his house immediately to be 
no more seen at Antequera. 

In the mean time, the unhappy victim of groundless suspicion was so stunned 
with the blow she had received, as to remain for a short interval on the ground 
without any signs of life. Afterwards, coming to herself, she brought an old 
female servant to her assistance by her plaints and lamentations. That good 
old woman, beholding her mistress in so deplorable a state, waked the whole 
household and even the neighbourhood by her cries. The room was soon filled 
with spectators. Surgical assistance was sent for. The wound was probed, 
and pronounced not to be mortal. Their opinion turned out to be correct ; 
for Estephania soon recovered, and was in due time delivered of a son, not- 
withstanding the cruel circumstances in which she had been placed. That 
son, Signor Gil Bias, you behold in me : I am the fruit of that dreadful 
pregnancy. 

Women, when chaste as ice, when pure as snow, seldom escape calumny : 
this plague, however, though virtue's dowry, did not alight upon my mother. 
The bloody scene passed in common fame for the transport of a jealous hus- 
band. My father, it is true, bore the character of a passionate man, prone to 
kindle into fury on the slightest occasion. Hordales could not but suppose that 
his kinswoman must suspect him of having sown wild fancies in the mind of 
Don Anastasio ; so that he satisfied himself with this imperfect relish of revenge, 
and ceased to importune her. But, not to be tedious, I shall pass over the 
detail of my education. Suffice it to say, that my principal exercise was fencing, 
which I practised regularly in the most famous schools of Grenada and Seville. 
My mother waited with impatience till I was of age to measure swords with 
Don Huberto, that she might instruct me in the grounds of her complaint 
against him. In my eighteenth year she submitted her cause to my arbitre- 
ment, not without floods of tears, and every symptom of the deepest anguish. 
What must not a son feel, if he has the spirit and the heart of a son, at the 
sight of a mother in such distressing circumstances ? I went immediately and 
called out Hordales ; our place of meeting was private as it should be ; we 
fought long and furiously ; three of my thrusts took place, and I threw him to 
the ground, like a dead dog despised. 

Don Huberto, feeling his wound to be mortal, fixed his last looks upon me, 
and declared that he met his death at my hands as a just punishment for his 
tseason against my mother's honour. He owned that in revenge for the pangs 
of despised love he had resolved on her ruin. Thus did he breathe his last, 
imploring pardon from heaven, from Don Anastasio, from Estephania, and 
from myself. I deemed it imprudent to return home and acquaint my mother 
of the issue ; fame was sure to perform that office for me. I passed the 



294 GIL BLAS. 



mountains, and repaired to Malaga, where I embarked on board a privateer. 
My outside not altogether indicating cowardice, the captain consented at once 
to enrol me among his crew. 

We were not long before we went into action. Near the island of Alboutan, 
a corsair of Millila fell in with us, on his return towards the African coast with a 
Spanish vessel richly laden, taken off Carthagena. We attacked the African 
briskly, and made ourselves masters of both ships, with eighty Christians on 
board, going as slaves to Barbary. Afterwards, availing ourselves of a wind 
direct for the coast of Grenada, we shortly arrived at Punta de Helena. 

While we were inquiring into the birth-place and condition of our rescued 
captives, a man about fifty, of prepossessing aspect, fell under my examination. 
He stated himself, with a sigh, to belong to Antequera. My heart palpitated, 
without my knowing why ; and my emotion, too strong to pass unnoticed, ex- 
cited a visible sympathy in him. I avowed myself his townsman, and asked his 
family name. Alas ! answered he, your curiosity makes my sorrow flow afresh. 
Eighteen years ago did I leave my home, where my remembrance is coupled 
with scenes of blood and horror. You must yourself have heard but too much 
of my story. My name is Don Anastasio de Rada. Merciful heaven ! ex- 
claimed I, may I believe my senses ? And can this be Don Anastasio ? 
Father ! What is it you say, young man ? exclaimed he in his turn, with sur- 
prise and agitation equal to my own. Are you that ill-fated infant, still in its 
mother's womb, when I sacrificed her to my fury ? Yes, said I ; none other did 
the virtuous Estephania bring into the world, after the fatal night when you 
left her weltering in her own blood. 

Don Anastasio stifled my words in his embraces. For a quarter of an hour 
we could only mingle our inarticulate sighs and exclamations. After exhausting 
our tender recollections, and indulging in the wild expression of our feelings, my 
father lifted his eyes to heaven, in gratitude for Estephania saved ; but the 
next moment, as if doubtful of his bliss, he demanded by what evidence his 
wife's innocence had been cleared. Sir, answered I, none but yourself ever 
doubted it. Her conduct has been uniformly spotless. You must be unde- 
ceived. Know that Don Huberto was a traitor. In proof of this I unfolded 
all his perfidy, the vengeance I had taken, and his own confession before he 
expired. 

My father was less delighted at his liberty restored than at these happy 
tidings. In the forgetfulness of ecstacy, he repeated all his former transports. 
His approbation of me was ardent and entire. Come, my son, said he. let us 
set out for Antequera. I burn with impatience to throw myself at the feet of a 
wife whom I have treated so unworthily. Since you have brought me acquaint- 
ed with my own injustice, my heart has been torn by remorse. 

I was too eager to bring together a couple so near and dear to me, not to 
expedite our journey as much as possible. I quitted the privateer, and with 
my share of prize-money bought two mules at Adra, my father not choosing 
again to incur the hazard of a voyage. He found leisure on the road to relate 
his adventures, which I inclined to hear as seriously as did the Prince of 
Ithaca the various recitals of the king his father. At length, after several days, 
we halted at the foot of a mountain near Antequera. Wishing to reach home 
privately, we went not into the town till midnight. 

You may guess my mother's astonishment at beholding a husband whom 
she had thought for ever lost ; and the almost miraculous circumstances of his 
restoration were a second source of wonder. He entreated forgiveness for his 
barbarity with marks of repentance so lively, that she could not but be moved. 
Instead of looking on him as a murderer, she only saw the man to whose will 
high heaven had subjected her; such religion is there in the name of husband 



THE EMOLUMENTS OF OFFICE. 295 

to a virtuous wife ! Estephania had been so alarmed about me, that my return 
filled her with rapture. But her joy on this account was not without alleviation. 
A sister of Hordales had instituted a criminal prosecution against her brother's 
antagonist. The search for me was hot, so that my mother, considering home 
as insecure, was painfully anxious about me. It was therefore necessary to set 
out that very night for court, whither I come to solicit my pardon, and hope to 
obtain it by your generous intercession with the prime minister. 

The gallant son of Don Anastasio thus closed his narrative ; after which I 
observed, with a self-sufficient physiognomy : It is well, Signor Don Roger ; 
the offence seems to me to be venial. I will undertake to lay the case before his 
excellency, and may venture to promise you his protection. The thanks my 
client lavished would have passed in at one ear and "out at the other, if they had 
not been backed by assurances of more substantial gratitude. But when once 
that string was touched, every nerve and fibre of my frame vibrated in unison. 
On the very same day did I relate the whole story to the duke, who allowed 
me to present the gentleman, and addressed him thus : Don Roger, I have 
been informed of the duel which has brought you to court ; Santillane has laid 
all the particulars before me. Make yourself perfectly easy : you have done 
nothing but what the circumstances of the case might almost warrant ; 
and it is especially on the ground of wounded honour, that his Majesty is best 
pleased to extend his grace and favour. You must be committed for mere 
form's sake ; but you may depend on it, your confinement shall be of short 
duration. In Santillane you have a zealous friend, who will watch over your 
interests, and hasten your release. 

Don Roger paid his respectful acknowledgments to the minister, on whose 
pledge he went and surrendered himself. His pardon was soon made out, 
owing to my activity. In less than ten days, I sent this modern Telemachus 
home, to say "how do you do ?" to his Ulysses and Penelope; had he stood 
upon the merits of his case without a protector, he might have whined out a 
year's imprisonment, and scarcely have got off at last. My commission was 
but a poor hundred pistoles. It was no very magnificent haul ; but I was not 
as yet a Calderona, to turn up my nose at the small fry. 

Ch. IX. — Gil Bias makes a large fortune in a short time, and behaves like other 
wealthy upstarts. 

This affair gave me a relish for my trade ; and ten pistoles to Scipio by way 
of brokerage, whetted his eagerness to start more game of the same sort. I 
have already done justice to his talents that way ; he might as modestly have 
appended "the great" to the tail of his name, as the most noted scoundrel of 
antiquity. The second customer he brought me was a printer, who manu- 
factured Iwoks of chivalry, and had made his fortune by waging war against 
common sense. This printer had pirated a work belonging to a brother 
printer, and his edition had been seized. For three hundred ducats I rescued 
his copies out of jeopardy, and saved him from a heavy fine. Though this was 
a transaction beneath the prime minister's notice, his excellency condescended 
at my request to interpose his authority. After the printer, a merchant passed 
through my hands ; the occasion was thus : A Portuguese vessel had been 
taken by a Barbary corsair, and re-taken by a privateer from Cadiz. Two- 
thirds of the cargo belonged to a merchant at Lisbon, who, having claimed his 
due to no purpose, came to the court of Spain in search of a protector, with 
sufficient credit to procure him restitution. I took up his- cause, and he re- 
covered his property, deducting the sum of four hundred pistoles, paid to me in 
consideration of my disinterested zeal for justice. 



296 GIL BLAS. 



And now most surely the reader will call out to me at this place : Well said, 
good master Santillane! Make hay while the sun shines. You are on the 
high road to fortune ; push forward, and outstrip your rivals. Oh ! let me 
alone for that. I spy, or my eyes deceive me, my servant coming in with a 
new gull that he has just caught. Even so ! It is my very Scipio. Let us 
hear what he has to say. Sir, quoth he, give me leave to introduce this emi- 
nent practitioner. He wants a licence to sell his drugs during the term of ten 
years in all the towns of the Spanish monarchy, to the exclusion of all other 
quacks ; in short, a monopoly of poisons. In gratitude for this patent to thin 
mankind, he will present the donor with a gratuity of two hundred pistoles. I 
looked superciliously, like a patron, at the mountebank, and told him that his 
business should be done. As lameness and leprosy would have it, in the course 
of a few days I sent him on his progress through Spain, invested with full 
powers to make the world his oyster, and leave nothing but the shell to his un- 
patented competitors. 

Besides that my avarice outran my accumulating wealth, I had obtained 
the four boons just specified so easily from his grace, as not to be mealy- 
mouthed about asking for a fifth. The town of Vera, on the coast of Grena- 
da, wanted a governor ; and a knight of Calatrava wanted the government, 
for which he was willing to pay me one thousand pistoles. The minister 
was ready to burst with laughing, to see me so eager after the scut. By all 
the powers ! my friend Gil Bias, said he, you go to work tooth and nail ! 
You have a most inveterate itch to do as you would be done by. But mark 
me ! When mere trifles stand between us, I shall not stand upon trifles ; 
but when governments or other places of real value are in question, you 
will have the modesty to be content with half the fee for yourself, and will 
account to me for the other half. It is inconceivable at what expense I 
stand, and how it presses on my finances to support the dignity of my sta- 
tion ; for though disinterestedness looks vastly well in the eyes of the world, 
you are to understand between ourselves that I have made a solemn vow 
against dipping into my private fortune. On this hint, arrange your future 
plans. 

My master, by this discourse, relieving me from the fear of being troublesome, 
or rather egging me on to run at the ring for every prize, made me still more 
worldly-minded than ever I had been before. I should not have objected to 
circulating hand-bills, with an invitation to all candidates for places to apply on 
certain terms at the secretary's office. My functions were here, Scipio's were 
there ; and we met at the receipt of custom. My client got the government of 
Vera for his thousand pistoles ; and as our price was fixed, a knight of St 
James met his brother of Calatrava in the market on an equal footing. But 
mere governors were paltry fish to fry ; I distributed orders of knighthood, and 
converted some good stupid burgesses into most insufferable gentry by one 
stroke of the pen, and a lacing across the shoulders with a broad-sword. The 
clergy, too, were not forgotten in my charities. Lesser preferments were in 
my gift ; everything up to prebendal stalls and collegiate dignities. With re- 
gard to bishoprics and archbishoprics, Don Rodrigo de Calderona had the 
charge of our holy religion. As church and state must always go together, 
supreme magistracies, commanderies, and viceroyalties were all in his gift ; 
whence the reader will naturally infer, that the upper offices were little better 
tenanted than the lower ones ; since the subjects on whom our election fell, 
establishing their pretensions on a certain palpable criterion, were not neces- 
sarily and unavoidably either the cleverest or the best-principled people in the 
world. We knew very well that the wits and lampooners of Madrid made 
themselves merry at our expense; but we borrowed our philosophy from 



GIL BLAS KEEPS A SUMPTUOUS ESTABLISHMENT. 297 

misers, who hug themselves under the hootings of the people, when they count 
over the accumulation of their pelf. 

Isocrates was in the right to insinuate, in his elegant Greek expression, that 
what is got over the devil's back is spent under his belly. When I saw myself 
master of thirty thousand ducats, and in a fair way to gain perhaps ten times as 
much, it seemed to be a necessary of office to make such a figure as became the 
right hand of a prime minister. I took a house to myself, and furnished it in 
the immediate taste. I bought an attorney's carriage at second hand : he had 
set it up at the suggestion of vanity, and laid it down at the suggestion of his 
banker. I hired a coachman and three footmen. Justice demands that old 
and faithful servants should be promoted ; I therefore invested Scipio with the 
threefold honour of valet-de-chambre, private secretary, and steward. But the 
minister raised my pride to its highest pitch, for he was pleased to allow my 
people to wear his livery. My poor little wits were now completely turned. 
I was little more in my senses than the disciples of Porcius Latro, who, by 
dint of drinking cummin, having made themselves as pale as their master, 
thought themselves every whit as learned; so I could scarcely refrain from 
fancying myself next of kin and presumptive heir to the Duke of Lerma him- 
self. The populace might, take me for his cousin, and people who knew 
better, for one of his bastards ; a suspicion most flattering to my pride of 
blood. 

Add to this, that after the example of his excellency, who kept a public 
table, I determined to give parties of my own. Pursuant thereunto, I commis- 
sioned Scipio to find me out a professed cook, and he stumbled upon one who 
might have dished up a dinner for Nomentanus, of dripping-pan notoriety. My 
cellar was well stored with the choicest wines. My establishment being now 
complete, I gave my house-warming. Every evening some of the clerks in the 
public offices came to sup with me, and affected a sort of political high life be- 
low-stairs. I did the honours hospitably, and always sent them home half seas 
over. Like master like man! Scipio, too, had his parties in the servants' 
hall, where he treated all his chums at my expense. But besides that I felt a 
real kindness for that lad, he contributed to grease the wheels of my establish- 
ment, and was entitled to have a finger in the dissipation. As a young man, 
some little licence was allowable ; and the ruinous consequences did not strike 
me at the time. Another reason, too, prevented me from taking notice of it ; 
incessant vacancies, ecclesiastical and secular, paid me amply in meal and in 
malt. My surplus was increasing every day. Fortune's curricle seemed to 
have driven to my door, there to have broken down, and the driver to have 
taken shelter with me. 

One thing more was wanting to my complete intoxication, that Fabricio 
might be witness to my pomp. He was most probably come back from Anda- 
lusia. For the fun of surprising him, I sent an anonymous note, importing 
that a Sicilian nobleman of his acquaintance would be glad of his Company to 
supper, with the day, hour, and place of appointment, which was at my .house. 
Nunez came, and was most inordinately astonished to recognize me in the 
Sicilian nobleman. Yes, my friend, said I, behold the master of this family. 
I have a retinue, a good table, and a strong box besides. Is it possible, ex- 
claimed he with vivacity, that all this opulence should be yours ? It was well 
done in me to have placed you with Count Galiano. I told you beforehand 
that he was a generous nobleman, and would not be long before he set you at 
your ease. Of course you followed my wise advice, in giving the rein a little 
more freely to your servants ; you find the benefit of it. It is only by a little 
mutual accommodation, that the principal officers in great houses feather their 
nests so comfortably. 



GIL BLAS. 



I suffered Fabricio to go on as long as he liked, complimenting himself for 
having introduced me to Count Galiano. When he had done, to chastise his 
ecstasies at having procured me so good a post, I stated at full length the re- 
turns of gratitude with which that nobleman had recompensed my services. 
But, perceiving how ready my poet was to string his lyre to satire at my recital, 
I said to him — The Sicilian's contemptible conduct I readily forgive. Between 
ourselves, it is more a subject of congratulation than of regret. If the count 
had dealt honourably by me, I should have followed him into Sicily, where 
I should still be in a subordinate capacity, waiting for dead men's shoes. 
In a word, I should not now have been hand in glove with the Duke of 
Lerma. 

Nunez felt so strange a sensation at these last words, that he was tongue-tied 
for some seconds. Then gulping up his stammering accents like harlequin, 
Did I hear aright? said he. What! you hand in glove with the prime minis- 
ter. I on one side, and Don Rodrigo de Calderona on the other, answered I ; 
and according to all appearance, my fortunes will move higher. Truly, replied 
he, this is admirable. You are cut out for every occasion. What an universal 
genius ! To borrow an expression from the tennis-court, you have a racket for 
every ball ; nothing comes amiss to you. At all events, my lord, I am sin- 
cerely rejoiced at your lordship's prosperity. The deuce and all, Master 
Nunez ! interrupted I ; good now, dispense with your lords and lordships. Let 
us banish such formalities, and live on equal terms together. You are in the 
right, replied he ; altered circumstances should not make strange faces. I will 
own my weakness ; when you announced your elevation you took away my 
breath ; but the chill and the shudder are over, and I see only my old friend 
Gil Bias. 

Our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of four or five clerks. Gen- 
tlemen, said 1, introducing Nunez, you are to sup with Signor Don Fabricio, 
who writes verses of impenetrable sublimity, and such prose as would not know 
itself in the glass. Uuluckily I was talking to gentry who would have had 
more fellow-feeling with an Oran Outang than with a poet. They scarcely 
condescended to look at him. In vain did he pun, parody, rally, or rail to hit 
their fancies, for they had none. He was so nettled at their indifference, that 
he assumed the poetic licence, and made his escape. Our clerks never missed 
him, but forgot at once that he had been there. 

Just as I was going out the next morning, the poet of the Asturias came into 
my room. I beg pardon, said he, for having cut your clerks so abruptly last 
night ; but, to deal freely, I was so much out of my element, that I should soon 
have played old chaos with them. Proud puppies, with their starch and self-im- 
portant air ! I cannot conceive how a clever fellow like you can sit it out with 
such loutish guests. To-day I will bring you some of more life and spirit. I 
shall be very much obliged to you, answered I ; your introduction is sufficient. 
Exactly so, replied he. You shall have the feast of reason and the flow of soul. 
I will go forthwith and invite them, for fear they should engage themselves 
elsewhere ; for happy man be his dole who can get them to dinner or supper ; 
thev are such excellent company ! 

Away Avent he ; and in the evening, at supper-time, returned with six authors 
in his train, whom he presented one after another with a set speech in their 
praise. According to his account, the wits of Greece and Italy were nothing in 
comparison of these, whose works ought to be printed in letters of gold. 1 re- 
ceived this deputation from the tuneful sisters very politely. My behaviour was 
even in the extravagance of good breeding ; for the republic of authors is a little 
monarchical in its demands upon our flattery. Though I had given Scipio no 
express direction respecting the number of covers at this entertainment, yet 



GIL BIAS ENTERTAINS A COMPANY OF AUTHORS. 299 

knowing what a hungry and voluptuous race were to be crammed, he had mus- 
tq|ed the courses in more than their full complement. 

At length supper was announced, and we fell to merrily. My poets began 
talking of their poems and themselves. One fellow, with the most lyrical as- 
surance, numbered up whole hosts of first-rate nobility and high-flying dames, 
who were quite enraptured with his muse. Another, though it was not for him 
to arraign the choice which a learned society had lately made of two new mem- 
bers, could not help saying that it was strange they should not have elected him. 
All the rest were much in the same story. Amid the clatter of knives and forks, 
my ears were more discordantly dinned with verses and harangues. They each 
took it by turns to give me a specimen of their composition. One languishes 
out a sonnet ; another mouths a scene in a tragedy ; and a third reads a melan- 
choly criticism on the province of comedy. The next in turn spouts an ode of 
Anacreon, translated into most un-anacreontic Spanish verse. One of his 
brethren interrupts him, to point out the unclassical use of a particular phrase. 
The author of the version by no means acquiesces in the remark ; hence arises 
an argument, in which all the literati take one side or the other. Opinions are 
nearly balanced ; the disputants are nearly in a passion ; as argument weakens, 
invective grows stronger ; they get from bad to worse ; overgoes the table, and 
up jump they to fisty-cuffs. Fabricio, Scipio, my coachman, my footman, and 
myself, have scarcely lungs or strength to bring them to their senses. The mo- 
ment the battle was over, off scampered they as if my house had been a tavern, 
without the slightest apology for their ill behaviour. 

Nunez, on whose word I had anticipated a very pleasant party, looked rather 
blue at this conclusion. Well, my friend, said I, what do you think of your 
literary acquaintance now ? As sure as Apollo is on Parnassus, you brought me 
a most blackguard set. I will stick to my clerks ; so talk no more to me about 
authors. I shall take care, answered he, not to invite any of them to a gentle- 
man's house again ; for these are the most select and well-mannered of the 
tribe. 

Ch. X. — The morals of Gil Bias becotne at court much as if they had never been 
at all. A commission from the Count de Lemos, which, like most court com- 
missions, implies an intrigue. 

When once my name was up for a man after the Duke of Lerma's own heart, 
I had very soon my court about me. Every morning was my ante-chamber 
crowded with company, and my levees were all the fashion. Two sorts of cus- 
tomers came to my shop ; one set, to engage my interposition with the minister, 
on fair commercial principles ; the other set, to excite my compassion by pa- 
thetic statements of their cases, and give me a lift to heaven on the packhorse 
of charity. The first were sure of being heard patiently and served diligently ; 
with regard to the second order, I got rid of them at once by plausible evasions, 
or kept them dangling till they wore their patience threadbare, and went off in 
a huff. Before I was about the court my nature was compassionate and chari- 
table ; but tenderness of heart is an unfashionable frailty there, and mine became 
harder than any flint. Here was an admirable school to correct the romantic 
sensibilities of friendship : nor was my philosophy any longer assailable in that 
quarter. My manner of dealing with Joseph Navarro, under the following cir- 
cumstances, will prove more than volumes on that head. 

This Navarro, the founder of my fortune, to whom my obligations were thick 
and threefold, paid me a visit one day. With the warmest expressions of regard 
such as he was in the habit of lavishing, he begged me to ask the Duke of 
Lerma for a certain situation for one of his friends, a young man of excellent 



GIL BLAS. 



qualities and undoubted merit, but incumbered with an inability of getting on 
in the world. I am well assured, added Joseph, that with your good and 
obliging disposition, you will be enraptured to confer a favour on a worthy man 
with a very slender purse ; I am sure you will feel obliged to me for giving you 
an opportunity of carrying your benevolent inclinations into effect. This was 
just as good as telling me that the business was to be done for nothing. 
Though such doctrine was not quite level to my capacity, I still affected a wish 
to do as he desired. It gives me infinite pleasure, answered I to Navarro, to 
have it in my power to evince my lively sense of all your former kindness to 
me. It is enough for you to take any man living by the hand ; from that mo- 
ment he becomes the object of my unwearied care. Your friend shall have the 
situation you want for him ; nay, he has it already : it is no longer any concern 
of yours ; leave it entirely to me. 

On this assurance Joseph went away in high glee ; nevertheless, the person 
he recommended had not the post in question. It was given to another man, 
and my strong box was the stronger by a thousand ducats. This sum was in- 
finitely preferable to all the thanks in the world, so that I looked pitifully blank 
when next we met, saying — Ah, my dear Navarro ! you should have thought of 
speaking to me sooner. That Calderona got the start of me ; he has given 
away a certain thing that shall be nameless. I am vexed to the soul not to 
meet you with better tidings. 

Joseph was fool enough to give me credit, and we parted better friends than 
ever ; but I suspect that he soon found out the truth, for he never came near 
me again. This was just what I wanted. Besides that the memory of benefits 
received grated harshly, it would not have been at all the thing for a person in 
my then sphere to keep company with a certain description of people. 

The Count de Lemos has been long in the background, let us bring him a 
little forwarder on the canvas. We met occasionally. I had carried him a 
thousand pistoles, as the reader will recollect ; and I now carried him a thou- 
sand more, by order of his uncle the duke, out of his excellency's funds lying in 
my hands. On this occasion the Count de Lemos honoured me with a long 
conference. He informed me that at length he had completely gained his end, 
and was in unrivalled possession of the Prince of Spain's good graces, whose 
sole confidant he was. His next concern was to invest me with a right honour- 
able commission, of which he had already given me a hint. Friend Santillane, 
said he, now is the time to strike while the iron is hot. Spare no pains to find 
out some young beauty, worthy to while away the prince's amorous hours. You 
have your wits about you ; and a word to the wise is sufficient. Go ; run about 
the town ; pry into every hole and corner ; and when you have pounced upon 
anything likely to suit, you will come and let me know. I promised the count 
to leave no stone unturned in the due discharge of my employment, which 
seemed to require no great force of genius, since the professors of the science 
are so numerous. 

I had not hitherto been much practised in such delicate investigations, but it 
was more than probable that Scipio had, and that his talent lay peculiarly that 
way. On my return home I called him in, and spoke thus to him in private : 
My good fellow, I have a very important secret to impart. Do you know that in 
the midst of fortune's favours, there is something still wanting to crown all my 
wishes ? I can easily guess what that is, interrupted he, without giving me time 
to finish what I was going to say ; you want a little snug bit of contraband 
amusement, to keep you awake of evenings, and rub off the dust of business. 
And, in fact, it is a marvellous thing that you should have played the Joseph in 
the heyday of your blood, when so many greybeards around you are playing the 
Elder. I admire the quickness of your apprehension, replied I with a smile. 



GIL BLAS INTRODUCED TO CATALINA. 301 

Yes, my friend, a mistress is that something still wanting ; and you shall choose 
for me. But I forewarn you that I am nice hungry, and must have a pretty 
person, with more than passable manners. The sort of thing that you require, 
returned Scipio, is not always to be met with in the market. Yet, as luck will 
have it, we are in a town where everything is to be got for money, and I am in 
hopes that your commission will not hang long on hand. 

Accordingly within three days he pulled me by the sleeve : I have discovered 
a treasure ! a young lady whose name is Catalina, of good family and match- 
less beauty, living with her aunt in a small house, where they make both ends 
meet by clubbing their little matters, and set the slanderous world at defiance. 
Their waiting-maid, a girl of my acquaintance, has given me to understand that 
their door, though barred against all impertinent intruders, would turn upon its 
hinges to a rich and generous suitor, if he would only consent, for fear of prying 
neighbours, not to pay his visits till after night-fall, and then in the most private 
manner possible. Hereupon I magnified you as the properest gentleman in 
the world, and intreated piety in pattens to offer your humble services to the 
ladies. She promised to do so, and to bring me back my answer to-morrow 
morning at an appointed place. That is all very well, answered I ; but I am 
afraid your goddess of bed-making has been running her rig upon you. No, 
no, replied he, old birds are not to be caught with chaff ; I have already made in- 
quiry in the neighbourhood, and by the general report of her, Signora Catalina 
is a second Danae, on whom you will have the happiness of coming down, 

Like Jove descending from his tower, 
To court her in a silver shower. 

Out of conceit as I was with the intrinsic value of ladies' favours, this was not 
to be scoffed at ; and as our Mercury in petticoats came the next day to tell 
Scipio that it only depended on me to be introduced that very evening, I drop- 
ped in between eleven and twelve o'clock. The knowing one received me 
without bringing a candle, and led me by the hand into a very neat apart- 
ment, where the two ladies were sitting on a satin sofa, dressed in the most elegant 
taste. As soon as they saw me enter, they got up and welcomed me in a style 
of such superior breeding, as would not have disgraced the highest rank. The 
aunt, whose name was Signora Mencia, though with the remains of beauty, had 
no attractions for me. But the niece had a million, for she was a goddess in 
mortal form. And yet, to examine her critically, she could not have been ad- 
mitted for a perfect beauty ; but then there was a charm above all rules of 
symmetry, with a tingling and luxurious warmth about her, that seized on men's 
hearts through their eyes, and prevented their brains from being too busy. 

Neither were my senses proof against so dazzling a display. I forgot my 
errand as proxy, and spoke on my own private individual account, with the en- 
thusiasm of a raw recruit in the tender passion. The dear little creature, whose 
wit sounded in my ears with three times its actual acuteness, under favour of her 
natural endowments, made a complete conquest of me by her prattle. I began 
to launch out into foolish raptures, when the aunt, to bring me to my bearings, 
led the conversation to the point in hand : Signor de Santillane, I shall deal 
very explicitly with you. On the high encomiums I have heard of your charac- 
ter, you have been admitted here, without the affectation of making much ado 
about trifles : but do not imagine that your views are the nearer their termina- 
tion for that. Hitherto I have brought my niece up in retirement, and you are, 
as it were, the very first male creature on whom she has ever set eyes. If you 
deem her worthy of being your wife, I shall feel myself highly honoured by the 
alliance : it is for you to consider whether those terms suit you ; but you cannot 
have her on cheaper. 



GIL BLAS. 



This was proceeding to business with a vengeance! It put little Cupid to 
flight at once : or else he was just going to try one of his sharpest arrows upon 
me. But a truce with the Pantheon ! A marriage so bluntly proposed dis- 
pelled the fairy vision : I sunk back at once into the count's plodding agent ; 
and changing my tone, answered Signora Mencia thus : Madam, your frankness 
delights me, and I will meet it half-way. Whatever rank I may hold at court, 
lower than the highest is too low for the peerless Catalina. A far more brilliant 
offer waits her acceptance ; the Prince of Spain shall be thrown into her toils. 
Surely it was enough to have refused my niece, replied the aunt sarcastically ; 
such compliments are sufficiently unpleasing to our sex ; it could not be neces- 
sary to make us your unfeeling sport. I really am not in so merry a mood, 
madam ! exclaimed I : it is a plain matter of fact ; I am commissioned to look 
out for a young lady of merit sufficient to engage the prince's heart, and receive 
his private visits; the object of my search is in your house, and here his royal 
highness shall fix his quarters. 

Signora Mencia could scarcely believe her ears ; neither were they grievously 
offended. Nevertheless, thinking it decent to be startled at the immorality of 
the proceeding, she replied to the following effect : Though I should give im- 
plicit credit to what you tell me, you must understand that I am not of a cha- 
racter to take pleasure in the infamous distinction of seeing my niece a prince's 
concubine. Every feeling of virtue and of honour revolts at the idea. . . . What 
a simpleton you are with your virtue and honour ! interrupted I. You have 
not a notion above the level of a tradesman's wife. Was there ever anything so 
stupid as to consider affairs of this kind with a view to their moral tendency ? 
It is stripping them of all their beauty and excellence. In the magic lanthorn 
of plenty, pleasure, and preferment, they appear with all their brightest gloss. 
Figure to yourself the heir to the monarchy at the happy Catalina's feet ; fancy 
him all rapture and lavish bounty ; nor doubt but that from her shall spring a 
hero, who shall immortalize his mothers name, by enrolling his own in the un- 
perishable records of eternal fame. 

Though the aunt desired no better sport than to take me at my word, she af- 
fected not to know what she had best do ; and Catalina, who longed to have a 
grapple with the Prince of Spain, affected not to care about the matter ; which 
made it necessary for me to press the siege closer ; till at length Signora Men- 
cia, finding me chop-fallen and ready to withdraw my forces, sounded a parley, 
and agreed to a convention, containing the two following articles. Imprimis, if 
the Prince of Spain, on the fame of Catalina's charms, should take fire, and de- 
termine to pay her a nightly visit, it should be my care to let the ladies know 
when they might expect him. Secondo, that the prince should be introduced to 
the said ladies as a private gentleman, accompanied only by himself and his 
principal purvevor. 

After this capitulation, the aunt and niece were upon the best terms possible 
with me : they behaved as if we had known one another from our cradles ; on 
the strength of which I ventured on some little familiarities, which were not 
taken at all unkindly ; and when we parted, they embraced me of their own ac- 
cord, and slabbered me over with inexpressible fondness. It is marvellous to 
think with what facility a tender connection is fcrmed between persons in the 
same line of trade, but of opposite sexes. It might have been suspected by an 
eye-witness of my departure, in all the plenitude of warm and repeated saluta- 
tion, that my visit had been more successful than it was. 

The Count de Lemos was highly delighted when I announced the long-ex- 
pected discovery. I spoke of Catalina in terms which made him long to see 
her. The following night I took him to her house, and he owned that I had 
beat the bush to some purpose. He told the ladies, he had no doubt but the 



— 

THE DUKE OF LERMA COMPLIMENTS GIL BLAS. 303 

Prince of Spain would be fully satisfied with my choice of a mistress, who, on 
her part, would have reason to be well pleased with such a lover ; that the 
young prince was generous, good-tempered, and amiable ; in short, he promised 
in a few days to bring him in the mode they enjoined, without retinue or pub- 
licity. That nobleman then took leave of them, and I withdrew with him. We 
got into his carriage, in which we had both driven thither, and which was wait- 
ing at the end of the street. He set me down at my own door, with a special 
charge to inform his uncle next day of the new game started, not forgetting to 
impress strongly how conducive a good bag of pistoles would be to the success- 
ful accomplishment of the adventure. 

I did not fail on the following morning to go and give the Duke of Lerma an 
exact account of all that had passed. There was but one thing kept back. I 
did not mention Scipio's name, but took credit to myself for the discovery of 
Catalina. One makes a merit of any dirty work in the service of the great. 

Abundant were the compliments paid me on this occasion. My good friend 
Gil Bias, said the minister with a bantering air, I am delighted that with all your 
talents you have that besides of discovering kind-hearted beauties ; whenever I 
have occasion for such an article, you will have the goodness to supply me. My 
lord, answered I with mock gravity like his own, you are very obliging to give 
me the preference ; but it may not be unseasonable to observe that there would be 
an indelicacy in my administering to your excellency's pleasures of this descrip- 
tion. Signor Don Rodrigo has been so long in possession of that post about 
your person, that it would be manifest injustice to rob him of it. The duke 
smiled at my answer ; and then changing the subject, asked whether his nephew 
did not want money for this new speculation. Excuse my negligence ! said I ; 
he will thank you to send him a thousand pistoles. Well and good ! replied 
the minister ; you will furnish him accordingly, with my strict injunction not to 
be niggardly, but to encourage the prince in whatever pleasurable expenses his 
heart may prompt him to indulge. 

Ch. XL — The Prince of Spairfs secret visit, and presents to Catalina. 

I went to the Count de Lemos on the spur of the occasion, with five hun- 
dred double pistoles in my hand. You could not have come at a better time, 
said that nobleman. I have been talking with the prince ; he has taken the 
bait, and burns with impatience to see Catalina. This very night he intends to 
slip privately out of the palace, and pay her a visit ; it is a measure determined 
on, and our arrangements are already made. Give notice to the ladies, through 
the medium of the cash you have just brought ; it is proper to let them know 
they have no ordinary lover to receive ; and a matter of course that generosity 
in princes should be the herald of their partialities. As you will be of our party, 
take care to be in the way at bed-time : and as your carriage will be wanted, 
let it wait near the palace about midnight. 

I immediately repaired to the ladies. Catalina was not visible, having just 
gone to lie down. I could only speak with Signora Mencia. Madam, said I, 
forgive my appearance here in the day-time, but there was no avoiding it ; you 
must know that the Prince of Spain will be with you to-night ; and here, added 
I, putting my pecuniary credentials into her hand, here is an offering which he 
lays on the Cytherean shrine, to propitiate the divinities of the temple. You 
may perceive, I have not entangled you in a sleeveless concern. You have been 
excessively kind indeed, answered she ; but tell me, Signor de Santillane, does 
the prince love music ? To distraction, replied I. There is nothing he so much 
delights in as a fine voice, with a delicate lute accompaniment. So much the 
better, exclaimed she in a transport of joy ; you give me great pleasure by say-. 



3Q| GIL BLAS. 



ing so ; for my niece has the pipe of a nightingale, and plays exquisitely on the 
lute : then her dancing is in the finest style ! Heavens and earth ! exclaimed I 
in my turn, here are accomplishments by wholesale, aunt ; more than enough 
to make any girl's fortune ! Any one of those talents would have been a suf- 
ficient dowry. 

Having thus smoothed his reception, I waited for the prince's bed-time. 
When it was near at hand, I gave my coachman his orders, and went to the 
Count de Lemos, who told me that the prince, the sooner to get rid of the 
people about him, meant to feign a slight indisposition, and even to go to bed, 
the better to cajole his attendants ; but that he would get up an hour after- 
wards, and go through a private door to a back staircase leading into the 
court-yard. 

Conformably with their previous arrangements, he fixed my station. There 
had I to beat the hoof so long, that I began to suspect our forward sprig of 
royalty had gone another way, or else had changed his mind about Catalina ; 
just as if princes ever began to be fickle, till the goad of novelty and curiosity 
began to be blunted. In short, I thought they had forgotten me, when two 
men came up. Finding them to be my party, I led the way to my carriage, 
into which they both got, and I upon the coach-box to direct the driver, whom 
I stopped fifty yards from the house, whither we walked. The door opened at 
our approach, and shut again as soon as we got in. 

At first we were in absolute darkness, as on my former visit, though a small 
lamp was fixed to the wall on the present occasion. But the light which it 
shed was so faint, as only to render itself visible without assisting us. All this 
served only to heighten the romance in the fancy of its hero, fixed as he was in 
steadfast gaze at the sight of the ladies as they received him in a saloon whose 
brilliant illumination was more dazzling, when contrasted with the gloom of 
the avenue. The aunt and niece were in a tempting undress, where the science 
of coquetry was displayed in all its luxury and absolute sway. Our prince 
could have been happy with Signora Mencia, had the dear charmer Catalina 
been away ; but as there was a choice, the younger, according to the rules of 
precedency in the court of Cupid, had the preference. 

Well ! prince, said the Count de Lemos, could you have desired a better 
specimen of beauty ? They are both enchanting, answered the prince, and my 
heart may as well surrender at once ; for the aunt would arrest it in its flight, if 
it attempted to sound a retreat from the niece's all-subduing charms. 

After such compliments, as do not fall by wholesale to the share of aunts, he 
addressed his choicest terms of flattery to Catalina, who answered him in kind. 
As convenient personages of my stamp are allowed to mingle in the conversation 
of lovers, for the purpose of making fire hotter, I introduced the subject of 
singing and playing on the lute. This was the signal of fresh rapture ! and the 
nymph, the muse, the anything but mortal, was supplicated to outtune the 
jingle of the spheres. She complied like a good-humoured goddess ; played 
some tender airs, and sung so deliciously, that the prince flopped down on his 
knees in a tumult of love and pleasure. But scenes like these are vapid in 
description : suffice it to say that hours glided away like moments in this sweet 
delirium, till the approach of day warned the sober plotters of the lunacy to 
provide for their patient's safety, and their own. When the parties were all 
snugly housed, we gave ourselves as much credit for the negotiation as if we 
had patched up a marriage with a princess. 

The next morning the Duke of Lerina desired to know all the particulars. 
Just as I had finished relating them, the Count de Lemos came in and said — The 
Prince of Spain is so engrossed by Catalina ; he has taken so decided a fancy to 
her, that he actually proposes to be constant. He wanted to have sent her 




Catalma and her Aunt admiring the Earrings. — p. 305. 



THE PRINCE CHARMED WITH CATALINA. 305 

jewels to the amount of two thousand pistoles to-day, but his finances were 
aground. My dear Lemos, said he, addressing himself to me, you must abso- 
lutely get me that sum. I know it is very inconvenient ; you have pawned your 
credit for me already, but my heart owns itself your debtor ; and if ever I have 
the means of returning your kindness by more than empty words, your fortunes 
shall not suffer by your complaisance. In answer, I assured him that I had 
friends and credit, and promised to bring him what he wanted. 

There is no difficulty about that, said the duke to his nephew. Santillane 
will bring you the money ; or, to save trouble, he may purchase the jewels, for 
he is an admirable judge, especially of rubies. Are you not, Gil Bias ? This 
stroke of satire was of course designed to entertain the count at my expense, and 
it was successful, for his curiosity could not but be excited to know the meaning 
of the mystery. No mystery at all, replied his uncle with a broad laugh. Only 
Santillane took it into his head one day to exchange a diamond for a ruby, and 
the barter operated equally to the advantage of his pocket and his penetration. 

Had the minister stopped there, I should have come off cheaply ; but he 
took the trouble of dressing out in aggravated colours the trick that Camilla and 
Don Raphael played me, with a most provoking enlargement of the circum- 
stances most to the disadvantage of my sagacity. His excellency having enjoyed 
his joke, ordered me to attend the Count de Lemos to a jeweller's, where we 
selected trinkets for the Prince of Spain's inspection, and they were intrusted to 
my care to be delivered to Catalina. 

There can be little doubt of my kind reception on the following night, when 
I displayed a fine pair of drop ear-rings, as the presents of my embassy. The 
two ladies, out of their wits at these costly tokens of the prince's love, suffered 
their tongues to run into a gossiping strain, while they were thanking me for 
introducing them into such worshipful society. In the excess of their joy, they 
forgot themselves a little. There escaped now and then certain peculiar idioms 
of speech, which made me suspect that the party in question was no such dainty 
morsel for royalty to feed upon. To ascertain precisely what degree of obliga- 
tion I had conferred on the heir-apparent, I took my leave with the intention 
of coming to a right understanding with Scipio. 

Ch. XII. — Catalina! s real condition a worry and alarm to Gil Bias. His 
precautions for his own ease and quiet. 

On coming home, I heard a devil of a noise, and inquired what was the 
meaning of it. They told me that Scipio was giving a supper to half-a-dozen 
of his friends. They were singing as loud as their lungs could roar, and threat- 
ening the stability of the house with their protracted peals of laughter. This 
meal was not in all respects the banquet of the seven wise men. 

The founder of the feast, informed of my arrival, said to his company : Sit 
still, gentlemen, it is only the master of the house come home, but that need 
not disturb you. Go on with your merry-making ; I will but just whisper a 
word in his ear, and be back again in a moment. He came to me accordingly. 
What an infernal din ! said I. What sort of company do you keep below ? 
Have you, too, got in among the poets ? Thank you for nothing ! answered he. 
Your wine is too good to be given to such gentry ; I turn it to better account. 
There is a young man of large property in my party, who wishes to lay out 
your credit and his own money in the purchase of a place. This little festivity 
is all for him. For every glass he fills, I put on ten pistoles, in addition to the 
regular fee. He shall drink till he is under the table. If that is the case, 
replied I, go to your presidentship, and do not spare the cellar. 

Then was no proper time to talk about Catalina ; but the next morning I 



3 o6 GIL BLAS. 



opened the business thus : Friend Scipio, the terms we are upon entitle me to 
fair dealing. I have treated you more like an equal than a servant, conse- 
quently you would be much to blame to cheat me on the footing of a master. 
Let us, therefore, have no secrets towards each other. I am going to tell you 
what will surprise you ; and you on your part shall give me your sincere opinion 
about the two women with whom you have brought me acquainted. Between 
ourselves, I suspect them to be no better than they should be ; with so much 
the more of the knave in their composition, because they affect the simpleton. If 
my conjecture be right, the Prince of Spain has no great reason to be delighted 
with my activity ; for I will own to you frankly, that it was for him I spoke to 
you about a mistress. I brought him to see Catalina, and he is over head and 
ears in love with her. Sir, answered Scipio, you have dealt so handsomely by 
me, that I shall act upon the square with you. I had yesterday a private inter- 
view with the abigail, and she gave me a most entertaining history of the family. 
You shall have it briefly, though it did not come briefly to me. 

Catalina was daughter to a sort of gentleman in Arragon. An orphan at 
fifteen, with no fortune but a pretty face, she lent a complying ear to an officer 
who carried her off to Toledo, where he died in six months, having been more 
like a father than a husband to her. She collected his effects together, con- 
sisting of their joint wardrobe and three hundred pistoles in ready money, and 
then went to housekeeping with Signora Mencia, who was still in fashion, 
though a little on the wane. These sisters, every way but in blood, began at 
length to attract the attention of the police. The ladies took umbrage at this, 
and decamped in dudgeon for Madrid, where they have been living for these 
two years, without making any acquaintance in the neighbourhood. But now 
comes the best of the joke : they have taken two small houses adjoining each 
other, with a passage of communication through the cellars. Signora Mencia 
lives with a servant girl in one of these houses, and the officer's widow inhabits 
the other, with an old duenna, whom she passes off for her grandmother, so 
that her versatile child of nature is sometimes a niece brought up by her aunt, 
and sometimes an orphan under her grandam's fostering wing. When she 
enacts the niece, her name is Catalina ; and when she personates the grand- 
daughter, she calls herself Sirena. 

At the grating sound of Sirena I turned pale, and interrupted Scipio, saying 
— What do you tell me ? Alas ! it must be so : This cursed imp of Arragon is 
Calderona's charming Siren. To be sure she is, answered he, the very same ! 
I thought you would be delighted at the news. Quite the reverse, replied I. 
It portends more sorrow than laughter ; do not you anticipate the consequences ? 
None of any ill omen, rejoined Scipio. What is there to be afraid of ? It is 
not certain that Don Rodrigo will rub his forehead ; and in case any good- 
natured friend should show it him in the glass, you had better let the minister 
into the secret beforehand. Tell him all the circumstances straightforward as 
they happened ; he will see that there has been no trick on your part ; and if 
after that Calderona should attempt to do you an ill office with his excellency, 
it will be as clear as daylight that he is only actuated by a spirit of revenge. 

Scipio removed all my apprehensions by this advice, which I followed, in 
acquainting the Duke of Lerma at once with this unlucky discovery. My aspect, 
while telling my tale, was sorrowful, and my tone faltering, in evidence of my 
contrition for having unadvisedly brought the prince and Don Rodrigo into such 
close quarters ; but the minister was more disposed to roast his favourite than 
to pity him. Indeed, he ordered me to let the matter take its own course, con- 
sidering it as a feather in Calderona's cap to dispute the empire of love with so 
illustrious a rival, and not to be worse used than his lawful prince. The Count de 
Lemos, too, was informed how things stood, and promised me his protection, if 



GIL BLAS FORGETS HIS RELATIONS. 307 

the first secretary should come at the knowledge of the intrigue, and attempt 
to undermine me with the duke. 

Trusting to have secured the frail bark of my fortunes by this notable con- 
trivance from the rocks and quicksands that threatened it, my mind was once 
more at rest. I continued attending the prince on his visits to Catalina, siren- 
like in nature as in nickname, who was fertile in quaint devices to keep Don 
Rodrigo away from next door, whenever the course of business required her to 
devote her nights to his royal competitor. 

Ch. XIII. — Gil Bias goes on personating the great man. He hears neius of his 
family : a touch of ?tature on the occasion. A grand quarrel with Fabricip. 

I mentioned some time ago, that in the morning there was usually a crowd 
of people in my ante-chamber, coming to negotiate little private concerns in the 
way of politics ; but I would never suffer them to open their business by word 
of mouth ; but adopting court precedent, or rather giving myself the airs of a 
jack in office, my language to every suitor was — Send in a memorial on the 
subject. My tongue ran so glibly to that tune, that one day I gave my landlord 
the official answer, when he came to put me in mind of a twelvemonth's rent 
in arrear. As for my butcher and baker, they spared the trouble of asking for 
their memorials, by never giving me time to run up a bill. Scipio, who mim- 
icked me so exactly, that only those behind the scenes could distinguish the 
double from the principal performer, held his head just as high with the poor 
devils who curried favour with him, as a step of the ladder to my ministerial 
patronage. 

There was another foolish trick of mine, of which I do not by any means 
pretend to make a merit ; neither more nor less than the extreme assurance of 
talking about the first nobility, just as if I had been one of their kidney. Sup- 
pose, for example, the Duke of Alva, the Duke of Ossuna, or the Duke of 
Medina Sidonia were mentioned in conversation, I called them without cere- 
mony, my friend Alva, that good-natured fellow Ossuna, or that comical dog 
Medina Sidonia. In a word, my pride and vanity had swelled to such a 
height, that my father and mother were no longer among the number of my 
honoured relatives. Alas ! poor understrappers, I never thought of asking 
whether you had sunk or were swimming in the Asturias. A thought about 
you never came into my head. The court has all the soporific virtues of Lethe, 
in the case of poor relations. 

My family was completely obliterated from the tablets of my memory, when 
one morning a young man knocked at my door and begged to speak with me 
for a moment in private. He was shown into my closet, where, without asking 
him to take a chair, as he seemed to be quite a common fellow, I desired to 
know abruptly what he wanted. How ! Signor Gil Bias ? said he, do you 
not remember me ? It was in vain that I perused the lines of his face over and 
over again ; I was obliged to tell him fairly that he had the advantage of me. 
Why, I am one of your old schoolfellows ! replied he, bred and born in Oviedo ; 
Bertrand Muscada, the grocer's son, next-door neighbour to your uncle the canon. 
I recollect you as well as if it was but yesterday. We have played a thousand 
times together at blind man's buff and prison bars. 

My youthful recollections, answered I, are very transient and confused. 
Blind man's buff and prison bars are but childish amusement ! The burden of 
state affairs leaves me little time to ruminate on the trifles of my younger days. 
I am come to Madrid, said he, to settle accounts with my father's correspondent. 
I heard talk of you ! Folks say that you have a gcod berth at court, and are 
already almost as well off as a Jew broker. I thought I would just call in 



3 o3 GIL BLAS. 



and say, how d'ye do ? On my return into the country, your family will jump out 
of their skins for joy, when they hear how famously you are getting on. 

It was impossible in decency to avoid asking how my father, my mother, and 
my uncle stood in the world ; but that duty was performed in so gingerly a 
manner, as to leave the grocer little room to compliment dame Nature on her 
liberal provision of instinct. He seemed quite shocked at my indifference for 
such near kindred, and told me bluntly, with his coarse shopman's familiarity, 
Methinks you might have shown more heartiness and natural feeling for your 
kinsfolk ! Why, you ask after them just as if they were vermin ! Your father 
and mother are still at service ; take that in your dish ! And the good canon, 
Gil Perez, eat up with gout, rheumatism, and old age, has one foot in the grave. 
People should feel as people ought ; and seeing that you are in a berth to be a 
blessing to your poor parents, take a friend's advice, and allow them two hun- 
dred pistoles a year. That will be doing a handsome thing, and making them 
comfortable, and then you may spend the rest upon yourself with a good con- 
science. Instead of being softened by this family picture, I only resented the 
officiousness of unasked advice. A more delicate and covert remonstrance might 
perhaps have made its impression, but so bold a rebuke only hardened my heart. 
My sulky silence was not lost upon him, so that while he moralized himself out 
of charity into downright abuse, my choler began to overflow. Nay, then ! this 
is too much, answered I, in a devil of a passion. Get about your business, 
Master Muscada, and mind your own shop. You are a pretty fellow to preach 
to me ! As if I were to be taught my duty by you. Without further parley I 
handed the grocer out of my closet by the shoulder, and sent him off to weigh 
figs and nutmegs at Oviedo. 

The home-strokes he had laid on were not lost to my sober recollection. My 
neglect of filial piety struck home to my heart, and melted me into tears. When 
I recollected how much my childhood was indebted to my parents, what pains 
they had taken in my education, these affecting thoughts gave language for the 
moment to the still small voice of nature and gratitude ; but the language was 
never translated into solid sense and service. An habitual callousness succeed- 
ed this transient sensation, and peremptorily cancelled every obligation of hu- 
manity. There are many fathers besides mine, who will acknowledge this por- 
trait of their sons. 

Avarice and ambition, dividing me between them, annihilated every trace of 
my former temper. I lost all my gaiety, became absent and moping, — in short, 
a most unsociable animal. Fabricio seeing me so furiously bent on accumula- 
tion, and so perfectly indifferent to him, very rarely came to see me. He could 
not help saying one day : In truth, Gil Bias, you are quite an altered man. 
Before you were about the court, you were always pleasant and easy. Now 
you are all agitation and turmoil. You form project after project to make a for- 
tune, and the more you realize, the wider your views of aggrandizement extend. 
But this is not the worst ! You have no longer that expansion of heart, those 
open manners, which form the charm of friendship. On the contrary, you wrap 
yourself round, and shut the avenues of your heart even to me. In your very 
civilities, I detect the violence you impose upon yourself. In short, Gil Bias is 
no longer the same Gil Bias whom I once knew. 

You really have a most happy talent for bantering, answered I, with repul- 
sive jocularity. But this metamorphose into the shag of a savage is not percep- 
tible to myself. Your own eyes, replied he, are insensible to the change, be- 
cause they are fascinated. But the fact remains the same. Now, my friend, tell 
me fairly and honestly, shall we live together as heretofore ? When I used to 
knock at your door in the morning, you came and opened it yourself, between 
asleep and awake, and I walked in without ceremony. Now, what a difference ! 



SCIPiaS SCHEME OF MARRIAGE FOR GIL BIAS. 309 

You have an establishment of servants. They keep me cooling my heels in your 
ante-chamber ; my name must be sent in before I can speak to you. When this 
is got over, what is my reception ? A cold inclination of the head, and the in- 
solent strut of office. Any one would suppose that my visits were growing 
troublesome ! Can you suppose this to be treatment for a man who was once 
on equal terms with you ? No, Santillane, it can never be, nor will I bear it 
longer. Farewell ! Let us part without ill blood. We shall both be better 
asunder ; you will get rid of a troublesome censor, and I of a purse-proud upstart 
who does not know himself. 

I felt myself more exasperated than reformed by his reproaches ; and suffered 
him to take his departure without the slightest effort to overcome his resolution. 
In the present temper of my mind, the friendship of a poet did not seem a catch 
of sufficient importance to break one's heart about its loss. I found ample 
amends in the intimacy of some subaltern attendants about the king's person, 
with whom a similarity of humour had lately connected me closely. These new 
acquaintance of mine were for the most part men from no one knows where, 
pushed up to their appointments more by luck than merit. They had all got into 
warm berths ; and, wretches as they were, measuring their own consequence by 
the excess of royal bounty, forgot their origin as scandalously as I forgot mine. 
We gave ourselves infinite credit for what told so much and bitterly to our dis- 
grace. O fortune ! what a jade you are, to distribute your favours at hap-hazard 
as you do ! Epictetus was perfectly in the right, when he likened you to a jilt 
of fashion, prowling about in masquerade, and tipping the wink to every black- 
guard who parades the street. 



BOOK THE NINTH. 

Ch. I. — Scipio' 's scheme of marriage for Gil Bias. The match, a rich goldsmith 's 
daughter. Circumstances connected with this speculation. 

One evening, on the departure of my supper company, finding myself alone 
with Scipio, I asked him what he had been doing that day. Striking a master- 
stroke, answered he. I intend that you should marry. A goldsmith of my ac- 
quaintance has an only daughter, and I mean to make up a match between you. 
A goldsmith's daughter ! exclaimed I with a disdainful air : are you out of 
your senses ? Can you think of tying me up to a trinket-maker ? People of a 
certain character in society, and on a certain footing at court, ought to have 
much higher views of things. Pardon me, sir ! rejoined Scipio, do not take the 
subject up in that light. Recollect that nobility accrues by the male side, and 
do not ride a higher horse than a thousand jockeys of quality whom I could 
name. Do you know that the heiress in question will bring a hundred thou- 
sand ducats in her pocket ? Is not that a pretty little sprig of jewellery ? To the 
resounding echo of so large a sum, my ears were instantly symphonious. The 
day is your own, said I to the secretary ; the fortune determines the case in the 
lady's favour. When do you mean to put me in possession ? Fair and softly, 
sir, answered he, the more haste the worse speed. It will be necessary for me 
first to communicate the affair to the father, and instil the advantage of it into his 
capacity. Good ! rejoined I with a burst of laughter ; is it thereabouts you are ? 
The match is far advanced in its progress towards consummation. Much nearer 
than you suppose, replied he. But one hour's conversation with the goldsmith, 
and I pledge myself for his consent. But, before we go any further, let us come 



3io 



GIL BLAS. 



to an agreement, if you please. Supposing that I should transfer a hundred 
thousand ducats to you, what would my commission be ? Twenty thousand ! was 
my answer. Heaven be praised therefore ! said he. I guessed your gratitude 
at ten thousand ; so that it doubles mine in a similar case. Come on then ! I 
will set this negotiation on foot to-morrow morning ; and you may count upon 
its success, or I am little better than one of the foolish ones. 

In fact, he said to me two days afterwards, I have spoken to Signor Gabriel 
Salero, my friend the goldsmith. On the loud report of your high desert and 
credit, he has lent a favourable ear to my offer of you for a son-in-law. You 
are to have his daughter with a hundred thousand ducats, provided you can 
make it appear clearly that you are in possession of the minister's good graces. 
Since that is the case, said I confidently to Scipio, I shall soon be married. 
But, not entirely to forget the girl, have you seen her ? is she pretty ? Not 
quite so pretty as her fortune, answered he. Between ourselves, this heiress's 
looks are as hard as her cash. Luckily, you are perfectly indifferent about that. 
Stone blind, by the light of the sun, my good fellow ! replied I. As for us 
whimsical fellows about court, we marry merely for the sake of marrying. When 
we want beauty, we look for it in our friends' wives ; and if, by fates and des- 
tinies, the sweets are wasted on our own, their flavour is so mawkish to our palate, 
that there is some merit in their not carrying the commodity to a foreign 
market. 

This is not all, resumed Scipio : Signor Gabriel hopes for the pleasure of 
your company to supper this evening. By agreement, there is to be no men- 
tion of marriage. He has invited several of his mercantile friends to this enter- 
tainment, where you will take your chance with the rest, and to-morrow he 
means to sup with you on the same terms. By this you will perceive his drift 
of looking before he leaps. You will do well to be a little on your guard be- 
fore him. Oh ! for the matter of that, interrupted I with an air of confidence, 
let him scrutinize me as closely as he pleases, the result cannot fail to be in my 
favour. 

All this happened as it was foretold. I was introduced at the goldsmith's, 
who received me with the familiarity of an old acquaintance. A vulgar dog, 
but warm ; and as troublesome with his civility as a prude with her virtue. 
He presented me to Signora Eugenia his wife, and the youthful Gabriela his 
daughter. I opened wide my budget of compliments, without infringing the 
treaty, and prattled soft nothings to them, in all the vacuity of courtly dia- 
logue. 

Gabriela, with submission to my secretary's better taste, was not altogether 
so repulsive ; whether by dint of being outrageously bedizened, or because I 
looked at her in the raree-shew box of her fortune. A charming house this of 
Signor Gabriel ! There is less silver, I verily believe, in the Peruvian mines, 
than under his roof. That metal presented itself to the view in all directions, 
under a thousand different forms. Every room, and especially that where we 
were entertained, was a fairy palace. What a bird's eye view for a son-in-law ! 
The old codger, to do the thing genteelly, had collected five or six merchants 
about him, all plodding spirit-wearing personages. .Their tongues could only 
talk of what their hearts were set upon ; it was high change all supper-time ; 
but unfortunately wit was at a discount. 

Next night, it was my turn to treat the goldsmith. Not being able to dazzle 
him with my sideboard, I had recourse to another artifice. I invited to supper 
such of my friends as made the finest figure at court ; hangers-on of state, noted 
for the unwieldiness of their ambition. These fellows could not talk on com- 
mon topics : the brilliant and lucrative posts at which they aimed were all can- 
vassed in detail; this too made its way. Poor counting-house Gabriel, in 



GIL BLAS ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED. 311 

amazement at the loftiness of their ideas, shrunk into insignificance, in spite of 
all his hoards, on a comparison with these wonderful men. As for me, in all 
the plausibility of moderation, I professed to wish for nothing more than a 
comfortable fortune ; a snug box and a competence : whereupon these gluttons 
of the loaves and fishes cried out with one voice that I was wrong, absolutely- 
criminal ; for the prime minister would do anything upon earth for me, and it 
was an act of duty to anoint my fingers with bird-lime. My honoured papa 
lost not a word of all this ; and seemed, at going away, to take his leave with 
some complacency. 

Scipio went of course the next morning, to ask him how he liked me. Ex- 
tremely well indeed, answered the knight of the ledger ; the lad has won my 
very heart. But, good master Scipio, I conjure you by our long acquaintance 
to deal with me as a true friend. We have all our weak side, as you well 
know. Tell me where Signor de Santillane is fallible. Is he fond of play? 
does he wench? On what lay are his snug little vices? Do not fight shy, I 
beseech you. It is very unkind, Signor Gabriel, to put such a question, re- 
torted the go-between. Your interest is more to me than my master's. If he 
had any slippery propensities, likely to make your daughter unhappy, would I 
ever have proposed him as a son-in-law ? The deuce a bit ! I am too much at 
your service. But, between ourselves, he has but one fault ; that of being 
faultless. He is too wise for a young man. So much the better, replied the 
goldsmith ; he is the more like me. You may go, my friend, and tell him he 
shall have my daughter, and should have her though he knew no more of the 
minister than I do. 

As soon as my secretary had reported this conversation, I flew to thank 
Salero for his partiality. He had already told his mind to his wife and 
daughter, who gave me to understand by their reception, that they yielded 
without disgust. I carried my father-in-law to the Duke of Lerma, whom I 
had informed the evening before, and presented him with due ceremony. His 
excellency gave him a most gracious reception, and congratulated him on 
having chosen a man for his son-in-law, for whom he himself had so great a 
regard, and meant to do such great things. Then did he expatiate on my good 
qualities, and, in fact, said so much to my honour, that honest Gabriel thought 
he had met with the best match in Spain. His joy oozed out at his eyes. On 
parting, he pressed me in his arms, and said : My son, I am so impatient to 
see you Gabriela's husband, that the affair shall be finally settled within a week 
at latest. 

Ch. II. — In the progress of political vacancies, Gil Bias recollects that there is 
such a man in the world as Don Alphonso de Leyva ; and renders him a 
set vice from motives of vanity. 

Let us leave my marriage to take care of itself for a season. The order of 
events requires me to recount a service rendered to my old master Don Al- 
phonso. I had entirely forgotten that gentleman's existence ; but a circum- 
stance recalled it to my recollection. 

The government of Valencia became vacant at this time ; and put me in 
mind of Don Alphonso de Leyva. I considered within myself that the em- 
ployment would suit him to a nicety ; and determined to apply for it on his be- 
half, not so much out of friendship as ostentation. If I could but procure it for 
him, it would do me infinite honour. I told the Duke of Lerma that I 
had been steward to Don Caesar de Leyva and his son ; and that having every 
reason in the world to feel myself obliged to them, I should take it as a favour 
if he would give the government of Valencia to one or other of them. The 



312 GIL BLAS. 



minister answered : Most willingly, Gil Bias. I love to see you grateful and 
generous. Besides, the family stands very high in my esteem. The Leyvas 
are loyal subjects; so that the place cannot be better bestowed. You may 
take it as a wedding present, and do what you like with it. 

Delighted at the success of my application, I went to Calderona in a pro- 
digious hurry, to get the patent made out for Don Alphonso. There was a 
great crowd, waiting in respectful silence till Don Rodrigo should come and 
give audience. I made my way through, and the closet door opened as if by 
sympathy. There were no one knows how many military and civil officers, 
with other people of consequence, among whom Calderona was dividing his 
attentions. His different reception of different people was curious. A slight 
inclination of the head was enough for some ; others he honoured with a pro- 
fusion of courtly grimace, and bowed them out of the closet. The proportions 
of civility were weighed to a scruple. On the other hand, there were some 
suitors who, shocked at his cold indifference, cursed in their secret soul the 
necessity for their cringing before such a monkey of an idol. Others, on the 
contrary, were laughing in their sleeve at his gross and self-sufficient air. But 
the scene was thrown away upon me; nor was" I likely to profit by such a 
lesson. It was exactly the counterpart of my own behaviour: and I never 
thought of ascertaining whether my deportment was popular or offensive, so 
long as there was no violation of outward respect. 

Don Rodrigo accidentally casting a look towards me, left a gentleman, to 
whom he was speaking, without ceremony, and came to pay his respects with 
the most unaccountable tokens of high consideration. Ah, my dear colleague ! 
exclaimed he, what occasion procures me the pleasure of seeing you here ! Is 
there anything we can do for you? I told him my business; whereupon he 
assured me, in the most obliging terms, that the affair should be expedited 
within four-and-twenty hours. Not satisfied with these overwhelming conde- 
scensions, he conducted me to the door of his ante-chamber, whither he never 
attended any but the nobility of first rank. His farewell was as flattering as 
his reception. 

What is the meaning of all this palaver? said I while retreating; has any 
raven croaked my entrance, and prophesied promotion to Calderona by my 
overthrow? Does he really languish for my friendship? or does he feel the 
ground giving way under his feet, and wish to save himself by clinging to the 
branches of my favour and protection? It seemed a moot point, which of 
these conjectures might be the right. The following day, on my return, his 
behaviour was of the same stamp ; caresses and civilities poured in upon me in 
torrents. It is true that other people who attempted to speak to him, were 
rumped in exact proportion with the blandishments of his face towards me. 
He snarled at some, petrified others, and made the whole circle run the 
gauntlet of his displeasure. But they were all amply avenged by an occurrence, 
the relation of which may give a gentle hint to all the clerks and secretaries on 
the list of my readers. 

A man very plainly dressed, and certainly not locking at all like what he 
was, came up to Calderona and spoke to him about a memorial, stated to have 
been presented by himself to the Duke of Lerma. Don Rodrigo, without 
looking from his clothes up to his face, said in a sharp, ungracious tone — Who 
may you happen to be, honest man? They called me Francillo in my child- 
hood, answered the stranger unabashed ; my next style and title was that of 
Don Francillo de Zuniga ; and my present name is the Count de Pedrosa. Cal- 
derona was all in a twitter at this discovery, and attempted to stammer out an 
excuse, when he found that he had to do with a man of the first quality. 
Sir, said he to the Count, I have to beg you ten thousand pardons ; but not 



PREPARATIONS FOR THE MARRIAGE. 313 

knowing whom I had the honour to I want none of your apologies, 

interrupted Francillo with proud indignation ; they are as nauseous as your 
rudeness was unbecoming. Recollect henceforth, that a minister's secretary 
ought to receive all descriptions of people with good manners. You may be 
vain enough to affect the representative of your master, but the public' know 
you for his menial servant. 

The haughty Don Rodrigo blushed blue at this rebuke. Yet it did not 
mend his manners one whit. On me it made a salutary impression. I deter- 
mined to take care and ascertain the rank of my petitioners, before I gave a 
loose to the insolence of office, and to inflict torture only upon mutes. As 
Don Alphonso's patent was made out, I sent it by a purpose messenger, with 
a letter from the Duke of Lerma, announcing the royal favour. But I took no 
notice of my own share in the appointment, nor even accompanied it with a 
line, in the fond hope of announcing it by word of mouth, and surprising him 
agreeably, when he came to the court on occasion of taking the customary 
oaths. 

Ch. III. — PreJ>a7'ations for the marriage of Gil Bias. A spoke in the wheel of 

Hymen. 

And now once more for my lovely Gabriela! We were to be married in a 
week. Preparations were making on both sides for the ceremony. Salero 
ordered a rich wardrobe for the bride, and I hired a waiting-woman for her, a 
footman, and a gentleman usher of decent aspect and advanced years. The 
whole establishment was provided by Scipio, who longed more longingly than 
myself for the hour when we were to be fingering the fortune. 

On the evening before the happy day, I was supping with my father-in-law, 
the rest of the company being made up of uncles, aunts, and cousins of either 
sex and every degree. The part of a supple-visaged son-in-law sat upon me to 
perfection. Nothing could exceed my profound respect for the goldsmith and 
his wife, or the transports of my passion at Gabriela's feet, while I smoothed my 
way into the graces of the family, by listening with impregnable patience 
to their witless repartees and irrational ratiocinations. Thus did I gain the 
great end of all my forbearance, the pleasure of pleasing my new relations. 
Every individual of the clan felt himself a foot taller for the honour of my 
alliance. 

The repast ended, the company moved into a large room, where we were 
entertained with a concert of vocal and instrumental music, not the worst 
that was ever heard, though the performers were not selected from the choicest 
bands at Madrid. Some lively airs put us in mind of dancing. Heaven knows 
what sort of performers we must have been, when they took me for the cory- 
phseus of the opera, though I never had but two or three lessons from a petty 
dancing-master, who taught the pages on the establishment of the Marchioness 
de Chaves. After we had tired our tendons, it was time to think of going - 
home. There was no end of my bows and God-bless-you's. Farewell, my 
dear son-in-law, said Salero as he squeezed my hand, I shall be at your house 
in the morning with the portion in ready money. You will be welcome, come 
when you list, my dear father-in-law, answered I. Afterwards, wishing the 
family good night, I jumped into my carriage, and ordered it to drive home. 

Scarcely had I got two hundred yards from Signor Gabriel's house, when 
fifteen or twenty men, some on foot and some on horseback, all with swords 
and fire-arms, surrounded and stopped the coach, crying out, In the name of our 
sovereign lord the king. They dragged me out by main force, and thrust me 
into a hack-chaise, when the leader of the party got in with me, and ordered 



3H GIL BLAS. 



the driver to go for Segovia. There could be no doubt but the honest gentle- 
man by my side was an alguazil. I wanted to know something about the cause 
of my arrest, but he answered in the language of those gentry, which is very bad 
language, that he had other things to do than to satisfy my impertinent curios- 
ity. I suggested that he might have mistaken his man. No, no, retorted he, 
the fool is wiser than that. You are Signor de Santillane ; and in that case 
you are to go along with me. Not being able to deny that fact, it became an act 
of prudence to hold my tongue. For the remainder of the night we traversed 
Mancanarez in sulky silence, changed horses at Colmenar, and arrived the next 
evening at Segovia, where the lodging provided for me was in the tower. 

Ch. IV. — The treatment of Gil Bias in the tower of Segovia. The cause of his 
imprisonment. 

Their first favour was to clap me up in a cell, where they left me on the straw 
like a criminal, whose only earthly portion was to con over his dying speech in 
solitude. I passed the night, not in bewailing my fate, for it had not yet pre- 
sented itself in all its aggravation, but in endeavouring to divine its cause. 
Doubtless it must have been Calderona's handywork. And yet though his 
branching honours might have pressed thick upon his senses, I could not con- 
ceive how the Duke of Lerma could have been induced to treat me so inhuman- 
ly. Sometimes I apprehended my arrest to have been without his excellency's 
knowledge ; at other times I thought him the contriver of it, for some political 
reasons, such as weigh with ministers when they sacrifice their accomplices at 
the shrine of state policy. 

My mind was vibrating to and fro with these various conjectures, when the 
dawn peeping in at my little grated window, presented to my sight all the hor- 
ror of the place where I was confined. Then did I vent my sorrows without 
ceasing, and my eyes became two springs of tears, flowing inexhaustibly at the 
remembrance of my prosperous state. Pending this paroxysm of grief, a turn- 
key brought me my day's allowance of bread and water. He looked at me, 
and on the contemplation of my tear-besprinkled visage, gaoler as he was, there 
came over him a sentiment of pity : Do not despair, said he. This life is full of 
crosses, but mind them not. You are young ; after these days, you will live to 
see better. In the mean time, eat at the king's mess, with what appetite you 
may. 

My comforter withdrew with this quaint invitation, answered by my groans 
and tears. The rest of the day was spent in cursing my wayward destiny, with- 
out thinking of my empty stomach. As for the royal morsel, it seemed more 
like the message of wrath than the boon of benevolence ; the tantalizing pro- 
traction of pain, rather than the solace of affliction. 

Night came, and with it the rattle of a key in my keyhole. My dungeon 
door opened, and in came a man with a wax-light in his hand. He advanced 
towards me, saying — Signor Gil Bias, behold in me one of your old friends. I 
am Don Andrew de Tordesillas, in the Archbishop of Grenada's service while 
you enjoyed that prelate's favour. You may recollect engaging his interest in 
my behalf, and thereby procuring me a post in Mexico ; but instead of embark- 
ing for the Indies, I stopped in the town of Alicant. There I married the go- 
vernor's daughter, and by a series of adventures of which you shall hereafter have 
the particulars, I am now warden of this tower. It is expressly forbidden me 
to let you speak to any living soul, to give you any better bed than straw, or 
any other sustenance than bread and water. But besides that your misfortunes 
interest my humanity, you have done me service, and gratitude countervails the 
harshness of my orders. They think to make me the instrument of their cruelty, 



GIL BLAS, IN PRISON, MEETS WITH A FRIEND. 315 

but it is my better purpose to soften the rigour of your captivity. Get up and 
follow me. 

Though my humane keeper was entitled to some acknowledgment, my spirits 
were so affected as to interdict my speech. All I could do was to attend him. 
We crossed a court, and mounted a narrow staircase to a little room at the top 
of the tower. It was no small surprise, on entering, to find a table with lights 
on it, neatly set out with covers for two. They will serve up immediately, said 
Tordesillas. We are going to sup together. This snug retreat is appointed for 
your lodging ; it will agree better with you than your cell. From your window 
you will look down on the flowery banks of the Erema, and the delicious vale 
of Coca, bounded by the mountains which divide the two Castiles. At first you 
will care little for prospects ; but when time shall have softened your keener 
sensations into a composed melancholy, it will be a pleasure to feast your eyes 
on such engaging scenes. Then, as for linen and other necessaries befitting 
a man accustomed to the comforts of life, they shall be always at your service. 
Your bed and board shall be such as you could wish, with a plentiful supply of 
books. In a word, you shall have everything but your liberty. 

My spirits were a little tranquillized by these obliging offers. I took courage 
and returned my best thanks, assuring him that his generous conduct restored 
me to life, and that I hoped at some time or other to find an opportunity of 
testifying my gratitude. To be sure ! and why should you not ? answered he. 
Did you fancy yourself a prisoner for life ? Nothing less likely ! and I would 
lay a wager that you will be released in a very few months. What say you, Sig- 
nor Don Andrew ? exclaimed I. Then surely you are acquainted with the oc- 
casion of my misfortune. You guess right, replied he. The alguazil who 
brought you hither told me the whole story in confidence. The king, hearing 
that the Count de Lemos and you were in the habit of escorting the Prince of 
Spain by night to a house of suspicious character, as a punishment for your loose 
morals, has banished the count, and sent you hither, to be treated in the style 
of which you have had a specimen. And how, said I, did that circumstance 
come to the king's knowledge ? That is what I am most curious to ascertain. 
And that, answered he, is precisely what the alguazil did not tell, apparently 
because he did not know. 

At this epoch of our conversation, the servants brought in supper. When 
everything was set in order, Tordesillas sent away the attendants, not wishing 
our conversation to be overheard. He shut the door, and we took our seats 
opposite to each other. Let us say grace, and fall to, said he. Your appetite 
ought to be good after two days of fasting. Under this impression he loaded 
my plate as if he had been cramming the craw of a starveling. In fact, nothing 
was more likely than that I should play the devil among the ragouts ; 
but what is likely does not always happen. Though my intestines were yearn- 
ing for support, their staple stuck in my throat, for my heart loathed all plea- 
surable indulgence in the present state of my affairs. In vain did my warden, 
to drive away the blue devils, pledge me continually, and expatiate on the ex- 
cellence of his wine ; imperishable nectar would have been pricked according to 
the fastidious report of my palate. This being the case, he went another way 
to work, and told me the story of his marriage, with as much humour as such a 
subject would admit. Here he was still less successful. So wandering was my 
attention, that before the end I had forgotten the beginning and the middle. 
At length he was convinced that there was no diverting my gloomy thoughts for 
that evening. After finishing his solitary supper, he rose from table, saying : 
Signor de Santillane, I shall leave you to your repose, or rather to the free in- 
dulgence of your own reveries. But, take my word for it, your misfortune will 
not be of long continuance. The king is naturally good. When his anger shall 



3i6 GIL BLAS. 



have passed away, and your deplorable estate shall occur to his milder thoughts, 
your punishment will appear sufficient in his eyes. With these words, my kind- 
hearted gaoler went down-stairs, and sent the servants to take away. Not even 
the brass candlesticks were left behind ; and I went to bed by the palpable 
darkness of a glimmering lamp suspended against the wall. 

Ch. V. — His reflections before he went to sleep that night, and the noise that 
ivaked him. 

Two hours at least were my thoughts employed on what Tordesillas had told 
me. Here, then, am I, for having lent myself to the pleasures of the heir-ap- 
parent ! It was certainly not having my wits about me, to pander for so young 
a prince. Therein consists my crime ; had he been arrived at a more knowing 
age, the king perhaps might only have laughed at what has now made him so 
angry. But who can have given such counsel to the monarch, without dreading 
the prince's resentment or the Duke of Lerma's ? That minister will doubtless 
take ample vengeance for his nephew the Count de Lemos. How can the king 
have made the discovery ? That is above my comprehension. 

This last was the eternal burden of my song. But the idea most afflictive to 
my mind, what drove me to despair, and laid fiend-like hold upon my fancy, 
was the unquestioned plunder of my effects. My strong box, exclaimed I, my 
dear wealth, what is become of you ? Into what hands have you fallen ? Alas ! 
you are lost in less time than you were gained ! The ruinous confusion of my 
household was the perpetual death's-head of my imagination. Yet this wilder- 
ness of melancholy ideas sheltered me from absolute distraction : sleep, which 
had shunned my wretched straw, now paid his readier visit to my soft and gentle- 
manly couch. Watching and wine, too, imparted a strong narcotic to his pop- 
pies. My slumbers were profound ; and to all appearance, the day might have 
peeped in upon my repose, if I had not been awakened all at once by such 
sounds as rarely perforate a prison wall. I heard the thrum of a guitar, accom- 
panying a man's voice. My whole attention was absorbed ; but the invisible 
musician paused, and left the fleeting impression of a dream. An instant after- 
wards, my ear was soothed with the sound of the same instrument, and the same 
voice. 

Wisely the ant against poor winter hoards 
The stock which summer's wealth affords ; 
In grasshoppers, that must at autumn die, 
How vain were such an industry ! 

Of love or fortune the deceitful light 
Might half excuse our cheated sight, 
If it of life the whole small time would stay, 
And be our sunshine all the day. * 

These verses, which sounded as if they had been sung expressly for the dirge 
of my departed happiness, were only an aggravation of my feelings. The truth 
of the sentiment, said I, is but too well exemplified in me. The meteor of court 
favour has but plunged me in substantial darkness ; the summer sunshine of am- 
bition is quenched in these autumnal glooms. Now did I sink again into cold 

* To have substituted, with a slight variation, these two stanzas from Cowley 
for a translation of the common-place couplet in the original, will probably not 
be thought to require any apology. They necessarily involve a change in the 
consequent reflections of our hero. Translator. 



HE FORMS A FRIENDSHIP WITH A FELLOW-PRISONER. 317 

and comfortless meditation ; my miseries began to flow afresh, as if they fed 
and grew upon their own vital stream. Yet my wailings ended with the night ; 
and the first rays which played upon my chamber wall amused my mind into 
composure. I got up to open my window, and let the vivid air of morning into 
my room. Then I glanced over the country, so attractively depicted in the 
description of my keeper. It did not seem to justify his panegyric. The Erema, 
a second Tagus in my magnifying fancy, was little better than a brook. Its 
flowery banks were fringed with nettles, and arrayed in all the majesty of 
thistles ; the delicious vale in this fairy prospect was a barren wilderness, un- 
tamed by human labour. It therefore was very evident that my keener sensa- 
tions were not yet softened into such a composed melancholy, as could give any 
but a jaundiced colouring to the landscape. 

I began dressing, and had already half finished my toilet, when Tordesillas 
ushered in an old chambermaid, laden with shirts and towels. Signor Gil Bias, 
said he, here is your linen. Do not be saving of it ; there shall always be as 
many changes as you can possibly want. Well now ! and how have you passed 
the night ? Has the drowsy god administered his anodyne ? I could have slept 
till this time, answered I, if I had not been awakened by a voice singing to a 
guitar. The cavalier who has disturbed your repose, resumed he, is a state 
prisoner ; and his chamber is contiguous to yours. He is a knight of the mili- 
tary order of Calatrava, and is a very accomplished person. His name is Don 
Gaston de Cogollos. You may meet as often as you like, and take your meals 
together. It will afford reciprocal consolation to compare your fortunes. There 
can be no doubt of your being agreeable to one another. I assured Don An- 
drew how sensible I was of his indulgence in allowing me to blend my sorrows 
with those of my fellow-sufferer ; and, as I betrayed some impatience to be ac- 
quainted with him, our accommodating warden met my wishes on the very same 
day. He fixed me to dine with Don Gaston, whose prepossessing physiognomy 
and symmetry of feature struck me sensibly. Judge what it must have been, 
to make so strong an impression on eyes accustomed to encounter the dazzling 
exterior of the court. Figure to yourself a man fashioned in the mould of plea- 
sure ; one of those heroes in romance, who has only to shew his face, and 
banish the sweet sleep from the eyelids of princesses. Add to this, that nature, 
who is generally bountiful with one hand and niggardly with the other, had 
crowned the perfections of Cogollos with wit and valour. He was a man, 
whose like, take him for all in all, we might not soon look upon again. 

If this fine fellow was mightily to my taste, it was my good luck not to be 
altogether offensive to him. He no longer sang at night for fear of annoying 
me, though I begged him by no means to restrain his inclinations on my account. 
A bond of union is soon formed between brethren in misfortune. A close friend- 
ship succeeded to mere acquaintance, and strengthened from day to day. The 
liberty of uninterrupted intercourse contributed greatly to our mutual support ; 
our burden became lighter by division. 

One day after dinner I went into his room, just as he was tuning his guitar. 
To hear him more at my ease, I sat down on the only stool ; while he, reclin- 
ing on his bed, played a pathetic air, and sang to it a ditty, expressing the 
despair of a lover and the cruelty of his mistress. When he had finished, I said 
to him with a smile, Sir knight, such strains as these could never be applicable 
to your own successes with the fair. You were not made to cope with female 
repulse. You think too well of me, answered he. The verses you have just 
heard were composed to fit my own case ; to soften a heart of adamant. You 
must hear my story, and in my story, my distresses. 



3 i8 GIL BLAS. 



Ch. VI. — History of Don Gaston de Cogollos and Donna Helena de Galisteo. 

It will be very soon four years since I left Madrid to go and see my aunt Donna 
Eleonora de Laxarilla at Coria : she is one of the richest dowagers in Old Cas- 
tile, with myself for her only heir. Scarcely had I got within her doors, when 
love invaded my repose. The windows of my room faced the lattice of a lady 
living opposite : but the street was narrow, and her blinds pervious to the eye. 
It was an opportunity too delicious to be lost ; and I found my neighbour so 
lovely that my heart was captivated. The subject of my sentry-watch could 
not be mistaken. She marked it well ; but she was not a girl to glory in the 
detection, still less to encourage my fooleries. 

It was natural to inquire the name of this mighty conqueror. I learnt it to 
be Donna Helena, only daughter of Don George de Galisteo, lord of a large do- 
main near Coria. She had innumerable offers of marriage ; but her father re- 
pulsed them all, because he meant to bestow her hand on his nephew, Don 
Austin de Olighera, who had uninterrupted access to his cousin while the settle- 
ments were preparing. This was no bar to my hopes : on the contrary, it 
whetted my eagerness : and the insolent pleasure of supplanting a favoured 
rival was, perhaps, at bottom equally my motive with a more noble passion. 
My visual artillery was obstinately planted against my unyielding fair. Her at- 
tendant Felicia was not without the incense of a glance, to soften her rigid 
constancy in my favour ; while nods and becks stood for the current coin of 
language. But all these efforts of gallantry were in vain — the maid was im- 
pregnable like her mistress — never was there such a pair of cold and cruel 
ones. 

The commerce of the eyes being so unthrifty, I had recourse to different 
agents. My scouts were on the watch to hunt out what acquaintance Felicia 
might have in town. They discovered an old lady, by name Theodora, to be 
her most intimate friend, and that they often met. Delighted at the intelligence, 
I went point blank to Theodora, and engaged her by presents in my interest. 
She took my cause up heartily, promised to contrive an interview for me with 
her friend, and kept her engagement the very next day. 

I am no longer the wretch of yesterday, said I to Felicia, since my sufferings 
have melted you to pity. How deep is my debt to your friend for her kind 
interference in my behalf. Sir, answered she, Theodora can do what she 
pleases with me. She has brought me over to your side of the question ; and 
if I can do you a kindness, you shall soon be at the summit of your wishes ; 
but, with all my partiality in your favour, I know not how far my efforts 
may be successful. It would be cruel to mislead you : the prize will not be 
gained without a severe conflict. The object of your passion is betrothed to 
another gentleman, and her character most inauspicious to your designs. Such 
is her pride, and so closely locked are her secrets within her own breast, that 
if, by constancy and assiduities, you could extort from her a few sighs, fancy 
not that her haughty spirit would indulge your ears with their music. Ah ! my 
dear Felicia, exclaimed I in an agony, why will you thus magnify the obstacles 
in my way ? To set them in array will kill me. Lead me on with false hopes, 
if you will ; but do not drive me to despair. With these words I took one of 
her hands, pressed it between mine, and slid a diamond on her finger value 
three hundred pistoles, with such a moving compliment as made her weep 
again. 

Such speeches and corresponding actions deserved some scanty comfort. She 
smoothed a little the rugged path of love. Sir, said she, what I have just been 
telling you need not quite quench your hope. Your rival, it is true, is in pos- 



HISTORY OF DON GASTON DE COGOLLOS. 319 

session of the ground. He comes back and fore as he pleases. He toys with 
her as often as he likes, but all that is in your favour. The habit of constant 
intercourse sheds a languor over their meetings. They part without pain, and 
come together without emotion. One would take them for man and wife. In 
a word, my mistress has no marks of violent love for Don Austin. Besides, in 
point of person, there is such a difference between you and him as cannot fail 
to catch the eye of a nice observer like Donna Helena. Therefore do not be 
cast down. Continue your particular attentions. You shall have a second in 
me. I shall let no opportunity escape of pointing out to my mistress the merit 
of all your exertions to please her. In vain shall she intrench herself behind 
reserve. In spite of guard and garrison, I will ransack the muster-roll of her 
sentiments. 

Now were my open attacks and secret ambuscades more fiercely pointed 
against the daughter of Don George. Among the rest, I entertained her with 
a serenade. After the concert Felicia, to sound her mistress, begged to know 
how she had been entertained. The singer had a good voice, said Donna 
Helena. But how did you like the words? replied the abigail. I scarcely noted 
them, returned the lady ; the music engrossed my whole attention. The poetry 
excited as little curiosity as its author. If that is the case, exclaimed the 
chambermaid, poor Don Gaston de Cogollos is reckoning without his host ; and 
a miserable spendthrift of his glances, to be always ogling at our lattice-work. 
Perhaps it may not be he, said the mistress with petrifying indifference, but 
some other spark, announcing his passion by this concert. Excuse me, answer- 
ed Felicia, it is Don Gaston himself, who accosted me this morning in the street, 
and implored me to assure you how he adored, in defiance of your rigorous re- 
pulses : but that he should esteem himself the most blest of mortals, if you 
would allow him to soothe his desponding thoughts by all the most delicate and 
impassioned attentions. Judge now if I can be mistaken, after so open an 
avowal. 

Don George's daughter changed countenance at once, and said to her servant 
with a severe frown, You might well have dispensed with the relation of this 
impertinent discourse. Bring me no more such idle tales ; and tell this young 
madman, when next he accosts you, to play off his shallow artifices on some 
more accommodating fool; but, at all events, let him choose a more gentle- 
manly recreation than that of lounging all day at his window, and prying into 
the privacy of my apartment. 

This message was faithfully delivered at my next interview with Felicia, who 
assured me that her mistress's modes of speech were not to be taken in their 
literal construction, but that my affairs were in the best possible train. For 
my part, being little read in the science of coquetry, and finding no favourable 
sense on the face of the author's original words, I was half out of humour with 
the wire-drawn comments of the critic. She laughed at my misgiving, and 
asked her friend for pen, ink, and paper, saying: Sir knight of the doleful 
countenance, write immediately to Donna Helena as dolefully as you look. 
Make echo ring with your sufferings ; outsigh the river's murmur ; and, above 
all, let rocks and woods resound with the prohibition of appearing at your 
window. Then pawn your existence on obeying her, though without the pos- 
sibility ever to redeem the pledge. Turn all that nonsense into pretty sentences, 
as you gay deceivers so well know how to do, and leave the rest to me. The 
event, I flatter myself, will redound more than you are aware to the honour of 
my penetration. 

He must have been a strange lover who would not have profited by so op- 
portune an occasion of writing to his mistress. My letter was couched in the 
most pathetic terms. Felicia smiled at its contents ; and said, that if the 



3 2C 



GIL BIAS. 



women knew the art of infatuating men, the men in return had borrowed their 
influence over women from the arch wheedler himself. My privy counsellor 
took the note, and went back to Don George's, with a special injunction that 
my windows should be fast shut for some days. 

Madam, said she, going up to Donna Helena, I met Don Gaston. He 
must needs endeavour to come round me with his flattering speeches. In 
tremulous accents, like a culprit pleading against his sentence, he begged to 
know whether I had spoken to you on his behalf. Then, in prompt and 
faithful compliance with your orders, I snapped up the words out of his 
mouth. To be sure, my tongue did run at a fine rate against him. I called 
him all manner of names, and left him in the street like a stock, staring at my 
termagant loquacity. I am delighted, answered Donna Helena, that you have 
disengaged me from that troublesome person. But there was no occasion to 
have snubbed him so unmercifully. A creature of your degree should always 
keep a good tongue in its mouth. Madam, replied the domestic, one cannot 
get rid of a determined lover by mincing one's words, though it comes to much 
the same thing when one flies into a passion. Don Gaston, for instance, was 
not to be bullied out of his senses. After having given it him on both sides of 
his ears, as I told you, I went on that errand of yours to the house of your re- 
lation. The lady, as ill-luck would have it, kept me longer than she ought. 
I say longer than she ought, because my plague and torment met me on my re- 
turn. Who the deuce would have thought of seeing him ? It put me all in a 
twitter ; but then my tongue, which at other times is apt to be in a twitter, 
stuck motionless in my mouth. While my tongue stuck motionless in my 
mouth, what did he do? He slid a paper into my hand without giving me 
time to consider whether I should take it or no, and made off in a moment. 

After this introduction, she drew my letter from under her stays, and gave 
it with half a banter to her mistress, who affected to read it in humorous scorn, 
but digested the contents most greedily, and then put on the starch, offended 
prude. In good earnest, Felicia, said she with all the gravity she could assume, 
you were extremely off your guard, quite bewildered and fascinated, to have 
taken the charge of such an epistle. What construction would Don Gaston put 
upon it? What must I think of it myself? You give me reason, by this 
strange behaviour, to mistrust your fidelity, while he must suspect me of en- 
couraging his odious suit. Alas ! he may, perhaps, lay that flattering unction 
to his soul, that my love is legible in these characters, and not his trespass. 
Only consider how you lay my towering pride. Oh ! quite the reverse, madam, 
answered the petticoated pleader ; it is impossible for him to think that ; and 
if he did, he would soon be convinced with a flea in his ear. I shall tell him, 
when next we meet, that I have delivered his letter, that you glanced at the 
superscription with petrifying indifference, and then, without reading a word, 
tore it into ten thousand pieces. You may swear that I did not read it with a 
safe conscience, replied Donna Helena. I should be puzzled to retrace a single 
sentiment. Don George's daughter, not contented with these words, suited 
the action to them, tore my letter, and imposed silence on my advocate. 

As I had promised no longer to play the lover at my window, the farce of 
obedience was kept up for several days. Ogling being interdicted, my court- 
ship was doomed to enter in at my Helena's obdurate ears. One night I at- 
tended under her balcony with musicians ; the first bars of the serenade were 
already playing, when a swaggering blade, sword in hand, rushed in upon our 
harmony, laying about him to the right and left, to the utter discomfiture of the 
troop. Such mad warfare fired my tilting propensities to equal fury. The 
affray became serious. Donna Helena and her maid were disturbed by the 
clash of swords. They looked out at their lattice, and saw two men engaged. 



HISTORY OF DON GASTON DE COGOLLOS. 321 

Their cries roused Don George and his servants. The whole neighbourhood 
was assembled to part the combatants. But they came too late : on the field 
of battle, bathed in his own blood and almost lifeless, lay my unfortunate body. 
They carried me to my aunt's, and sent for the best surgical assistance in the 
place. 

All the world was merciful, and wished me well, especially Donna Helena, 
whose heart was now unmasked. Her forced severity yielded to her natural 
feelings. Would you believe it? The cold, relentless, insensible, was kindled 
into the warmest of love's votaries. She wore out the remainder of the night 
in weeping with her faithful confidante, and giving her cousin, Don Austin de 
Olighera, to perdition : for him they taxed with the plotted massacre, and the 
bill was a true one. He could hide his heart as well as his cousin ; he there- 
fore watched my motions, without seeming to suspect them ; and fancying them 
not to be without a corresponding impulse, he resolved not to be sacrificed 
with impunity. The accident was an awkward one to me, but it ended in 
overpowering rapture. Dangerous as my wound was, the surgeons soon 
brought me about. I was still confined to my chamber, when my aunt, Donna 
Eleonora, went over to Don George, and made proposals for Donna Helena. 
He consented the more readily to the marriage, as he never expected to see 
Don Austin again. The good old man was afraid of his daughter's not liking 
me, because cousin Olighera had kept her company ; but she was so tractable 
to the parental behest, as to furnish grounds for believing that in Spain, as in 
other countries, the species, not the individual, is the object with the sex. 

Felicia, at our first private meeting, communicated the emotions of her mis- 
tress on my misfortune. Now, like another Paris, I thought Troy well lost for 
my Helen, and blessed the happy consequences of my wound. Don George 
allowed me to speak with his daughter in presence of her attendant. What a 
heavenly interview ! I begged and prayed the lady so earnestly to tell me 
whether her sufferance of my vows was forced upon her by her father, that she 
at length confessed her obedience to be in unison with her inclinations. After 
so delicious a declaration, my whole soul was given up to love and pleasurable 
gratifications. Our nuptials were to be graced by a magnificent procession of 
all the principal people in Coria and the neighbourhood. 

I gave a splendid party at my aunt's country-house, in the suburbs on the 
side of Manroi. Don George, his daughter, the family, and friends on both 
sides were present. There was a concert of vocal and instrumental music, 
with a company of strolling players, to represent a comedy. In the middle of 
the festivities, some one whispered me that a man wanted to speak with me in 
the hall. I got up from table to go and see who it was. The stranger looked 
like a gentleman's servant. He put a letter into my hand, containing these 
words : "If you have any sense of honour, as a knight of your order ought to 
have, you will not fail to attend to-morrow morning in the plain of Manroi. 
There you will find an antagonist, ready to give you your revenge for his 
former attack upon your person, or, what he rather hopes and meditates, to 
spoil your connubial transports with Donna Helena. 

"Don Austin de Olighera." 

If love is a Spanish passion, revenge is the Spanish lunacy. Such a note as 
this was not to be read with composure. At the mere subscription of Don 
Austin, there kindled in my veins a fire, which almost made me forget the 
claims of hospitality. I was tempted to steal away from my company, and 
seek my antagonist on the instant. For fear of disturbing the merriment, 
however, I bridled in my rage, and said to the messenger: My friend, you 
may tell your employer that I shall meet him on the appointed spot at sun-rise, 
J and resume the contest with obstinacy equal to his own. 

l , ___i: 



322 GIL BLAS. 



After sending this answer, I resumed my seat at table with so composed a 
mien, that no creature had the least suspicion of what had occurred. During 
the rest of the day, I gave myself up to the pleasures of the festival, which 
ended not till midnight. The guests then returned to town, but I staid behind, 
under pretext of taking the air on the following morning. Instead of going to 
bed, I watched for the dawn with maddening impatience. With the first ray 
I got on horseback, and rode alone towards Manroi. On the plain was a 
horseman, riding up to me at full speed. I pushed forward, and we met half- 
way. It was my rival. Knight, said he, superciliously, it is against my will 
that I meet you a second time on the same occasion, but you have brought 
your fate on yourself. After the adventure of the serenade, you ought to have 
waived your pretensions to Don George's daughter, or at least to have been 
assured that the support of them must cost you dearer than a single encounter. 
You are too much elated, answered I, with an advantage which is less owing, 
perhaps, to your superior skill, than to the darkness of the night. Remember, 
that victory is of the same blind family with fortune. It shall be my lot to 
teach you, replied he with insulting scorn, that I have unsealed the eyes of 
both. 

At this proud defiance, we both dismounted, tied our horses to a tree, and 
engaged with equal fury. I must candidly acknowledge the prowess of my 
antagonist, who was a consummate master of fencing. My life was exposed to 
the greatest possible danger. Nevertheless, as the strong is often vanquished 
by the weak, my rival, in spite of all his science, received a thrust through the 
heart, and fell a lifeless corpse. 

I immediately returned, and told a confidential servant what had happened, 
requesting him to take horse and acquaint my aunt, before the officers of justice 
could get intelligence of the event. He was also to obtain from her a supply of 
money and jewels, and then join me at the first inn as you enter Plazencia. 

All this was performed within three hours. Donna Eleonora rather triumph- 
ed than mourned over a catastrophe, which restored my injured honour ; and 
sent me large remittances for my travels abroad, till the affair had blown over. 

Not to dwell on indifferent circumstances, suffice it to say, that I embarked 
for Italy, and equipped myself so as to make a respectable figure at the several 
courts. 

While I was endeavouring to beguile the weary hours of absence, Helena 
was weeping at home from the same cause. Instead of joining in the family 
resentment, her heart was panting for a compromise, and for my speedy return. 
Six months had already elapsed, and I firmly believe that her constancy would 
have been proof against the track of time, had time been seconded by no more 
powerful ally. Don Bias de Combados, a gentleman from the western coast 
of Galicia, came to Coria, to take possession of a rich inheritance unsuccessfully 
contested by a near relation. He liked that country so much better than his 
own, that he made it his principal residence. Combados was a personable man. 
His manners were gentle and well-bred, his conversation most insinuating. 
With such a passport, he soon got into the best company, and knew all the 
family concerns of the place. 

It was not long before he heard of Don George's daughter, and of her extra- 
ordinary beauty. This touched his curiosity nearly ; he was eager to behold so 
formidable a lady. For this purpose, he endeavoured to worm himself into the 
good graces of her father, and succeeded so well, that the old gentleman, already 
looking on him as a son-in-law, gave him free admission to the house, and the 
liberty of conversing with Donna Helena in his presence. The Galician soon 
became deeply enamoured of her : indeed, it was the common fate of all who 
had ever beheld her charms. He opened his heart to Don George, who con- 



HISTORY OF DON GASTON DE COGOLLOS. 323 

sented to his paying his addresses, but told him that so far from offering violence 
to her inclination, he should never interfere in her choice. Hereupon Don Bias 
pressed every device that impassioned ingenuity could suggest into his service, 
to melt and warm the icicles of reserve ; but the lady was impenetrable to his 
arts, fast bound in the fetters of an earlier love. Felicia, however, was in the 
new suitor's interest, convinced of his merit by the universal argument. All the 
faculties of her soul were called forth in his cause. On the other hand, the father 
urged his wishes and entreaties. Thus was Donna Helena tormented for a 
whole year with their importunities, and yet her faith continued unshaken. 

Combados finding that Don George and Felicia took up his cause with very 
little success, proposed an expedient for conquering prejudice to the following 
effect. We will suppose a merchant of Coria to have received a letter from his 
Italian correspondent, in which, among the news of the day, there shall be the 
following paragragh : "A Spanish gentleman, Don Gaston de Cogollos, has 
lately arrived at the court of Parma. He is said to be nephew and sole heir to 
a rich widow of Coria. He is paying his addresses to a nobleman's daughter ; 
but the family wishes to ascertain the validity of his pretensions. Send me 
word, therefore, whether you know this Don Gaston, together with the amount 
of his aunt's fortune. On your answer the marriage will depend. Parma, . . . 
day of, &c." 

The old gentleman considered this trick as a mere ebullition of humour, a 
lawful stratagem of amorous warfare ; and the jade of a go-between, with con- 
science still more callous than her master's, was delighted with the probability 
of the manoeuvre. It seemed to be so much the more happily imagined, as they 
knew Helena to be a proud girl, capable of taking decisive measures, in the 
moment of surprise and indignation. Don George undertook to be the herald 
of my fickleness, and by way of colouring the contrivance more naturally, to 
confront the pretended correspondent with her. This project was executed as 
soon as formed. The father, with counterfeit emotions of displeasure, said to 
Donna Helena : Daughter, it is not enough now to tell you that our relations 
inveigh against an alliance with Don Austin's murderer ; a still stronger reason 
henceforward presses, to detach you from Don Gaston. It may well overwhelm 
you with shame, to have been his dupe so long. Here is an undeniable proof 
of his inconstancy. Only read this letter just received by a merchant of Coria 
from Italy. The trembling Helena caught at this forged paper ; glanced over 
the writing ; then weighed every expression, and stood aghast at the import of 
the whole. A keen pang of disappointment wrung from her a few reluctant 
tears ; but pride came to her assistance ; she wiped away the falling drops of 
weakness, and said to her father in a determined tone : Sir, you have just been 
witness of my folly ; now bear testimony to my triumph over myself. The de- 
lusion is past ; Don Gaston is the object of my utter contempt. I am ready to 
meet Don Bias at the altar, and be beforehand with the traitor in the pledge of 
our transferred affections. Don George, transported with joy at this change, 
embraced his daughter, extolled her spirit to the skies, and hastened the ne- 
cessary preparations, with all the self-complacency of a successful plotter. 

Thus was Donna Helena snatched from me. She threw herself into the arms 
of Combados in a pet, not listening to the secret whispers of love within her 
breast, nor suspecting a story which ought to have seemed so improbable in the 
annals of true passion. The haughty are always the victims of their own rash 
conclusions. Resentment of insulted beauty triumphed wholly over the sugges- 
tions of tenderness. And yet, a few days after marriage, there came over her 
some feelings of remorse for her precipitation ; it struck her that the letter 
might have been a forgery ; and the very possibility disturbed her peace. But 
the enamoured Don Bias left his wife no time to nurse up thoughts injurious to 



3 2 4 



GIL BLAS. 



their new-found joys ; a succession of gaiety and pleasure kept her in a thought- 
less whirl, and shielded her from the pangs of unavailing repentance. 

She appeared to be in high good humour with so spirit-stirring a husband ; 
so that they were living together in perfect unanimity, when my aunt adjusted 
my affair with Don Austin's relations. Of this she wrote me word to Italy. I 
returned on the wings of love. Donna Eleonora, not having announced the 
marriage, informed me of it on my arrival ; and remarking what pain it gave 
me, said : You are in the wrong, nephew, to shew so much feeling for a faith- 
less fair. Banish from your memory a person so unworthy to share in its tender 
recollections. 

As my aunt did not know how Donna Helena had been played upon, she 
had reason to talk as she did : nor could she have given me better advice. To 
affect indifference, if not to conquer my passion, was my bounden duty. Yet 
there could be no harm in just inquiring by what means this union had been 
brought to bear. To get at the truth, I determined on applying to Felicia's 
friend Theodora. There I met with Felicia herself, who was confounded at 
my unwelcome presence, and would have escaped from the necessity of explan- 
ation. But I stopped her. Why do you avoid me ? said I. Has your per- 
jured mistress forbidden you to give ear to my complaints ? or would you make 
a merit with the ungrateful woman, of your voluntary refusal. 

Sir, answered the plotting abigail, I confess my fault, and throw myself on 
your mercy. Your appearance here has filled me with remorse. My mistress 
has been betrayed, and unhappily in part by my agency. The particulars of 
their infernal device followed this avowal, with an endeavour to make me amends 
for its lamentable consequence. To this effect, she offered me her services with 
her mistress, and promised to undeceive her ; in a word, to work night and 
day, that she might soften the rigour of my sufferings, and open the career of 
hope. 

I pass over the numberless contradictions she experienced, before she could 
accomplish the projected interview. It was at length arranged to admit me 
privately, while Don Bias was at his hunting-seat. The plot did not linger. 
The husband went into the country, and they sent for me to his lady's apart- 
ment. 

My onset was reproachful in the extreme, but my mouth was soon shut upon 
the subject. It is useless to look back upon the past, said the lady. It can be 
no part of our present intention to work upon each other's feelings ; and you 
are grievously mistaken, if you fancy me inclined to natter your aspiring hopes. 
My sole inducement for receiving you here was to tell you personally, that you 
have only henceforth to forget me. Perhaps I might have been better satisfied 
with my lot, had it been united with yours ; but since heaven has ordered it 
otherwise, we must submit to its decrees. 

What ! madam, answered I, is it not enough to have lost you, to see my 
successful rival in quiet possession of all my soul holds dear, but I must also 
banish you from my thoughts ? You would tear from me even my passion, my 
only remaining blessing ! And think you that a man, whom you have once en- 
chanted, can recover his self-possession ? Know yourself better, and cease to 
enforce impracticable behests. Well then ! if so, rejoined she with humed im- 
portunity, do you cease to flatter yourself with interesting my gratitude or my 
pity. In one short word, the wife of Don Bias shall never be the mistress of 
Don Gaston. Let us at once end a conversation at which delicacy revolts in 
spite of virtue, and peremptorily forbids its longer continuance. 

I now threw myself at the lady's feet in despair. All the powers of language 
and of tears were called forth to soften her. But even this served only to excite 
some inbred sentiments of compassion, stifled as soon as born, and sacrificed at 



HISTORY OF DON GASTON DE COGOLLOS. 325 

the shrine of duty. After having fruitlessly exhausted all my stores of tender 
persuasion, rage took possession of my breast. I drew my sword, and would 
have fallen on its point before the inexorable Helena, but she saw my design 
and prevented it. Stay your rash hand, Cogollos, said she. Is it thus that you 
consult my reputation ? In dying thus and here, you will brand me with dis- 
honour, and my husband with the imputation of murder. 

In the agony of my despair, far from yielding to these suggestions, I only 
struggled against the preventive efforts of the two women, and should have 
struggled too successfully, if Don Bias had not appeared to second them. He 
had been apprized of our assignation ; and instead of going into the country, 
had concealed himself behind the hangings, to overhear our conference. Don 
Gaston, cried he, as he arrested my uplifted arm, recall your scattered senses, 
and no longer give a loose to these mad transports. 

Here I could hold no longer. Is it for you, said I, to turn me from my re- 
solution ? You ought rather yourself to plunge a dagger in my bosom. My 
love, with all its train of miseries, is an insult to you. Have you not surprised 
me in your wife's apartment at this unseasonable hour? what greater provoca- 
tion can you want for your revenge ? Stab me, and rid yourself of a man, who 
can only give up the adoration of Donna Helena with his life. It is in vain, 
answered Don Bias, that you endeavour to interest my honour in your destruc- 
tion. You are sufficiently punished for your rashness ; and my wife's imprudence, 
in giving you this opportunity of indulging it, is sanctified by the purity of her 
sentiments. Take my advice, Cogollos : shrink not effeminately from your 
wayward destiny, but bear up against it with the patient courage of a hero. 

The prudent Galician, by such language, gradually composed the ferment of 
my mind, and waked me once more to virtue. I withdrew in the determination 
of removing far from the scene of my folly, and went for Madrid, two days 
afterwards. There, pursuing the career of fortune and preferment, I appeared 
at court, and laid myself out for connections. But it was my ill luck to attach 
myself particularly to the Marquis of Villareal, a Portuguese grandee, who, 
lying under a suspicion of intending to emancipate his country from the 
Spanish yoke, is now in the castle of Alicant. As the Duke of Lerma knew 
me to be closely connected with this nobleman, he gave orders for my arrest 
and detention here. That minister thought me capable of engaging in such a 
project — he could not have offered a more outrageous affront to a man of noble 
birth and a Castilian. 

Don Gaston thus ended his story. By way of consolation I said to him, 
Illustrious sir, your honour can receive no taint from this temporary detainer, 
and your interest will probably be promoted by it in the end. When the Duke 
of Lerma shall be convinced of your innocence, he will not fail to give you a 
considerable post, and thus retrieve the character of a gentleman unjustly accused 
of treason. 

Ch. VII. — Scipio finds Gil Bias out in the tower of Segovia, and brings him a 
budget of news. 

Our conversation was interrupted by Tordesillas, who came into the room, and 
addressed me thus : Signor Gil Bias, I have just been speaking with a young 
man at the prison gate. He inquired if you were not here, and looked much 
mortified at my refusal to satisfy his curiosity. Noble governor, said he, with 
tears in his eyes, do not reject my most humble petition. I am Signor de 
Santillane's principal domestic, and you will do an act of charity by allowing 
me to see him. You pass for a kind-hearted gentleman in Segovia ; I hope you 
will not deny me the favour of conversing for a few minutes with my dear mas- 



?2 6 GIL BLAS. 



ter, who is unfortunate rather than criminal. In short, continued Don Andrew, 
the lad was so importunate, that I promised to comply with his wishes this 
evening. 

I assured Tordesillas that he could not have pleased me better than by 
bringing this young man to me, who could probably communicate tidings of the 
last importance. I waited with impatience for the entrance of my faithful 
Scipio ; since I could not doubt him to be the man, nor was I mistaken in my 
conjecture. He was introduced at the time appointed ; and his joy, which 
only mine could equal, broke forth into the most whimsical demonstrations. 
On my side, in the ecstasy of delight, I stretched out my arms to him, and he 
rushed into them with no courtly measured embi-ace. All distinctions of master 
and dependent were levelled in the sympathetic rapture of our meeting. 

When our transports had subsided a little, I inquired into the state of my 
household. You have neither household nor house, answered he : to spare you 
a long string of questions, I will sum up your worldly concerns in two words. 
Your property has been pillaged at both ends, both by the banditti of the law 
and by your own retainers, who, regarding you as a ruined man, paid them- 
selves their own wages out of whatever they found that was portable. Luckily 
for you, I had the dexterity to save from their harpy clutches two large bags of 
double pistoles. Salero, in whose custody I deposited them, will make resti- 
tution on your release, which cannot be far distant, as you were put upon his 
majesty's pension list of prisoners without the Duke of Lerma's knowledge or 
consent. 

I asked Scipio how he knew his excellency to have had no share in my arrest. 
You may depend on it, answered he, my information is undeniable. One of 
my friends in the Duke of Uzeda's confidence acquainted me with all the cir- 
cumstances of your imprisonment. Calderona, having discovered by a spy that 
Signora Sirena, with the handle of an alias to her name, was receiving night 
visits from the Prince of Spain, and that the Count de Lemos managed that 
intrigue by the panderism of Signor de Santillane, determined to be revenged 
on the whole knot. To this end he waited on the Duke of Uzeda, and dis- 
covered the whole affair. The duke, overjoyed at such a fine opportunity of 
ruining his enemy, did not fail to bestir himself. He laid his information before 
the king, and painted the prince's danger in the most lively colours. His 
majesty was much angered, and shewed that he was so, by sending Sirena to 
the nunnery provided for such frail sisters, banishing the Count de Lemos, and 
condemning Gil Bias to perpetual imprisonment. 

This, pursued Scipio, is what my friend told me. Hence, you gather your 
misfortune to be the Duke of Uzeda's handiwork, or rather Calderona's. 

Thus it seemed probable that my affairs might be reinstated in time ; that 
the Duke of Lerma, chagrined at his nephew's banishment, would move heaven 
and earth for that nobleman's recall ; and it might not be too much to expect 
that his excellency would not forget me. What a delicate gipsy is hope ! She 
wheedled me out of all anxiety about my shattered fortunes, and made me as 
light-hearted as if I had good reason to be so. My prison looked not like the 
dungeon of perpetual misery, but like the vestibule to a more distinguished 
station. For thus ran the train of my reasoning : Don Fernando Borgia, Father 
Jerome of Florence, and more than all, Friar Louis of Aliaga, who may thank 
him for his place about the king's person, are the prime minister's partisans. 
With the aid of such powerful friends, his excellency will bear down all oppo- 
sition, even supposing no change to take place in the political barometer. But 
his majesty's health is very precarious. The first act of a new reign would be 
to recall the Count de Lemos ; he would not feel himself at home in the young 
monarch's presence till he had introduced me at court ; and the young monarch 



SCIPIO'S FIDELITY TOWARDS GIL BLAS. 327 

would not sit easy on his throne till he had showered benefits on my head. 
Thus, feasting by anticipation on the pleasures of futurity, I became callous to 
existing evils. The two bags, snug in the goldsmith's custody, were no bad 
doubles to the part which hope acted in this shifting pantomime. 

It was impossible not to express my gratitude to Scipio for his zeal and 
honesty. I offered him half the salvage, but he rejected it. I expect, said he, 
a very different acknowledgment. Astonished as much at his mysterious 
claim as at his refusal, I asked what more I could do for him. Let us never 
part, answered he. Allow me to link my fate with yours. I feel for you what 
I never felt for any other master. And on my part, my good fellow, said I, 
you may rest assured that your attachment is not thrown away. You caught 
my fancy at first sight. We must have been born under Libra or Gemini, 
where friendship is lord of the ascendant. I willingly accept your proffered 
partnership, and will commence business by prevailing with the warden to 
immure you along with me in this tower. That is the very thing, exclaimed he. 
You were beforehand with me, for I was just going to beg that favour. Your 
company is dearer to me than liberty itself. I shall only just go to Madrid now 
and then, to snuff the gale of the ministerial atmosphere, and try whether any 
scent lies which may be favourable for your pursuit. Thus will you combine in 
me a bosom friend, a trusty messenger, and an unsuspected spy. 

These advantages were too important for me to forego them. I therefore 
kept so useful a person about me, with leave of the obliging warden, who 
would not stand in the way of so soothing a relief to the weariness of solitude. 

Ch. VIII. — Scipids first journey to Madrid: its object and success. Gil Bias 
falls sick. The consequence of his illness. 

If it is a common proverb that our direst enemies are those of our own house- 
hold, the converse ought equally to be admitted among the saws of a more can- 
did experience. After such incontestable proofs of Scipio's zeal, he became to 
me like another self. All distinction of place was confounded between Gil Bias 
and his secretary ; all insolence was dropped on the one hand, all cringing on 
the other. Their lodging, bed, and board were in common. 

Scipio's conversation was of a very lively turn ; he might have been dubbed 
the Spanish Momus, without any derogation to the Punch of the Pantheon. 
But he had a long head, as well as a fanciful brain, combining the characters of 
counsellor and jester. My friend, said I, one day, what do you think of writing 
to the Duke of Lerma ? It could, methinks, do no harm. Why, as to that, 
answered he, the great are such cameleons, that there is no knowing where to 
have them. At all events you may risk it ; though I would not lay the postage 
of your letter on its success. The minister loves you, it is true ; but then poli- 
tical love lacks memory, as much as personal love lacks visual discrimination. 
Out of sight, out of mind ! is at once the motto and the stigma of these gentry. 

True as this may be in the general, replied I, my patron is a glorious excep- 
tion. His kindness lives in my recollection. I am persuaded that he suffers 
for my sufferings, and that they are incessantly preying on his spirits. We must 
give him credit for only waiting till the king's anger shall pass away. Be it so, 
resumed he ; I wish you may not reckon without your host. Assail his excel- 
lency then with an epistle to stir the waters. I will engage to deliver it into his 
own hands. Pen, ink, and paper being brought, I composed a specimen of 
eloquence which Scipio declared to be a paragon of pathos, and Tordesillas 
preferred, for the cant of sermonizing prolixity, to the old archbishop's homilies. 

I flattered myself that there would be teai-s in the Duke of Lerma's eyes, and 
distraction in his aspect, at the detail of miseries which existed only on paper. 



GIL BLAS. 



In that assurance, I despatched my messenger, who no sooner got to Madrid, 
than he went to the minister's. Meeting with an old domestic of my acquaint- 
ance, he had no difficulty in gaining access to the duke. My lord, said Scipio 
to his excellency, as he delivered the packet, one of your most devoted servants, 
lying at his length on straw, in a damp and dreary dungeon at Segovia, most 
humbly supplicates for the perusal of this letter, which a tender-hearted turnkey 
has furnished him with the means of writing. The minister opened the letter, 
and glanced over the contents. But though he found there a motive and a cue 
for passion, enough to amaze all his faculties at once, far from drowning the 
floor with briny secretions, he cleaved the ear of his household, and smote the 
heart of my courier with horrid speech : Friend, tell Santillane that he has a 
great deal of impudence to address me, after so rank an offence, worthily con- 
fronted by the severe sentence of the king. Under that sentence let the wretch 
drag out his days, nor look to my mediation for a respite. 

Scipio, though neither dull nor muddy-mettled, began to be unpregnant of 
this defeated cause. Yet he was not so pigeon-livered as to retire without an 
effort in my favour. My lord, replied he, this poor prisoner will give up the 
ghost with grief, at the recital of your excellency's displeasure. The duke an- 
swered like a prime minister, with a supercilious corrugation of features, and a 
decisive revolution of his front to some more prosperous suitor. This he did, 
to cover his own share in the shame of pimping ; and such treatment must all 
those hireling scavengers expect, who rake in the filth and ordure of rotten 
statesmen, courtiers, and politicians. 

My secretary came back to Segovia and delivered the result of his mission. 
And now behold me, sunk deeper than on the first day of my imprisonment, in 
the gulf of affliction and despair ! The Duke of Lerma's turning king's evidence 
gave a hanging posture to my affairs. My courage was run out ; and though 
they did all they could to keep up my spirits, the agitation and distress of my 
mind threw me into a fever. 

The warden, who took a lively interest in my recovery, fancying in his 
unmedical head that physicians cured fevers, brought me a double dose of 
death in two of that doleful deity's most practised executioners. Signor Gil 
Bias, said he, as he ushered in their grisly forms, here are two godsons of 
Hippocrates, who are come to feel your pulse, and to augment the number of 
their trophies in your person. I was so prejudiced against the whole faculty, 
that I should certainly have given them a very discouraging reception, had life 
retained its usual charms in my estimation ; but being bent on my departure 
from this vale of tears, I felt obliged to Tordesillas for hastening my journey, 
by a safer conveyance than the crime of suicide. 

My good sir, said one of the pair, your recovery will, under Providence, de- 
pend on your entire confidence in our skill. Implicit confidence ! answered I : 
with your assistance, I am fully persuaded that a few days will place me beyond 
the reach of fever, and all the shocks that flesh is heir to. Yes ! with the 
blessing of Heaven, rejoined he, it is a consummation devoutly to be wished, 
and easily to be effected. At all events, our best endeavours shall not be want- 
ing. And indeed it was no joke : for they got me into such fine training for 
the other world, that few of my material particles were left in this. Already 
had Don Andrew, observing me fumble with the sheets, and smile upon my 
fingers' ends, and thinking there was but one way, sent for a Franciscan to 
shew it me : already had the good father, having mumbled over the salvation of 
my soul, retired to the refection of his own body : and my own opinion leaned 
to the immediate necessity of making a good end. I beckoned Scipio to my 
bedside. My dear friend, said I, in the faint accents of a tortured and evacuated 
patient. I give and bequeath to you one of the bags in Gabriel's possession ; 



GIL BLAS IS SET AT LIBERTY. 



329 



the other you must carry to my father and mother in the Asturias, who, if still 
living, must be in narrow circumstances. But, alas ! I fear, they have not been 
able to bear up against my ingratitude. Muscada's report of my unnatural be- 
haviour must have brought their grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. Should 
Heaven have fortified their tender hearts against my indifference, you will give 
them the bag of doubloons, with assurances of my dying remorse : and, if they 
are no more, I charge you to lay out the money in masses for the repose of 
their souls and of mine. Then did I stretch out my hand, which he bathed in 
silent tears. It is not always true, that the mourning of an heir is mirth in 
masquerade. 

For some hours I fancied myself outward-bound, and on the point of sailing ; 
but the wind changed. My pilots having quitted the helm, and left the vessel 
to the steerage of nature, the danger of shipwreck disappeared. The fever, 
mutinying against its commanding officers, gave all their prognostics the lie, 
and acted contrary to general orders. I got better by degrees, in mind as well 
as in body. My consolation was all derived from within. I looked at wealth 
and honours with the eye of a dying anchorite, and blessed the malady which 
restored my soul. I abjured courts, politics, and the Duke of Lerma. If ever 
my prison doors were opened, it was my fixed resolve to buy a cottage, and 
live like a philosopher. 

My bosom friend applauded my design, and to further its execution, under- 
took a second journey to solicit my release, by the intervention of a clever girl 
about the person of the prince's nurse. He contended that a prison was a 
prison still, in spite of kind indulgence and good cheer. In this I agreed, and 
gave him leave to depart, with a fervent prayer to Heaven that we might soon 
take possession of our hermitage. 

Ch. IX. — Scipids second journey to Madrid. Gil Bias is set at liberty on cer- 
tain conditions. Their departure from the toiver of Segovia, and conversation 
on their journey. 

While waiting for Scipio's return from Madrid, I began a course of study. 
Tordesillas furnished me with more books than I wanted. He borrowed them 
from an old officer who could not read, but had fitted up a magnificent library, 
that he might pass for a man of learning. Above all, I delighted in moral 
essays and treatises, because they abounded in common-places according with 
my antipathy to courts and philosophic relish of solitude. 

Three weeks elapsed before I heard a syllable from my negotiator, who 
returned at length with a cheerful countenance, and news to the following 
effect : By the intercession of a hundred pistoles with the chambermaid, and her 
intercession with her mistress, the Prince of Spain has been prevailed with to 
plead for your enlargement with his royal father. I hastened hither to announce 
these happy tidings, and must return immediately to put the last hand to my 
work. With these words, he left me, and went back to court. 

At the week's end my expeditious agent returned, with the intelligence that 
the prince had procured my liberty, not without some difficulty. On the same 
day my generous keeper confirmed the assurance in person, with the kindest 
congratulations, and the following notice : — Your prison doors are open, but on 
two conditions, which I am sorry that my duty obliges me to announce, because 
they will probably be disagreeable to you. His majesty expressly forbids you to 
shew your face at court, or to be found within the limits of the two Castiles on 
this day month. I am extremely sorry that you are interdicted from court. 
And I am delighted at it, answered I. Witness all the powers above ! I asked 
the king for only one favour ; he has granted me two. 



33Q GIL BLAS. 



With my liberty thus confirmed, I hired a couple of mules, on which we 
mounted the next day, after taking leave of Cogollos, and thanking Tordesillas 
a thousand times for all his instances of friendship. We set forward cheerfully 
on the road to Madrid, to draw our deposit out of Signor Gabriel's hands, 
amounting to a thousand doubloons. On the road my fellow-traveller observed: 
If we are not rich enough to purchase a splendid property, we can at least 
secure ease and competency to ourselves. A cabin, answered I, would be large 
enough for my most ambitious thoughts. Though scarcely at the middle period 
of life, the world has lost its charms for me ; its hopes, its fears, its cares, its 
duties, are all absorbed in the selfishness of philosophical retirement. Inde- 
pendently of these principles, I can assure you I have painted for myself a rural 
landscape, with a foreground of innocent pleasures, and pastoral simplicity in 
the perspective. Already does the enamel of the meadows glitter under my 
eyes ; already does the river's murmur accord with the winged chorus of the 
grove : hunting exasperates the manly virtues, and fishing preaches patience. 
Only figure to yourself, my friend, what a continual round of amusement soli- 
tude may furnish, and you will pant to be admitted of her crew. Then for 
the economy of our table, the simplest will be the cheapest, and of course the 
best. Unadulterated Ceres shall be our official caterer : when hunger shall 
have tamed our fastidious appetites into sobriety, a mumbled crust will relish 
like an ortolan. The supreme delight of eating is not in the thing ate, but in 
the palate of him who eats ; a proposition in culinary philosophy, proved by 
the frequent loathing of my own stomach, through a long series of ministerial 
dinners. Abstemiousness is a luxury of the most exquisite refinement, and the 
best recipe in the materia medica. 

With your good leave, Signor Gil Bias, interrupted my secretary, I am not 
altogether of your mind respecting the luscious treat of abstemiousness. Why 
should we mess like the bankrupt sages of antiquity ? Surely we may indulge 
the carnal man a little, without any reasonable offence to the spiritual. Since 
we have, by the blessing of Providence and my forecast, wherewithal to keep 
the spit and the spigot in exercise, do not let us take up our abode with famine 
and wretchedness. As soon as we get settled, we must stock our cellar, and 
establish a respectable larder, like people who know what is what, and do not 
separate themselves from the vulgar crowd to renounce the good things of this 
life, but to taste them with a more exquisite relish. As Hesiod says, 

Enjoy thy riches with a liberal soul ; 
Plenteous the feast, and smiling be the bowl. 



And again, 



To stint the wine a frugal husband shows, 
When from the middle of the cask it flows. 



What the devil, Master Scipio, interrupted I in my turn, you can cap verses 
out of the Greek poets ! And pray where did you get acquainted with Hesiod ? 
In very learned company, answered he. I lived some time with a walking 
dictionary at Salamanca, a fellow up to the elbows in quotation and commen- 
tary. He could put a large volume together like a house of cards. His library 
furnished him with a hodge-podge of Hebrew, Greek, and Latin common- 
places, which he translated into buckram Castilian. As I was his transcriber, 
some tags of verses, stings of epigrams, and sage truisms stuck by the way. 
With such an apparatus, replied I, your memory must be most philosophically 
stocked. But, not to lose sight of our future prospects, whereabouts in Spain 
had we best fix our Socratic abode ? My voice is for Arragon, resumed my 
counsellor. We shall there enjoy all the beauties of nature, and lead the life of 



JOYFUL MEETING OF GIL BLAS AND DON ALPHONSO. 331 

Paradise. Well, then, for Arragon ! said I. May it teem with all the dear 
delights that youthful poets fancy when they dream ! 

Ch. X. — Their doings at Madrid. The rencounter of Gil Bias i}t the street, 
and its conseque?ices. 

On our arrival in Madrid, we alighted at a little public-house where Scipio had 
been accustomed to put up, whence our first visit was to my banker, Salero. He 
received us very cordially, and expressed the highest satisfaction at my release. 
Indeed, added he, your untoward fate touched me so nearly as to change my 
views of a political alliance. The fortunes of courtiers are like castles in the 
air : so I have married my daughter Gabriela to a wealthy trader. You have 
acted very wisely, answered I ; for besides that a bird in the hand is worth 
two in a bush, when a plodding citizen aspires to the honour of bringing a man 
of fashion into his family, he very often has an impertinent puppy for his son- 
in-law. 

Then changing the topic, and coming to the point : Signor Gabriel, pursued 
I, we came to talk a little about the two thousand pistoles which .... Your 
money is all ready, said the goldsmith, interrupting me. He then took us into 
his closet, and delivered the two bags, carefully labelled with my name on 
them. . 

I thanked Salero for his exactness, and heaven in my sleeve for my escape 
from his daughter. At our inn we counted over the money, and found it right, 
deducting fifty doubloons for the expenses of my enlargement. Our thoughts 
were now wholly bent upon Arragon. My secretary undertook to buy a car- 
riage and two mules. It was my office to provide household and body linen. 
During my peregrinations for that purpose, I met Baron Steinbach, the officer 
in the German Guards with whom Don Alphonso had been brought up. 

I touched my hat to him; he knew me again, and returned my greeting 
warmly. My joy is extreme, said I, at seeing your lordship in such fine health, 
to say nothing of my wish to inquire after Don Caesar and Don Alphonso de 
Leyva. They are both in Madrid, answered he, and staying at my house. They 
came to town about three months ago, to be presented on occasion of Don 
Alphonso's promotion. He has been appointed Governor of Valencia, on the 
score of old family claims, without having in any shape pushed his interest at 
court. Nothing could be more grateful to his feelings, or prove more strongly 
our royal master's goodness, who delights to recognize the merits of ancestry 
in the persons of their descendants. 

Though I knew more of this matter than Steinbach, I kept my knowledge in 
the background. Yet so lively was my impatience to hail my old masters, that 
he would not damp my ardour by delay. I had a mind to try Don Alphonso, 
whether he still retained his regard for me. He was playing at chess with 
Baroness Steinbach. On my entrance, he started up from his game, ran 
towards me, and squeezing me tight in his embrace : Santillane, said he, with 
demonstrations of the sincerest joy, at length, then, you are restored to my 
heart. I am delighted at it ! It was not my fault that we ever parted. You 
may remember how strongly I urged you not to withdraw from the Castle of 
Leyva. You were deaf to my entreaties. ButT must not chide your obstinacy, 
because its motive was the peace of the family. Yet you ought to have let me 
hear from you, and to have spared my fruitless inquiries at Grenada, where my 
brother-in-law, Don Ferdinand, sent me word that you were. 

And now tell me what you are doing at Madrid. Of course you have some 
situation here. Be assured that I shall always take a lively interest in your 
concerns. Sir, answered I, it is but four months since I occupied a considerable 



132 GIL BLAS. 



post at court. I had the honour of being the Duke of Lerma's confidential 
secretary. Can it be possible? exclaimed Don Alphonso, as if he could 
scarcely believe his ears. What, were you so near the person of the prime 
minister? I then related how I had gained and lost his favour, and ended with 
avowing my determination to buy a cottage and garden with the wreck of my 
shattered fortunes. 

The son of Don Caesar heard me attentively, and made this answer : My 
dear Gil Bias, you know how I have always loved you ; nor shall you longer 
be fortune's puppet. I will set you above her vagaries, by securing you an 
independence. Since you declare for a country life, a little estate of ours near 
Lirias, about four leagues from Valencia, shall be settled on you. You are 
acquainted with the spot. Such a present we can make, without putting our- 
selves to the least inconvenience. I can answer for my father's joining in the 
act, and for Seraphina's entire approbation. 

I threw myself at Don Alphonso's feet, who raised me immediately. More 
penetrated by his affection than by his bounty, I pressed his hand and said, 
Sir, your conduct charms me. Your noble gift is the more welcome, as it 
precedes the knowledge of a service it has been in my power to render you ; 
and I had rather owe it to your generosity, than to your gratitude. This 
governor of my making did not know what to understand by the hint, and 
pressed for an explanation. I gave it in full, to his utter astonishment. Nei- 
ther he nor Baron Steinbach could ever have the slightest suspicion that the 
government of Valencia was owing to my interest at court. Yet having no 
reason to doubt fhe fact, my friend proposed to grant me an annuity of two 
thousand ducats, in addition to the little farm at Lirias. 

Hold your hand, Signor Don Alphonso ! exclaimed I at this offer. You 
must not set my avarice afloat again. I am myself a living witness, that 
fortune may give superfluities to her favourites, but has no competence to be- 
stow. With pleasure will I accept of the estate at Lirias, where my present 
property will be sufficient for all my wants. Rather than increase my cares 
with my possessions, I would build a hospital out of my existing funds. 
Riches are a burden : and it must be a foolish animal that would bear fardels 
in the manger or the field. 

While we were talking after this fashion, Don Csesar came in. His joy 
was not less than his son's at the sight of me ; and being informed of the 
family obligations, he again pressed me to accept of the annuity, which I 
again refused. When the writings were drawn, the father and son made the 
assignment their joint act and deed, transferring to me the fee simple, and 
putting me in immediate possession. My secretary half stared the eyes out of 
his head, when I told him we had a landed estate of our own, and how we 
came by it. What is the value of this little freehold ? said he. Five hundred 
ducats per annum, answered I, and the farm in high cultivation, within a ring 
fence. I have often been there during my stewardship. There is a small 
house on the banks of the Guadalaviar, in a little hamlet, surrounded by a 
charming country. 

What pleases me better than all, cried Scipio, is that we shall have plenty 
of sporting, rare living, and excellent wine. Come, master, let us leave this 
crowded city, and hasten to our hermitage. I long to be there as much as you 
can do, answered I ; but I must first go to the Asturias. My father and 
mother are not in comfortable circumstances. They shall therefore end their 
days with me at Lirias. Heaven, perhaps, has thrown this windfall in my 
way to try my filial duty, and would punish me for the neglect of it. Scipio 
approved my purpose, and urged its speedy execution. Yes, my friend, said I, 
we will set out as soon as possible. I shall consider it as my dear delight to 



GIL BLAS SETS OUT FOR THE ASTURIAS. 333 

share the gifts of fortune with the authors of my existence. We shall soon be 
settled in our country retreat ; and then will I write these two Latin verses 
over the door of my farm-house, in letters of gold, for the pious edification of 
my rustic neighbours : 

Invent portum. Spes et fortuna, valete. 
Sat me lusistis ; ludite nunc alios. 



BOOK THE TENTH. 

Ch. I. — Gil Bias sets out for the Asturias ; and passes through Valladolid, 
where he goes to see his old master, Doctor Sangrado. By accident, he comes 
across Signor Manuel Ordonnez, governor of the hospital. 

Just as I was arranging matters to take my departure from Madrid, and go 
with Scipio to the Asturias, Paul V. gave the Duke of Lerma a cardinal's hat. 
This pope, wishing to establish the inquisition in the kingdom of Naples, in- 
vested the minister with the purple, and by that means hoped to bring King 
Philip over to so pious and praiseworthy a design. Those who were best ac- 
quainted with this new member of the sacred college, thought much like myself, 
that the church was in a fair way for apostolical purity, after so ghostly an 
acquisition. 

Scipio, who would have liked better to see me once more blazing at court, than 
either cloistered or rusticated, advised me to shew my face at the cardinal's audi- 
ence. Perhaps, said he, his eminence, finding you at large by the king's oi'der, 
may think it unnecessary to affect any further displeasure against you, and may 
even reinstate you in his service. My good friend Scipio, answered I, you seem to 
forget that my liberty was granted only on condition of making myself scarce 
in the two Castiles. Besides, can you suppose me so soon inclined to become 
an absentee from my domain of Lirias ? I have told you before, and I tell it 
you once again : Though the Duke of Lerma should restore me to his good 
graces, though he should even offer me Don Rodrigo de Calderona's place, 1 
would refuse it. My resolution is taken : I mean to go and find out my 
parents at Oviedo, and carry them with me to Valencia. As for you, my good 
fellow, if you repent of having linked your fate with mine, you have only to say 
so : I am ready to give you half of my ready money, and you may stay at 
Madrid, where fortune puts on her kindest smiles to those who woo her 
lustily. 

What then ! replied my secretary, a little affected by these words, can you 
suspect me of any unwillingness to follow you into your retreat ? The very idea 
is an injury to my zeal and my attachment. . What, Scipio! that faithful ap- 
pendage, who would willingly have passed the remnant of his days with you 
in the tower of Segovia, rather than abandon you to your wretched fate, can he 
feel sorrowful at the prospect of an abode, where a thousand rural delights are 
waiting to smile on his arrival ? No, no, I have not a wish to turn you aside 
from your resolution. Nor can I refrain from owning my malicious drift ; when 
I advised you to shew your face at the Duke of Lerma's audience, it was for 
the purpose of ascertaining whether any seedlings of ambition were scattered 
among the fallows of your philosophy. Since that point is settled, and you are 
mortified to all the pomps and vanities of the world ; let us make the best of 
our way from court, to go and suck in with Zephyrus and Flora the innocent, 
delicious pleasures so luxuriant in the nursery of our imaginations. 



334 GIL BLAS. 



In fact, we soon afterwards took our departure together, in a chaise drawn 
by two good mules, driven by a postillion whom I had added to my establish- 
ment. We stopped the first day at Alcala de Henares, and the second at 
Segovia, whence, without stopping to see our generous warden, Tordesillas, 
we went forward to Penafiel on the Duero, and the next day to Valladolid. 
At sight of this large town, I could not help fetching a deep sigh. My com- 
panion, surprised at that conscientious ventilation, inquired the reason of it. 
My good fellow, said I, it is because I practised medicine here for a long time. 
It gives me the horrors, even now, to think of my unexpiated murders. The 
whole list of killed and wounded are mustered in battle-array yonder : the tomb 
and the hospital yawn with their disgorged inhabitants, who are rushing on to 
tear me piece-meal, and exact the vengeance due to the drenched crew. What 
a dreadful fancy ! said my secretary. In truth, Signor de Santillane, your 
nature is too tender. Why should you be shocked at the common course of 
exchange in your branch of trade ? Look at all the oldest physicians : their 
withers are unwrung. What can exceed the self-complacency with which they 
view the exits of patients, and the entrances of diseases ? Natural constitution 
bears the brunt of all their failures, and medical infallibility takes the credit of 
lucky accidents. 

It is very true, replied I, that Doctor Sangrado, on whose practice I formed 
myself, was like the rest of the old physicians in point of self-complacency. It 
was to little purpose that twenty people in a day yielded to his prowess ; he was 
so persuaded that bleeding in the arm and copious libations of warm water were 
specifics for every case, that instead of doubting whether the death of his patients 
might not possibly invalidate the efficacy of his prescriptions, he ascribed the 
result to a vacillating compliance with his system. By all the powers ! cried 
Scipio with a burst of laughter, you open to me an incomparable character. If 
you have any curiosity to be better acquainted with him, said I, it may be gra- 
tified to-morrow, should Sangrado be still living, and resident at Valladolid : 
but it is highly improbable ; for he had one foot in the grave when I left him 
several years ago. 

Our first care, on putting up at the inn, was to inquire after this doctor. We 
were told that he was not dead ; but being incapacitated by age from paying visits 
or any other vigorous exertions, he had been superseded by three or four other 
doctors who had risen into repute by a new practice, accomplishing the same 
end by different means. We determined on lying by for a day at Valladolid, 
as well to rest our mules, as to call on Signor Sangrado. About ten o'clock 
next morning we knocked at his door ; and found him sitting in his elbow-chair, 
with a book in his hand. He rose on our entrance ; advanced to meet us with 
a firm step for a man of seventy, and begged to know our business. My worthy 
and approved good master, said I, have you lost all recollection of an old pupil ? 
There was formerly one Gil Bias, as you may remember, a boarder in your 
house, and for some time your deputy. What ! is it you, Santillane ? answered 
he, with a cordial embrace. I should not have known you again. It, how- 
ever, gives me great pleasure to see you once more. What have you been 
doing since we parted ? Doubtless you have made medicine your profession. 
It was very strongly my inclination so to do, replied I ; but imperious circum- 
stances made me reluctantly abandon so illustrious a calling. 

So much the worse, rejoined Sangrado : with the principles you sucked in 
under my tuition, you would have become a physician of the first skill and 
eminence, with the guiding influence of heaven to defend you from the dangerous 
allurements of chemistry. Ah, my son ! pursued he with a mournful air, what 
a change in practice within these few years ! The whole honour and dignity of 
the art is compromised. That mystery, by whose inscrutable decrees the lives 



VISIT TO DOCTOR SANGRADO. 335 

of men have in all ages been determined, is now laid open to the rude, untutored 
gaze of blockheads, novices, and mountebanks. Facts are stubborn things ; 
and ere long the very stones will cry aloud against the rascality of these new 
practitioners : lapides clamabicnt ! Why, sir, there are fellows in this town, 
calling themselves physicians, who drag their degraded persons at the currus 
triumphalis antimonii, or as it should properly be translated, the cart's tail of 
antimony. Apostates from the faith of Paracelsus, idolaters of filthy kermes, 
healers at hap-hazard, who make all the science of medicine to consist in the 
preparation and prescription of drugs. What a change have I to announce to 
you ! There is not one stone left upon another in the whole structure which our 
great predecessors had raised. Bleeding in the feet, for example, so rarely 
practised in better times, is now among the fashionable follies of the day. That 
gentle, civilized system of evacuation which prevailed under my auspices is 
subverted by the reign of anarchy and emetics, of quackery and poison. In 
short, chaos is come again ! Every one orders what seems good in his own 
eyes ; there is no deference to the authority of ancient wisdom ; our masters are 
laid upon the shelf, and their axioms not one tittle the more regarded, for being 
delivered in languages as defunct as the subjects of their application. 

However desirable it might seem to laugh at so whimsical a declamation, I 
had the good manners to resist the impulse ; and not only that, but to inveigh 
bitterly against kermes, without knowing whether it was a vegetable or an 
animal, and to pour forth a commination of curses against the authors and 
inventors of so diabolical an engine. Scipio, observing my by-play in this 
scene, had a mind to come in for his share in the banter. Most venerable prop 
of the true practice, said he to Sangrado, as I -am descended in the third gener- 
ation from a physician of the old school, give me leave to join you in your 
philippic against chemical conspiracies. My late illustrious progenitor, heaven 
forgive him all his sins ! was so warm a partisan of Hippocrates, that he often 
came to blows with ignorant pretenders, who vomited forth blasphemies against 
that high priest of the faculty. What is bred in the bone will not come out of 
the flesh : I could willingly inflict tortures and death with my own hands on 
those rash innovators whose daring enormities you have characterized with such 
accuracy of discrimination and such force of language. When wretches like 
these gain an ascendancy in civilized society, can we wonder at the disjointed 
condition of the world ? 

The times are even more out of joint than you are aware of, said the doctor. 
My book against the vanities and delusions of the new practice might as well 
have fallen still-born from the press ; it seems, if anything, to have acted by 
contraries, and to have exasperated heresy. The apothecaries, like the Titans 
of old, heaping potion upon pill, and invading the Olympus of medicine, think 
themselves fully qualified to usurp and maintain the throne, now that it is only 
thought necessary to set open the doors, and to drive the enemy out at the portal 
or the postern by main force. They go to the length of infusing their deadly 
drugs into apozems and cordials, and then set themselves up against the most 
eminent of the fraternity. This contagion has spread its influence even among 
the cloisters. There are monks in our convents who unite surgery and pharmacy 
to the labours of the confessional. Those medical baboons are always dipping 
their paws into chemistry, and inventing compositions strong enough to lay 
a scene of ecclesiastical mortality in the temperate abodes of peace and religion. 
Now there are in Valladolid above sixty religious houses for both sexes ; judge 
what ravage must have been made there by unmerciful pumping and the lancet 
misapplied. Signor Sangrado, said I, you are perfectly in the right to give 
these poisoners no quarter. I utter groan for groan with you, and heave the 
philanthropic sigh over the invaded lives of our fellow-creatures, sinking under 



336 GIL BLAS. 



the fell attack of so heterodox a practice. It fills me with horror to think what 
a dead weight chemistry may one day be to medicine, just as adulterated coin 
operates on national credit. Far be that evil day from this generation. 

Just at this climax of our discourse, in came an old female servant, with a 
salver for the doctor, on which was a little light roll and a glass with two 
decanters, the one filled with water and the other with wine. After he had 
eaten a slice, he washed it down with a diluted beverage, two parts water to 
one of wine ; but this temperate use of the good creature did not at all save 
him from the acrimony of my ridicule. So so, good master doctor, said I, you 
are fairly caught in the fact. You a wine-bibber ! you, who have entered the 
lists like a knight-errant against that unauthenticated fermentation ? you, who 
reached your grand climacteric on the strength of the pure element ? How long 
have you been so at odds with yourself? Your time of life can be no excuse for 
the alteration ; since, in one passage of your writings, you define old age to be 
a natural consumption, which withers and attenuates the system ; and as an 
inference from that position, you reprobate the ignorance of those writers who 
dignify wine with the appellation of old men's milk. What can you say, there- 
fore, in your own defence ? 

You belabour me most unjustly, answered the old physician. If I drank 
neat wine, you would have a right to treat me as a deserter from my own stand- 
ard ; but your eyes may convince you that my wine is well mixed.. Another 
heresy, my dear apostle of the well's and fountains ! replied I. Recollect how 
you rated the canon Sedillo for drinking wine, though plentifully dashed with 
the salubrious fluid. Own modestly and candidly that your theory was unfounded 
and fanciful, and that wine is not a poisonous liquor, as you have so falsely and 
scandalously libelled it in your works, any further than, like any other of 
nature's bounties, it may be abused to excess. 

This lecture sat rather uneasily on our doctor's feelings, as a candidate for 
consistency. He could not deny his inveteracy against the use of wine in all his 
publications ; but pride and vanity not allowing him to acknowledge the justice 
of my attack on his apostasy, he was left without a word to say for himself. 
Not wishing to push my sarcasm beyond the bounds of good humour, I changed 
the subject ; and after a few minutes' longer stay, took my leave, gravely 
exhorting him to maintain his ground against the new practitioners. Courage, 
Signor Sangrado ! said I : never be weary of setting your wits against kermes ; 
and deafen the health-dispensing tribe with your thunders against the use of 
bleeding in the feet. If, spite of all your zeal and affection for medical orthodoxy, 
this empiric generation should succeed in supplanting true and legitimate prac- 
tice, it will be at least your consolation to have exhausted your best endeavours 
in the support of truth and reason. 

As my secretary and myself were walking to the inn, making our observations 
in high glee on the doctor's entertaining and original character, a man from fifty- 
five to sixty years of age happened to pass near us in the street, walking with 
his eyes fixed on the ground, and a large rosary in his hand. I conned over 
the distinctive cut of his appearance most cunningly, and was rewarded in the 
recognition of Signor Manuel Ordonnez, that faithful trustee for the affairs of 
the hospital, of whom so honourable mention is made in the first volume of 
these true and instructive memoirs. Accosting him with the most profound and 
unquestionable tokens of respect, I paid my compliments in due form and 
order to the venerable and trust-worthy Signor Manuel Ordonnez, the man of 
all the world in whose hands the interests of the poor and needy are most safely 
and beneficially placed. At these words he looked me steadfastly in the face, 
and answered that my features were not altogether strange to him, but that he 
could not recollect where he had seen me. I used to go backwards and for- 



GIL BLASTS ACCOUNT OF FABRIC 10. 337 

wards to your house, replied I, when one of my friends, by name Fabricio 
Nunez, was in your service. Ah ! I recollect the circumstance at once, rejoined 
the worthy director with a cunning leer, and have good reason to do so ; for 
you were a brace of pleasant lads, and were by no means backward in the little 
scape-grace tricks of youth and inexperience. Well ! and what is become of 
poor Fabricio ? Whenever he comes across my thoughts, I cannot help feeling 
a little uneasy about his temporal and eternal welfare. 

It was to relieve your mind upon that subject, said I to Signor Manuel, that 
I have taken the liberty of stopping you in the street. Fabricio is settled at 
Madrid, where he employs himself in publishing miscellanies and collections. 
What do you mean by miscellanies and collections ? replied he. I mean, 
resumed I, that he writes in verse and prose, from epic poems and the highest 
branches of philosophy, down to plays, novels, epigrams, and riddles. In short, 
he is a lad of universal genius, and most exemplary benevolence ; sometimes 
modestly taking to himself the credit of his own compositions, and sometimes 
lending out his talents to the literary ambition of those noblemen who write for 
their own amusement, but wish their names to be concealed, except from a 
chosen circle. By traffic like this he sits at the very first tables. But how does 
he sit at his own ? said the director : upon what terms does he live with his 
baker ? Not quite so confidentially as with people of fashion, answered I ; for 
between ourselves, I take him to be quite as much out at elbows as ever Job 
was. More bonds and judgments against him than ever Job had, take my 
word for it ! replied Ordonnez. Let him lick the spittle of his titled friends and 
patrons till his stomach heaves at the nauseating saliva ; his printed dedications 
and his oral flattery, in spite of all the cringing and all the toad-eating, which 
constitute the stock-in-trade of his profession, with all the profits of his works, 
whether by subscription or ordinary publication, will not bring grist enough to 
his mill, to keep hunger from the door. Mind if what I say does not turn out to 
be true ! He will come to the dogs at last. 

Nothing more likely ! replied I ; for he cohabits with the muses already ; 
and many a plain man has found, to his cost, that there is no keeping company 
with the sisters, without being worried by their bullying brethren. My friend 
Fabricio would have done much better by remaining quietly with your lord- 
ship ; he would now have been lying on a bed of roses, and everything he had 
touched would have turned to gold. He would at least have been in a very 
snug berth, said Manuel. He was a great favourite of mine ; and I meant, by 
a regular gradation from subaltern to principal situations, to have established 
him in ease and affluence on the basis of public charity ; but the foolish fellow 
took it into his head to set up for a wit. He wrote a play, and brought it out 
at the theatre in this town : the piece went off tolerably well, and nothing 
thenceforth would serve his turn but commencing author by profession. Lope 
de Vega, in his estimation, was but a type of him : preferring, therefore, the 
intoxicating vapour of public applause to the plain roast and boiled of this 
substantial ordinary, he came to me for his discharge. It was to no purpose 
for me to argue the point, or to prove to him what a silly cur he was, to drop 
the bone and run after the shadow : the mad blockhead was so suffocated by 
the smother of authorship, that the instinctive dread of fire could not rouse his 
alacrity to escape burning. In short, he was miserably unconscious of his own 
interest, as his successor can testify : for he, possessing practical good sense, 
though without half Fabricio's quickness and versatility, makes it his whole 
study and delight to go through his business in a workmanlike manner, and to 
fall in with all my little ways. In return for such good conduct, I pushed him 
forward in a manner corresponding with his deserts ; and he unites in his own 
person, even at this time of" day, two offices in the hospital, the least lucrative 



338 GIL BLAS. 



of which would be more than sufficient to place any honest man at his ease, 
though encumbered with a yearly teeming wife. 

Ch. II. — Gil Bias continues his journey, and arrives in safety at Oviedo. 
The condition of his family. His father 's death, and its consequences. 

From Valladolid we got to Oviedo in four days, without any untoward accident 
on the road, in spite of the proverb, which says, that robbers lay their ears to 
the ground, when pilgrims are going with rich offerings, and traders are riding 
with fat purses. It would have been a feasible, as well as a tempting specula- 
tion. Two tenants of a subterraneous abode might have presented an aspect 
to have frightened our doubloons into a surrender ; for courage was not one of 
the qualities I had imbibed at court; and Bertrand, my mule-driver, seemed 
not to be of a temper to get his brains blown out in defending a purse into 
which he had no free ingress. Scipio was the only one of the party who was 
anything of a bully. 

It was night when we came into town. Our lodgings were at an inn near 
my uncle, Gil Perez, the canon. I was very desirous of ascertaining the cir- 
cumstances of my parents before my first interview with them ; and, in order 
to gain that information, it was impossible to make my inquiries in a better 
channel than through my landlord and landlady, into the lines of whose faces 
you could not look without being satisfied that they knew every tittle of their 
neighbours' concerns. As it turned out, the landlord kenned me after a dili- 
gent perusal of my features, and cried out : By Saint Antony of Padua ! this is 
the son of the honest usher, Bias of Santillane. Ay, indeed! said the hostess ; 
and so it is : without a single muscle altered ! just for all the world that same 
little stripling Gil Bias, of whom we used to say that he was as saucy as he was 
high. It brings old times to my memory ! when he used to come hither with 
his bottle under his arm, to fetch wine for his uncle's supper. 

Madam, said 1, you have a most inveterate memory ; but for goodness' sake 
change the subject, and tell me the modern news of my family. My father and 
mother are doubtless in no very enviable situation. In good truth, you may 
say that, answered the landlady : you may rack your brains as long as you like, 
but you will never think of anything half so miserable as what they are suffering 
at this present moment. Gil Perez, good soul ! is defunct all down one side by 
a stroke of the palsy, and the other half of him is little better than a corpse ; 
we cannot expect him to last long : then your father, who went to live with his 
reverence a little while ago, is troubled with an inflammation of the lungs, and 
is standing, as a body may say, quavery-mavery between life and death ; while 
your mother, who is not over and above hale and hearty herself, is obliged to 
nurse them both. 

On this intelligence, which made me feel some compunctious yearnings of 
nature, I left Bertrand with my stud and baggage at the inn : then, with my 
secretary at my heels, who would not desert me in my time of need, I repaired 
to my uncle's house. The moment I came within my mother's reach, a natural 
emotion of maternal instinct unfolded to her who I was, before her eyes could 
possibly have run over the traces of my countenance. Son, said she, with a 
melancholy expression, after having embraced me, come and be present at 
your father's death ; your visit is just in time to take in all the piteous circum- 
stances of so deplorable an event. With this heart-rending reception, she led 
me by the hand into a chamber where the wretched Bias of Santillane, stretched 
on a comfortless bed, in cold and dismal accord with the thinness of his for- 
tunes, was just entering on the last great act of human nature. Though sur- 
rounded by the shades of death, he was not quite unconscious of what was 



GIL BLAS WITNESSES HIS FATHER'S DEATH 339 

passing about him. My dearest friend, said my mother, here is your son Gil 
Bias, who entreats your forgiveness for all his undutiful behaviour, and is come 
to ask your blessing before you die. At these tidings my father opened his eyes, 
which where on the point of closing for ever : he fixed them upon me ; and 
reading in my countenance, notwithstanding the awful brink on which he 
stood, that I was a sincere mourner for his loss, his feelings were recalled to 
sympathy by my sorrow. He even made an attempt to speak, but his strength 
was too much exhausted. I took one of his hands in mine, and while I bathed 
it with my tears, in speechless agony of soul, he breathed his last, as if he had 
only waited my arrival to pay the debt of nature, and wing his way to scenes 
of untried being. 

This event had been too long present to my mother's mind to overwhelm 
her with any unparalleled affliction. Perhaps it sat more heavily on me than 
on her, though my father had never in his life given me any reason to feel for 
him as a father. But besides that mere filial instinct would have made me 
weep over his cold remains, I reproached myself with not having contributed 
to the comfort of his latter days ; then, when I considered what a hard-hearted 
villain I had been, I seemed to myself like a monster of ingratitude, or rather 
like an impious parricide. My uncle, whom I afterwards saw lying at his 
length on another wretched couch, and in a most lamentable pickle, made me 
experience fresh agonies of upbraiding conscience. Unnatural son ! said I, 
communing with my own uneasy thoughts, behold the chastisement of heaven 
upon thy sins, in the disconsolate condition of thy nearest relations. Hadst 
thou but thrown to them the superflux of that abundance, in which before thy 
imprisonment thou rolledst, thou mightest have procured for them those little 
comforts which thy uncle's ecclesiastical pittance was too scanty to furnish, 
and perhaps have lengthened out the term of thy father's life. 

Gil Perez had fallen into a state of second childhood, and was, though 
numerically upon the list of the living, in every individual organ a mere corpse. 
His memory, nay, his very senses had retired from their allotted stations in his 
system. Bootless was it for me to strain him in my pious arms, and lavish 
outward tokens of affection on him : they might as well have been wasted on 
the desert air. To as little purpose did my mother ring in his unnerved ear, 
that I was his nephew Gil Bias ; he gazed at me with a vacant, stupid stare, 
and gave neither sign nor answer. Had the ties of consanguinity and gratitude 
been all too weak, to awaken my tender sympathy for an uncle, to whom I 
owed the means of my first launch into the world, the impression of helpless 
dotage on my senses must have softened me into something like the counterfeit 
of virtuous emotion. 

While this scene was passing, Scipio preserved a melancholy silence, sharing 
in all my sorrows, and mingling his sighs with mine in the chastised luxury of 
friendship. But concluding that my mother, after so long an absence, might 
wish to have some such conversation with me, as the presence of a stranger 
must rather repress than promote, I drew him aside, saying, Go, my good 
fellow, sit down quietly at the inn, and leave me here with my only surviving 
parent, who might consider your company as an intrusion, while talking over 
family affairs. Scipio withdrew, for fear of being a clog upon our confidence ; 
and I sat down with my mother to an interchange of communication, which 
lasted all night. We reciprocally gave a faithful account of all that had hap- 
pened to each of us, since my first sally from Oviedo. She related, in full 
measure and running over, all the petty insults, disappointments, and mortifi- 
cations, which she had undergone in her pilgrimage from house to house 
as a duenna. A great number of these little anecdotes it would have hurt my 
pride that my secretary should have noted down in his biographical budget, 



34Q GIL BLAS. 



though I had never concealed from him the ups and downs in the lottery of my 
own life. With all the respect I OAve to my mother's sainted memory, the 
good lady had not the knack of going the shortest road to the end of a story ; 
had she but pruned her own memoirs of all luxuriant circumstances, there 
would not have been materials for more than a tithe of her narrative. 

At length she got to the end of her tether, and I began my career. With re- 
spect to my general adventures, I passed them over lightly ; but when I came 
to speak of the visit which the son of Bertrand Muscada, the grocer of Oviedo, 
had paid me at Madrid, I enlarged with decent compunction on that dark article 
in the history of my life. I must frankly own, said I to my mother, that I gave 
that young fellow a very bad reception ; and he, doubtless, in revenge, must 
have drawn a hideous outline of my moral features. He did you more than 
justice, I trust, answered she ; for he told us that he found you so puffed and 
swollen with the good fortune thrust upon you by the prime minister, as scarce- 
ly to acknowledge him among your former acquaintance ; and when he gave 
you a moving description of our miseries, you listened as if you had no interest 
in the tale, or knowledge of the parties. But as fathers and mothers can always 
find some clue for palliation in the conduct of their graceless children, we were 
loth to believe that you had so bad a heart. Your arrival at Oviedo justifies 
our favourable interpretation, and those tears which are now flowing down your 
cheeks, are so many pledges either of your innocence or your reformation. 

Your constructions were too partial, replied I ; there was a great deal of 
truth in young Muscada's report. When he came to see me all my faculties 
were engrossed by vanity and mammon ; ambition, the prevailing devil which 
possessed me, left not a thought to throw away on the desolate condition of my 
parents. It therefore could be no wonder, if in such a disposition of mind I 
gave rather a freezing reception to a man who, accosting me in a peremptory 
style, took upon him to say, without mincing the matter, that it was well known 
I was as rich as a Jew, and therefore he advised me to send you a good round 
sum, seeing that you were very much put to your shifts : nay, he went so far as 
to reproach me, in phrase of more sincerity than good manners, with my unfeel- 
ing negligence of my family. His confounded personality stuck in my throat ; so 
that losing my little stock of patience, I shoved him fairly by the shoulders out 
of my closet. It must be confessed that I took the administration of justice a 
little too much into my own hands, being judge and party in the same cause ; 
neither was it proper that you should bear the brunt, because the grocer was a 
little anti-saccharine in his phraseology ; nor was his advice the less pertinent 
or just, though couched in homely terms, or urged with plodding vulgarity. 

All this came plump in the teeth of my conscience, the moment I had turned 
Muscada out of doors. The voice of natural instinct contrived to make its way ; 
my duty to my parents brought the blood into my face ; but it was the blush of 
shame for its neglect, and not the glow of triumph at its performance. Yet 
even my remorse can give me little credit in your eyes, since it was soon stifled 
in the fumes of avarice and ambition. But some time afterwards, having been 
safely lodged in the tower of Segovia by royal mandate, I fell dangerously ill 
there ; and that timely remembrancer was the cause of bringing back your son 
to you. So true is it, that sickness and imprisonment were my best moral tu- 
tors ; for they enabled nature to resume her rights, and weaned me effectually 
from the court. Henceforth all my dear delight is in solitude ; and my only 
business in the Asturias is to entreat that you would share with me in the mild 
pleasures of a retired life. If you reject not my earnest petition, I will attend 
you to an estate of mine in the kingdom of Valencia, and we will live there to- 
gether very comfortably. You are of course aware that I intended to take my 
father thither also : but since heaven has ordained it otherwise, let me at least 



FUNERAL OF GIL BLAS'S FA THER. 341 

have the satisfaction of affording an asylum to my mother, and making amends 
by all the attentions in my power for the fallow seasons in the former harvest 
of my filial duty. 

I accept your kind intentions in very good part, said my mother ; and would 
take the journey without hesitation, if I saw no obstacles in the way. But to 
desert your uncle in his present condition would be unpardonable ; and I am 
too much accustomed to this part of the country, to like living elsewhere : 
nevertheless, as the proposal deserves to be maturely weighed, I will consider 
further of it at my leisure. At. present, your father's funeral requires to be 
ordered and arranged. As for that, said I, we will leave it to the care of the 
young man whom you saw with me ; he is my secretaiy, with as clever a head 
and as good a heart as you have often been acquainted with ; let the business 
rest with him ; it cannot be in better hands. 

Hardly bad I pronounced these words, when Scipio came back ; for it was 
already broad day. He inquired whether he could be of any service in our 
present distresses. I answered that he was come just in time to receive some 
very important directions. As soon as he was made acquainted with the busi- 
ness in hand : A word to the wise ! said he : the whole procession with its ap- 
propriate heraldry is already marshalled in this head of mine ; you may trust 
me fox a veiy pretty funeral. Have a care, said my mother, to make it plain 
and decent without anything like pomp or parade. It can scarcely be too 
humble for my husband, whom all the town knows to have been low in rank, 
and indigent in circumstances. Madam, replied Scipio, though he had been 
the meanest and most destitute of the human race, I would not bate one button 
in the array of his posthumous honours. My master's credit is at stake in the 
proper conduct of the ceremony ; he has been in an ostensible situation under 
the Duke of Lerma, and his father ought to be buried with all the forms of state 
and nobility. 

I thought exactly as my secretary did upon the subject ; and even went so far 
as to bid him spare no expense on the occasion. A little leaven of vanity still 
fermented in the mass of my philosophy, and rose in my bosom with all the 
effervescence of its original lightness. I flattered myself that by lavishing 
posthumous honours on a father who had blessed the day of his decease by no 
lucrative bequest, I should instil into the conceptions of the bystanders a high 
sense of my generous nature. My mother, on her part, whatever airs of humi- 
lity she might put on, had no dislike to seeing her husband carried out with due 
observance of funeral pomp and ceremony. We therefore left Scipio to do just 
as he pleased ; and he, without a moment's delay, adopted all the necessary 
measures for the display of the undertaker's liveliest fancy. 

The genius of that artist was called forth but too successfully. His emblems, 
devices, and draperies, were so ostentatious, as to disgust instead of cajoling 
the natives : every individual, whether of the town or the suburbs, whether high 
or low, rich or poor, felt shocked and insulted by this after-thought parade. 
This ministerial beggar on horseback, said one, can put his hand into his pocket 
for his father's funeral baked meats, but never found in his heart wherewithal 
to furnish his living table with common necessaries. It would have been much 
more to the purpose, said another, to have made the old gentleman's latter 
days comfortable, than to have wasted such thriftless sums on a post obit 
act of filial munificence. In short, quips of the brain and peltings of the tongue 
pattered round our execrated heads. It would have been well had the storm 
been only a whirlwind of passion, or hurricane of words ; but we were all, 
Scipio, Bertrand, and myself, corporally admonished of our misdeeds, on our 
coming out of church ; they abused us like pickpockets, made mouths and 
odious noises as we passed, and followed Bertrand at his heels to the inn with a 



342 GIL BLAS. 



copious volley of stones and mud. To disperse the mob which had collected 
before my uncle's house, my mother was obliged to shew herself at the window, 
and to declare publicly, that she was thoroughly satisfied with my proceedings. 
Another detachment had filed off to the stable-yard where my carriage stood, 
in the full determination of breaking it to pieces ; and this they would inevit- 
ably have done, if the landlord and lady had not found some means of quieting 
their perturbed spirits, and turning them aside from their outrageous purpose. 

All these affronts, so revolting to my dignity, the effect of the tales which the 
young grocer had been spreading about town, inspired me with such a thorough 
hatred for my native place, that I determined on quitting Oviedo almost im- 
mediately, though but for this bustle I might have made it my residence for 
some time. I announced my intention, with the reasons of it, to my mother, 
who, considering my uncouth reception as no very nattering compliment to 
herself, did not urge my longer stay among people so little inclined to treat me 
civilly. The only point remaining now to be discussed was her future destiny 
and provision. My dear mother, said I, since my uncle stands so much in need 
of your attendance, I will no longer urge you to go along with me ; but, as his 
days seem likely to be very few on earth, you must promise to come and take 
up your abode with me at my farm, as soon as the last duties are performed to 
his honoured remains. 

I shall make no such promise, answered my mother, for I mean to pass the 
remnant of my days in the Asturias, and in a state of perfect independence. 
Will you not on all occasions, replied I, be absolute mistress in my household ? 
May be so, and may be not ! rejoined she : you have only to fall in love with 
some flirt of a girl, and then you will marry : then she will be my daughter-in- 
law, and I shall be her stepmother ; and then we shall live together as step- 
mothers and daughters-in-law usually do. Your prognostics, said I, are fetched 
from a great distance. I have not at present the most remote intention of enter- 
ing into the happy state : but even though such a whim should take possession 
of my brain, I will pledge myself for instructing my wife betimes in an implicit 
submission to your will and pleasure. That is giving security, without the 
means of making good your contract, replied my mother : you would scarcely 
be able to justify bail. I would not even swear that in our sparring-matches, 
you might not take your wife's part in preference to mine, however ill she 
might behave, or however unreasonably she might argue. 

You talk very excellent sense, madam, cried my secretary, coming in for his 
share of the conversation : I think just as you do, that docility is about as much 
the virtue of a donkey as of a daughter-in-law. As the matter stands, that 
that there may be no difference of opinion between my master and you, since 
you are absolutely determined to live asunder, you in the Asturias, and he in 
the kingdom of Yalencia, he must allow you an annuity of a hundred pistoles, 
and send me hither eveiy year for the payment. By thus arranging matters, 
mother and son will be very good friends, with an interval of two hundred 
leagues between them. The parties concerned fell in at once with the proposal : 
I paid the first year in advance, and stole out of Oviedo the next morning before 
dawn, for fear of vying with Saint Stephen in popular favour. Such were the 
/ charms of my return to my native place. An admirable lesson this for those 
successful upstarts, who having gone abroad to make their fortunes, come home 
to be the purse-proud tyrants of their birth-place. 



GIL BLAS ARRIVES A T HIS SEA T. 343 



Ch. III. — Gil Bias sets out for Valencia, and arrives at Lirias ; description of 
his seat ; the particulars of his reception, and the characters of the inhabitants 
he found there. 

We took the road for Leon, afterwards that of Palencia ; and, continuing our 
journey by short stages, arrived on the evening of the tenth day at the town of 
Segorba, whence early on the morrow we repaired to my seat, at the distance 
of very little more than three leagues. In proportion as we approached nearer, 
it was amusing to see with what a longing eye my secretary looked at all the 
estates which lay in our way, to the right and left of the road. Whenever he 
caught a glimpse of any which bespoke the rank and opulence of its owner, 
he never missed pointing at it with his finger, and wishing that were the place 
of our retreat. 

I know not, my good friend, said I, what idea you have formed of our habit- 
ation ; but if you have taken it into your head that ours is a magnificent house, 
with the domain of a great landed proprietor, I warn you in time that you are 
laying much too flattering an unction to your vanity. 

If you have no mind to be the dupe of a warm imagination, figure to your- 
self the little ornamented cottage which Horace fitted up near Tibur in the 
country of the Sabines, on a small farm, the fee-simple of which was given him 
by Maecenas. Don Alphonso has made me jttst such another present, more as 
a token of affection than for the value of the thing. Then I must expect to see 
nothing but a dirty hovel ! exclaimed Scipio. Bear in mind, replied I, that I 
have always given you quite an unvarnished description of my place ; and now, 
even at this moment, you may judge for yourself whether I have not stuck to 
truth and nature in my representations. Just carry your eye along the course 
of the Guadalaviar, and observe at a little distance from the further bank, near 
that hamlet, consisting of nine or ten tenements, a house with four small turrets; 
that is my mansion. 

The deuce and all ! stammered out my secretary, short-breathed with sud- 
den admiration : why, that house is one of the prettiest things in nature. Be- 
sides the castellated air which those turrets give it, all the beauties of situation 
and architecture, fertility of soil, and perfection of landscape, combine to rival 
or excel the immediate neighbourhood of Seville, complimented as it is for its 
picturesque attractions by the appellation of an eaiihly paradise. Had we 
chosen the place of our settlement for ourselves, it could not have been more 
to my taste : a river meanders through the grounds, distilling plenty and ver- 
dure from its fertilizing bosom ; the leafy honours of an umbrageous wood 
invite the mid-day walk, and qualify the temperature of the seasons. What a 
heavenly abode of solitude and contemplation ! Ah ! my dear master, we shall 
act very foolishly if we are in a hurry to run away from our happiness. I am 
delighted, answered I, that you are so well satisfied with the retreat provided 
for us, though yet acquainted with only a small part of its attractions. 

As we were chatting in this strain, we got nearer and nearer to the house, 
where the door opened, as by magic, the moment Scipio announced Signor Gil 
Bias de Santillane, who was coming to take possession of his estate. At the 
mention of this name, received with reverential homage by the people who had 
been instructed in the transfer of their obedience, my carriage was admitted 
intp a large court, where I alighted ; then leaning with all my weight upon 
Scipio, as if walking was a derogation from my dignity, and putting on the 
great man after the most consequential models, I reached the hall, where, on 
my entrance, seven or eight servants made their obeisances. They told me 
they were come to welcome their new master with their best loves and duties : 



344 GIL BLAS. 



that Don Caesar and Don Alphonso de Leyva had chosen them to form my 
establishment, one in quality of" cook, another as under-cook, a third as scullion, 
a fourth as porter, and the rest as footmen ; with an express injunction to 
receive no wages or perquisites, as those two noblemen meant to defray all the 
expenses of my household. The cook, Master Joachim by name, was com- 
mander-in-chief of this battalion, and announced to me the whole array of the 
campaign ; he declared that he had laid in a large stock of the choicest wines 
in Spain, and insinuated that for the solid supply of the table, he nattered him- 
self a person of his education and experience, who had been six years at the 
head of my Lord Archbishop of Valencia's kitchen, must know how to dish up 
a dinner so as to meet the ideas of the most fastidious layman in Christendom. 
But the proof of the pudding is in the eating, added he; so I will just go and 
give you a specimen of my talent. You had better take a walk, my lord, while 
dinner is getting ready : look about the premises ; and see whether you find 
them in tenantable condition for a person of your lordship's dignity. 

The reader may guess whether I did not stir my stumps ; and Scipio, still 
more eager than myself to take a bird's eye inventory of our goods and chattels, 
dragged me back and fore from room to room. There was not a corner of the 
house that we did not peep into, from the garret to the cellar : not a closet or a 
cranny, at least as we supposed, could escape our prying curiosity; and in 
every fresh room we went into, I had occasion to admire the kindness of Don 
Caesar and his son towards me. I was struck, among other things, with two 
apartments, which were as elegantly furnished as they could be, Avithout mis- 
placed magnificence. One of them was hung with tapestry, the celebrated 
manufacture of the Low Countries ; the velvet bed and chairs were still very 
handsome, though in the fashion of the time when the Moors possessed the 
kingdom of Valencia. The furniture of the other room was in the same taste ; 
to wit, an old suit of hangings, made of yellow Genoa damask, with a bed and 
arm-chairs to match, fringed with blue silk. All these effects, which would 
have furnished but a sorry display in an upholsterer's shop, made no contempti- 
ble appearance in their present situation. 

After having rummaged over every article of the paraphernalia, my secretary 
and myself returned to the dining-room, where the cloth was laid for two ; we 
sat down ; and in an instant they served up so delicious an olla podrida, that 
we could not help revolving on the various turns of the fate below which had 
parted the good Archbishop of Valencia from his cook. We had in truth a 
most catholic and ravenous appetite ; a circumstance which added new zest to 
our praises and enjoyments. Between every succeeding help my servants, 
with all the alacrity of fresh and holiday sendee, filled our large glasses to the 
brim with wine, the choicest vintage of La Mancha. Scipio, not thinking it 
genteel to express aloud the inward chucklings of his heart at our dainty fare, 
winked and nodded his delight, and spoke by signs, which I returned with the 
like dumb eloquence of overflowing satisfaction. The remove was a dish of 
roast quails, flanking a little leveret in high order, just kept long enough ; for 
this we left our hash, good as it was, and gorged ourselves to a surfeit on the 
game. When we had eaten as if we had never eaten before, and pledged one 
another in due proportion, we rose from table and went into the garden to look 
out for some cool, pleasant spot, and take our afternoon's nap voluptuously. 

If hitherto my secretary had goggled satisfaction at what he had seen, he 
stared wider and grinned broader at this vista vision of the garden. He scarcely 
allowed the comparison to be in favour of the Escurial. The reason of its ex- 
treme niceness was that Don Caesar, who came backwards and forwards to 
Lirias, took pleasure in improving and ornamenting it. All the walks well 
gravelled and lined with orange trees, a large reservoir of white marble, with a 



GIL BLAS'S RECEPTION A T LIRIAS. 345 

lion in bronze spouting water like a dolphin's deputy in the middle, the beauty 
of the flower borders, the profusion and variety of the fruit trees ; such pretty 
particulars as these made Scipio smack his lips and snuff the air ; but his rap- 
tures reached their summit at the gradual descent of a long walk, leading to 
the bailiffs cottage, and over-arched by the interwoven boughs of the trees 
planted on each side. While eulogizing a place so well adapted for a refuge 
from the intenseness of the heat, we made a halt, and sat down at the foot of 
an elm, where sleep required very little cunning to entangle two high-fed, half- 
tipsy blades, just risen from so voluptuous and voracious a repast. 

In about two hours we were startled out of our sleep by the report of mus- 
ketry, popping so near the head-quarters of our repose that we apprehended 
the camp to be attacked. On the alert ! was the first idea that invaded our 
dozing minds. That we might procure the most authentic intelligence, in what 
direction the enemy was approaching, we directed our march towards the bai- 
liffs tenement. There were collected eight or ten clodhoppers, all friends and < 
neighbours, assembled on the green for the purpose of honouring my arrival, 
just communicated to the vacant senses of the said clodhoppers, by a discharge 
of fire-arms, whose barrels and furniture might thank me for the unusual favour 
of a thorough cleaning. The greater part of them were acquainted with my per- 
son, having seen me more than once at the castle, while engaged in the business 
of my stewardship. No sooner did they set eyes on me, than they all shouted 
in unison : Long life to our new lord and master ! welcome to Lirias ! Then 
they loaded once again, and fired another volley in honour of the occasion. 
My habits and manners were softened down to the most condescending urbanity, 
though with a decorous infusion of distance, lest any degrading constructions 
might be put upon too unlimited a freedom of address. With respect to my 
protection, I promised it according to the customary charter of newly-installed 
possessors ; and went so far as to throw them a purse of twenty pistoles : and 
this, in my opinion, was the point of all others in my conduct which touched 
their hearts most nearly. After this benefaction, I left them at liberty to waste 
as much powder as they pleased, and withdrew with my secretary into the 
wood, where we walked to and fro till night-fall, without being at all tired of 
our rural prospect : so many charms had the view of a landscape, heightened 
by the substantial beauties of ownership in fee-simple, to our elevated and de- 
lighted imaginations. 

The cook, the under-cook, and the scullion were not resting upon their oars 
all this time : they were working hard to fit up for us an artifice of belly timber 
more magnificent that what we had already demolished ; so that we were over 
head and ears in amazement, when on our return to the room where we had dined, 
we saw on the table a dish of four roast partridges, with a smothered rabbit on 
one side, and a fricasseed capon on the other. The second course consisted of 
pigs' ears, jugged game, and chocolate cream. We drank deeply of the most 
delicious wines, and began to think of going to bed, when it became a matter of 
doubt whether we could sit up any longer. Then my people, with lighted can- 
dles before me, led the way to the best bed-room, where they were all most 
officious in assisting to undress me : but when they had tendered me my 
gown and nightcap, I dismissed them with an authoritative undulation of my 
hand, signifying that their services were dispensed with for the remainder of 
that night. 

Thus I sent them all about their business, keeping Scipio for a little private 
conference between ourselves ; and I led to it by asking him what he thought 
of my reception, as arranged by order of my noble patrons. Indeed and in- 
deed, answered he, the human heart could not devise anything more delicious ; 
I only wish we may go on as we have begun. I have no wish of the kind, re- 



346 GIL BLAS. 



plied I : it is contrary to my principles to allow that my benefactors should put 
themselves to so much expense on my account ; it would be a downright fraud 
upon their benevolence. Besides, I could never feel myself at home with serv- 
ants in the pay of other people ; it is just like living in a lodging or an inn. 
Then it is to be remembered, that I did not come hither to live upon so ex- 
pensive a scale. What occasion have we for so large an establishment of serv- 
ants ? Our utmost want, with Bertrand, is a cook, a scullion, and a footman. 
Though my secretary would not have been at all sorry to table for a continu- 
ance at the governor of Valencia's expense, he did not oppose his own luxurious 
taste to my moral delicacy, but conformed at once to my sentiments, and ap- 
proved the reduction I was meditating to introduce. That point being decided, 
he left my chamber, and betook himself to his pillow in his own. 

Ch. IV. — A journey to Valencia, and a visit to the lords of ' Leyva. The convers- 
ation of the gentlemen, and Seraphbid 's demeanour. 

I GOT my clothes off as soon as possible, and went to bed, where, finding no 
great inclination to sleep, I communed with my own thoughts. The mutual 
attachment between the lords of Leyva and myself was uppermost in the various 
topics of my contemplation. With my heart full of their late kindness, I determin- 
ed on setting out for their residence the next day, and quenching my impatience 
to thank them for their favours. Neither was it a slender gratification to anti- 
cipate another interview with Seraphina ; though there was somewhat of alloy 
in that pleasure : it was impossible to reflect without shuddering, that I should 
at the same time have to encounter the glances of Dame Lorenza Sephora, who 
might not be greatly delighted at the renewal of our acquaintance, should her 
memory happen to stumble upon the circumstances connected with a certain 
box on the ear. With my mind exhausted by all these different suggestions, 
my eyelids at length closed, and the sun had peeped in at my window long 
before they turned upon their hinges. 

I was soon out of bed ; and dressed myself with all possible expedition, in 
the earnest desire of prosecuting my intended journey. Just as I had finished 
my hasty operations, my secretary came into the room. Scipio, said I, you 
behold a man on the point of setting out for Valencia. I ought to lose no time 
in paying my respects to those noblemen to whom I am indebted for my little 
independence. Every moment of delay in the performance of this duty throws 
a new weight of ingratitude on my conscience. As for you, my friend, there 
is no necessity for your attendance ; stay here during my absence ; I shall come 
back to you within the space of a week. Heaven speed you, sir ! answered he 
— be sure you do not slight Don Alphonso and his father — they seem to me to 
thrill with the kindly vibrations of friendship, and to be unbounded in their 
acknowledgment of obligation : gratitude and benevolence are so uncommon in 
people of rank, that they deserve to be made the most of where found. I sent 
a message to Bertrand, to hold himself in readiness for setting out, and took my 
chocolate while he was harnessing the mules. When all was prepared, I got 
into my carriage, after having directed my people to consider my secretary as 
master of the house in my absence, and to obey his orders as if they were my 
own. 

I got to Valencia in less than four hours, and drove at once to the governor's 
stables, where I alighted and left my equipage. On going to the house, I was 
informed that Don Caesar and his son were together. I did not wait for an in- 
troduction, but went in without ceremony ; and addressing myself to both of 
them, Servants, said I, never send in their names to their masters ; here is an 
old piece of family furniture, not ornamental indeed, but of a fashion when 



A VISIT TO THE LORDS OF LEYVA. 347 

gratitude was neither out of date nor out of countenance. These words were 
accompanied with an effort to throw myself on my knees ; but they anticipated 
my purpose, and embraced me one after the other with all possible evidence of 
sincere affection. Well, then, my dear Santillane, said Don Alphonso, you 
have been at Lirias to take possession of your little property. Yes, my lord, 
answered I ; and my next request is, that you would be pleased to take it back 
again. What is your reason for that ? replied he. Is there anything about it 
at all offensive to your taste ? Not in the place itself, rejoined I : on the con- 
trary, that is everything that my heart can wish ; the only fault I have to find 
with it is, that the kitchen smells too strongly of the hierarchy ; a lay Christian 
should not live like an archbishop ; besides that, there are three times as many 
servants as are necessary, and consequently you are put to an expense at once 
enormous and useless. 

Had you accepted the annuity of two thousand ducats which we offered you 
at Madrid, said Don Caesar, we should have thought it enough to give you the 
mansion furnished as it is : but you know, you refused it ; and we felt it but 
right to do what we have done as an equivalent. Your bounty has been too 
lavish, answered I : the gift of the estate was the utmost limit to which it should 
have been extended, and that was more than sufficient to crown my largest 
wishes. But to say nothing about what it has cost you to keep up so great and 
expensive an establishment, I declare to you most solemnly that these people 
stand in my way, and are a great annoyance. In one word, gentlemen, either 
take back your boon, or give me leave to enjoy it in my own way. I pronounced 
these last words so much as if I was in earnest, that the father and son, not 
meaning to lay me under any unpleasant restraint, at length gave me their per- 
mission to manage my household as it should seem expedient to my better 
judgment. 

I was thanking them very kindly for having granted me that privilege, with- 
out which a dukedom would have been but splendid slavery, when Don Al- 
phonso interrupted me by saying : My dear Gil Bias, I will introduce you to a 
lady who will be extremely happy to see you. Thus preparing me for the in- 
terview, he took me by the hand and led the way to Seraphina's apartment, who 
setup a scream of joy on recognizing me. Madam, said the governor, I flatter 
myself that the visit of our friend Santillane at Valencia is not less acceptable 
to you than myself. On that head, answered she, he may rest confidently as- 
sured ; time has not obliterated the remembrance of the service which he once 
rendered me, and to that must be added a new debt of gratitude incurred on 
the score of your obligations. I told the governor's lady that I was already 
too well requited for the danger which I had shared in common with her de- 
liverers, in exposing my life for her sake : compliments to the like effect were 
bandied about for some time on both sides, when Don Alphonso motioned to 
quit Seraphina's room. We then went back to Don Caesar, whom we found 
in the saloon with a fashionable party, who were come to dinner. 

All these gentleman were introduced, and paid their compliments to me in 
the politest manner ; nor did their attentions relax in assiduity, when Don 
Caesar told them that I had been one of the Duke of Lerma's principal secre- 
taries. In all likelihood several of them might not be unacquainted that Don 
Alphonso had been promoted to the government of Valencia by my interest, 
for political secrets are seldom kept. However that might be, while we were 
at table, the conversation principally turned on the new cardinal. Some of the 
company either were, or affected to be, his unqualified admirers, while others 
allowed his merit upon the whole, but thought it had been rather overrated. I 
plainly saw through their design of drawing me on to enlarge on the subject of 
his eminence, and to gratify their taste for scandal with court anecdotes at his 



348 GIL BLAS. 



expense. I could have been well enough pleased to have delivered my real 
sentiments on his character, but I kept my tongue within my teeth, and thereby 
passed in the estimation of the guests for a close, confidential, politic, trust- 
worthy young statesman. 

The party respectively retired home after dinner to take their usual nap, when 
Don Caesar and his son, yielding to a similar inclination, shut themselves up in 
their apartments. 

For my own part, full of impatience to see a town which I had so often heard 
extolled for its beauty, I went out of the governor's palace with the intention of 
walking through the streets. At the gate a man accosted me with the following 
address : Will Signor de Santillane allow me to take the liberty of paying my 
respects to him ? I asked him who and what he was. I am Don Caesar's valet- 
de-chambre, answered he, but was one of his ordinary footmen during your 
stewardship ; I used to make my court to you every morning, and you used to 
take a great deal of notice of me. I regularly gave you intelligence of what 
was passing in the house. Do you recollect my apprising you one day that the 
village surgeon of Leyva was privately admitted into Dame Lorenza Sephora's 
bedchamber ? It is a circumstance which I have by no means forgotten, replied 
I. But now that we are talking of that formidable duenna, what is become of 
her ? Alas ! resumed he, the poor creature moped and dwindled after your 
departure, and at length gave up the ghost, more to the grief of Seraphina than 
of Don Alphonso, who seemed to consider her death as no great evil. 

Don Caesar's valet-de-chambre, having thus acquainted me with Sephora's 
melancholy end, made an humble apology for having presumed to stop my walk, 
and then left me to continue my progress. I could not help paying the tribute 
of a sigh to the memory of that ill-fated duenna ; and her decease affected me 
the more, because I taxed myself with that melancholy catastrophe, though a 
moment's reflection would have convinced me, that the grave owed its precious 
prey to the inroads of her cancer rather than to the cruel charms of my person. 

I looked with an eye of pleasure upon everything worth notice in the town. 
The archbishop's marble palace feasted my eyes with all the magnificence of 
architecture ; nor were the piazzas which surrounded the exchange much in- 
ferior in commercial grandeur ; but a large building at a distance, with a great 
crowd standing before the doors, attracted all my attention. I went nearer, to 
ascertain the reason why so great a concourse of both sexes was collected, and 
was soon let into the secret by reading the following inscription in letters of gold 
on a tablet of black marble over the door : La Posada de los Bepresentautes. * 
The play-bills announced for that day a new tragedy, never performed, and gave 
the name of Don Gabriel Triaquero as the author. 

Ch. Y.—Gil Bias goes to the play, and sees a new tragedy. The success of the 
piece. The public taste at Valencia. 

I STOPPED for some minutes before the door, to make my remarks on the peo- 
ple who were going in. There were some of all sorts and sizes. Here was a 
knot of genteel-looking fellows, whose tailors at least had done justice to their 
fashionable pretensions ; there a mob of ill-favoured and ill-mannered mor- 
tals, in a garb to identify vulgarity. To the right was a bevy of noble ladies, 
alighting from their carriages to take possession of their private boxes ; to the 
left a tribe of female traders in lubricity, who came to sell their wares in the 
lobby. This mixed concourse of spectators, as various in their minds as in 
their faces, gave me an itching inclination to increase their number. Just as I 

* The theatre. 



THE THEATRE AT VALENCIA. 349 

was taking my check, the governor and his lady drove up. They spied me out 
in the crowd, and having sent for me, took me with them to their box, where I 
placed myself behind them, in such a position as to converse at my ease with 
either. 

The theatre was filled with spectators from the ceiling downwards, the pit 
thronged almost to suffocation, and the stage crowded with knights of the three 
military orders. Here is a full house ! said I to Don Alphonso. You are not 
to consider that as anything extraordinary, answered he ; the tragedy now about 
to be produced is from the pen of Don Gabriel Triaquero, the most fashionable 
dramatic writer of his day. Whenever the play -bill announces any novelty from 
this favourite author, the whole town of Valencia is in a bustle. The men as 
well as the women talk incessantly on the subject of the piece : all the boxes 
are taken ; and, on the first night of performance, there is a risk of broken 
limbs in getting in, though the price of admission is doubled, with the exception 
of the pit, which is too authoritative a part of the house for the proprietors to 
tamper with its patience. What a paroxysm of partiality ! said I to the governor. 
This eager curiosity of the public, this hot-headed impatience to be present at 
the first representation of Don Gabriel's pieces, gives me a magnificent idea of 
that poet's genius. 

At this period of our conversation the curtain rose. We immediately left off 
talking, to fix our whole attention on the stage. The applauses were rapturous 
even at the prologue : as the performance advanced, every sentiment and 
situation, nay, almost every line of the piece called forth a burst of acclamation ; 
and at the end of each act the clapping of hands was so loud and incessant, as 
almost to bring the building about our ears. After the dropping of the curtain, 
the author was pointed out to me, going about from box to box, and with all 
the modesty of a successful poet, submitting his head to the imposition of those 
laurels, which the genteeler, and especially the fairer part of the audience had 
prepared for his coronation. 

We returned to the governor's palace, where we were met by a party of three 
or four gentlemen. Besides these mere amateurs, there were two veteran 
authors of considerable eminence in their line, and a gentleman of Madrid with 
tolerably fair claims to critical authority and judgment. They had all been at 
the play. The new piece was the only topic of conversation during supper-time. 
Gentlemen, said a knight of St James, what do you think of this tragedy ? Has 
it not every claim to the character of a finished work ? Thoughts that breathe, 
and words that burn, a hand to touch the true chords of pity, and sweep the 
lyre of poetry ; requisites how rarely, and yet how admirably united ! In a 
word, it is the performance of a person mixing in the higher circles of society. 
There can be no possible difference of opinion on that subject, said a knight of 
Alcantara. The piece is full of strokes which Apollo himself might have aimed, 
and of perplexities contrived so that none but the author himself could have 
unravelled them. I appeal to that acute and ingenious stranger, added he, 
addressing his discourse to the Castilian gentleman ; he looks to me like a good 
judge, and I will lay a wager that he is on my side of the question. Take care 
how you stake on an uncertainty, my worthy knight, answered the gentleman 
with a sarcastic smile. I am not of your provincial school ; we do not pass our 
judgment so hastily at Madrid. Far from sentencing a piece on its first repre- 
sentation, we are jealous of its apparent merit while aided by scenic deception ; 
our fancies and our feelings may be carried away for the moment, but our 
serious decision is suspended till we have read the work ; and the most common 
result of its appeal to the press is a defalcation from its powers of pleasing on 
the stage. 

Thus you perceive, pursued he, that it is our practice to examine a work of 



350 GIL BLAS. 



genius closely before we stamp on it the mark of a stock piece : its author's 
fame, let it ring as loudly as it may, can never confound our exactness of dis- 
crimination. When Lope de Vega himself or Calderona ventured on the 
boards, they encountered rigid critics, though in an audience which doted on 
them : critics who would not sign their passport to the regions of immortality 
till they had sifted their claims to be admitted there. 

That is a little too much, interrupted the knight of St James. We are not 
quite so cautious as you. It is not our custom to wait for the printing of a piece in 
order to decide on its reputation. By the very first performance it sinks or swims. 
It does not even seem necessary to be inconveniently attentive to the business 
of the stage. It is sufficient that we know it for a production of Don Gabriel, 
to be persuaded that it combines every excellence. The works of that poet 
may justly be considered as commencing a new era, and fixing the criterion of 
good taste. The school of Lope and Calderona was the mere cart of Thespis, 
compared with the polished scenes of this great dramatic master. The gentle- 
man, who looked up to Lope and Calderona as the Sophocles and Euripides of 
the Spaniards, could not easily be brought to acknowledge such wild canons of 
criticism. This is dramatic heresy with a vengeance ! exclaimed he. Since 
you compel me, gentlemen, to decide like you on the fallacious evidence of a 
first night, I must tell you that I am not at all satisfied with this new tragedy of 
your Don Gabriel. As a poem it abounds more with glittering conceits than 
with passages of pathos or delineations of nature. The verses, three out of 
four, are defective either in measure or rhyme ; the characters, clumsily imagined 
or incongruously supported ; and the thoughts have often the obscurity of a riddle 
without its ingenuity. 

The two authors at table, who, with a prudence equally commendable and 
unusual, had said nothing for fear of lying under the imputation of jealousy, 
could not help assenting to the last speaker's opinions by their looks ; which 
warranted me in concluding that their silence was less owing to the perfection 
of the work than to the dictates of personal policy. As for the military critics, 
they got to their old topic of ringing the changes on Don Gabriel, and exalted 
him to a level with the under-tenants of Olympus. This extravagant association 
with the demi-gods, this blind and stiff-necked idolatry, divorced the Castilian 
from his little stock of patience, so that, raising his hands to heaven, he broke 
out abruptly into a volley of enthusiasm : O divine Lope de Vega, sublime and 
unrivalled genius, who has left an immeasurable space between thee and all the 
Gabriels Vho would light their tapers from thy bright effulgence ! and thou, 
mellow, soft- voiced Calderona, whose elegance and sweetness, rejecting bus- 
kined rant and tragic swell, reign with undisputed sway over the affections, fear 
not, either of you, lest your altars should be overturned by this tongue-tied 
nursling of the muses ! It will be the utmost of his renown, if posterity, before 
whose eyes your works shall live in daily view, and form their dear delight, 
shall enrol his name, as matter of history and curious record, on the list of 
obsolete authors. 

This, animated apostrophe, for which the company was not at all prepared, 
raised a hearty laugh, after which we all rose from table and withdrew. An 
apartment had been got ready for me by Don Alphonso's. order, where I found 
a good bed ; and my lordship, lying down in luxurious weariness, went to sleep 
upon the tag of the Castilian gentleman's impassioned vindication, and dreamed 
most crustily of the injustice done to Lope and Calderona by ignorant pre- 
tenders. 



GIL BLAS MEETS WITH RAPHAEL AND LA MELA. 351 



Ch. "VI. — Gil Bias, walking about the streets of Valencia, meets with a man of 
sanctity, whose pious face he has seen somewhere else. What sort of man this 
man of sanctity turns out to be. 

As I had not been able to complete my view of the city on the preceding day, 
I got up betimes in the morning with the intention of taking another walk. In 
the street I remarked a Carthusian friar, who doubtless was thus early in motion 
to promote the interests of his order. He walked with his eyes fixed on the 
ground, and a gait so holy and contemplative, as to inspire every passenger 
with religious aAve. His path was in the same direction as mine. I looked at 
him with more than ordinary curiosity, and could not help fancying it was Don 
Raphael, that man of shifts and expedients, who has already secured so hon- 
ourable a niche in the temple of fame. {See Boohs I. to VI. of my Memoirs. ) 

I was 30 utterly astonished, so thrown off my balance by this meeting, that 
instead of accosting the monk, I remained motionless for some seconds, which 
gave him time to get the start of me. Just heaven ! said I, were there ever 
two faces more exactly alike ? I do not know what to make of it ! It seems 
incredible that Raphael should turn up in such a guise ! And yet how is it 
possible to be any one else ? I felt too great a curiosity to get at the truth not 
to pursue the inquiry. Having ascertained the way to the monastery of the 
Carthusians, I repaired thither immediately, in the hope of coming across the 
object of my search on his return, and with the full intent of stopping and par- 
leying with him. But it was quite unnecessary to wait for his arrival to en- 
lighten my mind on the subject : on reaching the convent gate, another physi- 
ognomy, such as few persons had read without paying for their lesson, resolved 
all my doubts into certainty ; for the friar who served in the capacity of porter 
was unquestionably my old and godly-visaged servant, Ambrose de Lamela. 

Our surprise was equal on both sides at meeting again in such a place. Is 
not this a play upon the senses ? said I, paying my compliments to him. Is it 
actually one of my friends who presents himself to my astonished sight ? He 
did not know me again at first, or probably might pretend not to do so ; but 
reflecting within himself that it was in vain to deny his own identity, he assumed 
the start of a man who all at once hits upon a circumstance which had hitherto 
escaped his recollection. Ah, Signor Gil Bias ! exclaimed he, excuse my not 
recognizing your person immediately. Since I have lived in this holy place, 
every faculty of my soul has been absorbed in the performance of the duties 
prescribed by our rules, so that by degrees I lose the remembrance of all worldly 
objects and events. 

After a separation of ten years, said I, it gives me much pleasure to find you 
again in so venerable a garb. For my part, answered he, it fills me with 
shame and confusion to appear in it before a man who has been an eye-witness 
of my guilty courses. These ghostly weeds are at once the charm of my present 
life, and the condemnation of my former. Alas ! added he, heaving a righteous 
sigh, to be worthy of wearing it, my earlier years should have been passed in 
primitive innocence. By this discourse, so rational and edifying, replied I, it 
is plain, my dear brother, that the finger of the Lord has been upon you, that 
you are marked out for a vessel of sanctification. I tell you once again, I am 
delighted at it, and would give the woi'ld to know in what miraculous manner 
you and Raphael were led into the path of the righteous ; for I am persuaded 
that it was his own self whom I met in the town, habited as a Carthusian. I 
was extremely sorry afterwards not to have stopped and spoken to him in the 
street ; and I am waiting here to apologize for my neglect on his return. 

You were not mistaken, said Lamela, it was Don Raphael himself whom 



352 GIL BLAS. 



you saw ; and as for the particulars of our conversion, they are as follow : After 
parting with you near Segorba, we struck into the Valencia road, with the design 
of bettering our trade by some new speculation. Chance or destiny one day 
led our steps into the church of the Carthusians, while service was performing 
in the choir. The demeanour of the brethren attracted our notice, and we 
experienced in our own persons the involuntary homage which vice pays to vir- 
tue. We admired the fervour with which they poured forth their devotions, 
their looks of pious mortification, their deadness to the pleasures of the world 
and the flesh, and in the settled composure of their countenances, the outw? 
sign of an approving conscience within. 

While making these observations, we fell into a train of thought which 
like manna to the hungry and thirsty soul : we compared our habit 
the employments of these holy men, and the wide difference bet'- '.' ' 
ual conditions filled us with confusion and affright. Lamela, s 
as we went out of church, how do you stand affected b T ' 
seen ? For my part, there is no disguising the truth, n. 
Emotions, new and indescribable, are rushing upon my mil. 
time in my life, I reproach myself with the wickedness of n I 

am just in the same temper of soul, answered I ; my iniquities .vn up 

in array against me, they beset me, they stare me in the fa ,iy heart, 

hitherto proof against all the arrows of remorse, is at this moment L.iOt through, 
torn and disfigured, tormented and destroyed. Ah ! my dear Ambrose, resumed 
my partner, we are two stray sheep, whom our Heavenly Father, in mercy, 
would lead back gently to the fold. It is he himself, my child, it is he who 
warms and guides us. Let us not be deaf to the call of his voice ; let us abandon 
all our wicked courses, let us begin from this day to work out our salvation 
with diligence and in the spirit of repentance : we had better spend the re- 
mainder of our days in this convent, and consecrate them to penitence and 
devotion. 

I applauded Raphael's sentiment, continued brother Ambrose ; and we 
formed the glorious resolution of becoming Carthusians. To carry it into effect, 
we applied to the venerable prior, who was no sooner made acquainted with 
our purpose, than to ascertain whether our call was from the world above or 
the world beneath, he appointed us to cells, and all the strictness of monkish 
discipline, for a whole year. We acted up to the rules with equal regularity 
and fortitude, and, by way of reward, were admitted among the novices. Our 
condition was so much what we wished it, and our hearts were so full of religious 
zeal, that we underwent the toils of our noviciate with unflinching courage. 
When that was over, we professed ; after which, Don Raphael, appearing 
admirably well qualified, both by natural talent and various experience, for the 
management of secular concerns, was chosen assistant to an old friar who was 
at that time proctor. The son of Lucinda would infinitely have preferred 
dedicating every remaining moment of his existence to prayer ; but he found it 
necessary to sacrifice his taste for devotion, in furtherance of the general pros- 
perity. He entered with so much zeal and knowledge into the interests of the 
house, that he was considered as the most eligible person to succeed the old 
proctor, who died three years afterwards. Don Raphael accordingly fills that 
office at present ; and it may be truly said that he discharges his duty to the 
entire satisfaction of all our fathers, who praise in the highest terms his conduct 
in the administration of our temporalities. What is most of all miraculous, and 
shews the hand of heaven in his conversion, is that, with such an accumulation 
of business rushing in upon him in his bursarial department, his regards are 
inalienably fixed on the world to come. When business leaves him but a moment 
to recruit nature, instead of lavishing the short period in indulgence, his thoughts 



GIL BIAS EXHORTED TO PIETY. 353 

wing their way into the regions of devout and holy meditation. In short, he is 
the most exemplary member of this body. 

At this period of our conversation I interrupted Lamela by an ebullition of 
joy to which I gave vent at the sight of Raphael coming in. Here he is ! 
exclaimed I : behold that righteous bursar for whom I have been so impatiently 
waiting. With a leap and a bound did I run to meet and embrace him. He 
submitted to the hug with his newly-acquired resignation ; and, without betray- 
ing the slightest shock at meeting with an old companion of his profaner hours, 
his words were dictated by the spirit of gentleness and humility : The powers 
above be praised, Signor de Santillane, the powers be praised for this kind 
providence whereby we meet again. In good truth, my dear Raphael, replied 
I, your happy destiny pleases me as much as if it had been my own good luck : 
brother Ambrose has told me the whole story of your conversion, and the tale 
almost moved me to a similar change. What a glorious lot for you two, my 
friends, when you have reason to flatter yourselves with being among that picked 
number of the elect, who have eternal happiness thrust upon them whether they 
will or no ! 

Two miserable sinners like ourselves, resumed the son of Lucinda, with an 
air which marked the extreme of sanctified morality, must not hope that our 
own merits are of weight enough to save our souls ; but even the wicked one who 
repenteth, findeth grace with the Father of mercies. And you, Signor Gil 
Bias, added he, is it not time to lay in a claim for pardon of the offences which 
you have committed ? What is your business here in Valencia ? Are you not 
hankering after some office of devil's deputy, and making shipwreck of your 
voyage to another world ? Not so, by the blessing of heaven, answered I ; since 
I turned my back on the court, I have led a very moral sort of life : sometimes 
enjoying rural recreations on an estate of mine at a few leagues distance from 
this town, and sometimes coming hither to pass my time with my friend the 
governor, whom you both of you must know perfectly well. 

On this cue I related to them the stoiy of Don Alphonso de Leyva. They 
heard the particulars with attention ; and on my telling them that I had carried 
to Samuel Simon, on the part of that nobleman, the three thousand ducats of 
which we had robbed him, Lamela interrupted the thread of my narrative, and 
addressing his discourse to Raphael, said : Father Hilary, if this be true, the 
honest vender of wares has no reason to quarrel with a robbery which has paid 
him fifty per cent. ; and our consciences, as far as that indictment goes, may 
bask in the sunshine of acquitted innocence. Brother Ambrose and I, said the 
bursar, did actually, on the assumption of the habit, send Samuel Simon fifteen 
hundred ducats privately, by a pious ecclesiastic who made a pilgrimage to 
Xelva for the sole purpose of accomplishing this restitution ; but it will go hard 
with Samuel at the general reckoning, if he for filthy lucre could soil his fingers 
with that sum, after having been reimbursed in full by Signor de Santillane. 
But, said I, how do you know that your fifteen hundred ducats were faithfully 
paid into his hands? Unquestionably they were! exclaimed Don Raphael; I 
would answer for the disinterested purity of that ecclesiastic as soon as for my 
own. I would be your collateral security, said Lamela ; he is a priest of the 
strictest sanctity, a sort of universal almoner; and though many times cited for 
sums of money, deposited with him for charitable uses, he has always non- 
suited the plaintiffs, and gone out of court with an augmentation of alms-giving 
notoriety. 

Our conversation continued for some time longer : at length we parted, with 
many a pious exhortation on their side, always to have the fear of the Lord 
before my eyes, and with many an earnest intreaty on mine, that they would 
remember me constantly in their prayers. Don Alphonso was now the first 



354 GIL BLAS. 



object of my search. You wall never guess, said I, with whom I have just 
had a long conference. I am but now come from two venerable Carthusians 
of your acquaintance ; the name of the one is father Hilary, that of the other, 
brother Ambrose. You are mistaken, answered Don Alphonso ; I am not 
acquainted with a single Carthusian. Pardon me, replied I ; you have seen 
brother Ambrose at Xelva in the capacity of commissary, and father Hilary as 
register to the Inquisition. Oh heaven ! exclaimed the governor with surprise, 
can it be within the bounds of possibility that Raphael and Lamela should have 
turned Carthusians ? It is even so, answered I ; they professed several years 
ago. The former is bursar and proctor to the convent ; the latter, porter. 

The son of Don Caesar rubbed his forehead twice or thrice, then shaking his 
head, These worshipful officers of the Inquisition, said he, most assuredly pur- 
pose playing over the old farce on a new stage here. You judge of them by 
prejudice, answered I, from the impression of their characters as men of sin : 
but had you been edified by their lectures as I have been, you would think 
more favourably of their holiness. To be sure, it is not for mortal men to 
fathom the depth of other men's hearts; but to all appearance they are two 
prodigals returned home. It possibly may be so, replied Don Alphonso : there 
are many instances of libertines, who hide their heads in cloisters, after having 
scandalized human nature by their obliquities, to expiate their offences by a 
severe penance : I heartily wish that our two monks may be such libertines 
restored. 

Well ! and why not? said I. They have embraced the monastic life of their 
own accord, and have squared their conduct for a length of time according to 
the maxims of their order. You may say what you please, retorted the 
governor ; but I do not like the convent's rents being received by this father 
Hilary, of whom I cannot help entertaining a very untoward opinion. When 
the fine story he told us of his adventures comes across my mind, I tremble for 
the reverend brotherhood. I am willing to believe with you, that he has taken 
the vow with the pious intention of keeping it ; but the blaze of gold may be 
too much for the v r eakness of his regenerated eye-sight. It is bad policy to 'J 
lpck up a reformed drunkard in a wine cellar. 

In the course of a few days Don Alphonso' s misgivings were fully justified ; 
these two official props and stays of the establishment ran away with the year's 
revenue. This news, which was immediately noised about the town, could 
not do otherwise than set the tongues of the wits in motion ; for they always 
make themselves merry at the crosses and losses of the well-endowed religious 
orders. As for the governor and myself, we condoled with the Carthusians, 
but kept our acquaintance with the apostate pilferers in the background. 

Ch. VII. — Gil Bias returns to his seat at Lirias. Scipids agreeable intelligence, 
and a reform in the domestic arrangements. 

I PASSED a week at Valencia in the first company, living on equal terms with 
the best of the nobility. Plays, balls, concerts, grand dinners, ladies' parties, 
all things that heart could wish or vanity grow tall upon, were provided for me 
by the governor and his lady, to whom I paid my court so dexterously, that 
they were heartily sorry to see me set out on my return to Lirias. They even 
obliged me, before they would let me go, to engage for a division of my time 
between them and my hermitage. It was determined that I should spend the 
winter in Valencia, and the summer at my seat. After this bargain, my bene- 
factors left me at liberty to tear myself from them, and go where their kindness 
would be always staring me in the face. 

Scipio, who was waiting impatiently for my return, was ready to jump out 



A LIBRARY FOUND IN GIL BIAS'S HOUSE. 355 

of his skin for joy at the sight of me; and his ecstacies were doubled at my 
circumstantial account of the journey. And now for your history, my friend, 
said I, taking breath : to what moral uses have you turned the solitary period 
of my absence ? Has the time passed agreeably ? As well, answered he, as it 
could with a servant to whom nothing is. so dear as the presence of his master. 
I have walked over our little domain, circuitously and diagonally : sometimes 
seated on the margin of a fountain in our wood, I have taken pleasure in be- 
holding the transparency of its waters, which are as pellucid as those of the 
sacred spring, whose projection from the rock made the vast forest of Albunea 
to resound with the roar of the cascade : sometimes lying at the foot of a tree, 
I have listened to the song of the linnet or the nightingale. At other times I 
have hunted or fished ; and, what has given me more rational delight than all 
these pastimes, I have whiled away many a profitable hour in the improvement 
of my mind. 

I interrupted my secretary in a tone of eager inquiry, to ask where he had 
procured books. I found them, said he, in an elegant library here in the 
house, whither master Joachim took me. Heyday ! in what corner, resumed 
I, can this said library be? Did we not go over the whole building on the day 
of our arrival? You fancied so, rejoined he; but you are to know that we 
only explored three sides of the square, and forgot the fourth. It was there 
that Don Caesar, when he came to Lirias, employed part of his time in reading. 
There are in this library some very good books, left as a never-failing phylactery 
against the blue devils, when our gardens despoiled of Flora's treasure, and 
our woods of their leafy honours, shall no longer challenge those miscreant 
invaders to combat in the forest or the bower. The lords of Leyva have 
not done things by halves, but have catered for the mind as well as for the 
body. 

This intelligence filled me with sincere rapture. I was shewn to the fourth 
side of the square, and feasted with an intellectual banquet. Don Caesar's room 
I immediately determined to make my own. That nobleman's bed was still 
there, with correspondent furniture, consisting of historical tapestry, represent- 
ing the rape of the Sabine women by the Romans. From the bed-chamber, I 
went into a closet fitted up with low bookcases well filled, and over them the 
portraits of the Spanish kings. Near a window whence you command a pros- 
pect of a most bewitching country, there was ah ebony writing-desk and a 
large sofa, covered with black morocco. But I gave my attention principally 
to the library. It was composed of philosophers, poets, historians; and 
abounded in romances. Don Caesar seemed to give the preference to that 
light reading, if one might judge by the profusion of supply. I must own, to 
my shame, that my taste was not at all above the level of those productions, 
notwithstanding the extravagances they delight in stringing together : whether 
it was owing to my not being a very critical reader at that time, or because the 
Spaniards are naturally addicted to the marvellous. I must nevertheless plead 
in my own justification, that I was alive to the charms of a sprightly and 
popular morality, and that Lucian, Horace, and Erasmus became my favourite 
and standard authors. 

My friend, said I to Scipio, when my eyes had coursed over my library, here 
is wherewithal to feed and pamper our minds ; but our present business is to 
reform our household. On that subject I can spare you a great deal of trouble, 
answered he. During your absence I have sifted your people thoroughly, and 
flatter myself it is no empty boast to say that I know them. Let us begin 
with master Joachim : I take him to be as great a scoundrel as ever breathed, 
and have no doubt but he was turned away from the archbishop's for errors 
which were too great to be excepted in the passing of his accounts. Yet we 



356 GIL BLAS. 



must keep him for two reasons : the first, because he is a good cook ; and the 
second, because I shall always have an eye over him; I shall peep into his 
actions like a jackdaw into a marrow-bone, and he must be a more cunning 
fellow than I take him for, to evade my vigilance. I have already told him 
that you intended discharging three-fourths of your establishment. This de- 
claration stuck in his stomach ; and he assured me that, owing to his extreme 
desire of living with you, he would be satisfied with half his present wages 
rather than be turned off, which made me suspect that he was tied to the string 
of some petticoat in the hamlet, and did not like to break up his quarters. As 
for the under-cook, he is a drunkard, and the porter a foul-mouthed Cerberus, 
of whose guardianship our gates are in no want ; neither is the gamekeeper a 
necessary evil. I shall take the latter office myself, as you may see to-morrow, 
when we have got our fowling-pieces in order, and are provided with powder 
and shot. With regard to the footmen, one of them is an Arragonese, and to 
my mind a very good sort of fellow. We will keep him ; but all the rest are 
such rapscallions, that I would not advise you to harbour one of them, if you 
wanted an army of attendants. 

After having fully debated the point, we resolved to keep well with the cook, 
the scullion, the Arragonese, and to get rid of the remainder as decently as we 
could : all which was planned and executed on the same day, mollifying the 
bitter dose by the application of a few pistoles, which Scipio took from our 
strong box, and distributed among them as from me. When we had carried 
this reform into effect, order was soon established in our mansion ; we divided 
the business fairly among our remaining people, and began to look into our 
expenses. I could willingly have been contented with very frugal commons ; 
but my secretary, loving high dishes and relishing bits, was not a man who 
would suffer master Joachim to hold his place as a sinecure. He kept his 
talents in such constant play, working double tides at dinner and at supper, that 
any one would have thought we had been converted by father Hilary, and 
were working out the term of our probation. 

Ch. VIII. — The loves of Gil Rlas and the fair Antonia. 

Two days after my return from Valencia to Lirias, clodpole Basil, my farming 
man, came at my dressing-time, to beg the favour of introducing his daughter 
Antonia, who was very desirous, as he said, to have the honour of paying her 
respects to her new master. I answered that it was very proper, and would be 
well received. He withdrew, and in a few minutes returned with his peerless 
Antonia. That epithet, though bold, will not be thought extravagant, in the 
case of a girl from sixteen to eighteen years of age, uniting to regular features 
the finest complexion and the brighest eyes in the world. She was dressed in 
nothing better than a stuff gown ; but a stature somewhat above the female 
standard, a dignified deportment, and such graces as soared higher than the 
mere freshness and glow of youth, communicated to her rustic attire the sim- 
plicity of classical costume. She had no cap on her head ; her hair was fastened 
hehind with a knot of flowers, according to the chaste severity of the Spartan 
fashionables. 

When she illumined my chamber with her presence, I was struck as much on 
a heap by her beauty, as ever were the princes, knights, nobles, and strangers 
assembled at the solemn feast and' tournament of Charlemain, by the personal 
charms of Angelica. Instead of receiving Antonia with modish indifference, 
and paying her compliments of course, instead of ringing the changes on her 
father's happiness in possessing so lovely a daughter, I stood stock still, staring, 
gaping, stammering : I could not have uttered an articulate sound for the uni- 



THE LOVES OF GIL BLAS AND ANTONIA. 357 

versal world. Scipio, who saw clearly what was the matter with me, took 
the words out of my mouth, and accepted those bills of admiration which my 
affairs were in too much disorder to admit of my duly honouring. For her 
part, my figure being shrouded by a dressing-gown and night-cap, like the orb 
of day by a winter fog, she accosted me without being shame-faced, and paid 
her duty in terms which fired all the combustibles in my composition, though 
her words were but the holiday expressions of common-place salutation. In 
the mean time, while my secretary, Basil, and his daughter, were engaged in 
reciprocal" exchange of civility, I found my senses again ; and passed from one 
extreme of absurdity to another, just as if I had thought that a hare-brained 
loquacity would be a set-off against the idiotic silence of my first encounter. I 
exhausted all my stock of well-bred rodomontade; and expressed myself 
with so unguarded a freedom, as to make Basil look about him : so that he, 
with his eye upon me as a man who would set every engine at work to seduce 
Antonia, was in a hurry to get her safely out of my apartment, with a resolved 
purpose, probably, of withdrawing her for ever from my pursuit. 

Scipio finding himself alone with me, said with a smile : Here is another 
defence for you against the blue devils ! I did not know that your farming man 
had so pretty a daughter ; for I had never seen her before, though I have been 
twice at his house. He must have taken infinite pains to keep her out of the 
way, and it is impossible to be angry with him for it. What the plague ! here 
is a morsel for a liquorish palate ! But there seems to be no necessity for bla- 
zoning her perfections to you ; their very first glance dazzled you out of coun- 
tenance. I do not deny it, answered I. Ah ! my beloved friend, I have surely 
seen an inhabitant of the realms above ; the electrical spark now thrills through ' 
all my frame, it scorches like lightning, yet tingles like the vivifying fluid at 
my heart. 

You delight me beyond measure, replied my secretary, by giving me to un- 
derstand that you have at length fallen in love. Nothing but a mistress was 
wanting to complete your rural establishment at all points. Thanks to Hea- 
ven, you are now likely to be accommodated in every way. I am well aware 
that we shall have a hard matter to elude Basil's vigilance ; but leave that to 
me, and I will undertake before the end of three days to manage a private 
meeting for you with Antonia. Master Scipio, said I, it is not so sure that 
you would be able to keep your word ; but at all events, I have not the least 
desire to make the experiment. I will have nothing to do with the ruin of that 
girl ; for she is an angel, and does not deserve to be numbered among the 
fallen ones. Therefore, instead of laying the guilt upon your soul of assisting 
me in her dishonour, I have made up my mind to marry her with your kind 
help, supposing her heart not to be pre-occupied by a prior attachment. I had 
no idea, said he, of your directly plunging headlong into the cold bath of matri- 
mony. The generality of landlords, in your place, would stand upon the 
ancient tenure of manorial rights : they would not deal with Antonia upon the 
square of modern law and gospel, till after failure in the establishment of their 
feudal privileges. But though this may be the way of the world, do not sup- 
pose that I am by any means against your honourable passion, or at all wish to 
dissuade you from your purpose. Your bailiff's daughter deserves the distinc- 
tion you design for her, if she can give you the first-fruits of her heart, an offer- 
ing of sensibility and gratitude ; that is what I shall ascertain this very day by 
talking with her father, and possibly with her. 

My agent was a man to transact his business according to the letter. He 
went to see Basil privately, and in the evening came to me in my closet, where 
I waited for him with impatience, somewhat exasperated by apprehension. 
There was a slyness in his countenance, whence my prognostic inclined to the 



358 GIL BLAS. 



brighter side. Judging, said I, by that look of suppressed merriment, you are 
come to acquaint me that I shall soon be at the summit of human bliss. Yes, 
my dear master, answered he, the heavens smile upon your vows. I have 
talked the matter over with Basil and his daughter, declaring your intentions 
without reserve. The father is delighted at the idea of your asking his blessing 
as a son-in-law ; and you may set your heart at rest about Antonia's taste in a 
husband. Darts and flames ! cried I in an ecstacy of amorous transport ; 
what ! am I so happy as to have made myself agreeable to that lovely creature ? 
Never question it, replied he ; she loves you already. It is true, she has not 
owned so much by word of mouth ; but my assurance rests on the tale-telling 
sparkle of her eye, when your proposals were made known to her. And yet 
you have a rival ! A rival ! exclaimed I, with a faltering voice, and a cheek 
blanched with fear. Do not let that give you the least uneasiness, said he ; 
your competitor cannot bid very high, for he is no other than master Joachim 
your cook. Ah ! the hangdog ! said I, with an involuntary shout of laughter : 
this is the reason, then, why he had so great an objection to being turned out 
of my service. Exactly so, answered Scipio ; within these few days he made 
proposals of marriage to Antonia, who politely declined them. With submis- 
sion to your better judgment, replied I, it would be expedient, at least so it 
strikes me, to get rid of that strange fellow, before he is informed of my in- 
tended match with Basil's daughter : a cook, as you are aware, is a dangerous 
rival. You are perfectly in the right, rejoined my trusty counsellor; we must 
clear the premises of him — he shall receive his discharge from me to-morrow 
morning, before he puts a finger in the fricandeaus ; thus you will have nothing 
more to fear either from his poisonous sauces or bewitching tongue. Yet it goes 
rather against the grain with me to part with so good a cook ; but I sacrifice 
the interests of my own belly to the preservation of your precious person. You 
need not, said I, take on so for his loss : he had no exclusive patent ; and I 
will send to Valencia for a cook, who shall outcook all his fine cookery. Ac- 
cording to my promise I wrote immediately to Don Alphonso, to let him know 
that our kitchen wanted a prime minister ; and on the following day he filled 
up the vacancy in so worthy a manner, as reconciled Scipio at once to the 
change in culinary politics. 

Though my adroit and active secretary had assured me of Antonia's secret 
self-congratulation on the conquest of her landlord's heart, I could not venture 
to rely solely on his report. I was fearful lest he should have been entrapped 
by false appearances. To be more certain of my bliss, I determined on speak- 
ing in person to the fair Antonia. I therefore went to Basil's house, and con- 
firmed to him what my ambassador had announced. This honest peasant, of 
patriarchal simplicity and golden-aged frankness, after having heard me through, 
did not hesitate to own that it would be the greatest happiness of his life to give 
me his daughter ; but, added he, you are by no means to suppose that it is be- 
cause you are lord of the manor. Were you still steward to Don Caesar and 
Don Alphonso, I should prefer you to all other suitors who might apply : I 
have always felt a sort of kindness towards you : and nothing vexes me, but that 
Antonia has not a thumping fortune to bring with her. I want not the vile 
dross, said I ; her person is the only dowry that I covet. Your humble servant 
for that, cried he ; but you will not settle accounts with me after that fashion ; 
I am not a beggar, to marry my daughter upon charity. Basil de Buenotrigo 
is in circumstances, by the blessing of Providence, to portion her off decently ; 
and I mean that she should set out a little supper, if you are to be at the ex- 
pense of dinners. In a word, the rental of this estate is only five hundred 
ducats : I shall raise it to a thousand on the strength of this marriage. 

Just as you please, my dear Basil, replied I ; we are not likely to have any 



THE LOVES OF GIL BLAS AND ANTONIA. 359 

dispute about money matters. We are both of a mind ; all that remains is to 
get your daughter's consent. You have mine, said he, and that is enough. 
Not altogether so, answered I ; though yours may be absolutely necessary, no 
business can be done without hers. Hers follows mine of course, replied he ; I 
should like to catch her murmuring against my sovereign commands ! Antonia, 
rejoined I, with dutiful submission to paternal authority, is ready without ques- 
tion to obey your will implicitly in all things ; but I know not whether in the 
present instance she would do so without violence to her own feelings ; and 
should that be the case, I could never forgive myself for being the occasion of 
unhappiness to her ; in short, it is not enough that I obtain her hand from you, 
if her heart is to heave a sigh at the decision of her destiny. Oh, blessed vir- 
gin ! said Basil, all these fine doctrines of philosophy are far above my reach ; 
speak to Antonia your own self, and you will find, or I am very much mistaken, 
that she wishes for nothing better than to be your wife. These words were no 
sooner out of his mouth than he called his daughter, and left me with her for a 
few short minutes. 

Not to trifle with so precious an opportunity, I broke my mind to her at once : 
Lovely Antonia, said I, it remains with you to fix the colour of my future days. 
Though I have your fathers consent, do not think so meanly of me as to sup- 
pose that I would avail myself of it to violate the sacred freedom of your choice. 
Rapturous as must be the possession of your charms, I waive my pretensions if 
you but tell me that your duty and not your will complies. It would be affect- 
ation to put on such a repugnance, answered she ; the honour of your addresses 
is too flattering to excite any other than agreeable sensations, and I am thankful 
for my father's tender care of me, instead of demurring to his will. I am not 
sure whether such an acknoAvledgment may not be contrary to the rules of fe- 
male reserve in the polite world ; but if you were disagreeable to me, I should 
be plain-spoken enough to tell you so ; why, then, should I not be equally free 
in owning the kind feelings of my heart ? 

At sounds like these, which I could not hear without being enraptured, I 
dropped on my knee before Antonia, and in the excess of my tender emotions, 
taking one of her fair hands, kissed it with an affectionate and impassioned ac- 
tion. My dear Antonia, said I, your frankness enchants me ; go on, let nothing 
induce you to depart from it ; you are conversing with your future husband ; 
let your soul expand itself, and reveal all its inmost emotions in his presence. 
Thus, then, may I entertain the flattering hope that you will not frown on the 
union of our destinies ! The coming in of Basil at this moment prevented me 
from giving further vent to the delightful sensations which thrilled through me. 
Impatient to know how his daughter had behaved, and ready primed for scold- 
ing in case she had been perverse or coy, he made up to me immediately. Well, 
now ! said he, are you satisfied with Antonia ? So much so, answered I, that 
I am going this very moment to set forward the preparations for our marriage. 
So saying, I left the father and daughter, for the purpose of taking counsel with 
my secretary thereupon. 

Ch. IX. — Nuptials of Gil Bias with the fair Antonia ; the style and manner of 
the cere?nony ; the persons assisting thereat ; and the festivities ensuing there- 
ttfion. 

Though there was no occasion to consult with the lords of Leyva about my 
marriage, yet both Scipio and myself were of opinion that I could not decently 
do otherwise than communicate to them my purpose of connecting myself with 
Basil's daughter, and just pay them the compliment of asking their advice, after 
the act was finally determined on. 



360 GIL BLAS. 



I immediately went off for Valencia, where my visit was a matter of surprise, 
and still more the purport of it. Don Caesar and Don Alphonso, who were ac- 
quainted with Antonia, having seen her more than once, wished me joy on my 
good fortune in a wife. Don Caesar, in particular, made his speech upon the 
occasion with so much youthful fire, that if there had not been reason to sup- 
pose his lordship weaned, by that icy moralist, time, from certain naughty pro- 
pensities, I should have suspected him of going to Lirias now and then, not so 
much to look after his concerns there, as after his little empress of the dairy. 
Seraphina, too, with the kindest assurances of a lively interest in whatever might 
befall me, said that she had heard a very favourable character of Antonia ; but, 
added she, with a malicious fling, as if to taunt me with my supercilious recep- 
tion of Sephora's amorous advances, even though her beauty had not been so 
much the talk of the country, I could have depended on your taste, from former 
experience of its delicacy and fastidiousness. 

Don Caesar and his son did not stop at cold approbation of my marriage, but 
declared that they would defray all the expenses of it. Measure back your steps, 
said they, to Lirias, and stay quietly there till you hear further from us. Make 
no preparation for your nuptials, for we shall make that our concern. To meet 
their kind intentions with becoming gratitude, I returned to my mansion, and 
acquainted Basil and his daughter with the projected kindness of our patrons. 
We determined to wait their pleasure with as much patience as falls to the lot 
of poor human nature under such circumstances. Eight long days dragged out 
their tedious measure, and brought no tidings of our bliss. But the rewards of 
self-control are not the less assured for being slow : on the ninth, a coach drawn 
by four mules drove up, with a cargo of mantua-makers for the bride, and an 
assortment of rich silks on which to exercise their art. Several livery servants, 
mounted on mules, accompanied the cavalcade. One of them brought me a 
letter from Don Alphonso. That nobleman sent me word that he would be 
at Lirias next day with his father and his wife, and that the marriage ceremony 
should be performed on the day after that, by the vicar-general of Valencia. 
And just so it came to pass : Don Caesar, his son, and Seraphina, with that 
venerable dignitary, were punctual to their appointment ; all four of them in a 
coach and six ; none of your mules, like the mantua-makers ! preceded by an- 
other coach and four, with Seraphina's women ; and the rear was brought up 
by a company of the governor's guards. 

The governor's lady had hardly entered the house, before she testified an ar- 
dent longing to see Antonia, who on her part no sooner knew that Seraphina 
was arrived, than she ran forward to bid her welcome, with a respectful kiss 
upon her hand, so gracefully and modestly impressed, that all the company were 
enchanted at the action. And now, madam ! said Don Caesar to his daughter- 
in-law, what do you think of Antonia ? Could Santillane have made a better 
choice ? No, answered Seraphina, they are worthy each of the other ; there can 
be no doubt but their union will be most happy. In short, every one was lavish 
in the praise of my intended ; and if they lelt her beams so powerfully under 
the eclipse of a stuff gown, what must they not have endured from her bright- 
ness, in the meridian sunshine of her wedding finery ? One would have fancied 
she had been clothed in silks, jewels, and fine linen from her cradle, by the dig- 
nity of her air and the ease of her deportment. 

The happy moment which was to unite two fond lovers in the bands of Hy- 
men being arrived, Don Alphonso took me by the hand and led me to the altar, 
while Seraphina conferred the like honour on the bride elect. Our procession 
had marched in fit and decent order through the hamlet to the chapel, where 
the vicar-general was waiting to go through the service ; and the ceremony was 
performed amidst the heartfelt congratulations of the inhabitants, and of all the 



WEDDING OF GIL BIAS AND ANTONIA. 361 

wealthy farmers in the neighbourhood, whom Basil had invited to Antonia's 
wedding. Their daughters too came in their train, tricked out in ribbons and 
in flowers, and dancing to the music of their own tambourines. We returned 
to the mansion under the same escort : and there, by the provident attentions 
of Scipio, who officiated as high steward and master of the ceremonies, we 
found three tables set out ; one for the principals of the party, another for their 
household, and the third, which was by far the largest, for all invited guests 
promiscuously. Antonia was at the first, the governor's lady having made a point 
of it ; I did the honours of the second, and Basil was placed at the head of that 
where the country people dined. As for Scipio, he never sat down, but was 
here, there, and everywhere, fetching and carrying, changing plates and filling 
bumpers, urging the company to call freely for what they wanted, and egging 
them on to mirth and jollity. 

The entertainment had been prepared by the governor's cooks ; and that is 
as much as to say, that there were all the delicacies imaginable, in season or out 
of season. The good wines laid in for me by master Joachim, were set running 
at a furious rate ; the guests were beginning to feel their jovial influence, plea- 
santry and repartee gave a zest and conviviality, when on a sudden our har- 
mony was interrupted by an alarming occurrence. My secretary, being in the 
hall where I was dining with Don Alphonso's principal officers and Seraphina's 
women, suddenly fainted. I started up and ran to his assistance ; and while I 
was employed in bringing him about, one of the women was taken ill also. It 
was evident to the whole company that this sympathetic malady must involve 
some mysterious incident, as in effect it turned out almost immediately, that 
thereby hung a tale ; for Scipio soon recovered, and said to me in a low voice, 
Why must one man's meat be another man's poison, and the most auspicious of 
your days the curse of mine ? But every man bears the bundle of his sins upon 
his back, and my pack-saddle is once more thrown across my shoulders in the 
person of my wife. 

Powers of mercy! exclaimed I, this can never be; it is all a romance. 
What ! you the husband of that lady whose nerves were so affected by the dis- 
turbance? Yes, sir, answered he, I am her husband; and fortune, if you will 
take the word of a sinner, could not have done me a dirtier office than by con- 
juring up such a grievance as this. I know not, my friend, replied I, what 
reasons you may have for thus belabouring your rib with wordy buffets, but 
however she may be to blame, in mercy keep a bridle on your tongue ; if you 
have any regard for me, do not displace the mirth and spoil the pleasure of this 
nuptial meeting, by ominous disorder or enraged questions of past injuries. 
You shall have no reason to complain on that score, rejoined Scipio ; but shall 
see presently whether I am not a very apt dissembler. 

With this assurance he went forward to his wife, whom her companions had 
also brought back to life and recollection ; and, embracing her with as much 
apparent fervour as if his raptures had been real, Ah, my dear Beatrice, said 
he, heaven has at length united us again after ten years of cruel separation ! 
But this blissful moment is well purchased by whole ages of torturing sus- 
pense ! I know not, answered his spouse, whether you really are at all the 
happier for having recovered a part of yourself : but of this at least I am fully 
certain, that you never had any reason to run away from me as you did. A 
fine story indeed ! You found me one night with Signor Don Ferdinand de 
Leyva, who was in love with my mistress Julia, and consulted me on the sub- 
ject of his passion ; and only for that, you must take it into your stupid head, 
that I was caballing with him against your honour and my own : thereupon 
that poor brain of yours was turned with jealousy ; you quitted Toledo in a 
huff, and ran away from your own flesh and blood as you would from a mon- 



362 GIL BLAS. 



ster of the deserts, without leaving word why or wherefore. Now which of us 
two, be so good as to tell me, has most reason to take on and be pettish? 
Your own dear self, beyond all question, replied Scipio. Beyond all question, 
re-echoed she, my own ill-used self. Don Ferdinand, very shortly after you 
had taken yourself, off from Toledo, married Julia, with whom I continued as 
long as she lived ; and, after we had lost her by sudden death, I came into my 
lady her sister's service, who, as well as all her maids, and I would do as much 
for them, will give me a good character ; honest and sober, and a veiy terma- 
gant among the impertinent fellows. 

My secretary, having nothing to allege against such a character from my 
lady and her maids, was determined to make the best of a bad bargain. Once 
for all, said he to his spouse, I acknowledge my bad behaviour, and beg par- 
don for it before this honourable assembly. It was now time for me to act the 
mediator, and to move Beatrice for an act of amnesty, assuring her that her 
husband from this time forward would make it the great object of his life to 
play the husband to her satisfaction. She began to see that there was reason 
in roasting of eggs, and all present were loud in their congratulations, on the 
triumph of suffering virtue, and the renovated pledge of broken vows. To bind 
the contract firmer, and make it memorable, they were seated next to one 
another at table ; their healths were drank according to the laws of toasting ; 
wish you joy ! many returns of this happy day ! rang round on every side : one 
would have sworn that the dinner was given for their reconciliation, and not on 
account of my marriage. 

The third table was the first to be cleared. The young villagers jumped up 
in a body ; the lads took out their blooming partners ; the tambourines struck 
up a merry beat ; spectators flocked from the other tables, and caught the en- 
livening spirit from the gay bustle of the scene. Every limb and muscle of 
every individual was in motion : the household of the governor and his lady 
formed a set, apart from the rustics of the company, while their superiors did 
not disdain to mingle with the homelier dancers. Don Alphonso danced a 
saraband with Seraphina, and Don Caesar another with Antonia, who after- 
wards took me for her partner. She did not perform much amiss, considering 
that she never got much further than the five positions, in learning which she 
had her ankles kicked to pieces by a provincial dancing-master at Albarazin, 
while on a visit to a tradesman's wife, one of her relations. As for me, who, 
as I have already said, had taken lessons at the Marchioness de Chaves's, I 
figured away as the principal man in this rural ballet. With regard to Beatrice 
and Scipio, they preferred a little private conversation to dancing, that they 
might compare notes on the subject of wear and tear during the painful 
period of separation : but their billing and cooing was interrupted by Sera- 
phina, who, having been informed of this dramatic discovery, sent for them to 
pay the customary compliments of congratulation. My good people, said she, 
on this day of general joy, it gives me additional pleasure to see you two re- 
stored to one another. My friend Scipio, I return you your wife under a firm 
belief that she has always conducted herself as became a woman ; take up your 
abode with her here, and be a good husband to her. And you, Beatrice, 
attach yourself to Antonia, and let her be as much the object of your devoted 
service as Signor de Santillane is that of your husband. Scipio, who could 
not possibly, after this, think of Penelope as fit to hold a candle to his own 
wife, promised to treat her with all the deference due to such a paragon of 
conjugal fidelity. 

The country people, having kept up the dance till late, withdrew to their 
own homes ; but the rejoicings were prolonged by the company in the house. 
There was a grand supper, and at bed-time the vicar-general pronounced the 



THE HONEY-MOON. 363 



blessing of consummation. Seraphina undressed the bride, and the lords of 
Leyva did me the same honour. The ridiculous part of the business was, that 
Don Alphonso's officers and his lady's attendants took it into their heads, by 
way of diverting themselves, to perform the same ceremony : they also un- 
dressed Beatrice and Scipio, who, to render the scene supremely farcical, 
gravely allowed themselves to be untrussed, and put to bed with all nuptial 
pomp and state. 

Ch. X. — The honey -moon {a very dull time for the reader as a third person) en- 
livened by the commencement of Scipio s story. 

"'Tis heaven itself, 'tis ecstacy of bliss, 
Uninterrupted joy, untired excess ; 
Mirth following mirth, the moments dance away ; 
Love claims the night, and friendship rules the day. " 

On the day after the wedding the lords of Leyva returned to Valencia, after 
having lavished on me a thousand marks of friendship. There was such a 
general clearance, that my secretary and myself, with our respective wives, 
and our usual establishment, were left in undisturbed possession of our own 
home. 

The efforts which we both made to please our ladies were not thrown away : 
I breathed by degrees into the partner of my joys and sorrows as much love for 
me as I entertained for her ; and Scipio made his better part forget the woes 
and privations he had occasioned her. Beatrice, who had very winning ways 
with her, and was all things to all women, had no difficulty about worming 
herself into the good graces of her new mistress, and gaining her complete con- 
fidence. In short, we all four agreed admirably well together, and began to 
enjoy a bliss above the common lot of humanity. Every day rolled along more 
delightfully than the last. Antonia was pensive and demure ; but Beatrice and 
myself were enlisted in the crew of mirth ; and even though we had been con- 
stitutionally sedate, Scipio was among us, and he was of himself a pill to purge 
melancholy. The best creature in the world for a snug little party! one of 
those merry drolls who have only to shew their comical faces, and set the table 
in a roar of inextinguishable laughter. 

One day, when we had taken a fancy to go after dinner, and doze away the 
usual interval in the most sequestered spot about the grounds, my secretary got 
into such exuberant spirits, as to chase away the drowsy god by his exhilarating 
sallies. Do hold your tongue, my loquacious friend, said I : or else, if you are 
determined to wage war against this lazy custom of our afternoons, at least tell 
us something which we shall be the wiser for hearing. With all my heart and 
soul, sir, answered he. Would you have me go through all fabulous histories 
of wandering knights, distressed damsels, giants, enchanted castles, and the 
whole train of legendary adventures? I had much rather hear your own true 
history, replied I ; but that is a pleasure which you have not thought fit to give 
me so long as we have lived together, and I seem likely to go without it to the 
end of the chapter. How happens that? said he. If I have not told you my 
own story, it is because you never expressed the slightest wish to be troubled 
with the recital : therefore it is not my fault if you are in the dark about my 
past life ; but if you are really at all curious to be let into the secret, my loqua- 
city is very much at your service on the occasion. Antonia, Beatrice, and 
myself, unanimously took him at his word, and arranged ourselves for listening 
like an attentive audience. The speculation was a safe one on our parts ; for 
the tale was sure to answer, either as a stimulant or a soporific. 



364 GIL BLAS. 



I certainly ought to have been descended, said Scipio, from some family of 
the highest rank and earliest antiquity ; or in default of such parentage, from 
the most distinguished orders of personal merit, such as that of St James or 
Alcantara, if a man may be permitted to decide on the fittest circumstances for 
his own birth : but as it is not among the privileges of human nature to elect 
one's own father, you are to know that mine, by name Torribio Scipio, was a 
subaltern myrmidon of the Holy Brotherhood. As he was going back and fore 
on the king's highway, and looking after business in his own line, he met once 
on a time, between Cuenca and Toledo, with a young Bohemian babe of 
chance, who appeared very pretty in his eyes. She was alone, on foot, and 
carried her whole patrimony at her back in a kind of knapsack. Whither are 
you going, my little darling? said he in a philandering tone of voice, unlike the 
natural hoarseness of his accents. Good worthy gentleman, answered she, I 
am going to Toledo, where I hope to gain an honest livelihood by hook or by 
crook. Your intentions are highly commendable, retorted he ; and I doubt 
not but you have many a hook and many a crook among the implements of 
your trade. Yes, with a blessing on my endeavours, rejoined she : I have 
several little ways of doing for myself: I know how to make washes and 
creams for the ladies' faces, perfumes for their noses and their chambers ; then 
I can tell fortunes, can search for things lost with a sieve and shears, and erect 
figures for the taking in of shadows with a glass. 

Torribio, concluding that so well-provided a girl would be a very advantage- 
ous match for a man like himself, who could scarcely scrape wherewithal to 
support life by his own profession, though he was as good a thief-taker as the 
best of them, made her an offer of marriage, and she was nothing loth, nor 
prudishly coy. They flew on the wings of inclination and convenience to To- 
ledo, where they were joined together; and you behold in me the happy pledge 
of holy and lawful matrimony. They fixed themselves in' a shop on the out- 
skirts of the town, where my mother commenced her career by selling the said 
washes, creams, tapes, laces, silk, thread, toys, and pedlar's ware; but trade 
not being brisk enough to live comfortably by it, she turned fortune-teller. 
This drew her customers, got her countenance, credit, crowns, and pistoles : a 
thousand dupes of either sex soon trumpeted up the reputation of Coselina ; for 
so my gipsy mamma had the honour to be named. Some one or other came 
every day to bargain for the exercise of her skill in the black art : at one time 
a nephew at his wit's and purse's end, wanting to know how soon his uncle was 
to set off post for the other world, and leave behind him wherewithal to piece 
his worn-out fortunes : at another, some yielding, love-sick girl, to inquire 
whether the swain who kept her company, and had promised to marry her, 
would keep his word or be false-hearted. 

You will take notice, if you please, that my mother always sold good luck 
for good money ; if the accomplishment trod on the heels of the prediction, 
well and good ; if it was fulfilled according to the rule of contraries, she was 
always cool, though the parties were ever so violently in a passion, and told 
them plainly that it was her familiar's fault, not hers ; for though she paid him 
the highest wages, and bound him by potent spells to stir up the cauldron of 
futurity from the bottom, like earthly cooks, he would sometimes be careless or 
out of humour, and apportion the ingredients wrongly. 

When my mother thought the conjuncture momentous enough to raise the 
devil without cheapening him in the eyes of the vulgar, Torribio ScipiQ enacted 
his infernal majesty, and played the part just as if he had been born to it, 
humouring the hideous features of the character by a very small aggravation of 
his own natural face, and practising the pandemonian note of elocution in the 
lower octave of his voice. A person in the slightest degree superstitious would 



SCIPIO'S STORY. 365 



be scai-ed out of his senses at my father's figure. But one day, as his satanic 
prototype would have it, there came a savage rascal of a captain, who asked to 
see the devil, for no earthly purpose but to run him clean through the body. 
The Inquisition, having received notice of the devil's death, sent to take charge 
of his widow, and administer to his effects ; as for poor little me, just seven 
years old at the time, I was sent to the foundling hospital. There were some 
charitable ecclesiastics on that establishment, who, being liberally paid for the 
education of the poor orphans, were so zealous in their office as to teach them 
reading and writing. They fancied there was something particularly promising 
about me, which made them pick me out from all the rest, and send me on 
their errands. I was letter-carrier, messenger, and chapel clerk. As a token 
of their gratitude, they undertook to teach me Latin ; but their mode of tuition 
was so harsh, and their discipline so severe, though I was a sort of pet with 
them, that, not being able to stand it any longer, I ran away one morning while 
out on an errand ; and, so far from returning to the hospital, got out of Toledo 
through the suburbs on the Seville side. 

Though I had not then completed my ninth year, I already felt the pleasure 
of being free, and master of my own actions. I was without money and with- 
out food ; no matter ! I had no lessons to say by heart, no themes to hammer 
out. After having pushed on for two hours, my little legs began to refuse their 
office. I had never before made so long a trip. It became necessary to stop 
and take some rest. I sat myself down at the foot of a tree close by the high- 
way ; there, by way of amusement, I took my grammar out of my pocket, and 
began conning it over by way of a joke ; but at length, coming to recollect the 
raps on the knuckles, and the castigations on the more classical seat of punish- 
ment which it had cost me, I tore it leaf by leaf with an apostrophe of angry 
import. Ah ! you odious thing of a book ! you shall never make me shed 
tears any more. While I was assuaging my vindictive spirit, by strewing the 
ground about me with declensions and conjugations, there passed that way a 
hermit with a white beard, with a large pair of spectacles on his nose, and 
altogether an outside of much sanctity. He came up to me ; and, if I was an 
object of speculation to him, he was no less so to me. My little man, said he 
with a smile, it should seem as if we had both taken a sudden liking to each 
other, and in that case we cannot do better than to live together in my hermit- 
age, which is not two hundred yards distant. Your most obedient for that, 
answered I pertly enough ; I have not the least desire to turn hermit. At this 
answer, the good old man set up a roar of laughter, and said with a kind em- 
brace : You must not be frightened at my dress ; if it is not becoming, it is 
useful ; it gives me my title to a charming retreat, and to the good-will of the 
neighbouring villages, whose inhabitants love or rather idolize me. Come 
this way, and I will clothe you in a jacket of the same stuff as mine. If you 
think well of it, you shall share with me the pleasures of the life I lead ; and, if 
it does not hit your fancy, you shall not only be at liberty to leave me, but you 
may depend on it that in the event of our parting, I shall not fail to do some- 
thing handsome by you. 

I suffered myself to be persuaded, and followed the old hermit, who put 
several questions to me, which I answered with a truth-telling simplicity, not 
always to be found in a more advanced stage of morality. On our arrival at 
the hermitage he set some fruit before me, which I devoured, having eaten 
nothing all day but a slice of dry bread, on which I had breakfasted at the 
hospital in the morning. The recluse, seeing me play so good a part with my 
jaws, said : Courage, my good boy, do not spare my fruit ; there is plenty of 
it, Heaven be praised. I have not brought you hither to starve you. And in- 
deed that was true enough ; for an hour after our coming in, he kindled a fire, 



366 GIL BLAS. 



put a leg of mutton down to roast ; and while I turned the spit, laid a small 
table for himself and me, with a very dirty napkin upon it 

When the meat was done enough he took it up, and cut some slices for our 
supper, which was no dry bargain, since we quaffed a delicious wine, of which 
he had laid in ample store. Well ! my chicken, said he, as he rose from table, 
are you satisfied with my style of living ? You see how we shall fare every day, 
if you fix your quarters here. Then with respect to liberty, you shall do just 
as you please in this hermitage. All I require of you is to accompany me 
whenever I go begging to the neighbouring villages ; you will be of use in 
driving an ass laden with two panniers, which the charitable peasants usually 
fill with eggs, bread, meat, and fish. I ask no more than that. I will do, said 
I, whatever you desire, provided you will not oblige me to learn Latin. Friar 
Chrysostom, for that was the old hermit's name, could not help smiling at my 
school-boy frowardness, and assured me once more that he should not pretend 
to interfere either with my studies or my inclinations. 

On the very next day we went on a foraging party with the donkey, which I 
led by the halter. We made a profitable gleaning ; for all the farmers took a 
pleasure in throwing somewhat into our panniers. One chucked in an uncut 
loaf, another a large piece of bacon ; here a goose, there a pair of giblets, and 
a partridge to crown the whole. But without entering further into particulars, 
we carried home provender enough for a week ; and hence you may infer the 
esteem and friendship in which the country people held the holy man. It is 
true that he was a great blessing to the neighbourhood : his advice was always 
at their service when they came to consult him : he restored peace where dis- 
cord had reigned in families, and made up matches for the daughters ; he had 
a nostrum for almost any disease you could mention, with an assortment of pious 
rituals, to avert the curse of barrenness. 

Hence you perceive that I was in no danger of starving in my hermitage. 
My lodging, too, was none of the worst : stretched on good fresh straw, with a 
cushion of ratteen under my head, and a coverlet over me of the same stuff. I 
made but one nap of it all night. Brother Chrysostom, who had promised me 
a hermit's dress, made up an old gown of his own for me, and called me little 
brother Scipio. No sooner did I appear in my religious uniform, than the ass's 
back suffered for my genteel appearance in the eyes of the villagers. It was 
who should give most to the little brother ! so much were they delighted with 
his spruce figure. 

The easy, slothful life I led with the old hermit could not be very revolting 
to a boy of my age. On the contrary, it suited my taste so exactly, that I should 
have continued it to this time, but that the fates and destinies were weaving a 
more complicated tissue for my future years. It was cast in the figure of my 
nativity, early to rouse myself from the effeminacy of a religious life, and to 
take leave of brother Chrysostom after the following manner. 

I often observed the old man at work upon his pillow, unsewing and sewing 
it up again ; and one day, I saw him put in some money. This circumstance 
excited a tingling curiosity, which I promised myself to satisfy the first time he 
went to Toledo, as he generally did once a week. I waited impatiently for the 
day, but as yet, without any other motive than the mere desire of prying. At 
last the good man went his way, and I unpicked his pillow, where I found, 
among the stuffing, the amount of about fifty crowns in all sorts of coin. 

This treasure must have accumulated from the gratitude of the peasantry, 
whom the hermit had cured by his nostrums, and of their wives, who had be- 
come pregnant by virtue of his spiritual interference. But however it got there, 
I no sooner set my eyes on the money, which might be mine without any one 
near me to say nay, than the gipsy voice of nature and pedigree spoke within 




The Boy counting the Stolen Money.— p. 366. 



SCIPiaS STORY. 367 



me. An inextinguishable itch of pilfering tingled in my veins, and proved that 
we come into the world with the mark of our descent, and with our characters 
about us. I yielded to the temptation without a struggle ; tied up my booty in 
a canvas bag where we kept our combs and night-caps : then, having laid aside 
the hermit's and resumed my foundling's dress, got clear off from the hermitage, 
and hugged my bag as though it had contained the boundless treasure of the 
Indies. 

You have heard my first exploit, continued Scipio ; and I doubt not but you 
will expect a succession of similar practices. Your anticipations will not be 
disappointed ; for there are many such evidences of genius behind, before I 
come to those of my actions which prove me good as well as clever ; but I 
shall come to them, and you will be convinced by the sequel, that a scoundrel 
born may be licked into virtue, as the cub of a bear into shape. 

Child as I was, I knew better than to take the Toledo road ; it would have 
been exposing myself to the hazard of meeting friar Chrysostom, who would 
have balanced accounts with me on a very thriftless principle. I therefore tra- 
velled in another direction leading to the village of Galves, where I stopped at 
an inn, kept by a landlady who was a widow of forty, and hung out the bunch 
of grapes to a very good purpose. This good woman no sooner kenned me, 
than, judging by my dress that I must be a truant from the orphan school, she 
■ asked who I was and whither I was going. I answered that, having lost my 
father and mother, I was looking for a place. Can you read, my dear? said 
she. I assured her that I could read, and write too, with the best of them. 
In point of fact, I could just form my letters, and join them so as to look a 
little like writing ; and that was clerkship enough for a village pothouse. Then 
I will take you into my sendee, replied the hostess. You may earn your board 
easily enough, by scoring up the customers, and keeping my ledger. I shall 
give you no wages, because this inn is frequented by very genteel company, 
who never forget the waiters. You may reckon upon very considerable 
perquisites. 

I clenched the bargain, reserving to myself, as you may suppose, the right of 
emigration whenever my abode at Galves should cease to be pleasant. No 
sooner was I settled in my place, than a weight lay heavy on my mind. I did 
not wish it to be known that I had money ; and it was no easy matter to devise 
where it could be hidden, so as that what was sauce for the goose should not 
be sauce for the gander. I was not yet well enough acquainted with the house 
to trust the places obviously most proper for such a deposit. What a source of 
embarrassment is great wealth ! I determined, however, on a corner of our 
granary under some straw ; and believing it to be safer there than anywhere 
else, made myself as easy about it as I well could. 

The household consisted of three servants : a lubberly ostler, a young Gali- 
cian chambermaid, and myself. Each of us spunged what we could upon tra- 
vellers, whether on foot or on horseback. I always came in for some small 
change, when the bill was paid. Then the equestrians gave something to the 
ostler, for taking care of their beasts : but as for our female fellow-servant, the 
muleteers who passed that way chucked her under the chin, and gave her more 
crowns than we got farthings. I had no sooner realized a penny, than away it 
went to the granary, and slept with its precursors ; so that the higher rose my 
heap, the more greedy did my little heart become. Sometimes would I kiss 
the hallowed images of my idolatry, and look at them with a devotional glow, 
which few worshippers feel, but those whose religion is their gold. 

This inordinate passion sent me back and fore to gratify it, at least thirty 
times a day. I often met the landlady on the staircase. She, being naturally 
of a suspicious temper, had a mind to find out one day what could carry me 



368 GIL BLAS. 



every minute to the corn-loft. She therefore went up and began rummaging 
about everywhere, supposing perhaps that it was my receptacle for articles pur- 
loined in the house. Of course she did not forget to pull the straw about ; and 
behold, there was my bag ! Two hands in a dish and one in a purse, was not one 
of her proverbs ; so that finding the contents in crowns and pistoles, she thought, 
or seemed to think, that the money was lawfully and honestly hers. At least 
she had possession, and that is nine points of the law, though scarcely one of 
honesty. But to do the thing decently, after calling me little wretch, little ras- 
cal, and so forth, she ordered the ostler, a fellow without any will but hers, to 
give me a hearty flogging ; and then turn me out of doors, with this salt eel for 
my breakfast, and a lady-like oath that no light-fingered gentry should ever 
darken her doors. In vain did I protest and vow that I never wronged my 
mistress : she affirmed the direct contrary, and her word would go further than 
mine at any time. Thus were friar Chrysostom's savings transferred from one 
thief to a greater thief in the thief-taker. 

I wept over the loss of my money, as a father over the death of his only 
son : and though my tears could not bring back what I had lost, they at least 
answered the purpose of exciting pity in some people, who saw how bitterly 
they flowed, and among others in the parson, who was accidentally going by. 
He seemed affected by my sad plight, and took me home with him. There, to 
gain my confidence, or rather to pump me, he began soothing my sorrows. 
How much this poor child is to be pitied ! said he. Is it any wonder if, thrown 
upon the wide world at so tender an age, he has committed a bad action ? 
Grown up men are not always proof against the flesh or the devil. Then, 
addressing me, Child, added he, from what part of Spain do you come, and 
who are your parents ? You have the look of family about you. Open your heart 
to me confidentially, and depend upon it, I never will desert you. 

His reverence, by this kind and insinuating language, engaged me by degrees 
to tell him all my history, without falsification or reserve. I owned everything; 
and thus he moralized on the leading article of my confession : My little friend, 
though hermits ought to lay up such treasures as neither force nor fraud can 
wrest from them, that was no excuse for your taking the measure of punishment 
into your own hands : by robbing brother Chrysostom, you nevertheless sinned 
against that article of the decalogue, which tells you not to steal ; but I will 
engage to make the hostess return the money, and will punctually remit it 
to the reverend friar at his hermitage : you may therefore make your consci- 
ence perfectly easy on that score. Now, between ourselves, my conscience was 
perfectly callous to everything like compunction with respect to the crime in 
question. The parson, who had his own ends to answer, had not done with 
me yet. My lad, pursued he, I mean to take you by the hand, and find a good 
berth for you. I shall send you to-morrow morning, by the carrier, to my 
nephew, a canon of Toledo. He will not refuse,, at my request, to admit you 
upon his establishment, where they live like so many sons of the church, rosily, 
merrily, and fatly, upon the rents of his prebendal stall : you will be perfectly 
comfortable there, take my word for it. 

Patronage like this gave me so much encouragement, that I did not throw 
away another thought either upon my bag or my whipping. My mind was 
wholly occupied with the idea of living rosily, merrily, and fatly, like a son of 
the church. The following day, at breakfast-time, there came, according to 
orders, a muleteer to the parsonage, with two mules saddled and bridled. They 
helped me to mount one, the muleteer flung his leg over the other, and we 
trotted on for Toledo. My fellow-traveller was a good, pleasant companion, 
and desired nothing better than to indulge his humour at the expense of his 
neighbour. My little volunteer, said he, you have a good friend in his reverence, 



SCIPIO'S STORY. 369 



the minister of Galves. He could not give you a better proof of his kindness, 
than by placing you with his nephew the canon, whom I have the honour of 
knowing, far beyond all question or comparison, to be the cock of the chapter, 
and a hearty one he is. None of your lantern -jawed saints, with Lent in his 
face, a cat-of-nine-tails on his back, and a cholera morbus in his belly. No 
such thing ! Our doctor is rubicund in the jowl, efflorescent on the nose, with 
a wicked eye at a bumper or a girl ; militant against no earthly pleasure, but 
most addicted to the good things of the table. You will be as snug there as a 
bug in a blanket. 

This hangman of a muleteer, perceiving with what exquisite satisfaction I 
took in all this, went on tantalizing me with the joys of an ecclesiastical life. 
He never dropped the subject till we got to the village of Obisa, and stopped 
there to refresh our mules. Then, while bustling about the inn, he accidentally 
dropped a paper from his pocket, which I was cunning enough to pick up with- 
out his seeing me, and took an opportunity of reading while he was in the sta- 
ble. It was a letter addressed to the governors and superintendents of the 
orphan school, conceived in these terms : " Gentlemen, I consider it as an act 
at once of charity and of duty, to send you back a little truant ; he seems a 
shrewd lad enough, and may do very well with good looking after. By dint of 
hard and frequent chastisement, I doubt not but you will ultimately bring him 
to a sense of his own unworthiness and your benevolence. May a blessing be 
vouchsafed on your pious and charitable labours, for the early extirpation of 
sin and wickedness! (Signed) " The Minister of Galves." 

When I had finished reading this pleasant letter, which let me into the good 
intentions of his reverence the rector, it required little deliberation to determine 
what I was to do : from the inn to the banks of the Tagus, a space of three good 
miles, was but a hop, step, and jump. Fear lent me wings to escape from the 
governors of the foundling hospital, whither I was absolutely resolved never to 
return, having formed principles of taste diametrically opposite to their method 
of teaching the classics. I went into Toledo with as light a heart as if I had 
known where to get my daily bread. To be sure, it is a town of ways and 
means, where a man who can live by his wits need never die of hunger. 
Scarcely had I reached the high street, when a well-dressed gentleman by whom 
I brushed, caught me by the arm, saying : My little fellow, do you want a 
place ? You are just such a smart lad as I was looking for. And you are just 
the master for my money, answered I. Since that is the case, rejoined he, you 
are mine from this moment, and have only to follow me, which I did without 
asking any more questions. 

This spark, about the age of thirty, and bearing the name of Don Abel, 
lodged in very handsome ready-furnished apartments. He was by profession a 
blacklegs ; and the following was the nature of our engagement. In the morn- 
ing I got him as much tobacco as would smoke five or six pipes ; brushed his 
clothes, and ran for a barber to shave him and trim his whiskers ; after which 
he made the circle of the tennis-courts, whence he never returned home till 
eleven or twelve at night. But every morning, at going out, he gave me three 
reals for the expenses of the day, leaving me master of my own time till ten 
o'clock in the evening ; and provided I was within -doors by his return, all was 
well. He gave me a livery besides, in which I looked like a little lackey of 
illicit love. I took very kindly to my condition, and certainly could not have 
met with any more congenial with my temper. , 

Such and so happy had been my way of life for nearly a month, when my 
employer inquired whether I liked his service ; and on my answer in the 
affirmative, Well, then, resumed he,- to-morrow we shall set out for Seville, 
whither my concerns call me. You will not be sorry to see the capital of An- 



37° GIL BLAS. 



dalusia. " He that hath not Seville seen," says the proverb, "Is no traveller 
I ween. " I engaged at once to follow him all over the world. On that very 
day, the Seville carrier fetched away a large trunk with my master's wardrobe, 
and on the next morning we were on the road for Andalusia. 

Signor Don Abel was so lucky at play, that he never lost but when it was 
convenient ; but then it was seldom convenient to stay long in a place, because 
those who are always losers find out at last, that though chance is a dangerous 
antagonist, certainly it is a desperate one ; and that accounted for our journey. 
On our arrival at Seville, we took lodgings near the Cordova gate, and resumed 
the same mode of life as at Toledo. But my master found some difference be- 
tween the two towns. The Seville tennis-courts could produce players equally 
in fortune's good graces with himself ; so that he sometimes came home a good 
deal out of humour. One morning, when he was biting the bridle for the loss 
of a hundred pistoles the day before, he asked why I had not carried his linen 
to the laundress. I pleaded forgetfulness. Thereupon, flying into a passion, 
he gave me half-a-dozen boxes on the ear, in such a style, as to kindle an illu- 
mination in my blinking eyes, to which the glories of Solomon's temple were 
no more to be compared, than the torches in a Candlemas procession to a rush- 
light. There is for you, you little scoundrel ! said he ; take that, and learn to 
mind your business. Must I be eternally at your heels to remind you of what 
you are to do ? Are your brains in your belly, and all your wits in your grind- 
ers ? You are not a downright idiot ! Then why not prevent my wants and 
anticipate my orders ? After this experimental lecture, he went out for the day, 
leaving me in high dudgeon, at a reprimand so much in the manner of my friend 
the ostler, for such a trifle as not getting up his things for the wash. 

I could never learn what happened to him a short time after at a tennis-court ; 
but one evening he came home in a terrible heat. Scipio, said he, I am bent 
on going to Italy, and must embark the day after to-morrow on board a vessel 
bound for Genoa. I have my reasons for making this little excursion ; of course 
you will be glad to attend me, and to profit by so fine an opportunity of seeing 
the loveliest country on the face of the earth. My tongue gave consent ; but 
with a salvo in my heart and a bargain with my revenge, to give him the slip 
just at the moment of embarkation. This was so delightful a scheme, that I 
could not help imparting it to a bully by profession, whom I met in the street. 
During my abode in Seville, I had picked up some awkward acquaintance, and 
this was one of the most ungainly. I told him how and why my ears had been 
boxed, and then communicated my project of running away from Don Abel just 
before the ship was to sail, begging to know what he thought of the plan. 

My bluff adviser puckered his eyebrows while he listened, and fiddled with 
his fingers about his whiskers : then, blaming my master very seriously, My 
little hero, said he, you are eternally disgraced, can never shew your face again, 
if you sit down quietly with so paltry a satisfaction as what you propose. To 
let Don Abel go off by himself, would be a poor revenge for wrongs like yours ; 
the punishment should be proportioned to his crime. Let us fine him to the full 
amount of his purse and effects, which we will share like brothers after he is 
gone. Now it is to be noted, that though thieving fell in very naturally with the 
bent of my genius, the proposal rather startled me, as the robbery was upon a 
large scale for so young an apprentice. 

And yet the arch deceiver of my innocence found the means of working me 
up to the perpetration, so that the result of our enterprise was as follows. This 
glorious ruffian, a tall, brawny fellow, came in the evening about twilight to our 
lodging. I shewed my master's travelling trunk ready packed, and asked him 
whether he could carry so heavy a load upon his shoulders. So heavy as that ! 
said he : shew me where a transfer of property is to be made in my favour, and 



SCIPiaS STORY. 371 



I could run with Noah's ark to the top of mount Ararat. To prove his words, 
he felt the trunk, flung it carelessly over his back, and scampered down-stairs. 
I followed nimbly ; and we had just got to the street door, when Don Abel, 
brought home in the nick of time by the ascendancy of his lucky stars, stood 
like an apparition, to appal our guilty souls. 

Whither are you going with that trunk ? said he. I was so taken by surprise 
that my assurance failed me ; and broad-shoulders, finding that he had drawn 
a blank in the lottery, threw down his booty, and took to his heels, rather than 
be troubled for an explanation. Once more, whither are you going with that 
trunk ? said my master. Sir, answered I, with all the honest simplicity of a 
criminal, pleading in arrest of judgment, I was going to put it on board the 
vessel, that we might have the less to do to-morrow, before we embark our- 
selves. Indeed ! Then you know, retorted he, in what ship I have taken my 
passage ? No, sir, replied I ! but those who can talk Latin may always find 
their way to Rome : I should have inquired at the port, and somebody would 
have informed me. At this explanation, which left his opinion where it found 
it, he darted a furious glance at me. I thought for all the world, he was going 
to cuff me again about the head. Who ordered you, cried he, to take my 
trunk out of this house ? You, your own self, said I. Can you possibly have 
forgotten how you rated me but a few days ago ? Did you not tell me, with a 
flea in my ear, that you would have me prevent your wants, and do beforehand 
from my own head whatever your service might require ? Now, not to be 
threshed a second time for want of forethought, I was seeing your trunk safe and 
soon enough on board. On this the gamester, finding that I had cut my teeth 
of wisdom sooner than suited his purpose, turned me off very coolly, saying : 
Go about your business, master Scipio, and speed as you may deserve. I do 
not like to play with folks who are in the habit of revoking. Get out of my 
sight, or I shall set your solfeggio in a crying key. 

I spared him the trouble of telling me to go twice. Off I shot like an arrow, 
for fear he should unfledge me, by taking away my livery. When distant 
enough to slacken my pace, I walked along in the streets, musing whither I 
might betake myself for a night's lodging, with only two reals in my pocket 
The gate of the archbishop's palace at length stared me in the face ; and, as 
his grace's supper was then dressing, a savoury odour exhaled from the kitchens, 
impregnating the gale with soup and sauce for a mile round. Ods haricots and 
cutlets ! thought I, it would be no hard matter for me to dispense with one of 
those little side dishes, which will be of no use to the archbishop but to make 
out the figure of his table : nay, I would be contented only just to dip in my four 
fingers and thumb, and then to sup like a bear upon suckings. But how to 
accomplish it ! Is there no way of bringing these choice morsels to a better 
test than that of smell ? And why not ? Hunger, they say, will break through 
stone walls. On this idea did I set my wits to work ; and, by dint of conning 
over the subject, a stratagem struck me, which set my lungs as well as appetite 
in motion, just as the old carpenter kept bawling, "I have found it," like a 
madman, when he had hit the right nail of his proposition on the head. I ran 
into the court of the palace, and made the best of my way to the kitchens, call- 
ing out with all my might, " Help ! help ! " as if some assassin had been at my 
heels. 

At my reiterated cries master Diego, the archbishop's cook, ran with three 
or four kitchen drudges to learn what was the matter ; and seeing only me, 
asked why I roared so loud. Ah ! good sir, answered I, with every token of 
exquisite distress, for mercy's sake and for St Polycarp's ! save me, I beseech 
you, from the fiuy of a blusterer, who swears he will kill me. But where is 
this disturber of the public peace ? cried Diego. You have no one to quarrel 



372 GIL BLAS. 



with but yourself ; for I do not see so much as a cat to spit at you. Go your 
ways, my little man, and do not be afraid ; it is evidently some wag who has 
been playing upon your cowardice for his diversion ; but he knew better than 
to follow you within these walls, for we would have cut his ears off at the least. 
No, no, said I, it was for no laughing matter that he ran after me. He is a noted 
footpad, and meant to rob me ; I am certain that he is now waiting for me at 
the corner of the street. Then he may wait long enough, replied the knight of 
the iron spit ; for you shall stay here till to-morrow. You shall sup with us, 
and we will give you a bed. 

I was out of my little wits with joy at the mention of these last tidings ; and 
it was like the turnpike road to paradise after crossing an Arabian desert, when 
being led by master Diego through the kitchens, I there saw my lord archbishop's 
supper, and the stew-pans in the last throes of parturition. There were fifteen 
accountable souls, for I reckoned them up, in attendance on the labour ; but 
the litter of dishes far out-numbered the fecundity of nature in her most prolific 
mood : so much more gracious and bountiful is providence to the heads of the 
church in the indulgence of their appetites, than mindful of the worthless brute 
creation in the propagation of its kind. Here it was, at the fountain-head of 
prelacy, inhaling an atmosphere of gravy, instead of just snuffing the scent as it 
lay upon the breeze, that I first shook hands with sensuality. I had the honour 
of supping with the scullions, and of sleeping in their room ; an initiation of 
friendship so sincere and strong, that on the following day, when I went to 
thank master Diego for his goodness in vouchsafing me a refuge, he said : Our 
kitchen lads have been with me in a body, to declare how excessively delighted 
they are with your manners, and to propose having you among them as a 
fellow-servant. How should you, on your part, like to make one of the society? 
I answered that, with such a feather in my cap, I should be the vainest and the 
happiest of mortals. Then so be it, my friend, replied he ; consider yourself 
henceforth as a buttress of the hierarchy. With this invitation, he introduced 
me to the major-domo, who thought he saw talent enough in me for a turnspit. 

No sooner was I in possession of so honourable an office, than master Diego, 
following the practice of cooks in great houses, who pamper up their pretty 
dears in private with all sorts of good things, selected me to supply a lady in the 
neighbourhood with a regular table of butcher's meat, poultry, and game. This 
good friend of his was a widow on the right side of thirty, very pretty, very 
lively, and to all appearance contenting herself with cupboard love for her 
cook. His generous passion was not confined to furnishing her with bread, 
meat, and garnish ; she drank her wine too, and the archbishop was her wine- 
merchant. 

The improvement of my parts kept pace with that of my carnal condition in 
his grace's palace : where I gave a specimen of rising genius, still ringing on the 
trump of fame at Seville. The pages and some others of the household had a 
mind to get up a play on my lord archbishop's birthday. They chose a 
popular Spanish tragedy ; and wanting a boy about my age to personate the 
young King of Leon, cast me for the part. The major-domo, a great spouter, 
undertook to train me for the stage ; and after a few lessons, pronounced that I 
should not be the worst actor of the company. His grace not wishing to starve 
so handsome a compliment to himself, no expense was spared in getting it up 
magnificently. The largest hall in the palace was fitted up as a theatre, with 
appropriate decorations. At the side scene there was a bed of turf, on which I 
was to be discovered asleep, when the Moors were to rush in and take me 
prisoner. When we had got so forward with our rehearsals as to be sure of 
being ready by the time fixed, the archbishop sent out cards of invitation to all 
the principal families in the city. 



SCIPias STORY. 373 



At length the great, the important day arrived ; and each performer was big 
with the contrivance and adjustment of his dress. Mine was brought by a 
tailor, accompanied by our major-domo, who, after taking the trouble of drilling 
me at rehearsal, wished to see justice done to my outward appearance. The 
tailor put me on a rich robe of blue velvet, with hanging sleeves, gold lace, 
fringe, and buttons : the major-domo himself crowned me with a pasteboard 
crown, studded with false diamonds and real pearls. Moreover, they gave me a 
sash of pink silk worked in silver ; so that every new ornament was like a quill- 
feather in the wing of a bird. At last, about dusk, the play began. The cur- 
tain drew up for my soliloquy ; the purport of which was to express, in a round- 
about, poetical way, that not being able to defend myself from the influence of 
sleep, I was going to lie down and take it as it came. To suit the action to the 
word, I sidled off to the corner between the flat and the wings, and squatted 
down on my bed of turf, but instead of going to sleep, according to promise, I 
was hammering upon the means of getting into the street, and running away with 
my coronation finery. A little private staircase, leading under the theatre into 
the lower saloon, seemed to furnish the probability of success. I slid away 
slily, while the audience were considering some necessary question of the play, 
and ran down the staircase, through the saloon, to the door, calling out, "Make 
way ! make way ! I must change my dress, and run up again in a moment !" 
They all made a lane, for fear of hindering me ; so that in less than two minutes 
I got clear out of the palace, under cover of the darkness, and scampered to the 
house of my friend who saw gentlemen's trunks safe on board. 

He stared like a stuck pig at my equipment ! But when I let him into the 
why and the wherefore, he laughed ready to split his sides. Then, shaking 
hands in the sincerity of his heart, because he flattered himself with the hope of 
a pension on the King of Leon's civil list, he wished me joy of so successful a 
first appearance, and joined issue with the major-domo in the prognostic, that 
with encouragement and practice I should turn out a first-rate actor, and make 
no little noise in the world. After we had diverted ourselves for some time at 
the expense of my manager and audience, I said to the bully — What shall we 
do with this magnificent dress? Do not make yourself uneasy about that, an- 
swered he. I know an honest broker, without an atom of curiosity in his com- 
position, who will buy or sell anything with any person, provided that he gets 
the turn of the market upon the transaction. I will fetch him to you to-morrow 
morning. The knowing fellow was as good as his word ; for he went out early 
the next day, leaving me in bed, and returned two hours afterwards with the 
broker, carrying a yellow bundle under his arm. My friend, said he, give me 
leave to introduce Signor Ybagnez of Segovia, who, in spite of the bad example 
set him by the trade in general, trusts to fair dealing and small profits for a 
moderate pittance and an unblemished character. He will tell you to a fraction 
what the dress you want to part with is really worth, and you may take his 
calculation as the balance of justice, between man and man. Oh yes ! to a 
nicety, said the broker. Else wherefore live I in a Christian land, but to ap- 
praise for my neighbour as for myself? To take a mean advantage never was, 
thank heaven ! and at these years never shall be, imputed to Ybagnez of Segovia. 
Let us look a little at those articles ! You are the seller ; I am the buyer ! We 
have only to agree upon an equitable price. Here they are, said the bully, 
pulling them out : now own the truth, was there ever anything more magnifi- 
cent ? You do not often see such velvet : and then the trimming ! You cannot say 
too much of it, answered the salesman, examining the suit with the prying eye 
of a dealer, it is of the very first quality. And what think you of the pearls 
upon this crown ? resumed my friend. A little rounder, observed Ybagnez, and 
there would be no setting a price upon them ! however, take them as they are, 



374 GIL BLAS. 



it is a very fine set, and I do not want to find fault about trifles. Now your 
common run of appraisers, under my circumstances, would affect to disparage 
the goods for the sake of getting them cheaper ; one of those fellows would 
have the conscience to offer twenty pistoles ; but there is nothing like bargain- 
ing with an upright, downright man ! I will give forty at a word ; take them 
or leave them ! 

Had Ybagnez ventured up to a hundred, he would not have burned his 
fingers ; for the pearls alone would have fetched two hundred anywhere. The 
bully, who went snacks, then said — Now only look ! what a mercy it is, to fall 
into the hands of a man not of this world. Signor Ybagnez estimates money 
as dross, in comparison of his principles and his soul. He may die to-night, 
and yet not be taken unprepared ! That is too much ! You make me 
blush, said the salesman of principle and soul ; but so far is true, that my price 
is always fixed. Well, now, is it a bargain ? The money down upon the nail 
too ! Stop a moment ! answered the bully ; my little friend must first try on 
the clothes you have brought for him by my order : I am very much mistaken 
if they will not just fit him. The salesman then, untying his bundle, shewed 
me a second-hand suit of dark cloth with silver buttons. I got up, and got into 
it ; too big for me every way ! but these gentlemen could have sworn it had 
been made to my measure. Ybagnez put it at ten pistoles ; and as he was an 
upright, downright man, of fixed principle and soul, estimating money as dross 
in comparison of integrity, his first price was of course his last. He therefore 
took out his purse, and counted down thirty pistoles upon a table ; after which 
he packed up the King of Leon's regalia, and went his way.- 

"When he was gone, the bully said — I am very well satisfied with that broker. 
And so he well might be ; for I am certain he must have received at least a 
hundred pistoles as hush-money. But there was no reason why the broker's 
benevolence should pay the debts of my gratitude : so he took half the money 
on the table, without saying with your leave or by your leave, and suffered me 
to pocket the remainder, with the following advice : My dear Scipio, with that 
balance of fifteen pistoles, I would have you get out of this town as fast as you 
can ; for you may suppose that my lord archbishop will ferret you out if you 
are above-ground. It would grieve me to the heart if, after having risen so 
superior to the prejudice of honesty, you had the weakness to fall foul of what 
alone keeps it afloat, the house of correction. I answered that it was my fixed 
purpose to make myself scarce at Seville, and accordingly, after buying a hat 
and some shirts, I travelled through vineyards and olive groves to the ancient 
city of Carmona; and in three days afterwards arrived at Cordova. 

I put up at an inn close by the market-place, giving myself out for the heir 
of a good family at Toledo, travelling for his pleasure. My appearance did not 
belie the story, and a few pistoles, which I contrived carelessly to chink within 
the landlord's hearing, pinned his faith upon my veracity. Probably my un- 
fledged youth might lead him to take me for some graceless little truant who 
had robbed his parents and run away. But that was no concern of his : he 
took the thing just as I gave it him, for fear lest his curiosity should clash 
with my continuance at his house. For six reals a day one could live like a 
gentleman at this inn, where there was generally a considerable concourse of 
company. About a dozen people sat down at supper. It was whimsical enough ; 
but the whole party plied their knives and forks without speaking a word, ex- 
cept one man, who talked incessantly, right or wrong, and made up for the 
silence of the rest by his eternal babble. He affected to be a wit, to tell a good 
story, and took great pains to make the good folks merry by his puns ; and 
accordingly they did laugh most inextinguishably ; but it was at him, not with 
him. 



sap/as story. 



For my part, I paid so little attention to the talk of this rattle, that I should 
have got up from table without knowing what it was all about, if he had not 
brought it home to my business and my bosom. Gentlemen, cried he, just as 
supper was over, I have kept my best story for the last ; a very droll thing 
happened within these few days at the archbishop of Seville's palace. I had 
it from a young fellow of my acquaintance, who assures me that he was present 
at the time. These words made my heart jump up into my throat, for I had 
no doubt of this being my exploit — and so it turned out. This pleasant gentle- 
man related the facts as they actually happened, and even carried the adventure 
to its conclusion, of which I was as yet ignorant : but now you shall be made 
as wise as myself. 

No sooner had I absconded, than the Moors, who were, according to the 
progress of the fable and the rising of the interest, to lay violent hands on me, 
appeared upon the stage, for the fell purpose of surprising me on my bed of 
turf, where the author had given them reason to expect me fast asleep ; but when 
they thought they were just going to capot the King of Leon, they found, to 
their surprise, that both the king and the knave made a trick against them. 
Here was a hole in the ballad ! The actors all lost their cue ; some of them 
called me by name, others ran to look for me ; here is a fellow bawling as 
though his bellows would burst, there stands another, muttering to himself 
about the devil, just as if that reptile could stand upright in such a presence ! 
The archbishop, perceiving trouble and confusion to lord it behind the scenes, 
asked what was the matter. At the sound of the prelate's voice, a page, who 
was the fiddle of the piece, came to the front and spoke thus : My lord arch- 
bishop, ladies, and gentlemen ! We are extremely sorry to inform you, as 
players, but extremely glad, as men and Christians, that the King of Leon is at 
present in no danger whatever of being taken prisoner by the Moors : he has 
adopted effectual measures for the security of his royal person ; and to the royal 
person, as liberty avails little without property, he has irrevocably attached the 
crown, insignia, and robes. And a happy deliverance for himself and Chris- 
tendom ! exclaimed the archbishop. He has done perfectly right to escape 
from the enemies of our religion, and to burst from the bonds in which their 
malice would have laid him. By this time, probably, he has reached the con- 
fines of his kingdom, or may have entered the capital. May no unlucky acci- 
dent have retarded him on his journey ! And that the sin of none such may lie 
heavy on my conscience, 1 beg leave very positively to make my pleasure known, 
that he may proceed unmolested by any interruption from this quarter ; I should 
be highly mortified indeed, if his majesty's pious endeavours were to be frustrated 
by the slightest indignity from the ministers of that religion in whose cause he 
labours and suffers. The prelate, having thus declared his acquiescence in the 
motives of my flight, ordered my part to be read, and the play to be resumed. 

Ch. "XI.— Continuation of Scipids story. 

As long as I had money in my purse, my landlord was cap in hand ; but the 
moment he began to suspect that the funds were low, he became high and 
mighty, picked a German quarrel with me, and one morning, before breakfast, 
begged it as a favour of me to march out of his house. I followed his counsel 
as proudly as you please, and betook me to a church belonging to the fathers 
of St Dominic, where, while mass was performing, an old beggar accosted me 
on the usual topic of alms. I dropped some small change into his hat, which 
was truly the orphan's mite, saying at the same time : My friend, remember in 
your prayers to mention a situation for me ; if your petition is heard with 
favour, it shall be all the better for you ; hearty thanks, and a handsome poundage ! 



376 GIL BLAS. 



At these words, the beggar surveyed me up and down from head to foot, 
and answered in a grave tone : What place would you wish to have ? I should 
like, replied I, to be footman in some family where I should do well. He in- 
quired whether the matter pressed. With all possible importunity, said I> 
for unless I have the good luck to get settled very soon, the alternative will 
be horrible ; death by the gripe of absolute famine, or a livelihood in the ranks 
of your fraternity. If the latter were, after all, to be your lot, resumed he, it 
certainly would be rather hard upon you, who have not been brought up to our 
habits of life ; but, with a little use and practice, you would prefer our condi- 
tion to service, which, partiality apart, is far less respectable than the beggar's 
vocation. Nevertheless, since you like a menial occupation better than 
leading a free and independent life like me, you shall have a berth without more 
ado. Mean as my appearance, is, you must not measure my power by it. 
Meet me here at the same hour to-morrow. 

I took care to keep the appointment. Though at the spot before the time, I 
had not long to wait before the beggar joined me, and told me to follow him. 
I did so. He led me to a cellar not far from the church where he resided. 
We went in together ; and sitting down on a long bench, at least a hundred 
years the worse for wear, the conversation took this turn on his part : A good 
action, as the proverb says, always meets with its reward : you gave me alms 
yesterday, and that has determined me to get you a place, which shall be soon 
done, with a blessing on my endeavours. I know an old Dominican, by name 
Father Alexis, a holy monk, a ghostly confessor. I have the honour to do all 
his little odd jobs, performing my task with so much discretion and good faith, 
that he always lends his interest to me and my friends. I have spoken to him 
about you, and in such terms as to prepossess him in your favour. You may 
be introduced to his reverence whenever you please. 

There is not a moment to be lost, said I to the old beggar ; let us go to the 
good monk immediately. The mendicant agreed, and led me by the arm to Father 
Alexis, whom we found in his room, hard at work, writing spiritual letters. He 
broke off to talk with me. As it was the wish of the mendicant, he would do 
all in his power to serve me. Having learnt, pursued he, that Signor Balthasar 
Velasquez is in want of a footboy, I wrote to him this morning on your behalf, 
and he just sent me for answer, that he would take you without further inquiry 
on my recommendation. This very day you may call on him from me ; he is 
one of my flock, and my very good friend. Thereupon the monk preached to 
me for three quarters of an hour on my moral and religious duties, and how to 
fulfil them in conscience and honour. He enlarged principally on the obligation 
of serving Velasquez with diligence and devotion ; and then assured me that he 
would take care and keep me in my place, provided my master had no very 
material fault to find with me. 

After having thanked the holy person for his goodness towards me, I left the 
convent with the beggar, who told me that Signor Balthasar Velasquez was an 
old woollen-draper, but with much simplicity and good nature in his character. 
I doubt not, added he, but you will be perfectly comfortable in his house. I 
begged to know his place of residence, and repaired thither immediately, after 
promising to make my gratitude manifest, as soon as I had taken root in my 
new soil. I went into a large shop, where two fashionable young apprentices 
were walking up and down, practising new grimaces against the entrance of the 
next customer. I inquired whether their master was at home, saying that I 
wanted to speak with him from Father Alexis. At that venerable name they 
shewed me into the counting-house, where their principal was turning over the 
ledger. I made a low bow, and coming up to him, Sir, said I, Father Alexis 
ordered me to call here and offer myself as a servant to your honour. Ah ! my 



SCIPIO'S STORY. 377 



smart lad, answered he, you are heartily welcome. It is enough that the holy 
man sent you ; and I shall take you in preference to three or four others who 
have been recommended. It is a clear case ; your wages begin from this day. 

A very short time in the family convinced me that the head of it was just such 
a man as he had been described. In point of simplicity, he was everything that 
could be wished ; so exquisite a subject for imposition, that it seemed next to an 
impossibility not to exercise my craft upon such a handle. He had been a 
widower four years, and had two children, a son five-and-twenty, and a daughter 
in her eleventh year. The girl, brought up by a severe duenna, under the spi- 
ritual conduct of Father Alexis, walked in the high road of virtue ; but her 
brother, Gaspard Velasquez, though no pains had been spared to make a good 
man of him, picked out for himself all the vices of a young profligate. Some- 
times he stayed away from home two or three days together ; and if, on his re- 
turn, his father ventured to remonstrate in the least against his proceedings, 
Gaspard shut his mouth at once, with a haughty toss of the head, and an im- 
pertinent answer. 

Scipio, said the old man one day, my son is the plague of my life. He is 
over head and ears in all kinds of debauchery : and yet there is no accounting 
for it, since his education was by no means neglected. I have given him the 
very best masters ; and my friend Father Alexis has done his utmost to train 
him up in the way he should go ; but there was no breaking him in ; Master Gas- 
pard ran restive, and bolted into downright libertinism. You may perhaps tell 
me, that I spared the rod and spoiled the child. Quite otherwise ! he was 
punished whenever the occasion seemed to demand it ; for, though good-tem- 
pered at bottom, I am not to be played upon. I have even gone so far as to 
lock him up, but that only made him more headstrong than before. In short, 
he is one of those impracticable beings, on whom good example, good advice, 
and a good horsewhip, are equally thrown away. If ever he makes any figure 
in the world, it must be by a miracle from heaven. 

Though my heart was not grievously wrung by the sorrows of this unhappy 
father, sympathy was expected from me, and I condoled with him accordingly. 
How much to be pitied you are, sir ! said I. Virtues like yours deserved to 
have been handed down in your progeny. The event is quite the reverse, my 
good lad, answered he. Heaven heard my prayer, and gave me a son, but con- 
verted the blessing into an affliction. Among other grounds of complaint 
against Gaspard, I may tell you in confidence, there is one which gives me a 
great deal of uneasiness ; a vast longing to rob his old father, which he too often 
finds the means of satisfying, in spite of all my caution. Your predecessor 
played into his hands, and was turned away in consequence. As for you, I 
flatter myself that my son will never be able to tamper with your honesty. You 
will take my side of the question ; for doubtless Father Alexis has given you 
your lesson on that head. You may rest assured of that, said I ; for a good 
long hour did his reverence lecture me on doing your will and pleasure without 
let or hindrance ; but I can assure you, there was no need of his saying any- 
thing about the matter. I feel within myself a sort of call to serve you faithfully, 
and I promise to do it with a zeal beyond all the temptations of the world to 
shake or lessen. 

He who only hears one side is in danger of deciding partially. Young Ve- 
lasquez, a mixture of the fribble and the braggart, concluding from the cut of 
my countenance that I was made up of mortal frailty like my dear predecessor, 
drew me aside to a snug corner, and there talked to me after this fashion. Now 
mind what is said to you, my dear fellow ; you may think I do not know that 
you are set as a spy upon me by my father ; but take especial care how 
you proceed, for I can assure you most sincerely, that the office is not without 



178 GIL BLAS. 



very considerable inconvenience to those who undertake it. If ever I find 
that you tell tales out of school, I will give you such a basting as you never had 
in your life ; but if you will make common cause with me, and a fool of my 
father, you may buy golden returns of gratitude from your humble servant. 
Do you wish me to deal with you upon the nail ? You shall" go snacks in all 
that we can squeeze out of the old fellow. You have only to take your choice : 
fall at once into the ranks either of father or son ; for neutrals will come worst 
off, where the contending parties fight for their existence. 

Sir, answered I, you make the shoe pinch very tight ; it is self-evident that 
there is nothing for me to do but to enlist under your banners, though in my 
conscience it seems like a crying sin to betray Signor Yelasquez. That is no 
concern of yours, rejoined Gaspard ; he is an old hunks, who wants to keep me 
under his thumb ; a curmudgeon who refuses me the rights of nature, in refus- 
ing to stand to the expenses and repairs of my pleasures ; for pleasures are the 
necessaries of life at five-and-twenty. It is in this point of view that you must 
form your opinion of my father. If that is the case, so be it, sir, said I ; there 
is no standing against so just a subject of complaint. I am quite at your serv- 
ice to play second fiddle in all your laudable enterprises ; but let us take espe- 
cial care to conceal our good understanding, for fear your faithful, humble 
servant should be kicked out of doors. It will not be amiss, in my poor 
opinion, for you to affect an extreme antipathy against me : some good round of 
abuse would have a very pretty effect ; you need not be nice ; all the blackguard 
terms in the dictionary will come at your call. Nay, a box on the ear now and 
then, or a kick on the breech, will break no squares ; on the contrary, the more 
--:press your thorough dislike, the more Signor Balthasar will pin his faith 
upon my sleeve. My cue will be, apparently to avoid speaking to you if pos- 
sible. In waiting at table, I shall perform my little attentions to you at arm's 
length ; and whenever your honour may happen to be called over the coals by 
the shopmen, you must not take it amiss if I abuse you worse than a pick- 
pocket. 

As plain as chalk from cheese ! cried young Yelasquez at this last hint ; this 
is admirable, my friend ; at your early age, it is uncommon to meet with such 
a talent for intrigue ; I consider it as a most happy omen for my purpose. 
With such a performer to play up to me, I flatter myself the old codger will be 
pinched to the bone and left penniless. You really carry your good opinion of 
me beyond what my merit will justify, said I ; some industry may fall to my 
share, but not such exalted genius. But I shall do my utmost ; and if my hon- 
est endeavours fail, your candour must find excuses for my imbecility. 

It was not long before Gaspard had proof positive that I was to a hair's 
breadth the very man he wanted ; and the following was precisely the first trick 
I played into his hand. Balthasar' s strong box was in the good man's chamber, 
by his bed-side, a sort of oratory, with a prayer-book always lying upon it. 
- time I looked that way, my eyes glistened with hope and pleasure ; my 
heart chuckled over the very idea of what might happen : Fair, sweet, cruel 
box, will you for ever be coy to my addresses ? May I never experience the 
heart-felt delight of possessing ail your charms for better, for worse ? As I 
went into the room at pleasure, and only Gaspard was warned off the premises, 
it happened one day that I watched his father. The old gentleman, fancying 
himself unobserved of human eye, after having opened his treasury and closed 
it fast again, hid the key behind the hangings. I took an accurate observation 
of the place, and communicated the discovery to my young master, who said 
with an improving hug : Ah ! my dear Scipio, what glorious news you bring ! 
Our fortune is made, my dear fellow. I will furnish you with wax ; you shall 
take the impression of the key, and then our business is done. There will be 



seiners STORY. 



379 



no difficulty in finding a benevolent locksmith in Cordova, where, to do the 
place justice, there are as many rogues as in any part of Spain. 

Well ! but why, said I to Gaspard, do you want a false key ? We may find 
our account in the proper one. Yes, answered he ; but I am afraid lest my 
father, through mistrust or whim, should take a fancy to hiding it elsewhere ; 
and the safest way is, to have one of our own. I commended his precaution, 
and falling in with all his principles, got ready for taking the impression of the 
key : this was effected one morning early, while my old master was paying a 
visit to Father Alexis, with whom he for the most part held very long confer- 
ences. I did not stop here ; but availed myself of the key to open the strong 
box, wherein an ample range of large and small bags threw me into the most 
delightful perplexity imaginable. I did not know which to choose, there was 
such a family likeness among them ; nevertheless, as the fear of being caught 
did not allow of any long deliberation, I laid hands, hap-hazard, on the largest. 
Then, locking the box carefully, and putting the key back again behind the 
hangings, I got away out of the chamber with my booty, and hid it under my 
bed, in a small closet where I lay. 

Having performed this exploit so successfully, I ran back as fast as my legs 
would carry me to young Velasquez, who was waiting at a house where he had 
given me notice to meet him, and his delight was extreme at the recital of what 
I had just done. He was so fully satisfied with me, as to lavish caresses with- 
out number, and to offer me thrice, in the fulness of his heart, half the contents 
of the bag, which I did thrice refuse. No, no, sir, said I, this first bag is yours 
and yours only ; apply it to your own uses and occasions. I shall return forth- 
with to the strong box, where, as our lucky stars have contrived it, there is 
money enough for both of us. Accordingly, three days afterwards I carried off 
a second bag, containing, like the first, five hundred crowns, of which I would 
only handle the fourth part, let Gaspard be as pressing as he pleased to force 
upon me a brotherly division, share and share alike. 

As soon as this young man found himself so flush of money, and consequently 
in a condition to gratify his hankering after women and play, he gave himself 
up entirely to the devices of his own imagination ; nay, his evil genius pursued 
him so far, as to make him fall desperately in love with one of those female 
harpies, who devour without remorse or intermission, and swallow up the 
largest fortunes. His disbursements at her instigation were frightful ; and thus 
it became necessary for me to pay so many visits to the strong box, that old 
Velasquez at length found out he had been robbed. Scipio, said he one morn- 
ing, I must give you a piece of information ; some one robs me, my friend ; my 
strong box has been opened ; several bags have been taken out, that is a certain 
fact. Whom ought I to accuse of this theft ? or rather, who else but my son 
can have committed it ? Gaspard must have got by stealth into my chamber, or 
else you yourself must have played booty with him ; for I am tempted to believe 
you are in league with him, though to outward appearance you do not set up 
your horses together. And yet I am unwilling to harbour that suspicion, be- 
cause Father Alexis undertook to answer for your honesty. I gave him to un- 
derstand that, by the blessing of heaven on a good natural disposition, my 
neighbours' goods had no temptation in my sight ; and I so happily suited the 
action to the lie, and the lie to the action, that my judge pronounced a verdict 
of acquittal on the evidence of grimace and hypocrisy. 

Accordingly the old man dropped the subject ; but for all that, there was a 
general misgiving in his breast, and it would sometimes light upon me ; taking 
precautions, therefore, against our further attacks, he had a new lock put to his 
strong box, and always carried the key in his pocket. By these means, an 
embargo being laid on our traffic with the bags, we looked excessively foolish, 



380 GIL BIAS. 



especially Gaspard, who, being unable any longer to keep his nymph in her usual 
style, knew very well that he was likely to be tossed out of her window. He 
had, however, invention enough to devise an expedient for keeping his head 
above water a few days longer, and that was neither more nor less than to get 
into his clutches, in the form of a loan, my dividend on the joint stock of the 
strong box. I refunded to the last farthing ; and this restitution, it is to be 
hoped, may be set off as an anticipated act of justice to the old draper, in the 
person of his heir. 

The young man, having exhausted this scanty supply, and desperate of 
any other, fell into a deep melancholy, and into ultimate derangement. He no 
longer looked on his father in any other light than as the bane of his life. 
His frenzy broke out into the most dreadful projects; so that, without listening 
to the voice of consanguinity or nature, the wretch conceived the impious de- 
sign of poisoning him. He was not content with making me privy to the 
atrocious design, but even proposed to render me the instrument of parricide. 
At the very thought, my blood ran cold within me. Sir, said I, is it possible 
that you are so rejected of heaven as to have formed this horrid plot? What ! 
is it in your nature to murder the author of your existence? Shall Spain, the 
favoured abode of the Christian faith, bear witness to the commission of a 
crime, at the first blush of which transatlantic savages would recoil with horror? 
No, my dear master, added I, throwing myself on my knees, no, you will not 
be guilty of an action which would raise the hand of all mankind against you, 
and be overtaken by an infamous punishment. 

I pressed many arguments beside on Gaspard, to dissuade him from so fear- 
ful an enterprise. How the deuce I came by all the moral and religious 
topics, which I brought to act against the fortress of his despair, is more than 
I can account for; but it is certain that I preached like a doctor of Salamanca, 
though a mere stripling, born of a gipsy fortune-teller. And yet it was to no 
purpose that I suggested the duty of communing with his own better resolu- 
tions, and stoutly wrestling with the fiend, who was lying in wait for his im- 
mortal soul ; my pious eloquence was dissipated into air. His head hung 
sullenly on his bosom, and his tongue uttered no sound, in answer to all my 
mollifying exhortations, so that there was every reason to conclude he would 
not swerve from his purpose. 

Hereupon, taking my own measures, I requested a private interview with my 
old master ; and being closeted with him, Sir, said I, allow me to throw myself 
at your feet, and to implore your pity. In pathetic accord with my moving 
accents, I prostrated myself before him, with my face all bathed in tears. The 
merchant, surprised at what he saw and heard, asked the cause of my distress. 
Remorse of conscience and repentance, answered I ; but neither repentance 
nor remorse can ever wash out my guilt. I have been weak enough to give 
ear to your son, and to be his accomplice in robbing you. To this confession 
I added a sincere acknowledgment of all that had happened, with the par- 
ticulars of my late conversation with Gaspard, whose design I laid open with- 
out the least reserve. 

Bad as was the opinion which old Velasquez entertained of his son, he could 
scarcely believe his ears. Nevertheless, finding no good reason to distrust the 
truth of my account, Scipio, said he, raising me from the ground, where I had 
till now been prostrate at his feet, I forgive you in consideration of the im- 
portant notice you have communicated. Gaspard! pursued he, raising his 
voice up to the loudness of anguish, does Gaspard aim a blow at my life ! Ah ! 
ungrateful son, unnatural monster! better thou hadst never been born, or 
stifled at thy birth, than to have been reared for the destruction of thy father ! 
What plea, what object, what palliation of the atrocious deed? I furnished 



SCIPias STOR Y. 38 1 



thee annually with a reasonable allowance for thy pleasures, and what wouldst 
thou have more ? Must I have drained my fortune to the dregs to support 
thee in thy extravagance ? Having vented his feelings in this bitter apostrophe, 
he enjoined secresy on me, and told me to leave him alone, while he considered 
how to act in so delicate a conjuncture. 

I was very anxious to know what resolution this unhappy father -would take, 
when on that very day he sent for Gaspard, and addressed him thus without 
betraying the inward emotions of his heart : My son, I have received a letter 
from Merida, purporting that if you are disposed to marry, you may make a 
match with a very fine girl of fifteen, with a handsome fortune in her pocket. 
If you have not forsworn that happy and holy estate, we will set out to-morrow 
morning by daybreak for Merida : you will see the lady in question, and if she 
hits your fancy, the business may soon be settled. Gaspard, pricking up his 
ears at a handsome fortune, and already fingering the cash by anticipation, an- 
swered unhesitatingly that he was ready to undertake the journey; and accord- 
ingly they departed the following day at sun-rise, without attendants, mounted 
on good mules. 

Having reached the mountains of Fesira, in a delightful spot for the opera- 
tions of banditti, but terror-stirring to the timid souls of travellers, Balthasar 
dismounted, and desired his son to do likewise. The young man obeyed, but 
expressed his surprise at such a requisition, in so lonely a place. I will tell 
you the reason presently, answered the old man, darting at him a look of 
mingled grief and anger: We are not going to Merida; and the alleged 
courtship was only an invention of mine, for the purpose of drawing you 
hither. I am not ignorant, ungrateful and unnatural son, I am not uninformed 
of your meditated crime. I am aware that a poison, prepared by your hands, 
was to have been administered to me ; but, mad as you are, could it enter into 
your contemplation that my life could have been invaded with impunity by such 
means ? How fatally mistaken ! Your crime would soon have been detected, 
and you would have perished under the hands of the executioner. There is a 
safer way of glutting your fell malice, without exposing yourself to an ignomini- 
ous death ; we are here without witnesses, and in a place where daily murders 
are perpetrated ; since you are so thirsty after my blood, plunge your dagger 
into my bosom : the assassination will naturally be laid at the door of some 
banditti. After' these words, Balthasar, laying his breast bare, and pointing to 
his heart, ended with this challenge : Here, Gaspard, strike deep enough, 
strike home ; make me pay that forfeit for having engendered such a disgrace 
to human nature, and no more than what is due to so monstrous a pro- 
duction. 

Young Velasquez, struck by this reproach as by a thunderbolt, far from 
pleading in his own justification, fell instantly lifeless at his father's feet. The 
good old man, hailing the germ of repentance in this unfeigned testimony of 
shame, could not help yielding to paternal weakness ; he made all possible 
haste to give his assistance ; but Gaspard had no sooner recovered the use of his 
senses, than unable to stand in the presence of a father so justly offended, he 
made an effort to raise himself from the ground, then sprang upon his mule, 
and galloped out of sight without saying one word. Balthasar suffered him to 
take his own course, and returned to Cordova, little doubting but conscience 
would play its part in revenging his wrongs. Six months afterwards it appear- 
ed that the culprit had thrown' himself into the Carthusian convent at Seville, 
there to pass the remnant of his days in penance. 



382 GIL BLAS. 



Ch. XII. — Conclusion of Scipids story. 

Bad example sometimes produces the converse of itself. The behaviour of 
young Velasquez made me think seriously on my own predicament. I began 
to wrestle with my thievish propensities, and to live like one of the better sort. 
A confirmed habit of pouncing upon money wherever I could get it, had been 
contracted by such a long succession of individual acts, that it was no easy matter 
to say where it should stop. And yet I was in hopes to accomplish my own 
reformation, under the idea that to become virtuous a man had nothing to do 
but to contract the desire of being so. I therefore undertook this great work, 
and heaven seemed to smile upon my efforts : I left off eyeing the old draper's 
strong box with the carnal regard of avaricious longing : nay, I verily believe, 
that if it had depended on my own will and pleasure to have turned over the 
contents to my own use, I should have abstained from the crime of picking and 
stealing. It must, however, be admitted, that it would have been an unadvisable 
measure to tempt my new-born integrity with meats too strong for its stomach : 
and Velasquez was nurse enough to keep me on a proper diet. 

Don Manriquez de Medrano, a young gentleman, knight of Alcantara, was in 
the habit of coming backwards and forwards to our house. He was a customer, 
one of our principal in point of rank, if not punctual in point of pay. I had the 
happiness to find favour with this knight, who never met me without that sort 
of notice which encouraged conversation, and with that conversation he ap- 
peared always to be very much pleased. Scipio, said he, one day, if I had a 
footman of your kidney, it would be as good as a fortune to me, and if you 
were not in the service of a man who stands so high in my regards, I should 
make no scruple about enticing you away. Sir, answered I, you would have 
very little trouble in succeeding ; for I am distractedly partial to people of 
fashion ; it is my weak side ; their free and easy manners fascinate me to the 
extreme of folly. That being the case, replied Don Manriquez, I will at once 
beg Signor Balthasar to turn you over from his household to mine : he will 
scarcely refuse me such a request. Accordingly Velasquez was kind and com- 
plying, with so much the less violence to his own private feelings, as there 
seemed no reason to think, that if a man parted with one knavish servant, he 
might not easily get another in his place. To me the change was all for the 
better, since a tradesman's service appeared but a beggarly condition in com- 
parison with the office of own man to a knight of Alcantara. 

To draw a faithful likeness of my new master, I must describe him as a gen- 
tleman possessing every requisite of person, figure, manners, and disposition. 
Nor was that all ; for his courage and honour were equal to his other qualities : 
the goods of fortune were the only good things he wanted, but being the 
younger son of a family more distinguished by descent than opulence, he was 
obliged to draw for his expenses on an old aunt living at Toledo, who loved 
him as her own child, and administered to his occasions with affectionate liber- 
ality. He was always well dressed, and everywhere well received. He visited 
the principal ladies in the city, and among others the Marchioness of Almenara. 
She was a widow of seventy-two, but the centre of attraction to all the fashion- 
able society of Cordova, by the elegance of her manners and the sprightliness 
of her conversation : men as well as women laid themselves out for an intro- 
duction, because her parties conferred at once on the frequenters the patent of 
good company. 

My master was one of that lady's most assiduous courtiers. After leaving 
her one evening, his spirits seemed to be more elevated than was natural to him. 
Sir, said I, you are evidently in a good deal of agitation ; may your faithful 



SCIPiaS STORY. 383 



servant ask on what account ? Has anything happened out of the common way ? 
The young gallant smiled at so home a question, and owned candidly that he had 
just been engaged in a serious conversation with the Marchioness of Almenara. 
I will lay a wager, said I, laughing outright, that this moppet of threescore and 
ten, this girl in her second childhood, has been unfolding to you all the secret 
movements of a tender, susceptible heart. Do not make a jest of it, answered 
he ; for the fact is, my friend, that the Marchioness is seriously in love with me. 
She told me that the narrowness of my circumstances was as well known to her 
as the nobility of my birth ; that she had taken a liking to me, and was de- 
termined to place me at my ease by marriage, since she could not decently lay 
her fortune at my feet on any other terms. That this marriage would expose 
her to public ridicule, she professed to have considered ; that scandal would 
be busy at her expense ; in short, that she should pass for an old fool with an 
ambitious eye and a liquorish constitution. No matter for that ! She was not 
to be awed from the career of her humour by quips and sentences : her only 
alarm was, lest I should either make sport of her intentions, or torment her 
more grievously by my aversion. 

Such, continued the knight, was the substance of the Marchioness's declara- 
tion, and I am the more astonished at it, because she is the most prudent and 
sensible woman in Cordova ; wherefore I answered by expressing my surprise 
at her honouring me with the offer of her hand, since she had hitherto persisted 
in her resolution of remaining in a state of widowhood. To this she replied, 
that having a considerable fortune, it would give her pleasure to share it in her 
life-time with a man of honour to whom she was attached. To all appearance 
then, rejoined I, you have made up your mind to take a lover's leap. Can you 
doubt about that? answered he. The Marchioness is immensely rich, with 
excellent qualities both of head and heart. It would be the extreme of folly 
and fastidiousness to let so advantageous a settlement slip through my fingers. 

I entirely approved my master's purpose of profiting by so fine an opportu- 
nity to make his fortune, and even advised him to bring the matter to a short 
issue, for fear of a change in the wind. Happily the lady had the business more 
at heart than myself; her orders were given so effectually, that the necessary- 
forms and ceremonies were soon got over. When it became known in Cor- 
dova that the old Marchioness of Almenara was getting herself ready to be the 
bride of young Don Manriquez de Medrano, the wits began breaking their odd 
quirks and remnants in derision of the widow ; but though she heard her own 
detractions, she did not put them to mending ; the town might talk as they 
pleased ; for when she said she would die a widow, she did not think to live 
till she were married. The wedding was solemnized with a publicity and 
splendour which furnished fresh food for evil tongues. The bride, said they, 
might at least have had the modesty to dispense with noise and ostentation, so 
unbecoming in an old widow who marries a young husband. 

The Marchioness, far enough from yielding to the suggestions of shame at her 
own inconsistency, or the disparity of their ages, yielded herself up without 
constraint to the expression of the most lively joy. She gave a grand concert 
and supper, with a ball afterwards, and invited all the principal families in Cor- 
dova. Just before the close of the ball, the new-married couple disappeared, 
and were shewn to an apartment, where, with no other witnesses but her own 
maid and myself, she spoke to my master in these terms : — Don Manriquez, 
this is your apartment ; mine is in another part of the house : we will pass the 
night in separate rooms, and will live together by day like mother and son. 
At first the knight did not know what to make of this ; he thought that the 
lady was only trying his temper, as if her coldness must be wooed to kindness, 
and her love, like her pardon, not unsought, be won. Imagining, therefore, 



L 



334 



GIL BLAS. 



that good manners required, at least, the shew of passion, he made his advances, 
and offered, according to the laws of amorous suit enacted in such cases, to 
assist in the disencumbering duties of her toilet ; but, so far from allowing him 
to interfere with the province of her servant, she pushed him back with a seri- 
ous air, saying : Hold, Don Manriquez ; if you take me for. one of those sweet- 
toothed old women who marry a second time from mere incontinence, you do 
me a manifest injustice : my proposals were not fraught with conditions of hard 
sendee as the tenure of our nuptial contract ; the gift of my heart was unmixed 
with sensual dross, and your gratitude is only drawn upon for returns of pure 
and platonic friendship. After this explanation, she left my master and me in 
our apartment, and withdrew to her own with her attendant, forbidding the 
bridegroom, in the most positive manner, to attempt retiring with her. 

After her departure, it was some time before we recovered from our surprise 
at what we had just heard. Scipio, said my master, could you ever have be- 
lieved that the Marchioness would have talked in such a strain ? What think 
you of so philosophic a bride ? I think, sir, answered I, that she is a phenix 
among the brood of Hymen. It is for all the world like a good living without 
parochial duties. For my part, replied Don Manriquez, there is nothing so 
much to my taste as a wife of modest pretensions ; and I mean to make her 
amends for the trophy she has raised to unadulterated esteem, by all the deli- 
cate attentions in my power to pay. We kept up the subject of the lady's 
moderation till it was full time to separate. My quarters were fixed in an ante- 
room with a book-case bedstead ; my master's in an elegant bed-chamber with 
even,- appurtenance except one : but however necessary it might be to play the 
disappointed bridegroom, I am much mistaken if in the bottom of his soul he 
was half so much afraid of sleeping by himself as of being encumbered with a 
bed-fellow. 

The rejoicings began again on the following day, and the bride was so jocund 
on the occasion, that the bolts of the fools among her visitors were not soon shot. 
She was the first to laugh at all their pointless jokes ; nay, she even set the little 
wits to work, by giving them an example of pleasantry, which they were very little 
able to follow. The happy man, on his part, seemed to be very little less happy 
than his partner ; and one would have sworn, judging by the glance of satisfac- 
tion which accompanied his language and deportment, that he liked mutton bet- 
ter than lamb. This well-matched pair had a second conversation in the evening ; 
and then it was decided that without interfering in the least with one another, 
they should live together just on the same footing as they had lived before mar- 
riage. At all events, much credit must be given to Don Manriquez on one account: 
he did, from delicate consideration towards his wife, what few husbands would 
have done under his circumstances, for he discarded a little sempstress of whom 
he was very fond, and who was very fond of him, because he did not choose to 
keep up a connection insulting to the feelings of a lady so studious of his. 

While he was furnishing such unusual testimonies of gratitude to his elderly 
benefactress, she over paid and doubly paid her debt of obligation, even without 
diving into its nature or extent. She gave him the master key of her strong 
box, which was better provided than that of Velasquez. Though she had 
reduced her establishment during widowhood, it was now replaced upon the 
same footing as in the lifetime of her first husband ; the complement of house- 
hold sen-ants was enlarged, the stud and equipages were in the very first style ; 
in a word, by her generosity and kindness, the most beggarly knight belonging 
to the order of Alcantara became the most monied member of the fraternity. 
You may perhaps be disposed to ask me, how much I was in pocket by all 
that ; and my answer is, fifty pistoles from my mistress, and a hundred from my 
master, who, moreover, appointed me his secretary, with a salary of four hun- 



SCIFIOS STORY 385 



dred crowns ; nay, his confidence was so unbounded, that I was fixed on to fill 
the office of treasurer. 

Treasurer ! cried I, interrupting Scipio at the veiy idea, and bursting into an 
immoderate fit of laughter. Yes, sir, replied he, with a cool, unflinching seri- 
ousness ; you are perfectly right, treasurer was the word ; and I may venture to 
say that the duties of the office were executed without the slightest occasion for 
a committee of inquiry. True it is that the balance may be somewhat against 
me, for I was always in the habit of overdrawing my wages ; and as the firm 
was dissolved somewhat suddenly, it is by no means impossible that the balance 
of my cash account might be on the wrong side : but, at all events, it was my 
last slip ; and since that time my ways have been ways of uprightness and 
honesty. 

Thus was I, continued this son of a gipsy, secretary and treasurer to Don 
Manriquez, who, to all appearance, was as happy in me as I in him, when he 
received a letter from Toledo, announcing that his aunt, Donna Theodora Mos- 
coso, was on her last legs. He was so much affected by the news, as to set out 
instantly and pay his duty to that lady, who had been more than a mother to 
him for several years. I attended him on the journey with only two under- 
servants ; we were all mounted on the best horses in the stable, and reached 
Toledo without loss of time, where we found Donna Theodora in a state to 
.warrant our hopes that she would not, at present, weigh anchor on her outward 
bound voyage ; and, in fact, our judgment on her case, though point blank in 
contradiction to that of an old physician who attended her, proved by the event 
that we knew at least as much of the matter as he did. 

While the health of our venerable relative was improving from day to day, 
less, perhaps, from the effect of the prescriptions than in consequence of her 
dear nephew's presence, your worthy friend the treasurer passed his time in the 
pleasantest manner possible, with some young people whose acquaintance was 
admirably calculated to ventilate the confined cash in his pocket. Sometimes 
they enticed me to the tennis-court, and took me in for a game : on those oc- 
casions, not being quite so steady a player as my master, Don Abel, I lost 
much oftener than I won. By degrees play became a passion with me ; and if 
the taste had been suffered to gain complete possession, it would doubtless have 
laid me under the necessity of drawing bills of accommodation on the family 
bank ; but happily love stepped in, and saved the credit both of the bank and 
of my principles. One day, passing along near the church of the Epiphany, 
I espied through a lattice with the drapery drawn up, a young girl who might 
well be called a thing divine, for nothing natm-al was ever seen so lovely. I 
would lay on my compliment still thicker, if words were not wanting to express 
the effect of her first appearance upon my mind. I set my wits to work, and 
by dint of diligent inquiry, learned that her name was Beatrice, and that she 
was waiting-maid to Donna Julia, younger daughter of the Count de Polan. 

Beatrice broke in upon the thread of Scipio's story by laughing immoderate- 
ly : then, directing her speech to my wife, Charming Antonia, said she, do but 
just look at me, I beseech you, and then say truly, whether I could be likened 
to a thing divine. You might at that time, to my enamoured sight, said Scipio ; 
and, since your conjugal faith is no longer under a cloud, my visual appetite 
increases by what it feeds on. It was a pretty compliment ! and my secretary, 
having fired it off, pursued his narrative as follows. 

This intelligence kindled the flame of passion within me ; but not, it must be 
confessed, a flame which could be acknowledged without a blush. I took it 
for granted that my triumph over her scruples would be easy if my biddings were 
high enough to command the ordinary market of female chastity ; but Beatrice 
was a pearl beyond price. In vain did I solicit her, through the channel of 



386 GIL BLAS. 



some intriguing gossips, with the offer of my purse and of my most tender at- 
tentions ; she rejected all my proposals with disdain. I had recourse to the 
lover's last remedy, and offered her my hand, which she deigned to accept on 
the strength of my being secretary and treasurer to Don Manriquez. As it 
seemed expedient to^keep our marriage secret for some time, the ceremony was 
performed privately, in presence of Dame Lorenza Sephora, Seraphina's go- 
verness, and before some others of the Count de Polan's household. After our 
happy union, Beatrice contrived the means of our meeting by day, and passing 
some part of every night together in the garden, whither I repaired through a 
little gate of which she gave me a key. Never were man and wife better pleas- 
ed with each other than Beatrice and myself : with equal impatience did we 
watch for the hour of our appointment ; with congenial emotions of eager sen- 
sibility did we hasten to the spot, and the moments which we passed together, 
though countless from their number in the calendar of cold indifference, to us 
were few and fleeting, in comparison with that eternity of mutual bliss for which 
we panted. 

One night, a night which should be expunged from the almanac, a night of 
darkness and despair, contrasted with the brightness of all our former nights, I 
was surprised on approaching the garden, to find the little gate open. This 
unusual circumstance alarmed me ; for it seemed to augur something inauspi- 
cious to my happiness : I turned pale and trembled, as if with a foreknowledge 
of what Mas going to happen. Advancing in the dark towards a bower, where 
our private meetings had usually taken place, I heard a man's voice. I stopped 
on the instant to listen, when the following words struck like the souftd of death 
upon my ear : Do not keep me languishing in suspense, my dear Beatrice ; 
make my happiness complete, and consider that your own fortunes are closely 
connected with mine. Instead of having patience to hear further, it seemed as 
if more had been said than blood could expiate ; that devil, jealousy, took pos- 
session of my soul ; I drew my sword, and breathing only vengeance, rushed 
into the bower. Ah ! base seducer, cried I, whoever you are, you shall tear 
this heart from out my breast, rather than touch my honour on its tenderest 
point. With these words on my lips, I attacked the gentleman who was talk- 
ing with Beatrice. He stood upon his- guard without more ado, like a man 
much better acquainted with the science of arms than myself, who had only re- 
ceived a few lessons from a fencing-master at Cordova. And yet, strong as his 
sword-arm was, I made a thrust which he could not party, or what is more 
likely, his foot slipped : I saw him fall ; and fancying that I had wounded him 
mortally, ran away as hard as my legs could carry me, without deigning to an- 
swer Beatrice, who would have called me back. 

Yes, indeed ! said Scipio's wife, resolved to have her share in the develop- 
ment .of the story ; I called out for the purpose of undeceiving him. The gen- 
tleman conversing with me in the arbour was Don Ferdinand de Leyva. This 
nobleman, who was in love with my mistress Julia, had laid a plan for running 
away with her, from despair of being able to obtain her hand by any other 
means ; and I had myself made this assignation with him in the garden, to 
concert measures for the elopement, and with his fortune he assured me that my 
own was closely linked ; but it was in vain that I screamed after my husband ; 
he darted from me as if my very touch were contamination. 

In such a state of mind, resumed Scipio, I was capable of anything. Those 
who know by experience what jealousy is, into what extravagance it drives the 
best-regulated spirits, will be at no loss to conceive the disorder it must have 
produced in my weak brain. I passed in a moment from one extreme to an- 
other : emotions of hatred succeeded instantaneously to all my former sentiments 
of affection for my wife. I took an oath never to see her more, and to banish 



SCIPICPS STORY. 387 



her for ever from my memory. Besides, the supposed death of a man lay upon 
my conscience ; and under that idea, I was afraid of falling into the hands of 
justice ; so that every torment which could be accumulated on the head of guilt 
and misery by the fury of despair and the demon of remorse, was the remediless 
companion of my wretched flight. In this dreadful situation, thinking only of 
my escape, I returned home no more, but immediately quitted Toledo, with no 
other provision for my journey but the clothes on my back. It is true, I had 
about sixty pistoles in my pocket ; a tolerable supply for a young man, whose 
views in life pointed no higher than a good service. 

I walked forward all night, or rather ran, for the phantom of an alguazil al- 
ways dogging me at the heels made me perform wonders of pedestrian activity. 
The dawn overtook me between Rodillas and Maqueda. When I was at the 
latter town, finding myself a little weary, I went into the church which was just 
opened, and having put up a short prayer, sat down on a bench to rest. I be- 
gan musing on the state of my affairs, which were sufficiently out at elbows to 
require all my skill in patch-work, but the time for reflection as well as for re- 
pentance were cut short. The church echoed on a sudden with three or four 
smacks of a whip, which made me conclude that some carrier was on the road. 
I immediately got up to go and see whether I was right or wrong. At the door 
I found a man, mounted on a mule, leading two others by the halter. Stop, 
my friend, said I, whither are those two mules going ? To Madrid, answered 
he. I came hither with two good Dominicans, and am now setting out on my 
return. 

Such an 'opportunity of going to Madrid gave me an itching desire for the 
expedition : I made my bargain with the muleteer, jumped upon one of his 
mules, and away we scampered towards Illescas, where we were to put up for 
the night. Scarcely were we out of Maqueda before the muleteer, a man 
from five-and-thirty to forty, began chanting the church service with a most 
collegiate twang. This trial of his lungs began with matins, in the drowsy 
tone of a canon between asleep and awake; then he roared out the Belief, 
alternately in contralto, tenor, and bass, in all the harmonious confusion of 
high mass ; and not content with that, he rang the bell for vespers, without 
sparing me a single petition or so much as a bar of the magnificat. Though 
the scoundrel almost cracked the drum -of my ear, I could not help laughing 
heartily; and even egged him on to make the welkin reverberate with his 
hallelujahs, when the anthem was suspended a few rests, for the necessary 
purpose of supplying wind to the organ. Courage, my friend ! said I ; go on 
and prosper. If heaven has given you a good capacious throat, you are neither 
a niggard nor a perverter of its precious boon. Oh ! certainly not for the 
matter of that, cried he ; happily for my immortal soul, I am not like carriers 
in general, who sing nothing but profane songs about love or drinking : I do 
not even defile my lips with ballads on our wars against the Moors : such sub- 
jects are at least light and unedifying, if not licentious and impure. You have, 
replied I, an evangelical purity of heart which belongs only to the elect among 
muleteers. With this excessive squeamishness of yours about the choice of 
your music, have you also taken a vow of continence, wherever there is a 
young bar-maid to be picked up at an inn? Assuredly, rejoined he, chastity 
is also a virtue by which it is my pride to ward off the temptations of the road, 
where my only business is to look after my mules. I was in no small degree 
astonished at such pious sentiments from this prodigy of psalm-singing mule- 
drivers ; so that looking upon him as a man above the vanities and corruptions 
of this nether world, I fell into chat with him after he had gone the length of 
his tether in singing. 

We got to Illescas late in the day. On entering the inn-yard, I left the 



388 GIL BIAS. 



care of the mules to rny companion, and went into the kitchen, where I 
ordered the landlord to get us a good supper, which he promised to perform 
so much to my satisfaction, as to make me remember all the days of my life 
what usage travellers meet with at his house. As, added he, now only ask 
your carrier what sort of a man I am. By all the powers of seasoning! I 
would defy the best cook in Madrid or Toledo to make an olio at all to be 
compared to mine. I shall treat you this evening with some stewed rabbit 
after a receipt of my own ; you will then see whether it is any boast to say that 
I know how to send up a supper. Thereupon, shewing me a stewpan with a 
young rabbit, as he said, cut up into pieces : There, continued he, is what I 
mean to favour you with. When I shall have thrown in a little pepper, some 
salt, wine, a handful of sweet herbs, and a few other ingredients which I keep 
for my own sauces, you may depend on sitting down to such a dish as would 
not disgrace the table of a chancellor or an archbishop. 

The landlord, having thus done justice to his own merits, began to work 
upon the materials he had prepared. While he was labouring in his vocation, 
I went into a room, where lying down on a sort of couch, I fell fast asleep 
through fatigue, having taken no rest the night before. In the space of about 
two hours, the muleteer came and awakened me, with the information that 
supper was ready, and a pressing request to take my place at table. The cloth 
was laid for two, and we sat down to the hashed rabbit. I played my knife 
and fork most manfully, finding the flavour delicious, whether from the force of 
hunger in communicating a candid mode of interpretation to my palate, or 
from the natural effect of the ingredients compounded by the cook. A joint 
of roast mutton was next served up. Tt was remarkable that the carrier only 
paid his respects to this last article ; and I asked him why he had not taken his 
share of the other. He answered with a suppressed smile, that he was not 
fond of made dishes. This reason, or rather the turn of countenance with 
which it was alleged, seemed to imply more than was expressed. You have 
not told me, said I, the real meaning of your not eating the fricassee : do have 
the goodness to explain it at once. Since you are so curious to be made 
acquainted with it, replied he, I must own that I have an insuperable aversion 
to cramming my stomach with meats in masquerade, since one evening at an 
inn on the road between Toledo and Cuenca, they served me up, instead of a 
wild rabbit, a hash of tame cat ; enough, of all conscience, ever after to set my 
intestines in battle-array against all minces, stews, and force-meats. 

No sooner had the muleteer let me into this secret, than in spite of the 
hunger which raged within me, my appetite left me completely in the lurch. I 
conceived, in all the horrors of extreme loathing, that I had been eating a cat 
dressed up as the double of a rabbit; and the fricassee had no longer any 
power over my senses, except by producing a strong inclination to retch. My 
companion did not lessen my tendency that way, by telling me that the inn- 
keepers in Spain, as well as the pastry-cooks, were very much in the habit of 
making that substitution. The drift of the conversation was, as you may perceive, 
very much in the nature of a lenitive to my stomach ; so much so, that I had no 
mind to meddle any more with the dish of undefinables, nor even to make an 
attack upon the roast meat, for fear the mutton should have performed its duty 
by deputy as well as the rabbit. I jumped up from table, cursing the cookery, 
the cook, and the whole establishment ; then, throwing myself down upon the 
sofa, I passed the night with less nausea than might reasonably have been ex- 
pected. The day following with the dawn, after having paid the reckoning 
with as princely an air as if we had been treated like princes, away went I from 
Illescas, bearing my faculties so strongly impregnated with fricassee, that I took 
every animal which crossed the road, of whatever species or dimensions, for a cat. 



SCIPICPS STORY. 389 



We got to Madrid betimes, where I had no sooner settled with my carrier 
than I hired a ready-furnished lodging near the Sun-gate. >My eyes, though 
accustomed to the great world, were nevertheless dazzled by the concourse of 
nobility which was ordinarily seen in the quarter of the court. I admired the 
prodigious number of carriages, and the countless list of gentlemen, pages, gentle- 
men's gentlemen, and plain, downright footmen in the train of the grandees. 
My admiration exceeded all bounds, on going to the king's levee, and behold- 
ing the monarch in the midst of his court. The effect of the scene was en- 
chanting, and I said to myself, It is no wonder they should say that one must 
see the court of Madrid to form an adequate idea of its magnificence : I am 
delighted to have directed my course hither, and feel a sort of prescience within 
me that I shall not come away without taking fortune by surprise. I caught 
nothing napping, however, but my own prudence, in making some thriftless, 
expensive acquaintance. My money oozed away in the rapid thaw of my pro- 
priety and better judgment, so that it became a measure of expedient degrada- 
tion to throw away my transcendant merit on a pedagogue of Salamanca, whom 
some family lawsuit or other concern had brought to Madrid, where he was 
born, and where chance, more whimsical than wise, thrust me within the 
horizon of his knowledge. I became his right hand, his prime principal 
agent ; and dogged him at the heels to the university when he returned 
thither. 

My new employer went by the name of Don Ignacio de Ipigna. He furn- 
ished himself with the handle of don, inasmuch as he had been tutor to a 
nobleman of the first rank, who had recompensed his early services with an 
annuity for life : he likewise derived a snug little salary from his professorship 
in the university ; and in addition to all this, laid the public under a yearly 
contribution of two or three hundred pistoles for books of uninstructive morality, 
which he protruded from the press periodically by weight and measure. The 
manner in which he worked up the shreds and patches of his composition de- 
serves a notice somewhat more than cursory. The heavy hours of the forenoon 
were spent in muzzing over Hebrew, Greek, and Latin authors, and in writing 
down upon little squares of card every pithy sentence or striking thought 
which occurred in the morning's reading. According to the progress of this 
literary Pam, in winning tricks from the ancients, he employed me to score up 
his honours in the form of an Apollo's wreath: these metaphysical garlands 
were strung upon wire, and each garland made a pocket volume. What an 
execrable hash of wholesome viands did we cook up ! The commandments 
set at loggerheads with an utter confusion of tables ; Epicurean conclusions 
grafted on stoical premises! Tully quoting Epictetus, and Seneca supporting 
his antitheses on the authority of monkish rhyme ! Scarcely a month elapsed 
without our putting forth at least two volumes, so that the press was kept con- 
tinually groaning under the weight of our transgressions. What seemed most 
extraordinary of all, was that these literary larcenies were palmed upon the 
purchasers for spick and span new wares, and if, by any strange and impro- 
bable chance, a thick-headed critic should stumble with his noddle smack 
against some palpable plagiarism, the author would plead guilty to the indict- 
ment, and make a merit of serving up at second-hand 

What Gellius or Stobaeus hash'd before, 

Though chewed by blind old scholiasts o'er and o'er. 

He was also a great commentator ; and filled his notes chuck full of so much 
erudition, as to multiply whole pages of discussion upon what homely com- 
mon-sense would have consigned to the brief alternative of a query : 



39Q GIL BLAS. 



Disputes of Me or Te, or Aut at At, 
To sound or sink in cano O or A, 
Or give up Cicero to C or K. 

As almost every author, ethical and didactic, from Hesiod down to himself, 
took his turn to dangle on some one or other of our manuscript garlands, it 
was impossible for me not to suck in somewhat of sage nurture from so copious 
a stream of philosophy : it would be rank ingratitude to shift off my obligation. 
My hand-writing also became strictly and decidedly legible, by dint of con- 
tinual transcription ; my estate was more that of a pupil than of a servant, and 
my morals were not neglected, while my mind was polished, and my faculties 
raised above their former level. Scipio, he used to say, when he chanced to 
hear of any serving lad with more cunning than honesty in his dealings, beware, 
my good boy, how you take after the evil example of that graceless villain. 
"The honour of a servant is his fidelity ; his highest virtues are submission and 
obedience. Be studious of thy master's interests, be diligent in his affairs, and 
faithful to the trust which he reposeth in thee. Thy time and thy labour belong 
unto him. Defraud him not thereof, for he payeth thee for them." To sum 
up all, Don Ignacio lost no opportunity of leading me on in the path of virtue, 
and his prudent counsels sank so deep into my heart, as to keep under any- 
thing like even the slightest wish of playing him a rogue's trick during the 
fifteen months which I spent in his service. 

I have already mentioned that Doctor de fpigna was a native of Madrid. 
He had a relation there, by name Catalina, waiting-maid to the lady who of- 
ficiated as nurse to the heir-apparent. This abigail, the same through whose 
intervention I got Signor de Santillane released from the tower of Segovia, in- 
tent on rendering a service to Don Ignacio, prevailed with her mistress to pe- 
tition the Duke of Lerma for some preferment. The minister named him for 
the archdeaconry of Grenada, which, as a conquered country, is in the king's 
gift. We repaired immediately to Madrid on receiving the intelligence, as the 
doctor wished to thank his patronesses before he took possession of his benefice. 
I had more than one opportunity of seeing Catalina, and conversing with her. 
The cheerful turn of my temper and a certain easy air of good company were 
altogether to her taste ; for my part, I found her so much to my liking, that I 
could not help saying yes to the little advances of partiality which she made in 
my favour : in short, we got to feel very kindly towards each other. You must 
not write a comment with your nails, my dear Beatrice, on this episode in the 
romance of my amours, because I was firmly persuaded of your inconstancy, 
and you will allow that heresy, though impious, being also blind, my penance 
may reasonably be remitted on sincere conversion. 

In the mean time Doctor Ignacio was making ready to set out for Grenada. 
His relation and myself, out of our wits at the impending separation, had re- 
course to an expedient which rescued us from its horrors : I shammed illness, 
complained of my head, complained of my chest, and made a characteristic wry 
face for every pain and ache in the catalogue of human infirmities. My master 
called in a physician, who told me with a grave face, after putting his questions 
in the usual course, that my complaint was of a much more serious nature than 
might appear to unprofessional observation, and that, according to all present 
likelihood, I should keep my chamber a long time. The doctor, impatient to 
take possession of his preferment, did not think it quite so well to delay his de- 
parture, but chose rather to hire another boy ; he therefore contented himself 
with handing me over to the care of a nurse, with whom he left a sum of money 
to bury me if I should die, or to remunerate me for my services if I should re- 



SCIPIO'S STORY. 391 



As soon as I knew Don Ignacio to be safe on the road for Grenada, I was 
cured of all my maladies. I got up, made my final bow to the physician who 
had evinced so thorough a knowledge of my case, and fairly turned my nurse 
out of doors, who made her retreat good with baggage and ammunition, to the 
amount of more than half the sum for which she ought to have accounted with 
me. While I was enacting the sick man, Catalina was playing another part 
about the person of her mistress, Donna Anna de Guevra, into whose concep- 
tion having by dint of many a wordy process inserted the notion, that I was the 
man of all others ready cut and dry for an intrigue, she induced her to choose 
me for one of her agents. The royal and most catholic nurse, whose genius for 
great undertakings was either produced or exasperated by the love of great 
possessions, having occasion for suitable ministers, received me among her 
hangers-on, and lost no opportunity of ascertaining how far I was for her purpose. 
She confided some commissions to my care, which, vanity apart, called for no 
little address, and what they called for was ready at hand : accordingly, she 
gave me all possible credit for the diligent execution of my office, while my dis- 
content swelled high against her for fobbing me off with the cold recompense of 
approbation. The good lady was so abominably avaricious, as not to give me 
a working partner's share in the profits of my industry, nor to allow for the 
wear and tear of my conscience. She seemed inclined to consider, that by 
paying me my wages, all the requisitions of Christian charity were made good 
between us. This excess of illiberal economy would soon have parted us, had 
it not been for the fascination of Catalina's gentle virtues, who became more 
desperately in love with me from day to day, and completed the paroxysm by a 
formal proposal of marriage. 

Fair and softly, my pretty friend, said I : we must look before we leap into 
that bottomless gulf : the first point to be settled is to ascertain the death of a 
young woman, who obtained the refusal before you, and made me supremely 
happy, for no other purpose but to anticipate the purgatory of an intermediate 
state in the present. All a mere sham, a put off! answered Catalina : you 
swear you are married only by way of throwing a genteel veil over your abhor- 
rence of my person and manners. In vain did I call all the powers to witness, 
that what I said was solemnly true : my sincere avowal was considered as a 
mere copy of my countenance ; the lady was grievously offended, and changed 
her whole behaviour in regard to me. There was no downright quarrel ; but 
our tender intercourse became visibly more rigid and unaccommodating, so that 
nothing further took place between us but cold formality and common-place 
attentions. 

Just at the nick of time, I heard that Signor Gil Bias de Santillane, secretary 
to the prime minister of the Spanish monarchy, wanted a servant ; and the situa- 
tion was the more flattering, as it bore the bell among' all the vacancies of the 
court register office. Signor de Santillane, they told me, was one of the first 
men, high in favour with the Duke of Lex-ma, and consequently in the direct 
road to fortune : his heart, too, was cast in the mould of generosity : by doing 
his business, you most assuredly did your own. The opportunity was too good 
to be neglected :- 1 went and offered myself to Signor Gil Bias, to whom I felt 
my heart grow from the first ; for my sentiments were fixed by the turn of his 
physiognomy. There could be no question about leaving the royal and most 
catholic nurse for him ; and it is to be hoped, I shall never have any other master. 

Here ended Scipio's story. But he continued speaking, and addressed him- 
self to me. Signor de Santillane, do me the favour to assure those ladies that 
you have always known me for a faithful and zealous servant. Your testimony 
will stand me in good stead, and vouch for a sincere reformation in the son of 
Coselina. 



392 GIL BLAS. 



Yes, ladies, said I, it is even so. Though Scipio in his childhood was a very 
scape-grace, he has been born anew, and is now the exact model of a trusty 
domestic. Far from having any complaints to make against him, my debt is 
infinite. On the fatal night when I was carried off to the tower of Segovia, he 
saved my effects from pillage, and refunded what he might have taken to him- 
self with impunity : not contented with rescuing my worldly pelf, he came out 
of pure friendship and shut himself up with me in my prison, preferring the 
melancholy sympathies of adverse fortune to all the charms of lusty, buoyant 
liberty. 



BOOK THE ELEVENTH. 

Ch. I. — Containing the subject of the greatest joy that Gil Bias ever felt, followed 
up, as our greatest pleasures too generally are, by the most melancholy event of 
his life. Great changes at court, producing, among other important revolutions, 
the return of Santillane. 

I HAVE observed already that Antonia and Beatrice understood one another 
perfectly well ; the latter falling meekly and modestly into the trammels of an 
humble attendant on her lady, and the former taking very kindly to the rank of 
a mistress and superior. Scipio and myself were husbands too rich in nature's 
gifts and in the affections of our spouses, not very soon to have the satisfaction 
of becoming fathers : our lasses were as women wish to be who love their lords, 
almost at the same moment. Beatrice's time was up first : she was safely de- 
livered of a daughter ; and in a few days afterwards Antonia completed the 
general joy, by presenting me with a son. I sent my secretary to Valencia with 
the welcome tidings : the governor came to Lirias with Seraphina and the Mar- 
chioness de Pliego, to be present at the baptismal ceremony ; for he made it his 
pleasure to add this testimony of affection to all his former kindnesses. As 
that nobleman stood godfather, and the Marchioness godmother to my son, he 
was named Alphonso ; and the governor's lady, wishing to draw the bonds of 
sponsorship still closer in this friendly party, stood for Scipio's daughter, to 
whom we gave the name of Seraphina. 

The rejoicings at the birth of my son were not confined to the mansion-house; 
the villagers of Lirias celebrated the event by festivities, which were meant as a 
grateful token, to prove how much the little neighbourhood partook in all the 
satisfactions of their landlord. But, alas ! our carousals were of short continu- 
ance; or, to speak more suitably to the subject, they were turned into weeping, 
wailing, and lamentation, by a catastrophe which more than twenty years have 
not been sufficient to blot from my memory, nor will future time, however dis- 
tant, make me think of it but with the bitterest retrospect. My son died ; and 
his mother, though perfectly recovered from her confinement, very soon followed 
him : a violent fever carried off my dear wife, after Ave had been married four- 
teen months. Let the reader conceive, if he is equal to the task, the grief with 
which I was overwhelmed : I fell into a stupid insensibility ; and felt my loss 
so severely, as to seem not to feel it at all. I remained in this condition for five 
or six days, in an obstinate determination to take no nourishment ; and I verily 
believe that, had it not been for Scipio, I should either have starved myself, or 
my heart would have burst ; but my secretary, well knowing how to accom- 
modate himself to the turnings and windings of the human heart, contrived to 
cheat my sorrows by falling in with their tone and tenor : he was artful enough 



GIL BLAS OVERWHELMED WITH AFFLICTION. 393 

to reconcile me to the duty of taking food, by serving up soups and lighter fare 
with so disconsolate an arrangement of features that it looked as if he urged me 
to the revolting employment, not so much to preserve my life, as to perpetuate 
and render immortal my affliction. 

This affectionate servant wrote to Don Alphonso, to let him know of the 
misfortune which had happened to me, and my lamentable condition in con- 
sequence. That tender-hearted and compassionate nobleman, that generous 
friend, very soon repaired to Lirias. I cannot recall the moment when he first 
presented himself to my view without even now being sensibly affected. My 
dear Santillane, said he, embracing me, I am not come to offer you impertinent 
consolation ; but to weep over Antonia with you, as you would have wept with 
me over Seraphina, had the hand of death snatched her from me. In good 
truth, his tears bore testimony to his sincerity, and his sighs were blended with 
mine in the most friendly sympathy. Though overwhelmed with my affliction, 
I felt in the most lively manner the kindness of Don Alphonso. 

The governor had a long conversation with Scipio respecting the measures to 
be taken for overcoming my despair. They judged it best to remove me for 
some time from Lirias, where every object incessantly brought back to my mind 
the image of Antonia. On this account the son of Don Caesar proposed carry- 
ing me back with him to Valencia ; and my secretary seconded the plan with 
so many unanswerable arguments, that I made no further opposition. I left 
Scipio and his wife on my estate, where my longer stay could have produced no 
other effect but that of aggravating and enhancing all my sorrows, and took my 
own departure with the governor. On my arrival at Valencia, Don Caesar and 
his daughter-in-law spared no exertions to divert my sorrows from perpetual 
brooding ; they plied me alternately with every sort of amusement, the most 
proper to turn the current of my thoughts to passing objects ; but, in spite of 
all their pains, I remained plunged in melancholy, whence they were incom- 
petent to draw me out. Nor was it for want of Scipio' s kind attentions that 
my peace of mind was still so hopeless : he was continually going back and fore 
between Lirias and Valencia to inquire after me ; and his journey home was 
cheerful or gloomy, in proportion as he found more or less disposition in me to 
listen to the words of comfort, and to reward the affectionate solicitude of my 
friends. 

He came one morning into my room. Sir, said he, with a great deal of 
agitation in his manner, a report is current about town, in which the whole 
monarchy is deeply interested : it is said that Philip the Third has departed 
this life, and that the prince, his son, is actually seated on the throne. To this 
it is added, that the cardinal Duke of Lerma has lost the premiership, that he is 
even forbidden to appear at court, and that Don Gaspard de Guzman, Count 
of Olivarez, is actually at the head of the administration. I felt a little agitated 
by this sudden change, without knowing why. Scipio caught at this manifest- 
ation, and asked whether the veering of the wind in the political horizon might 
not blow me some good. How is that possible ? What good can it blow me, 
my worthy friend ? answered I. The court and I have shaken hands once for 
all : the revolutions which may take place there are all alike indifferent to me. 
For a man at your time of life, replied that cunning son of a diviner, you are 
uncommonly mortified to all the uses of this world. Under your circumstances 
my curiosity would be all alive ; I should go to Madrid and show my face to 
the young monarch, just to see whether he would recollect it, merely for the 
amusement of the thing. I understand you, said I ; you would have me return 
to court and try my fortune again, or rather you would plunge me back into the 
gulf of avarice and ambition. Why should such baleful passions any more take 
possession of your breast ? rejoined Scipio. Do not so much play the calum- 



394 GIL BLAS. 



niator on your own virtue. I will answer for your firmness to yourself. 
The sound moral reflections which your disgrace has occasioned you to make on 
the vanities of a court life, are a sufficient security against all the dangers to be 
feared from that quarter. Embark boldly once again upon an ocean where you 
are acquainted with every shoal and rock in the dangerous navigation. Hold 
your tongue, you flatterer, said I, with a smile of no very positive discourage- 
ment ; are you weary of seeing me lead a retired and tranquil life ? I thought 
my repose had been more dear to you. 

Just at this period of our conversation, Don Caesar and his son came in. 
They confirmed the news of the king's death, as well as the Duke of Lerma's 
misfortune. It appeared, moreover, that this minister, having requested per- 
mission to retire to Rome, had not been able to obtain it, but was ordered to 
confine himself to his marquisate at Denia. On this, as if they had been in 
league with my secretary, they advised me to go to Madrid and offer my con- 
gratulations to the new king, as one of his former acquaintances, with the merit 
of having rendered him even such services, as the great are apt to reward more 
willingly than some which are performed with cleaner hands. For my part, 
said Don Alphonso, I have no doubt but they will be liberally acknowledged : 
Philip the Fourth is bound in honour to pay the Prince of Spain's debts. I 
consider the affair just in the same light as you do, said Don Caesar ; and San- 
tillane's visit to court will doubtless prove the occasion of his arriving at the 
very first employments. 

In good truth, my noble friends, exclaimed I, you do not consider what you 
are talking about. It should seem, were one to give ear to the soothing words 
of you both, as if I had nothing to do but to shew my face at Madrid, and re- 
ceive the key of office, or some foreign government for my pains ; but you are 
egregiously mistaken. I am, on the contrary, well persuaded that the king 
would pass me over as a stranger, were I to throw myself in his way. I will 
make the experiment if you wish it, merely for the sake of undeceiving you. 
The lords of Leyva took me at my word, so that I could not help promising 
them to set out without loss of time for Madrid. No sooner did my secretary 
perceive my mind fully made up to the prosecution of this journey, than his 
ecstacies were wound up to the highest pitch : he was satisfied within himself 
that if I did but present my excellent person before the new monarch, he would 
immediately single me out from the crowd of political candidates, and weigh 
me down under a load of dignities and emoluments. On the strength of these 
conjectures, puffing himself out and amusing his fancy with the most splendid 
extravagances of device, he raised me up to the first offices of the state, and 
pushed forward his own preferment in the path of my exaltation. 

I therefore made my arrangements for returning to court, without the most 
distant intention of again sacrificing at the shrine of fortune, but merely to con- 
vince Don Caesar and his son of their error, in imagining that I was at all likely 
to ingratiate myself with the sovereign. It is true that there was some little 
lurking vanity at the bottom of all my philosophy, sprouting up in the shape of 
a desire to ascertain whether my royal master would throw away a thought on 
me, now in the spring time of his new and blushing honours. Led out of that 
course solely by that tempter, curiosity, without a dream of hope, or any prac- 
tical contrivance for turning the new reign to my own individual advantage, I 
set out for Madrid with Scipio, consigning the management of my household to 
Beatrice, who was well skilled in all the arts of domestic economy. 



GIL BLAS PRESENTS HIMSELF TO THE NEW KING. 395 



Ch. II. — Gil Bias arrives in Madrid, and makes his appearance at court: the 
king is blessed with a belter memory than most of his courtiers, and reco??imends 
him to the notice of his prime minister. Consequences of that recommendation. 

We got to Madrid in less than eight days, Don Alphonso having given us two 
of his best horses, that we might lose no time on the road. We alighted at a 
ready-furnished lodging, where I had lived formerly, kept by Vincent Ferrero, 
my old landlord, who was uncommonly glad to see me again. 

As this man prided himself on being in the secret of whatever was going for- 
ward either in court or city, I asked him after the best news. There is plenty 
of it, whether best or worst, answered he. Since the death of Philip the Third, 
the friends and partisans of the Cardinal Duke of Lerma have been moving 
heaven and earth to support his Eminence on the pinnacle of ministerial 
authority, but their efforts have been ineffectual : the Count of Olivarez has 
carried the day, in spite of all their industry. It is alleged that Spain will be 
no loser by the exchange, and that the present premier is possessed of a genius 
so extensive, a mind so capacious, that he would be competent to wield the 
machine of universal government. New brooms, they say, sweep clean ! But, 
at all events, you may take this for certain, that the public is fully impressed 
with a very favourable opinion of his capacity : we shall see by and by whether 
the Duke of Lerma's situation is well or ill filled up. Ferrero, having got his 
tongue into the right train for wagging, gave me all the particulars of all the 
changes which had taken place at court since the Count of Olivarez had taken 
his seat at the helm of the state vessel. 

Two days after my arrival at Madrid, I repaired to the royal palace after my 
dinner, and threw myself in the king's way as he was crossing the lobby to his 
closet ; but his notice was not at all attracted by my appearance. Next day, 
I returned to the same place, but with no better success. On the third day he 
looked me full in the face as he passed by, but the stare was perfectly vacant, 
as far as my interest or my vanity was concerned. This being the case, I re- 
solved in my own mind what was proper to be done : You see, said I to Scipio, 
who accompanied me, that the king is grown out of my recollection ; or if his 
memory is not become more frail with the elevation of his circumstances, he 
has some private reasons for not choosing to renew the acquaintance. I think 
we cannot do better than make our -way back as fast as possible for Valencia. 
Let us not be in too great a hurry for that, sir, answered my secretary : you 
know better than myself, having served a long apprenticeship, that there is no 
getting on at court without patience and perseverance. Be indefatigable in ex- 
hibiting your person to the prince's regards : by dint of forcing yourself on his 
observation, you will oblige him to ask himself the question who this assiduous 
frequenter of his haunts can possibly be, when memory must come to his aid, 
and trace the features of his cheapener in the purchase of the lovely Catalina's 
good graces. 

That Scipio might have nothing to reproach me with, I so far lent myself to 
his wishes as to continue the same proceeding for the space of three weeks ; 
when at length it happened one day that the monarch, noticing the frequency 
of my appearance, sent for me into his presence. I went into the closet, not 
without some perturbation of mind at the idea of a private interview with my 
sovereign. Who are you ? said he : your features are not altogether strange to 
me. Where have I seen you ? Please your majesty, answered I trembling, I 
had the honour of escorting you one night with the Count of Lemos to the 

house of Ah ! I recollect it perfectly, cried the prince, as if a sudden 

light had broke in upon him : you were the Duke of Lerma's secretary ; and if 



396 GIL BLAS. 



I am not mistaken, your name is Santillane. I have not forgotten that on the 
occasion alluded to you served me with a most commendable zeal, but received 
a left-handed recompense for your exertions. Did you not get into prison at 
the conclusion of the adventure ? Yes, please your majesty, replied I : my 
confinement in the tower of Segovia lasted six months ; but your goodness was 
exercised in procuring my release. That, replied he, does not cancel my debt 
to my faithful servant Santillane : it is not enough to have restored him to 
liberty, for I ought to make him ample amends for the evils which he has 
suffered on the score of his alacrity in my concerns. 

Just as the prince was uttering these words, the Count of Olivarez came into 
the closet. The nerves of favourites are shaken by every breath, their irrita- 
bility excited by every trifle : he was as much astonished as any favourite need be 
at the sight of a stranger in that place, and the king redoubled his wondering 
propensities by the following recommendation — Count, I consign this young 
man to your care, employ him, and let me find that you provide for his advance- 
ment. The minister affected to receive this order with the most gracious ac- 
quiescence, but looked me over from head to foot, with a glance from the 
corner of his eye, and was on tenter-hooks to find out who had been so strangely 
saddled upon him. Go, my friend, added the sovereign, addressing himself to 
me, and waving his hand for me to withdraw ; the count will not fail to avail 
himself of your services in a manner the most conducive to the interests of my 
government, and the establishment of your own fortunes. 

I immediately went .out of the closet and made the best of my way to the son 
of Coselina, who, being overrun with impatience to inquire what the king had 
been talking about, fumbled at his fingers' ends, and was all over in an agita- 
tion. His first question was, whether we were to return to Valencia or become 
a part of the court. You shall form your own conclusions, answered I ; at the 
same time delighting him with an account word for word of the little conversa- 
tion I had just held with the monarch. My dear master, said Scipio at once 
in the excess of his joy, will you take me for your almanac-maker another 
time ? You must acknowledge that we were not in the wrong ! the lords of 
Leyva and myself have our eye-teeth about us ! a journey to Madrid was the 
only measure to be adopted in such a case. Already I anticipate your appoint- 
ment to an eminent post : you will turn out to be some time or other a Cal- 
derona to the Count of Olivarez. That is by no means the object of my ambi- 
tion, observed I in return ; the employment is placed on too rugged an eminence 
to excite any longings in my mind. I could wish for a good situation where 
there could be no inducement to do Avhat might go against my conscience, and 
where- the favours of my prince are not likely to be bartered away for filthy lucre. 
Having experienced my own unfitness for the possession of patronage, I cannot 
be sufficiently on my guard against the inroads of avarice and ambition. Never 
think about that, sir ! replied my secretary, the minister will give you some 
handsome appointment, which you may fill without any impeachment of your 
integrity or independence. 

Induced more by Scipio's importunity than my own curiosity, I repaired the 
following day before sunrise to the residence of the Count d'Olivarez, having 
been informed that every morning, whether in summer or winter, he gave au- 
dience by candlelight to all comers. I ensconced myself modestly in a corner 
of the saloon, and from my lurking-place took especial notice of the count when 
he made his appearance ; for I had marked his person but cursorily in the king's 
closet. He was above the middle stature, and might pass for fat in a country 
where it is a rarity to see any but lean subjects. His shoulders were so high, 
as to look exactly as if he was hump-backed, but appearances were slanderous ; 
for his blade-bones, though inelegant, were a pair ; his head, which was large 



GIL BLAS SLIGHTED BY OLIVAREZ. 397 

enough to be capacious, dropped down upon his chest by the unwieldiness of 
its own weight ; his hair was black and unconscious of a curl, his face lengthen- 
ed, his complexion olive-coloured, his mouth retiring inwards, with the sharp- 
pointed, turn-up chin of a pantaloon. 

This whole arrangement of structure and symmetry did not exactly make up 
the complete model of a nobleman according to the ideas of ancient art ; never- 
theless, as I believed him to be in a temper of mind favourable to the gratifica- 
tion of my wishes, I looked at his defects with an indulgent eye, and found him 
a man very much to my satisfaction. One of the best points about him was, 
that he received the public at large with the utmost affability and compla- 
cency, holding out his hand for petitions with as much good humour as if he 
were the person to be obliged, and this was a sufficient set-off against anything 
untoward in the expression of his countenance. In the mean time, when in my 
turn I came forward to pay my respects and make myself known to him, he 
darted at me a glance of rude dislike and frightful menace ; then turning his 
back, without condescending to give me audience, retired into his closet. Then 
it was that the ugliness of this nobleman's features appeared in all the extrava- 
gance of caricature : so that I made the best of my way out of the saloon, 
thunder-struck at so savage a reception, and quite at a loss how to conjecture 
what might be the consequence. 

Having got back to Scipio, who was waiting for me at the door — Can you 
guess at all, said I, what sort of a greeting mine was ? No, answered he, not 
as to the minute particulars ; but with respect to the substance, easily enough : 
the minister, ready upon all occasions to fall in with the fancies of his royal mas- 
ter, must of course have made you a handsome offer of an ostensible and lucra- 
tive situation. That is all you know about the matter, replied I ; and then went 
on to acquaint him circumstantially with all that passed. He listened to me 
with serious attention, and then said — The count could not have recollected 
your person ; or rather, he must have been deceived by a fortuitous resemblance 
between you and some impertinent suitor. I would advise you to try another 
interview ; I will lay a wager he will look on you more kindly. I adopted my 
secretary's suggestion, and stood for a second time in the presence of the minis- 
ter ; but he, behaving to me still worse than at first, puckered up his features 
the moment my unlucky countenance came within his ken, just as if it was con- 
nected with some lodged hate and certain loathing, which of force swayed him 
to offend, himself being offended ; after this significant demonstration, he turned 
away his glaring eyeballs, and withdrew without uttering a word. 

I was stung to the quick by so hostile a treatment, and in a humour to set 
out immediately on my return to Valencia ; but to that project Scipio uniformly 
opposed his steady objections, not knowing how for the life of him to part with 
those flattering hopes which fancy had engendered in his brain. Do you not 
see plainly, said I, that the count wishes to drive me away from court ? The 
monarch has testified in his presence some sort of favourable intention towards 
me, and is not that enough to draw down upon me the thorough hatred of the 
monarch's favourite ? Let us drive before the wind, my good comrade ; let us 
make up our minds to put quietly into port, and leave the open sea and the 
honours of the flag in the possession of an enemy with whom we are too feeble 
to contend. Sir, answered he, in high resentment against the Count of Olivarez, 
I would not strike so easily. I would go and complain to the king of the con- 
tempt in which his minister held his recommendation. Bad advice, indeed, my 
friend, said I ; to take so imprudent a step as that, would soon bring bitter re- 
pentance in the train of its consequences. I do not even know whether it is 
safe for me to remain any longer in this town. 

At this hint, my secretary communed a little with his own thoughts ; and, 



398 GIL BLAS. 



considering that in point of fact we had to do with a man who kept the key of 
the tower of Segovia in his pocket, my fears became naturalized in his breast. 
He no longer opposed my earnest desire of leaving Madrid, and I determined 
to take my measures accordingly on the very next day. 

Ch. III. — The project of retirement is prevented, and Joseph Navarro brought 
upon the stage again, by an act of signal service. 

On my way home to my lodgings I met Joseph Navarro, whom the reader will 
recollect as on the establishment of Don Balthasar de Zuniga, and one of my 
old friends. I made my bow first at a distance, then went up to him, and asked 
whether he knew me again, and if he would still be so good as to speak to a 
wretch who had repaid his friendship with ingratitude. You acknowledge then, 
said he, that you have not behaved very handsomely by me ? Yes, answered I; 
and you are fully justified in laying on your reproaches thick and threefold : I 
deserve them all, unless indeed my guilt may be thought to have been atoned 
by the remorse of conscience attendant on it. Since you have repented of your 
misconduct, replied Navarro, embracing me, I ought no longer to hold it in 
remembrance. For my part, I knew not how to hug Joseph close enough in 
my arms ; and we both of us resumed our original kind feelings towards one 
another. 

He had heard of my imprisonment and the derangement of my affairs ; but 
of what followed he was totally ignorant. I informed him of it ; relating word 
for word my conversation with the king, without suppressing the minister's late 
ungracious reception of me, any more than my present purpose of retiring into 
my favourite obscurity. Beware of removing from the scene of action, said he : 
since the sovereign has shown a disposition to befriend you, there are always 
uses to be made of such a circumstance. Between ourselves, the Count of Oli- 
varez has something rather unaccountable in his character : he is a very good 
sort of nobleman, but rather whimsical withal : sometimes, as on the present 
occasion, he acts in a most offensive manner, and none but himself can furnish 
a clue to disentangle the intricate thread of his motives and their results. But 
however this may be, or whatever reasons might have swayed him to give you 
so scurvy a reception, keep your footing here, and do not budge ; he will not 
be able to hinder you from thriving under the royal shelter and protection ; take 
my word for that ! I will just give a hint upon the subject this evening to Sig- 
nor Don Balthasar de Zuniga, my master ; he is uncle to the Count of Olivarez, 
and shares with him in the toils and cares of office. Navarro having given me 
this assurance, inquired where I lived, and then we parted. 

It was not long before we met again ; for he came to call on me the very next 
day. Signor de Santillane, said he, you are not without a protector ; my mas- 
ter will lend you his powerful support : on the strength of the good character 
which I have given your lordship, he has promised to speak to his nephew, the 
Count of Olivarez, in your behalf ; and I doubt not but he will effectually pre- 
possess him in your favour. My friend Navarro not meaning to serve me 
by halves, introduced me two days afterwards to Don Balthasar, who said with 
a gracious air : Signor de Santillane, your friend Joseph has pronounced your 
panegyric in terms which have won me over completely to your interest. I 
made a low obeisance to Signor de Zuniga, and answered, that to the latest 
period of my life I should entertain the most lively sense of my obligation to 
Navarro, for having secured to me the protection of a minister, who was con- 
sidered, and that for the best reasons possible, as the presiding genius, the 
greater luminary, or, as it were, the eye and mind of the ministerial council. 
Don Balthasar, at this unexpected stroke of flattery, clapped me on the shoul- 



OLIVAREZ TAKES GIL BLAS INTO FAVOUR. 399 

der with an approving chuckle, and returned my compliment by a more signifi- 
cant intimation : You may call on the Count of Olivarez again to-morrow, and 
then you will have more reason to be pleased with him. 

For the third time, therefore, did I make my appearance before the prime 
minister, who, picking me out from among the mob of suitors, cast upon me a 
look conveying with it a simper of welcome, from which I ventured to draw a 
good omen. This is all as it should be, said I to myself ; the uncle has brought 
the nephew to his proper bearings. I no longer anticipated any other than a 
favourable reception, and my confidence was fully justified. The count, after 
having given audience to the promiscuous crowd, took me with him into his 
closet, and said with a familiar address : My friend Santillane, you must excuse 
the little disquietude I have occasioned you merely for my own amusement ; it 
was done in sport, though it was death to you, for the sole purpose of practising 
on your discretion, and observing to what measures your disgust and disap- 
pointment would incite you. Doubtless you must have concluded that your 
services were displeasing to me; but on the contrary, my good fellow, I must 
confess frankly, that, as far as appears at present, you are perfectly to my mind. 
Though the king my master had not enjoined me to take charge of your fortunes, 
I should have done so of my own free choice. Besides, my uncle, Don Balthasar 
de Zuniga, to whom I can refuse nothing, has requested me to consider you as 
a man for whom he particularly interests himself : that alone would be enough 
to fix my confidence in you, and make me most sincerely your friend. 

This outset of my career produced so lively an impression on my feelings, that 
they became unintelligibly tumultuous. I threw myself at the minister's feet, 
who insisted on my rising immediately, and then went on to the following effect : 
Return hither to-day after dinner, and ask for my steward : he will acquaint 
you with the orders which I shall have given him. With these words his ex- 
cellency broke up the conference to hear mass, according to his constant custom 
every day after giving audience : he then attended the king's levee. 

Ch. TV. — Gil Bias ingratiates himself with the Count of Olivarez. 

I DID not fail returning after dinner to the prime minister's house, and asking 
for his steward, whose name was Don Raymond Caporis. No sooner had I 
made myself known, than paying his civilities to me in the most respectful man- 
ner, Sir, said he, follow me if you please : I am to do myself the honour of 
shewing you the way to the apartment which is ordered for you in this family. 
Having spoken thus, he led me up a narrow staircase to a gallery communicat- 
ing with five or six rooms, which composed the second story belonging to one 
wing of the house, and were furnished neatly, but without ostentation. You 
behold, resumed he, the lodging assigned you by his lordship, where you will 
always have a table of six persons, kept at his expense. You will be waited on 
by his own servants ; and there will always be a carriage at your command. 
But that is not all : his excellency insisted on it in the most pointed manner, 
that you should be treated in every respect with the same attention as if you 
belonged to the house of Guzman. 

What the devil is the meaning of all this ? said I within myself. W T hat con- 
struction ought I to put upon all these honours ? Is there not some humorous 
prank at the bottom of it ? and must it not be more in the way of diversion than 
anything else, that the minister is flattering me up with so imposing an estab- 
lishment ? While I was ruminating in this uncertainty, fluctuating between 
hope and fear, a page came to let me know that the count was asking for me. 
I waited instantly on his lordship, who was quite alone in his closet. Well ! 
Santillane, said he, are you satisfied with your rooms, and with my orders to 



4 oo GIL BLAS. 



Don Raymond? Your excellency's liberality, answered I, seems out of all 
proportion with its object; so that I receive it with fear and trembling. Why 
so ? replied he. Can I be too lavish of distinction to a man whom the king lias 
committed to my care, and for whose interests he especially commanded me to 
provide ? No, that is impossible ; and I do no more than my duty in placing you 
on a footing of respectability and consequence. No longer, therefore, let what 
I do for you be a subject of surprise ; but rely on it that splendour in the eye of 
the world, and the solid advantages of accumulating wealth, are equally within 
your grasp, if you do but attach yourself as faithfully to me as you did to the 
Duke of Lerma. 

But now that we are on the subject of that nobleman, continued he, it is said 
that you lived on terms of personal intimacy with him. I have a strong curiosity 
to learn the circumstances which led to your first acquaintance, as well as in what 
department you acted under him. Do not disguise or gloss over the slightest 
particular, for I shall not be satisfied without a full, true, and circumstantial 
recital. Then it was that I recollected in what an embarrassing predicament I 
stood with the Duke of Lerma on a similar occasion, and by what line of con- 
duct I extricated myself ; that same course I adopted once again with the hap- 
piest success ; whereby the reader is to understand that throughout my narrative 
I softened down the passages likely to give umbrage to my patron, and glanced 
with a superficial delicacy over transactions which would have reflected but 
little lustre on my own character. I likewise manifested a considerate tender- 
ness for the Duke of Lerma ; though by giving that fallen favourite no quarter, 
I should better have consulted the taste of him whom I wished to please. As 
for Don Rodrigo de Calderona, there I laid about me with the religious fury of 
a bishop in a battle. I brought together, and displayed in the most glaring colours, 
all the anecdotes I had been able to pick up respecting his corrupt practices and 
underhand dealing in the sale of promotions, military, ecclesiastical, and civil. 

What you have told me about Calderona, cried the minister with eagerness, 
exactly squares with certain memorials which have been presented to me, con- 
taining the heads of charges still more seriously affecting his character. He 
will veiy soon be put upon his trial, and if you have any wish to glut your re- 
venge by his ruin, I am of opinion that the object of your desire is near at hand. 
I am far from thirsting after his blood, said I, though had it depended on him, 
mine might have been shed in the tower of Segovia, where he was the occasion 
of my taking lodgings for a pretty long term. What ! inquired his excellency, 
was it Don Rodrigo who procured you that sudden journey? this a pail of the 
story of which I was not aware before. Don Balthasar, to whom Navarro 
gave a summary of your adventures, told me indeed that the late king gave 
orders for your commitment, as a mark of his indignation against you for having 
led the Prince of Spain astray, and taken him to a house of suspicious character 
in the night : but that is all I know of the matter, and cannot for the life of me 
conjecture what part Calderona could possibly have had to play in that tragi - 
comedv. A principal part, whether on the stage or in real life, answered I : 
that of a jealous lover, taking vengeance for an injury, sustained in the tender - 
est point. At the same time I related minutely all the facts with which the 
reader is already acquainted, and touched his risible propensities, difficult as 
they were of access, so exactly in the right place, that he could not help wag- 
ging his under-hung jaw in a paroxysm of humour-stricken ecstasy, and laugh- 
ing till he cried again. Catalina's double cast in the drama delighted him 
exceedingly ; her sometimes playing the niece and sometimes personating the 
grand-daughter seemed to tickle his fancy more than anything ; nor was he 
altogether inattentive to the appearance which the Duke of Lerma made in this 
undignified farce of state. 



CHARACTER OF THE COUNT & OLIVAREZ. 401 

When I had finished my story, the count gave me leave to depart, with an 
assurance that on the next day he would not fail to make trial of my talents for 
business. I ran immediately to the family hotel of Zuniga, to thank Don Bal- 
thazar for. his good offices, and to acquaint my friend Joseph with the favour- 
able dispositions of the prime minister, and my brilliant prospects in con- 
sequence. 

Ch. V. — The private conversation of Gil Bias zvith Navarro, and his first 
employment in the service of the Cotmt d ' Olivarez. 

As soon as I got to the ear of Joseph, I told him with much trepidation of spi- 
rits what a world of topics I had to deposit in his private ear. He took me 
where we might be alone, when I asked him, after having communicated a key 
to the whole transaction up to the present time, what he thought of the business 
as it stood. I think, answered he, that you are in a fair way to make an enor- 
mous fortune. Everything turns out according to your wishes : you have made 
yourself acceptable to the prime minister ; and what must be taken for some- 
thing in the account, I can render you the same service as my uncle Melchior 
de la Ronda, when you attached yourself to the archiepiscopal establishment of 
Grenada. He spared you the trouble of finding out the weak side of that pre- 
late and his principal officers, by discovering their different characters to you ; 
and it is my purpose, after his example, to bring you perfectly acquainted 
with the count, his lady countess, and their only daughter, Donna Maria de 
Guzman. 

The minister's parts are quick, his judgment penetrating, and his talents 
altogether calculated for the formation of extensive projects. He affects the 
credit of universal genius, on the strength of a showy smattering in general sci- 
ence ; so that there is no subject, in his own opinion, too difficult to be decided 
on his mere authority. He sets himself up for a practical lawyer, a complete 
general, and a politician of thorough-paced sagacity. Add to all this, that he 
is so obstinately wedded to his own opinions, as unchangeably to persevere in 
the path of his own chalking out, to the absolute contempt of better advice, for 
fear of seeming to be influenced by any good sense or intelligence, but what he 
would be thought to engross in the resources of his own mind. Between our- 
selves, this blot in his character may produce strange consequences, which it 
may be well for the monarchy should indulgent heaven for the defect of human 
means avert ! As for his talents in council, he shines in debate by the force of 
natural eloquence, and would write as well as he speaks, if he did not injudici- 
ously affect a certain dignity of style, which degenerates into affectation, quaint - 
ness, and obscurity. His modes of thinking are peculiar to himself ; he is 
capricious in conduct, and visionary in design. Here you have the picture of 
his mind, the light and shade of his intellectual merits : the qualities of his 
heart and disposition remain to be delineated. He is generous and warm in 
his friendships. It is said that he is revengeful ; but would he be a Spaniard 
if he were otherwise ? In addition to this, he has been accused of ingratitude, 
for having driven the Duke of Uzeda and Friar Lewis Aliaga into banishment, 
though he owed them, according to common report, obligations of the most 
binding nature ; and yet even this must not be looked into so narrowly under 
his circumstances : there are few breasts capacious enough to afford house-room 
for two such opposite inmates as political ambition and gratitude. 

Donna Agnes de Zuniga e Velasco, Countess of Olivarez, continued Joseph, 
is a lady to whom it is impossible to impute more than one fault, but that is a 
huge one ; for it consists in making a market, and a market the most exorbit- 
ant in its terms, of her natural influence over the mind of her husband. As for 



402 GIL BLAS. 



Donna Maria de Guzman, who beyond all dispute is at this moment the very- 
first match in Spain, she is a lady of first-rate accomplishments, and absolutely 
idolized by her father. Regulate your conduct upon these hints : make your 
court with art and plausibility to these two ladies, and let it appear as if you 
were more devoted to the Count of Olivarez than ever you were to the Duke of 
Lerma before your forced excursion to Segovia ; you will become a leading and 
powerful member of the administration. 

I should advise you, moreover, added he, to see my master, Don Balthasar, 
from time to time ; for though you have no longer any occasion for his interest 
to push you forward, it will not be amiss to waste a little incense upon him. 
You stand very high in his good opinion ; preserve your footing there, and cul- 
tivate his friendship ; it may stand you in some stead on any emergency. I 
could not help observing, that as the uncle and nephew were in a certain sort 
partners in the government of the state, there might possibly be some little 
symptom of jealousy between brothers near the throne. On the contrary, 
answered he, they are united by the most confidential ties. Had it not been 
for Don Balthasar, the Count of Olivarez might probably never have been 
prime minister ; for you are to know, that after Philip the Third had paid the 
debt of nature, all the adherents and partisans belonging to the house of San- 
doval made a great stir, some in favour of the cardinal, and others on his son's 
behalf ; but my master, a greater adept in court intrigue than any of them, and 
the count, who is nearly as great an adept as himself, disconcerted all their 
measures, and took their own so judiciously for the purpose of stepping into the 
vacant place, that their rivals had no chance against them. The Count of 
Olivarez, being appointed prime minister, divided the duties with his uncle, 
Don Balthasar ; leaving foreign affairs to him, and taking the home department 
to himself ; the consequence is, that the bonds of family friendship are drawn 
closer between these two noblemen, than if political influence had no share in 
their mutual interests : they are perfectly independent in their respective lines 
of business, and live together on terms of good understanding which no intrigue 
can possibly affect or alter. 

Such was the substance of my conversation with Joseph, and the advantage 
to be derived from it was my own to make the most of : at all events, it was 
my duty to thank Signor de Zuniga for all the influence he had the goodness 
to exert in my favour. He assured me with infinite good-breeding that he 
should avail himself of every opportunity as it arose to promote my wishes, 
and that he was very glad his nephew had behaved so as to meet my ideas, 
because he meant to refresh his memory in my behalf, being determined, as he 
was pleased to say, to place it beyond all manner of doubt how far he himself 
participated in all my views, and to make it evident that, instead of one fast 
friend, I had two. In terms like these did Don Balthasar, through mere friend- 
ship for Navarro, take the moulding of my fortunes on himself. 

On that same evening did I leave my paltry lodging to take up my abode at 
the prime minister's, where I sat down to supper with Scipio in my own suite 
of apartments. There were we both waited on by the servants belonging to 
the household, who as they stood behind our chairs, while we were affecting 
the pomp and circumstance of political elevation, were more likely than not to 
be laughing in their sleeves at the pantomime they had been ordered by their 
manager to play in our presence. When they had taken away and left us to 
ourselves, my secretary being no longer under restraint, gave vent to a thousand 
wild imaginations which his sprightly temper and inventive hopes engendered 
in his fancy. On my part, though by no means cold or insensible to the bril- 
liant prospects which were opening on my view, I did not as yet yield in the 
least degree to the weakness of being thrust aside from the right line of my 



GIL BIAS DRAWS UP A STATE PAPER. 403 

philosophy by temporal allurements. So much otherwise, that on going to 
bed I fell into a sound sleep, without being haunted in my dreams by those 
phantoms of flattering delusion which might have gained admittance with no 
severe question from a corruptible door-keeper. The ambitious Scipio, on the 
contrary, tossed and tumbled all night in the agitation of restless contrivance. 
Whenever he dozed a little imp took possession of his brain, with a pen behind 
its ear, working out by all the rules of arithmetic the bulky sum total of his 
daughter Seraphina's marriage portion. 

No sooner had I got my clothes on the next morning, than a message came 
from his lordship. I flew like lightning at the summons, when his excellency 
said : Now then, Santillane, suppose you give us a specimen of your talents 
for business. You say that the Duke of Lerma used to give you state papers 
to bring into official form ; and I have one, by way of experiment, on which 
you shall try your skill. The subject you will easily comprehend : it turns upon 
an exposition of public affairs, such as to throw an artificial light on the first 
appearance of the new ministry, and to prejudice the public in its favour. I 
have already whispered it about by my emissaries, that every department of 
the state was completely disorganized, that the talents which preceded us were 
no talents at all; and the object at present is to impress both court and city by 
a formal declaration with the idea, that our aid is absolutely necessary to save 
the monarchy itself from sinking. On this theme you may expatiate till the 
populace become lock -jawed with astonishment, and the sober part of the pub- 
lic are gravely argued out of all prepossession in favour of the discarded party. 
By way of contrast, you will talk of the dignus vindice nodus, taking care to 
translate it into Spanish ; and boast of the measures adopted under the new 
order of things, to secure the permanent glory of the king's reign, to give per- 
petual prosperity to his dominions, and to confer perfect, unchangeable happi- 
ness on his good people. 

His lordship, having given out the general subject of my thesis, left me with 
a paper containing the heads of charges, whether just or unjust, against the late 
administration : and I remember perfectly well, that there were ten articles, whose 
lightest word, even of the lightest article, would harrow up the soul of a true 
Spaniard, and make his knotted and combined locks to part. That the current 
of my fancy might experience no interruption, he shut me into a little closet near 
his own, where the spirit of poetry might possess me in all its freedom and in- 
dependence. My best faculties were called forth, to compose a statement of 
affairs commensurate with my own concern in the sweeping of the new brooms. 
My first object was to lay open the nakedness and abandonment of the kingdom: 
the finances in a state of bankruptcy, the civil list and immediate resources of 
the crown pawned fifty times over, the navy unpaid, dismantled, and in mutiny. 
All this hideous delineation was referred for its justice and accuracy to the 
wrongheadedness and stupidity of government at the close of the last reign, and 
the doctrine most strongly enforced, that unexampled wisdom and patriotism 
only could ward off the fatal consequences. In short, the monarchy could only 
be sustained on the shoulders of our political sufficiency and reforming prudence. 
The ex-ministry were so cruelly belaboured, that the Duke of Lerma's ruin, ac- 
cording to the terms of my syllogism, was the salvation of Spain. To own the 
truth, though my professions were in the spirit of Christian charity towards that 
nobleman, I was not sorry to give him a sly rub in the exercise of my function. 
Oh man ! man ! what a compound of candour-breathing satire and splenetic 
impartiality art thou ! 

Towards the conclusion, having finished my frightful portraiture of over- 
hanging evils, I endeavoured to allay the storm my art had raised by making 
futurity as bright as the past had been gloomy. The Count of Olivarez was 



404 GIL BLAS. 



brought in at the close, like the tutelary deity of an ancient commonwealth in 
the crisis of its fate. I promised more than paganism ever feigned or chivalry 
fancied in the wildest of its crusading projects. In a word, I so exactly exe- 
cuted what the new minister meant, that he seemed not to know his own hints 
again, when drawn out in my emphatic and appropriate language. Santillane, 
said he, do you know that this is more like the composition one might expect 
from a secretary of state, than like that of a private secretary ? I can no longer 
be surprised that the Duke of Lerma was fond of calling your talents into ac- 
tion. Your style is concise, and by no means inelegant ; but it creeps rather 
too much in the level paths of nature. At the same time, pointing out the pas- 
sages which did not hit his fancy, he corrected them ; and I gathered from the 
touches he threw in, that Navarro was right in saying he affected sententious 
wit, but mistook for it quaint and stale conceits. Nevertheless, though he pre- 
ferred the stately, or rather the grotesque in writing, he suffered two thirds of 
my performance to stand without alteration ; and by way of proving how en- 
tirely he was satisfied, sent me three hundred pistoles by Don Raymond after 
dinner. 

Ch. VI. — T/ie application of the three hundred pistoles, and Scipids commission 
connected with them. Success of the state paper mentioned in t/ie last chapter. 

This handsome present of the minister furnished Scipio with a new subject of 
congratulation, by reason of our second appearance at court. You may remark, 
said he, that fortune is preparing a load of aggrandizement to lay on your lord- 
ship's shoulders. Are you still sorry for having turned your back on solitude ? 
May the Count of Olivarez live for ever ! he is a very different sort of a master 
from his predecessor. The Duke of Lerma, with all your devotion to his service, 
left you to live upon suction for months without a pistole to bless yourself with ; 
and the count has already made you a present which you could have had no 
reason to expect but after a course of long service. 

I should very much like, added he, that the lords of Leyva should be witnesses 
of your great success, or at least that they should be informed of it. It is high 
time indeed, answered I, and I meant to speak with you on that subject. They 
must doubtless be impatient to hear of my proceedings, but I waited till my fate 
was fixed, and till I could decide for certain whether I should stay at court or 
not. Now that I am sure of my destination, you have only to set out for Va- 
lencia whenever you please, and to acquaint those noblemen with my present 
situation, which I consider as their doing, since it is evident that, but for them, 
I should never have resolved on my journey to Madrid. My dear master, cried 
the son of Bohemian accident, what joy shall I communicate by relating what 
has happened to you ! Why am I not already at the gates of Valencia 1 But I 
shall be there forthwith. Don Alphonso's two horses are ready in the stable. 
I shall take one of my lord's livery servants with me. Besides that company is 
pleasant on the road, you know very well the effect of official parade, in making 
impression on the natives of a provincial town. 

I could not help laughing at my secretary's foolish vanity ; and yet, with 
vanity perhaps more than equal to his own, I left him to do as he pleased. Go 
about your business, said I, and make the best of your way back ; for I have an- 
other commission to give you. I mean to send you to the Asturias with some 
money for my mother. Through neglect I have suffered the time to elapse when 
I promised to remit her a hundred pistoles, and pledged you to make the payment 
in person. Such engagements ought to be held sacred by a son ; and I re- 
proach myself with inaccuracy in the observance of mine. Sir, answered Scipio, 
within six weeks I shall bring you an account of both your commissions ; hav- 



COUNT OLIVAREZ REFORMS THE STATE. 405 

ing opened my budget to the lords of Leyva, looked in at your country-house, 
and taken a peep at the town of Oviedo, the recollection of which I cannot ad- 
mit into my mind, without turning over three-fourths of the inhabitants, and 
one-half of the remaining quarter, to the corrective discipline of that infernal 
executioner, who is supposed to be kept on foot for the purpose of castigating 
sinners. I then counted down one hundred pistoles to that same son of a wan- 
dering mother for my honoured parents' annuity, and another hundred for him- 
self; meaning that he should perform his long journey without grumbling on 
my account by the way. 

Some days after his departure his lordship sent our memorial to press ; and it 
was no sooner published than it became the topic of conversation in every circle 
throughout Madrid. The people, enamoured of novelty, took up this well- 
written statement of their own wretchedness with fond partiality ; the derange- 
ment and exhaustion of the finances, painted with a mixture of truth and poetry, 
excited a strong feeling of popular indignation against the Duke of Lerma ; and 
if these paper bullets of the brain, cast in the political armoury of a rival, failed 
to carry victory with them in the opinions of all mankind, they were at all events 
hailed with triumph by the most clamorous of our own partisans. As for the 
magnificent promises which the Count of Olivarez threw in, and among others 
that of keeping the machine of state in motion, by a system of economy, with- 
out adding to the public burdens, they were caught at with avidity by the citi- 
zens at large, and considered as pledges of an enlightened and patriotic policy, 
so that the whole city resounded with the acclamation of panegyric and congra- 
tulation on the opening of new prospects. 

The minister, delighted to have gained his end so easily, which in that pub- 
lication had only been to draw popularity upon himself, was now determined to 
seize the substance as well as catch at the shadow, by an act of unquestionable 
credit with the subject, and high utility to the king's sendee. For that purpose, 
he had recourse to the emperor Galba's contrivance, consisting in a forced re- 
gurgitation of ill-gotten spoils from individuals who had made large fortunes, 
hell and their own consciences knew best how, in the superintendence of the 
royal expenditure. When he had squeezed these spunges till they were dry 
again, and had filled the king's coffers with the drainings, he undertook to ren- 
der the reform permanent by abolishing all pensions, not excepting his own, 
and curtailing the gratuities too frequently bestowed on favourites out of the 
prince's privy purse. To succeed in this design, which he could not carry into 
effect without changing the face of the government, he charged me with the 
composition of a new state paper, furnishing the substance and the fonn from 
his own idea. He then advised me to raise my style as much as possible above 
the level of my ordinary simplicity, and to give an air of more eloquence to my 
phraseology. A hint is sufficient, my lord, said I ; your excellency wishes to 
unite sublimity with illumination, and it shall be so. I shut myself up in the 
same closet where I had already worked so successfully, and sat down stiffly to 
my task, first calling to my aid the lofty and clear perceptions, the noble and 
sonorous expressions, of my old instructor, the archbishop of Grenada. 

I began by laying it down as a first maxim of political philosophy, that the 
vital functions, the respiration as it were of all monarchy, depended on the strict 
administration of the finances ; that in our particular case that duty became im- 
periously urgent, irresistibly impressing on our consciences ; and that the reve- 
nue should be considered as the nerves and sinews of Spain, to hold her rivals 
in check and keep her enemies in awe. After this general declamation, I 
pointed out to the sovereign, for to him the memorial was addressed, that by 
cutting down all pensions and perquisites dependent on the ordinary income, he 
would not thereby deprive himself of that truly royal pleasure, a princely munifi- 



4 o6 GIL BLAS. 



cence towards those of his subjects who had established a fair claim to his 
favours ; because without drawing upon his treasury, he had the means of dis- 
tributing more acceptable rewards ; that for one branch of sendee, there were 
viceroyalties, lieutenancies, orders of merit, and all sorts of military commis- 
sions : for another, high judicial situations with salaries annexed, civil offices of 
magistracy with sounding titles to give them consequence ; and though last, not 
least, all the temporal possessions of the church to animate the piety of its spi- 
ritual pastors. 

This memorial, which was much longer than the first, occupied me nearly 
three days ; but as luck would have it, my performance was exactly to my mas- 
ter's mind, who finding it written with sententious cogency, and bristled up with 
metaphors in the declamatory parts, complimented me in the highest terms. 
That is vastly well expressed indeed ! said he, laying his finger on a passage 
here and there, and picking out all the most inflated sentences he could find : 
that language bears the stamp of fine composition, and might pass for the pro- 
duction of a classic. Courage, my friend ! I foresee that your sendees will be 
worth their weight in gold. And yet, notwithstanding the applauses he lavish- 
ed on my classical composition, a few of his own heightening touches, he 
thought, would make it read still better. He put a good deal of his own stuff 
into it, and the medley was manufactured into a piece of eloquence which was 
considered as unanswerable by the king and all the court. The whole city join- 
ed in opinion with the higher orders, deriving the most flattering hopes of the 
future from these grand promises, and concluding that the monarchy must re- 
cover its pristine splendour during the ministry of so illustrious a character. 
His excellency, finding that my sermon on economy was fraught with practical 
inferences of utility to him, was kind enough to wish that I should profit by the 
exercise of my own talents. In conformity therefore with his new system of 
patronage, he gave me an annuity of five hundred crowns on the commandery 
of Castile ; and the acceptance of it was so much the more palatable, as no 
dirty work had been done for it, but it was honestly, though cheaply, earned. 

Ch. VII. — Gil Bias meets with his friend Falricio once more ; the accident, 
place, a?id circumstances described ; "with the particulars of their conversation 
together. 

Nothing gave his lordship greater pleasure than to hear the general decision 
of Madrid on the conduct of his administration. Not a day passed but he in- 
quired what they were saying of him in the political world. He kept spies in 
pay, to bring him an exact account of what was going on in the city. They 
particularized the most trivial discourses which they overheard ; and their orders 
being to suppress nothing, his self-love was grazed now and then, for the people 
have a way of bolting out home truths, without any nice calculation whef 6 they 
may glance. 

Finding that the count loved political small talk, I made it my business to 
frequent places of public resort after dinner, and to chime in with the conversa- 
tion of genteel people whenever opportunity offered. Should the measures of 
government happen to be canvassed among them, I pricked up my ears, and 
greedily took in their discourse ; if anything worth repeating was said, his ex- 
cellency was sure to hear of it. It can scarcely be necessary to hint, that I never 
carried home anything which was not likely to pay for the porterage. 

One day, returning from one of these little conversational parties, my road 
lay in front of an hospital. It occurred to me to go in. I walked through two 
or three wards, filled with diseased patients, and examined their beds to see that 
they were properly taken care of. Among these unhappy wretches, whom I 



GIL BLAS MEETS WITH FABRIC 10. 407 

could not look at without the most painful feelings, I observed one whose fea- 
tures struck me : it surely could be no other than Fabricio, my countryman and 
chum ! To look at him more closely, I drew near his bedside, and finding be- 
yond a possibility of doubt that it was the poet Nunez, I stopped to look at 
him for a few seconds without saying a word. He also fixed his regards on 
me. At length breaking silence : Do not my eyes deceive me ? said I. Is it 
indeed Fabricio, and here ? It is indeed, answered he, coldly, and you need not 
wonder at it. Since we parted, I have been working indefatigably at the trade 
of an author : I have written novels, plays, and works of genius in every de- 
partment. My brain is fairly spun out, and here I am. 

I could not help laughing at such a sketch of literary biography ; and still 
more at the serious air of the accompanying action. What ! cried I, has your 
muse brought you to this pass? Has she played you such a jade's trick as 
this ? Even as you witness, answered he ; this establishment is a sort of half- 
pay receptacle for invalids on the muster-roll of disabled wit. You have acted 
discreetly, my good friend, to lay yourself out for promotion in a different line. 
But they tell me, you are no longer a courtier, and that your prospects in politi- 
cal life were all blasted ; nay, they went so far as to affirm, that you were com- 
mitted to close custody by the king's order. They told you no more than the 
truth, replied I : the delightful vision of political eminence wherein you left me 
last, soon shifted the scene of my incoherent dreams to a prison and complete 
des:itution. But for all that, my friend, here you behold me again in a better^ 
plight than ever. That is quite out of the question, said Nunez : your deport-'' 
ment is discreet and decent, you have not that supercilious and devil-take-the- 
hindermost sort of aspect, which good keep communicates to the human face. 
The reverses of this chequered life, replied I, have brought me down to the level 
of the more modest virtues ; I have taken a lesson in the school of adversity, 
to enjoy the possession of a good stud without riding the great horse. 

Tell me then candidly, cried Fabricio, raising his head upon his hand with 
his elbow upon the pillow, what your present occupation can possibly be. A 
steward perhaps to some nobleman out at elbows, or man of business to some 
rich widow ! Something better than either the one or the other, rejoined I, but 
excuse me from saying more at present : another time your curiosity shall be 
satisfied. It is enough at present to assure you that my means are equal to my 
inclination, and that you may command independence through me ; but then 
you must submit to an embargo on your wit, and a non-intercourse act between 
you and the faculty of writing, whether in verse or prose. Can you make this 
sacrifice to my friendship ? I have already made it to the powers above, said 
he, in my last critical sickness. A Dominican made me forswear poetry, as an 
amusement bordering on criminality, but at all events beside the turnpike-road 
of good sense. I wish you joy, my dear Nunez, replied I ; beware of a revoke. 
There is not the least danger on that head, rejoined he : the Muses and I have 
agreed on terms of separation : just as you came in at that door, I was conning 
over a farewell ode. Good master Fabricio, said I, with a wise swagging^ to 
and fro of my head, it is a doubtful question whether your vow of abjuration 
ought to pass current with the Dominican and myself : you seem over head and 
ears in love with those virgins incarnate. No, no, contended he peevishly, I 
have cut the connection asunder. Nay, more, I have quarrelled with their 
keepers, the public. The readers of these days do not deserve an author of 
more genius than themselves : I should be sorry to write down to their com- 
prehension. You are not to suppose that this is the language of disgust ; it is 
my sincere and well-weighed opinion. Applause and hisses are just the same 
to me. It is a toss up who fails and who succeeds : the wit of to-day is the 
blockhead of to-morrow. What cursed fools our dramatists must be, to care for 



408 GIL BLAS. 



anything but their poundage when their plays happen to be received ! It is 
all very well for a few nights ! But only fancy a revival at the end of twenty 
years, and what a figure they will cut then ! The audiences of the present day 
turn up their noses at the stock pieces of the last age, and it is a question 
whether their taste will fare better with their more critical descendants. If that 
conjecture be probable, the inventors of clap-traps now will be the butt of cat- 
calls hereafter. It is just the same with novel writers, and all other manufac- 
turers of unnecessary literature : they strut and fret for an hour, and then are no 
more seen or heard of. The glories of successful authorship are the mere vapours 
of a murky atmosphere, meteors of a marsh, foul coruscations of a dunghill, 
cathedral tapers to put out the galaxy, blue flames of coarse paper held over a 
candle. 

Though these caricatures of rival renown were the mere creations of jealousy 
in the poet of the Asturias, it was not my business to correct his ill temper. I 
am delighted, said I, that wit and you have had so serious a quarrel ; and that 
the diarrhoea of your inventive faculties has been cured by an astringent. You 
may depend on it, I will put you in the way of a good livelihood, without draw- 
ing deep upon your intellectual credit. So much the better, cried he ; wit smells 
like carrion in my nostrils, or rather like a pungent and deleterious perfume ; 
' fragrant to the sense, but corrosive to the vitals. I heartily wish, my dear Fa- 
bricio, resumed I, that you may always keep in that mind. Only wash your 
hands completely of poetry, and you may depend on it, I will enable, you to 
keep your head above water without picking or stealing. In the mean while, 
added I, slipping a purse of sixty pistoles into his hand, accept this as a slight 
instance of my regard. 

O friend like the friends in days of yore, cried the son of barber Nunez, 
out of his wits with joy and gratitude, it was heaven itself which sent you into 
this hospital, whence your goodness is now discharging me ! Before we parted, 
I gave him my address, and invited him to come and see me as soon as his 
health would permit. He opened his eyes as an oyster does its shell, when I 
told him that I lodged under the minister's roof. O illustrious Gil Bias ! said 
he, great as Pompey and fortunate as Sylla, Avhose lot it is to be hand in glove 
with the dictators of modern times ! I rejoice most disinterestedly in your good 
fortune, because it is so very evident what a noble use you make of it. 

Ch. VIII. — Gil Bias gets forward progressively in his master's affections. 
Scipids return to Madrid, and account of his journey. 

The Count of Olivarez, whom I shall henceforward call my lord duke, because 
the king was pleased to confer that dignity on him about this time, was infested 
with a weakness which I did not suffer to pass without taking toll : it was a 
furious desire of being beloved. The moment he fancied that any one really 
liked him, his heart was caught in a trap. This was not lost upon my keen 
sense of character. It was not enough to do precisely as he ordered ; I super- 
added a zeal in the execution which made him mine. I laid myself out to his 
liking in everything, and provided beforehand for his most eccentric wishes. 

By conduct like this, which almost always answers, I became by degrees my 
master's favourite ; and he, on the other hand, as if he had got round to my 
blind side also, wormed himself into my affections, by giving me his own. So 
forward did I get into his good graces, as to halve his confidence with Signor 
Carnero, his principal secretaiy. 

Carnero had played my game ; and that so successfully, as to be intrusted 
with the greater mysteries. We two therefore were the keepers of the prime 
minister's conscience, and held the keys of all his secrets : with this difference, 



GIL BLAS AD VANCES IN HIS MASTER'S FA VOUR. 409 

that Carnero was consulted on state affairs, myself about his private concerns, 
dividing the business into two separate departments ; and we were each of 
us equally pleased with our own. "We lived together without jealousy, and 
certainly without attachment. I had every reason to be satisfied with my quar- 
ters, where continual intercourse gave me an opportunity of prying into the 
duke's inmost soul, Which was a masked battery to all mankind beside, but 
plain as a pikestaff to me, when he no longer questioned the sincerity of my 
attachment to him. 

Santillane, said he one day, you were witness to the Duke of Lerma's pos- 
session of an authority, more like that of an absolute monarch than a favourite 
minister ; and yet I am still happier than he was at the very summit of his good 
fortune. He had two formidable enemies in his own son, the Duke of Uzeda, 
and in the confessor of Philip the Third : but there is no one now about the 
king who has credit enough to stand in my way, or even, as I am aware, the 
slightest inclination v to do me mischief. 

It is true, continued he, that on my accession to the ministry, it was my first 
care to remove all hangers-on from about the prince but those of my own family 
or connections. By means of viceroyalties or embassies I got rid of all the 
nobility who, by their personal merit, could have interfered with me in the 
good graces of the sovereign, whom I mean to engross entirely to myself; so 
that I may say at the present moment, no statesman of the time holds me in 
check by the ascendancy of his personal influence. You see, Gil Bias, I open 
my mind to you. As I have reason to think that you are mine heart and soul, 
I have chosen to put you in possession of everything. You are a clever youth ; 
with reflection, penetration, and discretion : in short, you are just the very crea- 
ture to acquit yourself of all possible little offices in all possible directions ; you 
are also a young fellow of very promising parts, and must in the nature of 
things be in my interests. 

There was no standing the attack which these flattering representations were 
calculated to make upon the weakly defended fortress of my philosophy. Un- 
authorized whims of avarice and ambition mounted suddenly into my head, 
and brought forward certain sentiments of political speculation which were 
supposed to have been in abeyance. I gave the minister an assurance that I 
should fulfil his intentions to the utmost of my power, and held myself in readi- 
ness to execute without examination or inference all the orders it might be his 
pleasure to give me. 

While I was thus disposed to take fortune in her affable fit, Scipio returned 
from his peregrination. I have no long story for you, said he. The lords of 
Leyva were delighted at your reception from the king, and at the manner in 
which the Count of Olivarez and you came to understand one another. 

My friend, said I, you v/ould have delighted them still more, had you been 
able to tell them on what a footing I am now with my lord. My advances 
since your departure have been prodigious. Happy man be his dole, my dear 
master, answered he : my mind forebodes that we shall cut a figure. 

Let us change the subject, said I, and talk of Oviedo. You have been in the 
Asturias. How did you leave my mother ? Ah, sir ! replied he, with an 
undertaker's decency of countenance, I have a melancholy tale to tell you from 
that quarter. O heaven ! exclaimed I, my mother then is dead ! Six months 
since, said my secretary, did the good lady pay the debt of nature, and your 
uncle, Signor Gil Perez, about the same period. 

My mother's death preyed upon my susceptible nature, though in my child- 
hood I had not received from her those little fondling indications of maternal 
love, so necessary to amalgamate with the more serious convictions of filial duty. 
The good canon, too, came in for his share in bringing me up according to the 



4io GIL BLAS. 



rules of godliness and honesty. My serious grief was not lasting : but I never 
lost sight of a certain tender recollection, whenever the idea of my dear relations 
shot across my mind. 

Ch. IX. — How ?ny lord duke married his only daughter, and to whom : with 
the bitter consequences of that marriage. 

Very shortly after the son of Coselina's return, my lord duke fell into a brown 
study, and it lasted a complete week. I conceived, of course, that he was 
brooding over some great measure of government ; but family concerns were 
the object of his musings. Gil Bias, said he one day after dinner, you may 
perceive that my mind is a good deal distracted. Yes, my good friend, I am 
pondering over an affair of the utmost consequence to my feelings. You shall 
know all about it. 

My daughter, Donna Maria, pursued he, is marriageable, and of course beset 
with suitors. The Count de Niebles, eldest son of the Duke de Medina Sidonia, 
head of the Guzman family, and Don Lewis de Haro, eldest son of the Mar- 
quis de Carpio and my eldest sister, are the two most likely competitors. The 
latter in particular is superior in point of merit to all his rivals, so that the 
whole court has fixed on him for my son-in-law. Nevertheless, without enter- 
ing into private motives for treating him, as well as the Count de Niebles, with 
a refusal, my present views are fixed upon Don Ramires Nunez de Guzman, 
Marquis of Toral, head of the Guzmans d'Abrados, another branch of the 
family. To that nobleman and his progeny by my daughter I mean to leave all 
my property, and to entail on them the title of Count d'Olivarez, with the 
additional dignity of grandee ; so that my grandchildren and their descendants, 
issue of the Abrados and Olivarez branch, will be considered as taking prece- 
dence in the house of Guzman. 

Tell me now, Santillane, added he, do you not like my project ? Excuse me, 
my lord, pleaded I, with a shrug, the design is worthy of the genius which gave 
birth to it : my only fear is, lest the Duke of Medina Sidonia should think fit 
to be out of humour at it. Let him take it as he list, resumed the minister ; I 
give myself very little concern about that. His branch is no favourite with me : 
they have choused that of Abrados out of their precedence and many of their 
privileges. I shall be far less affected by his ill humours than by the disap- 
pointment of my sister, the Marchioness de Carpio, when she sees my daughter 
slip through her son's fingers. But let that be as it may. I am determined to 
please myself, and Don Ramires shall be the man ; it is a settled point. 

My lord duke, having announced this firm resolve, did not carry it into effect 
without giving a new proof of his singular policy. He presented a memorial to 
the king, entreating him and the queen in concert, to do him the honour of 
taking the choice of a husband for his daughter on themselves, at the same 
time acquainting them with the pretensions of the suitors, and professing to 
abide by their election ; but he took care, when naming the Marquis de Toral, 
to evince clearly whither his own wishes pointed. The king, therefore, with a 
blind deference for his minister, answered thus: "I think that Don Ramires 
Nunez deserves Donna Maria : but determine for yourself. The match of your 
own choosing will be most agreeable to me. " (Signed) The King. 

The minister made a point of shewing this answer everywhere ; and affecting 
to consider it as a royal mandate, hastened his daughter's marriage with the 
Marquis de Toral ; a death-blow to the hopes of the Marchioness de Carpio, 
and the rest of the Guzmans who had been speculating on an alliance with 
Donna Maria. These rival players of a losing game, not being able to break 
off the match, put the best face they could upon it, and made the fashion- 



DEATH OF THE DAUGHTER OF OLIVAREZ. 411 

able world to resound with their costly celebrations of the event A superficial 
observer might have fancied that the whole family was delighted with the 
arrangement ; but the pouters and ill-wishers were soon revenged most cruelly 
at my lord duke's expense. Donna Maria was brought to bed of a daughter at 
the end of ten months ; the infant was still-born, and the mother died a few 
day afterwards. 

What a loss for a father who had no eyes, as one may say, but for his 
daughter, and in her loss felt the miscarriage of his design to quash the right 
of precedence in the branch of Medina Sidonia ! Stung to the quick by his 
misfortune, he shut himself up for several days, and was visible to no one but 
myself ; a sincere sympathiser, from the recollection of my own experience in 
his sorrow. The occasion drew forth fresh tears to Antonia's memory. The 
death of the Marchioness de Toral, under circumstances so similar, tore open 
a wound imperfectly skinned over, and so exasperated my affliction, that the 
minister, though he had enough to do with his own sufferings, could not help 
taking notice of mine. It seemed unaccountable how exactly his feelings were 
echoed. Gil Bias, said he one day, when my tears seemed to feed upon indul- 
gence, my greatest consolation consists in having a bosom friend so much alive 
to all my distresses. Ah ! my lord, answered I, giving him the full credit of 
my amiable tenderness, I must be ungrateful and degenerate in my nature if I 
did not lament as for myself. Can I be aware that you mourn over a daughter 
of accomplished merit, whom you loved so tenderly, without shedding tears 
of fellow-feeling ! No, my lord, I am too much naturalized to you on the 
side of obligation, not to take a permanent interest in all your pleasures and 
disappointments. 

Ch. X. — Gil Bias meets with the poet Nuriez by accident, and learns that he has 
written a tragedy, which is on the point of being brought out at the theatre 
royal. The ill fortune of the piece, and the good fortune of its author. 

The minister began to pick up his crumbs, and myself consequently to get 
into feather again, when one evening I went out alone in the carriage to take 
an airing. On the road I met the poet of the Asturias, who had been lost to 
my knowledge ever since his discharge from the hospital. He was very de- 
cently dressed. I called him up, gave him a seat in my carriage, and we drove 
together to Saint Jerome's meadow. 

Master Nunez, said I, it is lucky for me to have met you accidentally ; for 
otherwise I should not have had the pleasure .... No severe speeches, San- 
tillane, interrupted he with considerable eagerness : I must own frankly that I 
did not mean to keep up your acquaintance, and I will tell you the reason. 
You promised me a good situation provided I abjured poetry, but I have found 
a very excellent one, on condition of keeping my talents in constant play. I 
accepted the latter alternative, as squaring best with my own humour. A 
friend of mine got me an employment under Don Bertrand Gomez del Ribero, 
treasurer of the king's galleys. This Don Bertrand, wanting to have a wit in 
his pay, and finding my turn for poetical composition very much in unison with 
his own sense of what is excellent, has chosen me in preference to five or six 
authors who offered themselves as candidates for the place of his private 
secretary. 

I am delighted at the news, my dear Fabricio, said I, for this Don Bertrand 
must be very rich. Rich indeed! answered he; they say that he does not 
know himself how much he is worth. However that may be, my business 
under him is as follows. He prides himself on his turn for gallantry, at the 
same time wishing to pass for a man of genius : he therefore keeps up an epis- 



412 GIL BLAS. 



tolary intercourse of wit with several ladies who have an infinite deal, and 
borrows my brain to indite such letters as may amplify the opinion of his 
sprightliness and elegance. I write to one for him in verse, to another in 
prose, and sometimes carry the letters myself, to prove the agility of my heels 
as well as the ingenuity of my head. 

But you do not tell me, said I, what I most want to know. Are you well 
paid for your epigrammatic cards of compliment? Yes, most plentifully, an- 
swered he. Rich men are not always open-handed ; and I know some who are 
downright curmudgeons ; but Don Bertrand has behaved in the most handsome 
manner. Besides a salary of two hundred pistoles, I receive some little occa- 
sional perquisites from him, sufficient to set me above the world, and enable me 
to live on an equal footing with some choice spirits of the literary circles, who 
are willing, like myself, to set care at defiance. But then, resumed I, has 
your treasurer critical skill enough to distinguish the beauties of a performance 
from its blemishes ? The least likely man in the world, answered Nunez : a 
flippant-tongued smatterer, with a miserable assortment of materials for judging. 
Yet he gives himself out for chief justice and lord president of Apollo's tribunal. 
His decisions are adventurous, if not always lucky; while his opinions are 
maintained in so high a tone and with so bullying a challenge of infallibility, 
that nine times out of ten the issue of an argument is silence, though not con- 
viction, on the part of the opponent, as a measure of precaution against the 
gathering storm of foul language and contemptuous sneers. 

You may readily suppose, continued he, that I take especial care never to 
contradict him, though it almost exceeds human patience to forbear: for, to 
say nothing of the unpalatable phrases that might be hailed down on my de- 
fenceless head, I should stand a very good chance of being shoved by the 
shoulders out of doors. I therefore am discreet enough to approve what he 
praises, and to condemn without mitigation or appeal whatever he is pleased to 
find fault with. By this easy compliance, for poets are compelled to acquire a 
knack of knocking under to those by whom they live, not even excepting their 
booksellers, I have gained the esteem and friendship of my patron. He has 
employed me to write a tragedy on a plot of his own. I have executed it 
under his inspection ; and if the piece succeeds, a per centage on the laud and 
honour must accrue to him. 

I asked our poet what was the title of his tragedy. He informed me that 
it was "The Count of Saldagna," and that it would come out in two or three 
days. I told him that I wished it all possible success, and thought so favour- 
ably of his genius, as to entertain considerable hopes. So do I, said he, but 
hope never tells a more flattering tale than in the ear of a dramatic author. 
You might as well attempt to fix the wind by nailing the weathercock, as 
speculate on the reception of a new piece with an audience. 

At length, the day of performance arrived. I could not go to the play, being 
prevented by official business. The only thing to be done was to send Scipio, 
that he might bring me back word how it went off; for I was sincerely in- 
terested in the event. After waiting impatiently for his return, in he came 
with a long face which boded no good. Well, said I, how was "The Count 
of Saldagna " welcomed by the critics ? Very roughly, answered he ; never 
was there a play more brutally handled ; I left the house in high anger at the 
injustice and insolence of the pit. It serves him right, rejoined I. Nunez is 
no better than a madman, to be always running his head against the stone 
walls of a theatre. If he was in his senses, could he have preferred the hisses 
and catcalls of an unfeeling mob, to the ease and dignity he might have com- 
manded under my patronage? Thus did I inveigh with friendly vehemence 
against the poet of the Asturias, and disturb the even tenor of my mind for an 



FABRICIO GAINS A PENSION. 413 

event, which the sufferer hailed with joy, and inserted among the well-omened 
particulars of his journal. 

He came to see me within two days, and appeared in high spirits. Santil- 
lane, cried he, I am come to receive your congratulations. My fortune is 
made, my friend, though my play is marred. You know what a mistake they 
made on the first and last night of " The Count of Saldagna ;" hissed instead 
of applauding ! You would have thought all the wild beasts of the forest had 
been let loose, with their ears fortified against the softening power of poetry : 
but the more they bellowed, the better I fared, and they have roared me into a 
provision for life. 

There was no knowing what to make of this incident in the drama of our 
poet's adventures. What is all this, Fabricio? said I: how can theatrical 
damnation have conjured up such Elysian ecstacy? It is exactly so, answered 
he : I told you before that Don Bertrand had thrown in some of the circum- 
stances; and he was fully convinced that there was no defect but in the taste 
of the spectators. They might be very good judges ; but, if they were, he was 
no judge at all ! Nunez ! said he this morning ; 

Victrix causa Diis placuit, sed victa Catoni. * 

Your piece has been ill-received by the public ; but against that you may place 
my entire approbation ; and thus you ought to set your heart at rest. By way 
of something to balance the bad taste of the age, I shall settle an annuity of 
two thousand crowns on you : go to my solicitor, and let him draw the deed. 
We have been about it : the treasurer has signed and sealed ; my first quarter 

is paid in advance 

I wished Fabricio joy on the unhappy fate of "The Count of Saldagna," 
and probably most authors would have envied his failure more than all the 
success that ever succeeded. You are in the right, continued he, to prefer my 
fortune to my fame. What a lucky peal of disapprobation in double choir ! If 
the public had chosen to ring the changes on my merits rather than my mis- 
deeds, what would they have done for my pocket? A mere paltry nothing. 
The common pay of the theatre might have kept me from starving ; but 
the wind of popular malice has blown me a comfortable pension, engrossed on 
safe and legal parchment. 

Ch. XL — Santillane gives Scipio a situation: the latter sets out for New Spain. 

My secretary could not look at the unexpected good luck of Nunez the poet 
without envy : he talked of nothing else for a week. The whims of that bag- 
gage, Fortune, said he, are most unaccountable : she delights to turn her lottery 
wheel into the lap of a sorry author, while she deals out her disappointments 
like a step-mother to the race of good ones. I should have no objection, 
though, if she would throw me up a prize in one of her vertical progresses. 
That is likely enough to happen, said I, and sooner than you imagine. Here 
you are in her temple; for it is scarcely too presumptuous to call the house of a 
prime minister the temple of Fortune, where favours are conferred by wholesale, 
and votaries grow fat on the spoils of her altar. That is very true, sir, an- 

* Members of parliament, and the ladies, will probably expect a translation 
of these hard words ; but I refer the former to their dictionaries, to which they 
bade a long farewell on leaving Eton or Harrow ; and the latter to an extended 
paraphrase of five acts in the tragedy of Cato. Those of the softer sex who 
may think the Stoic philosophy rude and uncouth, will feel their nerves vibrate 
in unison with the love scenes. — Translator. 



414 GIL BLAS. 



swered he ; but we must have patience, and wait till the happy moment comes. 
Take my advice while it is worth having, Scipio, replied I, and make your 
mind easy : perhaps you are on the eve of some good appointment. And so it 
turned out ; for within a few days an opportunity offered of employing him ad- 
vantageously in my lord duke's service; and I did not suffer the happy mo- 
ment to pass by. 

I was engaged in chat one morning with Don Raymond Caporis, the prime 
minister's steward, and our conversation turned on the sources of his excel- 
lency's income. My lord, said he, enjoys the commanderies of all the military 
orders, yielding a revenue of forty thousand crowns a year; and he is only 
obliged to wear the cross of Alcantara. Moreover, his three offices of great 
chamberlain, master of the horse, and high chancellor of the Indies, bring him 
in an income of two hundred thousand crowns ; and yet all this is nothing in 
comparison of the immense sums which he receives through other transatlantic 
channels ; but you will be puzzled to guess how. When vessels clear out from 
Seville or Lisbon for those parts of the world, he ships wine, oil, grain, and 
other articles, the produce of his own estate ; and his consignments are duty 
free. With that perquisite in his pocket, he sells his merchandise for four 
times its current price in Spain, and then lays out the money in spices, colour- 
ing materials, and other things which cost next to nothing in the new world, 
and are sold very dear in Europe. Already has he realized some millions by 
this traffic, without detracting from the dues of his royal master. 

You will easily account for it, continued he, that the people concerned in 
carrying on this trade return with great fortunes in their pockets ; for my lord 
thinks it but reasonable that they should divide their diligence between his 
business and their own. 

That shrewd son of chance and opportunity, of whom we are speaking, over- 
heard our conversation, and could not help interrupting Don Raymond to the 
following purport. Upon my word, Signor Caporis, I should like to be one 
of those people; for I am fond of travelling, and have long wished to see 
Mexico. Your inclinations as a tourist shall soon be gratified, said the 
steward, if Signor de Santillane will not stand in the way of your wishes. 
However particular I may think it my duty to be about the persons whom I 
send to the West Indies in that capacity, and they are all of my appointment, 
you shall be placed on the list at all adventures, if your master wishes it. You 
will confer on me a particular favour, said I to Don Raymond ; be so good as 
to do it in kindness to me. Scipio is a young fellow much in my good graces, 
very capable in business, and will be found irreproachable in his conduct. In 
a word, I would as soon answer for him as myself. 

That being the case, replied Caporis, he has only to repair immediately to 
Seville : the ships are to sail for South America in a month. I shall give him 
a letter at his departure for a man who will put him in the way of making a 
fortune, without the slightest interference in his excellency's dues and profits, 
which ought to be held sacred by him. 

Scipio, delighted with his berth, was in haste to set out for Seville with a 
thousand crowns with which I furnished him, to make purchases of wine and oil 
in Andalusia, and enable him to trade on his own bottom in the West Indies. 
And yet, overjoyed as he was to make a voyage, and as he hoped his fortune 
therewithal, he could not part from me without tears : and the separation raised 
the waters even from my dry fountains. 



DON ALPHONSO DEPRIVED OF HIS GOVERNMENT. 415 



Ch. XII. — Don Alphonso de leyva comes to Madrid ; the motive of his journey 
a severe affliction to Gil Bias, and a cause of rejoicing subsequent thereon. 

No sooner had I parted with Scipio than one of the minister's pages brought 
me a note conceived in the following terms : " If Signorde Santillane will take 
the trouble of calling at the sign of Saint Gabriel, in the street of Toledo, he 
will there see a friend who is not indifferent to him." 

Who can this nameless friend possibly be ? said I to myself. What can be 
the meaning of all this mystery ? Obviously to occasion me the pleasure of a 
surprise. I attended the summons immediately, and on my arrival at the place 
appointed, was not a little astonished to find Don Alphonso de Leyva there. 
Is it possible ! exclaimed I : you here, my lord ? Yes, my dear Gil Bias, an- 
swered he with a close compression of my hand in his, it is Don Alphonso him- 
self. Well ! but what brings you to Madrid ? said I. You will be not a little 
startled, rejoined he, and no less vexed at the occasion of my journey. They 
have taken my government of Valencia from me, and the prime minister has 
sent for me to give an account of my conduct. For a whole quarter of an hour 
I was like a man stupified ; then recovering the powers of speech : Of what, 
said I, are you accused ? I know nothing at all about it, answered he ; but my 
disgrace is probably owing to a visit paid about three weeks ago to the Cardinal 
Duke of Lerma, who was banished about a month since to his seat at Denia. 

Yes, indeed ! cried I in a pet, you may well attribute your misfortune to that 
imprudent visit : there is no occasion to look out for causes and effects else- 
where ; but give me leave to say that you have not acted with your usual good 
sense, in claiming acquaintance with that favourite out of favour. The leap is 
taken, and the neck broken, said he ; and I have nothing to do but to make 
the best out of a bad bargain : I shall retire with my family to our paternal 
estate at Leyva, where the remnant of my days will glide away in peace and 
obscurity. What taunts and teases me, is the requisition of appearing before a 
haughty minister, who may receive me with all the insolence of office. How 
humiliating to the pride of a Spaniard ! And yet it is a measure of necessity ; 
but before the degrading ceremony took place, I wanted to talk it over with 
you. Sir, said I, do not announce your arrival to the minister, till I have as- 
certained the nature of the reports to your discredit ; for there are few evils 
without a remedy. Whatever may be your alleged crimes, you will give me 
leave, if you please, to act in the affair as gratitude and friendship shall dictate. 
With this assurance, I left him at his inn, and promised to let him hear from 
me soon. 

As I had taken no active part in state affairs since the two memorials, in 
which my eloquence was so signally displayed, I went to look for Carnero, with 
a view to inquire whether Don Alphonso's government was really taken from 
him. He answered in the affirmative, but professed not to know the reason. 
Finding how things stood, I determined to apply at head-quarters, and to learn 
the grounds of grievance from his lordship's own mouth. 

My spirits were really harassed ; so that there was no need of putting on 
the trappings and the suits of woe, to attract my lord duke's notice. What is 
the matter, Santillane ? said he, as soon as he saw me. I perceive a marked 
unhappiness on your countenance, and tears just ready to trickle down your 
cheeks. Has any one behaved ill to you ? Tell me, and you shall have your 
revenge. My lord, answered I, in a melancholy tone, even though my grief 
would seek to hide itself, it must have vent : my despair is past endurance. The 
report goes that Don Alphonso is no longer Governor of Valencia ; a severer 
stroke could not have been inflicted on me. What say you, Gil Bias ? replied 



4i 6 GIL BLAS. 



the minister in astonishment : what interest can you take in this Don Alphonso 
and his government ? On this question, I detailed at length my obligations to 
the Lords of Leyva, and modestly stated my own interference with the Duke of 
Lerma, to obtain the appointment for my friend. 

When his excellency had heard me through with the most polite and kind 
attention, he spoke thus : Make yourself easy, Gil Bias. Besides my entire 
ignorance of what you have just told me, I must own that I considered Don 
Alphonso as the cardinal's creature. Only put yourself in my place : was not 
the visit to his eminence a most suspicious circumstance ? Yet I am willing to 
believe that owing his preferment to that minister, he might have remembered 
him in his adversity from a motive of pure gratitude. I am sorry for having 
displaced a man who owed his elevation to you ; but if I have pulled down your 
handiwork I can build it up again. I mean to do still more than the Duke of 
Lerma for you. Your friend Don Alphonso was only Governor of Valencia ; 
I appoint him Viceroy of Arragon : you may send him word so yourself, and 
order him hither to take the oaths. 

At these words, my feelings changed from extreme grief to an excess of joy, 
which completely caricatured the mediocrity of common sense, and made me 
utter an incoherent rhapsody of thanks : but the want of method in the madness 
of my discourse was not taken amiss ; and on my hinting that Don Alphonso 
was already at Madrid, he told me that I might present him this very day. I 
ran to the sign of Saint Gabriel, and communicated my own raptures to Don 
Caesar's son, by informing him of his new appointment. He could not believe 
what I told him ; but found it a hard matter to persuade himself, that the prime 
minister, though likely enough to be very well disposed towards me, should ex- 
tend his friendship so far as to dispose of viceroyalties at my instance. I carried 
him with me to my lord duke, who received him veiy affably, complimented 
him on his uniform good conduct in his government of Valencia, and finished 
by saying that the king, considering him as qualified for a higher station, had 
named him for the viceroyalty of Arragon. Besides, added he, your family is 
of a rank not to disparage the dignity of the office ; so that the Arragonese no- 
bility will have no plea for excepting against the choice of the court. 

His excellency made no mention of me, and the public was kept in the dark 
as to my share in the business ; indeed, this prudent silence was lucky both for 
Don Alphonso and the minister, since the tongues of defamers Would have been 
busy in taking to pieces the pretensions of a viceroy who owed his preferment 
to my patronage. 

As soon as Don Caesar's son could speak with certainty of his new honours, 
he sent off an express for Valencia with the information to his father and Serci- 
phina, who soon arrived in Madrid. Their first object was to find me out, and 
ply me thick and threefold with acknowledgments. What a proud and affecting 
sight for me, to behold the three persons in the world nearest my heart, vying 
with each other in their testimonies of affection and gratitude ! The pleasure my 
zeal seemed personally to give them, was equal to the dignity conferred on their 
house by the post of viceroy. They even talked with me on a footing of equal- 
ity, and scarcely remembered my original distance or servitude in the fervour 
of their present feelings. But not to dwell on unnecessaiy topics, Don Alphon- 
so having taken the oaths and returned thanks, left Madrid with his family, to 
take up his abode at Saragossa. He made his public entry with appropriate 
magnificence ; and the Arragonese caused it to appear, by their cordial recep- 
tion, that I had a very pretty knack at picking out a viceroy. 



GIL BLAS MEETS COGOLLOS AND TORDESILLAS. 417 



Ch. XIII. — Gil Bias meets Don Gaston de Cogollos and Don Andrrai de Torde- 
sillas at the drawing-room, and adjourns with them to a more convenient place. 
The story of Don Gaston and Do?ina Helena de Galisteo concluded. Santillane 
renders some service to Tordesillas. 

I WAS up to the hilts in joy at having so marvellously metamorphosed an ex- 
governor into a viceroy ; the Lords of Leyva themselves were not primed and 
loaded so near to bursting. But very soon I had another opportunity of em- 
ploying my credit in the beaten track of friendship ; and there is the more oc- 
casion to quote these instances, that my readers may clearly discern with how 
different a man they are in company, from that graceless Gil Bias who, under 
the former ministry, carried on a shameless traffic in the honours and emolu- 
ments of the state. 

One day I was waiting in the king's ante-chamber, in conversation with some 
noblemen, who, knowing me to stand well with the prime minister, were not 
ashamed of taking me by the hand. In the crowd was Don Gaston de Cogollos, 
whom I had left a prisoner in the tower of Segovia. He was with Don An- 
drew de Tordesillas, the warden. I readily quitted my company to go and 
renew my acquaintance with my two friends. If they were astonished at the 
sight of me, I was no less so to find them here. After mutual greetings, Don 
Gaston said : Signor de Santillane, we have many inquiries to make of each 
other, and this place affords little opportunity for private intercourse ; allow me 
to request your company where we may open our hearts freely. I made no 
objection ; we pushed our way through the crowd, and left the palace. Don 
Gaston's carriage was ready waiting in the street ; we all three got into it, and 
drove to the great market-place, where the bull-fights are exhibited. There 
Cogollos lived in a veiy handsome house. 

Signor Gil Bias, said Don Andrew on our entrance, at your departure from 
Segovia you seemed to have conceived a thorough hatred against the court, and 
to have formed a settled purpose of abandoning it for ever. Such was, in fact, 
my design, answered I ; nor were my sentiments at all changed during the 
lifetime of the late king ; but Avhen the prince his son came to the throne, I 
had a mind to see whether the new monarch would know me again. He did 
so, and received me favourably, with a strong recommendation to the prime 
minister, who admitted me to his friendship, and took me more into his confi- 
dence than ever did the Duke of Derma. This, Signor Don Andrew, is my 
story. And now tell me whether you still hold your office in the tower of Se- 
govia. No, indeed ! answered he ; my lord duke has removed me, and put 
another in my room. He probably considered me as entirely devoted to his 
predecessor. And I, said Don Gaston, was set at liberty for the contrary rea- 
son ; the prime minister "was no sooner informed that my imprisonment was by 
the Duke of Lerma's order, than he ordered me to be released. The present 
business, Signor Gil Bias, is to relate the subsequent particulars of my adven- 
tures. 

The first thing I did, continued he, after thanking Don Andrew for his kind 
attentions during my confinement, was to repair to Madrid. I presented myself 
before the Count Duke of Olivarez, who said : You need not be apprehensive 
of any blemish on your character in consequence of your late misfortune ; you 
are honourably acquitted : nay, your innocence is so much the more satisfactorily 
established, as the Marquis of Villareal, with whom you were supposed to be 
implicated, was not guilty. Though a Portuguese, and related to the Duke of 
Braganza, he is less in his interests than in those of the king my master. That 
connection, therefore, ought not to have been imputed to you as a crime ; but, 



4i 8 GIL BLAS. 



to repair your wrongs, the king has given you a lieutenant's commission in the 
Spanish guards. This I accepted, begging it as a favour of his excellency to 
allow me, before I joined my regiment, to go and see my aunt, Donna Eleonora 
de Laxarilla, at Coria. The minister gave me leave of absence for a month, 
and I departed with only one servant. 

We had got beyond Colmenar, and were threading a narrow pass between 
two mountains, when we came within sight of a gentleman defending himself 
bravely against three men, who all fell upon him together. I did not hesitate 
about going to his aid ; but hastened forward and planted myself by his side. 
I remarked while we were fighting, that our enemies were masked, and that we 
had to do with expert swordsmen. But we triumphed over the united ad- 
vantages of their skill and disparity. I ran one of the three through the body ; 
he fell from his horse, and the two others immediately betook themselves to 
flight. The victoiy indeed was scarcely less fatal to us than to the wretch 
whom I had killed, for we were both dangerously wounded. But conceive my 
surprise, when I discovered the gentleman to be Combados, the husband of 
Donna Helena. He was no less astonished at recognizing me as his defender. 
Ah, Don Gaston ! exclaimed he, was it you, then, who came to my assistance ? 
When you took my part so generously, you little thought it was the person who 
had snatched your mistress from you. I really did not know it, answered I ; 
but though I had, do you think I could have wavered about doing as I have 
done ? Can you entertain so ill an opinion of me, as to believe my soul so sordid ? 
No, no, replied he ; I think better of you ; and should I die of my wounds, it 
will be my prayer that yours may not disable you from profiting by my death. 
Combados, said I, though I have not yet forgotten Donna Helena, know that 
I do not pant after the possession of her charms at the expense of your life ; so 
far from it, that I congratulate myself on having contributed to your rescue 
from assassination, since by so doing I have performed an acceptable service to 
your wife. 

While we were communing together, my servant dismounted ; and drawing 
near to the gentleman stretched at his length, took off his mask, when Com- 
bados, with sensations of gratitude for his deliverance, distinctly traced the 
features. It is Caprara, exclaimed he ; that treacherous cousin who, in mere 
disgust at having missed a rich inheritance which he had unjustly disputed with 
me, has long since cherished a murderous design against my life, and fixed on 
this day to put it in execution ; but heaven has turned him over to its determined 
vengeance, and made him the victim of his own attempt. 

While this conversation was going on, our blood was flowing at the same 
rate, and we were becoming more exhausted every minute. Nevertheless, dis- 
abled as we were, we had strength enough to reach the town of Villarejo, 
which lies within gun-shot or two from the field of battle. At the very first 
house of call we sent for surgeons. The most expert came at our summons. 
He examined our wounds, and reported them as dangerous. After taking off 
the bandages and dressing them a second time, he pronounced those of Don Bias 
to be mortal. Of mine he thought more favourably, and the event corresponded 
with his prognostic. 

Combados, finding himself consigned to the grave, thought only of due pre- 
paration for a most serious event. He sent an express to his wife, with an ac- 
count for what had happened, particularizing his present sad condition. Donna 
Helena soon arrived at Villarejo. Her mind was drawn different ways by two 
opposite occasions of distress ; the hazard of her husband's life, and the fear of 
feeling the revival of a half-extinguished flame at the sight of me. This sight 
occasioned her to experience a terrible agitation. Madam, said Don Bias, when 
she appeared in his presence, you are come just in time to receive my farewell. 



COGOLLOS MARRIES DONNA HELENA. 419 

I am at the point of death, and I consider my fate as a punishment from heaven 
for having taken you from Don Gaston by a feint : far from murmuring at it, I 
exhort you with my last breath to restore to him a heart which I had stolen 
from him. Donna Helena answered him only by her tears : and indeed it was 
the best answer she could make ; for she had neither forgotten her first love, 
nor the artifices whereby she had been influenced to renounce her plighted 
faith. 

It happened as the surgeon had anticipated, that in less than three days 
Combados died of his wounds, while mine on the contrary wore the appear- 
ance of convalescence. The young widow, whom no earthly considerations 
could detach from the care of transporting her late husband's remains to Coria, 
that they might be deposited with due honours in the family vault, left Villa - 
rejo on her return, after inquiring, merely as a matter of course, how I was going 
on. As soon as I was well enough to be removed, I bent my course to Coria, 
where my recovery was soon ascertained. My aunt, Donna Eleonora, and 
Don George de Galisteo, were determined that my marriage with Helena should 
take place forthwith, lest some new caprice of fortune should part us once more. ! 
The ceremony was privately performed, on account of the late melancholy event, 
and within a few days I returned to Madrid with Donna Helena. As my leave 
of absence had expired, I was afraid lest the minister should have superseded 
me in my lieutenancy ; but he had not filled up the vacancy, and received my 
apologies very graciously. 

Thus am I, continued Cogollos, lieutenant of the Spanish guards, and my 
situation is exactly to my mind. The circle of my friends is respectable and 
pleasant, and I live at my ease among them. Would I could say as much ! ex- 
claimed Don Andrew : but I am very far from being satisfied with my lot ; I 
have lost my appointment, which was not without its advantages, and have no 
friends of sufficient interest to procure me a better berth. Excuse me, Signor 
Don Andrew, cried I, with a sort of upbraiding smile, you have a friend in me 
who may chance to be better than no friend at all. I have told you already 
that I am a greater favourite with my lord duke than with the Duke of Lerma ; 
and will you tell me to my face that you have no interest at court ? Have you 
not already experienced the contrary ? Recollect that, through the archbishop 
of Grenada's powerful recommendation, I procured you a nomination for Mexico, 
where you would have made your fortune, if love had not stepped in and mar- 
red it at Alicant. My means are now more extensive, since I have the ear of 
the prime minister. I give myself up to you then, replied Tordesillas ; but do 
not send me into New Spain, though the first appointment in the colonies were 
at your disposal. 

Here we were interrupted by Donna Helena, who came into the room, and 
improved even upon the visions of my fancy by the reality of her charms. Co- 
gollos introduced me as the companion who had solaced the tedious hours of his 
imprisonment. Yes, madam, said I to Donna Helena, my conversation did indeed 
soothe his sorrows, for it turned on you. The compliment was not thrown 
away, and I took my leave with repeated congratulations. With respect to 
Tordesillas, I assured him that within a week he should know how far my power 
as well as will extended. 

Nor were these mere words. On the very next day, the opportunity occurred. 
Santillane, said his excellency, the place of governor in the royal prison of Val- 
ladolid is vacant it is worth more than three hundred pistoles a year ; and is 
yours if you will accept of it. Not if it were worth ten thousand ducats, an- 
swered I, for it would carry me away from your lordship. But, replied the 
minister, you may fill it by deputy, and only visit occasionally. That is as it 
maybe, rejoined I ; but I shall only accept it on condition of resigning in favour 



4 20 GIL BLAS. 



of Don Andrew de Tordesillas, a brave and loyal gentleman ; I should like to 
give him this place in acknowledgment of his kindness to me in the tower of 
Segovia. 

This plea made the minister laugh heartily, and say : As far as I see, Gil Bias, 
you mean to make yourself a general patron. Even so be it, my friend ; the 
vacancy is yours for Tordesillas ; but tell me unfeignedly what fellow-feeling 
you have in the business, for you are not such a fool as to throw away your in- 
terest for nothing. My lord, answered I, Don Andrew charged me nothing for 
all his acts of friendship, and should not a man repay his obligations ? You 
are become highly moral and self-mortified, replied his excellency ; rather more 
so than under the last administration. Precisely so, rejoined I; then evil 
communication corrupted my principles ; bargain and sale were the order of the 
day, and I conformed to the established practice : now, all preferment is allotted 
on the footing of a meritorious free gift, and my integrity shall not be the last 
to fall in with the fashion. 

Ch. XIV. — Santillane' 's visit to poet Nimez, the company and conversation. 

One day, after dinner, a fancy seized me to go and see the poet of the Asturias, 
feeling a sort of curiosity to know on what floor he lodged. I repaired to the 
house of Signor Don Bertrand Gomez del Ribero, and asked for Nunez. He 
does not live here now, said the porter, but over the way, in apartments at the 
back of the house. I went thither, and crossing a small court, entered an un- 
furnished parlour, where my friend Fabricio was sitting at table, doing the 
honours to five or six guests from the hamlet and liberty of Parnassus. 

They were at the latter end of a feast, and of course at the beginning of an 

affray ; but as soon as they perceived me, a dead silence succeeded to their 

obstreperous argumentation. Nunez rose from his seat with much pomp and 

I circumstance of politeness to receive me, saying : Gentlemen, Signor de Santil- 

I lane! He does me the honour to visit me under this humble roof; as the 

• favourite of the prime minister, you will all join with me in tendering your 

humble services. At this introduction, the worshipful company got up and 

J made their best bows ; for my rank could not fail of procuring me respect from 

! the manufacturers of dedications. Though I was neither hungry nor thirsty, it 

j was impossible not to sit down and drink a toast in such society. 

My presence appearing to be a restraint, Gentlemen, said T, it should seem that 
| I have interrupted your conversation : resume it, or you drive me away. My 
learned friends, said Fabricio, were discussing the "Iphigenia" of Euripides. 
The bachelor, Melchior de Villegas, a clever man of the first rank in the repub- 
lic of letters, resumed the topic by asking Don Jacinto de Romerate which was 
the point of interest in that tragedy. Don Jacinto ascribed it to the imminent 
danger of Iphigenia. The bachelor contended, offering to prove his proposi- 
tion by all the evidence admissible at the bar of logic or criticism, that the 
danger of a trumpery girl had nothing to do with the real sympathy of that 
affecting piece. What has to do with it then ? bawled the old licentiate Gabriel 
of Leon indignantly. It turns with the wind, replied the bachelor. 

The whole company burst into a shout of laughter at this assertion, which 
they were far from considering as serious ; and I myself thought that Melchior 
had only launched it by way of adding the zest of wit to the severity of critical 
discussion. But I was out in my calculation respecting the character of that 
eminent scholar : he had not a grain of sprightliness or pleasantry in his whole 
composition. Laugh as you please, gentlemen, replied he, very coolly; I 
maintain that there is no circumstance but the wind, unless it be the weather- 
cock, to interest, to strike, to rouse the passions of the spectator. Figure to 



GIL BIAS VISITS THE POET NUNEZ. 421 

yourselves a multitudinous army, assembled for the purpose of laying siege to 
Troy ; take into account the eager haste of the officers and common men to 
carry their enterprise into execution, that they may return with their best legs 
foremost into Greece, where they have left everything most dear to them, their 
household gods, their wives and their children : all this while a mischievous 
wind from the wrong quarter keeps them port-bound at Aulis, and, as it were, 
drives a nail into the very head of the expedition ; so that till better weather, 
it was impossible to go and lay siege to Priam's town. Wind and weather 
therefore make up the interest of this tragedy. My good wishes are with the 
Greeks : my whole faculties are wrapped up in the success of their design ; the 
sailing of their fleet is with me the only hinge of the fable, and I look at the 
danger of Iphigenia with somewhat of a self-interested complacency, because 
by her death the winding up of the story into a brisk and favourable gale was 
likely to be accelerated. 

As soon as Villegas had finished his criticism, the laugh burst out more than 
ever, at his expense. Nunez was sly enough to side with him, that a fairer 
scope and broader mark might be presented to the shafts of malicious wit 
which were let fly from all the quarters in the shipman's card, at this poster of 
the sea and land. But the bachelor, eyeing them all with sublime indifference 
and supreme contempt, gave them to understand how low in the list of the 
ignorant and vulgar they ranked in his estimation. Every moment did I expect 
to see these vapouring spirits kindle into a blaze, and wage war against the 
hairy honours of each other's brainless skulls : but the joke was not carried to 
that length; they confined their hostilities to opprobrious epithets, and took 
their leave when they had eaten and drunk as much as they could get. 

After their departure, I asked Fabricio why he had separated himself from 
his treasurer, and whether they had quarrelled. Quarrelled ! answered he : 
Heaven defend me from such a misfortune ! I am on better terms than ever 
with Signor Don Bertrand, who gave his consent to my living apart from him : 
here therefore I receive my friends, and take my pleasure with them unmolested. 
You know very well that I am not of a temper to lay up treasures for those 
who are to come after me j and as it happens luckily, I am now in circumstances 
to give my little classical entertainments every day. I am delighted at it, my 
dear Nunez, replied I, and once more wish you joy on the success of your last 
tragedy : the great Lope, by his eight hundred dramatic pieces, never made a 
quarter of the money which you have got by the damnation of your " Count 
de Saldagna." 



BOOK THE TWELFTH. 

Ch. I. — Gil Bias sent to Toledo by the minister. The purpose of his journey 
and its success. 

For nearly a month his excellency had been saying to me every day : Santillane, 
the time is approaching, when I shall call your choicest powers of address into 
action ; but the time that was coming never came. It is a long lane, however, 
where there is no turning ; and his excellency at length spoke to me nearly as 
follows : They say that there is, in the company of comedians at Toledo, a 
young actress of much note for her personal and professional fascinations ; it is 
affirmed that she dances and sings like all the muses and graces put together, 
and that the whole theatre rings with applause at her performance : to these 



422 GIL BLAS. 



perfections is added matchless and irresistible beauty. Such a star should only- 
shine within the circle of a court. The king has a taste for the stage, for 
music, and for dancing : nor must he be debarred from the pleasure of seeing 
and hearing such a prodigy. I have determined on sending you to Toledo, 
that you may judge for yourself whether she really is so extraordinary an actress : 
on your feeling of her merit my measures shall be taken ; for I have unlimited 
confidence in your discernment. 

I undertook to bring his lordship a good account of this business, and made 
my arrangements for setting out with one servant, but not in the minister's 
liver) 7 , by way of conducting matters more warily ; and that precaution relished 
well with his excellency. On my arrival at Toledo, I had scarcely alighted at 
the inn, when the landlord, taking me for some country gentleman, said : 
Please your honour, you are probably come to be present at the august cere- 
mony of an Auto da Fe to-morrow. I answered in the affirmative, the more 
completely to mislead him, and keep my own counsel. You will see, replied 
he, one of the prettiest processions you ever saw in your life : there are said to 
be more than a hundred prisoners, and ten of them are to be roasted. 

In good truth, next morning, before sun-rise, I heard all the bells in the 
town peal merrily ; and the design of their bob-majors was to acquaint the 
people that the pastime was about to begin. Curious to see what sort of a 
recreation it was, I dressed in a hurry, and posted to the scene of action. All 
about that quarter, and along the streets where the procession was to pass, 
were scaffolds, on one of which I purchased a standing. The Dominicans 
walked first, preceded by the banner of the Inquisition. These Christian fathers 
were immediately followed by the hapless victims of the holy office, selected 
for this day's burnt-offering. These devoted wretches walked one by one, with 
their head and feet bare, each of them with a taper in his hand, and a fiery, 
not baptismal godfather by his side. Some had large yellow scapularies, 
worked with crosses of St Andrew, in red; others wore sugar-loaf caps of 
paper, illustrated with flames, and diabolical figures of all sorts by way of 
emblem. 

As I looked narrowly at these objects of religious gaze, with a compassion in 
my heart which might have been construed criminal, had it run over from my 
eyes, I fancied that the reverend Father Hilary and his companion brother 
Ambrose were among those who figured in the sugar-loaf caps. They passed 
too near for me to be deceived. What do I see? thought I inwardly : heaven, 
wearied out with the wicked lives of these two scoundrels, has given them up 
to the justice of the Inquisition ! My whole frame trembled at the thought, and 
my spirits were scarcely equal to support me from fainting. My connection with 
these knaves, the adventure at Xelva, all our pranks in partnership rushed 
upon my memory, and I did not know how sufficiently to thank God for having 
preserved me from St Andrew's crosses and the painted devils on the paper 
caps. 

When the ceremony was over, I returned to the inn, with my heart sick- 
ening at the dreadful sight ; but painful impressions soon wear away, and I 
thought only of my commission and its due accomplishment. I waited with 
impatience for play-time, as the moment and scene of my commencing opera- 
tions. On the opening of the doors I repaired to the theatre, and took my 
seat next to a knight of Alcantara. We soon got into chat. Sir, said I, the 
players here have been represented to me in very favourable terms : may I give 
credit to general report ? The company is not contemptible, replied the knight : 
they have some first-rate performers ; among the rest, the peerless Lucretia, 
an actress of fourteen, who will astonish you : and she plays one of her best 
parts to-night. 



THE INTERVIEW OF GIL BLAS WITH LAURA. 423 

On the drawing up of the curtain, two actresses came on, with every advan- 
tage of dress and stage effect : but neither of them could possibly be the object 
of my search. At length Lucretia made her appearance at the back scene, and 
walked forwards amidst a thunder of applause. Ah ! this is she, indeed ! 
thought I ? and a delicate specimen of loveliness, as I am a sinner ! In her 
very first speech she proved herself a child of nature, with energy and concep- 
tion far above her years ; and the approbation of a provincial audience was 
confirmed by my metropolitan judgment. The knight was happy to find I 
liked her, and assured me that if I had heard her sing, my ears might have 
rejoiced to the sorrow of my heart. Her dancing, too, he represented as not less 
formidable to the free will of lordly man. I inquired what youth, blessed as 
the immortal gods, had the exquisite happiness of bringing himself to beggary 
for so sweet a girl. She is under no avowed protection, said he ; and scandal 
has not coupled her name with private licence ; but Lucretia must take care of 
herself, for she is under the wing of her aunt Estella ; and there is not an actress 
in the company so warmly fledged for hatching the tender passions into life. 

At the name of Estella, I inquired with some eagerness who she was. One 
of our best performers, said my informant. She does not play to-night, to our 
great loss, for her cast is that of abigails, and she humours them to perfection. 
A little too broad, perhaps, but that is a fault on the right side. From the 
features of the description, there could be no doubt but this must be Laura ; 
that lady so notorious in these memoirs, whom I left at Grenada. 

To make assurance doubly sure, I went behind the scenes after the play. 
There she was, in the green-room, flirting with some men of fashion, who pro- 
bably endured the aunt for the sake of the niece. I came up to pay my devo- 
tions ; but whim, or perhaps revenge for my cutting and running from Grenada, 
determined her to put on the stranger, and receive my compliments with so 
discouraging a coldness, as to throw me into some little confusion. Instead of 
laughing it off, I was fool enough to be angry, and withdrew in a choleric 
determination to return next day. Laura shall smart for this ! said I ; • her 
niece shall not appear at court ; I will tell the minister that she dances like a 
she bear, has formed her bravura between the scream of a pea-hen and the 
cackle of a goose, acts like a puppet, and comprehends like an idiot. 

Such was my scheme of revenge, but it proved abortive. Just as I was going 
out of town, a footboy brought me the following note : "Forget and forgive, 
and follow the bearer." I obeyed, and found Laura at her dressing-table in 
very elegant apartments near the theatre. 

She rose to welcome me, saying : Signor Gil Bias, you have every reason to 
be offended at your reception behind the scenes, which was out of character 
between such old friends, but I really was most abominably disconcerted. Just 
as you came up, one of our gentlemen had brought me some scandalous stories 
about my niece, whose honour has always been dearer to me than my own. 
On coming to myself, I immediately sent my servant to find you out, with the 
intention of making you amends to-day. You have done so already, my clear 
Laura, said I, let us therefore talk over old times. You may remember that I 
left you in a very ticklish predicament, when conscience and the fear of punish- 
ment drove me so precipitately from Grenada. How did you get off with your 
Portuguese lover ? Easily enough, answered Laura : do not you know that in 
those cases men_are mere fools, and acquit us women without even calling for 
our defence ? 

I faced the Marquis of Marialva out, that you were my very brother, and 
drew upon my impudence for the support of my credit. Do you not see, said 
I to my Portuguese dupe, that this is all the contrivance of jealousy and rage ? 
My rival, Narcissa, infuriated at my possession of a heart which she had vainly 



424 GIL BLAS. 



attempted to gain, has bribed the candle-snuffer to assert that he has seen me 
as Arsenia's waiting-woman at Madrid. It is an abominable falsehood ; the 
widow of Don Antonio Coello has always been too high in her notions, to be 
the hanger-on of a theatrical mistress. Besides, what completely disproves the 
whole allegation, is my brother's precipitate retreat : if he were here, it would 
be a subject of evidence ; but Narcissa must have devised some stratagem to 
get him out of the way. 

These reasons, continued Laura, were not the most convincing in the world, 
but they did very well for the marquis ; and that good, easy nobleman conti- 
nued his confidence till his return to Portugal. This happened soon after your 
departure ; and Zapata's wife had the pleasure of seeing me lose what she could 
not win. After this, I stayed some years longer at Grenada, till the company 
was broken up in consequence of some squabbles, which will take place in 
mimic as well as in real life : some went to Seville, others to Cordova ; and I 
came to Toledo, where I have been for these ten years with my niece Lucretia, 
whose performance you must have seen last night. 

This was too much to be taken gravely. Laura inquired why I laughed. 
Can that be a question ? said I. You have neither brother nor sister, one or 
other of which is a necessary ingredient in an aunt. Besides, when I calculate 
in my mind the lapse of time since our last separation, and compare that period 
with the age of your niece, it is more than possible that your relationship may 
be in a nearer degree of kin. 

I understand you, replied Don Antonio's widow, with something like a moral 
tinge of red in her cheek ; you are an accurate chronologist ! There is no garb- 
ling facts in defiance of your memory. Well, then ! Lucretia is my daughter by 
the Marquis of Marialva : it was extremely wrong, but I cannot conceal it from 
you. The confession must indeed be a shock to your modesty, said I, after 
telling me yourself what pranks you played with the hospital steward at Zamora. 
I must tell you moreover that Lucretia is an article of so superior a quality as 
to render you a public benefactor by having thrown her into the market. It 
were to be wished that the stolen embraces of all your fraternity might be bless- 
ed with fruitfulness, if they could secure to themselves a patent for breeding after 
your sample. 

Should any sarcastic reader, comparing this passage with some circumstances 
related while I was the marquis's secretary, suspect me of being entitled to dis- 
pute the honours of paternity with that nobleman, I blush to say, that my claims 
are entirely out of the question. 

I laid open my principal adventures to Laura in my turn, as well as the pre- 
sent state of my affairs. She listened with interest, and said : Friend Santil- 
lane, you seem to play a principal part on the stage of the world, and I con- 
gratulate you most heartily. Should Lucretia be engaged at Madrid, I flatter 
myself she will find a powerful protector in Signor de Santillane. Doubt it 
not, answered I : your daughter may have her engagement whenever you please ; 
I can promise you that, without p esuming too much on my interest. I take 
you at your word, replied Laura, und would set out to-morrow, were I not un- 
der articles to this company. An order from court will cut the knot of any ar- 
ticles, rejoined I ; and that I take upon myself : you shall have it within a week. 
It is an act of chivalry to rescue Lucretia from Toledo : such a pretty little 
actress belongs to the royal court, as parcel of the manor. 

Lucretia came into the room just as I was talking of her. The goddess Hebe 
herself never looked better in her best days : it was nature in the bud, exhaling 
the sweets of her earliest bloom, but promising a more luxuriant waste of trea- 
sure. She was just up ; and her natural beauty, without the aid of art, com- 
municated the most rapturous sensations. Come, niece, said her mother, thank 



LAURA AND LUC RETT A COME TO MADRID. 425 

the gentleman for all his kindness to us : he is an old friend of mine, who ranks 
high at court, and undertakes to get us both an engagement at the theatre royal. 
The little girl seemed to be much pleased, and made me a low curtsey, saying 
with an enchanting smile : I most humbly thank you for your obliging inten- 
tion ; but, by taking me from a partial audience, are you certain that I shall 
not be looked down upon by that of Madrid ? I may but lose by the exchange. 
I remember hearing my aunt say, that she has seen players most favourably re- 
ceived in one town, and hissed off the stage in another ; this absolutely frightens 
me ; beware therefore of exposing me to the derision of the court, and yourself 
to its reproaches. Lovely Lucretia, answered I, we have neither of us anything 
to fear ; I am rather apprehensive lest, by the havoc you will make among 
hearts, you should excite rival ships and kindle discord among the courtiers. My 
niece's fears, said Laura, are better founded than yours ; but I hope they will 
both prove vain : however feeble may be Lucretia's charms of person, her ta- 
lents as an actress are at least above mediocrity. 

We continued the conversation for some time : and I could gather, from 
Lucretia's share in it, that she was a girl of superior talents. On taking leave, 
I assured them that they should immediately receive a summons to Madrid. 

Ch. II. — Santii/ane makes his report to the minister, who commissions him to 
send for Lucretia. The first appearance of that actress before the court. 

On my return, I found my lord duke impatient to be informed of my success. 
Have you seen her ? said he : is she worth transplanting ? My lord, answered 
I, fame, which generally runs beyond all discretion in its report of beauty, has 
erred on the side of parsimony in its estimate of the matchless young Lucretia ; 
she is all that youthful poets fancy when they feign, for personal attractions, 
and all that veteran managers seek when they sign articles, in scenic qualifica- 
tions. 

Is it possible ? exclaimed the minister with a satisfaction which involuntarily 
peeped out at his eyes, and made me think he had some selfish hankerings after 
the article of my marketing at Toledo ; is it possible ? and is she really so 
charming a creature ? When you see her, replied I, you will own that any ver- 
bal picture of her perfections must be altogether inadequate to their due descrip- 
tion. His excellency then requiring a minute account of my journey, I gave 
him all the particulars, not excepting Laura's story, and Lucretia's parentage. 
His lordship was delighted at the latter circumstance, and enjoined me, with a 
cordial compliment on my skill in such delicate negociations, to finish as auspi- 
ciously as I had begun my undertaking. 

I went to look for Carnero, and told him that it was his excellency's pleasure 
he should make out an order for the admission of Estella and Lucretia, actresses 
from the Toledo theatre, into his majesty's compar". Say you so, Signor de 
Santillane ? answered Carnero with a sarcastic 7 e~er ; you shall not be kept long 
in suspense, since you take so marked an int ^rest in the fortunes of these two 
ladies. He expedited the order in my presence, and within a week the mother 
and daughter sent me notice of their arrival. I immediately hastened to their 
lodging near the theatre, and after an interchange of thanks on their part, and 
assurances of continued support on mine, left them with my best wishes for a 
brilliant career of success. 

Their names were announced in the bills as two new actresses, engaged by 
the special mandate of the court. They made their first appearance in a play, 
which they had been accustomed to perform in at Toledo with loud and 
unanimous applause. 

Novelty is the very life and soul of theatrical entertainments. The house was 



426 GIL BLAS. 



uncommonly crowded, and I of course was among the audience. I was rather 
frightened before the curtain drew up. Prejudiced as I was in favour of the 
candidates, my alarm was in proportion to my interest. But when once they 
were fairly on the boards, the din of welcome quieted all my apprehensions. 
Estella was considered as a first-rate actress in comic parts, and Lucretia as a 
female Roscius in heroines and love-sick damsels. But the love which she 
feigned herself, she really kindled in the hearts of the spectators. Some ad- 
mired the beauty of her eyes, others were touched with the plaintive sweetness 
of her voice, and all, bowing to the triumph of youth, vivacity, and elegance, 
went away in raptures with her person. 

My lord duke, who took an uncommon interest in this theatrical event, was at 
the play that evening. I saw him leave his box at the end of the piece, with 
evident approbation of our new performers. Curious to know whether they 
equalled his expectations, I followed him home, and into his closet, saying : 
Well, my lord, is your excellency well pleased with little Marialva ? My excel- 
lency, answered he with a sly smile, must be very difficult to be pleased, not to 
confirm the public voice : yes, indeed, my good friend, I am enraptured with 
your Lucretia, and firmly believe that the king will not see her without emotion. 



Ch. Ill 



— Lucretia 's popularity; her appearance before the king ; his passion, 
and its consequences. 



Great was the noise about the court on this double acquisition to the theatre ; 
it became the topic of conversation next day at the king's levee. The young 
Lucretia was most in the mouths of the nobility, who described her so feelingly, 
that his majesty could not but imbibe the impression, though he was too politic 
to express his interest either in words or by looks. 

To make amends for that restraint, he questioned the minister as soon as he 
was alone with him, who stated the success of a young actress from Toledo on 
the evening before. Her name, added he, is Lucretia ; and it is really a pity 
that ladies of her profession should ever have been christened by any less chaste 
appellative. She is an acquaintance of Santillane, who spoke so highly of her, 
that I thought it right to engage her for your majesty's company. The king 
smiled at the mention of my name, recollecting, perhaps, thnr ' what channel 
he became acquainted with Catalina, and foreboding a like t*~ .stance on the 
present occasion. Count, said he to the minister, I mean to see this Lucretia 
act to-morrow, and will thank you to let her know it. 

I was of course sent with this intelligence to the two actresses. Great news ! 
said I to Laura, whom I saw first : you will have the sovereign of the Spanish 
monarchy among your audience to-morrow, as the minister has desired me to 
inform you. I cannot doubt but you will both of you do your best to prove 
yourselves worthy of a royal command ; but I would advise you to choose a 
piece with music and dancing, that all Lucretia' s accomplishments may be dis- 
played at one view. We will take your counsel, answered Laura, and it shall 
not be our faults if his majesty is disappointed. That can scarcely happen, 
said I, seeing Lucretia come into the room in an undress, which shewed her 
person to more advantage than all the wardrobe of the theatre : he will be the 
more delighted with your lovely niece, because dancing and music are his prin- 
cipal pleasures : he may even be tempted to throw her the handkerchief. I do 
not at all wish, replied Laura, that he should be that way inclined ; all-powerful 
monarch as he is, he might not find the accomplishment of his desires so easy. 
Lucretia, though brought up behind the scenes, is not without virtuous princi- 
ples ; whatever pleasure she may take in applause and professional reputation, 



THE KING'S PASSION FOR LUCRE TIA. 427 

she had much rather preseive the character of a good girl, than establish that of 
a great actress. 

Aunt, said little Marialva, joining in the conversation, why conjure up mon- 
sters only to lay them again ? I shall never be at a loss to repel the king's ad- 
vances, because his taste is too refined to stoop so low. But, charming Lucretia, 
said I, if such a thing should happen, would you be cruel enough to let him 
languish like a common lover? Why not? answered she. Setting virtue aside, 
my vanity would be more flattered by my own resistance than by the tribute 
of his affection. I was not a little surprised to hear a pupil of Laura's school 
talk so properly, and to find that with so free an education she imbibed such 
unusual principles of morality. 

The king, impatient to see Lucretia, went to the play next evening. The 
piece was got up with music and dancing, to shew our young actress off to the 
best advantage. My eyes were fixed on his majesty; but he completely eluded 
my penetration by an obstinate gravity. On the following day, the minister 
said : Santillane, I have just been with the king, who has been talking about 
Lucretia, with so much animation, that I doubt not but he is smitten : and, as I 
told him that you had sent for her from Toledo, he expressed a wish to confer 
with you in private on the subject : orders are given for your admittance ; run, 
and bring me back an account of what passes. 

I flew to the palace, and found the king alone. He was walking up and 
down, in much apparent perplexity. He put several questions to me about 
Lucretia, made me relate her history, and then asked whether the little jade 
had not been tampering with chastity already. I boldly assured him to the 
contrary, though such pledges were somewhat hazardous in general ; but mine 
was taken, and gave the prince much pleasure. If so, replied he, I select you 
for my agent with Lucretia ; let her become acquainted with her triumph from 
your lips. He then put a box of jewels into my hand, worth fifty thousand 
crowns, with a message begging her acceptance of them, and promising more 
substantial proofs of his affection. 

Before I went on my errand, I reported progress to my lord duke. That 
minister, I thought, would be more vexed than rejoiced at it ; supposing that he 
had his own views of gallantry towards Lucretia, and would learn with regret 
the rivalship of his master ; but I was mistaken. Far from appearing chagrined, 
his joy was so excessive, that it would ooze out at his tongue, in words which 
were not quite lost on the hearer. " Indeed, friend Philip ! then I have you in 
my clutches : while your pleasures lead you, your business must be left to me ! " 
This side speech explained to me the plot ; an amorous prince, and a long- 
headed minister! My orders were to execute my commission as speedily as 
possible, with the assurance that the first lord in the land would be proud to 
stand in my shoes. Besides, there was no pimp of rank, as in the former case, 
to seize the profit and leave the infamy with me ; the honour and emolument 
were now exclusively my own. 

Thus did his excellency relish the ingredients of pandarism to my palate ; 
and I tasted them with the greediness, but not without the qualms of an epicure; 
for since my imprisonment I had become regenerate, and did not take pride in 
dirty work, because my employer washed his hands in perfumed water. But 
though conscience was awake, interest was not asleep. I was no longer a villain 
for the fun of it ; but my compliance would confirm my footing with the minis- 
ter, and him it was my duty, at all events, to please. 

My first appeal was to Laura in private. I opened the negociation delicately, 
and presented my credentials in the form of the jewel-box. The lady was thrown 
off her guard by the display. Signor Gil Bias, cried she, you are one of my 
oldest friends, and I must not play the hypocrite : straitlaced morals are incon- 



428 GIL BLAS. 



sistent with the discipline of my sect Nothing can be more delightful to me 
than a conquest, which throws such a game into our hands. But, between our- 
selves, I am afraid Lucretia is not so enlightened as we are ; though a daughter 
of Thalia, she has taken the better-behaved goddesses for her school-mistresses, 
and given a rebuff to two young noblemen of amiable manners and large for- 
tunes. They were not kings, you will say, and truly we may hope that Lucre- 
tia's virtue will be too undisciplined to stand a royal siege ; but you must re- 
member the event is hazardous, and I shall not interpose my authority to compel 
her. If, far from thinking herself honoured by the fleeting passion of the king, 
she should revolt from his advances with disdain, let not our illustrious sovereign 
be offended at her reserve. But do you come back hither to-morrow, and carry 
back either the jewels, or a return of affection. 

I had no doubt but Laura would tutor Lucretia in the school of time-serving 
morality, and depended much on her instruction. It was therefore no small 
surprise to find that Laura worked as much against wind and tide to launch her 
daughter into the trade-wind of evil, as other maternal pilots to set the sails of 
theirs in the contrary monsoon of good ; and what is still more unaccountable, 
Lucretia, after tasting of royal delights, was so completely surfeited with the 
banquet as to throw herself at once into the arms of the church, where she pro- 
fessed, fell sick, and died of grief. Laura, disconsolate for the loss of her daugh- 
ter, and the part she herself had acted in the tragedy, retired into a convent of 
female penitents, and did penance for the unhallowed pleasures of her former 
life. The king was affected by his sudden loss, but soon found comfort in some 
other pursuit. The premier talked little on the subject, but thought so much 
the more, as the reader will easily believe. 

Ch. IV. — Santillatie in a new office. 

My feelings were all alive to Lucretia's ill fate, and my own infamy in having • 
contributed to it. The royal wants of the lover were no excuse for my taking 
the post of cheapener, and I determined to resign the staff of office in that de- 
partment, entreating the minister to employ me in some other. He was charmed 
with my nice sense of honour, and promised to comply with my scruples, laying 
open his inmost heart in the following speech. 

Some years before I was in office, chance threw me across a lady of such 
shape and beauty as induced me to trace her home. I learned that she was a 
Genoese, by name Donna Margarita Spinola, supporting herself at Madrid on 
the income arising from her beauty. It was reported that Don Francisco de Va- 
leasar, an officer about the court, a rich man, an old man, and a married man, 
laid out his money very freely on this hazardous speculation. These rumours 
ought to have deterred me ; but they only whetted my desires to share with 
Valeasar. To gain my end, I had recourse to a female broker of tenderness, 
who adjusted the terms of a private interview with the Genoese ; and the price 
current being settled, the traffic was frequently repeated ; it was an open market 
for my rival and me, or possibly for many other bidders. 

Let that be as it may, a choice boy was in the fulness of time produced to 
the club, and the mother complimented every member individually in private 
with the credit : but we were each of us too modest to acknowledge a bantling 
which had so probable a claim upon a better father; so that the Genoese was 
compelled to maintain him on the profits of her profession : this she did for 
eighteen years, and dying at the end of that period, has left her son without a 
farthing, and what is worse, without an idea or an accomplishment. 

Such, continued his lordship, is the confidence I meant to repose in you, 
and I shall now lay open the great design I have formed, to draw this unfor- 



DON GUZMAN ADOPTED BY OLIVAREZ. 429 

tunate child from his obscurity, reverse the colour of his fate, raise him to the 
highest honours, and acknowledge him as my son. 

At so extravagant a project it was impossible not to be open-mouthed. What, 
sir, exclaimed 1, can your excellency have adopted so strange a resolution ? 
Excuse my freedom ; but my zeal cannot restrain itself. You will be of my 
mind, replied he with eagerness, when I shall have explained to you my mo- 
tives. I have no mind that my estates should descend in the collateral line. 
You will tell me, that I am not so old as to despair of having children by 
Madame d'Olivarez. But every one is best judge of his own condition : know 
therefore that there is not a receipt in the whole extent of chemistry which I 
have not tried, but without effect, to appear once again in the character of a 
father. Wherefore, since fortune, stepping in to cover the defects of nature, 
presents me with a child whose parent after all I may actually be, he is mine by 
adoption ; that is a settled point. 

When I found the minister determined, I no longer argued against his resolu- 
tion, as knowing him to be a man who would rather do a foolish act of his own, 
than adopt a wise suggestion of another. It only remains now, added he, to 
educate Don Henry Philip de Guzman ; for by that name I intend him to be 
known in the world, till the time arrives when he may aspire to higher dignities. 
You, my dear Santillane, I have chosen to superintend his conduct : I have full 
confidence in your talents and friendship, to regulate his household, direct his 
studies, and make him an accomplished gentleman. I would willingly have 
declined the office, as never having exercised the craft of a pedagogue, which 
required much more genius and solidity than mine ; but he shut my mouth by 
saying it was his absolute determination that I should be tutor to this adopted 
son, whom he designed for the first offices of the monarchy. As a bribe for 
my compliance, his lordship increased my little income with a pension of a 
thousand crowns on the commandery of Mambra. 

Ch. V. — The son of the Genoese is acknowledged by a legal instrument, and 
named Don Henry Philip de Guzman. Santillane establishes his household, 
and arranges the course of his studies. 

The act of adoption was soon legalized with the king's consent and good 
pleasure. Don Henry Philip de Guzman, as this descendant from a committee 
of fathers was named, became acknowledged successor to the earldom of Oli- 
varez and the duchy of San Lucar. The minister, to give the act all possible 
publicity, communicated it through Carnero to the ambassadors and grandees 
of Spain, who were somewhat startled. The jokers of Madrid were not in- 
sensible to the ridicule, and the satirical poets made their harvest of so fine a 
subject for their pen. 

I asked my lord duke where my pupil was. Here in town, answered he, 
with an aunt from whom I shall remove him as soon as you have got a house 
ready. This I did immediately, and furnished it magnificently. When my 
establishment was complete in servants and officers, his excellency sent for this 
equivocal production, this spurious offset from the renowned stock of the Guz- 
mans. The lad was tall and personable. Don Henry, said his lordship, point- 
ing to me, this gentleman is to be your tutor and introduce you into the world ; 
he has my entire confidence, and an unlimited authority over you. After much 
good advice, and many compliments to me, the minister retired, and I took Don 
Henry home. 

As soon as we got thither, I introduced him to his household, and explained 
the nature of each individual's employment. He did not seem at all discon- 
certed at the change of circumstances, but received the obeisances of his de- 



43Q GIL BLAS. 



pendants as if he had been a lord by nature, and not by chance. He was not 
without mother- wit, but ignorant in a deplorable degree; he could scarcely 
read and write. I gave him masters for the Latin grammar, geography, history, 
and fencing. A dancing-master of course was not forgotten ; but in an affair 
of the first consequence, selection was difficult, for there were more eminent 
professors of that art in Madrid than of all the languages and sciences put 
together. 

While I was pondering on this difficulty, a man gaudily dressed came into 
the court-yard and inquired for me. I went down, supposing him to be at least 
a knight of some military or privileged order. Signor de Santillane, said he, 
with a profusion of bows which anticipated his line in life, I am come to offer 
you my services as Don Henry's governor. My name is Martin Ligero, and I 
have, thank heaven, some reputation in the world. I have no occasion to can- 
vass for scholars ; that is all very well for petty dancing-masters ! My custom 
is to wait till I am sent for ; but being a sort of appendage to the house of 
Guzman, and having taught its various branches for a long period, I thought it 
a point of respect to wait on you first. I perceive, answered I, that you are 
just the man we want. What are your terms? Four double pistoles a month, 
answered he, and I give but two lessons a week. Four doubloons a month ! 
cried I, that is an exorbitant price. Exorbitant! rejoined he with astonish- 
ment ; why, it is not more than eight times as much as you would give to a 
mathematical master or a Greek professor. 

There was no resisting so ludicrous a comparison of merit; I laughed out- 
right, and asked Signor Ligero whether he really thought his talents worth more 
than those of the first proficients in learning and science. Most assuredly, 
said he ; at least, if you measure our pretensions by their respective utility. 
What sort of machines may those be which are fashioned under their hands ? 
Jointless puppets, unlicked cubs, open-mouthed and impenetrable shell-fish ; 
but our lessons supple and render pliant the intractable stiffness of their com- 
ponent parts, and bring them insensibly into shape: in short, we communicate 
to them a graceful motion, a polite address, the carriage of good company, and 
the outward marks of elevated rank. 

I could not but give way to such cogent arguments in favour of the dancing- 
master's occupation, and engaged him about Don Henry's person without 
haggling as to terms, since those specified were only at the rate established by 
the leading professors of the art. 

Ch. VI. — Sapid s return from New Spai7i. Gil Bias places him about Don 
Henry's person. That young noblcmarJs course of study. His career of 
honour, and his father s matrimonial spectdation on his behalf. A patent of 
nobility conferred on Gil Bias against his will. 

I had not yet half arranged Don Henry's household, when Scipio returned from 
Mexico. He brought with him three thousand ducats in cash, and merchan- 
dise to double the amount. I wish you joy, said I ; the foundation of your for- 
tune is laid ; and if you prefer a snug berth at Madrid to the risk of going back, 
you have only to tell me so. There is no question about that, said the son of 
Coselina : a genteel situation at home is far preferable to a second voyage. 

After relating the birth and adventures of the little adopted Guzman, and my 
own appointment as tutor, I offered him the situation of upper servant to this 
babe of chance : Scipio, who could have devised nothing better for himself, 
readily accepted the office, and within the small space of three or four days 
got the length of his new master's foot. 

I had taken it for granted that that the verb-grinders and concord-manufac- 



A PATENT OF NOBILITY CONFERRED ON GIL BIAS. 431 

tures to whom I had given the plant of this Genoese bastard would lose 
stock and block, under the idea that he was of an intractable and profitless age ; 
but my forebodings were completely reversed. He not only comprehended, 
but easily retained the lessons of his masters, and they were very well" satisfied 
with him. I was in an enormous hurry to greet the ears of my lord duke with 
this intelligence, and he received it with abundant joy. Santillane, exclaimed 
he with delight, you give me new life by the assurance of Don Henry's capacity 
and application : it runs in the blood of the Guzmans ; and I am the more con- 
firmed in his being unquestionably my own, because I am just as fond of him 
as if Madame d' Olivarez herself had lain in of the brat in due form under this 
very roof. The voice of nature, you perceive, will make itself heard. I thought 
it unnecessary to give his lordship any opinion on that subject; but with a deli- 
cate deference to his credulity, left him to enjoy his fancied paternity in peace, 
whether well or ill founded. 

Though all the Guzmans held this clod of newly turned up nobility in utter 
scorn, they were politic enough to smooth over the corrugations of their con- 
tempt ; nay, some of them even affected to languish for his good opinion : the 
ambassadors and principal nobility then at Madrid waited on him, with all 
the ceremony appertaining to the rank of a legitimate son. The minister, in- 
toxicated with the fumes of incense offered to his idol, began to build a temple 
worthy of the worship. The cross of Alcantara was the foundation, with a 
commandery of ten thousand crowns. The next step was to a high office in 
the royal household, and the completion of the whole was matrimony. Wish- 
ing to connect him with a family of the first rank, he picked out Donna Johanna 
de Velasco, daughter to the Duke of Castile, and had influence enough to 
accomplish the alliance, though against the will of the duke and of all his 
kindred. 

Some days before the nuptial ceremony, his lordship put some papers into 
my hand, saying : Here, Gil Bias, is a patent of nobility which I have procured 
as the reward of your services. My lord, answered I, in much astonishment, 
your excellency knovtfs very well that I am the son of an usher and a duenna : it 
would be caricaturing* the peerage to confer it on me ; and besides, of all the 
boons in his majesty's power to bestow, it is that which I deserve and desire the 
least. Your birth, replied the minister, is a slight objection. Yon have been em- 
ployed on affairs of state under the Duke of Lerma's administration and under 
mine : besides, added he with a smile, have you not rendered some things to 
Csesar, which Caesar is bound, on the honour of a prince, to render back in another 
shape ? To deal candidly, Santillane, you will make just as good a lord as the 
best of them ; nay, more than that, your high office about my son is incompati- 
ble with plebeian rank, and therefore have I procured you to be created. Since 
your excellency will have it so, replied I, there is no more to be said. So, say- 
ing no more, I put my new-blown honours in my pocket, and walked off. 

Now can I make any Joan a lady ! said I to myself when I had got into the 
street : but it was not the handy-work of my parents that made me a gentle- 
man. I may add a foot of honour to my name whenever I please ; and if any 
of my acquaintance should snuff or snigger when they call me Don, I may suck 
my teeth, lean upon my elbow, and draw out my credentials of heraldry. But 
let us see what they contain; and how the corporeal particles, which have 
accrued during my artificial contact with the court, are distinguished by genea- 
logical metaphysics from the native clay of my original extraction. The instru- 
ment ran thus in substance : That the king in acknowledgment of my zeal in 
more than one instance for his service and the good of the state, had been gra- 
ciously pleased to confer this mark of distinction on me. I may safely say that 
the recollection of the act for which I was promoted effectually kept down my 



432 GIL BLAS. 



pride. Neither did the bashfulness of low birth ever forsake me; so that 
nobility to me was like a hair shirt to a penitent: I determined therefore to 
lock up the evidences of my shame in a private drawer, instead of blazoning 
them to dazzle the eyes of the foolish and corrupt 

Ch. VII. — An accidental meeting between Gil Bias and Fabricio. Their last 
conversation together, and a word to the wise from A r unez. 

The poet of the Asturias, as the reader, if he thought of him, may have 
remarked, was very negligent in his intercourse with me. It was not to be 
expected, that my employments would leave me time to go and look after him. 
I had not seen him since the critical discussion touching the Iphigenia of Euri- 
pides, when chance threw me across him, as he came out of a printing-house. 
I accosted him, saying: So! so! Master Nunez, you have got among the 
printers : this looks as if we were threatened with some new production. 

You may indeed prepare yourselves for such an event, answered he : I have 
a pamphlet just ready for publication which is likely to make some noise in the 
literary world. There can be no question about its merit, replied I : but I 
cannot conceive why you waste your time in writing pamphlets : it should seem 
as if such squibs and rockets were scarcely worth the powder expended in 
their manufacture. It is very true, rejoined Fabricio : and I am well aware 
that none but the most vulgar gazers are caught by such holiday fire-works : 
however, this single one has escaped me, and I must own that it is a child of 
necessity. Hunger, as you know, will bring the wolf out of the forest. 

What ! exclaimed I, is it the author of the " Count of Saldagna" who holds 
this language? A man with an annuity of two thousand crowns? Gently, my 
friend, interrupted Nunez : I am no longer a pensioned poet. The affairs of 
the treasurer Don Bertrand are all at sixes and sevens : he has been at the 
gaming table, and played with the public money : an extent has issued, and my 
rent-charge is gone posthaste to the devil. That is a sad affair, said I : but may 
not matters come round again in that quarter? No chance of it, answered he : 
Signor Gomez del Ribero, in plight as destitute as that of his poor bard, is 
sunk for ever; nor can he, as they say, by any possible contrivance be set 
afloat again. 

In that case, my good friend, replied I, we must look out for some post 
which may make you amends for the loss of your annuity. I will ease your con- 
science on that score, said he : though you should offer me the wealth of the 
Indies as a salary in one of your offices, I would reject the boon : clerkships 
are no object to a partner in the firm of the Muses ; a literary berth, or absolute 
starvation for your humble servant ! If you must have it plump, I was born 
to live and die a poet, and the man whose destiny is hanging, will never be 
drowned. 

But do not suppose, continued he, that we are altogether forlorn and destitute: 
besides that we accommodate the requisites of independence to our finances, 
we do not look far beyond our noses in calculating the average of our fortunes. 
It is insinuated that we often dine with the most abstemious orders of the reli- 
gious ; but our sanctity in this particular is too credulously imputed. There is 
not one of my brother wits, without excepting the calculators of almanacs, who 
has not a plate laid for him at some substantial table : for my own part, I have 
the run of two good houses. To the master of one I have dedicated a romance; 
and he is the first commissioner of taxes who was ever associated with the 
Muses : the other is a rich tradesman in Madrid, whose lust is to get wits 
about him ; he is not nice in his choice, and this town furnishes abundance to 
those who value wit more by quantity than quality. 



OLIVAREZ BEGINS TO LOSE THE KING'S FAVOUR. 433 

Then I no longer feel for you, said I to the poet of the Asturias, since 
you are satisfied in your condition. But be that as it may, I assure you once 
more, that you have a friend in Gil Bias, however you may slight him : if you 
want my purse, come and take it : it will not fail you at a pinch ; and you must 
not stand between me and my sincere friendship. 

By that burst of sentiment, exclaimed Nunez, I know and thank my friend 
Santillane : in return, let me- give you a salutary caution. While my lord duke 
is in his meridian, and you are all in all with him, reap, bind, and gather in 
your harvest : when the sun sets, the gleaners are sent home. I asked Fabricio 
whether his suspicions were surely founded ; and he returned me this answer. 
My information comes from an old knight of Calatrava, who pokes his nose 
into secrets of all sorts ; his authority passes current at Madrid, much as that 
of the Pythian newsmongers did through Greece ; and thus his oracle was pro- 
nounced in my hearing : My lord duke has a host of enemies in battle-array 
against him ; he reckons too securely upon his influence with the king ; for his 
majesty, as the report goes, begins to take in hostile representations with 
patience. I thanked Nunez for his friendly warning, but without much faith 
in his prediction : my master's authority seemed rooted in the court, like the 
tempest-scoffing firmness of an oak in the native soil of the forest. 

CH. VIII. — Gil Bias finds that Fabricio 's hint was not without foundation. The 
king 's journey to Saragossa. 

The poet of the Asturias was no bad politician. There was a court plot against 
the duke, with the queen at the bottom ; but their plans were too deeply laid 
to bubble at the surface. During the space of a whole year, my simplicity was 
insensible to the brewing of the tempest. 

The revolt of the Catalans, with France at their back, and the ill success of 
the war for their suppression, excited the murmurs of the people, and whetted 
their tongues against government. A council was held in the royal presence, 
and the Marquis de Grana, the emperor's ambassador, was specially requested 
to assist. The subject in debate was whether the king should remain in Cas- 
tile, or go and take the command of his troops in Arragon. The minister 
spoke first, and gave it as his opinion that his majesty should* not quit the seat 
of government. All the members supported his arguments, with the exception 
of the Marquis de Grana, whose whole heart was with the house of Austria, and 
the sentiments of his soul on the tip of his tongue, after the homely honesty of 
his nation. He argued so forcibly against the minister, that the king em- 
braced his opinion from conviction, though contrary to the vote of council, and 
fixed the day when he would set out for the army. 

This was the first time that ever the sovereign had differed from his favourite, 
and the latter considered it as an inexpiable affront. Just as the minister was 
withdrawing to his closet, there to bite upon the bridle, he espied me, called 
me in, and told me with much discomposure what had passed in debate : Yes, 
Santillane, observed he, the king, who for the last twenty years has spoken only 
through my mouth, and seen with my eyes, is now to be wheedled over by 
Grana ; and that on the score of zeal for the house of Austria, as if that German 
had a more Austrian soul in his body than myself. 

Hence it is easy to perceive, continued the minister, that there is a strong 
party against me, with the queen at the head. Heaven forbid it, said I. Has 
not the queen for upwards of twelve years been accustomed to your paramount 
authority, and have you not taught the king the knack of not consulting her ? 
The desire of making a campaign may for once have enlisted his majesty on 
the side of the Marquis de Grana. Say rather that the king, argued my lord 



434 GIL BLAS. 



duke, will be surrounded by his principal officers when in camp ; and then the 
disaffected will find their opportunity for poisoning him against my administra- 
tion. But they overreach themselves ; for I shall completely insulate the prince 
from all their approaches ; and so he did, in a manner which, for example, 
deserves not to be passed over. 

The day of the king's departure being arrived, the monarch, leaving the 
queen regent, proceeded for Saragossa by way of Aranjuez ; a delightful resi- 
dence, where he whiled away three weeks. Cuenca was the next stage, where 
the minister detained him still longer by a succession of amusements. A hunt- 
ing party was contrived at Molina in Arragon, and hence there was no choice 
of road but to Saragossa. The army was near at hand, and the king was pre- 
paring to review it : but his keeper sickened him of the project, by making him 
believe that he would be taken by the French, who were in force in the neigh- 
bourhood ; so that he was cowed by a groundless apprehension, and consented 
to be a prisoner in his own court. The minister, from an affectionate regard 
to his safety, secluded him from all approach : so that the principal nobility, 
who had equipped themselves at enormous charges to be about his person, 
could not even procure an occasional audience. Philip, weary of bad lodgings 
and worse recreation at Saragossa, and perhaps feeling himself scarcely his own 
master, soon returned to Madrid. Thus ended the royal campaign, and the 
care of maintaining the honour of the Spanish colours was left to the Marquis 
de los Velez, commander-in-chief. 

Ch. IX. — The revolution of Portugal, and disgrace of the prime minister. 

A few days after the king's return, an alarming report prevailed at Madrid, 
that the Portuguese, considering the Catalan revolt as an opportunity offered them 
by fortune for throwing off the Spanish yoke, had taken arms, and chosen the 
Duke of Braganza for their king, with a full determination of supporting him on 
the throne. In this they conceived that they did not reckon without their host ; 
because Spain was then embroiled in Germany, Italy, Flanders, and Catalonia. 
They could not in fact have hit upon a crisis more favourable for their deliver- 
ance from so galling a yoke. 

It was a strange circumstance, that while both court and city were struck with 
consternation at the news, my lord duke attempted to joke with the king, and 
make the Duke of Braganza his butt ; Philip, however, far from falling in with 
this ill-timed pleasantly, assumed a serious air, of ill omen to the minister, who 
felt his seat to totter under him. The queen was now his declared enemy, and 
openly accused him of having caused the revolt of Portugal by his misconduct. 
The nobility in general, and especially those who had been at Saragossa, when 
they saw a cloud gathering about the minister, joined the queen's party :* but 
the decisive blow was the return of the duchess dowager of Mantua from her 
government of Portugal to Madrid ; for she proved clearly to the king's convic- 
tion that the counsels of his own cabinet produced the revolution. 

His majesty, deeply impressed with what he had heard, was now completely 
recovered from every symptom of partiality towards his favourite. The minister, 
finding that his enemies were in possession of the royal ear, wrote for permission 
to resign his employments, and retire from court, since all the political mis- 
chances of the time were ascribed to his personal delinquency. He expected a 
letter like this to produce a wonderful effect, reckoning as he did upon the 

* At length his sovereign frowns — the train of state 
Mark the keen glance, and watch the sign to hate. 

JohnsoiUs Imitatio7i of Juvenal s Tenth Satire. 



J 



OLIVAREZ RETIRES INTO THE COUNTRY. 435 

prince's private friendship, which could scarcely brook a separation : but his 
majesty's answer undeceived him, by laconically complying with his ostensible 
wish to withdraw. 

Such a sentence of banishment in the king's own hand-writing came like a 
thunder-storm in harvest ; but though destruction to his long-cherished hopes, 
he affected the serene look of constancy, and asked me what I would do in his 
circumstances. I would drive before the wind, said I ; renounce the un- 
grateful court, and pass the remainder of my days in peace on my own estate. 
You counsel wisely, replied my master, and I shall set out for Loeches, there 
to finish my career, after one more interview with his majesty : for I could wish 
just to convince him that I have done what man can do to support the heavy 
load of state upon my shoulders, and that it was not within the compass of 
possibility to prevent the unfortunate events which are imputed to me as a crime. 
It were equally reasonable to charge the pilot with the wrecking fury of the storm, 
and make him answerable for the uncontrolled power of the elements. Thus 
did the minister inwardly flatter himself that he could set things to rights again, 
and once more fix firm the seat which was shaking under him ; but he could 
not procure an audience, and was even commanded to resign his key of private 
admission into his majesty's closet. 

This last requisition convinced him that there was no hope ; and he now made 
up his mind in earnest for retirement. He looked over his papers, and had 
the prudence to burn a good number, he then selected a small household for his 
retreat, and publicly announced his departure for the next day. Apprehending 
insult from the mob, if the time and manner of his setting out were public, he 
escaped early in the morning through the kitchens out at the back door, got in- 
to a shabby, hired carriage, with his confessor and me, and reached in safety 
the road leading to Loeches, a village on his own estate, where his countess had 
founded a magnificent convent of Dominican nuns. 



Ch. X. — A difficult, but successful, weaning from the world. The minister 's 
employments in his retreat. 

Madame d'Olivarez stayed behind her husband some few days, with the in- 
tention of trying what her tears and entreaties might do towards his recall ; but 
in vain did she prostrate herself before their majesties : the king paid not the 
least attention to her pleadings and remonstrances, though artfully adapted for 
effect ; and the queen, who hated her mortally, took a savage pleasure in her 
tears. The minister's lady, however, was not easily discouraged : she stooped 
so low as to solicit their good offices from the ladies of the bed-chamber ; but 
the fruit of all this meanness was only the sad conviction that it excited more 
contempt than pity. Heart-broken at having degraded herself by supplications 
so humiliating, and yet so unavailing, she departed to her husband, and mourned 
with him the loss of a situation, which under a reign like that of Philip the 
Fourth, was little short of sovereign power. 

The accounts her ladyship brought from Madrid were wormwood to the duke. 
Your enemies, said she, sobbing, with the Duke of Medina Celi at their head, 
are loud in the king's praises for your removal ; and the people triumph in your 
disgrace with an insolent joy, as if the cloud of adversity were to be dispelled 
by the breath which dissolved your administration. Madam, said my master, 
follow my example ; suppress your discontent : we must drive before the storm, 
when we cannot Weather it. I did think, indeed, that my favour would only 
be eclipsed with the lamp of life : a common illusion of ministers and favourites, 
who forget that they breathe but at the good pleasure of their sovereign. Was 



436 GIL BIAS. 



not the Duke of Lerma as much mistaken as myself, though fondly relying on 
his purple, as a pledge for the lasting tenure of his authority ? 

Thus did my lord duke preach patience to the partner of his cares, while his 
own bosom heaved under the direst pressure of anxiety. The frequent dis- 
patches from Don Henry, who was staying about the court to pick up informa- 
tion, kept him continually on the fret. Scipio was the messenger ; for he was 
still about the person of that young nobleman, though I had relinquished my 
post on his marriage. Sometimes we heard of changes in the inferior depart- 
ments of office, solely for the purpose of wreaking vengeance on his creatures, 
and filling up the vacancies with his enemies. Then Don Lewis de Haro was 
represented as advancing in favour, and likely to be made prime minister. But 
the most mortifying circumstance of all was the change in the viceroyalty of 
Naples, which was taken from his friend, the Duke de Medina de las Torres, 
and bestowed on the High Admiral of Castile, who was his bitterest enemy. For 
this there was no other motive but the pleasure of giving pain to a fallen favourite. 

For the first three months, his lordship gave himself up in his solitude a prey 
to disappointment and regret : but his confessor, a holy and pious Dominican, 
supporting his religious zeal with manly eloquence, succeeded in pouring the 
balm of consolation into his soul. By continually representing to him, with 
apostolic energy, that his eternal salvation was now the only object worth his 
care, he weaned him gradually from the uses of this world. His excellency was 
no longer panting for news from Madrid, but learning a new and important les- 
son, how to die. Madame d'Olivarez too, making a virtue of necessity, sought 
refuge for herself in the maternal guardianship of her convent, where Providence 
had reared up, for her edification in faith and good works, a sisterhood of holy 
maidens, whose spiritual discourses fed her soul, as if with manna in the wilder- 
ness. My master's peace within his own bosom advanced, as he withdrew more 
backward from sublunary things. The employment of his day was thus laid 
out : almost the whole morning was devoted to religious duties, till dinner-time ; 
and after dinner, for about two hours, he played at different games with me and 
some of his confidential domestics : he then generally retired alone into his 
closet till sunset, when he walked round his garden, or rode out into the neigh- 
bourhood either with his confessor or me. 

One day when I was alone with him, and was particularly struck with his 
apparent self-complacency, I took the liberty of congratulating his lordship on 
his complete reconciliation to retirement. Use, however late acquired, is second 
nature, answered he : for though I have all my life been accustomed to the 
bustle of business, I assure you that I become every day more and more attached 
to this calm and peaceful mode of life. 

Ch. XI. — A change in his lordship for the -worse. The marvellous cause, and 
melancholy consequences, of his dejection. 

His excellency sometimes amused himself with gardening, by way of variety. 
One day as I was watching his progress, he said jokingly : You see, Santillane, 
a fallen minister can turn gardener at last. Nature will prevail, my lord, an- 
swered I. You plant and water something useful at Loeches, while Dionysius 
of Syracuse whipped school-boys at Corinth. My master was not displeased 
either with the comparison or the compliment. 

We were all delighted at the castle to see our protector, rising above the cloud 
of adversity, take pleasure in so novel a mode of life : but we soon perceived 
an alarming change. He became gloomy, thoughtful, and melancholy. Our 
parties at play were all given up, and no efforts could succeed to divert his mind. 
From dinner-time till evening he never left his closet. We thought the dreams 



DEATH OF OLIVAREZ. 437 

of vanished greatness had returned to break his rest : and in this opinion the 
reverend Dominican gave the rein to his eloquence ; but it could not outstrip 
the course of that hypochondriac malady, which triumphed over all opposition. 

It seemed to me there was some deeper cause, which it behoved a sincere 
friend to fathom. Taking advantage of our being alone together, My lord, said 
I, in a tone of mingled respect and affection, whence is it that you are no longer 
so cheerful as heretofore ? Has your philosophy lost ground ? or has the world 
recovered its allurements ? Surely you would not plunge again into that gulf, 
where your virtue must inevitably be shipwrecked ! No, heaven be praised ! 
replied the minister : my part at court has long faded from my memory, and its 
trappings from my eyes. Indeed ! why then, resumed I, since you have strength 
enough to banish false regrets, are you so weak as to indulge a melancholy 
which alarms us all ? What is the matter with you, my dear master ? continued 
I, falling at his knees : some secret sorrow preys upon you : can you hide it 
from Santillane, whose zeal, discretion, and fidelity you have so often expe- 
rienced ? Why am I so unhappy as to have lost your confidence ? 

You still possess it, said his lordship : but I must own, it is reluctantly that I 
shall reveal the subject of my distress : yet the importunities of such a friend are 
irresistible. To no one else could I impart so singular a confidence. Yes, I am 
the prey of a morbid melancholy which eats inwardly into my vitals : a spectre 
haunts me every moment, arrayed in the most terrific form of preternatural hor- 
ror. In vain have I argued with myself that it is a vision of the brain, an un- 
real mockery : its continual presentments blast my sight, and unseat my reason. 
Though my understanding teaches me, that in looking on this spectre I stare at 
vacancy, my spirits are too weak to derive comfort from the conviction. Thus 
much have you extorted from me : now judge whether the cause of my melan- 
choly is fit to be divulged. 

With equal grief and astonishment did I listen to the strange confession, 
which implied a total derangement of the nervous system. This, my lord, said 
I, must proceed from injudicious abstinence. So I thought at first, answered 
he ; and to try the experiment, I have been eating more than usual for some 
days past ; but it is all to no purpose, the phantom takes his stand as usual. It 
will vanish, said I, if your excellency will only divert your mind by your accus- 
tomed relaxations with your household. Company and gentle occupation are 
the best remedies for these affections of the spirits. 

In a short time after this conversation, his lordship became seriously indisposed, 
and sent for two notaries from Madrid, to make his will. Three capital physi- ' 
cians followed in their track, who had. the reputation of curing their patients 
now and then. As soon as it was noised about the castle that these last under- 
takers were arrived, the case was given up for lost ; weeping and gnashing of 
teeth took place universally, and the family mourning was ordered. They 
brought with them their usual understrappers, an apothecary and a surgeon.* 
The notaries were suffered to earn their fee first, after which death's notaries 
prepared to take a bond of the patient. They practised in the school of San- 
grado, and from their very first consultation, ordered bleeding so frequently and 
freely, that in sjx days they brought his lordship to the point of death, and on 
the seventh delivered him from the terror of his sprite. 

Behind him sneaks 
Another mortal, not unlike himself, 
Of jargon full, with terms obscure o'ercharged, 
Apothecary call'd, whose foetid hands 
With power mechanic, and with charms arcane, 
Apollo, god of medicine, has endued. — Bramston. 



43S GIL BLAS. 

After the ministers decease, a lively and sincere sorrow reigned in the castle 
of Loeches. The whole household wept bitterly. Far from deriving consola- 
tion from the certainty of being remembered 'in his will, there was not a de- 
pendent who would not willingly have saved his life by the sacrifice of the 
legacy. As for me, whom he most delighted in, attached'to him as I was from 
disinterested friendship, my grief was more acute than that of the rest. I ques- 
tion whether Antonia cost me more tears. 

Ch. XII. — The proceedings at the Castle of Loxhes after his lordship 1 s death, and 
the course which Smitillane adopted. 

The minister, according to his last injunctions, was buried without pomp, and 
without procession in the convent, with a dirge of our lamentations. After the 
funeral, Madame d'Olivarez called us together to hear the will read, with which 
the household had good reason to be satisfied. Every one had a legacy pro- 
portioned to his claim, and none less than two thousand crowns : mine was the 
largest, amounting to ten thousand pistoles, as a mark of his singular regard. 
The hospitals were not forgotten, and provision was made for an annual com- 
memoration in several convents. 

Madame d'Olivarez sent all the household to Madrid to receive their legacies 
from Don Raymond Caporis, who had orders to pay them ; but I could not be 
of the party, in consequence of a violent fever from distress of mind, which con- 
fined me to the castle for more than a week. During that time, the reverend 
Dominican paid me all possible attention. Pie had conceived a friendship for 
me, which was not confined to my worldly interests, and was anxious to know 
how I meant to dispose of myself on my recover}'. I answered that I had not 
yet made up my mind upon the subject : there were moments when my feelings 
strongly prompted towards a religious vow. Precious moments ! exclaimed 
the Dominican, you will do well to profit by them. I advise you as a friend to 
retire to our convent at Madrid, for example ; there to become a pious bene- 
factor by the free gift of your whole fortune, and to die in the livery of Saint 
Dominic. Many very questionable Christians have made amends for a life of 
sin by so holy an end. 

In the actual disposition of my mind, this advice was not unpalatable; and I 
promised to reflect upon it But on consulting Scipio, who came to see me im- 
mediately after the monk, he treated the very notion as the phantom of a dis- 
tempered brain. For shame ! said he ; does not your estate at Lirias offer a 
more eligible seclusion : If you were delighted with it formerly, the charm will 
be increased tenfold, now that the lapse of years has moderated your sense of 
pleasure, and softened down your taste to the simple beauties of nature. 

It was no difficult matter to operate a change in my inclinations. My friend, 
said I, you cany it decidedly against the advocate of Saint Dominic. We will 
go back to Lirias as soon as I am well enough to travel. This happened 
shortly ; for as the fever subsided, I soon felt myself sufficiently strong to put 
my design in execution. We went first to Madrid. The sight of that city 
gave me far other sensations than heretofore. As I knew that ajrnost its whole 
population held in horror the memory of a minister, of whom I cherished the 
most affectionate remembrance, I could not feel at my ease within its precincts. 
My stay was therefore limited to five or six days, while Scipio was making the 
necessary arrangements for our rustication. In the mean time, I waited on Ca- 
poris, and received my legacy in ready money. I likewise made my arrange- 
ments with the' receivers for the regular remittance of my pensions, and settled 
all my affairs in due order. 

The evening before our departure, I asked the son of Coselina whether he 



GIL BLAS RETURNS TO LIRIAS. 439 

had received his farewell from Don Henry. Yes, answered he, we took leave 
of each other this morning with mutual civility ; he went so far as to express 
his regret that I should quit him ; but however well satisfied he might be with 
me, I am by no means so with him. Mutual content is like a river, which must 
have its banks on either side. Besides, Don Henry makes but a pitiful figure 
at court now ; he has fallen into utter contempt ; people point at him with their 
finger in the streets, and call him a Genoese bastard. Judge, then, for yourself, 
whether it is consistent with my character to keep up the connection. 

We left Madrid one morning at sunrise, and went for Cuenca. The follow- 
ing was the order of our equipment ; we two in a chaise and pair, three mules, 
laden with baggage and money, led by two grooms and two stout footmen, well 
armed, in the rear ; the grooms wore sabres, and the postilion had a pair of 
pistols in his holsters. As we were seven men in all, and six of us determined 
fellows, I took the road gaily, without trembling for my legacy. In the villages 
through which we passed our mules chimed their bells merrily, and the peasants 
ran to their doors to see us pass, supposing it to be at least the parade of some 
nobleman going to take possession of some viceroyalty. 

Ch. XIII. — The return of Gil Bias to his seat. His joy at finding his god-daugh- 
ter Seraphina marriageable ; and his ow7i second venture in the lottery of love. 

'We were a fortnight on our journey to Lirias, having no occasion to make rapid 
stages. The sight of my own domain brought melancholy thoughts into my 
mind, with the image of my lost Antonia ; but better topics of reflection came 
to my aid, with a full purpose to look at things on the brighter side, and the 
lapse of two-and-twenty years, which had gradually impaired the force of tender 
regret. 

As soon as I entered the castle, Beatrice and her daughter greeted me most 
cordially, while the family scene was interesting in the extreme. When their 
mutual transports were over, I looked earnestly at my god-daughter, saying : 
Can this be the Seraphina whom I left in her cradle ? how tall and pretty ! we 
must make a good match for her. What ! my dear god-father, cried my little 
girl with an enchanting blush, you have but just seen me, and do you want to 
get rid of me at once ! No, my lovely child, replied I, we hope not to lose you 
by marriage, but to find a husband for you in the neighbourhood. 

There is one ready to your hands, said Beatrice. Seraphina made a conquest 
one day at mass. Her suitor has declared his passion, and asked my consent. 
I told him that his acceptance depended on her father and her god-father ; and 
here you are to determine for yourselves. 

What is the character of this village lordling ? said Scipio. Is he not, like 
his fellows, the little tyrant of the soil, and insolent to those who have no pedi- 
gree to boast ? The furthest from it in the world, answered Beatrice ; the young 
man is gentle in his temper and polished in his manners ; handsome withal, and 
somewhat under thirty. You paint him in flattering colours, said I to Beatrice ; 
what is his name ? Don Juan de Jutefcla, replied Scipio's wife : it is not long 
since he came to his inheritance : he lives on his own estate, about a mile off, 
with a younger sister, of whom he takes care. I once knew something of his 
family, observed I ; it is one of the best in Valencia. I care less for lineage, 
cried Scipio, than for the qualities of the heart and mind ; this Don Juan will 
exactly suit us, if he is a good sort of man. He is belied else, said Seraphina, 
with a blushing interest in our conversation ; the inhabitants of Lirias, who 
know him well, say all the good of him you can conceive. I smiled at this ; 
and her father, not less quick-sighted, saw plainly that her heart had a share in 
the testimony of her tongue. 



44Q GIL BLAS. 



The gentleman soon heard of our arrival, and paid his respects to us within 
two days. His address was pleasing and manly, so as to prepossess us in his 
favour. He affected merely to welcome us home as a neighbour. Our re- 
ception was such as not to discourage the repetition of his visit ; but not a word 
of Seraphina ! When he was gone, Beatrice asked us how we liked him. We 
could have no objection to make, and gave it as our opinion that Seraphina 
could not dispose of herself better. 

The next day, Scipio and I returned the visit. We took a guide, and 
luckily ; for otherwise it might have puzzled us to find the place. It was not 
till our actual arrival that it was visible ; for the mansion was situated at the 
foot of a mountain, in the middle of a wood, whose lofty trees hid it from 
our view. There was an antique and ruinous appearance about it, which 
spoke more for the descent than the wealth of its proprietor. On our entrance, 
however, the elegance of the interior arrangement made amends for the dilapi- 
dated grandeur of the outer walls. 

Don Juan received us in a handsome room, where he introduced his sister 
Dorothea, a lady between nineteen and twenty years of age. She was a good ■ 
deal tricked out, as if she had primed and loaded herself for conquest, in ex- 
pectation of our visit. Thus presenting all her chai-ms in full force, she did by 
me much as Antonia had done before ; but I managed my raptures so discreetly, 
that even Scipio had no suspicion. Our conversation turned, as on the preced- 
ing day, on the mutual pleasure of good neighbourhood. Still he did not open 
on the subject of Seraphina, nor diet we attempt to draw him out. During our 
interview, I often cast a side glance at Dorothea, though with all the reserve of 
delicate apprehension ; whenever our eyes met, the citadel of my heart was 
ready to surrender. To describe the object of my love justly, as well as feel- 
ingly, her beauty was not of the most perfect kind : her skin was of a dazzling 
whiteness, and her lips united the colour with the fragrance of the rose ; but her 
features were not so regular and well-proportioned as might have been wished : 
yet, altogether, she won my heart. 

In short, I left the mansion of Jutella a different man from what I was on 
entering it : so that, returning to Lirias with my whole soul absorbed in Doro- 
thea, I saw and spoke only of her. How is this, master ? said Scipio with a 
look of astonishment : you seem to be very much taken .with Don Juan's 
sister ! Can you be in love with her ? Yes, my friend, answered I : to my 
shame be it spoken. Since the death of Antonia, how many lovely females 
have passed in review before me with indifference : and must my passions 
be irresistibly kindled at this time of life ? Indeed, sir, replied the son of 
Coselina, you may bless your stars, instead of squabbling with yourself : you 
are not so old as to make your sacrifice at the shrine of love a by- word ; 
and time has not yet ploughed such furrows on your brow, as to render hope- 
less the desire of pleasing. When you see Don Juan next, ask him boldly for 
his sister : he cannot refuse her to you ; and besides, if his views in her settle- 
ment are ambitious, how can he do better ? You have a patent of nobility in 
your pocket, and upon that your posterity may ride easy ; after five generations, 
when pedigree herself shall be lost in the confusion of her materials, it may 
exercise the diligence of learned inquiry, to trace the family of the Santillanes 
to the beginning of its archives, and consecrate the fame of its founder by the 
indistinctness of his story. 

Ch. XIV. — A double marriage, and the conclusion of the history. 

By this discourse, Scipio encouraged me to declare myself, without considering 
how he exposed me to the danger of a refusal. My own resolution was taken 



A DOUBLE MARRIAGE AGREED ON. ' 441 

with fear and trembling. Though I carried my years well, artd might have 
sunk at least ten, it did not seem unlikely that a young beauty might turn up 
her nose at the disparity. I determined, however, to bolt the question the 
first time I saw her brother, who was not without his trepidations on the subject 
of my god-daughter. 

He returned my call the next morning, just as I had done dressing. Signor 
de Santillane, said he, I wish to speak with you on some serious business. I 
took him into my closet, where entering on the subject at once, I imagine, con- 
tinued-he, that you are not unacquainted with the purpose of my visit : I love 
Seraphina ; you are all in all with her father ; I must request you therefore to 
intercede and procure for me the accomplishment of my heart's desire : then 
shall I have to thank you for the prime bliss of my existence. Signor Don 
Juan, answered I, as you come to the point at once, you can have no objection 
to my following your example : My good offices are fully at your service, and 
I shall hope for yours with your sister in return. 

Don Juan was agreeably surprised. Can it be possible, exclaimed he, that 
Dorothea should have made a conquest of your heart since yesterday? It is 
even so, said I, and it would make me the happiest of men, if the proposal 
should meet with your joint approbation. You may rely on that, replied he ; 
though with some pretensions to family pride, yours is not an alliance to be 
despised. You flatter me highly, rejoined I ; that you are not mealy-mouthed 
about receiving a commoner into your pedigree, is a mark of good sense ; but 
even if nobility had been a necessary ingredient in your sister's requisites for 
a husband, we should not have quarrelled on that account. I have worked 
out twenty years in the trammels of office ; and the king, as a reward of my 
long labours, has granted me a patent of nobility. This high-minded gentle- 
man read my credentials over with extreme satisfaction, and returning them, 
told me that Dorothea was mine. And Seraphina yours, exclaimed I. 

Thus were the two marriages agreed on between us. The consent of the 
intended brides was all that remained ; for we neither of us presumed to con- 
trol the inclinations of our wards. My friend therefore carried home my pro- 
posal to his sister, and I called Scipio, Beatrice, and my god-daughter together, 
for the purpose of laying open a similar project. Beatrice voted loudly for im- 
mediate acceptance, and Seraphina silently. The father did not say much 
against it ; but boggled a little at the fortune he must give to a gentleman whose 
seat required such immediate and extensive repairs. I stopped Scipio's mouth 
by telling him that was my concern, and that I should contribute four thousand 
pistoles to the architect's estimate. 

In the evening, Don Juan came again. Your business is going swimmingly, 
said I ; pray heaven mine may promise as fairly. Better it cannot, answered 
he ; my influence was quite unnecessary to prevail with Dorothea ; your person 
had made its impression, and your manners pleased her. You were afraid she 
might not like you ; while she, with more reason, having nothing to offer you 
but her heart and hand .... What would she offer more ? interrupted I, out 
of my wits with joy. Since the lovely Dorothea can think of me without repug- 
nance, I ask no more : my fortune is ample, and the possession of her is the 
only dowry I should value. 

• Don Juan and myself, highly delighted at having brought our views to bear 
so soon, were for hastening our nuptials, and cutting off all superfluous cere- 
monies. I closeted the gentleman with Seraphina's parents ; the settlements 
were soon agreed on, and he took his leave, promising to return next day with 
Dorothea. My eager desire of appearing agreeable in that lady's eyes, oc- 
casioned me to spend three hours at least in adjusting my dress, and com- 
municating the air of a lover to my person ; but I could not do it so much to 



I 

442 GIL BLAS. 



my mind as in my younger days. The preparations for courtship are a pleasure 
to a young man, but a serious business and hazardous speculation to one who 
is beginning to be oldish. And yet it turned out better than my hopes or 
deserts ; for Don Juan's sister received me so graciously, as to put me in good 
humour with myself. I was charmed with the turn of her mind ; and fore- 
boded that with discreet management and much deference, I might really get 
her to like me as well as anybody else. Full of this sweet hope I sent for the 
lawyers to draw up the two contracts, and for the clergyman of Paterna, to 
bring us better acquainted with our mistresses. 

Thus did I light the torch of Hymen for the second time, and it did not burn 
blue with the brimstone of repentance. Dorothea, like a virtuous wife, made a 
pleasure of her duty ; in gratitude for the pains I took to anticipate all her 
wishes, she soon loved me as well as if I had been younger. Don Juan and my 
god-daughter were most enthusiastic in their mutual ardour ; and what was 
most unprecedented of all, the two sisters-in-law loved one another sincerely. 
Don Juan was a man in whom all good qualities met : my esteem for him in- 
creased daily, and he did not repay it with ingratitude. In short, we were a 
happy and united family : we could scarcely bear the interval of separation 
between evening and morning. Our time was divided between Lirias and 
Jutella : his excellency's pistoles made the old battlements to raise their heads 
again, and the castle to resume its lordly port. 

For these three years, reader, I have led a life of unmixed bliss in this beloved 
society. To perfect my satisfaction, heaven has deigned to send me two smiling 
babes, whose education will be the amusement of my declining years ; and if 
ever husband might venture to hazard so bold an hypothesis, I devoutly believe 
myself their father. 




JOHN CHILDS AND SUN, PRINTERS. 



LIBRARY OF 



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CONGRESS 



022 015 756 8 



